BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:32 PM

Captain Canuck and his sidekick Al Coholic.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Conway Coon
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:29 PM

You are so right, Rapaire! They have no conscience. I had a promising career planned. I was to play a dashing Zorro-like racoon hero who rescues other forest animals from the nefarious plots of bad guy developers led by arch-villain Mad Major Quantrill who goes around bulldozing the natural habitat. Then affirmative action came along. They decided that my name, "Conway Coon" had racist connotations, and the show was axed! Can you believe that? I AM a racoon! How can my name be deemed racist by anyone? It's ridiculous. I'm not racist, they are specist! I have had to eke out a living working in a convenience store. I could have been a contender.

I may consider a segue into country music...

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:20 PM

And Crusader Rabbit and his pal, Rags the Tiger, who was ripped off by Hobbes. Or Dudley Doright's horse, who by his great acting upstaged Dud once too often and ended up as Alpo. Or -- dare I mention? -- Sniffles, Mary Jane's mouse "friend." Green Lantern's youthful sidekick, Dimbulb. The Blue Tick. Major Canada, somewhat less well known than Captain America. And, of course, Heckle and Jeckle.

Ah, corporate America's beancounter culture has so very much to answer for!

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:58 PM

Tippy Turtle on SNL about 20 odd years ago.

Hey, Tippy Turtle
Whatcha gonna do today?
First I'm gonna bother ev'rybody I see
Then I'll prob'ly go home an' get drunk

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: number 6
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:56 PM

Bert the Turtle.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Felix the Cat
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:45 PM

I was a big item once. So were Archy and Mehitabel, but that was literature. Still, they were really in much the same field, I think. Mehitabel was a cool cat to whom I could very much relate. Archy was a cockroach with a great soul, God rest it.

I don't miss the fame. I have retired to a quiet life in California, not far from the famed Cannery Row. I look back on those glory days with a warm feeling. I have no regrets.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:29 PM

Sucky the Tick wasn't too popular on Saturday mornings I remember. Got yanked off the air and replaced with Hong Kong Phooey.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: open mike
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:26 PM

actually i think there was Henry...
who didn't have any hair. HE may
have had a pal named Sally whose
hair sort of looked like a scrub brush.

how about the Katzenjammer kids?

Gasoline Alley? I do not see these
comics these days.

and i miss gary larson,
but he DID make it, and
chose to back off of his
own accord.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Loretta Louse
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 07:33 PM

Everything Ralphy said is true, except that it was Mitzi Gaynor to whom he meant to compare the great Andrew J. Morgenstern IV, the tapdancing gorilla. Mitzi had great legs, but she couldn't tapdance like Andrew could. Licky was my great uncle, a true gentleman, and he was probably the most talented insect in the history of film. He is greatly missed. We also had the good fortune to know Ima de Best, because he stayed at our apartment once for 3 weeks. He was amazing. If he had been a human being, I feel sure that he would be as well known today in Mexico as Benito Juarez.

When Licky threatened to sue "the rodent" for blatantly stealing his Licky Louse Club idea, a bunch of "heavies" showed up at his house late one night with baseball bats and a can of bug spray. Licky was not afraid of them, but they threatened to rub out the entire family. Licky couldn't allow his own interests to imperil his wife and children, so he walked away into the sunset. He tried to get work at the other studios, but Disney had blacklisted him. All the doors were closed. It was over for Licky. The vat of hot butter may have killed his body, but it was Hollywood that killed his spirit.

I dearly hope that "the rodent" has had a few sleepless nights over it, that's all I can say.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 07:26 PM

Ralphy, I've heard of you! So now you spend your days getting drunk? With food stamps, no less. I'm embarrassed for you.

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 07:23 PM

if I had time, I'd tell the whole story of the Nelson family. Full, Half and Ozzie.....

Subject: RE: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: pdq
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 07:17 PM

Related to, but not exactly 'on subject' is the story of the Gaynor family. There were actually four kids:

Mitzi Gaynor became a pinup girl in the 1950's, apparently not knowing that WW II was over.

Fred "Half" Gaynor was a famous dwarf in the "Circus Boy" movies, best known for saying "hand me the pliers".

Siegfried "Full" Gaynor was the world hotdog-eating champion in 1963.

Gloria, who was not pleased with the rest of her family, showed it by singing "I Will Survive".

Subject: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
From: GUEST,Ralphy Rabbit
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 06:38 PM

Unbeknownst to the general public, there were thousands of cartoon characters who never made the big time. I was one of them. I tried my best to break into the business right from the late 20's, into the "talkies", and on into the color movies. I tried Disney, Hanna Barbera, I tried 'em all.

You haven't heard of me, have you? No, but you've heard about Bugs Bunny! And you've heard about Peter Rabbit! And you've heard about Bre'r Rabbit! Well, Bugs was a syndicate-connected crook who bribed and slept his way to the top. Peter was a closet pervert. And "Bre'r" didn't even have a proper NAME! Those guys were bums, all of 'em. They were third rate hacks. I found out early that you can have all the talent, all the skill, all the heart...and Hollywood just spits you out on the trash pile if you don't know the right people and sleep with the right people. I never filched one carrot. Not one. I worked 7 days a week in lousy hash joints. What did I get for it? A skin ailment, that's what!

But enough about me. I'm just one sad casualty of the destructive cartoon industry's war on good taste and honesty in art.

Here are some of the others who should have made it big and never did. Bow your heads in a moment of silence when you read their names:

Horace Horsecollar (reduced to embarrassing "Guest" appearances at the whim of "the rodent" (you know who!)

Gus Goose (portrayed as a goof, he was brilliant)

Joe Jellyfish (had an act that had to be seen to be believed)

Andrew J. Morgenstern IV (a gorilla who could tapdance and juggle better than Gloria Gaynor)

Ima de Best (Mexican jumping bean character. Shot down in a Tijuana
nightclub and then roasted and eaten!)

Pie-Eye the Sailor Man - was shafted by Thimble Theatre and ended up starving in an alleyway in downtown Peoria. Popeye stole all of Pie- Eye's best routines and parlayed them into a lucrative career.

AND...(drum roll..........................)

* * * Licky Louse * * * - (had great plan for future Licky Louse Club, but was betrayed by Walt Disney and YOU-KNOW-WHO (the filthy rodent)! Licky took his own life by jumping into a vat of hot melted butter. He was undoubtedly the greatest "toon" of them all.)

I would appreciate it if other unsung cartoon characters of film and TV got a brief moment of recognition here...the recognition that the industry and public never gave them.

Thank you very much. Now I am going to go out and get very, very drunk.

- Ralphy Rabbit (the Star you never knew)