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worst rhyme ever

webfolk 16 Jun 05 - 02:56 PM
GUEST,lamarca'sOM 16 Jun 05 - 03:16 PM
Uncle_DaveO 16 Jun 05 - 03:20 PM
PoppaGator 16 Jun 05 - 03:29 PM
webfolk 16 Jun 05 - 03:33 PM
Donuel 16 Jun 05 - 04:53 PM
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SharonA 16 Jun 05 - 05:22 PM
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sixtieschick 17 Jun 05 - 12:09 AM
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: webfolk
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 02:56 PM

Labi Siffre - It must be love

I never thought that I could say so much without words
bless you and bless me baby, bless the bees and the birds

geoff - Bit on the side


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,lamarca'sOM
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:16 PM

"I looked for you in Honolula,
San Fransisco and Ashtabula..."

Dylan


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:20 PM

"I knew an old lady who swallowed a rhinoceros
"Pre-posserous!"

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: PoppaGator
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:29 PM

I'm enjoying the so-bad-they're-good rhymes (like the many wonderful examples from Tom Lehrer), but what I really want to see are more of the truly bad ones (like Neil Diamond's).

Nothing to offer at the moment ~ can't think of anything BAD enough right now, but I'm still trying. I know there are some truly terrible rhymes out there, some undoubtedly rooted in my memory but temporarily suppressed because they're so excruciating. Therapy might set 'em loose...


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: webfolk
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:33 PM

Bruce Watson - Save the Hippy

Now the world's a heavy trip and love ain't all you need
what would Jimi Hendrix say, where are your Gratefull Deed


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 04:53 PM

Above the clouds a castle
Where only eagles dare
Inside there is an ass hole
who hoards my pension there.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 05:04 PM

she's always looking as if
she's always wandering off a cliff


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 05:22 PM

IMO, the "worst" rhymes, when they're punny, are the best rhymes! :^)

Tom Lehrer, of course, is a grand master of the genre. [pausing here to bow to his genius]

But I was researching the US Civil War song "Richmond is a Hard Road to Travel" (a Confederate song) the other day, and it contains some doozies such as...

"And he found it rather hard to ride over Beauregard
And Johnston proved a deuce of a bother.
'Twas clear beyond a doubt that he didn't like the route
And a second time would have to try another."

...and the following contrived-word rhymes (the last one quite un-PC by today's standards)...

"Instead of easy ground, at Williamsburg he found
A Longstreet indeed and nothing shorter.
And it put him in the dumps that spades wasn't trumps
And the Hills he couldn't level 'as he orter!' "

"We'll take the cursed town, and then we'll burn it down
And plunder and hang each cursed Rebel.
Yet the contraband was right when he told us they would fight:
'Oh, yes, massa, dey will fight like the debil!' [sic]"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 11:25 PM

I'm pretty sure I saw a Neil Diamond one on this thread, but I think it fell down the black hole of posts around the 14th June that were made when Joe warned us not to post in case our posts got lost. Well he was right - they did.

Of course it was the often quoted one:

Songs she sang to me
Songs she brang to me....


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Stephen R.
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:05 AM

I always thought that "Everyone who sees her / Soon forgets the Mona Leezer" was godawful.

Stephen


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: sixtieschick
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:09 AM

Weren't there some great groupings of rhyming names in the Kurt Weill/Ira Gershwin song, "Tchaikovsky," in which Danny Kaye sang the names of more than fifty Russian composers in thirty-nine seconds? Or did it go by so fast that it just sounded that way?

M.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Allen
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 06:18 AM

Reminds me of Tom Lehrer's Periodic Table of Elements song, to the tune of the Major General's Song.

Not terribly keen on the last line of Warlike Lads though.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: sapper82
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:48 AM

Hamish, ought that not be "Where's The Candle"?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:56 AM

Donuel: Cf.

Oh, my name is Diamond Lily,

I'm a whore in Picadilly,

And my father runs a brothel in the Strand,

And my brother sells his arsehole

To the guards in Windsor Castle --

We're the finest fucking family in the land.

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: I can state with complete confidence that I'll never amount to anything. :||


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Steve-o
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 02:37 PM

I don't want a pickle,
Just want to ride on my motorcycle,
And I don't want to die....
Just want to ride on my motorcy.......
Cul
-Arlo Guthrie


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: sixtieschick
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:28 PM

Well my heart went boom
When I crossed that room . . .


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:34 PM

LYDIA THE TATTOOED LADY
Music by Harold Arlen. Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?
Lydia The Tattooed Lady.
She has eyes that folks adore so,
and a torso even more so.
Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Queen of Tattoo.
On her back is The Battle of Waterloo.
Beside it, The Wreck of the Hesperus too.
And proudly above waves the red, white, and blue.
You can learn a lot from Lydia!

When her robe is unfurled she will show you the world,
if you step up and tell her where.
For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree,
or Washington crossing The Delaware.

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?
Lydia The Tattooed Lady.
When her muscles start relaxin',
up the hill comes Andrew Jackson.
Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Queen of them all.
For two bits she will do a mazurka in jazz,
with a view of Niagara that nobody has.
And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz.
You can learn a lot from Lydia!

Come along and see Buffalo Bill with his lasso.
Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso.
Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon.
Here's Godiva, but with her pajamas on.

Here is Grover Whelan unveilin' The Trilon.
Over on the west coast we have Treasure Isle-on.
Here's Nijinsky a-doin' the rhumba.
Here's her social security numba.

Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.
Oh Lydia The Champ of them all.
She once swept an Admiral clear off his feet.
The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat.
And now the old boy's in command of the fleet,
for he went and married Lydia!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:36 PM

from "Thais"

"..one night while resting heavily,
From wrestling with the devil, he
Had gone to bed quite early, while the sun was shining still.
He had a vision Freudian,
And though he was annoyed he an-
Alyzed it in the well known style of doctors Jung and Brill"

...it goes on...


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:57 PM

Technically most of the "terrible rhymes", like the Lehrer ones, are actually perfect rhymes, just a bit unexpected. I never quite understand the custom of making out we don't enjoy those kind of rhymes, when we clearly do.
.................
Whales and Wales dont rhyme: they make exactly the same sound. That's not a rhyme. Though it would be, I suppose, if your dialect made a distinction between the w and the wh.

If they were the same sound this woudl be an example of an "Identical Rhyme", which is a form which has a long and respectable history, going back at least as far as Chaucer. And Edward Lear goes even further, by using the same word to rhyme with itself in his Limericks. (See entry in A Readers Guide to Literary Terms, Karl Beckson and Arthur Ganz.)

But in fact pronouncing W and Wh differently is surely characteristic of "received pronunciation" in England, with "whale" being pronounced more or less as "hwale"?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:21 PM

One of my favorite Awful Rhymers is George Gordon. Here's some quotes from Don Juan.

..I say -- the future is a serious matter --
And so -- for God's sake -- hock and sodawater!

and

...Fit for my poem (that is, for my new one);
So, as I said, I'll take my friend Don Juan.

Alfie Tennyson had his moments, too. This is the opening stanza to Maud; A Monodrama:

I hate the dreadful hollow behind the little wood,
Its lips in the field above are dappled with blood-red heath,
The red-ribb'd ledges drip with a silent horror of blood,
And Echo there, whatever is ask'd of her, answers 'Death.'

Everyone has their off days.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Stephen R.
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:43 PM

Sorry, McGrath of Harlow, but "wh" is pronounced just "w" in the south of England, so if you didn't know better you would doubtless hear "Prince of Whales" and the like. It isn't like Scotland, where the distinction is maintained (to the point where old texts have "quhilk" and so on). In the US of A, it is regarded as more correct to maintain the distinction, although in practice it tends to depend on dialect.

Stephen


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 10:02 PM

From High Noon:

He made a vow
while in state prison.
Vowed it would be
my life or his'n.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 10:51 PM

Rapaire: "new one" "Juan" was not actually a bad rhyme in Byron's time; the Anglicized spelling pronunciation was standard in his day. So also with "Quixote" & some other foreign names for which modern usage requires some approximation to the native pronunciation.

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: Who is a hero? He who has conquered himself. :||


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Abby Sale
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 09:31 AM

I have to agree with McGrath that an intentional - call it "forced" rhyme - from a fine wordsmith is different. It has the effect (I think) that the poet wanted and people like Lehrer or Nash Or Levy ("Thais") were smart enough to get just the words and effects they wanted.

I am also guilty of posting to this thread a longey that went down the black hole of posts around the 14th June. But you get to see (or avoid) it anyway. I really don't know about poetry - if a folk song sings well, it often (especially the chanty) ignores any great need to be slavish about rhyming - often ignores it with impunity. But terrible bad poetry (unjustifiably bad, that is) is another story. One couldn't find a better benchmark than The Great McGonagall.

He rates three entries in the Happy File but here's a Dec 28 entry.

The Tay Bridge Disaster occured 12/28/1879 so the master wrote:

                The Tay Bridge Disaster

                Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
                Alas! I am very sorry to say
                That ninety lives have been taken away
                On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
                Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

                'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
                And the wind it blew with all its might,
                And the rain came pouring down,
                And the dark clods seem'd to frown,
                And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
                "I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

                When the train left Edinburgh
                The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
                But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
                Which made their hearts for to quail,
                And many of the passengers with fear did say-
                "I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

                But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
                Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
                And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
                On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
                Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

                So the train sped on with all its might,
                And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sught,
                And the passengers' hearts felt light,
                Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
                With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
                And wish them all a happy New Year.

                So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
                Until it was about midway,
                Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
                And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
                The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
                Because ninety lives had been taken away,
                On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
                Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

                As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
                The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
                And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
                Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
                And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
                Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
                And made them for to turn pale,
                Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
                How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
                Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

                It must have been an awful sight,
                To witness in the dusky moonlight,
                While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
                Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
                Oh! ill-fated Bridge of thSilv'ry Tay,
                I must now conclude my lay
                By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
                That your central girders would not have given way,
                At least many sensible men do say,
                Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
                At least many sensible men confesses,
                For the stronger we our houses do build,
                The less chance we have of being killed.

"The Tay Bridge Disaster" by (The Great) William Topaz McGonagall 1830-1902


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 09:38 AM

Yeah, I know, Joe, but it still grates on the ear. Now excuse the Tennyson -- "blood" and "wood" are a "visual rhyme", as are "heath" and "death," but "death" is pronounced "deeth" only as a personal name, as far as I know, and "wood" and "blood" would only rhyme in dialect.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 11:50 AM

Rapaire, are you attacking Byron's rhyming? That's what happened to Don Juan when first published.
He knew exactly what he was doing.
"new one" is one of the ways we know for certain it was Don Joo-en.

McGrath, I love the unorthodox way Lehrer rhymes, it's what I like best about his songs.

Allen


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bentley
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 12:47 PM

How about something along these lines?
This is the tale of poor old Fred
Who was born one day before he was dead
Poor old Fred was a funny old guy
He was blind in one ear and deaf in one eye
When spoke,he wrote with a limp
And when he wrote,he walked with a squint
Poor old Bert.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: PennyBlack
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 01:06 PM

Here's one - a jingle we did for BBC Radio Lancashire - must be the accent - we got away with it!

Go along to the Big Blue Bus
(Tune: Pickle Packers Picnic Outing Words: Pete Skinner & John Bond)


If you go along to the big blue bus
There's lots of things to do and see
They'll show you all computer skills
Courtesy of the B B C
So if you want to air your voice
Make Radio Lancashire your choice
So whether it's dry or whether it's moist
Go along to the Big Blue Bus


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 01:18 PM

well actually pete i thought that was pretty good......moist/choice

excellent mate!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: PennyBlack
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 02:03 PM

us lanky's hey dropping our Ts

hi al


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Banjoke
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 03:31 PM

You opened heaven's portal
Here on earth, for this poor mortal.
You are my lucky star.

The worst moment from 'Singin in the Rain'


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 06:34 PM

Rapair said, in part:

"wood" and "blood" would only rhyme in dialect.

And I think a couple others also referred to the equivalent of "only in dialect".

There is nothing but dialect! We all, wherever we live, and whenever, speak dialect of one kind and another. There is no dialectless language.

Yer pays yer money and yer tykes yer cherce.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 08:09 PM

'Course, Unkle Dave. 'Tain't nothin' but dilect. Only, when folks wanna express it in print they ginnerally tries ta make it look like it sounds. Ya kin see how Mark Twain tried ta do that, an' other folks, like Johnny Skelton an' Billy Shakespeare an' Jimmy W. Riley an' Bobby Burns an' Chuck Dickens an' even that guy who wrote Uncle Remus, Joel Chandler Harris. An' that's jist fer starters. An' yeah, I know damn good an' well that Georgie was criticized 'bout his rhymin' when Don Juan was first published; that still don't make for good rhymes (remember, please, that I only quoted two -- the poem is replete with other examples, which I shall leave as an exercise for the student).

Nor, of course, does the ability to write in dialect preclude the ability of the writer to use "standard" or even "academic" English style, spelling, and grammar. The authors cited above are excellent examples of that as well.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 09:06 PM

"The firefly's flame
Is something for which science has no name.
And I can think of nothing eerier,
Than flying around with an unidentified glow on one's posterior"
                  
                Ogden Nash


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: number 6
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 01:00 AM

Tonite I heard someone sing Green Green Grass of Home.

This song certainly is not one of my favourites.

I cringe at the line ...

"Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherry."

sIx


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 09:43 AM

Cora with the lips of coral,
You and I will never quarrel.

Dainty little girl Mavis,
She is such a rara avis,


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Uncle DaveO
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 11:24 AM

Number 6 said:

I cringe at the line ...

"Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherry."


What's wrong with that rhyme?

Now you might not like the line as a matter writing style, but it sounds like a perfect rhyme to me.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,JennyO
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 12:04 PM

Mary - chairy?

Merry - cherry?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 02:57 PM

worst rhyme i like the best ...

At the grand olf age of eighty seven, they took me from my coffin
And gave me a flannel nightshirt that I could travel off in.

The opening lines of Sydney Carter's 'Run the Film Backwards'


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 09:21 PM

IMHO, many of the rhymes put forward here as "bad" are simply unorthodox, and many of them are absolutely brilliant.

I don't consider "moist" & "choice" a bad rhyme, but rather a "near-rhyme" - perhaps not quite as pleasing as a "perfect" rhyme, but still effective and evocative, and a type of rhyme that is not at all unusual.

What I do consider a bad rhyme is one that forces one to pronounce one of the "rhyming" words in a forced/contrived way, and/or does not fit the style of the rest of the song/poem/whatever.

As an example,here's a rhyme from (the otherwise wonderful) "Song of the Soul" by Cris Williamson:

Come to your life like a warrior
Nothing will bore ya

If Cris was English, I'd say it's an acceptable rhyme, as English folks would (and do) naturally pronounce words that end in ar/er/or as "ah", but in an American accent (at least, all the ones I can think of), trying to make the rhyme "work" calls attention to itself in a way that detracts from the song.

On the other hand, Ogden Nash & Tom Lehrer (whom I adore!) may well use (and use well [g]) many contrived rhymes, but they are used in songs/poems that are funny and playful, and are appropriate given the established mood of the work.

"Song of the Soul", however, is (to me) a moving, powerful, serious song -- joyful even -- but not a playful, humorous, silly song, so for me the warrior/bore ya line really jars. In the end, perhaps it comes down to context as much as anything else...


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 10:12 PM

It's a tossup between "warrior/bore ya" and "songs she brang to me". Both lines make me cringe.

I say Neil wins by a whisker.

As for Mr Dylan, the greatest lyricist of our time, he should get honorable mention for "with unseen consciousness I possessed in my grip a magnificent mantlepiece, though its heart being chipped".
It's quite awkward, but it has a certain ragged grandeur at the same time. It's in "Ballad in Plain D", probably the most unfair song Bob ever cast at someone he was angry at (Carla Rotolo, Suze's older sister).


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 11:09 PM

LH, the bit of "though its heart being chipped" that bugs me is not the rhyme, but using "being" (instead of "has been" or "was" -- or maybe even "it was", if having two syllables was imperative) with "though"; it just makes me wince. So give the man a dishonorable mention, by all means -- but not for the near-rhyme, which is not really that bad (though I'll concede it's not that good, either).


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 12:13 AM

Guest: I believe I heard "It isn't the cough that carries you off -- it's the coffin they carry you off in" before I heard of Sydney Carter. (And remember, dying isn't so bad; it's being buried that gets you down.)

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: Suck, squeeze, bang, blow. Internal combustion makes it go. :||


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 01:25 AM

the sex pistols!


i am an anti-christ
i am an anarchIst


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Chris
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 12:13 PM

From the pen of Glasgow's "worst" poet, Walter McCorisken.

The coursest boy I ever saw
Whilst walking doon the Broomilaw
Said unto his paw
"Geeza piece a pizza paw"
His maw (Italian) said, "Naw,
It's PLEEZA Geeza piece a pizza paw"!!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 12:20 PM

Dreadful! At least McGonangall had class.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Abby Sale
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 03:16 PM

Beg to differ, Joe.

It isn't the coughin' that carries you off
It's the coffin they carries you off in

I like the dying quote. Must be many of them...

Bette Davis (to the effect that) being old isn't for wimps

and JP Donleavy: "Upon being old... It's not nice but take comfort that you won't stay that way forever"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 20 Jun 05 - 04:24 PM

I don't care if it rains or freezes/ long as I got my plastic Jesus/ Standing on the dashboard of my car. Like the song but that is one bad rhyme dudes and dudettes. Neil


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 21 Jun 05 - 04:16 AM

well if Mary had lips like cherries, they would be little and round with a stone in the middle and a stalk sticking out

however I wish I had his money - whoever wrote it.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jun 05 - 08:39 AM

That bit of McCorisken poetry has got to be the downright WORST in history!!!!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 21 Jun 05 - 10:53 AM

WeeLittleDrummer observed:

well if Mary had lips like cherries, they would be little and round with a stone in the middle and a stalk sticking out

I suppose that may be so, WLD, but it still rhymes just fine!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Leadfingers
Date: 21 Jun 05 - 11:38 AM

Steve Benbow improves the rhyme in Green Green Grass of Home (Written originally by Curly Puttnam , by the way) By singing :-

Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary
Like an ape but twice as hairy


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 21 Jun 05 - 11:59 AM

I love Cole Porter's rhmes and I love rhymes which are split over two lines.

Told me love was too plebian
told me you were through with me
and now you say you love me


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Dita
Date: 21 Jun 05 - 06:57 PM

My pet hate, rhyme as it might, is

Robin Laing's

The Forth Bridge Song

(about the builders of the bridge spanning the river Forth in Scotland).

"Busy beavers, building cantilevers"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 21 Jun 05 - 07:05 PM

Busy galoops, eating canteloupes?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jun 05 - 09:08 PM

WHAT???? Steve Benbow has stolen my "Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary,
built like an ape, but twice as hairy" line!!!

I guess great minds think alike, eh? ;-)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: cobber
Date: 22 Jun 05 - 04:04 AM

There's a book in Australia called Australian Comic Verse that has poems by Pixie O'Harris (somebody told me she was Rolf Harris' mother but I don't know if that's true. The one that springs to mind, and this was the complete poem, was
I saw Chaucer
In a flying saucer
that's worse than Rolf's
Whatever I did they said was false
They said, "Quick march!" I did a quick waltz
(Jake the Peg)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 Jun 05 - 06:39 PM

"wh" is pronounced just "w" in the south of England

By many people, even most for all I know, but so what? "Bottle" is pretty generally pronounced "bo'o'l" in the South of England for that matter...


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Dug
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:43 PM

Jack O'Hagan:

Our Don Bradman, I ask you is he any good?
Our Don Bradman, as a batsman he is certainly plum pud.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 05:12 PM

I agree that a lot of unexpected rhymes -- especially those made by carrying over a polysyllabic word from one line to the next -- are not only very good rhymes, but often quite clever.   I'm also a fan of the humorously contrived rhymes of Ogden Nash, Tom Lehrer, etc.   If they turn out to be bad puns, that's intended.

Neil Diamond, however, took a beautiful, serious ballad and stuck a nails-on-the-chalkboard, cringeworthy contrived -- and really unneeded -- rhyme in the middle of it by using bad grammar.   He wins the prize in my opinion.

Now Sting (Gordon Sumner) may also be a contender, if only for really s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g to find a a kinda, sorta, quasi-, close-but-no-cigar rhyme in the song "Wrapped Around Your Finger:"

"You consider me a young apprentice
Caught between the Scylla and Charybdis."

Hmmm.   
Ho-Kay.

Genie


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,thurg
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 05:23 PM

Don't forget the great Cowardly Lion:

Dorothy: What would you do if you met an elephant?

Lion: I'd wrap him up in cellophant!

Tin Man: What if you met a rhinocerous?

Lion: Imposserous!

Scarecrow: What if you met a tyrannosaurous?

Lion: I'd show him who's king of the fores'!


And then there's:

Lion: Who put the ape in ape-ricot?
       What do they got that I ain't got?
       Courage!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 05:32 PM

The master of 'rhymes' which work by virtue of a colluding nod and wink at the author's slyness was Ian Dury. An old song of his "The Jam Jar Song" has a lot of my favourites. It starts:

I was bored in my Ford
But my sister had a Lincoln
A great big pink 'un.
Makes me feel so nifty
Goin' along at fifty

A Wolsey is coolsie
But a Lancia is fancier


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Cool Beans
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 05:35 PM

Science without any data
's like gazpacho without the tomata.
(From "Into the Light," short-lived Broadway musical, lyrics by the usually brilliant John Forster.)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 05:36 PM

My all-time least favorite rhyme is from the Christmas song "Sleigh Ride"

Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling "Yoo hoo!"
You know it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.


How often do you call "Yoo hoo!"? I don't believe I ever have. Especially if it's freezing-ass cold outside. The whole idea disgusts me. In fact, that rhyme is a major reason why I'm such a Scrooge. I hate Christmas because I hate the idea of people calling "Yoo hoo!".

Now, if the lyricist had written

Outside the snow is falling and puppies are turning blue.

it would still be disgusting, but at least it'd be funny.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 05:38 PM

My fave, Tom Lehrer of course, is in the song about Smut! Give me smut and nothing but! A dirty novel I can't shut...
if it's uncut...
and uusubt-
tle


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,oldhippie
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 06:30 PM

"Better fly, butterfly, or
batter fry, butterfly"

- Nancy Tucker


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: pdq
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 07:01 PM

TV Western theme about a man named John Slaughter:

                Texas John Slaughter
                  Made 'em do what they oughter
                  For they didn't they'd die!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 07:45 PM

From one of my own songs, "The Puffin is a Funny Bird"

He takes off at a mighty run and flaps like mad to get airborne
So when he crashes back on land, he looks a little care-worn.

And later (referring to his diet of sand-eels):

Six,seven, eight, nine, ten or more, his beak is heavy laden,
It's even harder now to fly, when he is just so weighed-down.

And a newer song:

When I took them to market, 'twas just for a lark, it

And

I would dine like a princess
On best topside mince - yes

All done deliberately to provoke groans, of course!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 08:32 PM

Any of the several pieces of doggerel that rhyme "Christmas" with "isthmus"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Skivee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:23 PM

The great Louis Armstrong dropped this stink bomb in "It's A Wonderful World":
I see friends shaking hands
Saying,"How do you do"?
They're really saying, "I love you"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: bobad
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:46 PM

Marten Hartwell Story
Stompin' Tom Connors

"Oh, Mr. Hartwell," said the nurse
"I [G7]pray that you will [C]guide us
To save this woman with her child
And the [G7]boy with appendi[C]citis."


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:47 PM

Why is that a bad rhyme?   The lyric may be Hallmark-esque, but "do" and "you" seem like perfectly good rhymes to me.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 10:04 PM

Better a parvenu
Living luxuriously on Park Arvenue
Than a Schuyler or Van Rensselaer
Living inexpensselaer. -- Ogden Nash

Forcing the reader to invent "inexpensivelier" just for the purpose of misrhyming it is a true masterpiece of prosodic impudence. One might also give honorable mention (in the nonrhotic division) to his rhyming "Junior" with "Pennsylvunia".

Any collection of *serious* bad rhymes should surely include Joe Hill's in "Union Maid":

Shall we still be slaves and work for wages?
It is outrageous --
Has been for ages.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Skivee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 10:06 PM

It's not the rhyme, but the sickening sacharinitiod that gives me hives.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: darkriver
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 02:04 AM

Kudos to McGrath of Harlow for "most of the "terrible rhymes", like the Lehrer ones, are actually perfect rhymes, just a bit unexpected."

None of the rhymes given as examples are really "terrible"; mostly just unexpected, near, slant, or deliberately (perversely) forced.

Why? English is probably one of the most rhyme-poor of languages, and so the tradition of near or complex rhymes has established itself.

If it's truly bad rhymes you want, in the sense of a tin ear or incompetence or impatience (in working out a good fit), then you could not do better (or is it worse?) than America's own Julia A. Moore, the Sweet Singer of Michigan (1847-1920). Whereas McGonigall's poems have a certain badness, he executes them with such great gusto and cheer. Mrs. Moore, on the other hand, became famous (or notorious) for her unending series of poems about dead infants and other morbid, "serious" topics.

You want a bad rhyme? Try Mrs. Moore's "Temperence Reform Clubs":
    Some enterprising people,
       In our cities and towns,
    Have gone to organizing clubs
       Of men that's fallen down.

Ogden Nash has acknowledged his debt to her; of her, as James Camp writes in Pegasus Descending:

few poets have so assiduously cultivated the line that rambles on for as long as necessary, nor produced more surpising rhymes. Given the first three lines of this quatrain, who could predict the way the fourth would end?
    Many a man joined a club
      That never drank a dram,
    These noble men were kind and brave,
      They do not care ------------.


...It goes, "They do not care for slang."
As the anonymous editor of a [reprint of one of her books]... has remarked, Mrs. Moore "not only conveys information, but she brings the mind up with a jerk. We look around quickly to see what made the noise, and feel instinctively for our money and our watch."

Doug


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: alison
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 03:00 AM

Bread (I think)
"you sheltered me from harm, kept me warm,"

another vote for "songs she brang to me"

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: webfolk
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 03:58 AM

He wrote a note it said, 'give us a job son!'
Sent it off to Bobby Robson
But he finally had to admit defeat

From 'Howay the Lads' by Geoff Rodgers

Geoff (Rodgers)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:16 AM

My current favorite rhyme is from Mr. Mitch benn, who did "Hamlet" in the style of Eminem:

"Christopher Marlowe, you'd better stay outa my way.
I drop bombs when I write my plays, bitch
using my skillz and my talent with grammar ta
kick your ass in iambic pentameter"

Point to Mr. Benn for rhyming with "Iambic Pentameter".


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:20 AM

Not sure about worst, but the most forced ever....

I've never seen a jaguar,
Nor yet an Armadill-
o dilloing in his armour,
and I s'pose I never will

Peter Bellemy singing Kipling.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:48 AM

From a traditional Song from the Unionist tradition in Norn Irn.

He had not turned himself aroond
When he received a deadly wound
His Heels went up, and his head went doon
At the July fair in Garvah.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Andy
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:13 AM

Two cringers from the traditional song 'Banks of the sweet Dundee'

'and she did fire
and shot the Squire
on the banks of the sweet Dundee,.

and........

'the trigger she drew
and her uncle slew
on the banks of the sweet Dundee'.

nice song though!

Andy


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,redhorse at work
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 08:08 AM

" I close my eyes for a minute and pretend it's me you want.
Meantime I try to act so nonchalant"

Or the classic limerick
"There was an old man of Boulogne
Who sang a most topical song.
It wasn't the words
That frightened the birds
But the terrible double entendre"

nick


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bob Hitchcock
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:31 AM

One of my favorites is from "Half a Man" by the Austin Lounge Lizards and goes:-

I buy a tenth of Whiskey,
And a cold three pack of beer.
I drink till I see single,
When I look into the mirror.

I guess if you're from Texas, beer and mirror is a perfectly good rhyme.

Bob


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:39 AM

That's got a long pedigree, Bob

"Each day I look into my mirror
As usual
And tell myself that you're still here
As usual"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,KB
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 12:45 PM

How about

See the tree how big it's grown
but friends it hasn't been to long it wasn't big
I laughed at her and she got mad
the first day that she planted it was just a twig

Bobby Goldsboro "Honey"

I know it rhymes but it is such a stupid line from such a stupid song that I think it fits the theme.

Sorry to anyone who goes around singing it in their head for the rest of the day.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 02:05 PM

what a good job we don't write songs with silly rhymes!

I think I'll stick to blank verse.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 07:48 PM

My stories they are blank,
but my poems, they are verse.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Ref
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 08:07 PM

Thanks to Yorkshire Yankee! That Chris Williamson line (Warrior/Bore YA) is THE worst rhyme in folk music, both linguistically and in terms of context (an otherwise great and serious song.) For years we've been replacing it with "Come to your life like a lover/Soon you'll discover/ You can be happy."

Chris was featured at Old Songs this year.   As I wandered about Saturday afternoon, I saw her approaching, alone, on the same path. I thought about bringing it up with her, but she didn't look like a relaxed, happy person and I chickened out, not wanting to risk anything unpleasant for either of us.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 08:14 PM

*sigh*...beer & mirror

I KNOW folks who say 'meer'...


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:08 PM

priceless...

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain--Whoa!
ttr


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Severn
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:10 PM

Post one Hunderd, he thundered!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:13 PM

A triple play:

A young lady who lived near the Bosporus
Was seduced by a red-eyed rhinoceros.
Said she, with a shriek,
"His horn is unique
And leaves mere men looking preposterous."


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: freightdawg
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:18 PM

Another forced rhyme, but actually one of my all time favorites:

"Roses are red, and violets are purple,
sugar is sweet and so is maple syrple;
I'm the seventh out of seven sons,
My pappy was a pistol,
I'm a 'son of a gun'

I said dang me, dang me;
they oughta take a rope and hang me,
High from the highest tree--
Woman would you weep for me.

A rip pip pip a baa do baa bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbttttt

Roger Miller, a classic of American singers, "Dang Me"

Freightdawg


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,marie
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:27 AM

Then there's this gem from "Take the Money and Run" bu the steve Miller band:

"Billy Mac is a detective down in Texas
Don't 'cha know, he knows exactly what the facts is"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,DonMeixner
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:30 AM

With the exception of Bobby Goldsboro and Neil Diamond I have enjoyed everyone of these rhymes, well, maybe Bread too.

These by Dave Carter are my favorites and they are brilliant.


Professor come to burst my bubble,

says that girl is bound for trouble

Serves me solace in a paper cup

But it looks a bit like agent orange

and when he leaves he slams the door and Just

about that time she phones me up


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Red
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 03:42 AM

Tom Lehrer

Rhymes Discovered (pronounced discovaaaaaaaared) with Havard in the song of the Elements.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 09:13 AM

A lady pal o' mine wrote a song caalled "Hell" where she rhymes

Satan was an angel but now he's diabolical
He pulls out your hair follicle by follicle"

The rest of the song doesn't match the hilarity of that though!!!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 10:53 AM

You talked about your past and future, honey.
And the kind of guy that you thought would suit you, honey.

(You Never Talked AboutMe, Del Shannon)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Big Mick
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 11:01 AM

I don't know about worst, but anyone who can rhyme tuberculosis is aces in my book. This is from Damien Dempsey's "Ghost of Overdoses". This person is ground floor and dynamite, in my book. Thanks to Andrew Harkin, the phenomenal NYC bass player, formerly of The Prodigals and now with Seanchai and the Unity Squad, for calling my attention to him:

here was pills, there was tabs
There was pain and needle jabs
And the ghosts overdoses
Replace the ghosts of tuberculosis


All the best,

Mick


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:19 PM

Here's a deliberately painful one from Trevor Crozier's When The Piddletrenthide Jug Band Hit The Charts

Play your cows our Rhythm n Blues: you'll
Get three times more milk than usual


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:24 PM

Your lips were like wine (if you'll pardon the simile),
The music was lovely and quite Rudolf Friml'y*.

Tom Lehrer The Weiner Schnitzel Waltz

Giok


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: pdq
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 01:10 PM

...more great Tom Lehrer rhymes:

"Smut"

Give me smut and nothing but
A dirty novel I can't shut
If it's uncut
And unsubt-
Tle

I've never quibbled if it was ribald
I would devour where others merely nibbled
As the judge remarked the day that he
Acquitted my Aunt Hortense
"To be smut it must be ut-
Terly without redeeming social importance"

Especially dividing "ubsubtle" and "utterly". Amazing.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: rhyzla
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 03:41 PM

Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?
Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?
Who put the bop in the bop sh-bop sh-bop?
Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip?
Who put the c*nt in Scunthorpe?


Anyone else heard this - or just me?

Sorry , it's got bugger all to do with rhyming!

BTW, Lehrer is king!!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 03:46 PM

Most of these rhymes are quite brilliant.

I would unhesitatingly cast yet another vote for Neil Diamond's crass, cringeworthy, vomit-inducing " songs she brang to me ".

Nothing will ever come close to that for sheer ineptitude, imo.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 07:59 PM

And the final lines of the "Puffin Song" - inspired by 2 pictures om my Gp's wall.
"But if you leave it later on,
Instead of seeing puffin,
You'll find they've gone and flown the nest,
And so you'll just see.............Nuffin"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 08:49 PM

I think that Lorenz Hart had entirely too much fun with "Mountain Greenery" (1926):

    While you love your lover, let
    Blue skies be your coverlet
and
    Beans could get no keener re-
    Ception in a beanery
    Bless our mountain greenery home!
and
    Eat and you'll grow fatter, boy.
    S'matter boy?
    'Atta boy!
Garrison Keillor does some fun peculiarities with rhymes, too.
-Joe-


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: DoctorJug
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 02:51 AM

Imagine:

"You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one.
Perhaps one day you'll join us
And the world will live as one".

Cunning, rhyming "one" with "one".
The rest of the song sucks too.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,sailorboy
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 04:45 AM

Living in the countryside is very nice
Looking in the hedgerow I see mice

From the Noel Redding solo album. Sometime Jimmy Hendrix bass player.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: chazkratz
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 09:41 AM

A couple of Ogden Nash's finest:

Little gamboling lamb
Do you know where you am?
In a patch of mint
I'll give you a hint
Scram, lamb.

When called by a panther
Don't anther

But what bugs me is when people use the indicative pronoun "I" in the objective, for the sake of a rhyme:

From "Aragon Mill," an otherwise fine song:

I'm too old to change and I'm too young to die
There's no place to go for my true love and I

Particularly when there's a perfectly good option:

We've no place to go, my true love and I

Charles


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,thurg
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 04:45 PM

I would not assume 'the indicative pronoun "I" in the objective' is for the sake of rhyme; many if not most people do not know the correct use of "I" and "me", and furthermore, many if not most don't really care. And then there are certain dialects in which "I" is generally used rather than "me" in the objective (e.g., "Oh, never mind, I'll go and try,/Perhaps she might but fancy I").

I would think the bulk of traditional folk lyric would be painful for anyone who's disturbed by non-standard or just plain bad grammar.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 05:43 PM

What Murray said.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 05:58 PM

chazkratz, you just zeroed in on one of my pet peeves where rhymes are concerned: the resorting to bad grammar just to force the rhyme.

Neil Diamond's "brang" is a prime example, but almost forgiveable, because almost everyone knows it's wrong. But Paula Cole's hit song that starts
"Open up your morning light
And say a little prayer for I ..."
is actually even worse, to me, because it reinforces an all-too-common error.
And it STILL doesn't rhyme! LOL

Sometimes, even if your lyrics mostly have a rhyme pattern, it's better to throw in a non-rhyming couplet than force the rhyme in a contortionist way that butchers your language.


But "mirror" paired with "clear," "beer," "cheer," etc. is fine with me, as in Dan Fogelberg's "Only The Heart May Know":
"... Silent tears, yesterday's mirrors,
Where are the summers, oh, where are the years?"


And I still adore the inventive, comical not-quite-rhymes and groaningly forced rhymes of such composers as Cole Porter, Irving Berlin, E Y Harburg, Johnny Mercer, etc.
E.g., another from "If I Only Had A Brain" (Harburg/Arlen):

"But I should show my prowess, be a lion not a meowess ..."

"And perhaps I'd deserve you
and be even worthy erv you,
If I only had a brain. "


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Matt_R
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 06:38 PM

THis one is lame and insulting:


Hot gingerbread and dynamite,
Boy, I drink nothing but that each night,
Back in Nagasaki where the fellows chew tobaccky
And the women wicky-wacky-woo!

Aw, man, how they entertain,
I mean, they hurry a hurricane.
Back in Nagasaki where the fellows chew tobaccky
And the women wicky-wacky-woo!

Fujiama, got a mama,
Then your troubles increase, boy!
It's a bottle in a, bottle in a, bottle in a, bottle in a,
bottle in a Nagasaki!

They hug and kiss each night,
By jingo, boys, worth that price!
Back in Nagasaki where the fellows chew tobaccky
And the women wicky-wacky-woo!

Back in Nagasaki where the fellows chew tobaccky
And the women wicky-wacky-woo!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,RolyPoly from Oly
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 01:01 AM

I was playing a song on my radio show one night about fifteen years ago, a serious love song about Mexico. Whoever it was doing the vocals dropped "cherish" on top of "mujeres". I stopped the song at that point and said that though my show was not all that serious, I wasn't about to allow that!
Maybe somebody else heard it too, and can tell me who it was, because he had other rhymes that were just as awful before I pulled the plug.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: alanabit
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 02:54 AM

"The cit's clamour could never spoil
The dreams of a boy and goil..." was definitely not one of Lorenz Hart's better efforts. I know it is a take off of a New York accent, but it was beyond even Ella Fitzgerald to make it sound right.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 07:11 PM

But "mirror" paired with "clear," "beer," "cheer," etc. is fine with me, as in Dan Fogelberg's "Only The Heart May Know":

So is "red" rhymed with "blue" OK with you as well?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 17 Sep 06 - 09:09 PM

Only if "red" and "blue" are pronounced as rhymes in the common parlance of a lot of people.   

Some say "love" doesn't actually rhyme with "of," either, but the way a lot of people talk, it does.

I'm used to pronouncing "whales" and "wales" decidedly differently. People in some regions don't.

Anyway, as several people have acknowledged, near-rhymes often work just fine in songs.
I certainly don't mind "little" being coupled with "middle."


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 12:15 PM

Genie said (s)he doesn't mind near rhymes and I agree. Some times bad rhymes make a good song work. Fred Eaglesmith is one songwriter who puts the story ahead of the rhyme and it works (for me). The song HAROLD WILSON comes to mind.

I had me a place on Thunder Ridge in a doomsday shack
My wife she left and took the kids a couple of years back
And I spent most of my mornings just thinking about that
And my afternoons tryin' to figure out what to plant.

While "shack" and "back" are rhymes, "that" also seems to work fine.

******************************************************

They sold that farm to some fool for six cents on the dollar.
I saw him out ther last week; I's on the way to visit my daughter.

Works for me.
*******************************************************

The government cheques come down the pike as regular as rain.
I sit out here most every night 'cept when the June bugs drive me in.

Also works for me.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 12:56 PM

Good examples, Jim.

Let's not forget that it's been common in song and poetry for a long time to couple ending words that are SPELLED as though they'd rhyme but DON'T actually - at least not in contemporary practice.

E.g., we Yanks think nothing of pairing "rain" with "again," even though we who live south of the Canadian border don't pronounce them as rhyming words.

Going back to the Chris Williamson thing of "rhyming" the words "warrior" and "bore ya," while I think that may be the weakest line in "Song Of The Soul," the way Chris sings it -- the way most of us often talk -- it DOES rhyme.   

Leonard Cohen, for example, uses all sorts of 'rhyming slang' (and near-rhymes) all the way through his (IMO) masterpiece "Hallelujah! E.g., "before I knew ya," "someone who outdrew ya," etc.      

What did annoy me and grate on me is when some people reprinted Chris Williamson's lyrics as:
"Come to your life like a warrior.
Nothing will bore YER."   
Now THAT is gawdawful!!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: 282RA
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 01:16 PM

I think the band America was a study in horrible lyrics:

"I understand you've been running from a man who goes by the same of the sand man/
He rides the sky like an eagle in the eye of a hurricane that's abandoned"

I mean, come on! And that became a hit!

"I been through the desert on a horse with no name it felt good to be out of the rain/
In the desert you can't remember your name cuz there ain't no one for to give you no fame"

GAG!

"Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn't, didn't already have/
And cause never was the reason for the evening or the Tropic of Sir Galahad"

Whaaaaaaaat???

Go through the lyrics of any America song, if you dare, it's all like that.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: 282RA
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 01:28 PM

Has anyone ever attempted to rhyme "postcard" with "coast guard"?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 04:02 PM

Rhyming "mirror" with "cheer, beer, fear, tear etc is not so strange once you have watched any of Anne Maurice's "House Doctor" programmes.

"Well, Alasdair, we're going to put a huge meer above the mantelpiece to create the illusion of space "


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Severn
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 04:41 PM

The members of America all met going to school in Britain, didn't they? A friend claims to have been to school with a few of them. Real Americans don't use English like that!


Uniformly horrible stuff. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young as programmed by Reader's digest, but with bad grammar.


"Asta never gave nothin' to the Thin Man that Sir Galla hadn't already had", indeed.

...Or whatever the Hell that drivel was....


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 05:31 PM

The Hash (rugby, too?) version of "Bicycle Built for Two" has an extremely force one:

Daisy, Daisy! Give me your answer true
Daisy, Daisy! Wouldn't you like to screw
I really must beg your pardon
But I've got a helluva hard on

From beatin' my meat
Against the seat
Of a bicycle built for two

Obviously it needed a second verse for Daisy's reply. So I wrote one ... with just as bad a rhyme in the same place:

Henry, Henry! Here is your answer true.
I'd be crazy to jump in the sack with you
Your hard-on is so disgustin'
It's limp and has a crust on.

I wouldn't be pleased
To get a disease
From a bicycle built for two

Sorry, I know I'm sick and twisted! *BG*

BB,
NightWing


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Matt_R
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 06:10 PM

I like America, and yes, a lot of their songs have goofy lyrics. But most don't and are excellent.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 18 Sep 06 - 09:46 PM

He was a sawmill proprietor,
And she a young maid yet unkissed.
One evening he winked his glass eye at her,
But she said, "Nay, nay, sir! Desist!" -- "Vera"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 19 Sep 06 - 05:46 AM

Tw'as there in the bakery
surrounded by fakery

As sung by E Clapton in " Sign Language"
( you talk o me in sign language
while I'm eating a sandwich"

It's not the sounds, tonal quality, matching syllables that make a crap rhyme it's the use of a completely inappropriate word in the context soley because it rhymes which makes the rhyme crap.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 20 Sep 06 - 02:38 AM

I pretty much agree, Robbie.

I'm sick of certain overused, unimaginative, "easy" rhymes, such as
"I'll keep waiting,
Anticipating ... "

and bad grammar done just to force the rhyme, e.g.

"Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.
O no, no, no you can't disguise ... "

or "Hungry Eyes,
One look at you and I can't disguise ..."

(Disguise WHAT!!??)

or "Hungry Eyes,
I feel the magic between you and I ... "


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 20 Sep 06 - 09:12 AM

If we're going by the standard that it's the use of a completely inappropriate word in the context solely because it rhymes which makes the rhyme crap, then this must qualify as one of MacColl's less glorious efforts:
The old ways are passing and soon will be gone
And progress is aye a big factor
It's sent to afflict us and when they evict us
They tow us away wi a tractor
As for rhyming "platic with "baskets", any comment of mine would be superfluous.
Farewell to the blossom and besoms of broom
Farewell tae the creels and the baskets
The folk of today would far rather pay
For a thing that is made oot o plastic
I don't think either of these were intentionally bad, but even the greatest writers have their off days.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 20 Sep 06 - 12:13 PM

Yeah, snuffy, they could've at least tried to work in a word like "gasket" instead. ;)

Of course, the vocabularily-stumped* would-be rhymer can always fall back on the clever device used by many a troubadour and by Paul Simon in "Mrs. Robinson":

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.
Jesus loves you more than you should know
Oh oh oh

What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson?
Joltin Joe has left and gone away
Hey hey hey.

I actually love this song, including that sort of 'cheap rhyme', but it probably only works in a song that's a bit tongue-in-cheek.


*OK, I made that word up. Sue me.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 01:44 AM

It just occurred to me today that one of my favorite CCR songs has this 'rhyming' gem:

Dinosaur Victrola
Listening to Buck Owens ...


Yup, that rhymes! LOL


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Declan
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 05:31 AM

It never rains in California,
but girl let me warn ya

I once wrote a song that never saw the light of day about a particular night out in Dublin. There was a very drunken man reciting "poetry" on the night in question. The verse went something like:

"The poet was stretched out all over the table,
To recite his poetry, he barely was able,
His poem spoke of women, It seems he'd his bed full,
I quite liked his verse, but his rhyming was dreadful"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Darowyn
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 06:49 AM

I don't think that anyone should whinge about what I call regional rhymes. Rhyming mirror with beer would be terrible if I did it, but if it was a song from say Kentucky or Tennessee, it would probably be a genuine rhyme. You'd prbably get away with rhyming squirrel with girl too.
In "I want to hold your hand", the Beatles rhyme "I think it's only fair" with "apologise to her". That is a true rhyme in Liverpool to this day.
In my own house, my wife Wendy could rhyme book with spook, where coming from the opposite side of the Pennines, I would rhyme book with luck.
I add my disdain for Neil Diamond's "brang", and as an example of the way in which perfect rhyming can be destructive and unintentionally comic, Billy Braggs lines go:-
"I've always heard it said that love is based on understanding,
Until that's true you'll find your stuff all stacked out on the landing "
(Actually it might not be entirely unintentional here)
Cheers
Dave


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tom Hamilton frae Saltcoats Scotland
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 06:54 AM

this is about Scots whisky


Leave Us Our Glens
       (George Donald / Buff Hardie)
       I love Scotland's glens, and whatever else we lose
       Please leave us our glens, our glorious glens
       Our mountains as grand, Ben Nevis, Ben Lomond too
       You can have all those bens, but leave us our glens
       Glenfiddich, Glendronach, Glenlivet, Glen Grant
       Can you do without them? If you must know, I can't
       Put a drop in the glass of Glen Spey or Glen Drotter
       It's a perfectly bearable way to drink water
       I'd willingly lose our culture, or most of it
       Including that mess they call 'full Highland dress'
       With the whole ethnic bit of haggis and Hogmanay
       I'd gladly dispense, but leave us our glens
       Glenfiddich, Glendronach, Glenlivet, Glen Fall
       I once knew a man who had sampled them all
       Glenisla, Glenugie, Glenkinchie, that's plenty
       He looked sixty-five, but in fact he was twenty
       Take our Highlands scottische, take our marches, strathspeys and reels
       Take our old Scottish waltz, but leave us our malts
       You can take, if you wish, our ladies' conveniences
       And our gentlemen's - but leave us our glens
       Glenfiddich, Glendronach, Glenlivet, Glenfyne
       Was great at communion when we ran out of wine
       Glenisla, Glenugie, Glenkinchie, Glenmorangie
       I prefer them to Quantro which I find too orangey
       Oh breathe there a Scot whose aims and priorities
       When laid on the line, are different from mine
       Take our homes, take our jobs, take anything else you will
       Wife, family and friends, but leave us our glens
       (as sung by Iain MacKintosh)

      Susanne´s Folksong-Notizen
       [1987:] Buff Hardie (lyrics), George Donald (music). Written in 1975.
       (Hardie / Robertson / Donald, Scotland the What? Collected sketches and
       songs, Gordon Wright Publ., Edinburgh)
       [1995:] Glenmorangie [...] has a special kind of floweriness, a delicate
       yet unmistakeable fragrance, that I find extremely attractive. It is
       bottled at 70°, ten years old, and [...] is what I would call an all-
       purpose whisky. It is equally good as a pre- prandial and as a post-
       prandial drink, and I confess I have drunk it at many other times as
       well. There is a Glenmorangie which I have drunk at the distillery which
       is older and more full- bodied than that which is available bottled,
       possessing more richness and less delicacy than the latter. It goes for
       blending, of course [...].
       At its best, Smith's Glenlivet combines a teasing subtlety of flavour
       with a distinctive 'nose' and fullness. These are not always
       sufficiently in evidence when bottled too young, but the firm's own
       bottling, twelve years old at 80°, gives one everything that could be
       desired in this noble whisky. I have tasted a Glenlivet put in cask in
       1941 and bottled (by Berry Brothers & Rudd) in 1958, and the only note
       on it which I entered in my whisky scrap- book after the first glass was
       simply 'a superb whisky'. But later experience of comparing different
       ages and proofs leads me to believe that additional age over twelve
       years does not add all that much in quality and (within limits, of
       course) a twelve- year- old at a higher proof tastes better than an
       older whisky at a lower proof. But the twelve- year- old is decidedly
       better than anything younger. [...]
       How does Glenlivet compare with Glen Grant? In general character they
       are not dissimilar: each has that smooth integration of peatiness,
       softness and full sweetness (or almost sweetness) that needs age to
       bring it out. Like Glenlivet, Glen Grant is conspicuously better at ten
       or, better still, twelve years old than at, say, five (and it is
       available at five years old). There is a sharpness about a young Glen
       Grant that belies its true potential. [...] A well- matured Glen Grant
       has a splendid smoothness: it is not, perhaps, such a complexly
       patterned whisky in the combination of 'nose', taste and after- taste
       that is found in Glenlivet at its best, being a more single- minded
       whisky, as it were. [...]
       Glenfiddich [...] has a pleasing dry fragrance [...]. Glenkinchie, which
       so far as I know is not available as a single whisky but of which I have
       a sample bottle from an Edinburgh blending firm [...] is a very
       agreeable whisky, slightly sweeter and perhaps just a trifle sharper
       than Rosebank. (Daiches, Scotch Whisky. Its Past and Present 170ff)
       [1998:] Written for 'Scotland the What?' 'Glen Drotter' is probably a
       made up name in order to get the rhyme. (Pr. comm., ICM)

Quelle: Scotland
   L-Index


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Darowyn
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 09:07 AM

Oops- it's "She Loves You" not "I want to Hold Your Hand"
Cheers
Dave


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 09:14 AM

Both from the Turtles - although I do believe they did it on purpose. Or should that be on porpoise? Oh , never mind.

I realy think you're groovy
Lets go out to a movie

further along

Your lips intoxicate me
even though your folks hate me

and, the chorus. Not strictly a rhyme but the worse example of fitting a meter in badly

Elenor, gee, I think your swell
and you realy do me well
you're my pride and joy etcetera

They don't write 'em like that any more.

:D (tG)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 09:57 AM

From my song "Cowardly Act":

The truth would surely challenge the most bizarre criteria –
That cow'd been rustled by Russians from her pasture in Siberia.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Flash Company
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 10:54 AM

Johnnie Mercer was responsible for this one, so politically incorrect you couldn't sing it now:-

The other girls can go to Europe, and mix in high society,
And they can wed a Count or Marquis,
Or a Russian, or a darky,
But when I get married, and settle in Brooklyn,
He may be a hobo, a hick or a rueben,
But he has to be a Cuban!

FC


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 11:06 AM

Several distinct reason why people say somethings a "bad rhyme".

One is where the words in question just don't rhyme. But sometimes this criticism is misplaced, because in English there are a wide variety of varieties of rhyme, and the "perfect rhyme" is only one of these - and not always the best one to use.

A too perfect and predictable rhyme can in fact come across as trite. And in fact some of the examples of "bad rhymes" offered up in this thread fall into that category - perfect but trite.

And there are perfect rhymes which are in a way the opposite of that - they are so unexpected they come across as forced and over artificial. Which is OK as a comic device, but lianbkle to be disastrous in other contexts.

And there are rhymes which work in some accents/dialects, but not in the one used by the critic. (I'd say that "warrior" and "bore ya" probably fall that category, since many Americans do seem to pronounce "warrior" as "wore-ya" where the English would say worr-ya.)
..................
One way of getting away with a rhyme using an unusual word, when you don't want it to sound comic, is to use the unusual word first, and the common word as the rhyme, rather than the other way round.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: curmudgeon
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 11:37 AM

Tequila Sheila by Shel Silverstein --

"I never thought you were a squeeler,
Sheiler"

Linn (Bat Goddess) forgot to change from Tom's cookie and don't have time now


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 06:49 PM

McGonigal has already been mentioned. That should have killed the thread....


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,frogprod
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 07:02 PM

on the subject of America's lyrics: while it has nothing to do with rhyme, it IS one of the worst lines of all time - "the heat was hot"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 07:13 PM

Unless "the heat" meant "the police". (I'm not saying it does in that line, since I don't know the context - but sometimes words aren't that straightforward.)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,frogprod
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 07:47 PM

well, the words all seem to refer to weather and nature, so I presume it refers to temperature rather than police... and, come to think of it, there is at least one very bad rhyme in there - "clouds" and "sound"... it's from A HORSE WITH NO NAME

On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
And the sky with no clouds
The heat was hot and the ground was dry
But the air was full of sound


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 09:31 PM

I'm with Genie above - I reckon Leonard Cohen's rhymes in 'Hallelulia' are execrable. They make me grit my teeth and flinch whenever I hear them.

Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: johnross
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 10:57 PM

From "The State of Illinois"
(or as it appears in Sandburg's "American SOngbag," El-a-noy)

Away up in the northward,
Right on the border line,
A great commercial city,
Chicago, you will find.
Her men are all like Abelard,
Her women like Heloise;
All honest, virtuous people,
For they live in Illinois.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: leeneia
Date: 05 Nov 06 - 11:08 PM

From "As we march-ed down to Fenario" --

I love you most of all, Captain Willie-o,
I love you most of all, Captain Willie-o,
I love you most of all, but your fortune is too small.
I'm afraid that my mother would be angry-o.

Eh?

I have folk-processed this abject lack of rhyme to a merely clumsy rhyme by changing Willie to Danny. How much you wanna bet it was Danny originally?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Barbara
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 12:35 AM

Tom Lehrer:
"I love her and she loves me
And happy are the both of we"

Of course he is spoofing Gilbert and Sullivan's style. It's from the song where he sings "Clementine " in the manner of a number of famous composers.

Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: leeneia
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 08:02 AM

Whether he's spoofing or not, Barbara, you're right that that is an awful rhyme.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 08:37 AM

Used to play in an Aussie bush band who opened their show with a song containing the immortal lines:

"We play our music to entertain ya
The songs and music of Austra-ya"

Shear poetry!

MC


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 11:41 AM

"RHYME: The repetition of similar or duplicate sounds at regular intervals, usually the repetition of the terminal sounds of words at the end of lines of verse....

Verse has not always made use of rhymes, and some poets (eg Milton) have spoken against it; nevertheless, rhyme is one of the most persistent of poetic devices. It calls attention to the word as sound, which we enjoy form its own sake, as opposed to the word as conveyor of meaning. It also functions as a marker, signalling the end of a rhythmical unit.

When a rhythmical and rhetorical unit coincide, the rhyme reinforces their correspondence; when they do not, the rhyme establishes in the mind of the reader an interaction between them."


From a readers Guide to Literary Terms, Beckson and Ganz, Thames and Hudson 1961)

Can't say fairer than that...


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,grr
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 11:49 AM

Anything in pop music which lazily uses the end-syllables "-ation".


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 12:49 PM

John Milton on rhyme:

... rime being no necessary adjunct or true ornament of poem or good verse, in longer works especially, but the invention of a barbarous age, to set off wretched matter and lame metre; graced indeed since by the use of some famous modern poets, carried away by custom, but much to their own vexation, hindrance, and constraint to express many things otherwise, and for the most part worse, than else they would have expressed them.

Not without cause therefore some both Italian and Spanish poets of prime note have rejected rime both in longer and shorter works, as have also long since our best English tragedies, as a thing of itself, to all judicious ears, trivial and of no true musical delight; which consists only in apt numbers, fit quantity of syllables, and the sense variously drawn out from one verse into another, not in the jingling sound of like endings—a fault avoided by the learned ancients both in poetry and all good oratory.

This neglect then of rime so little is to be taken for a defect, though it may seem so perhaps to vulgar readers, that it rather is to be esteemed an example set, the first in English, of ancient liberty recovered to heroic poem from the troublesome and modern bondage of riming.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 02:26 PM

And nobody


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 11:19 PM

Barbara quoted Tom Lehrer:

    I love her and she loves me
    And happy are the both of we

And leeneia wrote,

    Whether he's spoofing or not, Barbara, you're right that that is an awful rhyme.

But you know the very next couplet in that song is

   I love her and she loves I
   And will for all eternity

With "eternity" pronounced to rhyme with "I".

Of course, Lehrer has a lot of excruciating rhymes:

    When the air becomes uranious/We will all go simultaneous

    The druggist on the corner, he/Was never mean or ornery

He rhymes "funeral" with a piece of "sooner or later".

    Everybody say his own/Kyrie Eleison

    These are all the ones of which the news has come to Harvard
    There may be many others but they haven't been discovered

    Plagiarize!/Let no one else's work evade your eyes!

    While we're attacking frontally/Watch Brinkley and Huntley/Describing contrapuntally

And so on. Well, you could call them all awful, but since the songs are supposed to be comical, I'd rather call them awful good.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Anonymous Evil
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 12:27 AM

GOAT-HERD........


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 01:11 AM

Guest rr, I'd say it's rap music more than pop that overuses the lazy "-ation" rhymes.

"Dave the gnome, this from the Turtles is an excellent example:
Eleanor, gee, I think you're swell
and you realy do me well.
You're my pride and joy et cet'ra."

But you left off the most groan-worthy part: in the ending of that verse they rhymed "et cet'ra" with "better!"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 02:23 AM

JUBILATION T. CORNPONE
Lil' Abner : The Musical (1956)
(Gene De Paul / Johnny Mercer)
Stubby Kaye - 1956


When we fought the Yankees and annihilation was near,
Who was there to lead the charge that took us safe to the rear?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "Toot your own horn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, a man who knew no fear!

When we almost had 'em but the issue still was in doubt,
Who suggested the retreat that turned it into a rout?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "Tattered and torn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he kept us hidin' out!

With our ammunition gone and faced with utter defeat,
Who was it that burned the crops and left us nothing to eat?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "September Morn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, the pants blown off his seat!

and so on..


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 02:36 AM

A St—r Mo Chro'

A st—r mo chro', when you're far away
From the home you will soon be leaving
'Tis many a time by night and by day
Your heart will be sorely grieving
The stranger's land may be bright and fair
And rich in its treasures golden
You'll pine, I know, for the land long ago
And the love that is never olden


A Walk in the Irish Rain

When the sun goes down o'er Dublin town,
The colours last for hours, oh.
The lights come on, the night's a song,
And the streets all turn to gold.
A gentle mist all heaven kissed,
Like teardrops off an angel's wing.
Don't you know you'll cleanse your soul,
With a walk in the Irish rain.
Chorus:
Oh, Katherine, take my hand,
I've got three pounds and change.
And I'll sing you songs of love again.
And when I get too drunk to sing,
We'll walk in the Irish rain.


Adieu to Lovely Garrison

Adieu to you Bundoran
With your beauty spread far and wide.
Your lovely strand, both gay and grand,
Washed by the Atlantic tide.
In the summertime the strangers come
Some pleasure for to see.
But alas it grieves me to the heart
To be far away from thee.

Just to show that we Irish are well in the race when it comes to banality and bad verse.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 04:38 AM

Was that ever in doubt, Guest, dear? ;)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: DoctorJug
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 06:58 AM

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one.
Perhaps one day you'll join us
And the world will live as one.

True genius.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 08:08 AM

Where have all the flowers gone? Arrgh. [By sheer luck they are now far, far away.]


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 09:02 AM

High in the sky floats the neocon castles.
raining prayers and bombs from its ego strong ass holes.

-excerpt from the Sack of Baghdad-


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 01:55 PM

"Where Have All The Flowers Gone?" is an example of one of those songs that uses pattern repetition and "refrain" repetition but not rhyme.   Highly structured lyrics with no rhymes at all.

Now, if we're broadening the topic to include other kinds of bad lyrics, I nominate the song "Rose Garden" (sung by Lynne Anderson).   An especially atrocious collection of piled-on clichés and cheap pointless rhyme is this part:

You'd better look before you leap;   
Still waters run deep
And I won't be there to pull you out,
And I know what I'm talking about ...


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 03:38 PM

"Where Have All The Flowers Gone?" is an example of one of those songs that uses pattern repetition and "refrain" repetition but not rhyme.   Highly structured lyrics with no rhymes at all.

No rhyme?

Where have all the xxxxxxxxx gone
Gone to xxxxxxxxxx every one


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 07:18 PM

one of my all time favourites,


from,'The Bacon Butty'(written by Fred McCormick)


And to the ones who daily toil
In sandwich bar and kitchen
To serve in cellophane and foil
Our modest lives enriching.

Well washed and free from gangarine
I bless the tender hand which
Spreads thick, and fast, the margarine,
Upon the bacon sandwich.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 02:37 AM

Ok, Snuffy, maybe I should have acknowledged "gone" and "one" as a half-rhyme, but it's part of the repeated REFRAIN.   (I still don't think it rhymes, but that's just me.)

The point was that once the repetitive refrain is established, the rest of the lines don't even try to rhyme, yet the song still has very regular patterns.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 02:54 AM

I like Maurice Condie's Limerick:

There was a young lady from Bude,
Who went for a swim in a pond.
A man in a punt, stuck his pole in the water
And said "you can't swim here, it's private."

My boyfriend wrote a similarly amusing poem about his goldfish while he was at school that simply went:

                  Oh, wet pet.

That's a good rhyme though...


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 08:46 AM

Ah, regional differences in pronunciation, Genie. For me both "one" and "gone" rhyme with "on", "Don", "Ron", etc. Do you rhyme "gone" with "lawn" or "morn" or what?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: KateG
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 01:20 PM

Snuffy,
For me (NE US of A) and possibly for Genie, "gone" rhymes with on, Don & Ron, but "one" rhymes with dun, bun, and run.

Actually the rhyme that I can't figure out is the old nursery rhyme:

"I love little pussy, her coat is so warm;
And if I don't hurt her, she'll do me no harm."

I've never been able to make that one work in my head except by pronouncing warm as if I were speaking German, but it might work in dialects other than mine.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 03:32 PM

Any kind of echo can serve as a rhyme well enough. The rhymes that really deserve to be called "bad rhymes" are those you get when, in an effort to achieve a perfect rhyme, a writer, distorts what they are saying in order to obtain that rhyme, in a poem that isn't intended to be humorous. In other words, bad rhymes are formally perfect rhymes which don't fit.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Chris Cole
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 05:39 PM

There's no beginning... There'll be no end 'cause on my love, you can depend. (love is all around me)

Yuck - makes me cringe every time


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 11:52 PM

Yeah, it is regional.   Where I come from, depending on what week it is, "gone" may rhyme with "lawn" or "on," but "one" usually rhymes with "run."    Of course, in some areas in the southern US, "on" rhymes with "phone." LOL


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 11:54 PM

McGrath, I think you've put your finger on the essence of "bad rhyme."


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Uncle Phil
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 11:27 PM

"He loves all the people no matter their races,
Hell he even had a hit country song with Julio Iglesias"
Bruce Robinson, with tongue firmly in cheek, in the song What Would Willie Do?
- Phil


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,nick gourley
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:08 AM

my mother is black and my fathers on crack what are you on


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Peter T.
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:23 AM

And while one is parsing this, there are different elements to the bad rhyme problem. For instance, if you consider it as a problem based on the need to have the last word in the line rhyme with the last word of the previous line (or recent line), then badness (1) you could pick a crappy word; or badness (2) you could pick a good word, but in order to get to it, you have to create a phrase that is ungrammatical or clunky. I am usually much more unhappy about the second problem than about the first. I'm sure there are other badnesses people could name and illustrate......

yours,

Peter T.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:47 AM

Oh, Shenanikey Dah
He play the guitar
Outside the bazaar, bazaar, bazaar.
As he play the guitar
He smoke a cigar
And he laugh a da ha ha ha ha ha.

I'll get me Barbour . . .


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Rog Peek
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:51 AM

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road


Rog


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: pavane
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:59 AM

You get enough germs to catch Pneumonia
And when you do, he'll never Phone ya

Bacharach & David "I'll never fall in love again"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:17 AM

Once, in the late 1950's, a traveling minstrel appeared at our local coffee house, claiming to be the performer of the "definitive version" of John Henry. We could have overlooked such puffery had it not been for the "un-verse" he shared with us, claiming it to be the world's shortest folk song: "You stole my wife,
                              You horse thief!"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:30 AM

Rod Stewart:-

He took her up to his high rise apart-ment,
And there he told her exactly what his heart meant.


Joey Dee and the Starlighters:-

Sitting in the limelight
Waiting for me ya-ya
Ug - hugh

(they actually get this to rhyme)

Then there is the Benny Hill classic, in which the puns and bad rhymes are calculated:-

GARDEN OF LOVE

Benny Hill



(Chorus) The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love

Now there's a rose for the way my spirits rose when we met
A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget
A pine tree for the way I pined over you
And an ash for the day I ashed you to be true

(Chorus) And the sun….

Now there's a palm tree that we planted when we had our first date
A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late
Your mother and your cousin, Chris, they often used to come
So, in their honour, I have raised a nice chris-an'-the-mum

(Chorus) And the sun….

Now there's a beetroot for the day you said that you'd beetroot to me
A sweet pea for the sweet way you always smiled at me
But you had friends who needed you
There was Ferdy, there was Liza
So, just for them, I put down a load of ferdy-liza

(Chorus) And the sun….

But Gus the gardener's left now and you went with him, too
The fungus there reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you
Now the rockery's a mockery, with weeds it's overgrown
The fuchsia's gone, I couldn't face the fuchsia all alone

And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above
And poisoned all the flowers in my garden of love


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:39 AM

Inspired by a poetry reading at the Museum of Modern Art locally:

"Despite a dangling participle,
His verbiage hardly caused a ripple.
Our focus was, instead, you see,
On the mobile hung from Calder's nipple."


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:55 AM

My favourite 'bad rhyme' hasto be from "El Passo"...."
I chose a good one,
I thought that it could run" Brilliant!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 12:42 PM

One rather wistful song about Ireland has the line:-

There was music there,
In the Derry Air.

Just can't keep a straight face when I hear that one.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 01:58 PM

If it's a frivolous or funny song, the more far-fetched and strained the rhyme the better.   A bad rhyme is a rhyme that wastes the chance to do something.

If it's a serious song the rhyme ideally shouldn't even be noticed. A bad rhyme is a rhyme that sticks out as clever the first time you hear it.

As to whether the rhymes themselves are full rhymes, or part rhymes or assonances or whatever, that kind of thing doesn't really matter a monkey's.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: quokka
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 07:32 PM

I can't believe no one has mentioned Marc Bolan!

"Well you ain't no witch
And I love the way you twitch"

Cheers,

Quokka


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 09:14 PM

I believe I have noted this in some other thread, but IMO the worst rhyme in English prosody actually occurs in a folk song:

There is a tree in paradise,
And the pilgrims call it the tree of life.

The last word is stretched out over 8 beats, during which the naive listener may wonder whether it is going to be "lies" or "lice".


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: cptsnapper
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 09:51 PM

How about " Kissed her once again at Wapping , after that there was no stopping.

Ewan McColl " Sweet Thames Flow Softly"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mark Ross
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:55 PM

"These blues I choose to use abuse my shoes."

Utah Phillips c.1972

That is definitely the worst one!

Mark Ross


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tangledwood
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 04:37 AM

Neil Diamond -

Songs she sang to me,
songs she brang to me


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,OLDNICKILBY
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 04:45 AM

"Hare wasnt hisn
Now in prison"
From Baring Goulds "Old Adam was a Poacher"
Takes a bit of beating


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 08:28 PM

OldNickilby: I believe that

He who sells what isn't hisn
Must buy it back or go to prison.

is proverbial.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 01:37 AM

"There's a guard and there's a sad old Padre
On and on, we'll walk at daybreak"
- Green, Green Grass of Home


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Marilyn
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 04:49 AM

One that really makes me cringe:

   "When the drink finally hit her,
   She said 'I'm no quitter'"

from 'Ruby'.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 04:57 AM

So that upon her face no more I'll look,
Oh, why has she away from me been took?


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: MartinRyan
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 05:00 AM

Sometimes, of course, a rhyme is so bad that it's brilliant!

"But in spite of his faults and ridiculous foibles
He still had a band of devoted disciples."

William Shakespeare's King Lear - as interpreted by Con 'Fada' O'Drisceoil.

Regards


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 07:20 PM

I coudn't find this when this threaed was ciurrent about a week ago, but have unearted it - can anyone beat this piece of pure doggerel?

I think it's anonymous with good reason:-

LOVE ALONE

It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

I know King Edward was noble and great,
But it's love what caused him to abdicate
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

I know my mama she gonne grieve,
He said "I cannot help but I am bound to leave
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

And he got the money and he got the talk,
And the fancy walk just to suit New York
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

You can take my throne, you can take my crown,
But leave me Mrs Simpson to renown
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

Rest of verses without chorus lines:-

Come a reel come a roll upon my mind
I cannot leave Mrs Simpson behind

On the 10th of December you heard the talk
When he gave the throne to the Duke of York

Now he's the victim of circumstance
Now they live in the south of France

If you see Mrs Simpson across the street
You can guarantee she is a busy bee

Let the organ roll, ley the church bell ring
He said "Good luck" to our second bachelor King.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: cloudstreet
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 03:03 AM

Mary and me, we're a comfortable fit
The ocean here's runnin' with salmon.
Evenings, we take a long walk on the spit,
And Sundays, sometimes we go clammin'


From the otherwise excellent Fred Small.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Musket
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 03:19 AM

Number 6 said:

I cringe at the line ...

"Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherry."

What's wrong with that rhyme?

Now you might not like the line as a matter writing style, but it sounds like a perfect rhyme to me.

Dave Oesterreich

Yeah Dave BUT

It makes a better rhyme as follows;

"Down the road I walk with my sweet Mary,
Teeth all black and her legs all hairy"

Mind you, try that in a karaoke and they turn the microphone off. (Ingoldmells, Coral Club Summer 1995)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 10:00 AM

'.........out here in the fields
I fight for my mields
I put my back in to my livin'
I don't have to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgivin


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 10:04 AM

Sometimes, of course, a rhyme is so bad that it's brilliant!

"But in spite of his faults and ridiculous foibles
He still had a band of devoted disciples."

William Shakespeare's King Lear - as interpreted by Con 'Fada' O'Drisceoil.

*********

Bear in mind ol' Will was a Brummie,

so in that dialect it'd be 'discoyples'!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bert
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 12:24 PM

Context is everything, Thomas Hood was a master of bad rhymes and puns. Trouble was when he used them in serious poems like the rhyming of 'pitiful' with 'city full' in Bridge of sighs.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,henryp
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM

The poor have only Christmas-time
For fun, not like the rich 'uns.
And spare a thought for turkeys too -
This year why not try pigeons!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 02:18 PM

OK... I'll do the first two lines... perhaps you could finish it off for me!

A Pirate called Long John Silver,
Had problems peeling his orange.

Over to you!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Kampervan
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 02:36 PM

A Pirate called Long John Silver
Had, problems peeling his orange
Fruit; so called out loudly,come here Jim
lad,and clean all this juice from my best morning suit.

Well what did you expect!:->


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Matt_R
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 09:59 AM

"The way Kathy Lee needs Regis
The way school needs teachers
That's the way I need Jesus"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 10:01 AM

" O silvery bridge o'er the Tay........" etc!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 10:06 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Topaz_McGonagall


http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=B0WDNSZFCyo


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 09:28 PM

Just yesterday, at a conference, I was alerted to the fact that no less a person than Franci
s James Child wrote a Civil War propaganda song whose chorus was

I speak my mind quite freely.
Now ree'ly.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 07:33 AM

There's a bell in Moscow
And on tower and kiosk O

- just one execrable rhyme from the execrable poem/song "The Bells of Shandon"

(which sound so grand on the pleasant waters of the River Lee).

I wouldn't mind, but it has been anthologised more times than enough - Palgrave, for one . . .


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: MissouriMud
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 12:34 PM

Back near the beginning of this thread SharonA mentioned Richmond is a Hard Road to Travel - but the song it was based on, "Jordan is a Hard Road to Travel" published by Daniel Emmett in 1853 and its numerous progeny have produced an incredible volume of verses vaguely attempting to rhyme with the word "Jordan". I'm not sure if the fact that many these lines were written in "dialect" for minstrel shows may have contributed to the odd rhyming. The fact that Emmetts song was used for parodies in England may have compounded this. In any event the poor rhyming pattern seems quite intentional.

Some of the "rhymes" require pronouncing "Jordan" as "Jerdan" in order to rhyme with "certain" etc, but that only works for a few, and some defy explanation other than the fact that the song is normally sung so fast that the words are nearly impossible to distinguish.   Most at least try to match the "'n" of the un-empahasized last syllable, but some dont even do that.

Consider the following verses taken in great part from numerous published versions of the song with the second line attempting to rhyme with Jordan, starting with some of Emmett's originals (i know there are more verses out there I just got tired):

I jest arrived in town fo' to pass the time away,
And I settled all my bizness accordin'
But I found it so cold when I went up de street
Dat I wished I was on de oder side ob Jordan.

I look to the East I look to the West
And I see ole Kossuth a-comin'
With four bay horses hitched up in front,
To tote his money to de oder side ob Jordan.

David and Goliath both had a fight
A cullud man come up behind 'em,
He hit Goliath on de head wid a bar of soft soap
And it sounded to de oder side ob Jordan.

Der's been excitin' times for de las' year or two
About de great Presidential election
Frank Pierce got elected and sent a hasty plate ob soup
To his opponent on de oder side ob Jordan.

I am guine to sing a song and I'l make it as I go
The words you will like now depend on
And if it don't you suit, why you can at me hoot
And I'll travel to de odder side of Jordan

Gen's Scott and Pierce dey both hab a race
For de White House you ought to see dem runnin
Massa Pierce come out a head, and Scott give up de chase
And he fotched up on de odder side of Jordan

De Governor of Cuba is kicking up a dust
About de Crescent City, Purser Smith and so on
It will take General Scott for to quiet dat muss
And run dem to the odder side of Jordan

President Filmore is acting mighty strange
(But with George Law he'd better not keep foblin,)
By de 4th of next March, I guess he'll take a range
In de vicinity of de odder side of Jordan

Goerge Law is spunky. and I glory in his grit,
Kase he got de guns and steamer's for to fight on
To blood thirsty Spaniards he won't knock under a bit
Till he leaves dem on de odder side of Jordan

The spirits of fifty murdered Americans are crying for revenge
To de whole Yankee nation to go on
Straight off to Havana their blood to avenge
And blow Moro Castle to de odder side of Jordan

Abraham and Isaac sat down to play the cards
Abraham he hold the cooler
The Ace he could not come, and the Jack he had to run
Twas the biggest hand the other side of Jordan

Moses in the bulrushes asleep, wide awake
Playing possum in a two bushel basket
With a wreath of candles strung around his head
To light him to the other side of Jordan

Collins and Cunard are both very fine men
The Arabia Johnny Bull he bets on
But the very next trip that the Atlantic makes
She will tow her to the other side of Jordan

Oh the Chatham street railroad has made a mighty talk
It's a subject you all no doubt have heard on
They make you pay five cents, and stand up all they way
Until they land you on the other side of Jordan

Forest in Metamora takes all the heavy parts
Oh, you ought to hear the b'hoys applaud him
"You've sent for me and I've come" it sounded like a gun
They heard it on the other side of Jordan

Of all the banjo songs that have been sung of late,
There is none that is now so often called on,
As the one I sing myself, and apply it to the times,
It's called "On the Other Side of Jordan."

Around the Crystal Palace there are a great many shows,
Where all the country green horns are drawn in--
There're snakes and alligators, mammouth mules and big 'taters,
That were raised upon the other side of Jordan.

The Duchess of Southerland, she keeps the Stafford House,
The place where the "Black Swan" is boarding;
At a musical party, they asked for a song,
And she gave them--On the other side of Jordan.

Oh I lookee to de East, an' I lookee to de West
An' I see a mighty chariot a comin'
Wid forty grey hosses a crackin' on the lead
For to take us on de odder side o' Jordan

Den I lookee to de Norf, an' I lookee to de Souf
An' I spied a might purty flower garden
An' old Fader Miller a blowin' on ther clarionet
To invite us on the odder side o' Jordan

Joe Smith and Fader Miller dey got into a fight
An' dar was no near to part em
Farder Miller kicked Smith, an' he tumbled on his nose
An' he skeeted to the odder side of Jordan

Uncle Tom's Cabin never was written by mortal hands
I t never was, and there's no use of talking
It was written long ago by Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe
When she lived on the other side of Jordan

Poor Uncle Tom had a berry hard time
Tho he asked Mrs. Beecher's toe's* pardon [sic perhaps Stowe's?]
But she never will diskiver what a wicked thing she did
Till she tried to reach de odder side o' Jordan

Uncle Sam's Black Slave hab got a mighty hard time
But de "White Slave ob England" a more hard one
An' I radder do believe Uncle Sam comes out de best
An he needn't fear de odder side o' Jordan

Den here's to Columbia de country of de free
Tho I ax de odder nations pardon
Let dem take may advice, an' for freedom let dem fight
Or dey'll never see de odder side o' Jordan

Thunder in the clouds, lightning in the trees
What do you think that I told him?
It's goodbye son till the next kingdom come
And I'll meet you on the other side of Jordan.

There were snakes in Ireland not many years ago
St Patrick saw the vermin all a-crawling
But with his shillelagh he hit them on the head
And he drove them 'cross the other side of Jordan.

I looked to the east. I looked to the west,
I seen the old gray goose comin'
With forty gray horses and a Dominicker mule
And they landed on the other side of Jordan.

If you wanna do well, go down the hotel,
Get your room and your board on credit.
If they ask for the pay, you just tell 'em right away
They'll get it on the other side of Jordan

Daddy caught a turkey in the woods the other day
And we put him in the pot for to cook him.
But the turkey jerked his head and he knocked off the led
And he gobbled on the other side of Jordan.

David and Goliath had a fight the other day
And they found one thing for certain.
Hit Goliath on the head with a bar of soft soap
And he landed on the other side of Jordan

It rained 40 days and it rained 40 nights
And it rained on the Alleghany Mountains
It rained 40 horses and a Dominecker mule
And they landed on the other side of Jortan


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Geoff Wallis
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 03:44 PM

One of the best bad rhymes, courtesy of John Cooper-Clarke:

The room it had been ransacked,
There was nothing left at all.
A chicken had been dhansak-ed
And smeared across the wall.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 08:06 AM

From 'Tammy'

I'd sing like a violin
If he was in
my arms.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,KevBoyd
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 12:09 PM

"Sexuality" by Billy Bragg:

"I look like Robert de Niro
I drive a Mitsubishi Zero"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 04:24 PM

From Paul Simon's father and daughter:
Intuition rhymed with fishin'.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 08:28 PM

We seem to have missed

O Lord and God arise,
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall.
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks.
On Thee our hopes we fix --
God save us all!


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 09:32 AM

I can't believe it of Kipling but look at 'Cells' and you will find teh immortal rhyme -

I left my cap in a public-house, my boots in the public road,
And Lord knows where -- and I don't care -- my belt and my tunic goed;

Eeeeeeh. It brings tears to my eyes:-)

DeG


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 08:55 PM

DeG: Are you sure that's not a possible dialect form? I see no evidence of a such a southern form in the OED, but who knows? ("Gaed" is well attested in the north.)


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Nathan in Texas
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 10:31 PM

Robert Earl Keen, Jr., in "Swervin' in My Lane"

"But your still swervin' in my lane and it's causin' lots of danger
I'm a stompin' on the foot feed, I'm a shooting you the finger"


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,John from Kemsing
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 09:37 AM

There was a young man from Peru.
Who was stung on the knee by a wasp.
He said, " That didn`t hurt.
I really don`t care.
It can do it again if it likes".


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 09:59 AM

I'm pretty sure it is no known dialect, Joe, but I have been wrong before:-)

Out of interest - John of K reminded me - Look at Dirty Old Town by Ewan MacColl for a perfect example of the non-rhyming song. Not one single rhyme but perfect meter all the same.

Cheers

DeG


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Faye Roche
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 01:36 PM

Thanks for the MacGonagall post- I haven't seen that poem for years and it had me almost falling off my chair laughing.

I'd like to contribute these two:

In "The Sound of Music" Rogers & Hammerstein almost manage to rhyme "adieu" with "you":

"Farewell, adieu,
to yeu and yeu and yeu"

... and in Burt Bacharach and Hal David's "What do you get when you fall in Love?" the otherwise indominatable pair have this classic:

"What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
And after that he'll never phone yer,
I'll never fall in love again..."


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 07:17 PM

DeG: In any case, it wasn't a fluke, for Kipling did it elsewhere:

We broke a King and we built a road --
A court-house stands where the Reg'ment goed.
And the river's clean where the raw blood flowed
                When the Widow give the party.

Maybe Kipling knew something that you & I & the OED don't.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Kevin S
Date: 10 May 10 - 05:48 PM

From the Kings "This Beat Goes On"

Hey little Donna, ah still wanna
Ya said to ring ya up when I was in Toronto

From Motörhead "Motörhead"

Fourth day, five day marathon,
We're moving like a parallelogram


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 10 May 10 - 07:23 PM

After a visit to Cambodia, I wrote possibly the most serious song I'd ever written in my life. One reviewer suggested that rhyming TB with HIV (two of the biggest scourges in the country apart from dengue fever)was belittling the whole thing, and somehow cheapening the severity of the situation. Far from the truth, both widely accepted medical terms. I was hardly going to try and rhyme tuberculosis with human immunodeficiency virus.
My latest song also contains initials: IED (improvised explosive device), which is what the guys out there fighting call them, and now the journalists too.
Supposedly anyhing with an ee sound in it as an easy rhyme.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 11 May 10 - 04:48 AM

The one that really bugs me, even though it's valid as a rhyme, is
that Edwyn Collins song:

I've never known a girl like you before
Now just like in a song from days of yore
Here you come a knockin', knockin' at my door


Days of yore? Days of yuk.


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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 11 May 10 - 11:25 AM

Of course, for graveyard humor, I always favored this little rhyme from Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:

"Here Lies Lester Moore
Four Slugs From a 44
No Les
No More"

Maybe there's a bad song waiting to be written....?


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