BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.

Subject: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Ralphy Rabbit
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 06:38 PM

Unbeknownst to the general public, there were thousands of cartoon characters who never made the big time. I was one of them. I tried my best to break into the business right from the late 20's, into the "talkies", and on into the color movies. I tried Disney, Hanna Barbera, I tried 'em all.

You haven't heard of me, have you? No, but you've heard about Bugs Bunny! And you've heard about Peter Rabbit! And you've heard about Bre'r Rabbit! Well, Bugs was a syndicate-connected crook who bribed and slept his way to the top. Peter was a closet pervert. And "Bre'r" didn't even have a proper NAME! Those guys were bums, all of 'em. They were third rate hacks. I found out early that you can have all the talent, all the skill, all the heart...and Hollywood just spits you out on the trash pile if you don't know the right people and sleep with the right people. I never filched one carrot. Not one. I worked 7 days a week in lousy hash joints. What did I get for it? A skin ailment, that's what!

But enough about me. I'm just one sad casualty of the destructive cartoon industry's war on good taste and honesty in art.

Here are some of the others who should have made it big and never did. Bow your heads in a moment of silence when you read their names:

Horace Horsecollar (reduced to embarrassing "Guest" appearances at the whim of "the rodent" (you know who!)

Gus Goose (portrayed as a goof, he was brilliant)

Joe Jellyfish (had an act that had to be seen to be believed)

Andrew J. Morgenstern IV (a gorilla who could tapdance and juggle better than Gloria Gaynor)

Ima de Best (Mexican jumping bean character. Shot down in a Tijuana
nightclub and then roasted and eaten!)

Pie-Eye the Sailor Man - was shafted by Thimble Theatre and ended up starving in an alleyway in downtown Peoria. Popeye stole all of Pie- Eye's best routines and parlayed them into a lucrative career.

AND...(drum roll..........................)

* * * Licky Louse * * * - (had great plan for future Licky Louse Club, but was betrayed by Walt Disney and YOU-KNOW-WHO (the filthy rodent)! Licky took his own life by jumping into a vat of hot melted butter. He was undoubtedly the greatest "toon" of them all.)

I would appreciate it if other unsung cartoon characters of film and TV got a brief moment of recognition here...the recognition that the industry and public never gave them.

Thank you very much. Now I am going to go out and get very, very drunk.

- Ralphy Rabbit (the Star you never knew)

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: pdq
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 07:17 PM

Related to, but not exactly 'on subject' is the story of the Gaynor family. There were actually four kids:

Mitzi Gaynor became a pinup girl in the 1950's, apparently not knowing that WW II was over.

Fred "Half" Gaynor was a famous dwarf in the "Circus Boy" movies, best known for saying "hand me the pliers".

Siegfried "Full" Gaynor was the world hotdog-eating champion in 1963.

Gloria, who was not pleased with the rest of her family, showed it by singing "I Will Survive".

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 07:23 PM

if I had time, I'd tell the whole story of the Nelson family. Full, Half and Ozzie.....

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 07:26 PM

Ralphy, I've heard of you! So now you spend your days getting drunk? With food stamps, no less. I'm embarrassed for you.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Loretta Louse
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 07:33 PM

Everything Ralphy said is true, except that it was Mitzi Gaynor to whom he meant to compare the great Andrew J. Morgenstern IV, the tapdancing gorilla. Mitzi had great legs, but she couldn't tapdance like Andrew could. Licky was my great uncle, a true gentleman, and he was probably the most talented insect in the history of film. He is greatly missed. We also had the good fortune to know Ima de Best, because he stayed at our apartment once for 3 weeks. He was amazing. If he had been a human being, I feel sure that he would be as well known today in Mexico as Benito Juarez.

When Licky threatened to sue "the rodent" for blatantly stealing his Licky Louse Club idea, a bunch of "heavies" showed up at his house late one night with baseball bats and a can of bug spray. Licky was not afraid of them, but they threatened to rub out the entire family. Licky couldn't allow his own interests to imperil his wife and children, so he walked away into the sunset. He tried to get work at the other studios, but Disney had blacklisted him. All the doors were closed. It was over for Licky. The vat of hot butter may have killed his body, but it was Hollywood that killed his spirit.

I dearly hope that "the rodent" has had a few sleepless nights over it, that's all I can say.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: open mike
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:26 PM

actually i think there was Henry...
who didn't have any hair. HE may
have had a pal named Sally whose
hair sort of looked like a scrub brush.

how about the Katzenjammer kids?

Gasoline Alley? I do not see these
comics these days.

and i miss gary larson,
but he DID make it, and
chose to back off of his
own accord.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:29 PM

Sucky the Tick wasn't too popular on Saturday mornings I remember. Got yanked off the air and replaced with Hong Kong Phooey.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Felix the Cat
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:45 PM

I was a big item once. So were Archy and Mehitabel, but that was literature. Still, they were really in much the same field, I think. Mehitabel was a cool cat to whom I could very much relate. Archy was a cockroach with a great soul, God rest it.

I don't miss the fame. I have retired to a quiet life in California, not far from the famed Cannery Row. I look back on those glory days with a warm feeling. I have no regrets.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: number 6
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:56 PM

Bert the Turtle.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:58 PM

Tippy Turtle on SNL about 20 odd years ago.

Hey, Tippy Turtle
Whatcha gonna do today?
First I'm gonna bother ev'rybody I see
Then I'll prob'ly go home an' get drunk

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:20 PM

And Crusader Rabbit and his pal, Rags the Tiger, who was ripped off by Hobbes. Or Dudley Doright's horse, who by his great acting upstaged Dud once too often and ended up as Alpo. Or -- dare I mention? -- Sniffles, Mary Jane's mouse "friend." Green Lantern's youthful sidekick, Dimbulb. The Blue Tick. Major Canada, somewhat less well known than Captain America. And, of course, Heckle and Jeckle.

Ah, corporate America's beancounter culture has so very much to answer for!

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Conway Coon
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:29 PM

You are so right, Rapaire! They have no conscience. I had a promising career planned. I was to play a dashing Zorro-like racoon hero who rescues other forest animals from the nefarious plots of bad guy developers led by arch-villain Mad Major Quantrill who goes around bulldozing the natural habitat. Then affirmative action came along. They decided that my name, "Conway Coon" had racist connotations, and the show was axed! Can you believe that? I AM a racoon! How can my name be deemed racist by anyone? It's ridiculous. I'm not racist, they are specist! I have had to eke out a living working in a convenience store. I could have been a contender.

I may consider a segue into country music...

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:32 PM

Captain Canuck and his sidekick Al Coholic.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Mr Gator
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:34 PM

I had a small comic strip going in the 50's and early 60's. It was cute, but it's gone now. I basically lost out to Walt Kelly's Albert Alligator. I was cuter.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: frogprince
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 11:14 PM

Then there was Winky the one-eyed wonder lizard...

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: number 6
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 12:31 AM

Does anyone remember what song Bert the Turtle sang??

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Peace
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 12:45 AM

Reminds me of an episode of "Barney Miller" in which a guy was arrested and taken to the station. Deitrich asked him why he was so sad. He said he was sad because no one ever laughed at his jokes. Deitrich asked him his name. The comedian replied, "David Hitler."

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cluin
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 04:13 AM

Wasn't that a Hill Street Blues episode, with Vic Hitler, the narcoleptic comic?

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:36 AM

Winky Dink was on TV during the mid-1950s. I wonder what ever happened to him? Anybody know?

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:43 AM

It was originally "Bugger the Bunny", but, with a little PR makeover, it eventually became successful.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:46 AM

And don't forget the re-spelling of Elmer Fudd's last name.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST, Topsie
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:12 AM

and not exactly cartoons, but do you remember the Bumblies?

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: number 6
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 10:09 AM

Where they like Bill and Ben the Flower Pot Men?

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: EBarnacle
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 10:26 AM

What, no one recalls Okie Doaks, from the court of King Korny?

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cool Beans
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 12:21 PM

I remember Okey Doaks, and Princess Pomona, his girlfriend.
But what of Alice the Malice and Craig the Plague, a coupla Dennis the Menace comic book knockoffs?
Peter Potamus.
Wuff the Prairie Dog.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: wildlone
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 01:36 PM

The Bumblies song-
Bumbly, Bumbly what do you say?
Let's sing a Bumbly tune.
Bumbly, Bumbly flying away
And shooting over the moon.
I'm Bumbly number one.
I'm Bumbly two, that's me.
I'm the one that's not very bright -
I'm Bumbly number three

The Bumblies

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 04:48 PM

Anybody remember Tobar the 8th man? (there's a prehistoric monster that's come from outer space / it's (something something something) to destroy the human race / the FBI is helpless, it's 20 stories tall! Whom shall we get whom shall we call? Call Tobar, the 8th man - faster than a rocket, swifter than a jet, he's the mighty Tobar, he's the one to get! Call Tobar...) - he had a big 8 on his shirt. This is all I remember about him, other than this had to be before 1966 when we went to Africa, and I thought it was "the ape man" until I noticed the 8.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Charmion
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 04:49 PM

I've heard that Oswald the Rabbit ended up sipping Aqua Velva under a bridge, after YOU KNOW WHO squeezed him out of Unca Walt's affections.

And whatever happened to Andy Panda, and Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent and his little pal Beanie? (Practically the very first thing I remember seeing on television, circa 1960.)

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cluin
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 05:12 PM

Andy Panda ended up working as a fluffer for the Thundercats.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Charmion
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 05:27 PM

Roger Ramjet, he's our man, the hero of our nation,
The only thing that's wrong with him is mental retardation!

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:29 PM

Some of the Cartoon characters sitting around the Old Tunes Retirement Home are sadder than the ones that never made it. What about the King of Saturday Morning Cartoons? The mouse who made Micky look like a hairdresser? The one who made "Here I come to save the day!" a common figure of speech in the 50s and 60s? The James Bond of rodents who nailed Krakatoa Katy after he lassoed the volcano shut with a cable from the Golden gate Bridge? Mighty Mouse!! What the hell happened? They made a feature film of Inspector Gadget and left Mighty Mouse to fade into a dim memory?! Where's the justice in that? Don't we need him more than ever, really? Jeez.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Bob the Postman
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:38 PM

Please, someone, post the words and chords for the Bill And Ben theme song.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:20 PM

Winky Dink, and you
Winky Dink, and me
We are pals through fair and stormy weather.
Presto-chango, that's a thing of the past
Winko, winko works twice as fast....


Ah, ou sont les chansons d'antan?

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: number 6
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:28 PM

"Bill and Ben... Bill and Ben...
      Bill and Ben, Bill and Ben, Flowerpot Men!"

That's the best I can come up with Bob.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Severn
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:35 PM

Anyone remember the League of Animal Super Heros?:

Public Serpent

Trouble Bruin

The Lone Shark

Wonder Whooo, (The Telepathic Owl)

and a couple of nice Catholic girls, MagnifiCat! & The Flying Buttress-Nanny Goat Of Steel!("Nice butt, girl!")

....to go with that overpowering SheSkunk, Maid Scents-Defender Of Law 'n' Odor

"Take THAT!, Insti-Gator!!!!"....Ahhh yes! Those were the days!


.....And who could ever forget the short-lived attempt at a male action hero to cross over to the Saturday Morning Little Girl Market, none other than.....

RAMBO BRITE!!!!

"I'LL teach you to mess with The Color Folk, Hugh Neutral! EAT HOT SPECTRUM, INFIDEL!!!"

"You'll never put any MORE kids to sleep, Lord Kumbaya!"


(Lasted about two weeks.....)


At one time...."All part of this nutritious breakfast!" And far more absorbing than Sponge Bob.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Ralphy Rabbit
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:44 PM

Oh, my aching head....

I am just in tears here over all this. So much promise, so many broken dreams...

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Popeye
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 10:03 PM

I yam disgustipated! Ralphy Rabbit is tellin' lies about how I stole the thunder from Pie-Eye the Sailor Man. I yam innocent! Pie-Eye was an okay guy, but he had some weaknesses. I yam not the type to gossip, so I ain't sayin' what they was, but I did not steal nothin' from him. If you was in reach, Ralphy, your head would be achin' worse, lemme tell ya! What nerve! I yam infuriorated!

Popeye the (real) Sailor Man

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Brutus
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 10:12 PM

Get over and let me puch ya right in the eye ya sissy sailor!

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Severn
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:22 PM

Hey, Sailor!

You may have been strong to the Finnish, Popeye, but the Swedish preferred your rival! However, they DO prefer your FRIED chicken, (even if they stole the rights to "Chicken Pot-Pie" from you!)

And if you were REALLY any good, You'd have a successful chain of SPINACH restaurants. You're just lucky those N'awlins folks made some money off your dance craze years ago and still have a soft spot in their hearts and wallets for you. Not enough to include ANY spinach (or yams, for that matter) on the menu, of course! Now, by the time they'd actually cooked your spinach, it would likely be charred anyway, but the Collard Folks would probably still like it!

(My apologies to the Green Collard Workers. Fuzzy Zoeller made me tell that joke!)

...And how many poor kids got deformed forearms from eating that vile green stuff? And blue toes? What kind of steroids did they lace that s**t with anyway?!?!

What's more, if those folks could have read the funnies in the Chinese papers, They's know that "General Tso's Chicken" was far more hilarious than you ever were, and HE'D have the franchise.

SO THERE!

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Peace
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 12:51 AM

"Wasn't that a Hill Street Blues episode, with Vic Hitler, the narcoleptic comic?"

Cluin, you might be right. But for some reason I have Deitrich in the pictue. But, my memory ain't what it used to be and never was (with thanks to Will Rogers).

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: dianavan
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 02:38 AM

Baron Barracuda ?????

A vague memory.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: SharonA
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 02:59 AM

GUEST Mrr(zy?):

I remember the 8th Man. Also I remember that his name was spelled "TOBOR" (because it was "robot" spelled backward). No one was supposed to know that Mr. Tobor was a robot, so this clever cover-up was devised; I remember being surprised that the inventor of such a mechanical marvel wasn't smart enough to come up with a better ruse.

I remember that Tobor used to change from his disguise-as-a-human to his costume-with-number-8-on-chest in an odd way: a vertical line would appear down the center of his body and then the two sections of his body would retract somehow, like a Star Trek door opening up, revealing the different costume behind the "panels" of the "door". I recall that the sound effect for this was similar to an ocarina going halfway up a major scale (and the change back to the Mr. Tobor disguise was accompanied by the ocarina going back down that half-scale). Or was it down and then back up? Either way, it was cheesy.

I found the lyrics to his theme song:

There's a prehistoric monster who came from outer space,
Created by the Martians to destroy the human race.
The F.B.I. is helpless. It's 20 stories tall.
What can we do?
Who can we call?

Call TOBOR, The 8th Man
Call TOBOR, The 8th Man
Faster than a rocket, quicker than a jet,
He's the mighty robot, he's the one to get.
Call TOBOR, The 8th Man
Quick, call TOBOR, the mightiest robot of them all.

Seems that Ralph Bakshi worked on the animation for the show's title sequence, according to this site: http://www.alphalink.com.au/~roglen/tobor.htm (the site includes a link to listen to the song)

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 04:04 AM

Old UK TV Bits

What about the Boy's from the Bush remember them?
There was Pappy George 'Gulf' Bush and the kids George 'What National Guard' Junior, and Jeb 'Where the fuck is Florida' Bush. I wonder whatever happened to them, they were really funny weren't they?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Severn
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 07:04 AM

Wasn't Baron Barracuda a puppet dangled from on high in the absolutely horrible low-low-budget "Diver Dan", where a guy in a deep sea diver's mask walked around against a blue backdrop talking to wooden fish on strings? Production values were almost non-existant in this one. (Uh oh! Now all the divers out there will bring up the divers-ity question!). Anyway, I always wondered what a nice guy like Dan was doing in a dive like that in the first place!

I'd think that maybe the Puppets Of Yesterday's Saturdays could "stand having a few threads of their own" (so to speak). Someone should definately take a hand in this.

And what about live-action animals, like Lancelot Link?

.....Ahhhh, but they're NOT cartoons!

As for "The Boys From The Bush", Giok, Saturday morning half-hour animated Op-Ed Toons could be the next frontier. Work on it!

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Severn
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:09 AM

Licky Louse actually got all his best lines from the ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tsze. A case of Poetic Lice-Sense, I guess!

And as for Conway Coon, your brother Ty atually had a running supporting role on Deputy Dawg for a few years, so what are you griping about?!?! Ty, as I remember, was in serious consideration in the '70s as running mate in the Muskie Campaign. Hey, you could be like a California Raisin, and have no Bran Recognition at whatsoever!

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:15 AM

The shortest running cartoon series I know of starred Larry Lynx and his sidekick, Vic Vole. You might remember the first and only show, where they got lost in the mountains and Larry got so very, very, hungry....

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: MMario
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:21 AM

8THman site

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: MMario
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:31 AM

This brazilian site has a picture of 8th Man smoking his "special cigarette" to renew his energy....

http://www.mofolandia.com.br/index_anime.htm

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: bobad
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:55 AM

Mr.Wong - he never made the big time but you can catch his show here

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: bobad
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:56 AM

If you liked Mr.Wong check out Jesus and his brothers.