BS: Happy Chavmas.....

Subject: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 12:14 AM

I got sent these two below. Sorry to the non UK peeps who dont know what Chavs are and might need a Chav-English dictionary.

Chav Nativity

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)
She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'
Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally
gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.
Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Befle'em on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on
their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're
wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella

12 days of Chavmas
On the 1st day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, a pikey in Burberry.

On the 2nd day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 3rd day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 4th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 5th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, fiiiveee gooolldd
riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 6th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 7th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 8th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 9th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 10th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 11th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, eleven prammers pushing, ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 12th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, twelve chavvers
chavving, eleven prammers pushing, ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies
drinking, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens
a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: dianavan
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 02:11 AM

I do not know chavs but I get the lingo.

Brilliant!

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: dianavan
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 02:12 AM

Happy Chavmas you too.

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: ossonflags
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 04:27 AM

"We will rob you, rob you, rob youuuuuuuuuuuu............"

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: Firecat
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 05:48 AM

sounds like quite a few people I know!

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 10:58 AM

I've been away from the UK long time now,and keep hearing about Chavs.Where does the word orriginate from?.I get the picture though.Are chavs mostly from Sahf Lunun,or dahn the ol Kent road,an'at?

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 06:41 PM

Some folk say that the term Chav was invented in of all places the city of Cheltenham and stands for Cheltenham Alernatives. An alternative yoof kultcha that to the nice people who live in that city. But they have spread along with hoodies.

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: Terry K
Date: 23 Dec 05 - 05:23 AM

It's such a shame for the foreigners who still innocently wear the standard Burberry check as a kind of status symbol, not realising its new connotation.

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 23 Dec 05 - 06:07 AM

Brilliant!

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Dec 05 - 06:13 AM

hilarious!

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Dec 05 - 11:02 AM

Wonderful!

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 23 Dec 05 - 12:57 PM

"Charver" is a long-established word in Northumbria, mainly County Durham. The 'r' is silent so abbreviated it is "chav" It was simply another word for 'pal' or 'buddy' I was once told it was a Romany word, several of which are extant in Northumbria (jugal = dog; gadgee = man; etc) and also by an Irishman that it had a similar connotation in his neck of the woods (can't remember exactly, but I think it was west of Dublin).

Subject: RE: BS: Happy Chavmas.....
From: David C. Carter
Date: 24 Dec 05 - 12:18 PM

I was Guest who asked for the meaning of the term"chavs".My cookie must have crumbled.Thanks for the info.Talking of yoof kulture,does Janet Street Porter(Independent Newspaper)have anything to do with all this?