Folklore: Limericks...know any good ones [15]

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: UncleToad
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 11:37 AM

try this'un

There was a young priest from Kent
whose sermons were always hellbent

Uncle(LaughAMinute)Toad

Pray for our way of life...

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 10:12 AM

There was a young lady from Herts,
Who was clever at making jam tarts
Their fame was spread far
From her home (Potters Bar)
When they were blamed for an outbreak of farts

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Slim Eric
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 06:02 AM

alright alright, you have a go.

There was a young lady from Herts,
Who was clever at making jam tarts.

go on, you now you can do it.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: *Laura*
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 07:06 PM

Poverty Knock is written in Limericks.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: Micca
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 07:01 PM

There was an old lady from Paris
who lusted after young Harris
her decaying charm
caused him such alarm
he was last seen running towards Arras

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Slim Eric.
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 07:00 PM

I will finish any limerick you start as long as I don't have to find something to rhyme with the following:
Orange, silver or purple
Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Slim Eric
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 06:57 PM

She stood naked on the street,
Then she fell at his feet,
But only made Harris Embarrassed.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: UncleToad
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 06:35 PM

You 'catters are awesome...

finish this'un...

There was an old lady from Paris
who lusted after young Harris


Uncle(LaffingMyArseOffToad

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Slim Eric
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 04:59 PM

There was a young man from Hunts,
Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham.
Watching the stunts of the c.... in the punts,
And the tricks of the p..... that were f......'em

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST,DB
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 03:59 PM

There was a young Marquis of Avebury,
In the grip of a vice most unsavoury,
With bloodcurdling howls,
He deflowered young owls,
Which he kept in an underground aviary.


This is an example of a 'gothic limerick' - a special sub-category. Anyone know any more?

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 03:51 PM

OK, here goes:

A young maid who was no good at tennis
At swimming was really a menace
She took pains to explain
"It depends how you train:
I was a streetwalker - in Venice."

There was a young man from Quebec
Who was buried in snow to his neck
When they said Are you frizz?
He replied Yes I is!
But we don't call this cold in Quebec.

There was a young man from St. Bees
Who was stung in the arm by a wasp
When they asked Does it hurt
he replied No it doesn't
But I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet!

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Slim Eric
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 12:28 PM

Her breasts were worth holdin,
Her hair it was golden,
And so was her sweet little 'fleece'

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: UncleToad
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 10:51 AM

These are great...

finish this one...

There was a young lady from Nice
who decided to go find her a piece

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: kendall
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 10:37 AM

Peter, you are something else! LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: Midchuck
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 10:16 AM

I think I posted this before...

A gay Irish priest in New Delhi
Had the Lord's Prayer tattooed on his belly.
By the time that a Brahmin
Got down to the "Amen,"
He'd blown both salvation and Kelly.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 04:00 PM

There was a young man from Salisbury,
Whose manners were quite Halisbury Scalisbury.
He would walk around Hampshire,
Without any Pampshire,
Till the Bishop insisted he Walisbury.





Doesn't make much sense until you discover that the shortened version of Salisbury is Sarum and the shortened version of Hampshire is Hants.......


Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: freda underhill
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 09:17 AM

Some Say That Karl Rove Should Apologize
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some say that Karl Rove should apologize,
Cause he slandered the Dems with derisive lies.
Will he yield? I think not.
Cause his speech was a plot
To distract us from failure and war unwise.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: freda underhill
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 09:13 AM

A dentist, young Mr Malone,
Got a strapping young client alone,
And in his depravity
He filled the wrong cavity.
And he drilled her right down to the bone

There was a young women, Loretta
Who wore a merino wool sweater.
Three reasons she had:
To keep warm was not bad,
But the other two reasons were better.***

***Note: The other two reasons were: (1) to support the Australian economy; (2) to shun non-union apparel produced under the appalling sweat-shop work environments found in many other countries.

A nifty young jockey named Morse, eh,
Fell madly in love with his horse, eh.
His wife said, "you rapscallion,
That horse is a stallion.
This constitutes grounds for divorce, eh."

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 08:46 AM

There was a young lady from France
Who found a dead crow in her pants
She wasn't desirous
To contract West Nile Virus
But decided to leave things to chance

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: GUEST,Vince
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 08:40 AM

here's two (almost)...

There once was a man who insisted
that his annkle was sprained and not twisted
he hobbled about
and gave a great shout
when he stepped on a step, but he missed it!

A terrible poet was Jenny
Her limericks weren't worth a penny
In technique they were sound
Though often she found
whenever she tried to write any
she always wrote one line too many

(Sorry, so sorry...)


Vince

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 08:39 AM

Doot doot doobie doo, a do wop wop
Scoot scoot scoobie doo, a be bop bop
a fiddle dee dee
a diddle ee dee
Scootle opp a be bop wah!

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: kendall
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 07:51 AM

My fAvorite is still:

A mathmetician named Hall
Had a hexehedronical ball.
The cube of its weight
Plus his pecker, times eight
Was four fifths of five eights of fuck all.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: Leadfingers
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 06:45 AM

Uncle Toad - IF you put 'Limericks' in the search box you will find several threads about 'em . Including a few that I posted , back in the good old days !

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: Lanfranc
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 05:35 AM

Once Titian, while mixing rose madder,
Saw his model girl pose on a ladder.
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder and 'ad 'er!

A young American seeking romance
Took his girl on a date to a dance
As she twirled in his arms
Her perfume and her charms
Caused a damp patch to form on his trousers.

Subject: RE: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: Micca
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 04:59 AM

There was a young lady from France
who never wore any pants
So the cold seaside wind
revealed her rear end
when she went on a day trip to Nantes

Subject: BS: Limerics...know any good ones
From: UncleToad
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 08:12 PM

Hello all 'catters...I wish to compile some funny limerics and my first thought was (of course) the 'catters...a most diverse lot of critters.

There was a young lady from France
who never wore any pants

how 'bout the rest.

Thank you kindly, Uncle(NeedToLaughMyArseOff)Toad

AND keep wishing this old world the best.