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BS: Shane arrested again!

GUEST,Don the Man 24 Aug 05 - 09:41 PM
SINSULL 24 Aug 05 - 09:46 PM
GUEST,Alfie, the Sexpert of the Georgian Shores 24 Aug 05 - 09:48 PM
GUEST,Don the Man 24 Aug 05 - 09:50 PM
GUEST,Alfie, the sexpert of the Georgina Shores 24 Aug 05 - 09:52 PM
GUEST,Don the Man 24 Aug 05 - 09:54 PM
GUEST,Alfie, the Sexpert of the Georgian Shores 24 Aug 05 - 09:59 PM
GUEST,Don the Man 24 Aug 05 - 10:04 PM
GUEST,Alfie...etc. 24 Aug 05 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 05 - 10:11 PM
GUEST,Don the Man 24 Aug 05 - 10:17 PM
Cluin 24 Aug 05 - 10:57 PM
wysiwyg 24 Aug 05 - 11:08 PM
The Villan 24 Aug 05 - 11:18 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 05 - 11:53 PM
Le Scaramouche 25 Aug 05 - 01:52 AM
Ebbie 25 Aug 05 - 02:25 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 05 - 08:45 AM
freda underhill 25 Aug 05 - 08:51 AM
GUEST,WAsTed in wAwa 25 Aug 05 - 09:01 AM
frogprince 25 Aug 05 - 04:26 PM
GUEST,Don the Man 25 Aug 05 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 05 - 10:40 PM
GUEST,Don the Man 25 Aug 05 - 11:15 PM
GUEST,WAsTed in wAwa 26 Aug 05 - 09:24 AM
GUEST,Don the Man 26 Aug 05 - 10:40 AM
GUEST,Don the Man 26 Aug 05 - 10:55 AM
GUEST,WAsTed in wAwa 26 Aug 05 - 12:17 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 05 - 12:34 PM
*daylia* 26 Aug 05 - 05:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Aug 05 - 07:24 PM
*daylia* 26 Aug 05 - 07:54 PM
Peace 26 Aug 05 - 11:35 PM
Cluin 27 Aug 05 - 12:39 AM
Peace 27 Aug 05 - 12:43 AM
Cluin 27 Aug 05 - 12:48 AM
Peace 27 Aug 05 - 12:49 AM
Cluin 27 Aug 05 - 12:57 AM
Peace 27 Aug 05 - 01:04 AM
Cluin 27 Aug 05 - 01:26 AM
*daylia* 27 Aug 05 - 12:48 PM
gnu 27 Aug 05 - 01:02 PM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 05 - 01:18 PM
jacqui.c 27 Aug 05 - 04:04 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 05 - 04:10 PM
GUEST,Don the Man 27 Aug 05 - 05:08 PM
GUEST,WAsTed in wAwa 27 Aug 05 - 05:52 PM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 05 - 06:17 PM
gnu 27 Aug 05 - 07:23 PM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 05 - 08:33 PM
gnu 28 Aug 05 - 01:09 PM
GUEST,Don the Man 28 Aug 05 - 01:26 PM
gnu 29 Aug 05 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 05 - 12:31 PM
gnu 30 Aug 05 - 02:13 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 05 - 05:37 PM
Little Hawk 30 Aug 05 - 07:38 PM
jacqui.c 30 Aug 05 - 11:17 PM
gnu 31 Aug 05 - 05:48 AM
Rapparee 31 Aug 05 - 03:57 PM
Little Hawk 01 Sep 05 - 02:23 PM
GUEST,Blotto in Beaverton 02 Sep 05 - 01:01 AM
Little Hawk 02 Sep 05 - 12:48 PM
Cluin 02 Sep 05 - 09:15 PM
gnu 01 Oct 05 - 02:04 PM
Peace 01 Oct 05 - 02:23 PM
gnu 01 Oct 05 - 02:27 PM
Little Hawk 01 Oct 05 - 02:38 PM
gnu 01 Oct 05 - 02:41 PM
Little Hawk 01 Oct 05 - 03:02 PM
gnu 01 Oct 05 - 03:04 PM
Peace 01 Oct 05 - 06:48 PM
gnu 15 Nov 05 - 04:50 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 15 Nov 05 - 05:14 PM
gnu 24 Dec 05 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 24 Dec 05 - 07:47 PM
gnu 26 Dec 05 - 12:19 PM

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Subject: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:41 PM

Well, the fliphead got himself arrested again. Drunk and dis-flippin-orderly, eh? Ha! Ha! Ha! Serves the bolthole right cos he drunk all my beer and the bottle of Rye too. Then he went downtown and got arrested becoz he was makin' a spectackle of himself on Main Street and accostin' girls and he tried to pick a fight with the mailbox outside the post office. I thouhgt he was in Sudbury or I would not have left it where he could find it while I was at work.

So, the little man is in the lockup. He has flippin violated the conditions of parole. It don't look good. Officer Dana, who is a hard-nosed bitch anyway cos she don't like me none, is gonna be majorly disapointed in the boy. Majorly. I think he has blown it this time in a big way, eh?

I sure hope they don't give him five years or nothin' like that. If they do, I will have to find a way to help him out so's he don't get depressed and hang himself or somethin'. He will need weed, smokes, and alcohol if he is gonna survive a long stay in the joint. I can arrange that, I figger. What is a brother for, anyway?

- Don the Man (Shane's big brother)


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:46 PM

When they start his 12 Step Program in jail, make sure he understands that surrewndering himself to a higher power does not include Officer Dana.
Sorry to hear this.
SINS


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Alfie, the Sexpert of the Georgian Shores
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:48 PM

Holy flip! So he got arrested, eh? Figgers.

So, whaddya mean about the mailbox, Don? It has always been in fronta the post office, eh? I don't get what you mean.

Alfie


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:50 PM

What?? What the flip are you talkin' about Alfie? I don't get what YOU mean either, eh?

- Don the Man


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Alfie, the sexpert of the Georgina Shores
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:52 PM

You said the you left the flippin' mailbox where he could find it but you would not have if you knew he was home. That don't make sense. The mailbox has ALWAYS been in fronta the post office, and YOU don't own it! Are you stupid or What???

Alfie


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:54 PM

What the...FLIP! What are you... Man, you have got a way lot of nerve callin' ME stupid, eh? Get a job, man. Get a flippin' life too. I can't believe I am even wastin' time tryin' to explain nothin' to you cos you are an idiot.

Sleep it off, eh?

- Don the Man


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Alfie, the Sexpert of the Georgian Shores
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:59 PM

I don't see no call for you to start insulting people, eh? So take off! I figger you will end up in jail just like your stupid little brother did and soon enuff, only in your case it will mainly be for just bein' a public newsance. You don't OWN the flippin' MAILBOXES, man! Think about it. You don't.

Alfie


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:04 PM

Oh fer Chrissake...! I was TALKIN' about my BEER and my WHISKY that he drunk, you flippin' MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get real!

I was NOT talkin' about no mailbox, okay?



I said he tried to FIGHT the flippin' mailbox. And it was winning when they arrested him. Which figgers. He also used bad flippin' language in public. Wow, eh? Imagine that. HOw astonishing, eh? (nod, wink)

Who's compyuter are you on?

- Don the Man


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Alfie...etc.
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:11 PM

Oh.


Well, okay then.

Look, I knew that, eh? But you have got to, like, learn to express yerself clearer, eh? Words are importnat, man, and they have got to be put in the right order or people can get the wrong idea. Know what I'm sayin'?

I'm on my sister's computer. She's workin' at Timmies tonight. She will be ticked if she checks the "history". LOL!

Who's computer are you on?

Alfie


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:11 PM

I have offered suggestions in the MOAB, Molson drinker.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:17 PM

I am on idiot-boy's compyuter here, the one he uses to write his crazy newspaper storeys, eh? It's pretty cool. You would not flippin' BELIEVE the porno stuff and weird shit he has saved on here. I mean, HOLY FLIP, there is stuff on here that I ain't even DONE or even HEARD of before! I did not think that was possible. I am serious. Un-flippin'-believable. No wonder the boy is lookin' not too good some mornings. Bein' in jail will probally do him some good, I'm thinkin'.

Well, I gotta singe off now. Bernice is comin' over. Later, man. I will log in tomorrow and let the world know how the little man is doin'.

- Don the Man


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:57 PM

So Shane got his pimply ass tossed back in the slammer, eh?

Kind of like that old joke, maybe he's not in it for the misdemeanorin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 11:08 PM

12 Flippin' Steps??????????????

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: The Villan
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 11:18 PM

And there was me thinking he wasn't playing for Australia today, which would have been great.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 11:53 PM

Ha! Ha! Poor Shane. The World just does not understand the pain that boy is going through. He needs love, man, true love! Perhaps Officer Dana will spring him from the slammer and they will make a run for Mexico together! This could be better than a Thelma and Louise sequel. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 01:52 AM

Being Shane, who's to say he isn't getting a kick out of all this.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 02:25 AM

That boy. Makes friends wherever he goes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:45 AM

I've heard that he really enjoys being handcuffed, his body cavities searched, humiliated, forced to live with other males....


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: freda underhill
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 08:51 AM

, takes all sorts..


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,WAsTed in wAwa
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:01 AM

ha ha ahah ha h*hic* ha looks ggood on him   ha hah ah a whatta LOSER    hey ALfie getta brain   getta LIFe!!! *hic*

wait THAT"S the LAST BREW! GIVE iT UP ya hosebag ya TOOOL!! *thump* *whack*   mmmmmmph! oh alright take it take it   take it ALL...   

....hey DOn ya LOSER!!! do yerself a BIG favour git yerself to wAWa and my BABES'll knock a bitta sense inna ya


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 04:26 PM

As that picture loaded, I first thought it was members of a coven.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:42 PM

Holy flippin' JAYSUS!!! Those are UGLY SKANKS in Wawa!   Coupla dykes if ya ask me.   Gag me with a hosebag, man. I know you, Wasted in Wawa. Your an even bigger looser than idiot-boy. You suck majorly. I know this coz it is common knowledge, eh?

So, the little man got took up north somewhere to a special camp. Officer Dana talked 'em inta sendin' him there instead of keepin' him in the Sudbury jail and that is good coz Snake wants to kill him and I'm sure Snake ain't forgot about it. BOY was Officer Dana ever ticked off!!! OUch. I am glad I am not Shane. He has to listen to her flippin' tirades, man. He is gonna wish he was flippin' dead, eh?

Well, she said she is gonna get him straightened out this time if it kills him.

I don't know what the place is they sent him too, but I guess it is for total flipheads who basically ain't really a danger to society. That's what I figger. Fact is, my little brother ain't a danger to nothin' but himself...and my flippin' beer!

The fliphead did bust my nose awhile back, but I provoked him...and I didn't see it comin' becoz he hit me when I opened the flippin' front door. If I'd seen it comin' I woulda laughed. He can't outfight a flippin' mailbox, so how could he ever take me? Never, that's how.

I am gonna put together a care package for the boy. One pack of smokes, a Penthouse mag, and a roll of toilet paper. What's a brother for, eh?

- Don the Man


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 10:40 PM

They let him use toilet paper??? Sheesh, what kinda criminal lockups you guys got in Canada? Down here in the States they only get to use the second-hand sandpaper from the woodworking shop.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:15 PM

Yeah, right! You USA hoseheads are a buncha flippin' poofs, eh? You would freeze yer flippin' mungoberries off if ya had to deal with our CAnadian winters up here in the northland. We are men up here. Put that where the sun don't shine and sit on it fer a bit.

- Don the Man


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,WAsTed in wAwa
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:24 AM

SKANKS?! Ha ha ha hah *hic* aha NOw who's bLind DRunk in Blind RIver?!? THat's "Miss BLind RIver 2004" right hthere on the right! Oh yeah you were so WAsted that day ya chucked yer cookeis all over her shoes   HA ha aha hah   and y'know at least they got BIG flippin mungoberries to freeze off in the USA!! just Like we do in wAwa. WHy dya think my hotties come to see me????   haha ah *hic*   

but hey   *hic* don't get yer silky smoothy panties all in abunch ov3er it now eh? Try fertilizin them mungoberries. Grow em REALL BIG!! and maybe my HOTTIES'll get on BACK to bLind RIVer an showya a REAL flippin good time somedAy


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 10:40 AM

Yeah? You are a flippin' MORON and a HALF, man! YOU couldn't flip yer way of a rusty tin can, eh? I would not waste my flippin' time tryin' to tell you nothin' cos it would be like talkin' to the flippin' wall. Flip right off! I been to Wawa. It's a flippin' dump. And that's what it smells like too!

- Don the Man


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 10:55 AM

I was gonna send the care package to Shane by way of Officer Dana, who will not let me call her "Jen", or "Jennifer" neither. She is one hard-nosed bitch, even if she is good-lookin'! Well, I got a real big shock when she told me that there ain't no cigarettes allowed where they have took Shane!!!

"No cigarettes!" I yelled. "He'll flippin' DIE!"

"No, he won't. He'll get healthy for a change," she says. "No alcohol, no cigarettes, no dope, up every morning at 6 AM, exercise outside 3 times a day, long power walks, and all the food and fresh water a man needs. In a month you won't recognize him."

Flippin' right. In a month he will be dead. Hell, in a week.

I am gonna start makin' the funeral arrangements right now. It's gonna be a sad flippin' day in Blind River.

- Don the Man (in a deep flippin' state of shock and sadness)

p.s. She laughed when I tried to give her the Penthouse magazine to take for Shane. That woman has no flippin' mercy. She did take the toilet paper, though...to be nice, I guess, coz she says they already got all they need there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,WAsTed in wAwa
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 12:17 PM

Hey DOrkus! DOnB *hic* DOnBOy!! you an yer numbnuts bro should quit guzzlin so mucha that bLind RIVer URINEium!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 12:34 PM

I been to Blind River, dick. It's a nice, pleasant place even in winter. Sheeeeeeeeeeet, anybody can tell from your big time talk that you ain't even been north of 60! Wimpy little boys whining about how cold it gets in Southern Canada.... When you've driven up the Dempster to Inuvik during the winter, THEN you tell me about cold and snow, Molson-sucker!


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: *daylia*
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 05:36 PM

Blind River is beautiful.

And so is Wawa. (those are the Aurora Borealis over Wawa ... and here's Wawa by day, complete with it's hallowed honkers

They're actually kinda like peas in a pod - great hiking, hunting, fishing, watersports, scenery, AND people -- except Wawa's minus the urineium (hee hee!). Either place provides a welcoming oasis for weary travellers on the remote stretches of Hwy 17 - except - and you've been warned now! - Wawa has no Tim's.

And gas is more expensive there too. $1.05/litre last time I moseyed through - and that was 3 weeks ago. Bet it's $1.10 by now.

(WaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaa......)


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 07:24 PM

I have never been to Wawa. I have driven past Waugh, Alabama many times, but I'm sure it's only half the town Wawa is.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: *daylia*
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 07:54 PM

What a waugh!   :-D   

"Wawa" means "wild goose" in (Native) Ojibway. So, which half do they have down there in Alabama? (I bet it's the wiiiiiild half...)


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Peace
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 11:35 PM

In the slam aGAIN? Bloody JD is what he is.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:39 AM

Wawa is well-known on the hitch-hiking circuit as a black hole. The word to the wise is if a driver says he can take you as far as Wawa, decline the ride. You'll get stuck there for weeks. Read the grafitti beside the highway there. It's harder to catch a ride out of Wawa than to get laid at a convent.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Peace
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:43 AM

Pardon me, but screw Wawa. Got there late one evening and paid more there for gasoline than any place I have ever been outside the Northwest Territories. Always wanted to have a scotch there, though. Thought it would be cool to say, "I'll have a scotch in Wawa, please"


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:48 AM

Yeah, I know, it was named by Helen Keller...


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Peace
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:49 AM

First Wawa goose. (1960-63)

Second Wawa goose (current)


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:57 AM

Third Wawa goose (10 minutes into the future)


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Peace
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 01:04 AM

Dang. I was looking for a pic like that. You are a master googler.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 01:26 AM

I quit doing that when I got a girlfriend, Peace.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: *daylia*
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:48 PM

One of my lifelong friends has had the same 'trademark' line for years. When he was a teen doing the typical Ontario "go West young man" thing, his car broke down on the TransCanada, just outside Wawa. He was stuck there 3, count'em 3 WHOLE WEEKS waiting for the parts he needed to be delivered. And then another few days till the Wawa garage got around to the repairs.

WHen he got back here, it sounded like he'd been chained to a wall in the Barrie Bucket for a month! He was just obsessed for a while, telling everyone and anyone who'd listen his sad sad story, always finishing with the sane heartfelt admonition

"So whatever ya do, DON'T get stuck in Wawa!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 01:02 PM

I would rather be in Wawa than Pettawawa.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 01:18 PM

Either way, it's almost like being in hell...

I think Blind River is somewhat preferable to either of the "wawas". After all, it has a Tim Hortons.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 04:04 PM

From reading about the conditions in which BDIBR is incarcerated I'm rather concerned about how he might have changed when heis finally released.

He's going to have gone through alcohol and tobacco withdrawal while at the same time becoming fitter and healthier.

Jusr suppose he likes the way he is then. What the hell is he going to be good for once he gets back into circulation?


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 04:10 PM

He can join the OPP, the RCMP or, god help, the Defence Forces.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 05:08 PM

Right flippin' ON, jacqui! That's what I say too. What the flip is he gonna be GOOD for if he survives this experiense, eh? I hate ta think of it. Flip me.

I have gotta find a way to bust him out quick.

I ain't heard nothin' today.

- Don (thinkin' hard)


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,WAsTed in wAwa
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 05:52 PM

aa*hic*aaawwwww      DOnny wanna pettawawa?


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 06:17 PM

LOL! I never cease to be amazed at what crawls out of the swamp and makes its appearance here on this forum.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 07:23 PM

Del here. So, that's what happened. I wondered where Shane was to. Holee frig, man! That is, like, real friggin bad news bout Shane, Don. Life sucks and then ya die, eh? But, like, why was he after the mailbox on friggin MAIN STREET, man? I mean, like, ya gotta hit the green machines (get it? green? machines? get it?) at, like, a trailer park er sometin man. Not a lotta EI and Welfare checks in a box on Main Street, right? Wait. It WAS a GREEN box, right? Tell me it was NOT a friggin RED box, like, where people put their mail, right? No friggin way, eh? Anyway, I hope Jeni don't hold no little slip up against him. A guy's gotta blow off a little steam every now and then, right? Good story eh. Tell him ta stick to it right. So, like, they sent him to a rehab type place, eh? Maybe that is the best for him. You should tell him to take up countin. Dale called me and told me his boss is learnin him countin and book stuff. That is good on accounta Dale is mechanically declined. I woke up in Doaktown one night because the friggin guy was too pussy to put the truck up against a tree to clunk er. Friggin guy eh? Okay, like, I gotta git cause I gotta study these floor plans Dale sent me sos I kin figger out how ta best open up one a these here stores and it's almost dark and today was the last Saurrday of the month. Keep on keepin on. Later eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 08:33 PM

Boy...you can just taste the "good life" in rural Canada, can't you? Reading Del's posts, I mean...

"Freedom 35", man. Just watch the guy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 01:09 PM

Dale here. I just got a call from Del. I bin workin so hard I ain't in the know bout nuthin man. And when I ain't bin working, I bin workin even harder. Get it? Harder, eh? Member I told ya bout my new love? Anyway, man, that is a friggin bummer bout Shane. If you will let me know where he is, I will send my old Playboy mags ta him. Without the senter folds, of course, on accounta they got all the jokes on the back, right. I will gladly give em all ta Shane cuz I won't be needin ta run big red on manual no more on accounta I got me a real good woman now. I got him on full auto from now on. We even set a date. September 20, on accounta huntin seeson is closed from September 20 to September 30, unless ya get a moose license. Of course, fishin seeson is still open, but fishin is somethin ya do when ya can't go huntin right? So, like, we even talked names and she wants to name the first one June, if it's a girl, fer obveeus reesons, and Dale if it's a boy, but I won't go into that, until the 20th! Get it? We are gonna have our hornymoon up ta the camp. She is up there now splittin wood fer the cosy nites by the fire. Man, she is a pole cat with the axe. Get it? POLE cat with an AXE? I should write these down, man. She don't even have ta pile. When she connects, the sticks fly so far, she's got two piles when she's done. I can't wait fer her ta carry me across the thresh hole. I am head over heels... most nights. Get it? Okay, so, like, you let me know where Shane is to and I'll fill a coupla boxes with playboys and send em as long as he can pay COD, on accounta part of my wages are now garansheed ta go to hosebitch, so I haven't got much ta spare. Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you about that there part of yer pay what's suppose ta be proper for a wedding ring. Is it three or four weeks pay? Frig man, I gotta git cause I was suppose to call my cousin Dwayne and tell him ta be at Del's bail hearing tomorrow. Take it easy, but take it eh. Later eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 01:26 PM

Way to go, Dale. I will pass the good news on to Shane. I am gonna gas up the pickup and go check out this place where they took him. It's north of here about 40 miles, eh? Somewhere in the flippin' bush. And I don't mean THAT kinda bush, eh? Nope. No such luck! I mean the kind that's fulla moskeetos and black bears, eh? Hang onto those Playboys, man, cos Shane don't have no money right now and I am strapped. I got rent to pay here. Bernice won't lend me no more right now cos she hasta get streaks put in her hair, eh? I tell her don't bother, but she figgers she has got to have them streaks and that's all there is to it. She has ambitions to become a major wet T-shirt star and go where the action is: Sudbury. I tell her I got enuff action right here, and it's true, but she has got stars in her flippin' eyes, eh? Well, I wish her luck. There are plently more fish in the swamp.

- Don the Man


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 09:37 AM

Gnu here. Dale has lucked in and Del has lucked out. Dwayne just called to tell me that there will be no bail for Del due to his recordssss. And there doesn't seem like much hope of beating the rap. His "original auto parts" business was a little too "original" when he tried to sell the rear doors of an RCMP cruiser to Cpl. Daylia. I don't think we'll be hearing much from either of them for a while.

BTW, if anyone wants to send anything to Dale and Daisy-June for a wedding gift, they are registered at the Irving in Chipman.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 12:31 PM

Molson-suckers, every damned one of yez.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 02:13 PM

Molson? Eeeewwwwwwwwww. Down here, in Lowly Canada, we drink our locally produced beers, Moosehead and Alpine, and Kieth's, and such, and Bud, on accounta Bud gives a nickel on every beer to the NRA... that stands fer National Rednecks Association, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 05:37 PM

Moosehead's okay, Kieth's is okay, and Alpine's okay. But none of the three is really outstanding, just drinkable.

Budweiser tastes like what the dog left on the hydrant two or three days back. Lite tastes the same, only like it was flushed first.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 07:38 PM

I see you guys really know your beer, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 11:17 PM

What I want to know is how Rapaire knows what Bud tastes like.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 05:48 AM

Moosehead and Alpine won gold in Belgium this year. Alpine won gold in New York this year. Apparently, someone thinks they ain't so bad. Namely, the judges at the two most recognized taste competitions in the world. And, of course, Wade, the Beer Bandit.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 03:57 PM

I used to drink Budweiser, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Coors, Old Milwaukee, Lucky Lager, Stag, Keystone, Schlitz, and so on and so on. Then my tastes matured. I know what Bud tastes like in the same way that someone says "This tastes like shit!" and you know right away what it tastes like. Sort of a Universal Unconscious Taste Bud or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 02:23 PM

This is going to shock you guys, but I don't even like beer. I never drink it. The last time I had just half a bottle of the stuff I felt decidedly the worse for it. Beer is worthless rotgut, in my opinion. It should be used as engine coolant or something, but it's not even any good for that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Blotto in Beaverton
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 01:01 AM

I jus' knew you wuz a big fag, Little Cawk.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 12:48 PM

Yeah? Well, here's my suggestion to you, Beaverton. Gather up your feeble wits, put them in a thimble, and mail it to Schenectady. They need more fertilizer there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Cluin
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 09:15 PM

Beer League!

Hilarious video and concept. Vote to get it on TV. Looks to be better than Trailer Park Boys.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 02:04 PM

gnu here. Dale and Daisy-June had a wonderful wedding. All of the guys were dressed up in black bow-ties and Hunter's Orange vests, and all of the women were wearing dresses designed by my half-French and half-Irish cousin Camille O'Flage. (He's the guy that is suing Mossy Oak and Remington over them ripping off his clothing design that he trademarked "Cam'O'flage".)

The new in-laws bought the happy couple a Mini-Home seized by the RCMP in a grow-op and they are looking around for a piece of crown land to squat it on.

Even cousin Del was there, on a day release, pending sentencing. But he didn't stay long. He and Cpl. Daylia just disappeared. But, he gave the newlyweds a wicked wild wedding present. Two Lincoln Town Cars for ta use as greenhouses and garbage boxes. No motors or gas tanks... just perfect for plantin flowers early and keepin garbage til pickup so's the ravens and coons can't get pickin. They will look nice on either side of the driveway.

I got them a 175 watt yard light at Princess Auto. High pressure sodium so's it's really energy efficient, which is most important, on accounta, if they can find a new spot to put the trailer and get it installed and hooked up just as the new power rates come in, the neighbours will never notice the diffrence in their power bill.

And, they got a raft of mason jars from far and wide. Boxes and boxes of em. And, then, a huge big pot. Of course, the surprise was spoiled at that point cause they pretty much knew what was coming next... a half dozen chits fer a moose. They will be so busy bottlin moose, I don't know when they will have time for anything else! Although, Dale, in his toast to his bride, eloquently alluded to the fact that the women folk had better plan for a spring baby shower. Father was blushing and salivating at the same time.

Anyway, That's a snippet of all the news from Kent County. I hope we get to hear from Shane and Don soon. If the lads are not too wrapped up in their girlfriends to post... nudge, nudge, wink, wink, eh, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Peace
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 02:23 PM

I have never drunk beer and I never will. But a friend did and he told me all about it. Bud tastes like piss. Infected piss from someone with the pox. That's what he told me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 02:27 PM

Yup. It'll get ya pissed all right.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 02:38 PM

That's right. Beer is a seriously bad tasting drink that isn't any good for you. I can live with it. I feel much the same about coffee, but beer is worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 02:41 PM

Whale oil beef hooked.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 03:02 PM

Also, there are better things that one can spend one's time doing than watching hockey.

About 512,000 better things...


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 03:04 PM

Nay... only one!! Playing hockey!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Peace
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 06:48 PM

I played hookey lots when I was a student.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:50 PM

I was up ta the camp on the weekend and met Dale way back. He was chasin a Christmas buck. You know, one a them bucks what got Christmas trees fer antlers. Big bugger he is. Anyway, come ta find out, after I left the weddin, didn't the BIG surprise weddin present arrive - a snowblower!!! 13 horsepower, 36" cut!!! Man o man!!! What with a long driveway and a skatin rink fer the little ones, Dale will be able to bury a bunch a moose in snowbanks this year. Gonna need to, unfortunately. An uncle passed and his brother Johnny broke his back in an accident, so Dale will be supplyin the winter's meat for two more families.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 05:14 PM

No WAY, man! That is great! Hey, I am outta the slamer and things are lookin' up, eh? I am in a, like, new place here with a real TV and a flippin' DVD player too, eh? Totally decent! I am not talkin' to my idiot brother Don cos he, like, offended me majerly and he is a total looser. He shoulda kept his bigh mouth shut but he hadda go and make aspershists remarks about the woman I love. He is dead meat. I am glad I don't like downwind from him, know what I am sayin'?

How goes the marriagne? Okay I hope. I ain't married yet but I am thinkin' about it. I do not know if bein' married would loose me a lot of my female fans and they are inportant becoz I am still writin' a weekly column, eh? YOu cant' aford to loose yer, like, clonstuteuncy by makin' the wrong move.

Look what happend to Bruce Sprinsteen, fer example. He shuolda stayed single. And it didn't do Michail Jackson no good neither. Of coarse, nothin' would flippin' do that idiot any good. He is flipped right up to the gills.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 24 Dec 05 - 10:00 AM

What a night we had last night! I put up a big crowd from Kent County as they were all here in Moncton to do their Christmas shopping at Canadian Tire.

Daisy-June is looking radiant… with twins!! Dale was strutting around like an old birch partridge. Everything is going well with them, except that there hasn't been enough snow to bury a suirrel. Not even one mason jar got used yet but you can bet the pot will be on full boil by dawn. Most of the lads will going to Midnight Moose tonight. Won't be a warden for miles. Plus, it's suppose to snow tonight, so they won't even have to brush their tracks. Canadian Tire is all out of Dirty Thirty Ammo and D-cell batteries.

Del served one third of his six months and has house arrest for the next two months. Then he's back on parole. He can only go out to the Community College where he is studying auto mechanics as part of his rehabilitation. He is specializing in electrical systems. In his spare time, he is working in his garage, where he mostly customizes jeeps and trucks with jacked-up suspensions and high powered lights and such. There's a big demand for that kind of work around here. He and Cpl. Daylia are still seeing each other, when they can, but she's gotta keep it hush-hush until his latest debt to society is repaid. I guess the RCMP frown on consorting of that sort.

Dale's brother Johnny is still in a full body cast. The insurance company has been ordered to pay for his old truck that burned, his new truck that was rolled after being stolen, his medical bills and his lost "wages". EI cancelled his claim because he is not available for work. Of course, the judge allowed the insurance company to reserve the right to sue Johnny, who they accuse of rolling the new truck while under the influence of alcohol and filing a false theft report. Can you believe that? I mean, if he had done it, imagine how drunk he'd have to be to have four crushed vertebra and a cracked pelvis and wait until the next morning to report a stolen vehicle.

Okay. I gotta git. Can't wait to hear from you, Shane, Don. The lads have been asking after youse.

Merry Ho Ho.


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 05 - 07:47 PM

Why you want to hear from the Molson-drinker?


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Subject: RE: BS: Shane arrested again!
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 05 - 12:19 PM

It's a Canuck thing. Hosers in arms eh.


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