BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,sudz
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 12:52 AM

Im married past 20 yrs with three kids but i
dont think i have found my real soulmate and i find myself thinkin about this question all the time.im male and 40ish.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 01:04 AM

Yeah....about 7 times over the past 30 years.....parting has not always been pleasant when the Past met the Current.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,sad but secreative
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 01:22 AM

Yeah, I have always wondered, I am happily married this last thirty three years this xmas and in the last fifteen of those contented years I thought at least two or three times each year I had found her! but it was only LUST not love! I am still searching . . . shushhh! don't tell the wife, she's two hundred and thirty pounds to my one hundred and twenty six.   
                                    SAD

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Metchosin
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 01:28 AM

Maybe you'll be happy if you can find a soul mate who'll kick sand in your face.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 02:32 AM

GUEST,sad but secreative (sic)- You're sad all right. Has it occurred to you that just possibly if you worked at your marriage she wouldn't be that overweight? Frankly, I think that when a husband cheats (i.e. keeps on 'looking'), he has made the decision to leave the marriage and someone - why not you?- needs to tell the wife. You'll both be happier. IMO

I knew a man once who lived with a woman who was in love with him even though he was in love with someone else - who wouldn't live with him.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:19 AM

Married my female one, she was the second, 22 years ago.
My male one was Rick Fielding.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Paul Burke
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:26 AM

I suspect some of these Guests are regulars who don't want to compromise their partners.

It's possible that you might need more than one person to satisfy all the various human requirements, and that it's unreasonable to expect to find it in one person. If you have done, it's good luck.

I'm NOT saying that you need sexual relations with the various others, though again not ruling that out. If you're open and honest either way, perhaps you can make it work.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: MuddleC
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:52 AM

Judging by the 'guest' factor , perhaps the question should be :
- has anyone found their soulmate too late , as the apple of their eye were already in a committed relationship with someone else or otherwise unavailable?

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:54 AM

I really found my soulmate but I was too young to know.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: MuddleC
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 06:00 AM

then you still have that precious thing... time.. go rectify your mistake

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 07:27 AM

Hey Sad But Secretive,

    To answer the question to the title of this thread...YES, I have found my soulmate....I am in love with, love, highly respect and like my husband for the man he is, for his heart, for his mind...the rest is just icing my friend!!!!!!!!!

   Now I have a question for you...since when does weight have a thing to do with matching souls? The body is going to change over the years...if you fall in love with the body only, you are NEVER going to be happy....we all gain or lose weight, get wrinkles, some lose hair, others find it growing out of odd places, eyesight fails, hearing fades, the ability to move freely changes.

Are you confusing physical attraction with something else?

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 07:32 AM

I did. He died.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,Get Over Yourself
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 07:42 AM

Hey Man! Are you saying that your woman is no l onger your soulmate because she is bigger than you? If your woman was half as superficial as you are she'd dump your scrawny ass for a man of some real size. One hundred and twenty six pounds? Who wants skin and bones on top of them and face it pal-you have been married for over thirty years-that makes you OLD-YOU are no longer the king stud muffin. Take a good hard look at your mid life crisis and what you are about to lose. If that doesn't phase you, tell the wife and get the fuck out so she can have a life with someone who loves her the way she DESERVES to be loved.

*mumbling* stupid scrawny sonofabtich what comes around goes around-nasty skinny bony old man

GET OVER YOURSELF

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 07:54 AM

I understand "mate" and have some understanding of "soul" but, seriously, what exactly is a "soulmate"???

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,saddo saviour
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 08:13 AM

why dont you just save up and pay for a prostitute once a month..!!!??!!..


..while you're at it..


why not also treat the wife to an occassional hired
young stud.. !!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 08:17 AM

I understand "mate" and have some understanding of "soul" but, seriously, what exactly is a "soulmate"???

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 08:18 AM

Opps! Too much coffee....

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 08:32 AM

been 99% faithful to the wife for last 20 years..

less than i can count on fingers of one hand
drunk one night stands
with women who offered it on a plate
but would not compare positively to the mrs if i'd been sober..

.. dont know what the wifes been up to all these years..


.. but women are better liars anyway..


btw.. i'm late 40's.. live a healthy near 'straight edge' lifestyle
and train regularly down the gym..
where i'm one of the fitter stronger guys for any age group
training there..

honestly, it would not be a problem to hit on and score with any of a number of desirable young women at the fitness centre who like the look of me..

but i cant be bothered..

me and the mrs are a good team..

and theres no sense in undermining our security and relative happiness

for a futile messy fling with a potentially emotionally insecure and over-demanding younger trophy babe..

errr..
like my bands singer who is now going through stressful divorce and finacial ruin..
and is an abject slave to the irrational whims of his girlfriend half his age.. silly hopless bastard !!!

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Mr Red
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 08:32 AM

well I found one - eyes across a crowded room the minute I walked through the door.

So what happened? Place and appendages were not soulmates. Left her there. Still qualifies.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: number 6
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 08:45 AM

Bobert ... "have some understanding of "soul" ... as in James Brown !!

Oooops, way too much coffee.

Seriously, I found mine a liftime ago, we've been together since.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,Get Over Yourself
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:36 AM

126 pounds and he thinks he is fit...HA!!!!!   I honestly don't know any women who find a *man* with the body of a 12 year old boy attractive, inside or out.

I wish I knew who you were. I'd tell your wife for sure. She deserves to be HAPPY with someone she can TRUST and that is NOT you. You are a cheat and a liar and worth less than worm shit. I hope those warm wet spots were worth all the years of what you have to tell yourself to sleep at night.

GET OVER YOURSELF and have a fucking sandwich while you're at it you OLD sweaty nasty bony-ass two faced lying cheat!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:41 AM

It bears mentioning, maybe, that soul-mate-hood is a created condition by the participants thereto, not some Cosmic Brass Ring.

If you haven't found it, you aren't generating it.

It is kinda silly to place responsibility for your own happiness on some mystic chain of categories in the universe; you get the categories you make for yourself.

A

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,Get Over Yourself
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:44 AM

Hark, I hear the voice of a real man!!!! Well said Amos!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: kendall
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:58 AM

I believe that there is more than one soul mate for each of us.However, that doesn't mean that we are perfect for each other in a physical relationship.Conversly, a perfect physical relationship is seldom, if ever, a good soul relationship.
Remember this story?
A man searched all over the world for the perfect woman. He finally found her, but it didn't work out, why?

Because she was looking for the perfect man.

I blame fairy tales for those "happy ever after" tales that were drilled into our heads as children.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 10:48 AM

I thought I'd found my soulmate, we were together for 17 years, then she left me 4 years ago, [ still don't know why ] my new soulmate comes out of a bottle and will never let me down.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,older and still no wiser........
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 10:51 AM

Found.........and lost (sigh)

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 10:59 AM

I don't think I've got a soul

still what you've never had etc.

consequently the soulmate doesn't apply. feel quite glad I haven't got one, after the testimony of some of these guys.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:05 AM

Yes.

If you don't know what a soul mate is, I'm not sure that I can explain it to you.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:06 AM

230 pounds!!! That's TWO wives not one!

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Wesley S
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:16 AM

I don't believe in the concept of a "one and only" soulmate that is out there waiting for you. There are dozens of potential soulmates that you could be happy with. If you are willing to do some of the work too.

To find a soulmate you have to BE a soulmate. It's been said before but don't expect an outside source to "fix" you and make you happy. You have to do it yourself. Then when you are happy in your own skin the members of the opposite sex { at least the healthy ones } will suddenly find you more interesting and attractive.

At least that was my experience. And we just celibrated our ninth wedding anniversary last week.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Paul Burke
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:23 AM

I've got three souls- one on each foot and my are.

I think everybody will accept that "soul" here is metaphorical. We are all looking for happiness- some believe that happiness will not be achieved in this life, and become saints or sour. Others try, give up, and divert their energies into forgetting their failure- and sometimes do great things because of that.

Our society is conventionally monogamous, so people hope that their one partner will supply all the makings of their happiness, and some even try to give happiness back in return. But I think that, unless your "soul" is peculiarly uncomplex, one person is unlikely to do that. Hence the dissatisfaction that many people feel when their relationship, despite many years of adjustment, fails to fulfill them.

The answer, as I said, is to recognise the complexity, and act accordingly. But do it honestly, or all you'll get is divorce or worse and the whole family unhappy instead of just you.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,Cyclically cynical
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:24 AM

Call it age, experience or whatever but sometimes I'd just settle for someone kind, thoughtful, considerate and moderately interesting in bed.

Guess that rules most men out

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:42 AM

I'm not quite sure if I believe in the traditional concept of soulmates. I definitely believe in the soul, but I think the idea of soulmates derives from the exaggerated romantic notions that arose in Europe in the Middle Ages, during what is termed "the age of chivalry". That kind of idealized romance is a concept specifically European in origin, and I think it's unrealistic. It has caused people a lot of grief and disappointment.

I don't believe that I have ever met my soulmate, though there have been a few times when I thought maybe I had met her for awhile, because I was caught up in the romantic expectations that I had inherited from books, stories, movies, and all the romantic stuff that one is programmed with in this culture.

The individuals I had fixed my attention on in this way usually didn't think I was their soulmate! ;-) But once or twice perhaps they did, and that led to even more trouble... Ah, yes, we live and learn, as we struggle to deal with our romantic expectations.

We are brought up in a culture where hundreds of books and movies say to you, "This is it. This is the whole crux of life. One day you are going to meet HER or HIM...that one special person who is destined for you...and then everything is going to be wonderful! Everyone else does it, and you've gotta do it too or you're just losing out. So get out there and find Mr or Ms Right, and do it NOW. You don't wanna be a loser, do you?"

Ha! Talk about leading people down the garden path and setting them up for major disappointments. ;-)

Now the thing is, yes, you can form wonderful relationships and wonderful romantic relationships too...if you have done what Amos suggests and done some good work to develop your own personal strengths and character. For sure. This can apply to forming good friendships, good family connections, good marriages, good working partnerships, etc. The question is, are you happy, confident, and at peace inside yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you have good will toward others and toward life? Are you generous and kind? Are you self-disciplined and productive?

If the answer to most of those is "yes", then you are in a good position to have an excellent marriage with someone, regardless of whether or not he or she is your "soulmate". Will it really matter then?

Everything here is temporary. It has its time and then it's gone. Even you, as a physical being, are temporary. But I think your soul is eternal. I doubt that an eternal soul decides to find one other specific soul as its official soulmate, and then incarnates again and again and marries that same person over and over again! Relationships are learning and growth opportunities, not a final end in themselves. ;-)

But for those of you who think that this one life right here and now is all you've got and ever will have...well, I can understand why you're concerned about finding your soulmate. I don't see it that way.

But don't think I haven't been tempted to...

For those who have found someone whom they feel is their soulmate, blessings upon you in your happiness together! I'm sure you earned it.

I figure my soulmate is more likely this: my own true inner Self, after all the outer layers of illusion and fear have fallen away. That is the One who will never leave me, and who suits me perfectly, because that IS me.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:49 AM

*tsk*...I suppose that, there being SO many people, if one looked long enough, and had very good luck, they could always run across someone who was slightly 'better' for them than the one before...but that means you could spend your entire life searching. ....and at the end, you might find #3 was better than #s 4-87!

If you are really asking this question, it means you are not yet happy with who you have met and/or married, and you need to ask yourself whether YOU are ½ the problem? It's possible you simply made a mistake in choosing each other, but unless the mistake was VERY serious, you need to quit fretting about it and make it work as best you can! A very great deal of success in relationships is deciding to improve what you have, not in finding some wispy idea of perfection.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 12:38 PM

Consider me peculiarly uncomplex. :-)

Hey, LH: Budhhism pretty much discounts "romance" as a realistic ingredient in a soulful relationship. A soulful relatioship is not a dozen roses, or dinner by candlelight with Montavani playing softly in the background. A soul connection is much deeper than that, and while there are times when love can be extremely romantic, it is just as strong when you're taking out the garbage. I think Buddhism has it right... people who are seeking "romance" are doomed to serial relationships for the rest of their lives, just as people who are seeking the greatest sex are. Both roads are dead ends.
A soul-full relationship can survive the dry times and still be strengthened.

Someone asked me yesterday if I was still looking at single women. I told him that there is no "upgrade" over my wife.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: kendall
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 12:46 PM

Guest Cynical...you will never fing a diamond if you are poking around in a pig pen.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 12:57 PM

Whether or not there really is something one can call a "soulmate", I have found that there is nothing better than having the right "lifemate and partner".

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST,get me outta here
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 01:03 PM

well, there's another poor sap heading for the chopping block, he hasn't realised that the women are only in for the head games.

see http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=86018 'looking for female friend'

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 01:06 PM

You sound like a very sensible man to me, Jerry.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 01:10 PM

Call it age, experience or whatever but sometimes I'd just settle for someone kind, thoughtful, considerate and moderately interesting in bed.

Guess that rules most men out



Then go find a woman and stop bitching.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 01:27 PM

I found mine... and I married her last October...

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Wesley S
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 01:35 PM

"he hasn't realised that the women are only in for the head games"

In my experience people see in others what is reflected from their own character. It's very difficult to see what was OUR part in the failure of past relationships. But it's pretty darned easy to see what the other person did wrong. We however - are innocent.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:30 PM

Little Hawk said what I was going to say - and said it better.

I would add that perhaps a soulmate is one you have encountered in one relationship after another, sometimes your mate, sometimes your friend, sometimes your son or your mother... and that you will continue to recognize and love.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:44 PM

Now there's an interesting notion! I think that definitely happens. We meet the individuals who are most important to us again and again, but usually in quite a variety of relationships. The outer forms change, but the inner connection remains strong.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Peace
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:47 PM

I dislike the term, soulmate. Sounds contrived, etc. IMO.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:53 PM

I agree, Peace. And yet we all know the feeling.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Peace
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:54 PM

It's called love.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 04:57 PM

There are many many different kinds, different levels of love...

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Joybell
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 05:43 PM

Yes but it was blind luck.

Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 06:39 PM

Nothing is blind luck. It just looks that way.