BS: Sexual No Nos.

Subject: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:04 PM

1. Headaches.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: webfolk
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:07 PM

2. too tired

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:07 PM

Before or after?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: webfolk
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:08 PM

either

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: *daylia*
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:10 PM

no during?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Ernest
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:10 PM

instead

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Folkiedave
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:12 PM

3. Farting in bed.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:42 PM

A bit of added thrust may be welcome a some points!
G ☺

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Peace
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:45 PM

Sheep.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:47 PM

Scorekeepers.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Raedwulf
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:58 PM

Anything the other person doesn't want?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:04 PM

That'll be just about everything enjoyable then!
G x

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:10 PM

Two things you should never do in bed:

point

and laugh

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:27 PM

Using your partner's back during the act to rest a plate of sandwiches.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:28 PM

... or your book

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Frug
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:30 PM

..............or their navel as an ashtray !!

Frank

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Wesley S
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:42 PM

Leaving your boots and spurs on can be a no-no unless you get permission ahead of time.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Den
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:47 PM

Its not generally recommended that you use the following expression immediately after sex, "well that oughta hold ya."

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:48 PM

Saying to the lady in question, "You have dimples (or whatever) just like my ex-wife/girlfriend/etc..."

(line stolen from the hapless salesman/would-be assassin in "The Assassination of Richard Nixon")

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Biskit
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 03:51 PM

no talking about changing the color of the paint in the Master bath during or immediatly following the act.
Peace! Through Understanding
~Biskit~

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: artbrooks
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 04:58 PM

Commenting about painting the ceiling.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 05:02 PM

Socks....lose the socks!

And onion or Pepsi breath....no thanks.

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 05:27 PM

Anything involving livestock.....

Unwillingness to swap positions... why do I always have to hold my ankles?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual Things you shouldn't admit
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 05:33 PM

My wife puts up with so much, and the crazy woman still loves me:

Quite regulary, while we're still "recuperating", I'll say "Thank you Louise", or "Ethyl", or "Rosa"; anything but her real name. Sometimes she pinches me on the ...ah...cheek...like crazy, 'til I get it right...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Black eye to prove it
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 05:50 PM

NEVER EVER tell you wife during the act that she's almost as good as her sister.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 05:58 PM

Multi-tasking.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Sleepless Dad
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 06:02 PM

If all of the tasks involve your partner then multi-tasking can be a GOOD thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 06:05 PM

Rough sheets. They kill your elbows. . . ;->

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 06:20 PM

The multi-tasking I was thinking of was watching the football on TV.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,oops !!!
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 06:24 PM

double incontinence

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 06:46 PM

Wrong person.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: JennyO
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:12 PM

Goats

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:15 PM

You can tell she's Australian can't you?
Giok ☺

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Peace
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:31 PM

Goats are a no no? Thanks pal--like, tell me nooooooooooow, eh!

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:34 PM

Clothes???

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: JennyO
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:46 PM

Hey, you've just given me an idea - have the goats eat the clothes off. Everyone wins :-)

Err.... wait a minute - this was supposed to be about No No's wasn't it. Oh well...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: bobad
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:49 PM

A stopwatch.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:50 PM

Gorillas and baboons. I never touch 'em.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 08:16 PM

Errors in species selection.
Errors in gender selection.
Errors in age detection of the chronologically under-endowed.
Misunderstanding the process.
Misunderstanding the purpose.
Poor technique.
Poor aim.
Inadequate security.
Failure to communicate.
Excessive communication.
Halitosis.
Unrevealed physical ailments.
Failure to reveal absence of key body parts.
Failure to reveal presence of unexpected body parts.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 08:38 PM

Speak fir yerself, Chimp...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:30 PM

Yeah? I ain't speakin' fer you, hayseed...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: gnu
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:39 PM

No.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,anonymouse
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 11:29 PM

When getting oral sex from a dwarf with a flat head, never leave your beer on top of her head.

A word to the wise...

Anon

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 11:37 PM

Losing your place in the Kama Sutra and getting your elbow stuck behind your knee.






















you're all looking it up, aren't you?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 03:54 AM

Banjos

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: webfolk
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 03:56 AM

"was that it"?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 04:30 AM

Hi Sis!
G

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 04:40 AM

"have we started yet?"

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 04:42 AM

Is that what they mean by 'Down Under' Jennie?
G ☺

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: alanabit
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 05:45 AM

Trying to finish first.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: greg stephens
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 05:51 AM

Spitting out in the ashtray.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: mandotim
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 05:57 AM

In response to the question (in the dark) 'what do you think of that then?', you should never say 'Put it under the pillow I'll smoke it later'.
Tim from Bit on the Side

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Ex-partner of selfish, inconsiderate, git
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 07:35 AM

Never say, when you are gently awoken some time after you have taken your pleasure but have failed to ensure that of your partner, "Don't fancy a shag right now, have a wank"

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Louie Roy
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 10:47 AM

Don't play with her headlights and get her carburator to leaking and then she reaches over and finds out you have a flat.Louie Roy

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: frogprince
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 11:16 AM

Of all the words of tongue or pen,
The saddest words are, "Is it in?"

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 12:06 PM

snoring

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Robert o' Dunkerron
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 12:36 PM

Dinna take yer bagpipes tae bed.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 01:41 PM

Unless they are your best feature.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 05:15 PM

Answering the phone.

Forgeting to put the cat out, or the dog, or the llama!

Tossing flammable lingerie onto the lighted chandelier overhead...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: kendall
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 05:22 PM

Calling out your own name at the climax.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: bobad
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 05:23 PM

Pyroflatulence.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Spot
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 05:43 PM

Hello everybody...
                Silicone tits......

                  Regards to all....Spot

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 06:40 PM

Alarm clock

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Sleepless Dad
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 06:53 PM

Answering the cell phone.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 06:56 PM

But if it's a 1-900 number, ya have to, dontcha?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Janine
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 04:33 AM

Thinking of England

Janine

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Yes yes
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 07:07 AM

No! No! No!

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Bill the Collie
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 09:00 AM

On the buses.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 09:12 AM

Waking by a+n

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 09:34 AM

A personal favourite is the "Rodeo" position,
During "doggy-style" sex, deliberately call her by another girl's name (an ex-girlfriend usually works best), and see how long you can stay on.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 09:50 AM

Cramp

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: mooman
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 10:00 AM

96

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: MarkS
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 12:22 PM

Hum while you kiss her.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: bobad
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 01:29 PM

Yelling "Thar she blows" when you do.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 01:35 PM

Moby Dick

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 01:57 PM

anal with a donkey

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 08:13 PM

when the baby's squeaky toy, or frog goes 'ribbit ribbit'
as it somehow got underneath..

or 'skin'farts

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Mr Red
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 10:10 AM

No133 confusing asma with hissing .................

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 11:58 AM

Bengay

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: bobad
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 12:03 PM

Tiger Balm.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 12:40 PM

Waking the children

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 12:41 PM

Waking the street

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 12:41 PM

Waking the town

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 12:41 PM

Waking your partner

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 01:01 PM

Saying " Thank goodness my fridge doesn't make that noise when I take my meat out"

G.

[I'll get my coat!]

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: sapper82
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 05:18 PM

Playing "hunt the condom" afterwards?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 07:13 PM

printing out and reading this thread aloud as "foreplay warnings"

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John J
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 07:19 PM

Good heavens, you lot are funny!

Thanks for the entertainment, keep it coming!

john

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: skarpi
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 08:05 PM

$%"#$%$"%"%$"&%&%&&"%"#%
Susssssss,
Women on " Topp " Ihaaaaaaa

no proplems :>))

not here anyway
All the best Skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 08:52 PM

Blumpkins, Blue Siroccoes, Donkey Punches, Hot Carls, Chocolate Ashcrofts and Cleveland Steamers.



Especially during Lent.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Peace
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 08:59 PM

"giok definitely uncouth crass jerk"

I disagree with you. He has great wit, good humour and he's a real nice guy. So, dear GUEST, go shag mud. That's an OK sexual thing. Lenny Bruce said so, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 09:04 PM

And performing a Screaming Nun does not work well for foreplay.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 09:21 PM

Cuddling afterwards.... with the cat!

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 12:12 AM

A David Copperfield is pretty nasty too.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 03:19 AM

Never ASSUME ...










That the partner who eagerly joins you for premarital sex...
























Will necessarily have any interest at all in postmarital sex.


John

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST,Lee Edge
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 05:04 AM

Vick?

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 05:23 AM

Vick is OK

I agree that someone smelling of Vic - is something else.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Dec 05 - 10:04 PM

CLICK HERE FOR MORE

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 08:36 AM

Never, never wipe your d**k on her new curtains.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 08:51 AM

Never tell her her motherfather/sister/brother was better.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 09:25 AM

Don I've been stopping myself posting that one right from the start!
G

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 11:56 AM

Why?

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 12:00 PM

Bit too vivid an image?
G. ☺

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: yrlancslad
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 08:43 PM

Yeah, sends her through the F***ing roof though!

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 09:07 PM

I was going to post to this thread earlier, but I'll be in trouble with her if I do....

A seasonal one this.
Forgetting to turn the heating on in the bedroom as you go to bed. There are other ways to stay warm, but they seem less of a good idea if there's frost on the inside of the window....

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: Claymore
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 11:32 AM

Get the panty hose off first...

Subject: RE: BS: Sexual No Nos.
From: The Shambles
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 11:45 AM

Hers or yours?