BS: Tom Swifties anyone?

Subject: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke lost his wotsit
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 07:36 AM

Swift Encounter


"Dere's almost nowhere to sit," said the waiter almost deceitfully. "Is anyone sitting here, Miss?" asked Tom Swift charily. "No, there's room for you," replied Mary Shaftoe- Witt spaciously.

"I can't see a menu," said Tom listlessly. "It's not expensive," she cheeped, "But the curried lentils are off," she continued in a nodal manner.

"I've enjoyed my sweetcorn," she said huskily. "I must try harder to catch the Indian waiter's eye," said Tom, going off at a tangent, "I'll have the escalopes de veau", he revealed.

"I like your grey dress," said Tom ingratiatingly. "I prefer to wear casuals," Mary replied unsuitably.

"I'm a fishmonger," said Tom selfishly. "I work for Mr. Dingly, I'm sure you know old Stan," replied Mary understandingly. "I'm a journalist. Before that I was on the stage", she continued impressively but exactingly.

"I'm reading the great American poet, Walt Man," said Tom witlessly. "I've just finished Ray Illingworth's autobiography," responded Mary readily, "and I'm starting 'The Half Blood Prince'," she pottered on.

"I'd rather like to take you out tonight," said Tom in a rather dated manner. "I might be available," she replied impossibly. "Let's go to the theatre," she continued playfully.

"Rows one to seven are full, but I can still fit you in," the lady in the box office ruminated. "There's only just enough room left for us in this row," said Tom almost tearfully.

"Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks," leered the actor stormily.

"Would you like a Martini?" asked Tom drily at the interval. "And some cheese and onion flavour," replied Mary crisply.

"Your place or mine?" asked Mary afterwards, flatly. "I'll pay for the taxi," offered Tom handsomely.

"I'll open some champagne!" he bubbled. "How about a game of cards?" he added wistfully. "I'd rather have some more champagne!" said Mary a bit more fizzily.

"I'm going to take off all my clothes!" she pealed. "I've already got mine off," Tom barely managed to reply.

"It's all floppy," she said very softly. "But not for long!" he responded increasingly stiffly. "But it's only about four inches long!" she said rather shortly. "No, it's five and one-eighth," he said in a measured manner.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked piercingly. "No, you fool, I've still got my knickers on," she panted. "Sorry, I've taken them off now," he slipped in. "Oooh, that's nice!" she cried manfully.

"I'm coming!" he ejaculated. "Did the earth move for you?" he quaked. "That didn't last very long," she seconded briefly. "It's all I can manage for now," replied Tom limply, "I need a cigarette!" he fumed.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 07:59 AM

I used to be a miner, he exclaimed.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 08:00 AM

entire stories?? sheesh? I first did them in 1963, when one liners were the point.

"I'm giving up being a landlord while the employment situation at Boeing is so unstable", said Tom, vacantly.

(I also own an original copy of "Ton Swift & His Airship"

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 09:39 AM

"The wind has died down," said Tom disgustedly.

"That's the last we'll see of Dr. Frankenstein's creature," said Tom demonstratively.

"Th-th-th-that's all, folks!" said Tom animatedly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 10:11 AM

"I seem to have lost my watch," said Tom timelessly.

"I wish, I wish, I wish I were a fish," sang Mr Limpet finally.

"I hardly ever write letters by hand any more," she said typically.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 10:22 AM

"At least one day of the holiday was fine," said Tom restrainedly.

"It's all my fault. I should have spent more on the camping equipment," said Tom penitently.

"I'm against Britain adopting the Euro," he propounded.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 10:49 AM

"I'm glad I don't live in an earthquake area," Tom said faultlessly.

"The light bulb needs replacing," Tom said darkly.

"I'm going to see a play by Oscar Wilde," said Tom earnestly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke lost his wotsit
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 11:19 AM

"Taps,eh?", he spat back.

(This is more of a Twifsmot, I suppose.)

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: kendall
Date: 11 Mar 06 - 08:29 AM

I think I'm turning gay he said, half in Ernest

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Mar 06 - 08:24 PM

"You haven't got the balls", he said testily.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Severn
Date: 11 Mar 06 - 09:18 PM

"I am no longer a virgin!", she said, horrified.

"I can't seem to hit the target", he said aimlessly.

"I've misplaced that cursed diamond again!", she said hoplessly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 12 Mar 06 - 01:11 AM

I dropped my toothpaste, said Tom crestfallenly...

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 12 Mar 06 - 02:37 AM

"Anyone for tennis?", Tom asked gamely.

"I just lost at Russian roulette," said Tom absent-mindedly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 11:24 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swift

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 05:21 PM

Went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

It was bread in captivity

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 05:47 PM

Radial-arm saws aren't all that dangerous, said Tom off-handedly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 06:40 PM

"That last yard of the race was a terrible squeaker, wasn't it?" asked Tom as he smiled winningly.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Aug 18 - 02:45 AM

"Be careful of that tree!", he barked as she leafed though her magazine.


"I'm only trying to get to the root of the matter you sap" she replied arbourealy.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 10:50 AM

"I'll take the prisoner downstairs," said Tom condescendingly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Thompson
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 04:03 PM

"Let's count the little piggy-wigges before sleep," said Tom's mother totally.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 04:01 AM

"I used to be a plumber" said Tom succinctly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: robomatic
Date: 23 Aug 18 - 04:38 PM

"Why do they complain about the way I make change?" he asked innocently.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Thompson
Date: 23 Aug 18 - 05:03 PM

"My windows are all broken now," said Tom painlessly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Thompson
Date: 23 Aug 18 - 05:14 PM

"The bike wheel is coming apart," said Fausto outspokenly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Thompson
Date: 23 Aug 18 - 05:30 PM

"You're too old to sleep with the lights on now, Edward," he said delightedly.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Thompson
Date: 23 Aug 18 - 06:16 PM

"All those people who live on the farm together seem terribly ticklish," he said communistically.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Jos
Date: 24 Aug 18 - 04:02 AM

Down on the beach, braving the weather, they crouched behind a disgusting windbreak while he told her half-heartedly about the problems with his pace-maker.

Subject: RE: BS: Tom Swifties anyone?
From: Thompson
Date: 24 Aug 18 - 04:26 AM

"Anything you say may be taken down in evidence," he said verbally.