BS: Garden Gnomes Will Take Over

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 06:31 AM

Thanks Don - whenever you have the time is fine.

Hope you have a great time at Sidmouth!

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 05:54 AM

Seems about right, JennyO.

I'm having problems with recording onto my PC, but will try to get the tune into mpeg, and send to you.

You'll have to wait till after Sidmouth tho', so if I don't get back to you by 10th August, give me a good solid nudge.

Remembering about 200 songs doesn't leave much memory for ought else, so I tend to have a few Microsoft moments.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 05:35 AM

I think my early aversion to melodeons came from the garden gnome we had that was playing one. Mother made me paint it every year... one year I painted an Everton strip on it.. Father was furious - he was an Arsenal supporter!!

Here are some gnomes with a difference... Regrettably, they come from the same county I do.... which could explain a lot about why I tend to go for big bearded and be-gutted blokes.

Nurse, the screens!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 04:40 AM

Heh heh :-)

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 04:29 AM

Jenny I think I know what your gnomes are doing with those herbs!!
Giok ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 04:14 AM

So basically Don, the bits I didn't have are yours - is that right? Sounds like a lot of fun, anyway. I like the version you posted better. By the way, I don't know the tune. Can you help me with that? I'm sure my two little gnomes in the herb garden would like it. I treat them well too - honestly!

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Kaleea
Date: 17 Jul 05 - 01:09 AM

When I lived in the Twin Cities the wee folk were everywhere, but not the wee folk of my ancestors. They were wee folk who looked ScandehooeeuueeviannnNorsky, ya sure ya betcha! Unt dey vere ok durink de day, but ach ja, ven de moon voult come out--Uuf Da! Dey vere scary, ya. So, like any intelligent IrishChoctawCherokee&whoknowsAmerican gal, I simply got meself a Leprechaun & promised him that he could keep his pot o gold if he would just keep them thar ferign wee folk out of my space. And, when he wasn't too busy telling jokes about priests & golf & Irish whiskey, he kept the little buggars away, allright. Ach Ja!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 05:18 PM

Why is thread still here?

I'm waiting...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 03:26 PM

Hi JennyO,

2nd Chorus, 3rd verse, and 3rd chorus are mine.

The rest was "researched" (nicked) from a Fred Wedlock album and was attributed to West country songwriter Miles Wootton.

The version on the record seemed somewhat disjointed, so I took a bit of a liberty with it. Goes down well with audiences tho', and the kids at the school where I work love it.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 02:36 PM

Non
G

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 02:27 PM

Is this more "sequitur"?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 02:01 PM

Well sorta wanted something with Robin Cook in it, [Ginger gnome] and came up with the cartoon. The references are endless, Iwo Jima, UN blue helmets, and the EEC flag et, so couldn't resist it, I suppose in a way it's non verbal thread creep, but what the heck!
Giok ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 01:32 PM

John,

Warren Christopher? That's certainly a non-sequitur!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 01:07 PM

Well known Scottish Gnome Cartoon..... AKA Robin Cook.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John Hardly
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:46 PM

Gnome, Leprechaun, or Klingon?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:42 PM

Well that's interesting, Don. I'm wondering now which parts of the song are yours. After reading this thread yesterday, I went looking for a song I've heard by an Australian singer, Bernard Bolan - called "The Gnome". There's an MP3 of part of it here but I couldn't find the words anywhere, although I may be able to get them later.

Meanwhile during my search, I found your song, or at least a similar version of it - and a less complete version too, it seems. However, the writer of the song was not mentioned. Before I had a chance to post it, the Mudcat went down. I ended up posting it on the Annexe a few hours ago (in the thread called "No Mudcat, so I went googling"). Here's the version I found.


THE GNOME SONG

I'm sittin' in the Garden in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, and Frog-spawn in me boot.
It's pissin' down with rain, - I've got water on the brain.
I'm sittin' by the pond like King Canute.

The kids have knocked me nose off - me beard is gettin' thin.
The way that they all treat me, well it really is a sin.
There's a Pigeon I can see - aimin' straight for me!
The Gardener strikes his matches on my shin.

Chorus:
Once upon a time I was a King upon a throne
Then a wicked fairy came and turned me into stone
And that is why I sit here in the Garden all alone
(spoken:) Not much fun being a Gnome.

I'm sittin' here a fishin' but the fishes never bite.
Anyway, it's been so long I've lost my appetite.
It really is a shame ... that pigeon's back again!
Has anybody got some dynamite?

There's a Doggie comes to see me every evening after tea.
I used to wonder why he was so very fond of me,
And when I found out why - it hit me in the eye:
I wish he'd go and find himself a tree.

Chorus2:
Me ear hole's full of cobwebs, and me doublet doesn't fit.
Sittin' on this toadstool - well I feels a proper twit.
The way that they all treat me - well it makes you want to spit
Not much fun being a Gnome.

First verse repeated (frogspawn in boot), repeat last line.


Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Sooz
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:18 PM

The Gnome (as sung by Derek Brimstone)

I'm sitting in my garden in a little Noddy suit
A sparrow on my fishing rod and frogspawn in my boot
Its pouring down with rain I've got water on the brain
But I sit here by the pond like King Canute


More later if I can remember it!

I have gnomes in my conservatory. I think they are frightened to go out in the garden.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:12 PM

Threads like this are no good for your Elf!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:01 PM

THE GARDEN GNOME.


Sittin' in the garden, in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, frogspawn in me boot,
It's piddlin' down with rain, I've got water on the brain,
As I sit here all alone like King Canute,
The kids have knocked me nose off, and me hair is getting' thin,
And the liberties they take with me, it really is a sin,
There's a pigeon I can see, and he's headin' straight for me,
While the gardener strikes his matches on me chin.

Many years ago, I was a king upon a throne,
Then I quarrelled with a fairy, and she turned me into stone,
Now I has to sit here, in the garden, all alone,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

Sittin' here just fishin', and the fishes never bite,
Anyway, it's been so long, I've lorst me appetite,
It really is a shame, here's that pigeon once again,
Hasn't anybody got some dynamite?
There's a dog that comes to see me, every evening, after tea,
Well, I could never understand his interest in me,
And then I found out why, when it hit me in the eye,
Have you ever been mistaken for a tree?

Many years ago, I was healthy, I was fit,
Then I got into this work, and went downhill a bit,
Now me paint is chippin', and me doublet is all split,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

The birds have pecked me beard away, to build their little nests,
And I can't seem to stop 'em, though I've tried me level best,
I could put up with that, and the white stuff on me hat,
But I never seem to get a moment's rest,
The human from the house comes out, and squirts me with a hose,
And the pollen from that woman's flowers, gets right up me nose,
With hay fever and a chill, I do feel rather ill, (achoo)
Still, mustn't grumble, I suppose.

Many years ago, I was dapper as you please,
As smart a little monarch as any mortal sees,
Now I sit here cringin', with one eye upon the trees,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

So I'll sit here in the darkness, in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, tadpoles in me boot,
It's still piddlin' down with rain, I've still got water on the brain,
As I sit here, all alone, like King Canute,
RULE BRITANNIA,
Sit here, just like bloody King Canute.

according with recognised folk process, this is a mixture of original Miles Wootton, and original Don T. I did try to separate using colour, but cut/paste threw it out.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 11:41 AM

Liberate a Gnome Today
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 11:17 AM

Oi! Joe! Clones! I wish to draw your attention to the premise of this despicable thread and delete it immediately.

What kind of racist freak utters the line just go outside and look into the eyes of your gnomes. THEY ARE EVIL. THEY WANT TO KILL YOU.

Who but a self centred human xenophobe would would urge people to get rid of them now, stand on them, burn them, smash them, ANYTHING, just get rid, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE

There are laws about people like you, pal. There are going to be more in the future preventing this sort of incitement to hatred of other races.

s6k, apologise now before I set my mate TonyB on you (Did you know he used to be a gnome btw? Just look at the grin...)

Cheers

Dave the Gnome
:D

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 10:46 AM

Dearest Ava Gnome may I respectfully correct you lyrics, it is not Westering Gnome but is in fact Festering Gnome, and it is a rotten song.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 02:04 AM

There's a new Porno Gardening Magazine out for them

Better Gnomes and Hardons.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 01:21 AM

How about Sleazy, Forgetful, Doper, Offkey, Tiny, Angry, and Bossy? They're from way up North, a little Southeast of Gnome.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: open mike
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:29 AM

gnomes? dwarves?
i got a birthdya card with the 7 dwarves at 50 years old:
touchy, baldy, gassy, baldy, cranky, squinty and drafty

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Jul 05 - 12:13 AM

Oh it's Travelocity:
"I'm calling for backup. NO! Don't back up!" Reminds me of Micca.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: open mike
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 09:25 PM

isn't ther one who is empliyed by Orbit or Expedia(dot come)
who travels around with people?
propbably not a garden-variety gmome
because i think htey stay put more or less

http://www.csmonitor.com/2004/0130/p14s01-lihc.html

(www.whereismygnome.com),

oops the ad campaign was not successfull-i mis-remembered the
brand name..travelocity...

e (www.nigelthegnome.com)

(Garden Gnome Liberation Front). The French group has reportedly "liberated" more than 6,000 gnomes since 1997. Instead of sending photos, such gnomes typically turn up en masse: returning to forest life, congregating on church steps, and, once, hanging by their necks from a bridge.

http://dest.travelocity.com/Promotions/0,,TRAVELOCITY%7C1751%7Cmkt_main,00.html

On a similar note, I remember travelling with a group of
students and the teacher brought along a small stuffed toy.

she was instructed to take pictures of it and send them back
to the person who used to own the toy...it was set off to travel
around the world, and we were supposed to give it to someone
who was travelling far away so the critter could continue to
send pictures back home.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,Nobby Gnome
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 07:20 PM

Oi!!!!!!!!!!! I have feelings you know. You may think we sit round all day fishing for nothing in your crass ornamental ponds. But nothing could be further from the truth. We are recharging our batteries for the hours of dark, that's when we come in to our own.

Who do you think looks out for the fairies as they dance in the moon light on your manicured lawns? Us, that's who. Who do you think they fly to when they break a wing on one of your stupid windchime contraptions? Us, that's who. Could you repair a fairies wing, using only the finest spun spider web for thread? No, you couldn't.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 07:13 PM

Then I guess the thread must go on!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 06:58 PM

nope...you got the gnomenclature all wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,I ava gnome
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 06:21 PM

Of course there was a lady who used to sing about gnomes...what was her name.....Sutherland....something Sutherland...was it Kathleen....
"Westering gnome and a song in the air. Light in the eye and it's goodbye to care............did I get it right?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 06:16 PM

Nobby Gnome 8.
Make puberty history.
G..

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: gnomad
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 01:05 PM

possible solution

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:57 PM

looks like they are good workers, to me

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:55 PM

perhaps it is fate trying to teach you to recognize the buddha in the kids?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:54 PM

Well, Rapaire, if you really want to shoot gnomes just go to http://www.jardinains.com/, download the game. You can shoot 'em, bounce 'em, and send 'em flying off into outer space for hours. I guess "jardin nains" is French for "garden gnomes".

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:52 PM

frogprince, pretending to be Art Theime:

Like I've always said, there's no plague like gnomes....

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Janie
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:44 PM

I only have one in my garden. His name is Wayne---I knew I didn't much like him but didn't know why. Had to keep him 'cuz a family member gave him to me---but he is waaayyyy in the backyard, his view completely obscured by daylilies. The only thing he ever sees is my husband and son playing lacrosse or soccer....do you think I need to be concerned? Do I now have an excuse to get rid of him?

If so, can you also find an excuse for me to get rid of a resin solar lighthouse and a cutsie-pootsie resin statue of a couple of kids--both of them also from well meaning family members?

I put the "kids" statue in the exact place from which I had two nice buddhas stolen in rapid succession---can't even get some one to steal the damn thing! My sister calls it the anti-buddha statue. Maybe those kids are somehow in cahoots with the gnome. Eh?

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:37 PM

I haven't seen any West of the Platte River. They look kinda like hippies -- kin we shoot 'em?

Rap, you obviously haven't heard the old standard Gnome on the Range or you'd know they have a long and dignified history. Some may not have been called the same thing, such as the Cherokee Little People, who moved west with the tribe during the Trail of Tears.

The Cherokee little people I've heard about from Indian friends have been the scarier and malicious ones.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,Gnome Ad
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:32 PM

Us wandering gnomes just want to stay in a new place for a week or two and then move on, leaving piles of old newspapers, stripped refrigerators and burning tyres - much better than the GGLF, who just sit there looking blank!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 12:04 PM

Someone needs to get a grip of this thread.........thats what I say....

Spot

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,Iava Gnome
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:51 AM

Buy one! Then if you are made homeless you will always have a gnome to go to!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:48 AM

Keep your hands off my gnomes if you know what is good for you. We will hound you to hell if you try anything stupid like the above.

Death to the GGLF!   They are nothing but a bunch of inbred halfwits that are perpetuating lies and misinformation.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:45 AM

I haven't seen any West of the Platte River. They look kinda like hippies -- kin we shoot 'em?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: GUEST,Grumpy
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:38 AM

As part of the worldwide support of the International Association for the Protection of Gnomes, a day was set aside by the Garden Gnome Liberation Front (GGLF) to recognise and celebrate the liberation of garden ornaments.

In a show of solidarity, the GGLF - which was assumed to be dormant after a northern French court handed down a suspended prison sentence and fine to a GGLF ringleader in 1997 - organised a mass liberation of gnomes on 9 April 2000 during a daring night-time raid of a Paris exhibition. It was reported on CNN TV news broadcasts by 13 April of the same year.

Other GGLF chapters have come out in support of the event by posting horrific pictures of gnomes held in captivity and to protest for the release of all gnomes back to their own gardens.

The amount of suffering that the wretched creatures have had to endure led to the mass suicides of 1998 (eleven were found hanging from a bridge outside Lyon) have thankfully abated, but the good fight goes on.

Since this time, the Front de Libération des Nains de Jardin has relocated some 6000 gnomes to the forests, and cells have appeared across Europe, in America, and in Australia. The last-recorded activity in Australia involved 150 garden gnomes depositing themselves on the steps of the Central Bank in Sydney.

April is most certainly the busiest time for gnome relocation. Reports suggesting that police in the Northern Territory netted a cache of stolen gnomes during a drug raid around 1 April 1998, and to a gang that liberated 100 gnomes from a private garden in the Netherlands around 3 April of the same year - all point to a desire to celebrate on or near this chosen day.

The next phase of the GGLF's action plan is to fight for true integration of the garden gnome community into society, and representations are being made to the United Nations Economic and Social Council and the International Court of Justice in the form of petitions and awareness-raising events. The GGLF is committed to enhancing the partnership between gnomes and humans, and to promote higher standards of living, full employment, and conditions of economic and social progress and development.

If you are a gnome in need of refuge from harassment and bullying, try the European Gnome Sanctuary for persecuted gnomes

While this thread may pretend to be funny, the sad truth is that gnomes are a persecuted minority, and these humourous and paternalistic comments merely exacerbate the situation.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:21 AM

They are not that popular in the U.S., but I have been introducing them in my neck of the woods. Together we will take over the northeast.

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:14 AM

I love the British Airlines gnome. Could he be any worse at being president the current Neanderthal?

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:05 AM

have you seen our Prime Minister, John Howard?? down here, the garden gnome HAS taken over!

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: Leadfingers
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 11:00 AM

Hey Giok - Any one would think you had forgotten our days working together as models in the Gnome Factory

Subject: RE: BS: GARDEN GNOMES WILL TAKE OVER
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jul 05 - 10:41 AM

So s6k, you've met Leadfingers; frightening isn't it? To think a banjo player may one day rule the world!!!!!!!
Giok ¦¬]