BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over

Subject: RE: BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Jul 05 - 10:58 AM

Could have one as Gnome secretary though

Subject: RE: BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 09:41 PM

Liz, I think that's cheating.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 09:34 PM

OK, you can say that - you don't have one for a Prime Minister!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 11:16 AM

I'm sorry to disabuse you but property developers, marketing men, accountants and other such evil, souless monstrosities took over long ago - and we let them! Garden gnomes would be infinitely preferable!!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 04:21 AM

100!!!!


Burahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM

As this thread gets to......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM

Just as soon......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM

They will you know....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: number 6
Date: 24 Jul 05 - 10:30 PM

They have taken over .... realized the mess that their acquisition is in ... they have now given it back. Apparently they now want nothing to do with it.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Jul 05 - 09:42 PM

He was buried the very next day, just a little south-east of Gnome - way up North!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 24 Jul 05 - 11:47 AM

With draft beer and a smile, Ned Pearsall raised a toast to his deceased neighbor, Henry Friddle, whose death greatly pleased him.

Henry had been killed by a garden gnome. He had fallen off the roof of his two-story house, onto that cheerful-looking figure. The gnome was made of concrete. Henry wasn't.

A broken neck, a cracked skull: Henry perished on impact.

This death-by-gnome had occurred four years previously. Ned Pearsall still toasted Henry's passing at least once a week.

-Dean Koontz

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 10:24 PM

Foolestroupe, if you'll give me your e-mail address, in this thread or by PM, I'll be glad to make and send you an MP3 of it. (Or anyone else, for that matter.)

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 09:58 PM

Dave - a tune please!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 09:40 PM

When I learned of the Garden Gnome Liberation Front a few years ago, I said to meself, "Self," says I, "you lived through the 60s, the era of the protest song. Surely you can create an anthem, a rallying cry for this public spirited, humanitarian (gnomitarian?) group!"

And so I did, and here it is:

CAN'T YOU STAND TO LET HIM GO?

All ye gentlemen and ladies
Won't you listen to my song?
It's about our little brothers
Who stand out upon the lawn
Garden Gnomes who stand and shiver in the cold
Pity Gnomes who stand and shiver in the cold.

CHORUS:
....He's the little man who drips there in the rain.
....He's the little man who shivers in the snow.
....He's the little man who swelters in the hot and broiling sun.
....Gents and Ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

Have ye got a heart of iron?
Have ye got a soul of stone?
Have ye not a shred of sympathy
For the Gnome who stands alone?
For the Gnome who herds flamingos 'cross your lawn
Poor old Gnome who herds flamingos 'cross your lawn.

CHORUS:
....He's the little man who drips there in the rain.
....He's the little man who shivers in the snow.
....He's the little man who swelters in the hot and broiling sun.
....Gents and Ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

Well, I call on your humanity,
I call upon your heart
To abolish this vile slavery
Of the little men of art.
Gnomes whose only sin is being made of stone!
They whose only sin is being made of stone!

LAST CHORUS
....He's the little man whose nose drips in the rain
....Turns to icicles, a-standin'in the snow.
....He's the little man who sweats a ton
....Standin' there in the noonday sun
....Gents and ladies, can't you let him go?

If that won't melt a few slaveholders' hearts, I'm flummoxed!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 11:24 AM

That would be Amos as the author and the tune would be 'The Band Played Waltzin' Matilda'

see Challenge! 96

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 08:08 AM

Amos

do you have an author & tune for that?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava Gnome
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 06:55 AM

Famous quotes:_

"Gnome man is an Island"

"Gnome is where the heart is"

"Gnome sweet gnome"

"Our house would not be a gnome without you"

"It is of little or gnome matter my friend"

Just a few to be going on with and now I.m goingnome!
BJ

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 02:59 AM

Well thanks.. that's the second keyboard we've had to replace this week!!! Still, the juice should dry out quickly and I can wipe the sticky off after a while.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 12:23 AM

The Band Used To Play In the Garden



Oh I heeded my hormones as a stony young gnome,,
And threw caution away to the duster
And I flaunted my shape, and my gnomish round stones
And had good times, I'm telling you, Buster!
I found sweet gnomesses plenty with delicate swerves
And always excited to show me some curve
And as soon as dark fell, we would work up some nerve
Playing tickle and squeak in the garden.

We weren't much for fishing, or playing at boules
Or those other ridiculous poses
You wouldn't find my kind perched up on toad stools
Or scratching their chins with their noses.
As garden gnomes go, we were not from the mold
We were lusty, and busty and foolish and bold
And we never lost interest, just because it got cold,
Sometimes being of stone's an advantage!

My crowd felt at home behind one ancient hall,
In the yard of a Sergeant named Andy
He was glad to support us, boobs, peckers and all
Said he liked art that made him feel randy!
So there we would gather, and there we would live
Just awaiting the freedom the darkness would give
Why the thought of it now makes me stand like a shiv,
Life was good in that liberal garden!

But Tony got randy once too often, it seems
And he wed, as the priests did desire
She was shapely and all, but shared none of our dreams --
She'd flesh, but she didna have fire.
And the next thing we know, she's a raising a stink!
With her voice like a starling and her face burning pink
Yelling that we should care what the neighbors all think!
Though we'd never been troubled before that.

So my sweet Greta Gravel got wrapped to her neck
In a tuutuu of fiberglass filler
And my manhood's been buried and made me a wreck
How on earth could I possibly thrill her?
And it's polka dot dresses and underwear too,
She made Tony paint us in dots white and blue
Till we felt so refined that we wanted to sue!
Oh, our lives are a proper disaster!

So now every day I stand still on the lawn
Wrapped tight in my plaster bikini.
And I stand there long after the daylight is gone
For I have no more use of my weenie!
And as for old Tony, that stupid young toff
She's gone cold on him, claiming headache or cough
When a bra's made of ice, well, you can't tear it off
Any more than you can if its plaster.

And the nighttime has lost all its magic!
And we stand there all frozen and stalled
And year after year
Our numbers are fewer --
Someday no gnome will stand here at all!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: skipy
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 06:06 PM

ain't you got no gnomes to go to,
time gentlemen please.
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 09:11 AM

Didn't Tom Paxton write that song about sexually attractive gnomes? You know -- The Gnome In The Game Is A Stud??

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: IvanB
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 08:59 AM

Donuel, I'd class that one more in the realm of gargoyles, with apologies to our own resident garg.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 19 Jul 05 - 10:35 AM

Leadsfingers, I stand corrected. I was operating on what I gleaned from FW's album, and he was never one for total accuracy.

See you in Siddy.

BTW, I must try to make it to your club fairly soon. Is it the Uxbridge one, or have I lorst me sense of direction again?

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Jul 05 - 10:22 AM

A Metro Gnome is a short denizen of gay Paris

They were also used to build the Paris underground...:-)

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome.
Date: 19 Jul 05 - 10:09 AM

Someone said there is a Millenium Gnome in London is that so?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Jul 05 - 09:50 AM

A Metro Gnome is a short denizen of gay Paris.
G..

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 08:59 PM

http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/bushm.jpg

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Severn
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 08:35 PM

More Songs:

Poor little Gnomie Wise

Rose Of Gnome Man's Land

You Don't Gnome Me

You'll Find Her Gnome Written There

No Face, No Gnome, No Gnome-ber


Question: Is a MetroGnome one who lives in the city? Or just one who can keep a beat?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 05:56 PM

Gnomebane is the active ingredient in the wonderproduct "Gnomeaway" (also marketed as "Gnomeless"). Gnomeaway will prevent gnomes of any sort from congregating in your yard, garden, or cemetery plot. Yes, you could grow gnomebane yourself, but in the natural state it contains far too little active ingredient (gnomeicillin putrificans) to be effective -- the active ingredient must be extracted, isolated, hormonified, and strengthened before it can be used effectively.

Gnomeaway is available at all hardware stores, ironmongers' shops, ships' chandleries, and Walmart. Ask for it by name: Gnomeaway.

And remember: Gnomeaway -- the better way!!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 05:42 PM

Believe it or not...my gnome was actually stolen about four years ago and I received photographs of him in different parts of the world. These included the Carribean, The Mediterranean, Israel, Jordan, Romania, Bulgaria, Austria, Australia, USA, Canada, Alaska and about six or so other places. He was returned eventually with a note saying how much the person who 'borrowed' him had enjoyed his company. My gnome is probably the best travelled one in the world. Anyone else had the same experience? I reckon it was students, perhaps different ones who took it in turns to take him places but not too sure what happened really.
BJ

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 04:24 PM

"Is yo names Miss Linda?"

"Gnome."

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: frogprince
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 02:54 PM

I'm going gnome, no more to wander,
I'm going gnome, no more to roam....

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 02:33 PM

Gnome matter what you say.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 10:01 AM

Enemies of the gnomes, be on your guard!
They have formed military units and are infiltrating planted sites in drab German BDUs, wearing green berets, and armed with sharp entrenchment tools.
A lieutenant and a PFC (OC) I recently trapped in my sitting room, near my wife's eucalyptus tree. I'm afraid the other ranks I held in my career will materialize soon.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:50 PM

Songs about gnomes:-
Gnome, gnome, can I forsake thee, dear, dear, dearly loved gnome.
Wherever I lay my hat, thats my gnome.
Gnome, gnome on the range, where the deer and the antelope play.
any more for any more?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:42 PM

Instructions apply only when not meditating. Disregard in OOOOOOM

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:40 PM

Directions apply to exterior use only. Disregard in home

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:25 PM

Gnome Gnome on the Range.

En garde d'un homme. Technical fencing term I just invented!

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GENOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Severn
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:21 PM

Does all this have any tie-ins to human genomic research?

Severn


"Don't you gnome ME! I'M your native son!"-Steve Goodman (now hard to find)

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 11:48 AM

But then...what about my Garden Gargoyles?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 11:35 AM

You really need those gnomes around, to herd the flamingoes and make sure they don't wander off the property!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 11:16 AM

I went fishing for walleye. Apparently, the gar din't no my bait wasn't meant for him.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:58 AM

The correct new website for him is
http://www.barriedavismusic.com/
where you will find links to CDbaby sites of his 3 CDs with sound samples.

For more Mind Gnoming material try


SONG CHALLENGE! Part 96

SONG CHALLENGE! Part 25

BS: The Metrognome

BS: Attack of the Gnomes

and of course

this

and a few more ....

there's only 1691 responses to a Mudcat search...

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:40 AM

The Gare de Nome in Paris [almost]
G..

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:38 AM

Hey - here it is!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:31 AM

The Gnome Song at http://www.barriedavis.com/coonawarra.htm

as posted by JennyO on 16 Jul 05 - 12:42 PM

is an entirely different song, and far less subtle... :-)

on a first listen

Both dusk and dawn I sit on the lawn,
for the whole of the livelong day
though at night I dance by day my stance
will never move or sway.
My cheeks are red, my cap is too,
my ears both black and my coat is blue.
when doggies crap I've a bird'seye view
I'm a Gnome - a Gnome!

I sit on my arse on the green green grass
beneath the cherry tree
though made of stone, it's very well known
my heart is full of glee
that is why I always smile
I only frown once in a while
when doggies piddle it's rather vile
for a Gnome - a Gnome!

it's only a partial clip of the song...

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:23 AM

Been working all day out in the garden - oh my aching back!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 09:34 AM

Well, my Noam Chompsky link was deleted. I won't get mad. I'll get even.

Use "Garden Gnome" in a sentence:

1. My brother is in the National Guard in Nome, Alaska.

2. Actress Teri Garr din't know me until we were properly introduced.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 06:58 AM

A West Country singer called Miles Wootton Don ?? Miles was and in fact still is ib Brighton . One of the best humouroys writers of the scene in the sixties ! And I'll see you at Sidders .

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 06:52 AM

Its started! They already control all the roads in and out of the Explosions in London thread.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 06:31 AM

Thanks Don - whenever you have the time is fine.

Hope you have a great time at Sidmouth!

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 05:54 AM

Seems about right, JennyO.

I'm having problems with recording onto my PC, but will try to get the tune into mpeg, and send to you.

You'll have to wait till after Sidmouth tho', so if I don't get back to you by 10th August, give me a good solid nudge.

Remembering about 200 songs doesn't leave much memory for ought else, so I tend to have a few Microsoft moments.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 05:35 AM

I think my early aversion to melodeons came from the garden gnome we had that was playing one. Mother made me paint it every year... one year I painted an Everton strip on it.. Father was furious - he was an Arsenal supporter!!

Here are some gnomes with a difference... Regrettably, they come from the same county I do.... which could explain a lot about why I tend to go for big bearded and be-gutted blokes.

Nurse, the screens!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 04:40 AM

Heh heh :-)

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 04:29 AM

Jenny I think I know what your gnomes are doing with those herbs!!
Giok ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 04:14 AM

So basically Don, the bits I didn't have are yours - is that right? Sounds like a lot of fun, anyway. I like the version you posted better. By the way, I don't know the tune. Can you help me with that? I'm sure my two little gnomes in the herb garden would like it. I treat them well too - honestly!

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Kaleea
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 01:09 AM

When I lived in the Twin Cities the wee folk were everywhere, but not the wee folk of my ancestors. They were wee folk who looked ScandehooeeuueeviannnNorsky, ya sure ya betcha! Unt dey vere ok durink de day, but ach ja, ven de moon voult come out--Uuf Da! Dey vere scary, ya. So, like any intelligent IrishChoctawCherokee&whoknowsAmerican gal, I simply got meself a Leprechaun & promised him that he could keep his pot o gold if he would just keep them thar ferign wee folk out of my space. And, when he wasn't too busy telling jokes about priests & golf & Irish whiskey, he kept the little buggars away, allright. Ach Ja!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 05:18 PM

Why is thread still here?

I'm waiting...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 03:26 PM

Hi JennyO,

2nd Chorus, 3rd verse, and 3rd chorus are mine.

The rest was "researched" (nicked) from a Fred Wedlock album and was attributed to West country songwriter Miles Wootton.

The version on the record seemed somewhat disjointed, so I took a bit of a liberty with it. Goes down well with audiences tho', and the kids at the school where I work love it.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 02:36 PM

Non
G

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 02:27 PM

Is this more "sequitur"?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 02:01 PM

Well sorta wanted something with Robin Cook in it, [Ginger gnome] and came up with the cartoon. The references are endless, Iwo Jima, UN blue helmets, and the EEC flag et, so couldn't resist it, I suppose in a way it's non verbal thread creep, but what the heck!
Giok ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 01:32 PM

John,

Warren Christopher? That's certainly a non-sequitur!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 01:07 PM

Well known Scottish Gnome Cartoon..... AKA Robin Cook.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:46 PM

Gnome, Leprechaun, or Klingon?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:42 PM

Well that's interesting, Don. I'm wondering now which parts of the song are yours. After reading this thread yesterday, I went looking for a song I've heard by an Australian singer, Bernard Bolan - called "The Gnome". There's an MP3 of part of it here but I couldn't find the words anywhere, although I may be able to get them later.

Meanwhile during my search, I found your song, or at least a similar version of it - and a less complete version too, it seems. However, the writer of the song was not mentioned. Before I had a chance to post it, the Mudcat went down. I ended up posting it on the Annexe a few hours ago (in the thread called "No Mudcat, so I went googling"). Here's the version I found.


THE GNOME SONG

I'm sittin' in the Garden in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, and Frog-spawn in me boot.
It's pissin' down with rain, - I've got water on the brain.
I'm sittin' by the pond like King Canute.

The kids have knocked me nose off - me beard is gettin' thin.
The way that they all treat me, well it really is a sin.
There's a Pigeon I can see - aimin' straight for me!
The Gardener strikes his matches on my shin.

Chorus:
Once upon a time I was a King upon a throne
Then a wicked fairy came and turned me into stone
And that is why I sit here in the Garden all alone
(spoken:) Not much fun being a Gnome.

I'm sittin' here a fishin' but the fishes never bite.
Anyway, it's been so long I've lost my appetite.
It really is a shame ... that pigeon's back again!
Has anybody got some dynamite?

There's a Doggie comes to see me every evening after tea.
I used to wonder why he was so very fond of me,
And when I found out why - it hit me in the eye:
I wish he'd go and find himself a tree.

Chorus2:
Me ear hole's full of cobwebs, and me doublet doesn't fit.
Sittin' on this toadstool - well I feels a proper twit.
The way that they all treat me - well it makes you want to spit
Not much fun being a Gnome.

First verse repeated (frogspawn in boot), repeat last line.


Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Sooz
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:18 PM

The Gnome (as sung by Derek Brimstone)

I'm sitting in my garden in a little Noddy suit
A sparrow on my fishing rod and frogspawn in my boot
Its pouring down with rain I've got water on the brain
But I sit here by the pond like King Canute


More later if I can remember it!

I have gnomes in my conservatory. I think they are frightened to go out in the garden.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:12 PM

Threads like this are no good for your Elf!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:01 PM

THE GARDEN GNOME.


Sittin' in the garden, in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, frogspawn in me boot,
It's piddlin' down with rain, I've got water on the brain,
As I sit here all alone like King Canute,
The kids have knocked me nose off, and me hair is getting' thin,
And the liberties they take with me, it really is a sin,
There's a pigeon I can see, and he's headin' straight for me,
While the gardener strikes his matches on me chin.

Many years ago, I was a king upon a throne,
Then I quarrelled with a fairy, and she turned me into stone,
Now I has to sit here, in the garden, all alone,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

Sittin' here just fishin', and the fishes never bite,
Anyway, it's been so long, I've lorst me appetite,
It really is a shame, here's that pigeon once again,
Hasn't anybody got some dynamite?
There's a dog that comes to see me, every evening, after tea,
Well, I could never understand his interest in me,
And then I found out why, when it hit me in the eye,
Have you ever been mistaken for a tree?

Many years ago, I was healthy, I was fit,
Then I got into this work, and went downhill a bit,
Now me paint is chippin', and me doublet is all split,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

The birds have pecked me beard away, to build their little nests,
And I can't seem to stop 'em, though I've tried me level best,
I could put up with that, and the white stuff on me hat,
But I never seem to get a moment's rest,
The human from the house comes out, and squirts me with a hose,
And the pollen from that woman's flowers, gets right up me nose,
With hay fever and a chill, I do feel rather ill, (achoo)
Still, mustn't grumble, I suppose.

Many years ago, I was dapper as you please,
As smart a little monarch as any mortal sees,
Now I sit here cringin', with one eye upon the trees,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

So I'll sit here in the darkness, in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, tadpoles in me boot,
It's still piddlin' down with rain, I've still got water on the brain,
As I sit here, all alone, like King Canute,
RULE BRITANNIA,
Sit here, just like bloody King Canute.

according with recognised folk process, this is a mixture of original Miles Wootton, and original Don T. I did try to separate using colour, but cut/paste threw it out.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 11:41 AM

Liberate a Gnome Today
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 11:17 AM

Oi! Joe! Clones! I wish to draw your attention to the premise of this despicable thread and delete it immediately.

What kind of racist freak utters the line just go outside and look into the eyes of your gnomes. THEY ARE EVIL. THEY WANT TO KILL YOU.

Who but a self centred human xenophobe would would urge people to get rid of them now, stand on them, burn them, smash them, ANYTHING, just get rid, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE

There are laws about people like you, pal. There are going to be more in the future preventing this sort of incitement to hatred of other races.

s6k, apologise now before I set my mate TonyB on you (Did you know he used to be a gnome btw? Just look at the grin...)

Cheers

Dave the Gnome
:D

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 10:46 AM

Dearest Ava Gnome may I respectfully correct you lyrics, it is not Westering Gnome but is in fact Festering Gnome, and it is a rotten song.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 02:04 AM

There's a new Porno Gardening Magazine out for them

Better Gnomes and Hardons.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 01:21 AM

How about Sleazy, Forgetful, Doper, Offkey, Tiny, Angry, and Bossy? They're from way up North, a little Southeast of Gnome.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: open mike
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:29 AM

gnomes? dwarves?
i got a birthdya card with the 7 dwarves at 50 years old:
touchy, baldy, gassy, baldy, cranky, squinty and drafty

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:13 AM

Oh it's Travelocity:
"I'm calling for backup. NO! Don't back up!" Reminds me of Micca.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: open mike
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 09:25 PM

isn't ther one who is empliyed by Orbit or Expedia(dot come)
who travels around with people?
propbably not a garden-variety gmome
because i think htey stay put more or less

http://www.csmonitor.com/2004/0130/p14s01-lihc.html

(www.whereismygnome.com),

oops the ad campaign was not successfull-i mis-remembered the
brand name..travelocity...

e (www.nigelthegnome.com)

(Garden Gnome Liberation Front). The French group has reportedly "liberated" more than 6,000 gnomes since 1997. Instead of sending photos, such gnomes typically turn up en masse: returning to forest life, congregating on church steps, and, once, hanging by their necks from a bridge.

http://dest.travelocity.com/Promotions/0,,TRAVELOCITY%7C1751%7Cmkt_main,00.html

On a similar note, I remember travelling with a group of
students and the teacher brought along a small stuffed toy.

she was instructed to take pictures of it and send them back
to the person who used to own the toy...it was set off to travel
around the world, and we were supposed to give it to someone
who was travelling far away so the critter could continue to
send pictures back home.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,Nobby Gnome
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 07:20 PM

Oi!!!!!!!!!!! I have feelings you know. You may think we sit round all day fishing for nothing in your crass ornamental ponds. But nothing could be further from the truth. We are recharging our batteries for the hours of dark, that's when we come in to our own.

Who do you think looks out for the fairies as they dance in the moon light on your manicured lawns? Us, that's who. Who do you think they fly to when they break a wing on one of your stupid windchime contraptions? Us, that's who. Could you repair a fairies wing, using only the finest spun spider web for thread? No, you couldn't.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 07:13 PM

Then I guess the thread must go on!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 06:58 PM

nope...you got the gnomenclature all wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 06:21 PM

Of course there was a lady who used to sing about gnomes...what was her name.....Sutherland....something Sutherland...was it Kathleen....
"Westering gnome and a song in the air. Light in the eye and it's goodbye to care............did I get it right?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 06:16 PM

Nobby Gnome 8.
Make puberty history.
G..

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: gnomad
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 01:05 PM

possible solution

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:57 PM

looks like they are good workers, to me

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:55 PM

perhaps it is fate trying to teach you to recognize the buddha in the kids?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:54 PM

Well, Rapaire, if you really want to shoot gnomes just go to http://www.jardinains.com/, download the game. You can shoot 'em, bounce 'em, and send 'em flying off into outer space for hours. I guess "jardin nains" is French for "garden gnomes".

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:52 PM

frogprince, pretending to be Art Theime:

Like I've always said, there's no plague like gnomes....

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Janie
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:44 PM

I only have one in my garden. His name is Wayne---I knew I didn't much like him but didn't know why. Had to keep him 'cuz a family member gave him to me---but he is waaayyyy in the backyard, his view completely obscured by daylilies. The only thing he ever sees is my husband and son playing lacrosse or soccer....do you think I need to be concerned? Do I now have an excuse to get rid of him?

If so, can you also find an excuse for me to get rid of a resin solar lighthouse and a cutsie-pootsie resin statue of a couple of kids--both of them also from well meaning family members?

I put the "kids" statue in the exact place from which I had two nice buddhas stolen in rapid succession---can't even get some one to steal the damn thing! My sister calls it the anti-buddha statue. Maybe those kids are somehow in cahoots with the gnome. Eh?

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:37 PM

I haven't seen any West of the Platte River. They look kinda like hippies -- kin we shoot 'em?

Rap, you obviously haven't heard the old standard Gnome on the Range or you'd know they have a long and dignified history. Some may not have been called the same thing, such as the Cherokee Little People, who moved west with the tribe during the Trail of Tears.

The Cherokee little people I've heard about from Indian friends have been the scarier and malicious ones.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,Gnome Ad
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:32 PM

Us wandering gnomes just want to stay in a new place for a week or two and then move on, leaving piles of old newspapers, stripped refrigerators and burning tyres - much better than the GGLF, who just sit there looking blank!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:04 PM

Someone needs to get a grip of this thread.........thats what I say....

Spot

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,Iava Gnome
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:51 AM

Buy one! Then if you are made homeless you will always have a gnome to go to!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:48 AM

Keep your hands off my gnomes if you know what is good for you. We will hound you to hell if you try anything stupid like the above.

Death to the GGLF!   They are nothing but a bunch of inbred halfwits that are perpetuating lies and misinformation.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:45 AM

I haven't seen any West of the Platte River. They look kinda like hippies -- kin we shoot 'em?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,Grumpy
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:38 AM

As part of the worldwide support of the International Association for the Protection of Gnomes, a day was set aside by the Garden Gnome Liberation Front (GGLF) to recognise and celebrate the liberation of garden ornaments.

In a show of solidarity, the GGLF - which was assumed to be dormant after a northern French court handed down a suspended prison sentence and fine to a GGLF ringleader in 1997 - organised a mass liberation of gnomes on 9 April 2000 during a daring night-time raid of a Paris exhibition. It was reported on CNN TV news broadcasts by 13 April of the same year.

Other GGLF chapters have come out in support of the event by posting horrific pictures of gnomes held in captivity and to protest for the release of all gnomes back to their own gardens.

The amount of suffering that the wretched creatures have had to endure led to the mass suicides of 1998 (eleven were found hanging from a bridge outside Lyon) have thankfully abated, but the good fight goes on.

Since this time, the Front de Libération des Nains de Jardin has relocated some 6000 gnomes to the forests, and cells have appeared across Europe, in America, and in Australia. The last-recorded activity in Australia involved 150 garden gnomes depositing themselves on the steps of the Central Bank in Sydney.

April is most certainly the busiest time for gnome relocation. Reports suggesting that police in the Northern Territory netted a cache of stolen gnomes during a drug raid around 1 April 1998, and to a gang that liberated 100 gnomes from a private garden in the Netherlands around 3 April of the same year - all point to a desire to celebrate on or near this chosen day.

The next phase of the GGLF's action plan is to fight for true integration of the garden gnome community into society, and representations are being made to the United Nations Economic and Social Council and the International Court of Justice in the form of petitions and awareness-raising events. The GGLF is committed to enhancing the partnership between gnomes and humans, and to promote higher standards of living, full employment, and conditions of economic and social progress and development.

If you are a gnome in need of refuge from harassment and bullying, try the European Gnome Sanctuary for persecuted gnomes

While this thread may pretend to be funny, the sad truth is that gnomes are a persecuted minority, and these humourous and paternalistic comments merely exacerbate the situation.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:21 AM

They are not that popular in the U.S., but I have been introducing them in my neck of the woods. Together we will take over the northeast.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:14 AM

I love the British Airlines gnome. Could he be any worse at being president the current Neanderthal?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:05 AM

have you seen our Prime Minister, John Howard?? down here, the garden gnome HAS taken over!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Leadfingers
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:00 AM

Hey Giok - Any one would think you had forgotten our days working together as models in the Gnome Factory

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 10:41 AM

So s6k, you've met Leadfingers; frightening isn't it? To think a banjo player may one day rule the world!!!!!!!
Giok ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 10:40 AM

Search past thread for news and songs re: Gnome Liberation

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 10:40 AM

Ah. Reminds me I haven't watched Amelie in a while.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: ranger1
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 10:38 AM

Thank god I don't have any! I always thought they were a shifty-looking lot!

Subject: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: s6k
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 10:31 AM

you think theyre cute, funny, good decoration. and that they not human, and have been created in a factory

BOLLOCKS!

thats what they wanted you to believe, they are real, and they take the form of a finely crafted ornament for the garden. then you acquire some, and all they do, is they will sit around in the garden all day, pretending to be fishing and what not, but really, they are gathering intelligence.

The Gnome alliance now has information on almost every home in the world, and they are planning a strike.

Dont say you werent warned. when the gnomes try to take over what they believe to be theirs.

just go outside and look into the eyes of your gnomes. THEY ARE EVIL. THEY WANT TO KILL YOU. THEY DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR GARDEN.

get rid of them now, stand on them, burn them, smash them, ANYTHING, just get rid, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE