BS: First Joke thread for 2006

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: Alba
Date: 11 Jan 06 - 09:45 PM

Britney is driving down the Highway when her cell phone rings.
It was her Boyfriend urgently warning her, " Listen Babe, I just heard on the News that there's a car going the wrong way on the the Highway your on. Please watch yourself!"
"It's not just one Car" said Britney, "there's hundreds of them!"

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: michaelr
Date: 11 Jan 06 - 06:38 PM

(Smarties = M&Ms)

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 Jan 06 - 04:30 PM

Fourth Joke Thread for 2005

Looks like I started a tradition (but then, I used to be in the SCA)!
Do it once - get burned at the stake for doing something different never done before - do it twice - it's Tradition!

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: GUEST,Me again
Date: 10 Jan 06 - 06:20 PM

A termite walked into a bar and asked "Is the bar tender here?"

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 10 Jan 06 - 09:59 AM

"The Blonde and Snow"

One winter morning in upstate New York, the
husband and the blonde were listening to the
radio while eating breakfast. They heard the
announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10
inches of snow today. You must park your car
on the even-numbered side of the street, so
the snowplows can get through." The big chest
blonde went out and moved her car.

A week later while they were again eating breakfast,
the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to
12 inches of snow today. You must park your car
on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the
snowplows can get through." She put on some
clothes and went out and moved her car again.

The next week they were again having breakfast,
when the radio announcer said, "We are expecting
12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..."
Then the electric power went off. The well endowed
blonde was very upset, and with a worried look on
her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do.
Which side of the street do I need to park on so the
snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that
all men who support blonde women, the husband
said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage
this time?"

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 09 Jan 06 - 01:03 PM

"Widow"

A widow, recently married to a widower, was accosted
by a friend who laughingly remarked, "I suppose, like
all men who have been married before, your husband
sometimes talks about his first wife?"

"Oh, not any more," the other woman replied.

"What stopped him?" asked the first.

"I started talking about my next husband," replied the
second woman.

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: Moses
Date: 09 Jan 06 - 11:23 AM

Question:- How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

Answer:- Six. One to stir the mixture and five to peel the Smarties.





(Smarties are candy coated chocolate beans for those not resident in the UK)


And yes, I am a blonde!

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: The PA
Date: 09 Jan 06 - 10:58 AM

Horse goes into a bar and ask's for a scotch. Barman says 'why the long face' !

Bear goes into a bar and says 'can I have a ...................scotch'
Barman says 'why the big paws'

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 09 Jan 06 - 09:56 AM

Q. Why did Jane Russel ?

A. Cos Max Factor.

I'll get me coit, eric

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: John O'L
Date: 09 Jan 06 - 07:12 AM

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"An interrupting cow"

"An inter-" "MOOOOOOOO!"

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: autolycus
Date: 09 Jan 06 - 06:06 AM

A visitor to Israel on holiday happens to be in Jerusalem when they having the ceremony of unveiling the tomb to the unknown soldier. He has a guide with him to explain proceedings.
After the mayor makes a speech, the unveiling proceeds and the visitor sees that it says on the tomb
                            Isidore Cohen
                            Born Kiev 1893
                            Died Tel Aviv 1953

The visitor"I thought this was the tomb of the unknown soldier.
Guide.      "That's right. It is."
Visitor    "But it says Isidor Cohen Bor.....
Guide.    "Yes,yes. As a tailor he was Very well known. But as a soldier,pht..............nobody'd heard of him.

Subject: BS: First Joke thread for 2006
From: Folkiedave
Date: 08 Jan 06 - 05:19 PM

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.

"Are you the owner?"

she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands."No" he replies, "I''m just the manager."

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him."

She asks, running her hands up beyond his ears andinto his hair.

"I''m afraid I can''t," breathes the manager clearly aroused," he''s in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."

She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

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