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BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down

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GUEST 02 Apr 05 - 03:41 PM
wysiwyg 02 Apr 05 - 03:48 PM
GUEST 02 Apr 05 - 03:55 PM
wysiwyg 02 Apr 05 - 03:57 PM
GUEST 02 Apr 05 - 04:04 PM
GUEST,#2 02 Apr 05 - 04:24 PM
GUEST 02 Apr 05 - 04:33 PM
wysiwyg 02 Apr 05 - 04:48 PM
GUEST 02 Apr 05 - 04:55 PM
wysiwyg 02 Apr 05 - 04:57 PM
Snuffy 02 Apr 05 - 05:38 PM
GUEST 03 Apr 05 - 12:07 AM

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Subject: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 03:41 PM

Bang! Bang! went Carmelengo Eduardo's hammer...the bells are ringing...sede vacante

Joan was quizzical, studied pataphysical
Science in the home
Late nights all alone with her a test tube
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine
Calls her on the phone
"Can I take you out to the pictures Jo-o-o-oan?"
But as she's getting ready to go
A knock comes on the door

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
came down upon her head
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer
made sure that she was dead

Back in school again Maxwell plays the fool again
Teacher gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid and unpleasant scene-e-e-ene
She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away
So he waits behind
Writing fifty times "I must not be so-o-o-o
But when she turns her back on the boy
He creeps up from behind

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
came down upon her head
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer
made sure that she was dead

P.C. thirty one said "we've caught a dirty one"
Maxwell stands alone
Painting testimonial pictures, oh, oh, oh, oh
Rose and Valerie screaming from the gallery
Say he must go free
The judge does not agree, and he tells them so-o-o-o
But, as the words are leaving his lips
A noise comes form behind

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
came down upon her head
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer
made sure that he was dead
Silver hammer man


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 03:48 PM

Very clever. You must be referring to the old custom of the Vatican Chamberlain rapping a dead pope on the forehead three times with a silver mallet, to see if he's really dead before making it "official." But I heard they don't do this anymore.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 03:55 PM

Susan, 'twas done, just, by the carmelengo, Cardinal Eduardo Martinez Somalo.

Now, if you would all take out your copies of the Ordo Exsequiarum Romani Pontificis, we'll get this Novemdiales rockin'!

And you can place yer Next Pope bets here.


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 03:57 PM

I heard him declare if official, but I heard it was determined by calling the deceased's given name (Karol) 3 times instead of smacking him. No?

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 04:04 PM

Nope, that would be while he was smacking him.

For your consideration...handicapping yer bets.


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: GUEST,#2
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 04:24 PM

The hammering was stopped in the 1960s. 1963 me thinks.


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 04:33 PM

So here is what is going down right now. The pope's been bopped on the head three times, and Eduardo's got the Fisherman's Ring (to be destroyed once the cardinals start rockin' the conclave).

JP's prefect of the papal household notifies the Dean of the College of Cardinals of the death, Dean tells cardinals, etc on down the hierarchy line. Of course, we already know that because of the media. Once a cardinal gets the news, they head on down the road to Vatican City.

Meanwhile, back in the papal household...the College of Cardinals get down to the planning of the funeral, which is dictated by the Supreme Pontiff's Apostolic Constitution Universi Dominci Gregis, which is sorta like a papal will, except it is dictated more by papal tradition than the wishes of the individual pope.

Then, after the body is washed and dressed in the papal vestments, two layers of white silk are placed over his head and hands, the body is placed in a cypress coffin, and then that coffin is encased in two more coffins. The second coffin is made of lead & engraved with his name and dates of his pontificate. Then that is put in an unadorned coffin of elm.

Then the coffin(s) are taken to the Basilica to lie in state, so the faithful can come by to pray for repose of his soul. JP has ordered that he, in keeping with tradition, be buried within 4-6 days after his death. He will be buried along with lots of other popes, in the tombs underneath the Basilica.

Mind you, this is the extreme shorthand version of what happens. You don't have to take a stupid anon guest's word for it. You can go straight to the source and read the Universi Dominci Gregis your own bad self. If you are so inclined, and easily amused.


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 04:48 PM

So the cardinals are singin' "ease on down the road" and "keep truckin'"? Kewl!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 04:55 PM

Oops. Forgot to mention, the coffin goes first to the Sistine Chapel for a metaphoric recognition of the passing of the torch, before it goes to the Basilica. The Sistine Chapel is where the conclave will be held after the funerals.

I know it is being reported that the silver hammer ritual was discontinued by John XXIII, and that it is not included in JP's Universi Dominci Gregis. However, rumor in certain Catholic circles has it, that it would be done.


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 04:57 PM

Well then ya got the title wrong-- Eddie's Silver Hammer, innit?

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: Snuffy
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 05:38 PM

But John Lennon didn't know it would be Eddie, did he?


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Subject: RE: BS: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Comes Down
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 12:07 AM

Ah... That would be Paul that wrote that song, Mr. Rocket Scientist.


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