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Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni

CapriUni 13 Dec 05 - 03:08 PM
John MacKenzie 14 Dec 05 - 11:55 AM
CapriUni 14 Dec 05 - 12:43 PM
open mike 14 Dec 05 - 03:55 PM
MMario 14 Dec 05 - 04:01 PM
John MacKenzie 14 Dec 05 - 06:12 PM
CapriUni 14 Dec 05 - 06:25 PM
John MacKenzie 14 Dec 05 - 06:31 PM
CapriUni 14 Dec 05 - 06:44 PM
The Fooles Troupe 14 Dec 05 - 07:18 PM
Celtaddict 14 Dec 05 - 07:41 PM
CapriUni 14 Dec 05 - 11:16 PM
CapriUni 14 Dec 05 - 11:32 PM
John MacKenzie 15 Dec 05 - 10:19 AM
CapriUni 15 Dec 05 - 11:25 AM
John MacKenzie 15 Dec 05 - 11:34 AM
CapriUni 15 Dec 05 - 01:34 PM
John MacKenzie 15 Dec 05 - 01:43 PM
MMario 15 Dec 05 - 01:47 PM
John MacKenzie 15 Dec 05 - 02:26 PM
gnu 15 Dec 05 - 02:59 PM
CapriUni 15 Dec 05 - 03:01 PM
MMario 15 Dec 05 - 03:04 PM
CapriUni 15 Dec 05 - 03:31 PM
open mike 15 Dec 05 - 04:35 PM
CapriUni 15 Dec 05 - 04:57 PM
MMario 16 Dec 05 - 09:25 AM
CapriUni 16 Dec 05 - 02:29 PM
CapriUni 17 Dec 05 - 05:13 PM
MMario 28 Dec 05 - 09:09 AM
CapriUni 28 Dec 05 - 10:06 AM
CapriUni 28 Dec 05 - 12:17 PM
CapriUni 29 Dec 05 - 05:24 PM
Celtaddict 01 Jan 07 - 10:04 PM
CapriUni 02 Jan 07 - 05:00 PM
Celtaddict 02 Jan 07 - 05:58 PM
CapriUni 03 Jan 07 - 12:50 AM
CapriUni 10 Sep 07 - 03:32 PM
CapriUni 10 Sep 07 - 06:26 PM
open mike 13 Sep 07 - 07:49 PM
CapriUni 13 Sep 07 - 11:10 PM
CapriUni 15 Jul 09 - 02:27 PM
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Subject: New 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 13 Dec 05 - 03:08 PM

Another song based on an Irish proverb. This time, it's "Little things tend to be tasty."

I've been fiddling with the tune and lyrics for several days now, and it's almost just right. I can't seem to put my finger on what's making it slightly off, though. Is it the rhythm, or the key, or the lyrics? Or all three?

Anyway, I thought I'd post it for some feedback.

Sweetest Morsels

Oh, the king's table groans 'neath the weight of the feast,
With the venison, pheasant and boar.
But the pride of the cook, and the gem of the meal
Is the rare and the small peppercorn!

A toast to the berry, so sweet on the vine,
and to carrots we pull in the spring!
To hot roasted chestnuts on cold winter nights
And to all of the moments that make our hearts sing!

Oh, the pages of history tell of great wars
And the escapades of mighty kings.
But the things we remember are often quite small,
Like the song of a bird on the wing.

A toast to the berry, so sweet on the vine,
and to carrots we pull in the spring!
To hot roasted chestnuts on cold winter nights
And to all of the moments that make our hearts sing!

To hear the tune (or get a .pdf of the dots), copy and paste the bold text below into the text window at Concertina.net's Tune-o-tron, and click on "submit" (if it doesn't work, you may want to try turning off your pop-up blockers).

X:1
T:Sweetest Morsels
M:4/4
Q:1/4=105
K:F
CCF2FFG2|GFE2DEF2|DDC2CCE2|EEF3zFF|F2GAB2BA|
G2FGA2AG|F2EDC2DE|F4z3C|F2FFG2GF|E2DEF2GG|B2BBA2AA|
G3zFD2D|DE2EEG2F|EF3zCCD2|DDE2EFG2|F2G2F4||


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 11:55 AM

Sweetest Morsels

Oh, the king's table groans 'neath the weight of the feast,
With the venison, pheasant and boar.
But the pride of the cook, and the gem of the meal
Is [the]a rare and [the] a small peppercorn!


A toast to the berry, so sweet on the vine,
and to carrots we pull in the spring!
To hot roasted chestnuts on cold winter nights
And [to all of] the moments that make our hearts sing!

Oh, the pages of history tell of great wars
[And] the escapades of mighty kings.
But the things we remember are often [quite] as small,
[Like] As the song of a bird on the wing.

A toast to the berry, so sweet on the vine,
and to carrots we pull in the spring!
[To] The hot roasted chestnuts on cold winter nights
And [to all of] the moments that make our hearts sing!

Just thought it might trip off the tongue easier with a couple of little changes, but it's got a nice traditional feel to it, well done.
Giok


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 12:43 PM

Thanks, Giok! I'll make those changes and try them out. And I think I will try fiddling with the notes for the last line, too.

Somehow, I think the song wants to end on a lower note. I may have to change the key.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: open mike
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 03:55 PM

i mis-read it as "little things tend to be nasty"
and was searcihing for a verse about fleas, and bubonic plague germs..

glad i was wrong as the resulting song is so sweet!

it feels like there is another verse somewhere though..

let's see would it be animal? vegetable? mineral?

well definately NOT bigger than a bread box!

great images..i can just hear the table "Groan!!"

escapades (three syllables) is sort of unwieldly..
is there a similar word with 2 Syllables that would do it?


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 04:01 PM

hmmm - i wonder if I can get this down before 12th night....


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 06:12 PM

Yes OM that's why I wanted to knock out a word in that line because of the 3 syllables. Give yourself a bit more space to attack it, and you can elide the word so's the syllables sort of slide into one another more, you can pronounce it escap-ades with only the one word in front, and it works better.
Giok.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 06:25 PM

Open Mike:

it feels like there is another verse somewhere though...let's see would it be animal? vegetable? mineral?

I was wondering that, too. Maybe animal (the little moments we humans share with each other)?

And, re: "Escapades" -- I was trying to find a word that fit the anapestic meter of the song (short-short-LONG syllables: and-the-ES cap-ades-OF might-y-KINGS), but maybe I could do that with a different combinations of words.

MMario:

i wonder if I can get this down before 12th night....

Wow! What a compliment!!

I'm not sure I can get it down by 12th Night.... Giok's suggestion to shorten the refrain by a foot (cutting "to all of") may help with the tune; right now, I think the refrain is longer than the verses, and that is just wrong, somehow, in the scheme of songdom. ;-)
---

Also, rereading it, I may change "the rare and the small peppercorn" to "the rare and the hot peppercorn," or something.

:::Scratches head, and goes back to her composing program:::


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 06:31 PM

Rare and precious?
G


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 06:44 PM

No, peppercorns do not strike me as "precious." I associate that word with being delicate, like a Ming vase, or a hothouse flower that bruises if you breathe on it wrong. Peppercorns are anything but delicate.

Besides, "precious" has the wrong number of syllables.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 07:18 PM

"I think the refrain is longer than the verses, and that is just wrong, somehow, in the scheme of songdom."

No sea shanties for you then.

Peppercorns once were worth their weight in gold. A 'peppercorn rent' was worth something once.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: Celtaddict
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 07:41 PM

And the ANtics of MANy a KING?
The accent on OF doesn't sound comfortable, and you could make 'king' rhyme 'wing' without the 's.'
I agree with open mike about the third verse too.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 11:16 PM

No sea shanties for you then.

Point taken. But, being tools of labor, Sea Shanties might be considered a special case (might, but then again, might not ;)).

Peppercorns once were worth their weight in gold. A 'peppercorn rent' was worth something once.

Indeed. Any poacher could get venison for dinner, but it was the peppercorn that made it a feast fit for the king. That's why I refer to it as "the gem of the meal." After all, it's the little things that are so tasty.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 14 Dec 05 - 11:32 PM

And the ANtics of MANy a KING?

See, now, that's one reason why I love Mudcat so much. I might just use that. Though I'm wondering, since I use a king in the first verse if I should use something else in the second (and maybe a third).


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 10:19 AM

Sorry not referring back to your rhyme scheme when I suggested that, although 'precious and rare Peppercorn' might work. It is true that spices were regarded as rarified fare indeed once upon a time. Many voyages of discovery were undertaken in search of nutmegs and cloves in days gone by.
Peppercorn Rent definition on this page.
Giok


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Subject: Lyr/Tune Add: SWEETEST MORSELS (CapriUni)
From: CapriUni
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 11:25 AM

Well, Giok, perhaps that would work.

But I will always have the memory my mother's voice chiding in my ear: "Oh, stop being so precious about it!" when I got too whiny or finicky. So I will always associate that word with fragile or frail things, and I will always associate pepper with heat and strength (When I was a wee child, I loved black pepper and mustard sandwhiches).

So. I've tweaked the whole sosng from first verse to third (yes, I added one). See what you think of it now:


Oh, the king's table groans 'neath the weight of the feast,
With the venison, pheasant and boar.
But the pride of the cook, and the gem of the meal
Is the rare and the fine peppercorn!

A toast to the berry, so sweet on the vine,
and the carrots we pull in the spring!
To hot roasted chestnuts on cold winter nights
And the moments that make our hearts sing!


Oh, the pages of history tell of great wars
And the capers of powerful men.
But the things we remember are often as small,
As the song of the sweet Jenny Wren

(Chorus)

Leave the tales of the war and the struggle and strife
To the pens of the squinty eyed scribes.
For a song in the dark and a quick, stolen kiss
Are the moments that sweeten our lives!

(Chorus)

(Didn't cut any syllables from the second verse, but I think "powerful" may be an easier word to deal with).

I also tweaked the tune:

X:1
T:Sweetest Morsels
M:4/4
Q:1/4=105
K:F
CCF2FFG2|GFE2DEF2|DDC2CCE2|EEF3zFF|F2GAB2BA|
G2FGA2AG|F2EDC2DE|F4z3C|F2FFG2GF|E2DEF2GG|B2BBA2AA|
G3zFD2D|DE2EEG2F|EF2zGGA2|GFE2DE3|F4||


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 11:34 AM

A hug in the dark sounds more feasible, than a song perhaps.
G.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 01:34 PM

Well, 'a hug in the dark' and 'a quick, stolen kiss' are rather on the same scale of things, as human experiences go (both tactile and both associated with romantic love). I was trying to hint at a wider variety of life spices.

How about "a song in the night"? Or "a song in the air"?


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 01:43 PM

an air in the night? a song at dusk?
G.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: MMario
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 01:47 PM

Music and laughter and a quick stolen kiss


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 02:26 PM

Nice Mario
G ☺


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: gnu
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 02:59 PM

Lovely.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 03:01 PM

Thanks, MMario!

You got it! But since Noteworthy Composer doesn't let you vary the number of syllables between verses, I altered that, slightly, to:

For the music and laughter, and sweet, stolen kiss
Are the moments that flavor our lives!


(I didn't want to repeat "sweet-" in the second line, and also figured that "flavor" was a better match with the peppercorn in the first verse).


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: MMario
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 03:04 PM

season?

ps - using underlines can help w/ that in NWC


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 03:31 PM

Had to touble-take at that. Thought it referred to the temporal season, for a moment... but that might make it an even better suggestion, since the chorus is so "seasonal." :-)


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: open mike
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 04:35 PM

i was going to recommend Exploits...but Capers...now there is another spice reference!


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 15 Dec 05 - 04:57 PM

hehe!! I know. Am debating whether I should change it to "antics" to avoid confusion.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 05 - 09:25 AM

why not leave it in as a non-intentional pun?


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 16 Dec 05 - 02:29 PM

heh. I could do that!   Puns are good, except when they're bad. And then, they're better.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 17 Dec 05 - 05:13 PM

The other day, I woke up with this ending to the third verse in my head -- what do you think?

For the music, the laughter, the kiss on the sly
Are all morsels that sweeten our lives


I'm also contemplating attding another verse, about the tastiest things on a more common table, as a transition from the metaphor of the king's feast to the sweet things in the feast of our lives (and so the strawberries and such can have a place in the song beside the refrain).


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 05 - 09:09 AM

sounds great to me. still planning on at least attempting this 12th night. may cheat and use crib notes.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 28 Dec 05 - 10:06 AM

Crib notes are not cheating if it's a new song... really. It's a collaboration between the writer/composer and the performer. After all, you can't be accused of not taking the weeks to learn a song, if it didn't even exist weeks ago.

Now, I haven't hammered out that other verse yet, but it will be a comparison between a loaf of dry bread that can keep on the shelf (and keep you alive), and a sweet strawberry, picked off the vine the moment it's ripe -- as a bridge between the dry, "preserved" events of history, and the sweetness of life that comes in its quick, fleeting moments, which are in the last two verses (and really, the joy that comes from each of the morsels mentioned in the chorus is tied directly to a moment in time, as well -- and the moments we spend with each other).


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 28 Dec 05 - 12:17 PM

Okay, how about this, for that second verse?

Oh, a loaf of dry bread can keep flesh on the bone
and salt cheese can keep hunger at bay.
But a life that's worth living must savor the sweet
like a cherry that's ripe for one day.


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Subject: RE: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 29 Dec 05 - 05:24 PM

errr... was singing this latest verse to myself, this morning, and it struck me that:

"keeps flesh on the bone," sounds a bit ghoulish. I think

Oh, a loaf of dry bread will bind body and soul,
and old cheese will keep hunger at bay.


sounds better.


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: Celtaddict
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 10:04 PM

Hi, CapriUni, how did the final project turn out?


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 05:00 PM

I never did figure out what to do with that additional verse... in fact, I had forgotten about it until I'd seen that you had refreshed the thread.

...2006 turned out to be something of a lost year, in terms of creative projects. Maybe 2007 will be better.

Here's to hoping...


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: Celtaddict
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 05:58 PM

Well, I hope you finish this one up. I know it sometimes seems either a song comes together all at once or not at all, but the digesting and polishing and smoothing time is often fruitful.


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 12:50 AM

Well, I hope you finish this one up.

Thank you. A family crisis began a few weeks after the last '05 post to this thread, and frankly, I stopped thinking about the song entirely for a long while.

When I did start thinking about it again, I wasn't sure if it needed another verse, or not. And I didn't want to write one simply because my pride said it should be longer. Your fresh imput makes me think that it wasn't just pride that was nagging me. So I'll have another go at it.

(oh, and also since between my last post to this thread and your refreshing of it, I've gotten a new computer, so all of the songs I've written are here on the forum, rather than on my hard drive... I've gradually been going through the threads to recover them, and that task has prompted me to come up with an '07 Mudcat resolution: Put an actual song title in the Thread Title line, so I and others can find the one I want, down the road.)


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 03:32 PM

Ever since I started working on this, I had the nagging feeling it needed another verse. But I couldn't figure out what it should be. So I've stashed the question in the back of my mind, and let it simmer there for as long as it needed.

The tune popped back into my head night before last, just as I was getting ready for bed, and something clicked: all this time, I had been thinking I needed a verse that contrasted the commoner's feast with the king's. But that comparison is already made, repeatedly, in the chorus. So I considered other areas of life where smaller is often nicer. And the verse fell into place fairly easily:

There's a house on the hill with a high iron gate
And with treasures that fill every hall
Oh, but this simple hearth, and your sweet loving smile
Make the coziest homestead of all.


The only question that remains, for me, is where in the song this fits best. Should it come before the verses about history, or between them? On the one hand, the two verses about history can almost be seen as a single, extended verse. On the other hand, this verse could be an illustration of "the antics of powerful men," and the house's inadequacy could be the reason to leave history to the squinty-eyed scribes.

Maybe the answer will come to me in another two years...

Now, what were you saying about long fruition times, Celtaddict? ;-)

I've also tweaked the tune a little bit:


X:1
T:A Toast to the Berry
C:Ann Magill
M:4/4
L:1/8
Q: 1/4=105
K:F
CC F2 FF G3|GF E2 DE F2|DD C2 CC E2|
EE F3 z FF|F2 GA B2 BA|G2 FG A2 AG|
F2 ED C2 DE|F3 z2 C F2|FF G2 GF E2|
DE F2 GG B2|BB A2 AA G2-|G2 z2 F D2 D|
D E2 EE G2 F|E F3 FG A2|BA G2 F E2 F-|
F4 z4|]


Copy the bold text below, paste it into the text window of the ABC Convert-o-Matic, and click [submit]. That will bring up a page where you can click to hear a simple midi.

(If, for some odd reason, you computer fails to cooperate, try turning off your pop-up blockers. I've heard rumors that that can help).


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 06:26 PM

just a quick note -- you can fix, or ignore when pasting the ABC: There's a typo in the first measure. It should end on G2, instead of G3...


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: open mike
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 07:49 PM

not sure about the placement,
but tall iron gate rolls off the tongue
easier than high iron gate, methinks.

or even wrought iron....

and on second thought,
the recent verse might
make a good way to
seal the end of the song..

back to the simple life...

a solution...to the enigma..


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 11:10 PM

Thanks for your input, Laurel. I think you're right about "high iron" -- too much assonance too close together. I'll try "tall," first, and live with that in my head, for a while. Then, I'll try "wrought."

I hadn't worked on this song, consciously, for a while, but it's beem worming its way through my mind all this time. And just as I've made subtle changes, so too, the lyrics have shifted; like flowing water, they've been finding their own path of least reistance.

As of now, this is how the lyrics stand (for the sake of argument, I'll stick the new verse third):

Oh, the king's table groans 'neath the weight of the feast
With the venison, pheasant and boar.
But the pride of the cook, and the gem of the meal
Is the fine* and the rare peppercorn!

Chorus:
A toast to the berry, so sweet on the vine,
And the carrots we pull in the spring,
To hot roasted chestnuts on cold winter nights
And the moments that make our hearts sing!


Oh the pages of history tell of great wars,
And the antics of powerful men.
But the things we remember are often as small
As the song of the sweet Jenny Wren.

Chorus

There's a house on the hill, with a tall iron gate
And with treasure that fill every hall,
Oh, but this simple hearth, and your warm, loving smile
Make the coziest homestead of all.

Chorus

So leave tales of the war, and of struggle and strife
To the pens of the squinty-eyed scribes.
It's the musice, the laughter, the kiss on the cheek
Are the morsels that sweeten our lives!

Chorus

(and a return to to the first verse?)

Anyway, one reason why I like keeping the last verse where it is, is that the final couplet links the "song of the Jenny wren" and the hearth and smile, to the berries and carrots and chestnuts of the chorus.

*And, despite Giok's well-made argument for "precious" peppercorns, I'm sticking with "fine" for the pun factor -- peppercorns are ground finely. ;-)


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Subject: RE: Lyr/Tune Add: 'Irish Proverb' song by CapriUni
From: CapriUni
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 02:27 PM

...And yet again, this song has popped back into my consciousness (it seems to be living on a two-year dormant/flowering cycle).

As I was looking over it, the other day, I was thinking about how I worked out the rhyme scheme at the end of the chorus:

A toast to the berry, so sweet on the vine,
And the carrots we pull in the spring
To hot roasted chestnuts on a cold winter's night,
And the moments that make our hearts sing!


... "Sing" is a perfect rhyme, phonetically, with "Spring," but it breaks with the conceptual motif of tastiness and feasting.

Would it be better if changed the last line of the chorus to: "... And the moments that make our lives sweet" ?

It would be a weaker rhyme, but a stronger continuation of the metaphor...


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