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A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat

Helen 15 Jan 99 - 01:28 AM
Rincon Roy 15 Jan 99 - 02:32 AM
KingBrilliant 15 Jan 99 - 06:17 AM
Peter T. 15 Jan 99 - 08:22 AM
Bert 15 Jan 99 - 10:47 AM
catspaw49 15 Jan 99 - 01:17 PM
catspaw49 15 Jan 99 - 01:33 PM
Helen 15 Jan 99 - 05:16 PM
John Twomey 15 Jan 99 - 06:23 PM
katlaughing 15 Jan 99 - 09:29 PM
bob 16 Jan 99 - 12:27 AM
bob 16 Jan 99 - 12:29 AM
bob 16 Jan 99 - 12:30 AM
bob 16 Jan 99 - 12:34 AM
catspaw49 16 Jan 99 - 12:54 PM
catspaw49 16 Jan 99 - 06:48 PM
catspaw49 16 Jan 99 - 09:22 PM
catspaw49 17 Jan 99 - 08:08 AM
Alice 17 Jan 99 - 11:08 AM
catspaw49 17 Jan 99 - 11:48 AM
Art Thieme 17 Jan 99 - 12:10 PM
rick fielding 17 Jan 99 - 03:50 PM
Alice 17 Jan 99 - 04:16 PM
catspaw49 17 Jan 99 - 04:34 PM
Alice 17 Jan 99 - 04:59 PM
catspaw49 17 Jan 99 - 05:06 PM
rick fielding 17 Jan 99 - 05:32 PM
Alice 17 Jan 99 - 05:45 PM
catspaw49 17 Jan 99 - 08:46 PM
Cuilionn 17 Jan 99 - 09:52 PM
Alice 17 Jan 99 - 10:32 PM
catspaw49 17 Jan 99 - 11:39 PM
Helen 18 Jan 99 - 01:23 AM
Rasta 18 Jan 99 - 01:32 AM
Alice 18 Jan 99 - 10:37 AM
catspaw49 18 Jan 99 - 10:53 AM
Art Thieme 18 Jan 99 - 11:51 AM
Barry Finn 18 Jan 99 - 03:48 PM
Alice 18 Jan 99 - 06:45 PM
rick fielding 19 Jan 99 - 10:02 AM
Helen 22 Jan 99 - 05:46 PM
catspaw49 22 Jan 99 - 09:39 PM
Alice 22 Jan 99 - 09:53 PM
Helen 22 Jan 99 - 11:07 PM
Alice 22 Jan 99 - 11:07 PM
Frank in NJ 22 Jan 99 - 11:57 PM
Frank in NJ 23 Jan 99 - 12:04 AM
Frank in NJ 23 Jan 99 - 12:13 AM
Alice 23 Jan 99 - 11:50 AM
Helen 23 Jan 99 - 04:39 PM
Helen 23 Jan 99 - 04:53 PM
LEJ 22 May 99 - 07:27 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 23 May 99 - 03:35 AM
Helen 23 May 99 - 08:32 AM
Banjer 23 May 99 - 09:00 AM
Dave Swan 23 May 99 - 01:39 PM
Banjer 23 May 99 - 01:54 PM
Lonesome EJ 23 May 99 - 03:56 PM
Alice 23 May 99 - 04:24 PM
catspaw49 23 May 99 - 04:34 PM
Helen 24 May 99 - 07:49 AM
Helen 24 May 99 - 07:57 AM
Helen 24 May 99 - 08:05 AM
sharon 24 May 99 - 03:10 PM
Banjer 24 May 99 - 06:24 PM
Peter T. 25 May 99 - 09:32 AM
Amos 09 Aug 01 - 11:50 PM
catspaw49 10 Aug 01 - 12:39 AM
Amos 10 Aug 01 - 12:54 AM
Jack the Sailor 10 Aug 01 - 01:11 AM
GUEST 10 Aug 01 - 07:22 PM
Helen 10 Aug 01 - 08:22 PM
Helen 31 Aug 04 - 07:54 AM
s&r 31 Aug 04 - 08:31 AM
Helen 31 Aug 04 - 04:22 PM
Lonesome EJ 19 Mar 05 - 02:16 PM
Amos 19 Mar 05 - 03:19 PM
Helen 19 Mar 05 - 06:19 PM
katlaughing 19 Mar 05 - 06:54 PM
Helen 26 Sep 08 - 07:40 PM
Helen 26 Sep 08 - 07:41 PM
Alice 26 Sep 08 - 10:55 PM
Helen 21 Aug 10 - 08:53 PM
Helen 29 Apr 16 - 11:36 PM
Helen 30 Apr 16 - 02:13 PM
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Subject: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 01:28 AM

Okay. I've been reading the thread about what sort of condoms Mudcateers prefer, and I have come to the conclusion that we can talk about any topic in the world and manage to think laterally, find related & unrelated topics, write or recite songs, stories, poems or jokes about it, and generally have a really interesting time, even if it doesn't stay right on topic.

So, I'm issuing a story/song/poem/joke writing challenge. I tried to think of 3 unrelated items and I eventually decided on:

a flea, an orange, and a bicycle seat.

I want to see the creative and lateral thinking manifestations that you all bring forth, even if it is only *discussions* on the topics - but the challenge is to make a cohesive piece of writing which inludes the 3 items. You can bring in other items as long as it isn't just a long list without some sort of idea behind it.

Meanwhile I'll work on my own creation and get back to you.

I hope you'll accept my challenge. And, I am open to suggestions for modifications to the idea.

Helen P.S. Keep on laughing and thinking - that's why I stay around the Mudcat site.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Rincon Roy
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 02:32 AM

once I rode, no bicycle seat, leaned too far and fell into a street. But first I landed on my seat! So I'm a flea brain, and worser poet, but even I know you can't rhyme "orange!" & a pox on the guy who hollered, "door hinge."

Now look what you made me do!


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 06:17 AM

A flea-bitten old dog in a dirty street. Discarded bottles and a bycicle seat. Clutching an orange in a wet paper bag, the boy smokes the butt of a stranger's fag.

yurk!! This is really bringing out the worst in people... evil thread!!


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Peter T.
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 08:22 AM

A flea, an orange, and a bicycle seat go into a bar, where they meet an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman. The flea immediately takes to the Englishman (scratch the flea). The orange and the Irishman (who is not an Orangeman) do not get on from the start. The bicycle seat and the Scotsman start off well, but finally they have an argument and the bicycle seat leaves in a rage. The flea says, why don't you chat up the orange instead, and the Scotsman says, no, I think I'll wait for the bicycle seat to come back. After all, these things go in cycles.

Yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Bert
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 10:47 AM

That brings to mind a Scottish poem I once heard.
Something about a Skate, a Herring Board and a Lum Hat wantin' a Croon.

Bert.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 01:17 PM

A flea
an orange
a bicycle seat
hmmm
a test


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 01:33 PM

So Okay, Helen...I fear my fellow 'catter may be right. This is an evil thread!!!! But, in that case......

A flea whiffed at my bicycle seat
And inquired, "Son, what do you eat?"
Says I, "One orange a day!"
He says, "Don't smell that way,"
"This is more like a polecat in HEAT!"

OR

"Neath a flatulent, bike riding Lass
Rode a flea, overcome by her gas.
"This bicycle seat's not for me,"
Gasped the poor flea,
"Unless she sticks an orange up her ass."

My apologies to all...but,uh...well......catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 05:16 PM

I knew it! I knew you guys could write about anything in a funny creative way.

More, please, pleeeeeaaaaaaaase.

Helen

PS I'm not going to complain about mildly crass contributions, but obviously we have to keep it within the bounds of relatively/Mudcatly polite company.

Caution to others: if you don't like it please read the other threads instead - except the condom thread of course.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: John Twomey
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 06:23 PM

At the house in the middle lives a little bitty flea, he sings to the dog, "you can't catch me." you can scratch, you can itch, you can roll in the ditch, but you can't catch me cause I'm a little bitty flea.

The doggy mounted up high on a bicycle seat, and took off a-rolling down the street, he balanced an orange on the tip of his nose, thinking 'isn't this neat, what a wonderfull feat.'

This tale is true as the day I was borned, Don't call me a liar cause I won't be scorned, you can scratch, you can itch, you can roll in a ditch, but I won't be forlorn if I can't rhyme orange.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jan 99 - 09:29 PM

A bicyle seat is slant and narrow, An orange rolls off and falls in the barrow, Hits a flea upon his head, "Ow!" cries he "I thought they said YOU wouldn't hurt a flea!"

OR

My Lady sits and peels an orange, Upon her bicyle seat while pedaling She's gone to work in the circus, From there who knows where she is heading?

And:

The up and down and pumping On a bicylce seat reminds me Of orange-eating fleas in winter And lovers in bed a'scratching!

One more 'cause it's so MUCH FUN! This one is based on growing up in Colorado where a lot of idiots used to come to hunt poor Bambies and usually wound up shooting either each other or a resident cow!

Steathily, grunting, liquored up They climb the hills together, Eyes bloodshot and their rifles cocked They're out to shoot a mother.

They have some oranges in their pockets, And orange garments all over their bodies, When they find a carcass of their own, On a bicyle seat in a wadi!

I can't help it! Make me stop! Aaarggghhhh.....!

Sexy Susie Sucks an Orange Rides on a bicylce seat to Sara's Says She to Her, "I never knew, There's Fleas in the Sahara!"

NOW, GO SING "SAHARA, NOW YOU'RE DRY LIKE ME!" (great old Prohibition tune!)


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: bob
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:27 AM

One time I goed crazy,a dream come to me thought I's walkin with a world-worn flea in my dream ther's nobody else around cept an orange in a tree, hangin down climbed up th trunk highs I could go but the fruit was outta reach, and I told th flea so said th flea to me "don't worry yer head I'll climb up on the branch instead alls I really need from you is some means of travel, a rock or a shoe or any old thing that you might find see I'll sit on it and you can send me flyin" so down goes I and I walks around lookin for flea-fliers on th ground then what should I kick with my stumblin feet some body dropped their bicycle seat! well I picked it up and on jumps th flea and I flung him up in that citrus tree I said "come on, boy, drop that orange down" but the flea just laughed sayin "Ain't you a clown!" He said "I got better things to do than sit in th dirt eatin lunch with you" now I don't mind sayin,it made me swear to watch that flea puttin on airs and as I start to stomp and steam thats where i wake up from this crazy dream now a very wise man once said all them dreams is just in yer head but my advice is of a different kind you give me half of yer orange I'll give you half of mine


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: bob
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:29 AM

One time I goed crazy,a dream come to me thought I's walkin with a world-worn flea in my dream ther's nobody else around cept an orange in a tree, hangin down climbed up th trunk highs I could go but the fruit was outta reach, and I told th flea so said th flea to me "don't worry yer head I'll climb up on the branch instead alls I really need from you is some means of travel, a rock or a shoe or any old thing that you might find see I'll sit on it and you can send me flyin" so down goes I and I walks around lookin for flea-fliers on th ground then what should I kick with my stumblin feet some body dropped their bicycle seat! well I picked it up and on jumps th flea and I flung him up in that citrus tree I said "come on, boy, drop that orange down" but the flea just laughed sayin "Ain't you a clown!" He said "I got better things to do than sit in th dirt eatin lunch with you" now I don't mind sayin,it made me swear to watch that flea puttin on airs and as I start to stomp and steam thats where i wake up from this crazy dream now a very wise man once said all them dreams is just in yer head but my advice is of a different kind you give me half of yer orange I'll give you half of mine


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: bob
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:30 AM

One time I goed crazy,a dream come to me thought I's walkin with a world-worn flea in my dream ther's nobody else around cept an orange in a tree, hangin down climbed up th trunk highs I could go but the fruit was outta reach, and I told th flea so said th flea to me "don't worry yer head I'll climb up on the branch instead alls I really need from you is some means of travel, a rock or a shoe or any old thing that you might find see I'll sit on it and you can send me flyin" so down goes I and I walks around lookin for flea-fliers on th ground then what should I kick with my stumblin feet some body dropped their bicycle seat! well I picked it up and on jumps th flea and I flung him up in that citrus tree I said "come on, boy, drop that orange down" but the flea just laughed sayin "Ain't you a clown!" He said "I got better things to do than sit in th dirt eatin lunch with you" now I don't mind sayin,it made me swear to watch that flea puttin on airs and as I start to stomp and steam thats where i wake up from this crazy dream now a very wise man once said all them dreams is just in yer head but my advice is of a different kind you give me half of yer orange I'll give you half of mine


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: bob
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:34 AM

sorry bout the triple posting....computer glitch


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:54 PM

Michael row the boat ashore, hallelujah
He sang this song forevermore,hallelu.u.jah

He thought his paddle boat was really neat, hallelujaah
Pushed the pedals from a bicycle seat,hallelu.u.jah

Michael reached for a little snack,hallelujah
Took an orange from his lunch sack,hallelu.u.jah

But the bag was full of fleas,hallelujah
And he prayed to the Lord "Oh Please",hallelu.u.jah

"Kill this biting,scratchy horde," hallelujah
"How have I displeased you Lord," hallelu.u.jah

The Lord spoke,"You've done nothing wrong," hallelujah
"I just can't stand this freaking song," hallelu.u.jah

Michael's boat's on the ocean floor,hallelujah
We don't have to sing this song NO MORE,hallelu.u.jah!

or to "Irish Washerwoman"....

My dental dam's shaped like a bicycle seat,
And it tastes like an orange which I find really neat
It protects me against AIDS and most STD's,
But I only wish it would kill off the fleas.

Sorry...But thought I'd pay tribute to 2 other threads currently running.....catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 06:48 PM

To the tune of "Yellow Rose of Texas"

Fair Helen rode down to the store to get an orange to eat
She peeled and ate it deep in thought, resting 'gainst her bicycle seat
"Catters think that their brain power could heat Oak Ridge Tennessee
But all their brains together, could not warm a flea.

Helen had a great idea, while thinking 'bout that flea
She leapt upon her bicycle seat and rode home merrily
With the orange to energize her, she sat before her screen
And she issued a great challenge, but it's met now as you've seen.

catspaw...by the way, where's yours Helen?


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jan 99 - 09:22 PM

To the tune of "Ashokan Farewell"

My bicycle seat has ruined my prostate
A flea seems to have bitten me square on the ass
The orange that I snacked on may have been rotten
And it's given me a god-awful case of bad gas.

I'm obcessive,compulsive,
This thread's driving me crazy
A flea and an orange
And a bicycle seat
If I don't stop now
Karen's going to kill me
And they'll carry me out, covered o'er with a sheet.

I am O/C and this type thing drives me nuts. There's always another one lurking somewhere...catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 08:08 AM

Helen...Helen...Oh, Helen....Where is your submission to your thread?

You were "working on your own" and after submitting such a challenge you need to follow through...

Helen?...Helen?....C'mon now...Fingers stuck in your harp strings?

Helen...We're waiting..............

catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 11:08 AM

Tune of Auld Lang Syne

Should all the 'catters scratch their heads,
And dare to bring to mind,
A clever thought for these poor threads,
Dead flea, bike seat, orange rind?

We've wandered many a weary night,
Through lists of lyrics fine,
But now discussions make us bored,
Been there, done that, ten times.

We've reached the evil fate of late,
With age, place, face, and kind,
Of writing more about ourselves
Than instruments and rhyme.

So here's a hand for Helen fair
Give us a song of thine,
Many thanks for inspiration here,
And now you've read all mine.

alice in montana


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 11:48 AM

ALRIGHT ALICE !!!! TREMENDOUS EFFORT !!!

AND...A TRUE SENTIMWNT TO BOOT !!!

(minor deduction: substitution "bike" for "bicycle"

but...GREAT JOB !!! ***CHEERS***APPLAUSE***BRAVO***

Uh, Helen? Where's yours ???

catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Art Thieme
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 12:10 PM

Amazing---a flea lit on an orange,
And sucked like a babe with his teat,
He once was lost, but now has found,
It smells better than a bicycle seat.

Art


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: rick fielding
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 03:50 PM

To Montan'Alice, I've read your postings, and of course my curiosity got the best of me and I checked out your website. All interesting and well done, and THEN I see your Auld Lang Syne parody. Whooooo! (sharp intake of breath) If you haven't as yet been recognised by your state as a national treasure, then it's long overdue.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 04:16 PM

...thank you, ...thank you very much


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 04:34 PM

Yes, things are coming along fine. Rick: perhaps there is a "Poet Laureate" vacancy for her.

Alice: If nominated, will you accept? Rick and I will provide the nomination and the second.

Art: lacks a little grace,so to speak,but an acceptable contribution.

But...HELEN!!!...HEY,HELEN...PLEASE COME SEE US HELEN!!!..as it's creator, you "owe" something to your thread.

catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 04:59 PM

Since we are so close to Burns night, I have such tunes running through my mind.

Comin' Through the Rye

Gin a body meet a body, comin' tho' the rye,
Gin a body kiss a body, need a body cry?
Ilka poet has her lyric,
No fleas on me, say I
And all the lads they smile on me, when comin' thro' the rye.

Gin a body meet a body, comin frae the well,
Gin a body kiss a body, need a body tell?
Ilka cycle seat caused callous,
Let me walk, say I
And all the lads they smile on me, when comin' thro' the rye.

Gin a body meet a body, comin' frae the town,
Gin a body greet a body greet a body, need a body gloom,
Ilka orange is sweet and juicy,
So they say am I,
And all the lads they lo'e me weel, And what the waur am I?

(see what you've done, now you've gone and turned me bawdy, and I haven't even participated in the condom thread.)

alice in montana


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 05:06 PM

But Alice, now we're getting all of you, both "bawdy" and soul.

Another fine work as I'm sure Rick will agree. Makes the Poet Laureate process far simpler when we have such a bawdy of work to draw on for our nomination speeches.

HELEN?......ARE YOU OUT THERE HELEN?.........catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: rick fielding
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 05:32 PM

All right Alice, this is getting to be a little much! We've ascertained that you can draw, paint, write, raise a child, design a web-site, play and sing music, compose in the style of the great Scotish bard, and goodness knows what else! I need to know: Are you a great cook, can you stop a leaky faucet, build a bookshelf, and change the oil in your car? If so, I'm nominating you for Governor of Montana. (Minnesota's already taken)


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 05:45 PM

Building bookshelves!! How did you know that was my next project? The lady that has rented my basement rooms for the last 2 years is moving out, and I can now have the space to create a library in the family room downstairs.
Yes, I can cook and bake, but don't have time except around holidays, yes, I've had to do some plumbing (replace a toilet, the usual homeowner stuff) but if anyone could come here and get my snowblower to start, I would really appreciate it. I think I need to take the spark plug out and clean it, but I just don't want to deal with it.

alice in montana, where the driveway is covered with snow.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 08:46 PM

STILL WAITING ON YOU HELEN....FAIR HELEN,WHERE ART THOU?

catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Cuilionn
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 09:52 PM

Th' dreadfu' web o' circumstance: a sonnet

'Tis lang, o'erlang, I've waitit, makin' maen. A sufferin' lass wi' ample seat, less wheels, But nae mair can I rest, fair feshed, alane. This sturdy frame an unco' rough road feels!

Aiblins I'd hop frae lad tae lad, like some Fair lasses, mimicin' wee blastit fleas, Oor act th' cricket, guidmon's haerth tae warm, But och! twa legs, nae six, an' puir tae please.

Forgie th' road an' hame, then. I'll gae root mysel' an' crookit graw, like some auld tree. I'll hang mysel' wi' oranges, temptin' fruit... An' laddies then shall twine an' clamber me!

Nae wheel, nae hoppin' heicht, nae ripened gold... Och, wae is me, nane hae I; I, nane hauld!!!

That wis muckle guid fun...thanks!

--Cuilionn


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 10:32 PM

--Cuilionn, very gude.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jan 99 - 11:39 PM

Well, there ya' go !!! If we ain't hittin' all the points then Lord I don't know what......and Lord knows I don't know what....'course there's been a lot of days in my (some say misspent) youth that I wasn't none too hot on where, when, or why either. Come to think of it, the older I get, I find I STILL ain't too good with any of 'em. But there is one thing I believe can be said...

WE HAVEN'T SEEN OR HEARD FROM HELEN...YO'...HELEN!!!!!

catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 01:23 AM

Okay, Here's my contribution. As a matter of fact I couldn't think of amything to write for a couple of days and you all overwhelmed me with your creative responses so I just sat down and wrote this today - which I had vaguely been toying with in my head over the weekend.

I'm starting to think that we should make this a regular event - pick three items at random and challenge the creative Mudcat geniuses - singular and collective - to create.

Helen

PS I hope the paragraph breaks format properly. ****************

One day a flea decided that he was tired of living in the poorer part of town, living in run-down houses and feeding off malnourished people. He wanted luxurious surroundings and the taste of rich foods in the blood of his parasitic hosts. Even though he loved the dried-blood colour of the walls and hallways of his apartment block, because it reminded him of food, he was sure that a better future awaited him somewhere else. He didn't want to leave his friends and family either, but he wanted more from life than he could ever get by living here. So, he hopped out of a second storey window, floated down in the breeze and proceeded to hop northward to the better part of town.

He kept on hoppping forward,never turning back, and when evening fell he hopped into a very fancy looking bar. It wasn't just any local pub or bar, it was a club bar with soft music and plush pile carpet and velvet upholstery on the seats. He hopped around under the tables looking at all of the patrons until, suddenly across the room, he saw exactly what he was looking for.

Sitting alone at a table there was a very elegant lady in a pale coloured business suit. She was delicately peeling an orange, without getting any of the juice on herself or her suit. The flea decided that he wanted to go home with this beautiful lady so he hopped over and found a hiding place in her rather large handbag. He couldn't work out why this elegant lady should have a bicycle seat in her handbag, but he was so pleased to have found her that he just snuggled down and rested after his long day, and savoured his pleasant sense of anticipation about the wonderful place he would live in from now on.

After a while the flea was awoken by movement. He looked up from inside the handbag and saw that the lady was getting ready to leave the bar. He watched from his hiding place as she gathered her things together, smoothed her clothes, picked up her handbag and walked towards the exit. He was curious when he realised that she was walking towards the rear exit of the bar, and watched as they came out into a back lane. He crawled up to the top edge of the handbag so that he could get a cleared view and watched as the lady went over to a bicycle chained to a lamppost. It didn't have a bicycle seat, but she took the bicycle seat and a screwdriver out of her handbag and proceeded to screw the seat onto the bicycle.

By this time the flea was very intrigued. Why would such an elegant lady, who appeared to be able to afford the most luxurious car, be riding a bicycle parked in a back lane behind a bar?

In a very short time the lady had attached the bicycle seat, wiped her hands on a cloth and replaced the cloth in a neat little plastic bag, strapped her belongings onto the carry rack, and then hitched up her skirt and rode down the lane and out onto the street. The flea watched and was happy to see that she rode northward along the street, but when she reached the fourth corner she turned left and then left again and started heading southward along another street.

She rode on and on until the flea fell asleep with the rocking motion of the bicycle. He awoke with a start as he heard the bicycle being clunk-clunk-clunked up some stairs. He climbed up onto the rim of the handbag, looked around him and saw, to his horror, the same walls painted the colour of dried blood which he had left that morning before his big adventure. Surely the lady couldn't live here, in his part of town. She was far too rich and elegant to live here, but he heard her talking to a man as she entered her flat.

"Hi Honey, I'm home", she said. "I know I said it would be worthwhile getting that fancy job in town, wearing fancy clothes and going to fancy places, but I'm always so much happier getting back here to our own little flat. It's not luxurious but it's home."

The flea reeled in shock and fell back down into the handbag. All of his travelling had been in vain. He was tired after his long day, he hadn't sucked even one drop of blood since breakfast, and now he would have to start looking for a place to live all over again.

Then, a thought struck him. If he stayed in this flat, lived off these people, and then stowed away in the lady's handbag every day he could have the best of both worlds. He could still live in his own neighbourhood, close to his friends and family, but he could travel to the centre of the city every day in the handbag and have big adventures and suck the blood of lots of people who lived on rich, tasty foods.

He finally decided that he was in flea heaven here after all.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Rasta
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 01:32 AM

a flea ,there a shortage of fleas on the east coast an orange anyone who listens to Gary Null of Natural Living Fame (hope im not alone, you know Gary Null) knows that an orange is good for you and then some.----and bicycle seats well they just make em too damn small. --Alice, great poem. Have you ever heard The Kingston Trio do a song called Oh Miss Mary it was on an album called College concert UCLA. they now have it on a remake called An Evening with the kingston trio----justs thouht you might like the song. Keep on keepin on Rastaaaaa

ps; just find a banjo picker ,bring em out to your sno-blower. the sno-blower will start rite up,bite the banjo player and run off to the forest, you ll never see yer sno_blower again.-----beg borrow or steal a cresent wrench or socket take out the spark plug, dry it off make sure the gas has not gone bad, put plug back in and if it doesnt start call Bob Villa from this old house. he ll wrap it in sheet rock


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 10:37 AM

eeeewwww.... Thanks, anyway, Rasta, but I can't stand Bob Villa. He can't walk by anything without rapping on it with his knuckles, and it sets my teeth on edge. Norm Abrams is the builder who really knows what he is doing.
Don't you love it? Mudcat threads go ANYWHERE!
alice


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 10:53 AM

Well ain't this great??? We've now not only heard from Helen with her endearing story, but now we've learned about banjo pickers and snow blowers as well.

Helen made a comment at the top of her post about doing this now and again using different subjects and I'd like to see it happen. These threads are always so varied. From world worn fleas to snow blowers running off into the woods....Dental dams shaped like bicycle seats to sonnets. Oh we are a weird bunch !!!!!

catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Art Thieme
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 11:51 AM

how about a c....m, d....l dam and IUD (If you're dyslexic it's DUI (driving under the influence.)


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Barry Finn
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 03:48 PM

Art please, I'm dyslexic as well as an agnostic with insomnia. I stayed awake all last night contemplating the meaning of Dog. Barry


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 18 Jan 99 - 06:45 PM

OK, Art, if you start a new challenge, you have to start a new thread... so we can find it in a forum search when someone in the future wants to discuss the subject.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: rick fielding
Date: 19 Jan 99 - 10:02 AM

Mont'alice, how right you are about good ol' Norm, but before we go any further..let's talk about shop safety. Before you design any more web pages, start any snow blowers, or pick out any 6/8 tunes...remember, wear your safety glasses!

By the way, here in Toronto, we've had five days of snow, and the city's in total chaos. The mayor has called in the Canadian Army!! We have become a laughing stock to the rest of the country. Guess I'd better get out there and shovel some more.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 22 Jan 99 - 05:46 PM

What, have we all run out of steam on this thread? I hope not - it was a lot of fun and then Mudcat went down for a short time, or something and maybe the thread got lost or forgotten at the end of the list.

Surely there are some more creative Mudcateer contributions - or do you want me or someone else to come up with a new creative challenge?? (Is this a threat or a promise? ;-> )

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Jan 99 - 09:39 PM

Sorry Helen, I gave this one my best shot. I've been thinking about topics for the next; like anhydrous ammonia, reef sharks, and catheters. Or maybe 3 easier ones, but since this is basically a song site, we all have to write to the same tune...and all 3 things cannot appear in the same line (too easy). Be thinkin' about it if this one dies.catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 22 Jan 99 - 09:53 PM

Roll On Columbia
(by alice, sorry Woody)

My bicylce made by Columbia Elite,
For my comfort had a soft bicycle seat,
I sped down the street peeling oranges so neat,
The members of Greenpeace would say,

Roll on, Columbia roll on,
Roll on, Columbia roll on,
Your power is p.c. and doesn't take brawn,
So roll on, Columbia, roll on.

I only ate oranges and apples and pears
I protested killings of bison and bears
The loggers were jobless, but I said "who cares",BR> And all of the vegans would say,

Roll on, Columbia roll on,
Roll on, Columbia roll on,
Your power is veggie, let's graze on the lawn,
So roll on, Columbia, roll on.

The food co-op taught me to stop eating cheese,
To stop using soap or things made out of trees,
But, I found there were many diseases from fleas,
So to all those fanatics I say,

Roll on, Columbia roll on,
Roll on, Columbia roll on,
The power to think for myself isn't gone,
Now roll on, Columbia, roll on.

---------

Gee, I don't know, Helen, I'm having alot of fun... they seem to just write themselves....

alice in montana


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 22 Jan 99 - 11:07 PM

Yes, Alice, I agree. My story sort of wrote itself, too. It's interesteing to observe (metaphorically speaking, not literally) the human brain in action.

catspaw49 - "anhydrous ammonia"!! oh, no - this is too much! But I bet some of us could still create something out of those 3 things.

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 22 Jan 99 - 11:07 PM

Dear Joe, alias Steve Martin, could you fix that ,BR> for me in the second verse? thanks. alice


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Frank in NJ
Date: 22 Jan 99 - 11:57 PM

Thygift, thy tables, within my brain

becon me tho racked in pain

post perched on nest of Spanish leather

sun so hot, seems orange weather

cause journey on, thru hill and hollick

thru glen and grove, my pedal rollick

oh freedom from these heavy boots

dost draw me on, t'ward evenings roost

perchance to dream, with family flea

lo end, wot day o' agony.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Frank in NJ
Date: 23 Jan 99 - 12:04 AM

Thygift, thy tables, within my brain

becon me tho racked in pain

post perched on nest of Spanish leather

sun so hot, seems orange weather

cause journey on, thru hill and hollick

thru glen and grove, my pedal rollick

oh freedom from these heavy boots

dost draw me on, t'ward evenings roost

perchance to dream, with family flea

lo end, wot day o' agony.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Frank in NJ
Date: 23 Jan 99 - 12:13 AM

Thygift, thy tables, within my brain

becon me tho racked in pain

post perched on nest of Spanish leather

sun so hot, seems orange weather

cause journey on, thru hill and hollick

thru glen and grove, my pedal rollick

oh freedom from these heavy boots

dost draw me on, t'ward evenings roost

perchance to dream, with family flea

lo end, wot day o' agony.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 23 Jan 99 - 11:50 AM

O Frank, thy pen doth please me.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 23 Jan 99 - 04:39 PM

Yay, verily Frank, and it doth pleaseth me greatly, forsooth.

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 23 Jan 99 - 04:53 PM

Here's a bit of Kulcha (Oz term for "culture") for youse all.

In case you need to know what the hell he was prattling on about - the poet is saying that even though his lady friend is denying him the right to have sex with her, the flea has managed what the poet couldn't, by biting her & sucking her blood and then biting him, so that a third entity has both his & her blood in its body (the flea is used as a metaphor for a child they may have produced by having sex).

Cute, ha? Well, actually very, very contrived, but I like it. You have to put it in the context of courtly love - they were into platonic adulterous relationships where they liked to wind each other up into a sexual frenzy but then not do anything physical to resolve it.

Kind of like cyber-sex when you come to think about it - or is that "think about coming ..." ? Never mind. We don't want to get back into that condom discussion, do we? > or more likely

Helen

THE FLEA

JOHN DONNE John Donne (1571-1631)

Mark but this flea, and mark in this, How little that which thou deny'st me is; It sucked me first, and now sucks thee, And in this flea, our two bloods mingled be; Thou knowest that this cannot be said A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead. Yet this enjoys before it woo, And pampered, swells with one blood made of two, And this, alas, is more than we would do.

Oh stay, three lives in one flea spare, Where we almost, yea, more than married are. This flea is you and I, and this Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is; Though parents grudge, and you, we are met And cloistered in these living walls of jet. Though use make you apt to kill me, Let not to that self murder added be, And sacrilege, three sins in killing three.

Cruel and sudden, hast thou since Purpled thy nail in blood of innocence? Wherein could this flea guilty be Except in that drop which it sucked from thee? Yet thou triumph'st, and sayest that thou Find'st not thyself, nor me, the weaker now. 'Tis true, then learn how false fears be; Just so much honor, when thou yieldst to me, Will waste, as this flea's death took life from thee.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: LEJ
Date: 22 May 99 - 07:27 PM

This thread was the one that first hooked me on the Mudcat. It is an exercise in pure insanity and creativity. At the time I didn't know any of you. Now I find it even funnier. I posted the satire on Talkin World War 3 Blues . It was my first post, and I called myself "Bob".

LEJ


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 23 May 99 - 03:35 AM

Leej--this one ran while my monitor was in the hospital and I couldn't find the modem cable for my laptop, so I missed it first time around. Thanks for reviving it. And Helen, I kept waiting for the punch line on your story--I thought it was going to be about the bicycle hooker who pedaled (peddled) her ass all over town. --seed


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 23 May 99 - 08:32 AM

Seed, I never thought of that one, but glad you did!

Hey catspaw, is it time for the anhydrous ammonia, reef sharks, and catheters literary challenge yet or does the word catheter bring tears to your eyes now? If so, I'm truly sorry to have brought this to your attention.

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Banjer
Date: 23 May 99 - 09:00 AM

Oooooh, Helen, you're vicious....But Gawd, we love it. I have yet to do something with three objects I recognize, the flea, orange and bicycle seat, and here you go throwing out things I can hardly even pronounce.

Let's see....

Once was a flea thought he was neat,
A'sittin' on his bicycle seat
But what he thought was a seat for real,
Weren't nuthin' but an orange peel,
How really sad it would be
To be as dumb as that little flea!

I disclaim any knowledge of the above!


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Dave Swan
Date: 23 May 99 - 01:39 PM

I don't usually take missing persons cases, but the landlord was looking for do-re-mi of the folding kind and I had no job in sight.

When the phone rang I dove on it like a prom date. She had a voice made to cause trouble. " I saw your ad in the Yellow Pages, it's cute. I like the part about musician and private investigator. Other guys were busy, but I figured you could use the work."

Cute. Real musicians have day jobs sister. But I swallowed hard and took her address. Life not's easy when you play the shawm.

I pulled on the trenchcoat and walked out into the humid, clingy night. Not a breath of air moved. It was one of those days the whole world smelled like a bicycle seat half way through the Tour de France.

I reached her middle of the block address in a middle of the road part of town and knocked on the door. She told me to come in. That here's trouble voice again. I pushed open the door and caught sight of the body the animators wished they had drawn when they created Jessica Rabbit. She was in a sun dress and it was dark out.

She was having a late snack. Coffee black, a bagel. Peeling an orange with her nail file.

" Mr. Reed ? Come in, I'm just spending some time with the boys."

She sat behind a desk covered in tiny chariots, musical instruments, costumes and scenery.

She handed me her card. Rita Mesa. Mesa's Performing Fleas. Motion Pictures, Television, Special Occasions.

Her freckels were moving.

"Don't you just love them ? Cutest little bastards in the world, and stong. Every night after rehearsal I let them sit on me this way. I kiss them all before they go to bed."

The itch which needed scratching when I laid eyes on Miss Mesa's contours wasn't the same itch anymore.

" Let me put them away. Ozzie, come here pal."

A tired looking Samoyed padded into the room and stood next to Rita's chair. " O.K. guys, off you go." The fleas leapt for the dog and hung in the air for a second before landing. I swear to you, it was a formation jump in the shape of champagne glass. "Here's your Benadryl, Oz. Remember, no scratching."

The dog sighed and left.

I asked about the case, I was shaky as a lawyer's morals and needed some reality.

" Oh, Stavros is missing, just tonight. I kissed him good night, counted the boys, and he came up missing. I love him to death, Mr. Reed. I know he hasn't been gone long, but I'd do anything to have him back."

She turned her smile on me for the first time. Promise written on perfect lips, teeth like the keys of a new Steinway. Then her smile widened, revealing the most minute imperfection, and I saw my per diem fall away. No mileage, no phone expenses, no fees for photos or copies. I had the case solved.

" Miss Mesa, that's a plain bagel isn't it ? Not poppy seed. I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Banjer
Date: 23 May 99 - 01:54 PM

You, Mr. Swan are one sick, sick puppy...And by gum I think you'll fit in real well with the rest of us misfits and neerdowells......Whadda ya think gang, we oughta keep him?


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 May 99 - 03:56 PM

That post cut into this thread like a shiny shiv in a dark alley. It caught my attention like a leghold trap in a hot tub.In fact, it knocked me over like a 7-11 in the bad part of town.

Don't get me started.

LEJ


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 23 May 99 - 04:24 PM

Dave, just like Nick Danger, you have stolen my heart. My Samoyed, Leo, is lounging on the couch as I type this, waiting for me to get offline and pay some serious attention to the Milkbone situation. Luckily, the cold winter weather here deters the flea population. Brilliant. You're a keeper.

alice in montana


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 May 99 - 04:34 PM

First, truly great Dave...you'll fit right in!!!

Second, Helen my dear, it is time for another of your wacky challenges...believe it or not, this thread popped into my head at the hospital (obviously delirious) and I was going to dig it out and ask for your next asap.....so GO FOR IT.......We now have all types of responses from stories to bad jokes to songs to limericks.....so pick out your three best and let's do it again.

catspaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 24 May 99 - 07:49 AM

Welcome Dave,

What you didn't know was that this is really the initiation test - secret handshake and all that. YOu've proven yourself to be as weird and laterally creative as the rest of us, so you're in!

catspaw, I was kind of hoping you or someone else would come up with the next challenge. I like the rules you suggested in this thread, so we just have to think of something completely over the top to start us all off. I have to admit that anhydrous ammonia and catheters don't really do it for me - so what else do you suggest?

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 24 May 99 - 07:57 AM

Just a thought - we could combine this creative challenge with the concept of the thread which related 3 thread names to each other. They would have to be next to each other or near each other to qualify.

For example: Cat hunting - uk folkies - Scotland trip plans

or

Your First Time. Be Honest. - ride the white pony? Rich bitch? - The 'geriatric ' girl scout

I admit, I cheated a bit here - I left about 3 threads out but ... you've got to admit it has interesting possibilities.

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 24 May 99 - 08:05 AM

Still looking at the thread titles for inspiration. I think

Nose Hair & Duct Tape are two definite inclusions, and maybe Weird chords

Someone tell me it's past my bedtime, please. I can feel a story or six coming on.

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: sharon
Date: 24 May 99 - 03:10 PM

A flea, a flea, tis a flea upon me Hit him says mama, hit him. I grabbed an orange and squshy-squash The juice did really git him. But sad I was for drownin' a flee He was such a little tike. Forlorn, i hopped on my bicycle seat, and rode away on my bike.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Banjer
Date: 24 May 99 - 06:24 PM

If you stick the DUCT TAPE up the nose and it catches all the NOSE HAIR the sudden removal of both the tape and the hair will ceratinly prompt some WEIRD CHORDS from the owner of the nose....


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Peter T.
Date: 25 May 99 - 09:32 AM

"She took a sawbuck from a purse made out of the skin of one of those endangered species of which there are just enough left to field a softball team if you don't mind a couple of raccoons filling in as pinch hitters."
--from The Big Recall (Ralph Nader Parody in the National Lampoon a long time ago.) More, Dave, more!
Yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 11:50 PM

When first, fair Miss, thou greeted me,
My blood more timid than a flea,
I could not think nor sleep, nor eat,
But rested on my cycle's seat
Reliving every tone of thine,
And contemplating bliss divine!

Then, fairest miss, thou nearer drew!
And soon my blood more firéd grew
'Til  what was once of little worth
Swells like an orange in its girth!
And every ounce of blood in me,
Demands you set my daemon free.

Now, having started such a change,
Your manner, lady, grows most strange;
No longer do you blithely toy,
But cold are turnéd and most coy!
Until my swelling lower brain,
Defeated, is a flea again!!


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 12:39 AM

Uh, yeah........That's real good Amos! I mean really good............................'Course it took you over two years to write it so I suppose it should be...................Come to think of it though, with over two years in the making and all..........well, it kinda' sucks......................Naw, it's good..............not real timely, but good.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 12:54 AM

Go screw, paddy-whack!! Fact is, it took aboiut fifteen minutes and I first learned of this thread from a reference to it by Miz Helen herself, today, made in the "100 word story" thread. And I think your real complaint is you don't want to be reminded of your younger days, before you were a Mudcat Elder and were just a plain old boob!! And if it's quality of compositions you're after critiquing, I'll spare you the obvious rejoinders....

Love ya, man!

A


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 01:11 AM

Haiku

Flea lands on bicycle seat
Feet sticking,he gets excited
Oops just orange juice

Fleas, Adam had'em
Eve preferred bicycle seat
Eat orange instead


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 07:22 PM


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 08:22 PM

I'm impressed, Amos - speechless in fact.

As for 'Spaw, I'm just about to open the
100 word story thread and see if he has contributed yet.

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=37563&messages=43

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 07:54 AM

Literary challenge reincarnated: read the guidelines and have a go at it.

This should be in BS, but it was created pre-BS, BBS? i.e. Before BS?

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: s&r
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 08:31 AM

An orange you peel, the zest on your tongue
the flesh that you suck and then swallow
The envy I feel - would I were that one
Perhaps it will be me tomorrow

If I were a flea I could bite on your skin
And travel your body all over
Wandering free without or within
I could be your carnivorous lover

The seat of my schemes that I long for so much
Is your bicycle seat "Yes!" he cries
To spend all my dreams pressed close to your crutch
And trapped in the heat of your thighs

Sorry

Stu


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 04:22 PM

Clever, Stu, but scary!! :-)

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 02:16 PM

One time I goed crazy,a dream come to me
thought I's walkin with a world-worn flea
in my dream ther's nobody else around
cept an orange in a tree, hangin down
climbed up th trunk highs I could go
but the fruit was outta reach, and I told th flea so
said th flea to me "don't worry yer head
I'll climb up on the branch instead
alls I really need from you
is some means of travel, a rock or a shoe
or any old thing that you might find
see I'll sit on it and you can send me flyin"
so down goes I and I walks around
lookin for flea-fliers on th ground
then what should I kick with my stumblin feet
some body dropped their bicycle seat!
well I picked it up and on jumps th flea
and I flung him up in that citrus tree
I said "come on, boy, drop that orange down"
but the flea just laughed sayin "Ain't you a clown!"
He said "I got better things to do
than sit in th dirt eatin lunch with you"
now I don't mind sayin,it made me swear
to watch that flea puttin on airs
and as I start to stomp and steam
thats where i wake up from this crazy dream
now a very wise man once said
all them dreams is just in yer head
but my advice is of a different kind
you give me half of yer orange
I'll give you half of mine

I wanted to take the opportunity to clean up my Talkin World-worn Flea Blues. In re-reading this, I also realized that Dave Swan's first post later gave birth to the idea of Blake Madison and the subsequent Mudcat Fiction stories starring Blake.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 03:19 PM

Wow, man!! That is SO cool!!

A


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 06:19 PM

So, it's the 15th of January, 1999 and I have nothing better to do than sit in front of my computer staring at the screen. I used to have a comfortable predictable life but I chucked it all away for the scary unpredictable life of an itinerant teacher.

What was I thinking? Can I really cope with the financial downs-and-downs (there are no financial ups) of casual work after working in a cushy government job all my adult life?

As I stare at the screen marvelling at the creative genius of a bunch of people I've never met from all around the world I absent-mindedly catch and pop the flea that jumps from the cat in my lap onto my arm. I reach for another piece of orange from the plate, and click on another thread and start giggling again.

My mind wanders back to my financial predicament again and I start wondering whether I should start riding the bicycle I have out back. It would save money on petrol.

It's almost unrideable, though. It never was any good. That woman who sold it to me for an exorbitant price when I was a student sure saw me coming. The brakes suck and so do the gears. The only good thing about it is the bicycle seat I bought to replace the uncomfortable one that was on it. Maybe I could buy a new bicycle and salvage that seat. How much does a new bike cost?

Nah, the problem is I'm not fit enough to ride a bike. I'm a lounge lizard. I spend my days reading Mudcat guff when I should be out in the real world walking around in the summer sunshine and getting healthy.

Ah, to hell with it! The best remedy for your own misery is to inflict it on someone else. The pecking order. Kicking the cat. Kicking the Mudcat - there's an idea.!

I'll make them make it up to me for wasting my time reading their manic threads by challenging them to write short stories. And I'll make it so insidious that they'll still be caught up in the same thread until...I know, how about 2005! Yeah! Or even 2010! And to make it worse, when they think they can finally get away from this thread I'll give them another challenge to write a story of 100 words, no more and no less.

Nah, it'll never work. They're not that gullible, are they? Are they?

;->

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 06:54 PM

Well done, LeeJ and what a hoot to read this one again!


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 26 Sep 08 - 07:40 PM

From: Helen
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 06:19

"Ah, to hell with it! The best remedy for your own misery is to inflict it on someone else. The pecking order. Kicking the cat. Kicking the Mudcat - there's an idea.!

"I'll make them make it up to me for wasting my time reading their manic threads by challenging them to write short stories. And I'll make it so insidious that they'll still be caught up in the same thread until...I know, how about 2005! Yeah! Or even 2010!** And to make it worse, when they think they can finally get away from this thread I'll give them another challenge to write a story of 100 words, no more and no less.

"Nah, it'll never work. They're not that gullible, are they? Are they?"


**Or 2008 at least!

Can't help it. The 100 word challenge always reminds me of this thread.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 26 Sep 08 - 07:41 PM

Sorry, Joe-Clones. This is such an old thread that it doesn't have a BS prefix. I'd appreciate it if someone could modify it for me. Ta, muchly!

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Alice
Date: 26 Sep 08 - 10:55 PM

Hey, there, Helen!
This old thread has LYRICS in it!!
I hope it stays up in the music section.
It's hard to believe so many years have gone by.


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 08:53 PM

Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen - PM
Date: 26 Sep 08 - 07:40 PM

From: Helen
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 06:19

"Ah, to hell with it! The best remedy for your own misery is to inflict it on someone else. The pecking order. Kicking the cat. Kicking the Mudcat - there's an idea.!

"I'll make them make it up to me for wasting my time reading their manic threads by challenging them to write short stories. And I'll make it so insidious that they'll still be caught up in the same thread until...I know, how about 2005! Yeah! Or even 2010! And to make it worse, when they think they can finally get away from this thread I'll give them another challenge to write a story of 100 words, no more and no less.

"Nah, it'll never work. They're not that gullible, are they? Are they?"

"Can't help it. The 100 word challenge always reminds me of this thread."


On noticing the 100 word challenge thread again on the list, I looked back at the last posting I did on this thread and - spoo-o-oky! - it is 2010! So it's obvious I have to refresh this thread.

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 29 Apr 16 - 11:36 PM

Amos reminded me of this thread, and someone was reeled in and had to ask about it, so here it is, refreshed again to see if I can entice some more 100 word stories - 100 words, no more and no less, please.

Helen


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Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat
From: Helen
Date: 30 Apr 16 - 02:13 PM

Oops! It's been so long that I mixed up the two challenges into one challenge.

The challenge in this thread is to write a story which somehow incorporates a flea, an orange and a bicycle seat. There is no specification on the number of words.

However, here is the other challenge: BS: Mudcat challenge: 100 word story exactly

Helen


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