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Folklore: Limericks...know any good ones [15]

GUEST,Slim Eric 08 Sep 05 - 05:43 AM
Rapparee 08 Sep 05 - 08:50 AM
GUEST,Mrr 08 Sep 05 - 11:57 AM
Flash Company 09 Sep 05 - 06:48 AM
GUEST,bigp 13 Sep 05 - 08:13 PM
Mrrzy 13 Sep 05 - 09:34 PM
Midchuck 14 Sep 05 - 06:49 PM
Lanfranc 14 Sep 05 - 07:39 PM
UncleToad 15 Sep 05 - 05:41 PM
GUEST,Slim Eric 16 Sep 05 - 01:16 PM
GUEST 26 Sep 05 - 04:31 PM
GUEST,Ron Edwards 26 Sep 05 - 07:47 PM
Bill D 26 Sep 05 - 07:56 PM
Bill D 26 Sep 05 - 07:59 PM
Bill D 26 Sep 05 - 08:02 PM
Mr Red 27 Sep 05 - 08:01 AM
Richard Bridge 27 Sep 05 - 02:13 PM
Pseudolus 27 Sep 05 - 02:21 PM
GUEST,CrazyEddie 29 Sep 05 - 06:25 AM
JennyO 29 Sep 05 - 06:45 AM
GUEST 29 Sep 05 - 04:48 PM
Dead Horse 29 Sep 05 - 06:22 PM
Schantieman 30 Sep 05 - 10:53 AM
GUEST,Byrhthelm 20 Oct 05 - 11:58 AM
UncleToad 20 Oct 05 - 09:08 PM
GUEST,Joe_f 20 Oct 05 - 09:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Slim Eric
Date: 08 Sep 05 - 05:43 AM

Go for it Flash!


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 05 - 08:50 AM

The limerick gets laughs astronomical
In a space that is quite economical
But the good ones I seen
Are seldom so clean
And the clean ones are seldom so comical.


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 08 Sep 05 - 11:57 AM

By Edward Gorey:

The babe, with a cry brief and dismal
Fell into the waters baptismal;
Ere they'd gathered its plight
It had sunk out of sight
For the depth of the font was abysmal.

and

Each night father fills me with dread
As he sits at the foot of my bed
I'd not mind that he speaks
In gibbers and squeaks
But for 17 years he's been dead.

and, a music one:

They had come from the fugue to the stretto
When a bearded young man from the ghetto
Reached forward and grabbed
Her tresses and stabbed
Her to death with a rusty stiletto.


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Flash Company
Date: 09 Sep 05 - 06:48 AM

A young man called Cholmondely Colquohoun
Once kept, as a pet, a Baboquohoun,
His mother said 'Cholmondely,
Do you think that it's colmondely
To feed your Baboquohoun with a spoquohoun?'

It helps if you know the name in line 1 is pronounced 'Chumley Colhoon'

There was a young lady named Gwen
Who just did it now and again,
And again, and agajn,
And again, and again,
And again and again and again!

There was a young man from Darjeelin,
Who got on a bus down in Ealing,
A sign on the door
said 'Don't spit on the floor,
So he lay down and spat on the ceiling!

I'm off to Cornwall for another two weeks now, keep it going whilst I'm away.

FC


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST,bigp
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 08:13 PM

You may have heard these before...........

There was a young man from Hocket,
Who got blasted up in a rocket,
The force of the blast blew his balls up his arse,
And they found his cock in his pocket

There was a young Nun from Nigeria,
Whos morales were rather inferior,
She done to someone what she shouldn't have done,
And now shes a mother superior

There was a young Man from Leeds,
Who swalowed a packet of seeds,
Flowers and grass grew out of his arse,
And around his balls were weeds


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 09:34 PM

What about the one where she offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night long he was on her and off her?


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Midchuck
Date: 14 Sep 05 - 06:49 PM

An incredible fact, although true
Concerning the sage, Lao-Tzu
Is that when questioned how
One attained the Great Tao,
He replied, and in English, "F*** You!"

Peter.


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Lanfranc
Date: 14 Sep 05 - 07:39 PM

Variations on a theme....

Once a lesbian whore from Khartoum
Took a gay Arab up to her room
But they argued all night
About who had the right
To do what, and with which and to whom.

There was a Scots whore from Pitlochry
Who once turned a trick in a rockery
When she found he had come
All over her bum
She cried, "'Tisnae a f**k, it's a mockery!"

A New York hooker called Sandy
Was quite preternaturally randy
She serviced ten cops
And several wops
And a fire hydrant because it was handy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: UncleToad
Date: 15 Sep 05 - 05:41 PM

You 'catters have come up with some real good'uns.

Finish this'un...

Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor doggie a bone

Uncle(Can'tRememberThePunchLine)Toad


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Slim Eric
Date: 16 Sep 05 - 01:16 PM

But when she bent down, the doggie went round,
And gave her a bone of his own!


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Sep 05 - 04:31 PM

there was a man called pete
who liked the smell of womens feet
when his wife found
without a doubt
there was no action under their sheet


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Ron Edwards
Date: 26 Sep 05 - 07:47 PM

there once was a plumber named Lee
who was plumbing his girl by the sea
said the gal to the plumber
I hear some one coming
said the plumber still plumbing Its ME


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Sep 05 - 07:56 PM

getting worse here. That last one was truly hopless.

How come when a limerick thread starts, there are a predictable 9-10 that ALWAYS show up? If YOU have known it for 40 years, chances are everyone else has too.

There are a few nice creative attempts up there...and several that are pretty good and NOT from the list of "25 most repeated limericks of all time"

Let's dig up some like this gem! (and DO attempt to keep the basic limerick meter, perhaps?)


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Sep 05 - 07:59 PM

left out the limerick!

"There was a young fellow named Hyde,
Who fell down a privy and died.
His unfortunate brother,
Fell down another.
And now they're interred side-by-side."


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Sep 05 - 08:02 PM

oh...when I said "that last one", I meant 'guests' contribution...Ron Edward's offering is merely about # 3 on the most quoted of all time...*grin*....It has been translated into several languages, including Latin!


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Mr Red
Date: 27 Sep 05 - 08:01 AM

There was a young man named Morse
Who went for a ride on a donkey
He tripped on a hummock
And fell on his head
And got up and said tut! Tut!

A man from Henly in Arden
Whos wife........................ er perhaps not


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 27 Sep 05 - 02:13 PM

There was a young girl from Aberystwith
Drove her chaff to the mill to make grist with
The miller's son Jack
Laid her flat on her back
And united the organs they pissed with.


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Pseudolus
Date: 27 Sep 05 - 02:21 PM

My all-time favorite which is from another limeric thread but I couldn't find it nor remember who posted it...

There once was a man named McKnight
Whose limericks were never quite right
They's go on just fine
til the very last line
And they they just seemed to fall apart somehow.....


I'm sure I didn't get that word for word but....

Frank


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:25 AM

................................
to travel much faster than light,
He set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.


does anyone know the first line?


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:45 AM

A rocket explorer named Wright
Once traveled much faster than light.
He set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 04:48 PM

refresh til I can come back and read 'em


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Dead Horse
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:22 PM

No


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: Schantieman
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 10:53 AM

A relative lady called Bright....


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Byrhthelm
Date: 20 Oct 05 - 11:58 AM

There was a young man from Japan
Whose poetry never would scan
When they asked him why
He said in reply
It's because I always try and fit as many syllables on the last line as I can.


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: UncleToad
Date: 20 Oct 05 - 09:08 PM

I am glad some good 'catter raised this thread from the abyss...

Great Material!

Uncle(FeelsGoodToLaff)Toad


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Subject: RE: BS: Limericks...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Joe_f
Date: 20 Oct 05 - 09:17 PM

A lady lubricious and lewd

Once stood in a queue in the nude,

And a man down in front

Hollered out "I smell cunt" --

Just like that! Right out loud! Fucking rude!



Now everyone loves a butch guy.

That's a fact that we cannot deny.

But between butch & bitch

Is such a small switch --

Just the difference between U & I.



There was once a young lady named Sue,

Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw,

But one leads to the other,

And now she's a mother.

Let that be a lesson to you.

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: Quotation marks & car horns are warning signals that are used by the vulgar to express their emotions. :||


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