BS: Delicate question for older US males

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Joybell
Date: 27 May 05 - 09:18 PM

Liz, What a great idea. You could just add a few compost worms and a few vegetables. Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Joybell
Date: 27 May 05 - 09:13 PM

No Little Hawk I didn't make it up. Wish I had though. Funny idea!
True-Love has read the in depth (;-)) post by JohninKansas. Hildebrand recalls that the problem did indeed occur at old motels. NOT, he hastens to add, at private homes. Relax Amos, SRS and All.
I reckon it's a combination of little bum and old-style motel toilets. Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 May 05 - 08:47 AM

Our office facilities are 'maintained' (I use the term loosely....) by a company that recently put up a lot of signs to encourage us to preserve water.

The last 'encouragement' states that (and this is verbatim);

"To avoid unnecessary flushing, please use bins provided".

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: sixtieschick
Date: 26 May 05 - 08:15 PM

I missed the subtleties of your facetiousness, Bobad--must need a new pair of reading glasses! Funny about the French words. Apropos of nothing, Marie Antoinette's morning hot chocolate was made with salep. Maybe some revolutionaries coined the epithets?

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: EBarnacle
Date: 26 May 05 - 07:58 PM

CH, one of the joys of getting a bit older, is you don't give a damn what the bluenoses think. [59 as of today] You know that since the Inquisition lost the right to burn heretics, it is reasonably safe to express you opinions in public.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: bobad
Date: 26 May 05 - 07:20 PM

sixtieschick

I did know about the Greek origins and meaning of orchid as I have a medical background - I was just indulging in a little facetiousness. I did not know about the Turkish drink and the English connection though and find this intriguing as etymology interests me. In French the words salop and salope mean dirty bastard and bitch respectively. I wonder if there's a connection there.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 May 05 - 07:04 PM

Awright! I love this thread. It upset Clinton Hammond. We need more stuff like this.

The original post, though, is bizarre. I find it hard to believe. I think Joybell made it up.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: sixtieschick
Date: 26 May 05 - 05:25 PM

Bobad, this is several days late and dollars short to your May 24th post, but I couldn't resist:

An "orchidectomy" is probably so named because the word "orchid" comes from the ancient Greek "orchis," meaning testicles. The connection between the plant and the human anatomy probably isprobably derived from the fact that some orchid bulbs come in pairs.

Incidentally, there's a drink in Turkey and parts of the Middle East made with powdered orchid roots called Salep. Its etymology harks from a word which means "fox's testicles," and refers to the double bulbs found on that particular type of orchid. (The drink was also imbibed in England as saloop. Charles Lamb said it was the proper drink for chimney sweeps. I won't even try to figure that one out.)

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: gnu
Date: 25 May 05 - 09:05 AM

29 golf balls!! Rubber duckies!! Nearly as bad as computers. Just when I thought I had the ultimate man's throne, new technology makes it obsolete - as long as it has an elongated bowl... balls are not my problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: jimmyt
Date: 25 May 05 - 07:09 AM

Hanging in to the cold water is only half the problem to me. I recently had hiccups while sitting and syphoned all the water out of the bowl. Now that is a true problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 25 May 05 - 03:17 AM

Speaking of water levels and loos, if you ever take the "Underground Seattle" tour (worth it, in my opinion, even if it is touristy), you'll see a toilet perched on a wooden tower about 8 feet high. The original town was built on a broad beach of Elliott Bay, and when the tide came in, toilets often turned into, er, shall we say, gushers. One of the many reasons they raised the street level to the second floor.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Metchosin
Date: 25 May 05 - 02:47 AM

Dunno, but boy, constipation sure wouldn't be a problem anymore or tampax for that matter.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 25 May 05 - 02:34 AM

Several of the newer "water conserving" designs use a pressurized air assist to ram the stuff down the pipe. They require an airline hookup, so probably wouldn't be too practical for home use.

My "mechanical curiosity" led me to begin a look at what sort of plumbing is involved, but when I hit the spec line that said "air hoses rated at 3,000 psig burst" I sort of retreated to a corner. When I quit quivering, maybe I'll go back and continue the study.

3,000 psig release of compressed gas????? Under your b.....???!!!


Well maybe they don't use that much for working pressure, but still, ..(?) Have the Reg bros been designing plumbing????

John

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Metchosin
Date: 25 May 05 - 02:23 AM

I was wrong apparently it was 29 golf balls. You can see it in action for youself here if you want. Personally I was more impressed when they used golf balls and ducks.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Metchosin
Date: 25 May 05 - 02:01 AM

I'd be real careful with the new American Standard that they have out now in the US if you have problems with low hanging objects. Gosh, I saw a programme the other day about their new design and they flushed a dozen golf balls down at one go and another time a whole bowl full of rubber duckies. It could be frightening.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 25 May 05 - 12:31 AM

Dear God, education is a wonderful thing.   Trust Mudcat. Learn more about persons of the Male persuasion than I ever dreamed possible, learn about toilets all over, design, manufacture; musical lessons, poetry, history of publishing, America, Lots of Other Places in The World -- the variety of class content at this University is amazing. I'm glad I enrolled.

My magnificent (late) Aunt Martha taught elementary school for over 40 years in several places in Texas. After retirement she relocated to Austin to be near her daughter and other family. She would help hubby and I do things with our kids (shop, picnic, go camping, etc.).   The rule was: The last thing before you actually start the car and back out of the driveway -- EVERYONE go potty. Now that my kids have kids the tradition continues. I miss her. She was not only steadfast, but funny, and loving.            Tw

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Peace
Date: 25 May 05 - 12:27 AM

This is a hoppin' Friday night.

We need that catalog here. Still being published by Sear's in Canada. Wasn't for that, a third of the country wouldn't get clothes, furniture, tools, name it. Christmas would be a write off as would many birthdays, etc. We still have a catalog store here in Hinton, and there are some in Edmonton (place of 1,000,000 people give or take a hundred thousand) also. Too bad. I could get one for you if you wish to relive old memories. LOL. Serious though.

BM

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 25 May 05 - 12:20 AM

brucie -

If you've got a Sears Catalog you must be in a low traffic area. Sears hasn't published a catalog in my area (other than newsrag inserts) in about 20 years. They've even closed nearly all of their "catalog stores" in the smaller towns hereabout.

With industrialization you can't even get decent corn cobs, since they grind the good ones up to make "polishing media" for the tumble mills.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 May 05 - 12:16 AM

Or read an entire article in Martha Stewart Living*.

SRS

*If you take the time to refer to the appendices in the back of the magazine for all of the resources.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Peace
Date: 25 May 05 - 12:13 AM

Takes more than that to check out the Sear's Catalogue tool section.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 May 05 - 11:38 PM

In the one I used to use in Hertford, in the UK, you got 15 minutes - probably long enough for most people.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Joybell
Date: 24 May 05 - 11:15 PM

Well indeed it is not me with the problem. True-love used my name up there with my permission.
I must add that True-love has lost weight since his last encounter with American toilets. He's always had a neat little arse but now it's probably less well padded. I think Bee-dubya-ell has answered the question. Perhaps an air cushion or floaty-type ring is the answer. H lived quite a while in Asia and likes that kind of loo.

My particular worry is with the new-fangled toilets in Melbourne - single one-person ones, where a sign tells you that lights flash, bells ring and the door opens if you take too long. They don't tell you how long is too long! Does anyone know? Fearfully yours, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: bobad
Date: 24 May 05 - 10:03 PM

Would'nt be showing that pic to a vegetarian.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Peace
Date: 24 May 05 - 09:54 PM

Branding time there was a fellow named Leon. Leon was the cutter. Good at it. He would do two or three young bulls, and rather than have to get up and down to put the 'orchids' in the container, he'd simple put the vas deferens in his teeth and bite down. Got a pic of him somewhere with three sets of 'orchids' hanging from his jaw.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: bobad
Date: 24 May 05 - 09:40 PM

BTW the surgery is called an orchidectomy - go figure - no one I know ever called em orchids.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Peace
Date: 24 May 05 - 09:21 PM

Steroids?

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: GUEST,observer
Date: 24 May 05 - 09:00 PM

Joybell:

There is a solution to your problem

An operation.

The same kind of operation that turns a bull into a steer...

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 May 05 - 05:25 PM

Only distantly, JennyO.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: JennyO
Date: 24 May 05 - 08:50 AM

Yes, but Ebbie, did the facilities FLUSH?

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 24 May 05 - 08:43 AM

There are sometimes good reasons for standing on the loo seat. With the old high-level cisterns there was often no other way of flushing the thing if the chain was missing. Essex Girl was standing on the seat the other week when she redecorated the downstairs loo !

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 May 05 - 03:04 AM

"The tile was turquoise squares approximately 4 inches square," Eb

Corrected version: "The floor tiles were turquoise colored, approximately 4 inches square."

I *do* have trouble expressing myself, don't I.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 24 May 05 - 01:34 AM

'Spaw, that's the sell-by date. After that, it craps out.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Jeri
Date: 23 May 05 - 04:16 PM

WorldToilet,info, with essential toilet information and crapper culture such as how to ask where one is, whether you should flush paper or whether they provide paper or you have to.

Toiletnet.com at:HAHAHA - "http://www.flipdick.com/"
You can buy a calendar.
Toilets of the World - the scary and otherwise interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Once Famous
Date: 23 May 05 - 04:03 PM

What's the difference? If you are going to rocket a heavy one, you are going to get splashed.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: GUEST
Date: 23 May 05 - 03:40 PM

Men's Room LA
Kinky Friedman

I saw a picture yesterday
In a men's room near l.a.
Lying on the floor beside the throne.
Had I not recognized the cross
I might have failed to know the boss,
I thought, ¡°lord, you look neglected and alone.

I picked it up with lovin' care,
I wondered who had placed it there,
When l saw there was no paper on the roll.
I said, °lord, what would you do
If you were me and I was you,
Take a chance, save your pants or your soul ?

Then a voice said,
°kinky, it's jesus here, you know that I ain't no square.
Well, I've got these pictures of me,
I mean statues, you know they're everywhere.
Well, I may seem I come from liverpool,
And then on the other hand I may come from france,
But if you don't get off that toilet, well I'm just gonna have to dance."

I saw a picture yesterday in a men's room near l.a.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: bobad
Date: 23 May 05 - 03:38 PM

Even though this may be a bit of thread drift there are some pretty far out urinals at this site - my favorite being this one.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Peace
Date: 23 May 05 - 03:23 PM

"turquoise squares"

What colour is that?

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 May 05 - 03:16 PM

You guys are the limit. Last night I dreamt that I was going to use a public restroom. There were some difficulties.

First off, the door was pneumatic. You pushed it shut then pushed a button, opened the door and then pushed it shut again. A little silvery spiky pin came out, which showed that it was now sealed. I pulled on it just to make sure.

Then I turned my attention to the facilities. The tile was turquoise squares approximately 4 inches square, slightly soiled. There were two aspects to them. The one on the right had a lidless, seatless stool (man. I am having trouble expressing myself here) that leaned way back. In other words if you were to sit down, it would be almost impossible to right oneself again.

Alongside it was a downhill chute, also turquoise tiled with a drain at the bottom (bear {bare?) with me). It was evidently a urinal.

I headed for the door but woke up before I got out.

(Not to worry- in another dream I danced a fox trot with a woman who in real life died in 1989. And I knew she was dead.)

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Peace
Date: 23 May 05 - 03:08 PM

Alas . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Bill D
Date: 23 May 05 - 02:48 PM

...and you didn't, as I remember.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Peace
Date: 23 May 05 - 02:41 PM

I have been to establishments where they hang signs that read, "Stand way back. The crabs in here can jump ten feet."

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Bill D
Date: 23 May 05 - 02:37 PM

Liz...I used to work at a small business school in an old building, and the 'facilities' were not fancy, but were kept reasonably clean. One day, after the students had gone, the secretary called me over and said "you gotta see this" and led me to the ladies room, where she pointed to the 'seat'. There I saw the clear dusty imprint of the soles of a pair of sneakers. I guess some people really have strange phobias and habits. (It really was clean...before someone made if dirty with their shoes!)

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 May 05 - 02:03 PM

In our local Sunday Market there is a portacabin of toilets with large notices saying 'Do NOT stand on the seats', with illustrations on the correct way to use the toilet. Having seen the pictures of the Asiatic 'Squat and Squit' variety I now understand why.

I've been lucky enough to have never had to use one of that particular breed, nor have I had to suspend my not so skinny botty over any bar, beam or bucket since I was 10 and at school camp.....

Just remember - pointy leaves bad, round leaves good.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Bill D
Date: 23 May 05 - 02:01 PM

there is a bell-shaped curve relating to human bodies. Appliances are probably designed to cater to, oh....95% of 'em. Thus, people who weigh 450+lbs, or are over 7' tall, or sag & droop excessively might well encounter awkward situations when they travel to places where design parameters differ from what they are used to.

I can say honestly I never heard of this problem from anyone in the US before.

Maybe we ought to create a small database from places around the world with "height of seat above water level" as one entry. Then again, maybe not...

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 23 May 05 - 02:00 PM

Nothing wrong with the old French "Pan Turca", if it's properly maintained (mind that's a big "if"); and it's ergonomically a better design for the human anatomy.
...................................
Advert just below this page at the moment:

"Never a Dirty Toilet Seat
World's First Touch Free hygienic self cleaning toilet seat."

Good grief. An American site evidently...   Bring back Lem Putt, "The Specialist", . His country clearly badly needs him!

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 May 05 - 01:53 PM

JOHN IN KANSAS:

Hi John..........Somehow it seems appropriate to be asking john questions of a John. Very reassuring. LOL.....Seriously though, as you seem to have expertise here, why the hell is there a date indelibly written or cast in the tank of every toilet? Some kind of expiration date? "Must have a dump delivered into bowl prior to thia date." Actually I know it must be the manu. date, but why? Are the warranties that tight on shitters? I assume it must be a government reg since I couldn't see anyone going to all that trouble otherwise.   What's the scoop, so to speak?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 May 05 - 01:31 PM

Note to gnu: Is it time to put away the pain pills? DO NOT bend over the loo in an attempt to develop your formula unless their is an attendant present to pull you out.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Peace
Date: 23 May 05 - 12:23 PM

In toilets that have deep water, all turds weighing more than five pounds must be lowered by rope to avoid splash.

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: Kim C
Date: 23 May 05 - 11:52 AM

I don't know why that should be a problem in the US, since almost everybody has those low-flow toilets now that don't have hardly ANY water in them. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Delicate question for older US males
From: kendall
Date: 23 May 05 - 10:20 AM

Sigh...What next?