worst rhyme ever

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 11:41 AM

"RHYME: The repetition of similar or duplicate sounds at regular intervals, usually the repetition of the terminal sounds of words at the end of lines of verse....

Verse has not always made use of rhymes, and some poets (eg Milton) have spoken against it; nevertheless, rhyme is one of the most persistent of poetic devices. It calls attention to the word as sound, which we enjoy form its own sake, as opposed to the word as conveyor of meaning. It also functions as a marker, signalling the end of a rhythmical unit.

When a rhythmical and rhetorical unit coincide, the rhyme reinforces their correspondence; when they do not, the rhyme establishes in the mind of the reader an interaction between them."

From a readers Guide to Literary Terms, Beckson and Ganz, Thames and Hudson 1961)

Can't say fairer than that...

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,grr
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 11:49 AM

Anything in pop music which lazily uses the end-syllables "-ation".

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 12:49 PM

John Milton on rhyme:

... rime being no necessary adjunct or true ornament of poem or good verse, in longer works especially, but the invention of a barbarous age, to set off wretched matter and lame metre; graced indeed since by the use of some famous modern poets, carried away by custom, but much to their own vexation, hindrance, and constraint to express many things otherwise, and for the most part worse, than else they would have expressed them.

Not without cause therefore some both Italian and Spanish poets of prime note have rejected rime both in longer and shorter works, as have also long since our best English tragedies, as a thing of itself, to all judicious ears, trivial and of no true musical delight; which consists only in apt numbers, fit quantity of syllables, and the sense variously drawn out from one verse into another, not in the jingling sound of like endings—a fault avoided by the learned ancients both in poetry and all good oratory.

This neglect then of rime so little is to be taken for a defect, though it may seem so perhaps to vulgar readers, that it rather is to be esteemed an example set, the first in English, of ancient liberty recovered to heroic poem from the troublesome and modern bondage of riming.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 02:26 PM

And nobody

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 06 Nov 06 - 11:19 PM

Barbara quoted Tom Lehrer:

    I love her and she loves me
    And happy are the both of we

And leeneia wrote,

    Whether he's spoofing or not, Barbara, you're right that that is an awful rhyme.

But you know the very next couplet in that song is

   I love her and she loves I
   And will for all eternity

With "eternity" pronounced to rhyme with "I".

Of course, Lehrer has a lot of excruciating rhymes:

    When the air becomes uranious/We will all go simultaneous

    The druggist on the corner, he/Was never mean or ornery

He rhymes "funeral" with a piece of "sooner or later".

    Everybody say his own/Kyrie Eleison

    These are all the ones of which the news has come to Harvard
    There may be many others but they haven't been discovered

    Plagiarize!/Let no one else's work evade your eyes!

    While we're attacking frontally/Watch Brinkley and Huntley/Describing contrapuntally

And so on. Well, you could call them all awful, but since the songs are supposed to be comical, I'd rather call them awful good.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,Anonymous Evil
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 12:27 AM

GOAT-HERD........

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 01:11 AM

Guest rr, I'd say it's rap music more than pop that overuses the lazy "-ation" rhymes.

"Dave the gnome, this from the Turtles is an excellent example:
Eleanor, gee, I think you're swell
and you realy do me well.
You're my pride and joy et cet'ra."

But you left off the most groan-worthy part: in the ending of that verse they rhymed "et cet'ra" with "better!"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 02:23 AM

JUBILATION T. CORNPONE
Lil' Abner : The Musical (1956)
(Gene De Paul / Johnny Mercer)
Stubby Kaye - 1956


When we fought the Yankees and annihilation was near,
Who was there to lead the charge that took us safe to the rear?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "Toot your own horn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, a man who knew no fear!

When we almost had 'em but the issue still was in doubt,
Who suggested the retreat that turned it into a rout?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "Tattered and torn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he kept us hidin' out!

With our ammunition gone and faced with utter defeat,
Who was it that burned the crops and left us nothing to eat?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "September Morn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, the pants blown off his seat!

and so on..

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 02:36 AM

A St—r Mo Chro'

A st—r mo chro', when you're far away
From the home you will soon be leaving
'Tis many a time by night and by day
Your heart will be sorely grieving
The stranger's land may be bright and fair
And rich in its treasures golden
You'll pine, I know, for the land long ago
And the love that is never olden


A Walk in the Irish Rain

When the sun goes down o'er Dublin town,
The colours last for hours, oh.
The lights come on, the night's a song,
And the streets all turn to gold.
A gentle mist all heaven kissed,
Like teardrops off an angel's wing.
Don't you know you'll cleanse your soul,
With a walk in the Irish rain.
Chorus:
Oh, Katherine, take my hand,
I've got three pounds and change.
And I'll sing you songs of love again.
And when I get too drunk to sing,
We'll walk in the Irish rain.


Adieu to Lovely Garrison

Adieu to you Bundoran
With your beauty spread far and wide.
Your lovely strand, both gay and grand,
Washed by the Atlantic tide.
In the summertime the strangers come
Some pleasure for to see.
But alas it grieves me to the heart
To be far away from thee.

Just to show that we Irish are well in the race when it comes to banality and bad verse.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 04:38 AM

Was that ever in doubt, Guest, dear? ;)

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: DoctorJug
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 06:58 AM

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one.
Perhaps one day you'll join us
And the world will live as one.

True genius.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 08:08 AM

Where have all the flowers gone? Arrgh. [By sheer luck they are now far, far away.]

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 09:02 AM

High in the sky floats the neocon castles.
raining prayers and bombs from its ego strong ass holes.

-excerpt from the Sack of Baghdad-

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 01:55 PM

"Where Have All The Flowers Gone?" is an example of one of those songs that uses pattern repetition and "refrain" repetition but not rhyme.   Highly structured lyrics with no rhymes at all.

Now, if we're broadening the topic to include other kinds of bad lyrics, I nominate the song "Rose Garden" (sung by Lynne Anderson).   An especially atrocious collection of piled-on clichés and cheap pointless rhyme is this part:

You'd better look before you leap;   
Still waters run deep
And I won't be there to pull you out,
And I know what I'm talking about ...

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 03:38 PM

"Where Have All The Flowers Gone?" is an example of one of those songs that uses pattern repetition and "refrain" repetition but not rhyme.   Highly structured lyrics with no rhymes at all.

No rhyme?

Where have all the xxxxxxxxx gone
Gone to xxxxxxxxxx every one

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 Nov 06 - 07:18 PM

one of my all time favourites,


from,'The Bacon Butty'(written by Fred McCormick)


And to the ones who daily toil
In sandwich bar and kitchen
To serve in cellophane and foil
Our modest lives enriching.

Well washed and free from gangarine
I bless the tender hand which
Spreads thick, and fast, the margarine,
Upon the bacon sandwich.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 02:37 AM

Ok, Snuffy, maybe I should have acknowledged "gone" and "one" as a half-rhyme, but it's part of the repeated REFRAIN.   (I still don't think it rhymes, but that's just me.)

The point was that once the repetitive refrain is established, the rest of the lines don't even try to rhyme, yet the song still has very regular patterns.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 02:54 AM

I like Maurice Condie's Limerick:

There was a young lady from Bude,
Who went for a swim in a pond.
A man in a punt, stuck his pole in the water
And said "you can't swim here, it's private."

My boyfriend wrote a similarly amusing poem about his goldfish while he was at school that simply went:

                  Oh, wet pet.

That's a good rhyme though...

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 08:46 AM

Ah, regional differences in pronunciation, Genie. For me both "one" and "gone" rhyme with "on", "Don", "Ron", etc. Do you rhyme "gone" with "lawn" or "morn" or what?

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: KateG
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 01:20 PM

Snuffy,
For me (NE US of A) and possibly for Genie, "gone" rhymes with on, Don & Ron, but "one" rhymes with dun, bun, and run.

Actually the rhyme that I can't figure out is the old nursery rhyme:

"I love little pussy, her coat is so warm;
And if I don't hurt her, she'll do me no harm."

I've never been able to make that one work in my head except by pronouncing warm as if I were speaking German, but it might work in dialects other than mine.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 03:32 PM

Any kind of echo can serve as a rhyme well enough. The rhymes that really deserve to be called "bad rhymes" are those you get when, in an effort to achieve a perfect rhyme, a writer, distorts what they are saying in order to obtain that rhyme, in a poem that isn't intended to be humorous. In other words, bad rhymes are formally perfect rhymes which don't fit.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Chris Cole
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 05:39 PM

There's no beginning... There'll be no end 'cause on my love, you can depend. (love is all around me)

Yuck - makes me cringe every time

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 11:52 PM

Yeah, it is regional.   Where I come from, depending on what week it is, "gone" may rhyme with "lawn" or "on," but "one" usually rhymes with "run."    Of course, in some areas in the southern US, "on" rhymes with "phone." LOL

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Genie
Date: 08 Nov 06 - 11:54 PM

McGrath, I think you've put your finger on the essence of "bad rhyme."

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Uncle Phil
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 11:27 PM

"He loves all the people no matter their races,
Hell he even had a hit country song with Julio Iglesias"
Bruce Robinson, with tongue firmly in cheek, in the song What Would Willie Do?
- Phil

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,nick gourley
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:08 AM

my mother is black and my fathers on crack what are you on

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Peter T.
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:23 AM

And while one is parsing this, there are different elements to the bad rhyme problem. For instance, if you consider it as a problem based on the need to have the last word in the line rhyme with the last word of the previous line (or recent line), then badness (1) you could pick a crappy word; or badness (2) you could pick a good word, but in order to get to it, you have to create a phrase that is ungrammatical or clunky. I am usually much more unhappy about the second problem than about the first. I'm sure there are other badnesses people could name and illustrate......

yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:47 AM

Oh, Shenanikey Dah
He play the guitar
Outside the bazaar, bazaar, bazaar.
As he play the guitar
He smoke a cigar
And he laugh a da ha ha ha ha ha.

I'll get me Barbour . . .

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Rog Peek
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:51 AM

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road


Rog

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: pavane
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:59 AM

You get enough germs to catch Pneumonia
And when you do, he'll never Phone ya

Bacharach & David "I'll never fall in love again"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:17 AM

Once, in the late 1950's, a traveling minstrel appeared at our local coffee house, claiming to be the performer of the "definitive version" of John Henry. We could have overlooked such puffery had it not been for the "un-verse" he shared with us, claiming it to be the world's shortest folk song: "You stole my wife,
                              You horse thief!"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:30 AM

Rod Stewart:-

He took her up to his high rise apart-ment,
And there he told her exactly what his heart meant.


Joey Dee and the Starlighters:-

Sitting in the limelight
Waiting for me ya-ya
Ug - hugh

(they actually get this to rhyme)

Then there is the Benny Hill classic, in which the puns and bad rhymes are calculated:-

GARDEN OF LOVE

Benny Hill



(Chorus) The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love

Now there's a rose for the way my spirits rose when we met
A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget
A pine tree for the way I pined over you
And an ash for the day I ashed you to be true

(Chorus) And the sun….

Now there's a palm tree that we planted when we had our first date
A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late
Your mother and your cousin, Chris, they often used to come
So, in their honour, I have raised a nice chris-an'-the-mum

(Chorus) And the sun….

Now there's a beetroot for the day you said that you'd beetroot to me
A sweet pea for the sweet way you always smiled at me
But you had friends who needed you
There was Ferdy, there was Liza
So, just for them, I put down a load of ferdy-liza

(Chorus) And the sun….

But Gus the gardener's left now and you went with him, too
The fungus there reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you
Now the rockery's a mockery, with weeds it's overgrown
The fuchsia's gone, I couldn't face the fuchsia all alone

And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above
And poisoned all the flowers in my garden of love

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:39 AM

Inspired by a poetry reading at the Museum of Modern Art locally:

"Despite a dangling participle,
His verbiage hardly caused a ripple.
Our focus was, instead, you see,
On the mobile hung from Calder's nipple."

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 11:55 AM

My favourite 'bad rhyme' hasto be from "El Passo"...."
I chose a good one,
I thought that it could run" Brilliant!

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 12:42 PM

One rather wistful song about Ireland has the line:-

There was music there,
In the Derry Air.

Just can't keep a straight face when I hear that one.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 01:58 PM

If it's a frivolous or funny song, the more far-fetched and strained the rhyme the better.   A bad rhyme is a rhyme that wastes the chance to do something.

If it's a serious song the rhyme ideally shouldn't even be noticed. A bad rhyme is a rhyme that sticks out as clever the first time you hear it.

As to whether the rhymes themselves are full rhymes, or part rhymes or assonances or whatever, that kind of thing doesn't really matter a monkey's.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: quokka
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 07:32 PM

I can't believe no one has mentioned Marc Bolan!

"Well you ain't no witch
And I love the way you twitch"

Cheers,

Quokka

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 09:14 PM

I believe I have noted this in some other thread, but IMO the worst rhyme in English prosody actually occurs in a folk song:

There is a tree in paradise,
And the pilgrims call it the tree of life.

The last word is stretched out over 8 beats, during which the naive listener may wonder whether it is going to be "lies" or "lice".

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: cptsnapper
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 09:51 PM

How about " Kissed her once again at Wapping , after that there was no stopping.

Ewan McColl " Sweet Thames Flow Softly"

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Mark Ross
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:55 PM

"These blues I choose to use abuse my shoes."

Utah Phillips c.1972

That is definitely the worst one!

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Tangledwood
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 04:37 AM

Neil Diamond -

Songs she sang to me,
songs she brang to me

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: GUEST,OLDNICKILBY
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 04:45 AM

"Hare wasnt hisn
Now in prison"
From Baring Goulds "Old Adam was a Poacher"
Takes a bit of beating

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 08:28 PM

OldNickilby: I believe that

He who sells what isn't hisn
Must buy it back or go to prison.

is proverbial.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 01:37 AM

"There's a guard and there's a sad old Padre
On and on, we'll walk at daybreak"
- Green, Green Grass of Home

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Marilyn
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 04:49 AM

One that really makes me cringe:

   "When the drink finally hit her,
   She said 'I'm no quitter'"

from 'Ruby'.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 04:57 AM

So that upon her face no more I'll look,
Oh, why has she away from me been took?

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: MartinRyan
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 05:00 AM

Sometimes, of course, a rhyme is so bad that it's brilliant!

"But in spite of his faults and ridiculous foibles
He still had a band of devoted disciples."

William Shakespeare's King Lear - as interpreted by Con 'Fada' O'Drisceoil.

Regards

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Acorn4
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 07:20 PM

I coudn't find this when this threaed was ciurrent about a week ago, but have unearted it - can anyone beat this piece of pure doggerel?

I think it's anonymous with good reason:-

LOVE ALONE

It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

I know King Edward was noble and great,
But it's love what caused him to abdicate
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

I know my mama she gonne grieve,
He said "I cannot help but I am bound to leave
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

And he got the money and he got the talk,
And the fancy walk just to suit New York
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

You can take my throne, you can take my crown,
But leave me Mrs Simpson to renown
It's love and love alone
That caused King Edward to leave the throne

Rest of verses without chorus lines:-

Come a reel come a roll upon my mind
I cannot leave Mrs Simpson behind

On the 10th of December you heard the talk
When he gave the throne to the Duke of York

Now he's the victim of circumstance
Now they live in the south of France

If you see Mrs Simpson across the street
You can guarantee she is a busy bee

Let the organ roll, ley the church bell ring
He said "Good luck" to our second bachelor King.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: cloudstreet
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 03:03 AM

Mary and me, we're a comfortable fit
The ocean here's runnin' with salmon.
Evenings, we take a long walk on the spit,
And Sundays, sometimes we go clammin'


From the otherwise excellent Fred Small.

Subject: RE: worst rhyme ever
From: Musket
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 03:19 AM

Number 6 said:

I cringe at the line ...

"Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherry."

What's wrong with that rhyme?

Now you might not like the line as a matter writing style, but it sounds like a perfect rhyme to me.

Dave Oesterreich

Yeah Dave BUT

It makes a better rhyme as follows;

"Down the road I walk with my sweet Mary,
Teeth all black and her legs all hairy"

Mind you, try that in a karaoke and they turn the microphone off. (Ingoldmells, Coral Club Summer 1995)