BS: Ground Hog Day

Subject: RE: BS: Grounds For A Hug Day
From: Severn
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 03:50 PM

I hope someone's done ground me up a hog, 'cause I'm gone off after some pork BBQ for my annual celebration dinner! Better than chuck steak.


"Yes, and how much wood
Can a wood chuck chuck
If a wood chuck could chuck wo-o-o-od
The answer my friend is....."

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: tarheel
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 03:26 PM

dear OPEN MIKE and JOHN MACKENZIE...geee,if i didn't know better,i would think that the two of you COPIED and PASTED your COMMENTS here!!!
DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 03:12 PM

yonder comes sam with a snicker and a grin
yonder comes sam with a snicker and a grin
yonder comes sam with a snicker and a grin
groundhog grease all over his chin..groundhog

I likes my groundhog boiled and fried
likes my groundhog boiled and fried
likes my groundhog boiled and fried
best shoestrings that ever was tied groundhog

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: ranger1
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 01:13 PM

Woodchuck! It's called a Woodchuck! No wonder he wouldn't come out of his hole. He was insulted by being called the wrong name!

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Old Guy
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM

My birthday is today so I am a groundhog.


Old Joe Digger, Sam, and Dave,
They went a-hog-huntin' hard as they could stave,
Ground hog!

Whistle up yer dog and loaden up yer gun,
Away to the hills to have some fun.

Too many rocks and too many logs,
Too many rocks to ketch groun'hogs.

They picked up their guns and went to the brash
By damn! Joe, here's the hog sign fraish.

One took a tree and it's one took a log,
Damn my soul if it ain't a groun'hog!

Git away, Sam, and le' me load my gun,
The groun'hog hunt has jist begun.

He's in here, boys, the hole's wore slick;
Run here, Sam, with yer forked stick!

Git down, Sam, and in there peep,
Fer I think I see him sound asleep.

Stand back, boys, and le's be wise,
Fer I think I see his beaded eyes.

Hold them dogs, boys, don't let' em howl,
I thought I heerd the groun'hog growl.

Hello, Johnnie, cut a long pole,
To roust this groun'hog out of his hole.

Up jumped Sam with a ten-foot pole,
He roused it in that groun'hog's hole.

Work, boys, work jist as hard as ye can tear,
The meat'll do to eat and the hide'll do to wear.

Work, boys, work for all you earn,
Skin'im atter dark and tan'im in a churn.

Stand back, boys, le' me git my breath,
Ketchin'this groun'hog's might' nigh death.

I heerd' im give a whistle and a wail,
I've wound my stick right in his tail.

Stand back, boys and gi' me a little air
I've got a little o' the groun'hog's hair

Here he comes right in a whirl,
He's the biggest groun'hog in this worl'

Sam cocked his gun and Dave pulled the trigger,
But the one killed the hog was old Joe Digger.
They took'im by the tail and wagged' im to a log,
And swore by gosh! he's a hell of a hog!

Up stepped Sal with a snigger and a grin:
Whatcha goin' to do with the groun'hog skin?"

Scrapes' im down to his head and feet,
By damn, Sam, I here's a fine pile o' meat!

Carried him to the house and skinned 'im out to bile,
I bet forty dollar you could smell' im fifty mile.

They put' im in the pot and all begin to smile,
They eat that hog before he struck a bile.

Run here, man, hit's bilin'-hot,
Sam and Dave's both eatin' outn the pot.

Old Uncle Jack says, "I'll be damn!
If I can't git a foreleg I'll take a ham."

The children screamed and the children cried,
They love groun'hog cooked and fried.

Hello, mama; make Sam quit,
He's eatin'all the hog, I can't git a bit.

Hello, boys, ain't it a sin,
Watch that gravy run down Sam's chin!

Hello, mama, look at Sam,
He's eat all the hog 'n a-soppin'out the pan!

Watch' im, boys, he's about to fall,
He's eat till his pants won't button at all.

Hello, boys, what ye think o' that?
Sam's eat hog till he's right slick fat.

He eat that grease till it run to his nabel
He'll eat no more hog until he's able.

From American Ballads and Folk Songs, Lomax
Collected from Tom Kelley and Dan Gibson; tune from Sharp
@hunt @animal @food
filename[ GRONDHOG

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Grab
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 09:54 AM

Well, Bill Murray managed it, Bobert. Luckily Phil and everyone else came back the next day...

Just got the DVD of that a few months back. I'd forgotten quite how good it was. It's not often you see a film and realise that there's no way on earth it could be improved.

Graham.

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Feb 06 - 08:59 PM

Phil wouldn't come outta hole so I calt up my couzin Rufus who drove down from Wes Ginny in his '78 Chevette with evrything needed to get a Phil outta a hole... You know, like the transister radio on a string, traps, his pet boa constrictor, etc...

But first thing that Rufe wanted to try was to smoke-Phil-out so he backed his Chevette up to Phil's hole and hooked up a flex-hose from the Chevette's tail pipe to Phil's hole... Well, he reeved her up and after about 5 minutes we noticed that smoke was coming from holes down in the horse field and one all the way down in Ron Wilsons goat field but no Phil...

Well, next thing it was the radio on a string with the local all day-n-night right winged talk show on up to 10 and lowered it down in the hole... Well, still no Phil but also no radio now but a chewed up string where the radio was...

Now, Rufus is one patient couzin... Hey, if you met his wife Rether May, you'd know he's have to be, bless her heart... But there comes a time when a man has to do what a man has to do... Know what I mean??? So out comes the 12 guage...

"Hey, Rufus, you can't go shootin' Phil on Ground Hogs Day!!!"

"Well, I ain't gonna actually shoot Phil, Bobert... I know he's watching us from somewhere and I just want him to think we're gonna shoot him..."

Well, I had a bad feelin' in my tummy... Hey, guns and Phil ain't a nice piccure on Ground Hogs Day and I'm sure that even threatenin' the little rodent will get you a few thousand years in pergatory, or worse, like getting stuck sittin' next to Martin Gibson on a long flight...

But the threat din't work either and Rufus went over his patience line to impatience... I had just gone in the house to tell the P-Vine not to worry about Rufus having the shotgun when..

BRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!

So I run out and there's Rufus standing there with the smoke still swirling out the berrel of the 12 guage and... sniff... dead Phil right there at the opening of the hole....

"What the heck have you done, Rufus??? You shot Phil on Ground Hog's Day..."

"It was an accident, Bobert... Hey, I turned around to light a cigarette and when I turned back I saw a big monster rat getting ready to attack me so what was I supposed to do???"

Phew!!!

Ya ever have that kinda day where year couzin has just offed Phil on Ground Hog's Day???

You think that the State of the Union Address sucked???

"Hey, Rufus, if anyone come alonn and find Phil all shot dead yer prolly going to do some serious time... You gotta plan???"

Well, nobody ever accused Rufus of being a complete and total idiot... Total idiot, yeah... Complete idiot, yeah... But "complete and total" idiot, no...

So, he just put on his roadkill thinkerator on and now we have several extra quarts of possum (wink,wink) stew in the freezer...

Now, lastly, if anyone relates this story to the authorities, we maye have a fwew more quarts of possum (wink, winK) stew in the freezer... Get my drift??? And...

Happy Ground Hog's Day to all...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 06 - 08:31 PM

"Okay, Phil...it's action time!" VROOOOOMMMM .................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... CRUNCH!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 06 - 08:22 PM

Yes, the army provides the batteries. which is part of the reason for the high armadillo mortality rate here in northwest Florida. You see, armadillos are originally from Texas, where there are lots of army bases. Well, we have navy bases and air force bases out the wazoo around here, but no army bases. And the batteries that power navadillos and airforcidillos are incompatible with armadillos' wiring. When the original equipment batteries wear out the armadillos just weaken and die.

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 06 - 07:18 PM

Of course, but only one size...






















AA batteries.

Now you can groan....

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Feb 06 - 01:09 PM

Does the army supply batteries as well Bee Dubya Ell?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 01 Feb 06 - 11:36 AM

Re: "Me and my freinds are pretty well set for life"

That's not how you spell "fiends."

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 08:20 PM

Remember though that an armadillo is simply a possum on the half shell.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Anonny Mouse
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 05:18 PM

Yer wrong!!!! "Groundhog Day" is Feb 2nd-not tonight (when the State of the Union is on). Frankly, I loved the Bill Murray/Andie McDowell movie of the same name. A real comedy classic--esp. when Bill says: "I'm a god--not THE God...". BTW, this whole thing is a joke--since when has the first few days of Feb. NOT meant at LEAST 6 more weeks of winter? I don't care if the freakin' little rodent sees his shadow, or not. We'll freeze out butts off until at LEAST April where I live--maybe longer!

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: ranger1
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 02:23 PM

Thank you for the eloquent clarification of Armadillo Day. I dunno about those groundhog creatures, up here in Maine we have woodchucks. It's one of the ways that we tell who's from away, by what they call those chunky little brown critters in the median strip on the highway.

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 02:16 PM

We don't have groundhogs in Floribama. We have armadillos. So, we have Armadillo Day instead of Groundhog Day.

Unlike groundhogs, armadillos don't hibernate, but they are primarilly nocturnal. Generally speaking, the only armadillos one sees during daylight hours are the dead ones on the sides of the road. If you see a live armadillo out and about in the daytime on Armadillo Day it means that you will be abducted by aliens from the planet Romilar at some point during the next year. Of course, the Romilarians are so good at performing post-abduction memory erasures that nobody who has ever undergone a Romilarian abduction has remembered a thing about it. So, it is absolutely impossible to determine whether or not the armadillo was right, all of which makes celebrating Armadillo Day just another lame-ass excuse to drink beer.

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 01:42 PM

That's okay Ranger, so did I I guess!!!

In any case, Phil will have the tougher job. How can he make a prediction for 6 more weeks of winter OR an early end to winter when we haven't had any winter yet at all?????

Dumbya' on the other hand can simply say:

"Well, I reckon the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, but fuck the poor! And we ain't found Bin Laden but we have got us a dandy war in Iraq where poor American kids are dying everyday. But like I said, fuck the poor! Me and my freinds are pretty well set for life and since I can't run again, let me say to all those middle class dumbasses who think Republicans are going to make them richer when just the opposite is true, fuck you 'cause you're joining the poor! All in all, things couldn't be better but if it ain't gettin' better for you and you noticed that you ain't got no rights left, well then fuck y'all too! Me and Daddy are doing fine."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: ranger1
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 01:20 PM

Um, Groundhog Day isn't until Feb 2nd and the State of the Union address is tonight. Did I miss a time warpish sort of thing?

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 01:15 PM

An excellent characterization, Giok!


LOL!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 12:30 PM

Go, Phil, go! We love you!

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: Kaleea
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 12:29 PM

I, for one, will be giving my attention to the far more intelligent of the two, the one capable of making proper decisions, you guessed it--Phil!

   Here's a little song for the occasion*:


Ground Hog, Ground Hog, come on out and play;
It's a beautiful, beautiful February day;
Oh the sun is shinning and the sky is blue;
So won't you come on out;
I want to play with you.





*Sad & gray wintery version available for sad & gray wintery geographical regions only. Any unlawful use of aforementioned gray version in a Sunny region may result in severe penalties such as depression &/or darkened skies resulting in precipitation and increased arthritic pain in the limbs and other unmentioned dilemmas. Please consult your local meteorologist, neurologist, analyst, Barrister, and Silver Burdett Publishing Co., Inc.

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 11:50 AM

Where is the seperation of church and State? How dare they give the State of the Union address on The Feast of St. Phillip of Puxatawny!

Subject: RE: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 11:47 AM

This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address
fall on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication,
and the other involves a groundhog."

Subject: BS: Ground Hog Day
From: open mike
Date: 31 Jan 06 - 11:25 AM

This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address
fall on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication,
and the other involves a groundhog."