BS: koala pets

Subject: BS: koala pets
From: GUEST,rarelamb
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 12:21 PM

Let's assume it wasn't illegal and there were a bajagodhumongozillion of the them in the wild.

Would a Koala Bear make a good pet?

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Charmion
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 12:34 PM

No: they're fierce little beasts (note the claws) that live on a diet high in eucalyptus leaves. Unless your wardrobe is high in Kevlar, and your property includes a large grove of eucalyptus, forget it.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: pdq
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 12:39 PM

And they smell bad.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: GUEST,rarelamb
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 12:55 PM

you could give them a bath. Are they really aggressive? Couldn't you breed friendly Koala bears?

They are so furry and cuddly looking!!! I mean who wouldn't want a Koala for a pet.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: pdq
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:03 PM

Their piss concentrates the chemicals in the Eucalyptus leaves. They piss on everything, especially the fool who tries to pick one up. The bath idea doesn't really have much to do with the problem.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: GUEST,rarelamb
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:05 PM

diapers?

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: pdq
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:07 PM

They look great in pictures. So cute.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: GUEST,rarelambe
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:08 PM

Maybe you could train them to go in a litter box like a cat? Or house train?

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: pdq
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:10 PM

Sorry. They are dumber than Al Gore and Steve Earle combined!

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Charmion
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:12 PM

Assuming that you're ready to risk those claws, bathing, diapers etc. might possibly counter the hygiene problem. But do you have a large grove of eucalyptus on your property? And are you prepared to dress in Kevlar?

Grizzlies look cuddly, too, from a safe distance.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:13 PM

Presidential material then obviously!
G..

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: GUEST,rarelamb
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:40 PM

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Koala_Bears

Koala Bears
From Uncyclopedia

The koala is a small bear-like animal which lives in most parts of Australia, as well as some other parts of the world (I think). A small fraction of the thousands of koalas spend their lives sitting at the tops of tall trees in bushland sleeping or eating gumnuts. But most koalas are incredibly aggressive and will attack any unfortunate person who happens to get in their way.

Koalas have been known to hide in the tops of trees in bushland, then jump down when they see hikers passing by, landing on top of them and ripping their brains out.

This year alone 90 hikers have been killed by koalas. Last year, in 2004, 220 people in total were killed. 180 were killed in 2003. Now in 2005 the death rate has at least tripled in Austrailia as well as in china and parts of New Mexico. Those stupid bastard need to be caught.

It has been advised by the Australian government that all hikers should carry a semi-automatic rifle or a similar projectile-firing device when hiking in bushland. But this idea may not nessicarily be better.

A few months ago, a large group of about fifteen koalas attacked a group of five hikers who were hiking in the bushland of Western Australia. The hikers had two shotguns between them. The koalas killed all of the hikers, then stole their guns.

A few months later, the same koalas used the two shotguns to rob a bank in the city of Perth in Western Australia, near where the koalas had killed the hikers. They stole about $100 million Australian dollars. The koalas escaped before police arrived and were never found again.


WOW!!!! Those are some fierce marsupials!

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: pdq
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:41 PM

If you must have one, how about stuffed?

You could even change its leaves daily.

They don't move much anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:42 PM

"we really like panda and we no like koala killing panda" a local chinese person said. "the othea day i see panda running with koalas all over back" he stated, "at first me want to help panda but i know koala do much harm to me." This local has asked to remain anonomous but we don't care his name is Chung Wangeater.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: GUEST,rarelamb
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:45 PM

Wow did you know:

"SOME INTERESTING KOALA FACTS:

    * The attacks on the world trade centre towers on September the 11th, 2001 may have been organised and carried out by koalas. When the black box was collected from one of the crashed planes, a strange chattering was heard on the radio. This may have been a koala.

    * The leader of the Al-Quaeda terrorist group, which organized the September 11 attacks may not be Osama Bin Laden. Osama Bin Laden may just be the second in command of Al-Quaeda. The main leader of Al-Quaeda may actually be a koala. Some other members of Al-Quaeda may be koalas as well. In fact, some people suggest that Osama Bin Laden, as well as everyone else in Al-Quaeda, may be koalas.

    * Saddam Hussein, the dictator of Iraq may actually be the vice-dictator. The main dictator may actually be a koala. It is also said that Saddam and either many or all of the members of the Iraqi government and military may actually be koalas in discuise. This has been proven. When a US Marine Corps unit was fighting against a larger force of Iraqi soldiers, they heard a strange chattering from some of the men - which wasn't Iraqi language. It may have actually been koala language. Only one man of the unit of five Marines escaped alive. He said what had happened, but died in hospital a week after he came back alive.

    * President George W. Bush, one of the main people who is trying to stop the koala attacks may be a koala himself. So may a number of people from the US government and military. People from the British and Australian governments may also be koalas, including John Howard, the Prime Minister of Australia and Tony Blair, the Prime Minister of England.

    * Koalas may have planned and carried out the recent bombings of London underground train stations and buses. They may also be planning a large-scale attack on Washington. "


I never knew they were that diabolical.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: pdq
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 01:49 PM

You can probably tell if someone is really a koala my smelling his piss.

Is George W. Bush one?

Maybe you can ask someone who knows, like Al Gore.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 02:15 PM

Their noses look like they are made out of cheap car upholstery.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 02:36 PM

Coca Koala
G..

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Joybell
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 05:48 PM

You have Koala change rooms in America don't you. I saw them. Makes more sense to want to change a baby Koala. If you kept trading them in for smaller models you'd be right. Not so much fun when they grow up. Of course that goes for human babies too.

Baby Koalas make wonderful fashion accesories. They just cling to your thick jumper. Not too good at tricks but sure cute and interesting looking. Cheers Joy

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Helen
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 10:33 PM

rarelamb, thanks for the warning about the dangerous Dropbears.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: freda underhill
Date: 07 Oct 05 - 11:45 PM

:-) !!

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Oct 05 - 08:42 AM

I went to the Gold Coast Bird Sanctuary some years a go - they had some koalas there. Most of them had collars on. They were used to give an electrical jolt so that some of the lazy (well drug besotted actually) little bastards were awake when the tourists came by. They are so well fed that they are too lazy to drop on them otherwise.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Oct 05 - 09:14 AM

I kept using those baby changing things... always got the same baby back though....

I'll get me koala.

LTS

Incidentally, when I was younger, I was given a toy koala, made of kangaroo skin... how ironic!

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Oct 05 - 08:53 PM

I would much rather have a wombat!

And no, it doesn't stand for "waste of money, brains and time".

The wombat is the koala's cousin and is much more intelligent.

Koalas are so silly they fall asleep while sitting in trees!

Wombats at least have the sense to dig themselves a burrow where they can ride out the weather (hot or cold) while planning to take over the world. And they will too. Mark my words.

Cheers
JennieG....Wombat Collector Extraordinaire

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Oct 05 - 11:06 PM

you can't say they're not useful - some years back one piddled on the politician holding it.

Shame it didn't shit cos everyone is always trying to put shit on politicians cos they deserve it. Shame it wasn't an elephant, but ya don't find elephants in Koala parks.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: frogprince
Date: 08 Oct 05 - 11:31 PM

Wonder which is dumber, a koala or an armadillo; had my first live encounter with an armadillo last March, in a state park in Florida.
We did everything but step on it, and it just waddled along digging for bugs, sand crabs, or whatever with it's snout. I finally poked it enough to get it to look up at me for just a moment. At least the armadillo seemed to be one of the most benign little things alive. Apart from the Uncyclopedia, do Koalas really have any tendency to do any damage beyond making stinky messes?

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Helen
Date: 09 Oct 05 - 02:17 AM

frogprince, are you questioning the info about dangerous koalas? Don't you believe in Dropbears?

:-)

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 09 Oct 05 - 04:13 AM

Koalas have very big tough claws that they stick into trees to get a grip to climb. The human exterior tegument is a lot softer. I learned this in a koala park when I was about 5.

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 09 Oct 05 - 08:07 AM

dropbears illustrated

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: Joybell
Date: 09 Oct 05 - 06:27 PM

Yes, Liz, they used to make all the furry native animal toys out of Kangaroo skin. I always noticed that too.

We were visiting the Aussie animal santuary East of Melbourne when Dave Van Ronk told us the story about the Koalas at the New York zoo. He said that for many years their male Koala had been quite keen to impregnate his lady-love Koala. The staff were also very keen about this possibility being as how people just adore little bitty baby Kolas clinging to Mommy Koala's backs. It would be good for publicity.
The Koalas had several tallish Eucalypts in their enclosure. Male Koala would spot his true-love sitting in the top of the tree next to him and slowly and carefully climb down his tree and up her tree. By the time he he got to the top, she would have calmly leaped the short distance into another tree-top. Whereupon he would stare across the small gap between them, give a loud, sad sigh and climb down again and up the tree she was now in. The same thing happened and went on happening all day.
Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: koala pets
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Oct 05 - 07:12 PM

Sounds just like my love-life for my first 30 years...