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worst rhyme ever
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: webfolk Date: 16 Jun 05 - 02:56 PM Labi Siffre - It must be love I never thought that I could say so much without words bless you and bless me baby, bless the bees and the birds geoff - Bit on the side |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,lamarca'sOM Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:16 PM "I looked for you in Honolula, San Fransisco and Ashtabula..." Dylan |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:20 PM "I knew an old lady who swallowed a rhinoceros "Pre-posserous!" Dave Oesterreich |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: PoppaGator Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:29 PM I'm enjoying the so-bad-they're-good rhymes (like the many wonderful examples from Tom Lehrer), but what I really want to see are more of the truly bad ones (like Neil Diamond's). Nothing to offer at the moment ~ can't think of anything BAD enough right now, but I'm still trying. I know there are some truly terrible rhymes out there, some undoubtedly rooted in my memory but temporarily suppressed because they're so excruciating. Therapy might set 'em loose... |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: webfolk Date: 16 Jun 05 - 03:33 PM Bruce Watson - Save the Hippy Now the world's a heavy trip and love ain't all you need what would Jimi Hendrix say, where are your Gratefull Deed |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Donuel Date: 16 Jun 05 - 04:53 PM Above the clouds a castle Where only eagles dare Inside there is an ass hole who hoards my pension there. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: RobbieWilson Date: 16 Jun 05 - 05:04 PM she's always looking as if she's always wandering off a cliff |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: SharonA Date: 16 Jun 05 - 05:22 PM IMO, the "worst" rhymes, when they're punny, are the best rhymes! :^) Tom Lehrer, of course, is a grand master of the genre. [pausing here to bow to his genius] But I was researching the US Civil War song "Richmond is a Hard Road to Travel" (a Confederate song) the other day, and it contains some doozies such as... "And he found it rather hard to ride over Beauregard And Johnston proved a deuce of a bother. 'Twas clear beyond a doubt that he didn't like the route And a second time would have to try another." ...and the following contrived-word rhymes (the last one quite un-PC by today's standards)... "Instead of easy ground, at Williamsburg he found A Longstreet indeed and nothing shorter. And it put him in the dumps that spades wasn't trumps And the Hills he couldn't level 'as he orter!' " "We'll take the cursed town, and then we'll burn it down And plunder and hang each cursed Rebel. Yet the contraband was right when he told us they would fight: 'Oh, yes, massa, dey will fight like the debil!' [sic]" |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: JennyO Date: 16 Jun 05 - 11:25 PM I'm pretty sure I saw a Neil Diamond one on this thread, but I think it fell down the black hole of posts around the 14th June that were made when Joe warned us not to post in case our posts got lost. Well he was right - they did. Of course it was the often quoted one: Songs she sang to me Songs she brang to me.... |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Stephen R. Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:05 AM I always thought that "Everyone who sees her / Soon forgets the Mona Leezer" was godawful. Stephen |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: sixtieschick Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:09 AM Weren't there some great groupings of rhyming names in the Kurt Weill/Ira Gershwin song, "Tchaikovsky," in which Danny Kaye sang the names of more than fifty Russian composers in thirty-nine seconds? Or did it go by so fast that it just sounded that way? M. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,Allen Date: 17 Jun 05 - 06:18 AM Reminds me of Tom Lehrer's Periodic Table of Elements song, to the tune of the Major General's Song. Not terribly keen on the last line of Warlike Lads though. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: sapper82 Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:48 AM Hamish, ought that not be "Where's The Candle"? |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,Joe_F Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:56 AM Donuel: Cf. Oh, my name is Diamond Lily, I'm a whore in Picadilly, And my father runs a brothel in the Strand, And my brother sells his arsehole To the guards in Windsor Castle -- We're the finest fucking family in the land. --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: I can state with complete confidence that I'll never amount to anything. :|| |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Steve-o Date: 17 Jun 05 - 02:37 PM I don't want a pickle, Just want to ride on my motorcycle, And I don't want to die.... Just want to ride on my motorcy....... Cul -Arlo Guthrie |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: sixtieschick Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:28 PM Well my heart went boom When I crossed that room . . . |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: SharonA Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:34 PM LYDIA THE TATTOOED LADY Music by Harold Arlen. Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia? Lydia The Tattooed Lady. She has eyes that folks adore so, and a torso even more so. Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia. Oh Lydia The Queen of Tattoo. On her back is The Battle of Waterloo. Beside it, The Wreck of the Hesperus too. And proudly above waves the red, white, and blue. You can learn a lot from Lydia! When her robe is unfurled she will show you the world, if you step up and tell her where. For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree, or Washington crossing The Delaware. Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia? Lydia The Tattooed Lady. When her muscles start relaxin', up the hill comes Andrew Jackson. Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia. Oh Lydia The Queen of them all. For two bits she will do a mazurka in jazz, with a view of Niagara that nobody has. And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz. You can learn a lot from Lydia! Come along and see Buffalo Bill with his lasso. Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso. Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon. Here's Godiva, but with her pajamas on. Here is Grover Whelan unveilin' The Trilon. Over on the west coast we have Treasure Isle-on. Here's Nijinsky a-doin' the rhumba. Here's her social security numba. Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia. Oh Lydia The Champ of them all. She once swept an Admiral clear off his feet. The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat. And now the old boy's in command of the fleet, for he went and married Lydia! |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Bill D Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:36 PM from "Thais" "..one night while resting heavily, From wrestling with the devil, he Had gone to bed quite early, while the sun was shining still. He had a vision Freudian, And though he was annoyed he an- Alyzed it in the well known style of doctors Jung and Brill" ...it goes on... |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:57 PM Technically most of the "terrible rhymes", like the Lehrer ones, are actually perfect rhymes, just a bit unexpected. I never quite understand the custom of making out we don't enjoy those kind of rhymes, when we clearly do. ................. Whales and Wales dont rhyme: they make exactly the same sound. That's not a rhyme. Though it would be, I suppose, if your dialect made a distinction between the w and the wh. If they were the same sound this woudl be an example of an "Identical Rhyme", which is a form which has a long and respectable history, going back at least as far as Chaucer. And Edward Lear goes even further, by using the same word to rhyme with itself in his Limericks. (See entry in A Readers Guide to Literary Terms, Karl Beckson and Arthur Ganz.) But in fact pronouncing W and Wh differently is surely characteristic of "received pronunciation" in England, with "whale" being pronounced more or less as "hwale"? |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Rapparee Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:21 PM One of my favorite Awful Rhymers is George Gordon. Here's some quotes from Don Juan. ..I say -- the future is a serious matter -- And so -- for God's sake -- hock and sodawater! and ...Fit for my poem (that is, for my new one); So, as I said, I'll take my friend Don Juan. Alfie Tennyson had his moments, too. This is the opening stanza to Maud; A Monodrama: I hate the dreadful hollow behind the little wood, Its lips in the field above are dappled with blood-red heath, The red-ribb'd ledges drip with a silent horror of blood, And Echo there, whatever is ask'd of her, answers 'Death.' Everyone has their off days. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Stephen R. Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:43 PM Sorry, McGrath of Harlow, but "wh" is pronounced just "w" in the south of England, so if you didn't know better you would doubtless hear "Prince of Whales" and the like. It isn't like Scotland, where the distinction is maintained (to the point where old texts have "quhilk" and so on). In the US of A, it is regarded as more correct to maintain the distinction, although in practice it tends to depend on dialect. Stephen |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: SINSULL Date: 17 Jun 05 - 10:02 PM From High Noon: He made a vow while in state prison. Vowed it would be my life or his'n. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,Joe_F Date: 17 Jun 05 - 10:51 PM Rapaire: "new one" "Juan" was not actually a bad rhyme in Byron's time; the Anglicized spelling pronunciation was standard in his day. So also with "Quixote" & some other foreign names for which modern usage requires some approximation to the native pronunciation. --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: Who is a hero? He who has conquered himself. :|| |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Abby Sale Date: 18 Jun 05 - 09:31 AM I have to agree with McGrath that an intentional - call it "forced" rhyme - from a fine wordsmith is different. It has the effect (I think) that the poet wanted and people like Lehrer or Nash Or Levy ("Thais") were smart enough to get just the words and effects they wanted. I am also guilty of posting to this thread a longey that went down the black hole of posts around the 14th June. But you get to see (or avoid) it anyway. I really don't know about poetry - if a folk song sings well, it often (especially the chanty) ignores any great need to be slavish about rhyming - often ignores it with impunity. But terrible bad poetry (unjustifiably bad, that is) is another story. One couldn't find a better benchmark than The Great McGonagall. He rates three entries in the Happy File but here's a Dec 28 entry. The Tay Bridge Disaster occured 12/28/1879 so the master wrote: The Tay Bridge Disaster Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay! Alas! I am very sorry to say That ninety lives have been taken away On the last Sabbath day of 1879, Which will be remember'd for a very long time. 'Twas about seven o'clock at night, And the wind it blew with all its might, And the rain came pouring down, And the dark clods seem'd to frown, And the Demon of the air seem'd to say- "I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay." When the train left Edinburgh The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow, But Boreas blew a terrific gale, Which made their hearts for to quail, And many of the passengers with fear did say- "I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay." But when the train came near to Wormit Bay, Boreas he did loud and angry bray, And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay On the last Sabbath day of 1879, Which will be remember'd for a very long time. So the train sped on with all its might, And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sught, And the passengers' hearts felt light, Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year, With their friends at home they lov'd most dear, And wish them all a happy New Year. So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay, Until it was about midway, Then the central girders with a crash gave way, And down went the train and passengers into the Tay! The Storm Fiend did loudly bray, Because ninety lives had been taken away, On the last Sabbath day of 1879, Which will be remember'd for a very long time. As soon as the catastrophe came to be known The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown, And the cry rang out all o'er the town, Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down, And a passenger train from Edinburgh, Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow, And made them for to turn pale, Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879, Which will be remember'd for a very long time. It must have been an awful sight, To witness in the dusky moonlight, While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray, Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay, Oh! ill-fated Bridge of thSilv'ry Tay, I must now conclude my lay By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay, That your central girders would not have given way, At least many sensible men do say, Had they been supported on each side with buttresses, At least many sensible men confesses, For the stronger we our houses do build, The less chance we have of being killed. "The Tay Bridge Disaster" by (The Great) William Topaz McGonagall 1830-1902 |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Rapparee Date: 18 Jun 05 - 09:38 AM Yeah, I know, Joe, but it still grates on the ear. Now excuse the Tennyson -- "blood" and "wood" are a "visual rhyme", as are "heath" and "death," but "death" is pronounced "deeth" only as a personal name, as far as I know, and "wood" and "blood" would only rhyme in dialect. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Le Scaramouche Date: 18 Jun 05 - 11:50 AM Rapaire, are you attacking Byron's rhyming? That's what happened to Don Juan when first published. He knew exactly what he was doing. "new one" is one of the ways we know for certain it was Don Joo-en. McGrath, I love the unorthodox way Lehrer rhymes, it's what I like best about his songs. Allen |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Bentley Date: 18 Jun 05 - 12:47 PM How about something along these lines? This is the tale of poor old Fred Who was born one day before he was dead Poor old Fred was a funny old guy He was blind in one ear and deaf in one eye When spoke,he wrote with a limp And when he wrote,he walked with a squint Poor old Bert. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: PennyBlack Date: 18 Jun 05 - 01:06 PM Here's one - a jingle we did for BBC Radio Lancashire - must be the accent - we got away with it! (Tune: Pickle Packers Picnic Outing Words: Pete Skinner & John Bond) If you go along to the big blue bus There's lots of things to do and see They'll show you all computer skills Courtesy of the B B C So if you want to air your voice Make Radio Lancashire your choice So whether it's dry or whether it's moist Go along to the Big Blue Bus |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Big Al Whittle Date: 18 Jun 05 - 01:18 PM well actually pete i thought that was pretty good......moist/choice excellent mate! |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: PennyBlack Date: 18 Jun 05 - 02:03 PM us lanky's hey dropping our Ts hi al |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,Banjoke Date: 18 Jun 05 - 03:31 PM You opened heaven's portal Here on earth, for this poor mortal. You are my lucky star. The worst moment from 'Singin in the Rain' |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 18 Jun 05 - 06:34 PM Rapair said, in part: "wood" and "blood" would only rhyme in dialect. And I think a couple others also referred to the equivalent of "only in dialect". There is nothing but dialect! We all, wherever we live, and whenever, speak dialect of one kind and another. There is no dialectless language. Yer pays yer money and yer tykes yer cherce. Dave Oesterreich |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Rapparee Date: 18 Jun 05 - 08:09 PM 'Course, Unkle Dave. 'Tain't nothin' but dilect. Only, when folks wanna express it in print they ginnerally tries ta make it look like it sounds. Ya kin see how Mark Twain tried ta do that, an' other folks, like Johnny Skelton an' Billy Shakespeare an' Jimmy W. Riley an' Bobby Burns an' Chuck Dickens an' even that guy who wrote Uncle Remus, Joel Chandler Harris. An' that's jist fer starters. An' yeah, I know damn good an' well that Georgie was criticized 'bout his rhymin' when Don Juan was first published; that still don't make for good rhymes (remember, please, that I only quoted two -- the poem is replete with other examples, which I shall leave as an exercise for the student). Nor, of course, does the ability to write in dialect preclude the ability of the writer to use "standard" or even "academic" English style, spelling, and grammar. The authors cited above are excellent examples of that as well. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Bill D Date: 18 Jun 05 - 09:06 PM "The firefly's flame Is something for which science has no name. And I can think of nothing eerier, Than flying around with an unidentified glow on one's posterior" Ogden Nash |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: number 6 Date: 19 Jun 05 - 01:00 AM Tonite I heard someone sing Green Green Grass of Home. This song certainly is not one of my favourites. I cringe at the line ... "Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherry." sIx |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Le Scaramouche Date: 19 Jun 05 - 09:43 AM Cora with the lips of coral, You and I will never quarrel. Dainty little girl Mavis, She is such a rara avis, |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,Uncle DaveO Date: 19 Jun 05 - 11:24 AM Number 6 said: I cringe at the line ... "Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherry." What's wrong with that rhyme? Now you might not like the line as a matter writing style, but it sounds like a perfect rhyme to me. Dave Oesterreich |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,JennyO Date: 19 Jun 05 - 12:04 PM Mary - chairy? Merry - cherry? |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST Date: 19 Jun 05 - 02:57 PM worst rhyme i like the best ... At the grand olf age of eighty seven, they took me from my coffin And gave me a flannel nightshirt that I could travel off in. The opening lines of Sydney Carter's 'Run the Film Backwards' |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: YorkshireYankee Date: 19 Jun 05 - 09:21 PM IMHO, many of the rhymes put forward here as "bad" are simply unorthodox, and many of them are absolutely brilliant. I don't consider "moist" & "choice" a bad rhyme, but rather a "near-rhyme" - perhaps not quite as pleasing as a "perfect" rhyme, but still effective and evocative, and a type of rhyme that is not at all unusual. What I do consider a bad rhyme is one that forces one to pronounce one of the "rhyming" words in a forced/contrived way, and/or does not fit the style of the rest of the song/poem/whatever. As an example,here's a rhyme from (the otherwise wonderful) "Song of the Soul" by Cris Williamson: Come to your life like a warrior Nothing will bore ya If Cris was English, I'd say it's an acceptable rhyme, as English folks would (and do) naturally pronounce words that end in ar/er/or as "ah", but in an American accent (at least, all the ones I can think of), trying to make the rhyme "work" calls attention to itself in a way that detracts from the song. On the other hand, Ogden Nash & Tom Lehrer (whom I adore!) may well use (and use well [g]) many contrived rhymes, but they are used in songs/poems that are funny and playful, and are appropriate given the established mood of the work. "Song of the Soul", however, is (to me) a moving, powerful, serious song -- joyful even -- but not a playful, humorous, silly song, so for me the warrior/bore ya line really jars. In the end, perhaps it comes down to context as much as anything else... |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Little Hawk Date: 19 Jun 05 - 10:12 PM It's a tossup between "warrior/bore ya" and "songs she brang to me". Both lines make me cringe. I say Neil wins by a whisker. As for Mr Dylan, the greatest lyricist of our time, he should get honorable mention for "with unseen consciousness I possessed in my grip a magnificent mantlepiece, though its heart being chipped". It's quite awkward, but it has a certain ragged grandeur at the same time. It's in "Ballad in Plain D", probably the most unfair song Bob ever cast at someone he was angry at (Carla Rotolo, Suze's older sister). |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: YorkshireYankee Date: 19 Jun 05 - 11:09 PM LH, the bit of "though its heart being chipped" that bugs me is not the rhyme, but using "being" (instead of "has been" or "was" -- or maybe even "it was", if having two syllables was imperative) with "though"; it just makes me wince. So give the man a dishonorable mention, by all means -- but not for the near-rhyme, which is not really that bad (though I'll concede it's not that good, either). |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,Joe_F Date: 20 Jun 05 - 12:13 AM Guest: I believe I heard "It isn't the cough that carries you off -- it's the coffin they carry you off in" before I heard of Sydney Carter. (And remember, dying isn't so bad; it's being buried that gets you down.) --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: Suck, squeeze, bang, blow. Internal combustion makes it go. :|| |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST Date: 20 Jun 05 - 01:25 AM the sex pistols! i am an anti-christ i am an anarchIst |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: GUEST,Chris Date: 20 Jun 05 - 12:13 PM From the pen of Glasgow's "worst" poet, Walter McCorisken. The coursest boy I ever saw Whilst walking doon the Broomilaw Said unto his paw "Geeza piece a pizza paw" His maw (Italian) said, "Naw, It's PLEEZA Geeza piece a pizza paw"!! |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Le Scaramouche Date: 20 Jun 05 - 12:20 PM Dreadful! At least McGonangall had class. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Abby Sale Date: 20 Jun 05 - 03:16 PM Beg to differ, Joe. It isn't the coughin' that carries you off It's the coffin they carries you off in I like the dying quote. Must be many of them... Bette Davis (to the effect that) being old isn't for wimps and JP Donleavy: "Upon being old... It's not nice but take comfort that you won't stay that way forever" |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Irish sergeant Date: 20 Jun 05 - 04:24 PM I don't care if it rains or freezes/ long as I got my plastic Jesus/ Standing on the dashboard of my car. Like the song but that is one bad rhyme dudes and dudettes. Neil |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Big Al Whittle Date: 21 Jun 05 - 04:16 AM well if Mary had lips like cherries, they would be little and round with a stone in the middle and a stalk sticking out however I wish I had his money - whoever wrote it. |
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Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever From: Little Hawk Date: 21 Jun 05 - 08:39 AM That bit of McCorisken poetry has got to be the downright WORST in history!!!! |
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