BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 07:51 PM

Shane
Please disregard the last post it was a mistake.
As my old dad used to say," You can't make an omelet without breaking some legs."
I'm not sure what he meant by that but we were careful around him when he was cooking.
I don't understand what you mean about officer Dana. I don't think she has a husband.
When you're writing those articles, just try to keep subjecy-verb agreement in mind.
good luck
your American cousin
PS Don wants you to pick up the suit, the weasels are complaining

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,skiveeShane
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 07:38 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 02:26 PM

Waht....?

What the flip are you on, man? That's what I awnat to know. I don't flippin' need no advice on my love life, eh? I know all there is to know about girls. I am a flippin' legend in this town. Don't listen to Don the Idiot cos he don't know nothin'.

Look, it is no flippin news that them models are too thin, eh? I figger it is tiem to write a few rungs and get the cart back in fronta the horse, know what I'm sayin'? My articles are gonna do that.

You just watch.

If Officer Dana won't see reasin then I am just gonna have to go back to Shania Twain. That's how it stands. I figger she is just about fed up with her husband and ready for a change. I would be a BIG change. You can put money on that, man.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 09:49 PM

Dear Shane.
I can see that you understand our attempts to keep the tone of this discourse productive, notwithstanding the importance of personal growth and striving to accept and bridge the differences between individual points of view.
That being said, I think you have to stop blaming others for your personal failures. You demand that society changes it's norms to fit your whims.
Can't you see how futile this urge is. It's the market that sets standards of percieved beauty.
Unless you are buying women's clothing, you can not expect the industry to agree with you.
It's not the model's fault that they don't live up to your expectations of proscribed femininity.
And besides, as much as you would be gratified (I use that term advisedly) to see a move towards more strippers as models, you surely must admit that their various body peircings would soon amke a shambles of the designer's stock.
This is as impractical as your fixation with...you know who. If you really had a wish to win her, you would stop chewing tobacco, stop wearing that moose outfit or at least fabreeze it, stop leaving those squeaky voicemail messages on her phone, stop sending her those polaroids of yourself, and thank your brother for all he's done.
Don't worry about the PBR. I was just over-reacting.
Best wishes
your American cousin.
P.S. try eating shredded wheat. The ruffage can only do you good.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 10:14 AM

Yeah right. Yer a flippin' lauff and a half ain't you, skivee? You can kiss the glove, eh? I have flippin' moved OUT. You heard it here, man. I got a apartment over on the south side of town. Don can flippin' ROT over in that wreck I used to live in. Officer Dana helped me get a wreckomendashun and I am writin' the atricles for the paper. I did one on wimmen's fashiun today, eh? I think it is a flippin' shame that they starve them models until they look like a skelleton and then they make them walk around in front of people which is a flippin' hoomiliashion! them girls need FOOD! I would recommend puttin' up a home for fashun modells where they can, like, eat...know what I'm sayin'? Lots of back bacon and fries and stuff like that and pizza. Feed 'em so's they can look human, eh? Like the strippers over at Sudbury. Them girls look totally human and they aught to take over in the model business. If I was "in charge" I would replace all the models with professinal strippers right now. Then the fashion indjustry would hvae to make REAL clothes for girls instead of the stupid stuff they do now. yeah.

I am earnin' good money and Don can kiss my ass, eh?

One problem. Officer Dana says that I have to keep the parole conditions by watchin' Don and seein' that he don't ghet into trubble. Rihgt! That would be like seein' that a dog don't shit or a skunk don't stink. impossible. gimme a flippin' BREAk and switch OFF!

I still love her, though. Man, it hurts to love someone like this. I don't know what I am gonna do.

I am gonna write out the stress. Back to the old keyboard. Sorry about the Pabst.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,skivee
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 05:30 PM

Willie-o
I think that even Shane would agree, that, although a lot can be laid at the feet of our "All Hat, No Cattle" Texan (the same name as an old model of Epiphone guitars, which may qualify this as a music thread) , not the least of which is an annoying tendency to try to impress his audience with disassembled words and rambling run-on sentences that, by the time you reach the end you've forgotten where you were starting from.
But we should concentrate on helping Shane.
Perhaps he should try to get out more.
Frazier's Mr.Wash car wash over on Aurora is looking for hosers.
It would be an oppertunity to feel sun and wind and to use his natural talents. He'd have to get some decent clothes, and stop wearing that foil hat he made...and of course, he'd have to agree to not use the office phone to leave messages at the OPP substation.
And I don't think we should mention Officer Dana gratuatiously.
Don tells me that it just sets the boy off. Last time he tried to talk to him, Shane smashed a whole 12-pack box of those chocolate marshmallow poptarts by jumping up and down on them.
All around, a waste of everyone's efforts, including the folks at the Kelloggs factory.
Kindest regards.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Willie-O
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 09:23 AM

Skivee I feel kinduv bad about the PBR thing, but a lot of yez deserve it...guess we shouldv threatened to cut off the suds pipeline bFORE youse re-enabled BDiBR's Texas village idiot cousin to work hiz speshul magic on the world...

Does Officer Dana have anuther job...like in the media? (If you look a little harder at Julian's cop girlfriend on Trailer Park Byes, she's also CBC Radio's "Promo Girl"). That could explain a lot of unwarranted publicity...(well, the warrant isn't needed when the moosehead/ice skates thing is going on right on the main drag in front of the school)...

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 08:19 AM

Don't let him wash the outfit!

#1 - he's got nothing else to wear and I have heard from Officer Dana that that is NOT a pretty sight.

#2 - if he washes it it will fall apart, it's only the grime that's holding it together, and then he'll have nothing to wear.......

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 11:30 PM

I'm too old and stuffed to flip off now. Mostly I just sorta slide over the side. But thanks for the good wishes anyhow.
Some of us are just concerned. If you keep going on this way, you are going to drink all the beer produced in Canada, eh? That means that there won't be enough to export. Then we will have no choice but to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. No one can hate a person enough to wish that on them.
It's called enlightened self interest, my friend.
Either that or onamatopoeia, or Nile River Eye Worm, or something like that.
Have you talked to your brother today? He wants you to wash that outfit too.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 09:12 PM

skivee? You can FLIP! Right off, eh?

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 07:37 AM

Heavy, man.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Kaleea
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:51 AM

I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, when the lady behind me was all excited & announced that Jacko was innocent & it was the best news of the century. Using extremely polite language, I let her know that I hope Jacko lives in peace without all the media coverage, cause his personal life is none of my business. In other words, I don' give a rats' arse.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,skivee
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:34 AM

Officer Dana and a friend were discussing you over a cup of Horton's.
Can't you see what you're doing to yourself. ..let alone her.
She tries to be polite, and you think she likes you.
There was an article on As It Happens about how you treat her.
She tried to keep it light.
But she would take a tire iron to your nuts if she thought you would remember after the swelling went down.
You are just making her job harder. She does have a gun.
It's the booze talking to you. Have you even noticed how many of your friends don't invite you to their parties anymore.
The incident with the moose head and the ice skates is not forgotten.
Did you have to do that in front of the children.
You thought it was a hoot.
Your brother tries to help, in his own way, but you slap his hand and fall on your ass again.
And stop wearing that ridiculous outfit. Or at least wash the damned thing. It smells like a muskrat in heat.
Have you given any thought to trying to live up to your god-given human potential.
Your mom hates you, too.
Kindest regards
Your American cousin

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 10:39 PM

Those banjos are getting even louder.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 10:20 PM

Flip me upsidedown and sideways and throw me a flippin' loonie!

I got so flippin' mad after Don called me a LOSER and said he was gonna put the moves on Officer Dana that I went flippin' NUTS! I warned him not to come home, eh? Then Mudcat flippin' crashed! Now my warning to him is in the wrong flippin' place in this flippin' thread, eh? Some flippin' bolthole Joe-Flippin'-Clone is asleep at the flippin' swictch! I am ticcced.

what I said to Don after he said what he shouldn't of said about Officer Dana was:

*****Man, you are SO dead. I mean it. You are dead meat walkin'. Don't come home tonight, man.

Who's computer are you on anyway? What crummy skank let you use her computer? I know you ain't in the liberry, cos that's where I am now.

You are SO dead.

- BDiBR ******

Well, guess what? The flippin' retreaded BOLTHOLE did come home anyway! Not only that, he made a flippin' pass at Officer Dana in the driveway. She was just comin' by to check on things. She put him in a flippin' armlock and told him not to be so flippin' smart! Yeah! Well, then she drove off in a huff, and the IDIOT came in, swearin' to himself. He didn't flippin' know I was there until he saw my fist comin'. I punched him right in the flippin' nose and busted it! That was just the start. We flippin' wrecked each other and most of the place too. Everything got busted all to hell. I got a black eye and two broken teeth. He got a busted nose and a black eye and a cracked rib. I got a busted knuckle or two.

We ain't talkin'. Either he goes or I do. I am lookin' for a place where I can, like, write in peace, eh, and courte the woman of my dreams. I am not gonna hang around with Don anymore. I have wrote him flippin' outta my life script. He is yesterday's roadkill. He is history. I am gonna start a whole new flippin' chapter here, and it will not include the BALD IDIOT who used to be my flippin' brother!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Donny... yer flippin brother, man!!!
Date: 04 Jun 05 - 06:52 PM

HEY!!!! SHANE!!!! Get the fuck up, ya hoser! It's time fer supper, man. If you lay in the bunk and piss and moan any more about yer head, yer gonna miss the game, man. C'mon ya hoser. Geeze! Who died and made you King Shit of Turd Island, anyway, huh?

C'mon, man. Help clean up ya friggin hoser. Have a beer and get back in the game will ya? I'm givin ya ten friggin minutes ta down a beer and straighten out so get at it EH!!! And where did you frig off to last night anyway? Leavin me here with them scraggs! You know I can't leave the neighbourhood... well, not in a car, anyway, until I get my license back... and you left me here with them scraggs? Some friggin brother you are! GET UP AND HELP ME CLEAN UP! Friggin beerhead.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 06:52 PM

Hehehehehe!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 06:39 PM

He's promised to behave himself so he's out permanently, for the moment.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 06:37 PM

Ah, my dear, as long as yer happy with it, eh what!! Now that the weather has cleared a wee bit, do you let him out of the cellar for a wee bit each day?

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 06:31 PM

Yrp - the banjos go off quite regularly -it's great!

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 06:30 PM

jacqui.c, my dear. These guys are tame. Up country, there are places where I just won't go. And I ain't no saint ner no wimp. When you see them there fellahs with their license plates on upside-downy, ya jus' back off, know what I mean, Verna? A'course, they's nicer n pie if yer just a good ol boy, but ye don't wanna mess with 'em.

I'm sure since ye set down on this side of the Big Water, in what is as close to backwoods as ye can get in The States, ye might know ONE or two. A'course, we all mellows wit age, eh? Hehehe.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 06:11 PM

Now I can really hear those banjos.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 05:07 PM

These guys are in their credits where it says 'based on a true story'.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Charmion
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 04:51 PM

Are you sure these guys aren't refugees from a Bob n Doug MacKenzie skit? Or cousins of the Trailer Park Boys?

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 04:20 PM

I lived in Trenton, on the base, when I was a kid. Say no more.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 04:12 PM

Quite possibly. This IS North Ontario we are talking about, eh? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 04:05 PM

Parole with no requirement of abstinance from booze? After being jailed for stealing beer and vehicle theft, while intoxicated? Was the judge drunk?

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 04:03 PM

Well, now. I'm sure they are good neighbors. ?

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 03:54 PM

Don? He's a lot like Shane, but has been far better at earning a living. He's had a job as a mechanic at the local service station for at least 7 years, till getting arrested recently. You can basically thank Don for keeping Shane fed and watered for the past decade...sort of. Shane is the "kid brother", so Don watches over him. This latest turn of the cards is highly ironical, to say the least.

On a cloudy day, though, it's not that easy telling them apart at a distance unless Don takes off his hat. Shane has way more hair, you see, and he never lets Don forget it. They both wear grotty old jackets and grotty old baseball caps turned backwards that say, "I'm with the LOSER ---->"...or "Go Leafs Go!"...or "FREE SEX" (with downward pointing arrow).

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 03:48 PM

The tune from Deliverance keeps going through my mind........

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 03:45 PM

I'd like to hear a word from Don. Is he as far gone, um, as original as Shane?

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 03:39 PM

Ah, words of wisdom. The Iron Horse Bar had better get ready for a lively night. I hope Don gets his job back at the service station. He must be feeling kind of down, with Shane having become the main breadwinner in the Dymanic Duo.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 03:14 PM

Shane - just remember, you've been dry for quite a while. It won't take much to get you totally wasted so don't take too much cash out with you. Otherwise you might be unfaithful to Officer Dana and, worse than that, one of those women might just disappear with your two thrids........

Anyway, if you get too wasted, you won't be able to keep an eye on Don, either.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 03:04 PM

Shane...don't be an idiot. You are going to wind up back IN jail. Listen to me, Shane, when I am talking. Put the bottle down, and step back with your hands in the air. Put the bottle down NOW.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 03:03 PM

Head for the hills, ever'body.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 03 Jun 05 - 02:49 PM

THIS IS FLIPPIN' IT!!!

I'M OUTTA JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH, EH?   I'M A FLIPPIN' FREE MAN!!!!!!

IT'S PARTY NIGHT TONIGHT, MAN! BLIND RIVER IS GONNA ROCK!!!!

Here is, like, the best part. We had a, like, hearing with the judge, eh? and he decided that I was probally under the influence of my big brother Don when we broke into the hardware store, the school bus, the tattoo parlor and the Beer STore. He has put Don on flippin' PROBATION!!! And I gotta keep an eye on Don for the next flippin' 6 MONThs and make sure he don't no nuthin' wrong!!!

AWWWW HA HA HA HA HA!!!! i LOVE IT! dON ISFLIPPIN' FIT TO BE TIED, EH? He is PISSED! Ha! I am gonna watch him like a flippin' hawk, man.

Officer Dana gave me a hug when I walked out on the street, a free man. I figger marriage is near. The articles I have, like, been writing have made me some money but the judge took 2 thrids of it to pay off the damages bit by bit. I keep the other 2 thirds for myself. That means I am flippin' LOADED, MAN! I'm rich! The gurls will be linin' up 30 deep for me.

We are gonna get drunk tonight. Flippin' drunk. So drunk we can't flippin' SEE! Oh boy....

Get back to ya when I regain my, like, normal senses, eh? In a few days.

Sweet Jeesus, we are gonna get SOOOOOO FLIPPIN' drunk. I can see it now.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 28 May 05 - 09:34 PM

To "Guest": Have an even BETTER DAY !!!
To your alter ego: The suspense is killing you.
To Gnu, Bill and Dave: Spot on, it's 100% fresh-squeezed codswallop, with pulp-like particles.
kind regards to all

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 28 May 05 - 05:51 PM

codswallop, says I

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 28 May 05 - 04:36 PM

Exactly. You've hit the nail on the head.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 28 May 05 - 04:20 PM

Just what in the world is this all about, pray tell?

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 28 May 05 - 04:17 PM

Yeah? C'mere 'n say that, ya friggin hoser. I'll great yer friggin day eh! Frig with my buddy and ya frig with me, right? Ya wanna frig with me? Uh? Eh? Friggin right ya don't wanna frig with me.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 28 May 05 - 11:20 AM

Have a GREAT day!

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 28 May 05 - 11:11 AM

Yeah, frig off eh, ya hoser.

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 May 05 - 10:32 AM

Yeah right. You figger yer a flippin' riot, eh? Flip right off, man!

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 27 May 05 - 09:57 PM

That thing you bought from that magazine really did give you 3 more inches?...Now you've got 5?

You've moved out of your mother's basement?... And found a rocker to sit her body in while you work at the motel?

You learned how to tie a big boy's tie?...And with some work, the thick part will be longer then the thin part?

You've discovered a previously unknown species of primate in the woods behind your shack?...And you think you may have a shot at a date soon?

The dentist says that the terrible smell in your mouth may end after he pulls those rotting teeth?...All twenty of them?

You've figured a way to help the Cubs win the World Series?...Massive bribery?

Or you've awakened from your binge, and you don't remember why you started this?

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 27 May 05 - 05:14 PM

- beginning to make sense?

- winning the lottery and supporting Mudcat?

- adopting a chimp?

Subject: RE: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 27 May 05 - 04:46 PM

How's about gettin outta jail first?

Subject: BS: Good News of the Flippin' Decade!!!!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 May 05 - 04:33 PM

I AM INNOcent, man! Totally flipping innocente! I am, like, soooo majorly and totally innocent that it's a cryin' shame cos I w2as just tryin' to, like, prepare for a WORLD FLIPPIN' BEER SHOERTAGE, EH?   And blood in the streets, man! You think I'm jokin'? I'm not, eh? You take away the beer and you are gonna see total flipping mayhem in North Ontario. The law of the flippin' jungle, man!

I am a public bennyfacter and should be seen as a flippin' her0.

Anyways, I think I will have GOOD news in just a few days.

The suspense is incredible, eh? what will it be?

- Marriage to Shania Twain?

- Marriage to the luvly Officer Dana of the OPP?

- Me elected mayor of Blind River?

- A patented way to make 1000 galleons of beer out of a pint?

- Or????????????????????

You'll just have to flippin' WAIT AND SEE! HA! HA! HA!

- BDiBR