What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.

Subject: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:00 AM

I'm just curious...

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Peter T.
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:05 AM

whole body condoms, with those twist ties at the top, for people who find all parts of the female anatomy erotic.

Yours muffled, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:08 AM

Art..

How are ya?

Is it just me or are not many of the current threads boring everyone to tears. I've just replied to one... somewhat cynically..., It's asking where they're from? Who cares? Get a life. (Not You Art}

Bill

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:24 AM

This is getting to be a little ridiculous and certainly not in good taste. This is definitely not an appropriate forum to this kind of thread. Clean up your act Art. You can be offensive and way out of line. I realize that people don't have to click on a thread but if we want to encourage young people to Mudcat and enjoy folk then this ought to be a site that parents don't have to worry about. I hope we don't need to start censoring thread titles. Let's stick to the folk topics. The threads on where people live and what they do are interesting and appropriate but this one is definitely not necessary.

Annoyed

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:25 AM

Bill,

That's precisely why I started this stupid thread!

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:30 AM

Yes, anon., you're right!! This ought to be what toothpaste do we use.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:31 AM

Dear Annoyed,

Brother Art made a wholly appropriate thread for a folk music site. One of the most important of the folk genres is the one where a statement is made about how a society has lost its collective good sense. Brother Thieme has just pointed out that our online society seems to have lost its focus lately. And as one who has been participating in the loss of focus, he brought me back to center. Check out the threads in the last two weeks or so and it seems to focus more on online curiousity than music and the issues that spawn it. Now, I view you all as friends and acquaintances, hence I have been playing along. But I must admit to wondering where the music discussion had gone to.

Good job, Brother Thieme.

Mick Lane

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:33 AM

aRT

i'M DYING TO HEAR YOUR RESPONSE TO A NEW THRED I'VE STARTED. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TELLYOU WHICH ONE IT IS

bILL

tOO TIRED TO CHANGE CASE ON COMPUTER...........

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:39 AM

g'dAY mICK

pLEASE TELL ME WHO IS THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTOR TO FOLK MUSIC IN THIS CENTURY ON ANOTHER THREAD I'VE STARTED

tHANKS

bILL

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:42 AM

I am sorry for my insensitivity. But the point I intended was pretty much made.

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Kris
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:47 AM

Mick - re online curiosity : Don't tell me.. Curiosity killed the 'cat. Hope not :)

Kris (I know, I am one of the sinners, I can't help it. As a penance I am wracking my brains for an idea for a truly music-oriented thread)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:56 AM

OK guys...

I'm off to bed here in australia.

Drop this tongue in cheek thread and leave it to annoyed.

Who is the most significant contributor to folk this century????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

G'Night Art.

Bill

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: The Shambles
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 12:23 PM

Can we please stick to the point of encouraging people to post whatever they like.

If you don't like the subject just ignore it and the thread will quickly die. I would like to think that no one here. is, or considers themselves to be more important than anyone else.

I for one mind less about threads here asking personal questions than ones that reduce the forum to the level of some of the newsgroups.

I am a little annoyed too.

P.S I use that toothpaste with the stripe in it.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Peter T.
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 02:29 PM

Oh, cheer up, its a joke! (I was originally going to say a capo, but changed my mind) -- sure the threads are getting a bit narcissistic, but people are snowed in, their credit cards are over the limit, and they have not made the list of the most influentialpeople in the millenium. Don't click if you don't want to play, as the actress said to the bishop.

Note the name of the master of this thread, and be warned!

Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Allan S.
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 02:42 PM

Whats a condom :-} TOthe person above Who said What kind of Capo do we use? Isnt Capo Franch slang for a Condom???

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Joe Offer
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 02:58 PM

I dunno, Allan. You try a capo instead of a condom, and tell us how well it works. OUCH!!!
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Max
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 03:25 PM

I use trojan ribbed. I find this a perfectly acceptable conversation. To think that condoms is a dirty idea that kids should not be exposed to is a terrible attitude. My daughter was born in my wife and my senior year of High School. We are a teenage pregnancy. As a parent now, I beleive you should be able to talk about a condom with a straight face, comfortably and not as a dirty idea. You should be able to keep them on your night stand instead of your sock drawer. Your kids should be able to talk to you about it. We cannot deny the amount of sex in our society, the casual attitude towards it today, and the inevitable desire for it. To avoid talking about condoms is to pretend that sex does not exist or cannot hurt a person and a family. A condom is a good thing, and I will always deal with a condom as easily as I deal with a toothbrush, or a comb. Is it appropriate in the threads? Yes, it is life, folk is life, music and frieds and life is what this is all about. Sorry to the annoyed, but I don't see anything wrong with it here. Especially with such fine, open minded people that are the Mudcat.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 04:00 PM

Folkmusic not much fun any longer? Can't do the "Game of All Fours" in C above High C anymore?

Maybe it's because you just put the first scratch in that Martin D-28 you told us about on the "What Kind of Guitar Do You Play" thread in November. Maybe it's because you used those extra heavy strings you read about on the "What Kind of Strings Do You Use" thread and your 1964 Vega Pete Seeger long neck folded up like Myron Florin's accordion. Maybe it's because you're a 42 year-old diagnostic computer pathologist for a non-profit internet marketing firm making $535,000 a year but you work 26 hours a day and plug into Mudcat on your coffee breaks.

What are you gonna do? Trade in all your nGhardaraha na Ceoltori a Brachandurandandra CDs for Dr B and Da Bad Noose house-rap fusion discs? Not a chance!

Pull yourself out from underneath that snowbank (applies to North Americans living above a line stretched between San Francisco and New York and Brits living North of Spaghetti Junction), wipe that Ultimate 40 Suncreen off your sweaty red nose (applies to Australians currently not holidaymaking in the Blue Mountains) and sign up for Uncle Art's Family Folk Music and Condom Camp (location to be determined by on-line thread).

To secure your place, send $50 (American, Australian, Canadian or Euros accepted) to Art Thieme, c/o Walgreen's Drug Store, Port Authority Bus Terminal, New York, NY, USA. Please include 2 dozen new condoms (of your favorite brand). Art will personally test (possibly with another person) the integrity of each of these sheaths and report on his findings at the "Hi, my Mudcat user name is....?" cocktail party on the first night.

Important: HTML literacy is mandatory for attendance.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Barbara
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 04:31 PM

BIG RUBBER CONDOM
tune(If you wear a red rose)
Helen Thomas(?)
If you wear a condom, a big rubber condom
then I'll wear a great big smile,
Get out that gutta-percha,
It ain't gonna hurt ya,
And stretch it for a mile
(......)
So get out that condom, a big rubber condom,
Come on and make my day
Put on that condom, that big rubber condom,
And we'll go for a roll in the hay!
(all I can remember)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: bbc
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 04:43 PM

Good for you, Max! If we're going to have sex, let's do it responsibly.

bbc

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 04:51 PM

I agree with Max. It sure is a folk topic. There are plenty of jokes and folk tales about condoms and there is at least a handfull of songs about them.
Personally I thought the thread was hilarious and wasn't the least bit surprised to see that Art had started it.
So Annoyed, put your smile back on and search for condom in DT.

As a matter of interest, I wonder how many folksongs there are that can be attributed to someone not using a condom. Songs like 'Blow the candle out', 'The Nutting song' etc..

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 06:16 PM

G'day,
I sometimes wear a capo, but only when I want to practise safe music.

Cheers,
Alan

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 06:18 PM

I've read that before rubber, sheep's intestines were used with a string tied around the end. The article didn't say which end.

Cheers,
Alan

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 06:36 PM

If you haven't yet seen one of the marvels of the DT - The Ancient And Old Irish Condom - please check it out. Just noticed that it has a tune. I've only ever heard it recited.

Maybe Joe can do his fancy stuff with the HTML to link the above song. Thanks Joe.

Regards
John

Yer welcome, John. -Joe-

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Allan S.
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 08:31 PM

Lighten up guys and gals I taught Biology and put in 2 years in the medical corps and saw some interesting infections. that could have been prevented by the use of a condom. while nothing is 100% safe at least most infections can be prevented. THere is some discussion that a virus can pass through latex. THe Sheep cecum [like the addendix] will allow the AIDS virus to pass. THe y are still on the market. I think the brand was 4X As to the joke An american whoes wife has just died goes in to morning and goes in to a store asking for a Capo Nueff meaning a black hat THe french owner thinking of the slang term for condom asks why THe american explains why and the answer is "Ah you Americans so sentimental" Oh well I will put a condom on my Martin If it must be near other Guitars

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 10:47 PM

I use True North Polar Bear Specials, rated for 45 below.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 10:56 PM

"condom-minimum"

....so there was this condom factory in Texas, and when Alaska was admitted to the Union, some Alaskans, who wanted to rub it in about now being the largest of the United States, placed an order for 12 gross of condoms..all to be 10 inches long!

The production manager went to the president of the firm and asked.."So, what do we DO with this order?"....The president thought for a minute and said...."Fill it....mark 'em 'medium'"

sure..those items are one aspect of our folklore..and I know several more jokes..but I suspect they are already on a hundred joke sites...

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: rich r
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:15 PM

This all reminds me of the line in the Tom Paxton song :

Condoms for sale! Condoms to buy!
Yuppies in the sky.

rich r

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Jenny
Date: 11 Jan 99 - 11:38 PM

I understand why this thread was started, but Max makes an excellent point. A forum is a group of individuals discussing a common thread. Not every thread is going to be for every person. My thinking is that if a thread doesn't interest one, don't go there. With cyber communications, most often we never see those with whom we are communicating; it's natural to want to know a bit more about one another. There has been a generality of feeling towards folk music mavens for many, many years. The generality is that we turn up our noses at anything that does not relate directly to traditional music, acoustic music, etc., i.e., we are folk music snobs. I know that isn't true, but some of the people visiting the Mudcat site may not. So ... if the threads wander off the the subject of playing/singing folk music, so be it. After all that business with gargoyle, I have been reluctant to do anything more than lurk in the forum and maybe a few others are feeling likewise, which would account for some of the more lighthearted threads. And, Max, the message you sent has to be taken seriously ... thanks for your candor. jenny

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: gargoyle
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 12:04 AM

Being a "traditionalist" I prefer "Lambskins." Yes, they ARE from sheep intestions; they are commercially available at the local stores. If your concerns are mearly contraception and not "desease preventrion" they are tops....and they are reusable after washing.

From Junior High Days comes this ditty:

In days of old, when knights were bold,
And rubbers wern't invented
They tied a sock, around their cock
And babies were prevented.

Somehow I get an uneasy feeling that the Mudcat is being used for a college senior's demographic study in "Social Ecoology." Next questions will be dealing with "toothpaste," "detergents," and lengths of anotomical appendiges.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 01:02 AM

G'day, Hey Bill D, You don't get condoms from a factory, you get 'em from a mine. Hence the song "On The Banks Of The Condom Mine".

Why do they have Roman numerals on the Paris town hall clock? ..... They couldn't use French letters could they.

Cheers, Alan

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: The Shambles
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 03:44 AM

Of course condoms are O.K. to talk about, here or anywhere else, but they are a bit limited as a musical instrument, all I ever seem to get out of them is one loud percussive bang!

As we all know this thread was not started for the purpose of dicussing condoms but to make a point, it was made and with some humour but can we move on now?

Jenny said some good things and surely we all want eveyone here to feel that they can un-lurk and contribute. If they don't then I suggest that they are in the wrong place. We have to work hard towards a situation where people can feel free to do that, without all that tiresome stuff about if the subject is offline or discussed two years ago or anything else.

Reply to the thread, don't question the poster right to say it. To my mind The Mudcat is an inclusive 'club', without any stated rules that I am aware of and that is why I like it, if it ever becomes a place for the self-chosen few, I for one will not be there.

If you don't like the subject don't contribute, it is as easy as that. The posts about where, why and what we do, were and continue to be well supported (but from now on a little bit more inhibited) and that says it all.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Joe Offer
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 04:17 AM

Shambles, you gotta work on your technique. A condom works great as the string on my mini gut-bucket. Stretch it right, and it changes tune better than a rubber band. Of course, if we had three or four, we could really have a "rubber" band.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 04:20 AM

Alan in Australia had an interesting point. I understand that sheeps' intestines are still popular, but while they're still in the sheep.

Steve

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 04:31 AM

Joe, After reading some of the earlier comments on this thread, I think that should be "Rubber Banned." catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Kris
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 04:50 AM

Shambles makes yet another good point! I sometimes get the impression that once there has been a thread on a given subject it is kind of a faux pas to bring the subject up again. But with new people coming along all the time we probably shouldn't worry about it too much. Same subjects may throw up new viewpoints anyway. So - how about digging in your memories and re-visiting some golden oldie subjects, just to counter-balance the lighter-hearted threads.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Joe Offer
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 05:13 AM

Hi, Kris - it's certainly just grand to bring a subject up again and again at the 'Cat. HOWEVER, it's far better to revive the old thread and continue the previous discussion, rather than starting a new thread and scattering the information all over. That way, we build a body of information, rather than repeating what has been said before. Go to the Forum Menu and try a Forum Search ( or click here), and see if there's even been a thread on the subject. If you post a new message to that thread, it will bring the whole thread to the top of the menu.
You can use the Filter on the Forum Menu to do a quick search for names of threads posted within the last year - if you want all the threads for the past year, leave the filter box blank and set the "age" for 365 days (or however long, up to a year)- be prepared to wait, because the list of a year's threads is long. You will see that some thread titles repeat over and over again, so information about certain subjects is scattered all over or hidden in threads with generic titles like "lyrics request" - THAT'S what we're trying to avoid.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Mo
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 07:44 AM

Shambles - this "loud percussive bang" of yours - is it accompanied by shouts of "yes! yes!!YEEEEEEESSSSSSS!" by any chance?! Don't knock it - there are many men out there who would kill for this effect. And women too, ooh, be-lieve me! The neighbours are generally less keen on this kind of music though.......! Gives a whole new meaning to Rise Up Singing!! Sorry, sorry sorry!!

Mo

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 08:32 AM

I just love this place. See "Annoyed" how appropriate the thread is. We have come to a very good place. This thread has shown that Joe's programming (remember that he is not really human)includes a humor file. I laughed out loud. And Shambles, you are right on the mark. Sometimes I get crabby, I guess we all do, but the last thing I would want is to have us become folk snobs. This thread reminds me to be helpful and not preachy.

And Shambles, you know we are friends, and as a friend I am asking you to teach me to play that condom. I don't care what the hourly rate is!!!! Based on the reaction you got from Mo, I must add this instrument to my arsenal. ***LOL***

Mick

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 09:19 AM

Joe,

I knew this guy who had a rubber drum.
...But he couldn't find a rubber band to play it in.

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Philippa
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 09:19 AM

I heard a story about a young man who who was seen coming out of the shopping centre with some dozen multi-packs of Durex (condoms). "You must have a heavy date tonight, Mick", said his friend. "Uh, well, it's like this," Mick admitted 'sheepishly', "I was going to buy a Daniel O'Donnell album, but every time I went up to the counter, I was too embarassed to ask."

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Sheye
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 11:18 AM

It's amazing how we walk criss-cross and wander through so many different ideas. We force each other to explore to thoughts, some of which are outside our comfort zone. One day when we are old or dead, there will be some amazing traditional songs that will have been borne from the cosmos of the 'cat.

Hey Peter, Ya remember our go-rounds from a year plus ago, about some folks wanting to specify thread topics? Exactly right, "don't click..."

Gargoyle, somehow I just can't see myself washing out condoms. Would they go in with the whites? Do they survive the spin cycle? (smiley emoticon thingy)

Art, to answer the question posted, in my best Mae West lure, it ain't so much what the picture of the box looks like, honey, it's what it's filled with that counts.

(I hope all those uncomfortable with this topic have left by now, they may consider me being across the line...)

Peace be with you (or maybe piece???), Sheye

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 11:54 AM

While we're on the subject does anyone have the words to Barry Rabin's song about 'a Roller in a Condom Factory'?

Shey, re: it's what it's filled with that counts. Remember 'size doesn't matter'.

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Barbara
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 12:29 PM

Geez, Bert, talk about flogging a dead.., oh never mind... does this mean youre going to post a link to your song again?

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Allan S.
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 01:41 PM

As long as were discussing size this should put an end to it . there was a man from dan damiter, whoes organ was of enormous diamater, it wasn't the size that brought tears to their eyes but his rhythim Iambic pentamiter

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 01:43 PM

To anyone else who doesn't like the various Mudcat "surveys":

Does this mean Curiousity DOES kill the "Cat"?

To everyone else who's having fun with this one:

I once sold condoms which came in individual matchbook covers to a band in Boston called "Skin". Great advertising packet to hand out at concerts. This was at the height of the AIDS scare, so it was also very PC & "enlightened", besides being a LOT of fun!

Keep it Light and Easy! kat

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: mike cahill
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 02:36 PM

to john in Brisbane, the tune that is sung to (round here at least) is "Rosin the Bow".

There is a condom factory in South Kirkby in Yorkshire England that makes a condom that it sells under the brand name of "JIFFY" and yes the advert suggests that you "come in a JIFFY" (well it's funny in england)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Peter T.
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 03:52 PM

Dear Sheye, I am shocked to find you at this disgusting site, but glad to see your voice (?) again. Of course I remember the old days, back ages ago, when threads were threads, not these jumped-up, new-fangled things. It takes me back....

Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 04:10 PM

Barbara,

I knew that would get your attention:-)

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: tina
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 07:13 PM

Well, I can't comment on condoms, but if ya want to talk about dental dams....

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Banjeray
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 07:47 PM

Wow!!! Leave for a few days and see what I missed...It appears most all the puns have been spun, so not much left to say except good to see that we can still have fun occassionaly. I'm with the side that says open expression and discussion of whatever the subject, toothpaste, condoms, Aunt Mables home recipes, or anything is healthy. It helps bind whatever community one considers themself a part of.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 09:48 PM

When I was a kid we'd fill a condom with water (not to wash out a used one) and they'd expand and expand and expand and expand until the whole sink was filled with the totally unwieldy HUGE mass of water! It took four of us to grapple with it and get it to the edge of the roof of the 15 story building where I grew up in Chicago. We'd wait intil the guy we wanted to "get" was standing and waiting for the Sheridan Road 151 CTA bus and then we'd let the thing go!! When it did hit the ground (or the guy or whatever) it soaked everything from there to Lake Michigan.

Ah, nostagia!

So which are the best brand for this wonderful passtime?

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Mo
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 10:15 PM

Well, I can't say I've tried it with condoms - but when I was a student several of the guys in my Halls of Residence discovered the joys of filling a plastic supermarket carrier bag full of water and dropping out of the fifth floor window.... it exploded right outside mine, and I thought a bomb had gone off! Put me right off me D H Lawrence I can tell you.....

Mind you, if I was going to do this with a condom, it seems likely that the extra-strong nuthin's-gettin'-through-this-sucker variety would be a better candidate. it doesn't seem the time for the "extra-sensitive" type! I wonder if you can do it with a femidom? Don't think they're as stretchy though... Do you have them stateside? Mo

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: alison
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 10:56 PM

Thanks to Max and his mention of Trojan ...... I can now have a better go at trying to understand the lyrics of "Little Red Corvette."

I don't think Femidons are stretchy. (It's been a long time since I've had to "demonstrate" them to a patient...)

But latex gloves make good water bombs!!

Slainte

alison

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Craig
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 11:02 PM

I might as well fess up. I work for a company called APPLIED MEMBRANES. We do testing in our store rooms.

Would this face ;^} lie to you?

Craig

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: gargoyle
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 11:18 PM

Despite my love of, dead cat, and gutteral-pig-sound-songs...(or perhaps because of my love of the same) and considering myself somewhat of a "prude" this thread was entered with hesitation and trepidation. However, the nobelist intents to keep the thread's course within the bounds of the "Mudcat Mission" and the "Thread Topic" have elicited the some vocal bursts of hilarity (as a very somber person)that I have sledom experienced in many years of "netting." There are some "classics" here...but Kirs "this may throw up new veiw points" expresses it well.

It is with regret that I morn the, hopfully, transitory/momentary, departure of my dearest, most honorable, gracious, kind and benevolent Mr. B.Seed since this is precisely the type of thread he would have relished.

In the interest of a lyrical tradition:

An old man using a condom
Found he could never get a good bone.
But with a rubber band
It grew simply grand
Now his wife cannot leave it alone.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 12 Jan 99 - 11:28 PM

Condoms? Don't need 'em. I'm a musician. I got rhythm!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Barbara
Date: 13 Jan 99 - 12:53 AM

It is my qualified opinion that whatever brand of condom your dad keeps in his sock drawer is the best kind to drop off the fourth floor fire escape on the kid from the other clique. Proximity to concrete and or rosebushes helps immensely.
Blessings,
Barbara, whose first exposure to a condom was when a water filled one came bouncing merrily down the chapel steps as I was ascending on my way to choir practice (10th grade).

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Jan 99 - 01:56 AM

Tina:

I was wondering if anyone was going to mention dental dams!

katlaughing

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Peter T.
Date: 13 Jan 99 - 01:53 PM

It is worth pointing out that this thread has probably the fastest rising contribution rate in the history of the Mudcat. 60 since the 11 of Jan is a record I think. There are others that are larger (over the 100 mark, but they came slower). The Princess Diana thread was pretty fast, but I don't think it competes. I think that is enough social science pornography for one paragraph.

Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: MoMo
Date: 13 Jan 99 - 08:48 PM

Well, yeah, in an ideal world, any mention of condoms WILL elicit a "fast-rising response".....!!!

Mo

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bill DBill D
Date: 13 Jan 99 - 08:52 PM

It does make me think twice about starting a tongue-in-cheek thread!

One of the reasons I hang out with folkies, and why I majored in Philosophy, is that both groups tend to be interested in and knowlegable about, anything & everything! Folk music, however you view it, does tend to be about what 'folk' do everyday, and thus we have songs about dead cats, baling hay, sailing ships, and...yes...condoms. And it is a fact that the 'saltier' topics and songs have always gotten a lot of attention...jokes and songs are a LOT easier way to approach such topics than are moral diatribes and dry scholarship!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: McMusicMcMusic
Date: 13 Jan 99 - 11:17 PM

I use a pre-1880's sewage drain pipe. Not too snug, but it's a devil to handle. But it's all I could find!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Duane D.Duane D.
Date: 13 Jan 99 - 11:23 PM

Let's keep this thread running perpetually for all the new folks who keep coming along.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: BarbaraBarbara
Date: 13 Jan 99 - 11:43 PM

Just poke a little hole in the end with a pin, hey Duane, and the thread will keep propagating?

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: AnaAna
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 02:56 AM

NZ has a troupe of female entertainers(singers/actors) called "hens teeth". One of their cocktail pieces is a cooking demonstration (versatile as they are!) The ingredients of course are mixed in the intimate arena of the stage - flour,sugar,baking powder,milk and currants. The icky substance is then carefully inserted into ....a condom, and popped into the onstage microwave. The substance then,somewhat deliciously and magically grows (and whooee! grows) into that well known and much loved English Pudding "spotted dick". It is then of course passed amongst the audience so all can have a wee nibble. Sorry-dont know what brand th

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: AnaAna
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 03:23 AM

howdidthathappenhappenappenppenpenennnnnnn

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: The ShamblesThe Shambles
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 03:44 AM

Ana Ana

Max Max is is going going to to fix it fix it.

But I do like the look of Mo Mo though. yyyyyeeeesssss!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: The SingularJoe Offer
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 03:18 PM

Say, AnaAna, I suppose you were asking about the doubling of your name, but I'm wondering how the end of your message got cut off. Most of us don't have any trouble with that - the only one it sees to happen to is Dick Greenhaus. I thought it was his accent, or something...
-Joe, who ponders technical things-

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: --seed
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 03:51 PM

Gargoyle: So sorry to have to give you the news. I'm not deceased, but my monitor is diseased (note spelling) and I can't use my computer at home until it is cured, so I haven't been able to visit much lately, and mostly I've been using my minimal time online lurking. Anyway, the rumors of my passing have been somewhat exaggerated. --sees

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Mo
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 05:19 PM

MoMo - is now a no no it seems - however - the lyrics may have gone, but the melody carries on.... ohhhhh yesssss..... Ahhhhhhhh.....! Mo

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: harpgirl
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 06:19 PM

Very encouraged to hear so many Mudcatters use condoms. Remember saran wrap works in case of emergency. Keep it up!!!! (grin) harpgirl

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Jack Hickman
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 08:02 PM

It seems that MudCat is a fount of all knowledge, so lI have a serious question. What the hell is a dental dam? I like to think I am fairly worldly, and have had a reasonable amount of experience in things sexual, but how did teeth enter into this subject.

If the answer is too sensitive, let me know in this thread and I will give you my e-mail address.

Jack

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: McMusic
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 10:03 PM

Takes a whole lot of saran wrap to fit around a drain pipe.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Joe Offer
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 10:11 PM

Click here, and you shall know, Jack. Apparently Monica didn't. Neither did I. Click here for a wider selection.
Well, I thought I understood from the two previous sites, but I guess I didn't. Click here for the whole story. I guess we really should know about such things.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Don Meixner
Date: 14 Jan 99 - 11:51 PM

Back in my boatyard days I had a friend who work in the Merchant Marine during the second world war. He survived being torpedoed during one passage and was a veteran of the Murmansk run. He used to tell a story of off-loading a crate of condoms at Murmansk for the Russian Red Cross.( or some variation there of) Before the crate was swung out of the hold the Cargo chief had a deckape stencil "Small Only" on the crate. Jack said in a very short time the instances of Russian women dating American Navy and Merchant sailors increased greatly.

Don Meixner

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 12:10 AM

lordy..thought I'd seen it all when I worked in an adult bookstore and had to sell edible underwear!...but DENTAL DAMS??

I have a 6mil sheet of polypropalene sheeting...10' by 20' feet, guess I'm set for life!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: campfire
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 03:20 AM

I guess I'm way behind....I thought a dental dam was what the dentist put over the rest of my teeth when I had a root canal done. Honest!

And, Joe, is this also where you find that occasional experience that is better than singing? ;-)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: bbc
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 08:56 AM

To Joe: My sense of wonderment grows! Want information--click on Joe's links! Brings to mind a new subheading for the site: "The Mudcat--it ain't just music!" I worked for a dentist in the past & I thought I knew what a dental dam was. Silly me!

bbc

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 09:38 AM

Those dental dam links are a real education. I didn't know such things existed!!! It just seems a bit like wrapping it in clingfilm. And once its shrink-wrapped do you have to put a sell-by date on it?

Kris

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 10:51 AM

I am truly amazed at what I started here.

Like Richard Nixon said: I'll take all of the credit, and none of the blame!

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 01:01 PM

yep..Art..I had half a notion to start a tongue-in-cheek thread about "favotite Druid Madrigals" but I expect that this bunch would expound for 100 posts about why there are none and what the nearest equivilent is...

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 01:14 PM

I'll betcha most of us didn't know what a dental dam is - but I'll bet our kids know. Get yerself on that there Internet, old codger - it's the only way you'll be able to understand your kids.
My kids are in their twenties now, and I do ask them about some stuff I don't understand. They seem quite pleased to be able to help out their old man. But I'm not going to ask them about THAT.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: Lyr Add: FIRST JOHNNY (Frank McGrath)
From: Frank McGrath
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 10:29 PM

Art - You will have to answer to a vengeful and bitter God for starting this thread.

I tried, manfully, to resist the temptations of the "Condom" thread - but failed. To say that condoms are close to my heart is incorrect both in the physical and emotional sense but they have had a very memorable and traumatic effect on my life.

You see, contraceptives were illegal in Ireland for many years and it was only in the first flush of my manhood that condoms became available - but only through a chemist shop. That's not very long ago either, eighteen years ago or thereabouts. So there was childish embarrassment about the purchase of these novel devices when they came on the market. There was also misunderstanding about there use - (many jokes about people chewing them to prevent pregnancy).

Thankfully, I never had to use the much because in my pre-marriage days - AIDs were things to assist old people walk. Unfortunately (fortunately) I did have to use them for a while.
I don't know about modern packaging but I can swear that condoms used to be argon welded into metal containers. Those metal foil packages were bastards to open even in the broad light of day in serene sense of mind. But try opening one in the back seat of a car in complete darkness with your blood lust rising to an unmanageable peak and maintain some semblance of romance - forget it!. So I was moved to songwriting to try and purge those terrible memories from my soul.

Assuming some daft git should want to sing this song - I use the air of the "Pool Song" (Jimmy Crowley version). But those without any respect for great songs have chosen the air to "Barr na Sraide" which is very similar and has the correct mournful "sean nos" feeling. Others prefer to use the air to "Sullivans John" which is faster and you can clip through this long dirge at a pace more acceptable to modern attention spans.
Anyway, I purge my soul one more time - and damn the Mudcat for reminding me.

So here is my revenge.

A song of love, lust, misfortune and
complex poly-hydrocarbon materials.

The Nenagh Singers Circle presents a song by Frank McGrath.
This song is semi-autobiographical. Unlike the character in the song, Frank McGrath survived (unfortunately) to tell this tragic tale. Wise old sayings tell us that truth is stranger that fiction and much more brutal. There is no doubt that Frank McGrath is both very strange and brutal, so his story must be truthful. But we know that it isn't, so therefore, wise old sayings must be a pile of shite. Which aptly describes this song.

First Johnny

Oh, I am oft times told, great stories old,
Of heroes long since gone.
And many a tale of sword and sail
And maidens quite undone.
But History has yet to record and set
The deed of daring done
And to expand on that act confound
How our man put his first johnny on.

Oh this battle great which I now relate
Begins in a Chemist Shop.
Our valiant Knight, his fists clenched tight,
'Waits hustle and bustle to stop.
When the coast is clear and no customers there,
He makes his gallant charge.
To the Alchemist said, with his face all red.
"A packet of 'dem yokes' please; ...size large!".

With his booty in store, makes for the door
With a plain paper wrapper discreet.
Back to his abode, he secrets his fine load.
Save his mammy and them yokes should meet.
Reviewing his plan, our heroic young man
His heart filled with victorious pride.
"Well aren't I cute, for securing the loot.
Shure all I need now is a ride".

To search for romance, our strong knight had no chance.
He excelled in uncommon bad looks.
So he brought his good steed with the greatest of speed
On a tour of the quay side and docks.
There he met a wan and a bargain was done
And they went back to her little home.
From her purse she took out a johnny most stout.
"Girl 'tis all right ... shure I brought me own".

Well our hero advanced with his great shining lance
To his lady, most eager to smote.
"Hold on there me buck, you'll not get your luck,
Save your little maneen wears his coat".
"I'm sorry my dear, your beauty's so rare
My mind with such passion did cloud.
Just hold on there a tick and I'll do me trick
This great charger in rubber we'll shroud".

Well into his pus the johnny packet was thrust
With a terrible tearing of teeth.
His gums got all gashed and his pallet was mashed.
Still no trace of the latex beneath.
'Tween clenched molar and jaw, and powerful gnarled paw
He gave it one last mighty heave.
When out suddenly shot, that condom much sought
Along with his two fine front teeth.

Not caring a toss, for his dual dental loss.
Expectation was numbing the pain.
And there at his feet, like a greasy old teat
Lay this object of sexual gain.
Blood streaming from face, downwards he did gaze
At a yoke not half an inch long.
His mind became fraught, with imperical doubt
"Shure that feckin thing won't fit on!".

With encouraging words, she explains johnnys works
To a student more eager than smart.
And without hesitation, but with much lubrication.
He put to protecting his part.
With the great speed of light, and all of his might
He rammed it right 'round his broad blade.
It flew off even faster, oh what a disaster.
Through his nostril, it entered his brain.

Not caring a damn, for his cerebellum
Shure 'twas only a minor mishap.
He procured a new packet, of smart rubber jacket,
And secured it beside his tooth gap.
'Tween clenched molar and jaw, and powerful gnarled paw
He gave it another good heave.
And to no ones surprise, there was dental demise.
And he lost two more fine healthy teeth.

Retrieving once more his condom from the floor
He took aim with the greatest precision.
He stretched the French Letter above his Red Setter
And launched up with a powerful incision.
His shot it was sure, with successful capture.
"Begob now I'm on the pigs back.!".
He let go with relief, which caused instant grief
It snapped tight round his soft tender sack.

With the frightening grip of a jubilee clip
The johnny cut off all circulation.
His members grew black from the root of his sack
And he viewed this with some consternation.
His parts to relieve, he bent down to retrieve
The condom with urgentful grasp.
It snapped off in the race and pulled over his face
And squeezing his throat with a gasp.

He fell to the floor, the girl ran to the door
Assistance she frantically sought.
To resolve the travail, a doctor she did hail
For her lover so tragically fraught.
With a very quick check, for a pulse in his neck,
The Doc made this mournful diagnosis.
"I hope you've been paid, cos my dear I'm afraid
Your friend has most severe rubber mortise".

Our man met his demise with great bulging eyes
And the coroner made his report.
"Mandibular traumatisation, facial laceration
And then shure the poor fucker choked.
Brain damaged by rubber, and oh yes your Honour,
If alive in great need of a denture".
The judge he was grave, as the verdict he gave
"Cause of death was by mis-condom-venture".

So come all you young boys, when your ladeen does rise
Take care of that condom most cursed.
Use a patched inner tube or a Wellington boot
Or the bag from a corn flakes box first.
Don't let your ambitions create inhibitions
When your maneen protection must don.
And remember the story so frightful and gory
How our man put his first johnny on.

©Frank McGrath - August 1996

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: bbc
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 11:09 PM

Frank,

All I can say is, "Thanks for sharing!"

bbc ;)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Rosebrook
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 09:38 AM

Of geez, here goes nothing.

Most of you may have figured out by now, but for those who hadn't and are still confused (and just really, really gotta know), typically, a dental dam is associated with safe sex for lesbians during cunnilingus for the prevention of transmitting STDs. It is thick (thereby hampering pleasure-ability), doesn't taste good (again...)and there is controversy about its effectiveness. Saran wrap is actually a more highly chosen safe sex barrier in this situation, from my experience and that of other lesbians I know. Whether dental dams are used by heterosexual couples, I don't know, although I've wondered.

I know this is probably MUCH more than anyone here ever wanted, needed or hoped to hear about dental dams at the mudcat. I apologize if I have offended any readers.

Rose

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Philippa
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 10:12 AM

I admit, I already knew what dental dams are, heard about them YEARS ago. I don't know any songs or limericks about them. There's a thread about how much time people spend on Mudcat; my visits are getting longer and longer because Joe keeps adding all these links. I came to this thread after reading the methodologies threads Joe sent me to. And then I had to look at the condom catalogue; I'm pleased to see it has a "Secure Server".

Max and Barbara write about dad's sock drawer. Well, I did once rifle my dad's drawer when I was young(er) and found something I never forgot. It was written on a piece of paper. My excuse for writing it here is that SteveF gave me an html assignment to type out two limericks; so here's no. 1: There was an old man all forlorn
Who wished he had never been born
And he wouldn't have been if his father had seen
The place where the rubber was torn.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 10:27 AM

Frank, An amazing song! Here in the USA "Johnny" or "john" means something else. BOTH are quite flushed right now!! (red-faced --- as were you, I suspect.) And like the folksinger in the 60's coffeehouse when the tornado hit, he (or she) went swirling away with his (or her) stool.

Rose---Like Frank said about condoms in Ireland, we didn't have lesbians here until they became legal a few years ago. ;-) **smiley thing**

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Frank McGrath
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 11:40 AM

Art,

Thanks for the kind words but you may have sparked off another thread.

TRANATLANTIC MISUNDERSTANDING

Of course I would never dream of wearing a toilet bowel on my penis - especially if I wanted to stand (no pun intended) any chance of having sex with anything except for that rare person with a plumbing fetish.
But on this side of the Atlantic we would consider it more than odd for someone to urinate (or worse) into a condom.

Also, I am sure the gay liberation groups in North America would be quite upset to hear that Irish and even British people still set fire to fags and smoke them in public - having purchased a packet of twenty in a local store. Similarly, we find the Americans obsession with civil rigths for cigarettes at least quaint if not completely bizarre.

And those US TV programmes and films where the gentleman says to the lady;
- "Can I give you a RIDE" -
Well on this side of the Atlantic, no gentleman would ever dream of being so blunt and crude to a lady. We are much more self effacing - we might say - "I suppose a ride is out of the question? - and we would still probably get a slap in the kisser.

The wierd but wonderful world of words.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Barbara
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:32 PM

Well, Frank, a man here would never offer to knock up a woman without expecting that same slap in the kisser (it means to get pregnant), and there was a thread on this topic a while back. Dont recall the name.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:58 PM

Frank,

I have a gig this evening, and if it looks right, I am going to have a go at your song. I absolutely loved it. I will give proper attribution, in fact, I t'ink (could I buy a consonant, please?) I will read the intro that came with it. Let me know if I owe you anyting. **grin**

All the best,

Mick Lane

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 02:54 PM

Once again, but strangely, I'm getting used to it, Mudcatters are making me anti-semantic!

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 03:24 PM

You mean anti-sementic, surely, given the topic? Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Duane D.
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 04:17 PM

We can't seem to let this thread go, it keeps coming back, kind of like what happens when you put the Eveready bunny's batteries in backwards.......

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Barry Finn
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 04:51 PM

Rosebrook, nope, wasn't confused at all. Was at the dentist not to long ago for a crown & they put a dental dam in my mouth, so I knew what it was for sure. I just had no idea of it's many uses, ya learn something new every day. An enlightened Barry

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 05:15 PM

Since Helen's challenge thread was inspired by this thread, here's one of my challenge responses paying homage to this everchanging and ,uh,well, educational thread.

To "Irish Washerwoman"

My dental dam's shaped like a bicycle seat
And it tastes like an orange which I find really neat
It protects me from AIDS and most STD's
I only wish it would keep out the fleas!

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Jack Hickman
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 07:48 PM

To Joe Offer:

Talk about Founts of all Knowledge, that little aside about Dental Dams, including the other contributions from Rose, etc. had to be the most enlightening episode I have experienced on the Internet. I had no idea such a thing existed.

As the old saying goes, show me a guy who doesn't and I'll steal his wife :-).

Thanks for this.

Jack

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Frank McGrath
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 08:27 PM

Mick Lane - the more luck to you - you'll need it if you sing that song. I once almost closed a pub after one very moving rendition - not an easy thing to do in Ireland.
And you will owe me -
you will owe me an account of how badly the ditty was received. Bit don't even think of caling me for your bail money.

Dental Dams
Now there's a curious thing. And I thought tooth brushes were the last word in dental hygiene. There is no doubt that the Mudcat is an all encompassing university of knowledge. Dick Greenhaus - How many more years must I serve here before getting my degree?
Yes I can see my certificate now in my minds eye
Frank McGrath, Bachelor o' Farts

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Mo
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 09:00 PM

Nah Frank - your doing yourself down - all practising musicians automatically qualify for at least a Master of Farts - if not a Doctorate.... !(!)

Mo (still at the First Primer stage - but practising the techniques!)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 09:08 PM

G'day,
Years ago when condom vending machines first appeared in this country (usually in the Gents room in pubs) one of the first I saw had graffiti on it which read "This bloody chewy tastes like rubber".

Cheers,
Alan

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: The Shambles
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 07:15 AM

I thought this joke may offend someone or be in bad taste but I don't think anyone still reading this thread will be offended. No offence intended.

Why do Irishmen wear three condoms?

'Ah to be sure, to be sure, to be sure'.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From:
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 12:20 PM

My name has disappeared again in the "From:" field. Don't know why. I had thought it was supposed to be non-removable...(the name, not the condom.)

I knew a guy with 5 penises. His condoms fit like a glove!

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: gargoyle
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 12:16 AM

Ahhhhhh.....

Ye, started this whole thread.....

With the original intention of slipping that one in!!!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 12:34 AM

No Gargoyle...I disagree...I think he has at least one more and perhaps two that he's going to slip in ...Uh, that would be bad jokes, NOT penises !!! Which brings up another point, so to speak. How DO you spell the plural of penis ? This is probably why we use synonyms...no one can spell the plural. catspaw

Subject: Two continents divided by a common language
From: Philippa
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 06:19 AM

An Irish priest told me about the time he spent a semester at a seminary (yes, it's an 'i') in the US and scandalised his room-mate by asking for the loan of a 'rubber'. He was drawing a diagramme and wanted an eraser to 'rub out' an unwanted detail.

Scottish singer Jean Redpath used to tell one about the time she shocked a worker in a Californian hotel by asking him, 'Could you knock me up at 7 am?', meaning, 'please give me a wake up call'.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Frank in the swamps
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 06:46 AM

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 08:07 AM

To Philippa: Paraphrasing and lengthening the old quote, it just goes to show that those living in England,Scotland,Ireland,Canada,the U.S.,Australia,New Zealand..."are one people separated by a common language."

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 08:50 AM

Frank i.t.s., my dear friend. I must hear the story. I have been known, in my day, to do some crazy shite, but a piece of meat "attached to an Evinrude"????? Come on lad, give it up. Gotta hear it.

All the best,

Mick

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: May Best-Offer
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 09:12 AM

Joe, honey, does it not occur to you that the kids might be using the internet also, scanning Mudcat to see what their dad is up to?

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 09:55 AM

Frank,

Here's an old thread on the subject American cultural oddities

Catspaw49, the plural is penes.

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 10:07 AM

Ha! I've just remembered a lovely incident from a few years back.

A chap I know started working as a barman at the local pub. He was quite nervous and anxious to please. It was a lunchtime, and a gent who had just recieved his dinner and collected his knife & fork leant over the bar and asked 'Excuse me, where are the condiments? Our lad replied 'I think there's a machine in the gents.'

Ouch.

Kris

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 10:33 AM

Bert: You're huffin' me !!! Penes??? How do you pronounce that??? It could bring a lot of meaning to the old song:

Everytime it rains, it rains,
PENES from Heaven.

Going thru the rest of the lyric is kinda strange too...But probably good news if you're John Bobbit and in need of replacement parts.

AND FRANK i.t.s.: You can't lay the Evinrude thing out there with no explanation !!! Like Mick, I've done far more than my share of insane acts ... but a piece of meat attached to an Evinrude ??? Time to 'fess up.

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 10:51 AM

I would pronounce it pee-neez. And the only reason that I know, is that my kids used to keep iguanas and a male iguana has two hemi-penes.

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 11:06 AM

REALLY ??? Geez, I gotta' look this stuff up. But it does remind me of a college course that my roommate was in on Animal Husbandry.

There was a guy in the class who could not seem to grasp the concept of an Ospenis which 'possums have. After several futile attempts to explain in different ways, the Prof finally lost his cool and shouted at the guy, "Awfer' gawd's sake, IT'S a BONY PETER MAN !!!!"

And Joe's wife is worried about the kids reading this stuff.....How educational can you get?

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 11:28 AM

Better they should read it than see it.

Better they should see it than do it.

Better they should do it WITH A CONDOM!

Better they should use a dental dam than transcend dental medication!!!

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Barbara
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 02:45 PM

You all who are intrigued by Frank i.t.s.'s remarks, go to the "What does a Mudcatter Look Like? (truth opt.)" Thread and read his description of himself. It begins "I am seven and a half feet long, measure 7" between the eyes, and.."
Go read it. It's a masterpiece. I laughed for 10 minutes straight, and then I shipped it to some friends..
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 08:39 AM

Catspaw,

Loved your story of the college class.
Kinda reminds me of a book on entomology I once read. They said that this particular insect (can't remember what it was) had a 'telescopic, hirsute copulatory appendage'
I guess they just couldn't bring themselves to write 'big hairy dick'

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 10:15 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.........Just read my buddy, Frank i.t.s description of himself. Don't know how I missed it before. "Scoring with the chicks" has a whole different meaning with you, eh Frank?

All the best,

Mick Lane

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 10:15 AM

Bert, Good story...I love the way we cannot bring ourselves to simplify the language, for whatever reason...Political Correctness, good taste (what is that?), social status (who cares),etc.

I'm reasonably sure that Karen and I are not the only parents who went through the "Great Penis Naming Game." We settled on "HOOZSHEE"...and don't even ask! I held out for "dick" for a long time, but to no avail. Gee, this could be a new thread in keeping with the rash of these personal info threads lately. "What do Mudcatters call their Genitalia?" No, better not. catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 10:28 AM

Two old ladies waiting for a bus in the rain. One wants a cigarette and lights it beind her hand and puts a condom over it to keep it dry. "That's amazing," says the other woman. "What do you call that & where can I get one?" "You can buy 'em at the pharmacy."

The second woman goes right to the drug store and announces to the sales person that she wants some condoms! The salesperson is rather amazed at the age of the person wanting that item. He askes her, "What kind do you want?" The answer? "Just give me one that'll fit a Camel!"

Art (via an old friend in Texas who must be checking in here at Mudcat & notied our thread. Was sent by E-mail this morning.)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Mo
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 11:51 AM

Looks like Catspaw was right about Art slipping another couple in (Oooh,Er, missus!). Who needs tv comedians when there is the Art 'n' Frank I.T.S. Show!!

Friend of mine's kid, who has been brought up the modern way and knows about sex and the importance of condoms by the age of 10, nevertheless rendered his parents speechless by asking "But Why do you get flavoured ones?". "Over to you dear" murmured the father, as he headed out the door at high speed!

Cheers, Mo

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 02:13 PM

Well, My local Army-Navy store is selling camo condoms (with the slogan,"Don't let them see you coming"

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 03:21 PM

Remove camo-condoms from your list of "shoulds,"
'Cause I'm telling you, they ARE the real goods.
I used one last night
And it gave me a fright.
My Willie went off and hid in the woods!

Five Penes? There's a nice tidy sum.
But Art,"fits like a glove?" that's just dumb!
If he came with great force
He'd have much remorse,
When they backfired and blew off his bum!

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 03:32 PM

LOL catspaw,

Unfortunately Dick doesn't collect Limericks in DT.

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Pete M
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 03:39 PM

Can't compete with Art and Catspaw, but I remember being told about a Nun who was nonplussed when a young member of the class asked what a condom was. She prevaricated and at the next break hurried of to ask the Father's advice. "Oh thats no problem," he replied "just tell him they are a type of protective covering worn by protestants on every concievable occasion."

Pete M

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 08:54 PM

Once I was in the pub with my buddy Liam and a young fella who had just started working for us. At the time Liam and I were about 40 and the young man, a new Union Rep, about 28 or so, was putting the moves on this young one who sat down with us. Liam and I were just sitting there, amazed at the line of blarney and being done with a straight face and all. We were rapt with attention, enjoying the joust. Several jars of Uncle Arthur's finest later, the young fella was still going(the young woman was humoring him), when he asked her, straight faced and trying his best to be a sensitive man of the '90's, "Have you ever noticed how men give cutesy little names to their penes? I looked at Liam and he looked at me, and I said "I don't think Big Ed is such a cutesy little name" and Liam shot back "I call mine Sgt. Steiner, please kiss his helmet". Needless to say, we kind of messed up his line, the young woman started laughing and walked away a few minutes later. This young man has never forgiven us.

Only on the Mudcat would I tell this. And I don't have a clue why. hahahahahah

Mick

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 09:39 PM

Damn, maybe we DO need a thread on this! Big Ed?

No, the first thing said will be, "I don't have Privates, I have Generals." Yeah, I think we need to pass on that thread idea...bu,uh...Big Ed? Sounds in need of a limerick...but I'll pass on that too...as Bert says, they aren't in the DT. On the other hand, or maybe I should say arm, with very little modification, limericks can be sung to "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain."

One more thing there Mick, congrats on using new vocabulary...or have you always said "penes?" I used to get my new vocabulary from Reader's Digest, but this is better.

Joe ... If you're checking in, tell your wife how educational this thread really is!!!

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 09:49 PM

Big Catspaw,
I have never used "penes" in my life. But I learn so much here. Where the hell else would I learn a song like McGrath's.

Frank,
speaking of your song, I did indeed do it in a small group after the performance. I just sang it to a tune that I made up to fit. The guys and gals just roared. I, of course had to help them with vernacular a bit. They absolutely roared. I got the distinct impression that I may have to do this more. I had one advantage though, my dear friend. I had just finished doing a benefit for a slain State Trooper. Wasn't much chance of me landing in the pokey. When next I am in Ireland, I will pay you your "royalties" in Uncle Arthur's and songs.

Mick

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 04:52 AM

My husband likes to refer to his 'pork sword'. Unfortunately I usually get it wrong and call it a 'pork sausage'. Quite the wrong imagery I'm afraid.

My daughter calls hers a 'winkie', and then got very confused when a little boy assured her that girls don't have winkies.

I remain silent on the subject of mine...

Kris

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Liam's Brother
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 08:45 AM

First of all, I like the ones with the red race cars on the packet. You can find them in the men's toilet in most pubs in the UK. There are, though, typically 4 problems in purchasing them there:
1) The odds are at least 50/50 that the machine will take your money and give you nothing in return
2) Buying things like this is a men's room is a great way to meet blokes and, if that's not your thing, it could be embarrassing for the other party
3) I always seem to be standing in at least 2 inches of water when I do this and at least 1 coin always seems to slip from my fingers
4) The machine is usually placed right next to the door and I get smacked by it at least 5 times during the transaction as intoxicated patrons enter the WC.

Second, and this for Big Mick who wrote above on 18JAN at 8:54PM about he and Liam being in a pub together, I have checked with Liam, Mick, and he tells me that the incident you describe did not happen that way at all. He left with the young lady! All the best,
Dan

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 08:58 AM

LMAO, LOL, holding my sides with tears rolling down my face. I knew when I told the story, I would not get away unscathed. Let Liam know that in the grand Irish tradition, he can tell any story he wants, and I will swear to it.

All the best,

Mick

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: ArtThieme
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 10:10 AM

Dan, so turned on in need of a comdom, Bangs on the machine in West London, His biceps so muscular, Do damage corpuscular, And condoms rain down like snow.

(note new ryme scheme)

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 10:51 AM

Yeah Art..that's uh...uh...nice,uh......er,yea,..new rhyming pattern...sure,cool.....Awferchrissakes...Look Art, both of us are probably a few jingles shy of a tambourine... but that was just awful. New rhyming scheme...yeah, right. Lemme' take a shot....

Dan, feeling his sexuality peak,
Went to the WC, a condom to seek.
But when a coin it did miss
And fell in two inches of piss,
Says Dan,"Tis more disgusting than 'Bubble & Squeak'"

Not great either but at least it is a traditional rhyming scheme. catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Sheye
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 10:54 AM

This just keeps getting better. Love your story, Mick, even the new, improved version! I am trying to get my head around the imagery of standing in two inches of water in front of a condom machine. Quoi?

I was reading this thread and walked into the coffee room. Asked my fellow workers if their plural to penis was penises or penes. The responses were:

- silence - I don't even want to know how that came up. - Where do you go at night? - Who needs more than one anyway?

I once dated a guy who referred to his as The Snake. At least one of them was honest about their demeanor!

Sheye

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Sheye
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 11:39 AM

...and this just in...

President Bill Clinton called Jean Chretien with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, the Canadian people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the Prime Minister.
"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Chretien. Oh, and one more small favour, please?" said Clinton. "Could the condoms be red, white & blue in colour at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that,Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favour, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to America."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red, white & blue in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the Prime Minister, "and print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 12:02 PM

Sheye, You need to check back on the thread to our erudite friend Bert who was so good as to help me with my vocabulary. I mean he knows things like "telescopic,hirsute, copulatory appendage" too. I think "penes" came up just before that. Very educational thread. You probably need to stay out of the coffee room for awhile.catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Dani
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 02:03 PM

Alright. My mother taught me never to get into a conversation like this, but I held off for this long and HAD TO KNOW what inspired so many posts. It's no credit to me that I was sure y'all had strayed off the topic.

NOW YOU'VE DONE IT. I can never compliment my neighbor's peonies again with a straight face. My Webster's says you can cheat and use 'penises', but that would take all the fun out of it,wouldn't it.

Occasionally I teach a vocabulary course for high school-age students. The word 'euphemism' is sometimes tough to get across without some good examples. Thanks for the fodder.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 04:07 PM

I'm sorry to hear that Webster says you can say 'penises'.
I'ts a case of ignorance becoming the norm.
Soon, momentarily will mean soon.

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Frank McGrath
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 08:13 PM

Big Mick,
Thanks for the honour you bestowed by singing "First Johnny" and I'm delighted you are still a free man.

BUT, unfortunately the Mudcat seems to be imprisoned in this Latex Levenworth, CONDOMned by a Thieme Thread of vulcanised vocabulary.

Will we ever escape unsheathed from this streeeeeeetching story to stand unfettered by repetitive rubberised rhetoric? Will Dick Dental Dam this dire deluge of Durexing dialogue?

And to think it all started with -
“I'm just curious...”

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 10:05 PM

Well, just to be truthful with you Frank, I'm tired of it too. But see, I was tired of all those other boilerplate info threads and this one reached a point where I thought maybe I could nurse it to over 150 posts which was the highest on any of the others. Just thought it'd be funny to have this one get the most response when it's real function was to put an end to the pattern.

But doncha' have to admit that this thing has taken on a life of it's own? And dang if it ain't educational!!! We got close but I do fear it's about to P-O some otherwise nice folks...and I don't want to do that. Also, if I were Max, I'd ask if any of us would mind dumping this whole thing to save a little space in the forum...not exactly needed for posterity.

Damn, it has been fun though!!!!!!! and a thanks to all the other 'Catters for the education!!!

catspaw PS: Joe, I think your wife needs to see the teacher's comments from Dani above. EDUCATIONAL MATERIAL

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Alice
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 10:40 PM

Here is my one contribution to this thread. It could just as well go with all the other jokes I added to the 'cheering up' thread. Maybe you have heard this one. -----------

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack.The boy insists on the family pack, he explains to the pharmacist that he is expecting to have a big night with his girlfriend tonight. That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."… … The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."…

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Duane D.
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 11:14 PM

Re: Sheye A few years back I worked one summer with a guy from across the pond in England and he once told me some common usage for penis on his side of the pond. One is "python" and another is "dragon." Hence, when a man needs to relieve himself, he says, "I have to syphon the python" or "I have to drain the dragon."

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 20 Jan 99 - 11:26 PM

OK----As the one who started this thread to polarize everyone, I now declare it to be a HUGE SUCCESS and OFFICIALLY CLOSED!!!!!!!!

NOW, it's up to us to make this work better than a Kosovo truce.

There---it's over...

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 99 - 08:39 AM

Sorry Art, but I just remembered this one.

To the tune of Villikins and his Dinah (So it must be folk)

Oh Father, Oh Father, I've come to confess
I've left a dear damsel in deepest distress,
Her clothes are all ragged and tattered and torn
and there's something inside her about to be born.

Oh Son, Oh Son, you should have known better
for when I was your age I used a French Letter.
Oh Father, Oh Father, Oh don't be unjust
I used a French Letter, but the bloody thing bust.

Bert.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 21 Jan 99 - 09:15 AM

See, Art. Your concom thread got out of hand.

Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 21 Jan 99 - 09:43 AM

It just won't lie down and die will it?

(I suppose this post doesn't help....)

Subject: indeed it doesn't
From:
Date: 21 Jan 99 - 10:28 AM

a machine beside a 'loo'in the Glasgow (Scotland) bus station sells "McCondoms" - Scoth (whisky) flavoured!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Jan 99 - 11:43 AM

Good night, Gracie.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Jan 99 - 01:48 PM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Back.....Back.....(crack of whip)BACK..BLAST YOU ..BACK!!!

Quick...Somebody get me a Wooden Stake & a mallet...BACK!!

GO AWAY....Lemme' Alone!!! ..AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH...BACK DAMN YOU ...BACK!!!!

WHERE'S THAT FREAKIN' STAKE????

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Pete M
Date: 21 Jan 99 - 02:39 PM

Ummm Catspaw, - Kin-kyyyyyyy!!!!!!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 21 Jan 99 - 05:44 PM

It just dawned on me. (Dracula's last words.)

Mine too--in this thread anyhow.

Art

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: gargoyle
Date: 24 Jan 99 - 01:05 AM

JOE: A "demon spawned child" is still the responsibility of the father

"Now if P over U be inverted
And the squre root of U be inserted
X time over P,
The result Q.E.D.
Is a relative," Einstein asserted.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 99 - 01:24 AM

Awfergawdsake...What is this? Some kind of prophylactic version of the "The Cat Came Back"?????? catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Charlie Baum
Date: 24 Jan 99 - 04:10 AM

Some things have no "off" button: The song "99 bottles of beer on the wall" once it gets past the verse "minus three bottles of beer on the wall", investigations by the office of the special prosecutor (i.e., Kenneth Starr), and this thread.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jan 99 - 12:45 PM

re:catspaws attempt at a limerick back there..it has a traditional rhyme scheme ok,

"Dan, feeling his sexuality peak,
Went to the WC, a condom to seek.
But when a coin it did miss
And fell in two inches of piss,
Says Dan,"Tis more disgusting than 'Bubble & Squeak'"

but...
There was an old gasman named Peter
With a match poked around a gas heater
Touched a leak with his light
And rose out of sight
And, as anyone even vaguely familar with the more subtle nuances of the art of poetry can tell you,...he also ruined the meter!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: The Shambles
Date: 24 Jan 99 - 02:37 PM

Bill D

I liked very much the meter one.

Art

But as a native of West London, I still have not recovered from it's being rhymed with condom.

No more please!

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jan 99 - 11:17 PM

Ah Bill...may I humbly beg forgiveness. As I see so clearly now, this is not the place for my common, one minute limericks. No indeed. Obviously with such a high caliber and erudite audience, I assure you I will no longer go for the quick laugh. I promise future limericks with polish of both rhyme and meter. Once more I fervently pray you open your heart in charity to such an abject failure.

catspaw

Can anyone help me out with a rhyme for "Blow it straight out your ass?" **grin**

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jan 99 - 11:27 PM

them abject apologies ain't what they usta be...methinks I detect a 'tiny' note of cynicism...

(oh, well, catspaw...maybe you can be forgiven just this once..)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 25 Jan 99 - 10:34 AM

I think that I shall never see,
A poem as bad as Kilmer's TREES.
So here I leave the rhyme-scheme of that horrid verse,
With hopes that never e're shall I be known to write
A poem that's any worse!

Art (no condom intended)

Art Thieme (pun intended)

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Joe Offer
Date: 26 Jan 99 - 03:11 PM

Peter T. does not want to miss a single exciting message, so he has started a new thread and asks that we don't post any new messages here, lest we crash his browser.

Click here

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: ANNON Y MOUSE
Date: 27-Jan-99 - 05:28 AM

DID THIS PUT IT BACK ON TOP?

Well, yes it did, but this thread has gotten too big and we're trying to get people to use the new thread if they want to continue the discussion.

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jun 99 - 08:45 AM

Just an example for Will on how to refresh a thread. He asked a sincere question and I am trying to be helpful......that's all. 'Course it is "Father's Day" and all.......................

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 20 Jun 99 - 11:47 AM

For all who read this, please note that Catspaw is emotional, impulsive and unstable. Otherwise, how to explain that he violated a direct ORDER from the esteemed Mudcat God, Joe Offer. (See the posting just before Catspaw's) Do not follow his example by continuing to post on this thread. There is a follow-up thread What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer II

I was also going to criticize Catspaw for the audacity of keeping this tasteless thread alive. However, I noticed the last posting on "Concom II" is my "refresher" post.

Your humble servant,

Big RiB

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jun 99 - 12:33 PM

Well see RiB ol' budddy, there wasn't a blue clicky thing on #2 and I hated to give Will a bad example.

I also send my apologies to Square Deal, Square Shootin', Square Root Joe Offer, who discovered, on this very thread, a website for Dental Dams.

catspaw

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: Helen
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 04:47 AM

refresh for the sake of this thread:



      BS: Portraying an 'Art Thieme' in calendar

but please post to part 2 of this thread rather than here - see Roger in Baltimore's link two posts up.

Helen

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 08:27 PM

too scared to buy them we just used ballons

---

Continued

Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer.
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:12 PM

Refreshed as a Special Birthday Present to Art

July, 2008


Much Love from your biggest fan,


Spaw