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BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over

Georgiansilver 26 Jul 05 - 10:58 AM
Uncle_DaveO 25 Jul 05 - 09:41 PM
The Fooles Troupe 25 Jul 05 - 09:34 PM
GUEST 25 Jul 05 - 11:16 AM
Liz the Squeak 25 Jul 05 - 04:21 AM
Liz the Squeak 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM
Liz the Squeak 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM
Liz the Squeak 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM
number 6 24 Jul 05 - 10:30 PM
The Fooles Troupe 24 Jul 05 - 09:42 PM
John Hardly 24 Jul 05 - 11:47 AM
Uncle_DaveO 21 Jul 05 - 10:24 PM
The Fooles Troupe 21 Jul 05 - 09:58 PM
Uncle_DaveO 21 Jul 05 - 09:40 PM
GUEST,MMario 21 Jul 05 - 11:24 AM
The Fooles Troupe 21 Jul 05 - 08:08 AM
GUEST,I ava Gnome 21 Jul 05 - 06:55 AM
Liz the Squeak 21 Jul 05 - 02:59 AM
Amos 21 Jul 05 - 12:23 AM
skipy 20 Jul 05 - 06:06 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 05 - 09:11 AM
IvanB 20 Jul 05 - 08:59 AM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 19 Jul 05 - 10:35 AM
Dave the Gnome 19 Jul 05 - 10:22 AM
GUEST,I ava gnome. 19 Jul 05 - 10:09 AM
John MacKenzie 19 Jul 05 - 09:50 AM
Donuel 18 Jul 05 - 08:59 PM
Severn 18 Jul 05 - 08:35 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 05 - 05:56 PM
GUEST,I ava gnome 18 Jul 05 - 05:42 PM
John Hardly 18 Jul 05 - 04:24 PM
frogprince 18 Jul 05 - 02:54 PM
John MacKenzie 18 Jul 05 - 02:33 PM
Wilfried Schaum 18 Jul 05 - 10:01 AM
GUEST,I ava gnome 17 Jul 05 - 12:50 PM
John Hardly 17 Jul 05 - 12:42 PM
John Hardly 17 Jul 05 - 12:40 PM
John MacKenzie 17 Jul 05 - 12:25 PM
Severn 17 Jul 05 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 17 Jul 05 - 11:48 AM
Uncle_DaveO 17 Jul 05 - 11:35 AM
John Hardly 17 Jul 05 - 11:16 AM
The Fooles Troupe 17 Jul 05 - 10:58 AM
John MacKenzie 17 Jul 05 - 10:40 AM
The Fooles Troupe 17 Jul 05 - 10:38 AM
The Fooles Troupe 17 Jul 05 - 10:31 AM
JennyO 17 Jul 05 - 10:23 AM
John Hardly 17 Jul 05 - 09:34 AM
Leadfingers 17 Jul 05 - 06:58 AM
Big Al Whittle 17 Jul 05 - 06:52 AM

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Subject: RE: BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 Jul 05 - 10:58 AM

Could have one as Gnome secretary though


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Subject: RE: BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 09:41 PM

Liz, I think that's cheating.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 09:34 PM

OK, you can say that - you don't have one for a Prime Minister!


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 11:16 AM

I'm sorry to disabuse you but property developers, marketing men, accountants and other such evil, souless monstrosities took over long ago - and we let them! Garden gnomes would be infinitely preferable!!


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 04:21 AM

100!!!!


Burahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa


LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM

As this thread gets to......

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM

Just as soon......

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 05 - 04:20 AM

They will you know....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: number 6
Date: 24 Jul 05 - 10:30 PM

They have taken over .... realized the mess that their acquisition is in ... they have now given it back. Apparently they now want nothing to do with it.

sIx


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Jul 05 - 09:42 PM

He was buried the very next day, just a little south-east of Gnome - way up North!


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 24 Jul 05 - 11:47 AM

With draft beer and a smile, Ned Pearsall raised a toast to his deceased neighbor, Henry Friddle, whose death greatly pleased him.

Henry had been killed by a garden gnome. He had fallen off the roof of his two-story house, onto that cheerful-looking figure. The gnome was made of concrete. Henry wasn't.

A broken neck, a cracked skull: Henry perished on impact.

This death-by-gnome had occurred four years previously. Ned Pearsall still toasted Henry's passing at least once a week.

-Dean Koontz


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 10:24 PM

Foolestroupe, if you'll give me your e-mail address, in this thread or by PM, I'll be glad to make and send you an MP3 of it. (Or anyone else, for that matter.)

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 09:58 PM

Dave - a tune please!


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 09:40 PM

When I learned of the Garden Gnome Liberation Front a few years ago, I said to meself, "Self," says I, "you lived through the 60s, the era of the protest song. Surely you can create an anthem, a rallying cry for this public spirited, humanitarian (gnomitarian?) group!"

And so I did, and here it is:

CAN'T YOU STAND TO LET HIM GO?

All ye gentlemen and ladies
Won't you listen to my song?
It's about our little brothers
Who stand out upon the lawn
Garden Gnomes who stand and shiver in the cold
Pity Gnomes who stand and shiver in the cold.

CHORUS:
....He's the little man who drips there in the rain.
....He's the little man who shivers in the snow.
....He's the little man who swelters in the hot and broiling sun.
....Gents and Ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

Have ye got a heart of iron?
Have ye got a soul of stone?
Have ye not a shred of sympathy
For the Gnome who stands alone?
For the Gnome who herds flamingos 'cross your lawn
Poor old Gnome who herds flamingos 'cross your lawn.

CHORUS:
....He's the little man who drips there in the rain.
....He's the little man who shivers in the snow.
....He's the little man who swelters in the hot and broiling sun.
....Gents and Ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

Well, I call on your humanity,
I call upon your heart
To abolish this vile slavery
Of the little men of art.
Gnomes whose only sin is being made of stone!
They whose only sin is being made of stone!

LAST CHORUS
....He's the little man whose nose drips in the rain
....Turns to icicles, a-standin'in the snow.
....He's the little man who sweats a ton
....Standin' there in the noonday sun
....Gents and ladies, can't you let him go?

If that won't melt a few slaveholders' hearts, I'm flummoxed!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 11:24 AM

That would be Amos as the author and the tune would be 'The Band Played Waltzin' Matilda'

see Challenge! 96


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 08:08 AM

Amos

do you have an author & tune for that?


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava Gnome
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 06:55 AM

Famous quotes:_

"Gnome man is an Island"

"Gnome is where the heart is"

"Gnome sweet gnome"

"Our house would not be a gnome without you"

"It is of little or gnome matter my friend"

Just a few to be going on with and now I.m goingnome!
BJ


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 02:59 AM

Well thanks.. that's the second keyboard we've had to replace this week!!! Still, the juice should dry out quickly and I can wipe the sticky off after a while.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 05 - 12:23 AM

The Band Used To Play In the Garden



Oh I heeded my hormones as a stony young gnome,,
And threw caution away to the duster
And I flaunted my shape, and my gnomish round stones
And had good times, I'm telling you, Buster!
I found sweet gnomesses plenty with delicate swerves
And always excited to show me some curve
And as soon as dark fell, we would work up some nerve
Playing tickle and squeak in the garden.

We weren't much for fishing, or playing at boules
Or those other ridiculous poses
You wouldn't find my kind perched up on toad stools
Or scratching their chins with their noses.
As garden gnomes go, we were not from the mold
We were lusty, and busty and foolish and bold
And we never lost interest, just because it got cold,
Sometimes being of stone's an advantage!

My crowd felt at home behind one ancient hall,
In the yard of a Sergeant named Andy
He was glad to support us, boobs, peckers and all
Said he liked art that made him feel randy!
So there we would gather, and there we would live
Just awaiting the freedom the darkness would give
Why the thought of it now makes me stand like a shiv,
Life was good in that liberal garden!

But Tony got randy once too often, it seems
And he wed, as the priests did desire
She was shapely and all, but shared none of our dreams --
She'd flesh, but she didna have fire.
And the next thing we know, she's a raising a stink!
With her voice like a starling and her face burning pink
Yelling that we should care what the neighbors all think!
Though we'd never been troubled before that.

So my sweet Greta Gravel got wrapped to her neck
In a tuutuu of fiberglass filler
And my manhood's been buried and made me a wreck
How on earth could I possibly thrill her?
And it's polka dot dresses and underwear too,
She made Tony paint us in dots white and blue
Till we felt so refined that we wanted to sue!
Oh, our lives are a proper disaster!

So now every day I stand still on the lawn
Wrapped tight in my plaster bikini.
And I stand there long after the daylight is gone
For I have no more use of my weenie!
And as for old Tony, that stupid young toff
She's gone cold on him, claiming headache or cough
When a bra's made of ice, well, you can't tear it off
Any more than you can if its plaster.

And the nighttime has lost all its magic!
And we stand there all frozen and stalled
And year after year
Our numbers are fewer --
Someday no gnome will stand here at all!


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: skipy
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 06:06 PM

ain't you got no gnomes to go to,
time gentlemen please.
Skipy


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 09:11 AM

Didn't Tom Paxton write that song about sexually attractive gnomes? You know -- The Gnome In The Game Is A Stud??


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: IvanB
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 08:59 AM

Donuel, I'd class that one more in the realm of gargoyles, with apologies to our own resident garg.


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 19 Jul 05 - 10:35 AM

Leadsfingers, I stand corrected. I was operating on what I gleaned from FW's album, and he was never one for total accuracy.

See you in Siddy.

BTW, I must try to make it to your club fairly soon. Is it the Uxbridge one, or have I lorst me sense of direction again?

Don T.


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Jul 05 - 10:22 AM

A Metro Gnome is a short denizen of gay Paris

They were also used to build the Paris underground...:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome.
Date: 19 Jul 05 - 10:09 AM

Someone said there is a Millenium Gnome in London is that so?


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Jul 05 - 09:50 AM

A Metro Gnome is a short denizen of gay Paris.
G..


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 08:59 PM

http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/bushm.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Severn
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 08:35 PM

More Songs:

Poor little Gnomie Wise

Rose Of Gnome Man's Land

You Don't Gnome Me

You'll Find Her Gnome Written There

No Face, No Gnome, No Gnome-ber


Question: Is a MetroGnome one who lives in the city? Or just one who can keep a beat?


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 05:56 PM

Gnomebane is the active ingredient in the wonderproduct "Gnomeaway" (also marketed as "Gnomeless"). Gnomeaway will prevent gnomes of any sort from congregating in your yard, garden, or cemetery plot. Yes, you could grow gnomebane yourself, but in the natural state it contains far too little active ingredient (gnomeicillin putrificans) to be effective -- the active ingredient must be extracted, isolated, hormonified, and strengthened before it can be used effectively.

Gnomeaway is available at all hardware stores, ironmongers' shops, ships' chandleries, and Walmart. Ask for it by name: Gnomeaway.

And remember: Gnomeaway -- the better way!!


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 05:42 PM

Believe it or not...my gnome was actually stolen about four years ago and I received photographs of him in different parts of the world. These included the Carribean, The Mediterranean, Israel, Jordan, Romania, Bulgaria, Austria, Australia, USA, Canada, Alaska and about six or so other places. He was returned eventually with a note saying how much the person who 'borrowed' him had enjoyed his company. My gnome is probably the best travelled one in the world. Anyone else had the same experience? I reckon it was students, perhaps different ones who took it in turns to take him places but not too sure what happened really.
BJ


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 04:24 PM

"Is yo names Miss Linda?"

"Gnome."


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: frogprince
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 02:54 PM

I'm going gnome, no more to wander,
I'm going gnome, no more to roam....


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 02:33 PM

Gnome matter what you say.


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 18 Jul 05 - 10:01 AM

Enemies of the gnomes, be on your guard!
They have formed military units and are infiltrating planted sites in drab German BDUs, wearing green berets, and armed with sharp entrenchment tools.
A lieutenant and a PFC (OC) I recently trapped in my sitting room, near my wife's eucalyptus tree. I'm afraid the other ranks I held in my career will materialize soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:50 PM

Songs about gnomes:-
Gnome, gnome, can I forsake thee, dear, dear, dearly loved gnome.
Wherever I lay my hat, thats my gnome.
Gnome, gnome on the range, where the deer and the antelope play.
any more for any more?


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:42 PM

Instructions apply only when not meditating. Disregard in OOOOOOM


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:40 PM

Directions apply to exterior use only. Disregard in home


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:25 PM

Gnome Gnome on the Range.

En garde d'un homme. Technical fencing term I just invented!

Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GENOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Severn
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 12:21 PM

Does all this have any tie-ins to human genomic research?

Severn


"Don't you gnome ME! I'M your native son!"-Steve Goodman (now hard to find)


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 11:48 AM

But then...what about my Garden Gargoyles?


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 11:35 AM

You really need those gnomes around, to herd the flamingoes and make sure they don't wander off the property!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 11:16 AM

I went fishing for walleye. Apparently, the gar din't no my bait wasn't meant for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:58 AM

The correct new website for him is
http://www.barriedavismusic.com/
where you will find links to CDbaby sites of his 3 CDs with sound samples.

For more Mind Gnoming material try


SONG CHALLENGE! Part 96

SONG CHALLENGE! Part 25

BS: The Metrognome

BS: Attack of the Gnomes

and of course

this

and a few more ....

there's only 1691 responses to a Mudcat search...


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:40 AM

The Gare de Nome in Paris [almost]
G..


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:38 AM

Hey - here it is!


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:31 AM

The Gnome Song at http://www.barriedavis.com/coonawarra.htm

as posted by JennyO on 16 Jul 05 - 12:42 PM

is an entirely different song, and far less subtle... :-)

on a first listen

Both dusk and dawn I sit on the lawn,
for the whole of the livelong day
though at night I dance by day my stance
will never move or sway.
My cheeks are red, my cap is too,
my ears both black and my coat is blue.
when doggies crap I've a bird'seye view
I'm a Gnome - a Gnome!

I sit on my arse on the green green grass
beneath the cherry tree
though made of stone, it's very well known
my heart is full of glee
that is why I always smile
I only frown once in a while
when doggies piddle it's rather vile
for a Gnome - a Gnome!

it's only a partial clip of the song...


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 10:23 AM

Been working all day out in the garden - oh my aching back!


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 09:34 AM

Well, my Noam Chompsky link was deleted. I won't get mad. I'll get even.

Use "Garden Gnome" in a sentence:

1. My brother is in the National Guard in Nome, Alaska.

2. Actress Teri Garr din't know me until we were properly introduced.


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 06:58 AM

A West Country singer called Miles Wootton Don ?? Miles was and in fact still is ib Brighton . One of the best humouroys writers of the scene in the sixties ! And I'll see you at Sidders .


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Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 06:52 AM

Its started! They already control all the roads in and out of the Explosions in London thread.


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