Lyr Req: Pawnbroker's wife? / Librarian's Lament

Subject: LYR REQ: Pawnbroker's wife (?)
From: Håvard
Date: 27 Jan 99 - 06:50 AM

Hi
The tread below on "the Waterford Boys" just reminded me on a song I heard a while ago to the same tune. It concerns a librarian being visited by a pawnbroker's wife. Having heard of the library's collection of pornography, she asumes it would be helpful for her husband. (prononciate the words, and you'll understand
Anyway, I've just heard it once, and would be very grateful to have the lyrics

Håvard

Subject: RE: LYR REQ: Pawnbroker's wife
From: George Henderson NSC
Date: 27 Jan 99 - 07:53 AM

I think that song is entitled THE MAN WITH THREE BALLS. I will look it up over the weekend and post the lyrics if I can locate them

Subject: Lyr Add: MAN WITH THREE BALLS / LIBRARIAN'S LAMENT
From: George Henderson NSC
Date: 29 Jan 99 - 09:30 AM

Found this in my collection last night but I do not have a clue about the author.

I think this is what you are looking for.

MAN WITH THREE BALLS / LIBRARIAN'S LAMENT

A librarian was doing his job at his desk, in an old public library down by the square.
In comes an old woman all heavily laden with all kinds of groceries costly and rare.
"Now, what can I do for to help or assist you?" says I unto her with a nod and a smile.
"Well, it's a book that I'm wanting 'cause I've heard you've the finest selection in many's the mile."

"Well, let me guess now as to what you'll be wanting," says I unto her, "for good reading yourself.
And what would compare with a romantic novel? So, wait and I'll reach you one down off the shelf.
Now here's a fine tale of a handsome brain surgeon whose spirits are low and his mind in a rage,
'Til his troubles are eased by a fair pretty maiden and marries there on the very last page."

"Oh, that's not what I'm wanting at all," says the lady, "and truth for to tell you, the book's not for me,
But it was me husband that sent me to see if you had in this place any pornography."
"If it's pornography that you're wanting," says I, "you've come to the right place as you'll very soon see,
For under the counter I have a fine stock of the dirtiest books in the whole countery.

"'Lady Chatterley's Lover,' 'Last Exit to Brooklyn,' 'The Old Perfumed Garden,' and 'Carnal Desire,'
And every volume is bound with asbestos for fear you have friends that'll set them on fire.
We've got Swedish au pair girls all dressed up in rubber and happy transvestites both gallant and gay,
And all other versions that's known unto man. It's all on the rates and no money to pay."

"Oh, there must be some mistake," says the lady, "for that's not the stuff that I'm looking to see,
For me husband's a pawnbroker, not a sex fiend and I fear it's not this that he's wanting to read.
Well, he heard about pornography from a friend and I fear it's a comical error he made,
For hearing the word and not knowing the meaning, he thought it was something to do with his trade."

The old pawnbroker's wife she was highly amused when with rage I began for to stamp and to swear,
And I picked up the copy of her written complaint and I told her to stuff it the devil knows where.
But out of adversity comes opportunity; so the old profits and sages do say,
And the pawnbroker's tale, well it caused great amusement when told to me colleagues the very next day.

And being well known as a writer of songs that are written on broadsheets and lavatory walls,
I went back to my house and I wrote down this song and I called it "The Tale of the Man with Three Balls."

HTML line breaks added in place of double spacing. Also deleted a lot of HTML that was apparently posted by mistake. --JoeClone, 18-Feb-02.

Subject: RE: LYR REQ: Pawnbroker's wife
From: Håvard
Date: 01 Feb 99 - 12:35 PM

Thanks George, that's the song!

Subject: RE: LYR REQ: Pawnbroker's wife
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 09:58 AM

Based on a review found at this page http://website.lineone.net/~folkbuzz/Blank%20Page%207.htm
I infer that the above song is "The Librarian's Lament" by John Conolly, and it's on his album, "Send Us A Postcard: The Saucy Songs of John Conolly."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Pawnbroker's wife
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 10:10 AM

Furthermore, the pronunciation should emphasize the pun: porn-broker/pawn-ography. The joke is likely to be missed by Americans who merely read the lyrics without hearing them spoken or sung. (As I did at first.)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Pawnbroker's wife
From: Ian
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 12:12 PM

Many thanks I had lost the words to this great song.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Pawnbroker's wife
From: GUEST,vince
Date: 06 Feb 03 - 11:20 AM

Pete Macmillan of The Hometowners does a grand version of this song

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Pawnbroker's wife
From: GUEST,999
Date: 13 Aug 11 - 09:51 AM

Refresh

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Pawnbroker's wife
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 13 Aug 11 - 02:20 PM

Refreshed after 8 years- thanks, I didn't know the song.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Pawnbroker's wife? / Librarian's Lament
From: GUEST,Hope Taylor
Date: 08 Nov 12 - 06:09 AM

A slight variation as sung by John Leonard & John Squire

One fine Monday morn as I sat at my desk
In the old public library down in the square
In came an old woman all heavily laden
With all kinds of groceries costly and rare

Now what can I do for to help or assist you
Says I unto her with a nod and a smile
Tis a book that I'm wanting, says she
Cos I hear you've the finest selection in many's a mile

Let me guess then says I as to what you'll be needing
To suit a fine lady and such as yourself
Now what could compare with a romantic novel,
As quickly I reaches one down from the shelf

Now here's a fine tale of a handsome brain surgeon
Whose spirits are low and his mind in a rage
Till his troubles are eased by a fair pretty maiden
And wedding bells chime on the very last page

Oh, it's not what I'm wanting to read, says the lady
And truth for to tell you, the books not for me
But it was my husband who sent me to see
If you have in this place any pornography

If it's pornography that you're wanting, says I
Then you've found the right place as you'll very soon see
For under m'counter I have a fine stock
Of the dirtiest books in the whole country

Lady Chatterly's Lover, Last Exit to Brooklyn
The Old Perfumed Garden, And Carnal Desire
And every volume is bound with asbestos
For fear your hot breath set the pages on fire

We've got Swedish au pair girls all dressed up in rubber
And handsome transvestites both gallant and gay
And every perversion that's known unto man
And it's all on the rates, there's no money to pay.

"Oh dear, we have made a mistake," says the lady,
"For that's not the stuff that I'm wanting indeed
My husband's a pawnbroker, not a sex fiend
And I fear it's not this that he's wanting to read.



Well, he heard about pornography from a friend
And I fear that some comical error he made
For hearing the word and not knowing the meaning
He thought it was something to do with his trade"

Well, the old pawnbroker's wife, she seemed highly amused
When in rage I began for to stamp and to swear
Then I picked up a copy of Portnoy's Complaint,
And I told her to stuff it the devil knows where.

But out of adversity comes opportunity
So the old prophets and sages do say
And the pawnbroker's story, it caused great amusement
When told to me colleagues the very next day

And being well known as a writer of songs
That are written on broadsheets and lavatory walls
I came back to m'desk and I wrote down this song,
And I called it the tale of the man with three balls.