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BS: The History of England part one.

Chief Chaos 03 May 06 - 12:28 PM
Chief Chaos 03 May 06 - 11:54 AM
Rapparee 03 May 06 - 11:38 AM
Chief Chaos 03 May 06 - 11:05 AM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 03 May 06 - 05:50 AM
Rapparee 02 May 06 - 08:53 PM
Chief Chaos 02 May 06 - 01:08 PM
MMario 01 May 06 - 07:46 PM
Leadfingers 01 May 06 - 03:12 PM
Chief Chaos 01 May 06 - 02:28 PM
Chief Chaos 01 May 06 - 01:48 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 06 - 10:22 PM
Janie 30 Apr 06 - 07:52 PM
autolycus 30 Apr 06 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 06 - 06:04 PM
Janie 30 Apr 06 - 05:59 PM
autolycus 30 Apr 06 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 06 - 05:46 PM
autolycus 30 Apr 06 - 05:23 PM
Bunnahabhain 30 Apr 06 - 08:37 AM
autolycus 30 Apr 06 - 08:03 AM
dianavan 30 Apr 06 - 05:49 AM
Sorcha 29 Apr 06 - 04:37 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Apr 06 - 01:48 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 06 - 10:18 AM
Janie 28 Apr 06 - 10:59 PM
Janie 28 Apr 06 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 09:44 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 06:47 PM
autolycus 28 Apr 06 - 06:08 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 06 - 06:27 PM
Bunnahabhain 26 Apr 06 - 06:15 PM
Bill D 26 Apr 06 - 06:03 PM
Janie 26 Apr 06 - 05:57 PM
MMario 26 Apr 06 - 03:55 PM
autolycus 26 Apr 06 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 06 - 09:24 AM
MMario 26 Apr 06 - 08:29 AM
Sorcha 25 Apr 06 - 11:24 PM
Janie 25 Apr 06 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 08:51 PM
autolycus 25 Apr 06 - 05:34 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 06 - 11:48 PM
Janie 24 Apr 06 - 11:14 PM
Janie 21 Apr 06 - 07:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 06 - 07:04 PM
Janie 21 Apr 06 - 04:23 PM
autolycus 21 Apr 06 - 04:00 PM
Janie 21 Apr 06 - 11:57 AM
MMario 21 Apr 06 - 10:20 AM

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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 03 May 06 - 12:28 PM

Pictish Berserker = Woad Warrior


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 03 May 06 - 11:54 AM

P.S. - The archaeologists have also discovered a different recipe used by the Picts during the winter solstice. It was a bit stronger and included seasonal foliage. They are calling it "Holiday Woad"


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 06 - 11:38 AM

Also, recent finds at Ballyfungus, Ireland -- the sole inroad that the Picts and Chufles ever made in the Emerald Isle -- definitivly demonstrates that caches of woad were hidden throughout the Celtic world. Usually hidden on the tops of high hills and mountains, these were considered the Picts and Chufles top secret woad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 03 May 06 - 11:05 AM

You're never going to believe this!
I've just received news that will turn the world on it's ear!

Archaeologists working in the vicinity of Loch Ness have uncovered several woad vats that are smaller and seem to have been deliberately placed in hidden areas not to far from known Pictish settlements. At first the scientists thought they might be hidden storage or places were Picts were experimenting with different woad recipes. But the discovery of several snake skeletons at the bottom of these vats seems to point in a different direction. It had long been fabled that young Picts, looking for a better "buzz" than their parents woad would deliver, would throw poisonous snakes into woad vats and let them stew. The parents would have probably objected to this, hence the small, hidden vats. There seems to be some evidence to support this conclusion as partial skeletons of giant chickens have also been found in the vicinity of these vats. This breed of giant chicken was known to have fed on both polecats and snakes. Because the giant chicken would have to dart in and grab the snake or polecat and then dart out before the picts could catch it, it earned the name of "Woad Runner". The partial skeletons with human teeth marks on the bones indicate what happened when the woad runner was caught by the Picts who were feeling quite peckish (they had the munchies) after their dunk in the woad. The most amazing discovery though would indicate that the known history of the discovery of the new world is false. The snake skeletons are distinctly that of a species of pit viper only found in North America named Copperheads. This means that the Picts must have discovered the new world first and brought the snakes back with them. Thus the legends of Copperhead Woad has been proven to be true.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 May 06 - 05:50 AM

Of course, when the Angles cottoned on to the benefits of woad, they noticed that its use was accompanied by an increase in casualties, at dawn and dusk, when the light was poor.

Woad, it seems, acted like camouflage in low light conditions.

Thanks to the abundance of chalk in the South of England, the solution was very simple, and it has ever since been standard procedure to have a white line down the middle of the Woad.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 06 - 08:53 PM

One of the early Pictish purveyors of woad was a Pict named Rik. Rik would travel from Pictish village to Pictish rath, ballyhooing the wonderful qualities of his woad. He would shout out its benefits at the top of his voice and that was saying a mouthful, for Rik had one of, if not the, loudest voice in all of Pictdom. Eventually he became known as "Bellowing Rik", which was eventually shortened to "The Bellow" or "Bellow Rik."

And his woad WAS good. It really was top quality stuff, and Rik sold it in quantities know as "lidds." He would shout out his wares, and someone would come up and ask if he could "get a lidd of good stuff".

One tragic day Rik was set upon by brigands and riffraff. They stole his pack of herb, the few cupronickel cupronickels he had in his pouch, and murdered poor Rik. The culprits were caught and suffered the traditional Pictish penalty for murder (they were tickled to death by being tossed in a pit of giant garden slugs), but Rik was gone and worse, the location of his secret woad garden was lost forever.

The Picts lovingly prepared Rik for burial, and carried him to his Final Resting Place singing a chant composed just for the occassion. Yes, it was the first performance -- sad though the occassion was -- of that great funeral song, "Goodbye, Bellow Rik's Woad."


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 02 May 06 - 01:08 PM

Recent experiments with woad recipes taken from the long and winding woad have confirmed it's halucinogenic properties. The results of these experiments are rather puzzling. Approx. 33% report that they took fantastic journeys through space and time but woke up in exactly the same place (hence the claim that it is the "Woad to Nowhere"). another 33% all seem to have experienced an epiphany of sorts claiming a feeling of warmth, belonging, forgiveness and love. They claim that it is the "Woad to Redmeption". The remaining 34% claim to have experienced a little of both which has led them to say they are going "Down to the Crosswoads"


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: MMario
Date: 01 May 06 - 07:46 PM

Returning to the Chufle Chits - since they were holy offerings to the goddess SORCHA, they were frequently known a "holy chit"


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 May 06 - 03:12 PM

1oo !!! (Whoopee)


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 01 May 06 - 02:28 PM

Scientists have also just discovered evidence of a pictish aqueduct leading from Liverpool to lower Scottland. Pictish writing on the blue tinged stone has been deciphered and tells of the picts finding a superb source of blue dye near the area of today's Liverpool. In order to transport the woad made from this source the aqueduct was erected. The aqueduct was routed so as to avoid any troubles with changes in elevation causing many twists and turns and adding many miles to it's length. The valuable woad had to be protected from any marauders and therefore young male picts were ordered to patrol the length of the aqueduct. Unfortunately when the Romans invaded and observed that the aqueduct was of superior design and beauty compared to their own. In a jealous rage they destroyed it and did their best to remove all traces. Though the destruction was complete they failed in the attempt as the aqueduct was enshrined in history through the song, "The Long and Winding Woad"


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 01 May 06 - 01:48 PM

The laughter of the Romans and their Chufles was certainly enough to make an ordinary man stop dying themselves blue, but the Picts were not ordinary men.

The real reason that the practice stopped was on account of the fact that polecats seemed to be particularly attracted to the scent of the woad. The polecats would become overpowered by the halucinogenic properties and end up in the woad vat. Now the Picts were not cowardly men and their women liked their men to have a strong musk, but not that strong. Therefore the pratice was given up. It incidentally inspired one of the all time great songs still heard today:

"There's A Dead Skunk In The Middle Of The Woad"


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 10:22 PM

I forgotten that I'd read about that in the Codex Chuflii, which is attributed to Julie Caesar, even though it's in someone elses' handwriting and the style, grammar, and internal dating seems to show that it was written sometime after August 17, 1897. But that's all by the way.

What the Codex does state is that the Centurions and other NCOs in the Roman Army -- especially those making a career of it -- would collect those "chits" and use them as indication of rank. To the ordinary legionaire, these people were known as "chicken chits" -- an appellation has continued, almost unchanged, in armies down to this very day. Indeed, it approaches certainty that a soldier or sailor or marine or airman in some armed service somewhere is at this moment discussing "this chicken chit outfit" with a comrade in arms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 07:52 PM

Lady of the smoking fiddle?

    Sorcha was the main goddess in the Chufle pantheon. Sorcha was the Goddess of Fire. There are many legends about Sorcha--she was always depicted playing a fiddle, often so intensely that smoke would arise from the bow. One story fragment about Sorcha refers to her great amusement at the antics of the giant chickens, who apparently adored her. She was said to have found the chickens to be so funny that she would literally collapse on the floor in laughter.

Chufles would leave tokens of adoration to Sorcha at small shrines found along ancient roadways throughout Britain. The tokens were called chits. The Picts referred to them as Chufle Chit. The Romans referred to them as chicken chit.

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: autolycus
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 06:07 PM

Very hot weather girl?


   Ivor


   PS IIIIII don't mind having my leg pulled. Could do with the stretch.

Nevetheless, thanks for looking after me,Janie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 06:04 PM

Of course, the Chufles and the Picts now want to know what "Sorcha" means.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:59 PM

Rapaire -you are sick man to pull Ivor's leg like that. You know perfectly well it is of Pictish origin and means " Roll out the Flockers."

Actually, Ivor, I think it means rolling on the floor (with laughter.)

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: autolycus
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:58 PM

Let me rephrase that.

   BTW, what does ROF mean.       SORCHA.

   Sorry to shout. It's those bloody Roman dogs that Rapaire has kindly introced, minus their bowls of chicken soup laced with weed killer, or to say that more directly, Roman dog killer.

   Thank you.


   Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:46 PM

It's an old Chufle abbreviation for "Romans Out Front!" and would be shouted ("ROF! ROF!") when the Legions came to confiscate goods to pay the voluntary tax imposed upon the Chufles by Rome. This is also the origin of the Roman epithet "British dogs!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: autolycus
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:23 PM

BTW, what does ROF mean?


   Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 08:37 AM

Part two is the Future, which is unwritten. It smells a bit like Chicken Korma though....


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: autolycus
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 08:03 AM

Thank goodness. We've got back to England ! Unfortunately, while my sources are quite clear for Scotland, Israel and, as you've been saying, Bolivia, they are murky about England. Hard to see thru the mists of steaming chicken soup.

It does look as tho' people kept turning up on these islands. The reasons are not always clear, which explains why a common response round here to many questions is "Haven't got a clue". There were Picts, Celts, Australians (prematurely), Bolivians, Angles (the cute ones eventually developing tax havens and the theory of gravity - they were a very serious lot back then - and the obtuse ones building Stone Hen (as the quickest way to make battery farms,) and inventing the Industrial Rev ...... sorry, bit a drift there. There were Jutes (Jewish people, naturally, don't look so surprised), Normans and Celts, who brought the rest of the food - potatoes, leg of lamb, haggis and no greens (so no change there.)

   What time's part two?


   Sorcha - the nicest thing I've read today, so far. And yet, we can't argue with the manuscripts. Well, they will insist on remaining silent.


   Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: dianavan
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:49 AM

Its no wonder giant chickens were worshipped in ancient England!

Everyone knows that the giant boulders of Stone Henge slid into place on a man-made trench filled with chicken shit and diluted with abundant rain water. Once in place, a rope was tied around the top of the giant stone. It took very little effort to push the bottom and let the stone slide into an upright position, while pulling on the rope. All of the stones were placed there thanks to the giant chickens and the abundance of chicken shit and rain.

The trenches were then covered with soil and cabbages and kale were grown in abundance. This was the beginning of the agricultural cycle in what is now known as England.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 04:37 PM

Mad, yer all mad I say! ROF!


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 01:48 PM

Actually, the Great Glen is the Fault line where Northern Scotland joined the rest of the UK. It used to belong between Greenland and Newfoundland, but the Scots stole it, as they wern't getting enough rain.


The Chickens were used to break it away from where it started.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 10:18 AM

No, they're just being as silly as we were during the '50s and '60s. (And the 1850s and the 1860s and the 1920s and the 1340s and....)

The folks who we know as The First Americans or Amerindians or Paleolithic Indians or whatever else you want to call them are descendants of the Picts and the Chufles. DNA typing has proven that beyond a shadow of a doubt. In fact, when an Anasazi was asked about it he replied, "Hoot mon, mon, aye, our ancestral tales tell of our land setting sail from our native home where we painted ourselves blue and rode giant chickens into battle. Same thing for the White Mountain Apaches and the Blackfoot and the Potawatomies and the Seneca and the Powhatans and the Objibway and the Bloods and the Sioux and all the us. In fact, we've approached the World Court and are suing to regain our native land. Brits out! Scotland Forever! Sound the piobrach!"

Traditional songs of the American Indian reflect their lost heritage. Songs like "Pict up your troubles in your old kit bag" and "On the Pictish side of the street" and "They're moving father's barrow to build a sewer" and "Scotland the Brave."

Still more evidence: at the bottom of this thread right now are ads for "Native American Genealogy" and "Visit your Scottish Roots." And if Google says it, it must be true.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 10:59 PM

So it's true, then? We really are all related? Must explain the tatoos and body piercings of the younger generation. They have simply found their roots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 10:58 PM

Is this confirmation of the theory that Native Americans are indeed one of the lost tribes of Israel?


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:44 PM

I didn't mention, but I will now that I have time, that Scotland was also very much larger. The shock that broke the Hebrides and the rest free ALSO set adrift the land mass now known as North, South, and Central America. Scotland is not only part of Kansas, but Canada, Bolivia, Patagonia, California, and the rest of the mess. The so-called "Native Americans" or "First Nations" or "Indians" were originally Picts and Chufles who "shot the curl" when they suddenly found their land mass adrift. Traditional Scottish/Pictish dress has been amply demonstrated among the pre-Columbian inhabitants of the Americas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 06:47 PM

England was originally part of France (which was why Billy the Bastard claimed the throne, but that's a whole different story). During the Great Hoopla Of St. Gwinner's Eve -- a series of tempests that originated in what is now Hungary and swept west across Europe -- a large chunk of France broke loose and was blown smack-dab into poor old Scotland. This chunk of dirt crashed into Scotland (then called "Pictland" or "The Birth of the Blues") right at what is now called Solway Firth and was then called "Land's End." The shock, naturally, was terrific and Scotland, which used to be as flat as Kansas (and actually IS part of Kansas) was folded up on itself, just like the wrinkles on your fender when another car hits your car. Some parts of Scotland (e.g., the Hebrides) broke loose from the shock, and the Great Glen was caused because hordes of rock-eating haggises (H. Petrophagii Li.) had pretty much chewed subterranean tunnels straight out of Inverness in their epochs-long migration to Ireland (apparently the haggises were either unaware or too stupid to realize that between Scotland and Ireland a Great Gulf, or as some say, Gulp, is fixed).

This is, you know, a summary of what happened. You can find the whole, boring story in the closed stacks of the National Library of Scotland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: autolycus
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 06:08 PM

Moses didn't give directions 'cos what bloke follows or accepts directions.

There was a third type of woad, the woad to the Isles.

Our story also clearly demonstrats the connection between Jews and tailoring, but also how come the Picts thought they were so special, namely their holy origins. Which also explains where the giant chickens originated - Israel !! There we had chicken broth, thought to have originated when a chicken in Beersheba fell ill. It got better after a healthy chicken was done away with to make the broth, or soup (as it came to be known) which brought the sick chicken back to health.

On the arrival in Scotland, this custom eased into a general broth. But gereal broth was not thought an appealing name for it. So the Picts invented Picth, a drink hard to pronounce. So, givemn the name of the country, they called it whiskey. Then when the country was renamed Scotland (we'll get to England later - first things first), the soup was called bouillabaise, but people couldn't pronounce it and the Pict Academy was dumped. Pict broth sounded like a silly description, hence scotch broth. The recipe for chicken soup got stolen by English soup thieves in North-West London. A neat link back to England, so-m-named because S,C,O and T had already been nicked (Eng. colloqu. for stolen). Also, once Scottishland was established, the new country to the south thought they had a fresh angle (=Engle) on what to do with chickens.

(At this point, my current manuscript source stops abruptly on account of it's bed-time.)


   Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:27 PM

Aren't thistles and live hedgehogs still the primary foods of Scotland?


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:15 PM

One day, everyone got bored with being everywhere on time, so they made life more excitring by inventing the bus. Now, everyone could go along crammed together, or sometime no-one, as the bus was early so, nobody caught it, or maybe it would decide just not to stop, as it's cold and wet so those people really should stand around until the next one to enjoy it properly.

The very first busses were driven by Buzzards, and our word for Bus driver has descended from this root and has settled into its modern form, Bastards.

Of course this was before the revolution, when all the Bastards were given the choice of actually doing their job properly, or being placed on a diet consisting entirely of thistles and live hedgehogs...


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:03 PM

is it true that famous Blues musicians hire 'woadies' to keep the show wunning?


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 05:57 PM

It is all beginning to make sense! How the lost tribe of Israel ended up in Scotland!

Moses didn't actually give directions to the tribes. He issued woadstones for them to use to find their way. To most of the tribes he issued the high woad(stone.) Having told the Golden Chicken worshipping Picts to get lost, however, it behooved him to make sure they did just that. To the Picts, then, he gave the low woad. And we all know from the chorus to the song that the low woad will get ye to Scotland before the high woad.

(Is this now a music thread? Huh?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 03:55 PM

I *know* you can buy striped paint - but I've never seen plaid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: autolycus
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 03:51 PM

I have heard you can buy tins of plaid paint. Bit like red and white square nail polish. Only completely different.


   Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:24 AM

Not to mention those who could not choose a light blue, a dark blue, or whatever blue. This was known as the "muddle of the woad."


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 08:29 AM

Generations later, when dyeing yourself blue with woad had fallen out of usage; a few of the younger generations found that woad paste appliad to the skin had a mildly hallucigenic effect; so they used to paint designs on themselves in woad - and would usually get a bit silly, especially if they had a drink or two or seven; this became known as being "On the Woad again"


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Sorcha
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 11:24 PM

ROF!!!!! HOW have I missed this?????


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:27 PM

One day Woady went berserk. He ran through the villages brandishing an axe, bashing kettles, busting up haystacks, and chasing whoever was unfortunate enough to get in his way. He was suffering from woad rage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 08:51 PM

One of the picts earliest and most revered goddesses was Oestre. Every spring, they would dance and sing and drink and feast and otherwise celebrate the returning fertility of the soil. It was so very joyful, after a long winter in Scotland, a winter famous for gray clouds, gray buildings, gray mud, gray snow, gray hair, and generally gray everything. And the one thing that the picts wanted was COLOR! (Being in the Orbit Of Britain they wanted colour, but you know what I mean.) They heard that eggs could be dyed colors other than what came out of the chicken, and they decided to dye the eggs plaid, mostly because they couldn't agree on a color.

Anyway, they soon discovered that packets of plaid dye just weren't available in Scotland. They apparently tried all over Europe -- Gaul, Hunland, Hellas, Roma, Carthage, Hibernia, Iberia, Thule -- and not a packet of plaid dye was to be found. Anywhere.

Eventually, they gave up and decided to dye the eggs blue. This decision was simple, because they had hundreds of packets of blue dye (called "woad") that had been sent as samples from dye makers all over Europe.

Collecting eggs was, they discovered, quite difficult. The Battle Chickens did not, most emphatically, want to surrender their unborn progeny! Trying to take the eggs made the chickens quite peckish, and the pecked picts finally gave up in disgust. Being picts, it didn't occur to them to use turtle, eagle, robin, duck, turkey or other eggs instead.

Then Loffa, the Wart Chief of the Sgudan Picts, tripped over a haggis someone had carelessly left running loose and fell into a vat of boiling woad.

Loffa was fished out uninjured (woad in those by-gone days had a very low boiling point, about 21 degrees C.), but he was bright blue from head to foot. The other picts decided that dyeing people was just as good as dyeing eggs and a lot more pleasant than being pecked at by a ten cubit tall chicken, and enthusiastically built huge woad vats all over Scotland, connecting them with a vast network of trails which were, of course, called "woadways".

For many years the picts were happy being blue. But after several generations, the novelty wore off. Roman legionaires would point at them and laugh; even the Chufles, their friends and allies, would smile behind their hands. Finally, sick at heart, a pict named Woady sat on a stile and plucked out a tune on his "binjo" (the national instrument of the Sgudan Picts) that wasn't upbeat. When asked what sort of music that was, Woady said he called it "the blues" because of being blue all the time.

The other picts promptly took Woady to a psychiatric sacham, who prescribed little blue pills. The pills had a bad effect on Woady's liver functions and turned his skin yellow under the woad dye.

For the rest of his life, Woady, completely different now from the rest of the picts, was an outcast. He wrote a song about his life, you may have heard it: it was called "It's not easy being green."


(This data is translated from manuscripts written in Pictish and currently in the possession of the Rare Books and Manuscripts Division of the National Library of Saxe-Coburg-Greta).


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: autolycus
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 05:34 PM

See, told you so. The Picts as one of the lost tribes. What did i tell you. Just don't know yet how they got lost. Possibly Moses came down from the mountain, saw them worshipping the Golden Chicken and told them to get lost. being obedient chaps, they obliged.

When they got to Scotland, they told their story, preceded by the standard "This'll kill you,", misheard in thos eparts as "This'll kilt you. The Picts hurled theirPicts away and asked the tailors for a killt.So the tailors killt them and became the new Picts. Later they started to make Picts=tures. So Hollywood actually started by Scoyyish killer tailors who just sort of got themselves lost again.

The original sources for all this also got lost, but my intuition never fails.



   ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:48 PM

Recent discoveries in the Orkneys have cast some little doubt, albeit not much of a little, on BWL's theory of early kilt materials, at least up in the Orkneys.

Preserved in a beet bog a kilt made entirely of chicken feathers was found by Nils MacNilson in 1956. MacNilson, a local former, used it until his death in 2005 as a cover and comforter for his forms. He told his son, "Aye, laddie, an' it keeps 'em reat wahrm an' comfy, it does" many times, so often that the kid got sick of it. The story of the feather kilt was documented not only by MacNilson's diary, but by the archealogist who was with him when he found it.

DNA samples from the feathers demonstrate conclusively that the kilt was indeed made from the feather of the chicks of the legendary Giant Chickens of Scotland, those used by the Picts and Chufles as their war mounts.

The kilt itself is crudely dyed in the plaid of the Clan Offal, a sett of bile green over puke beige and bruise blue. The belt around the top of the kilt -- a feature not often seen today -- is braided of crude rawhide strips with the hair side inside (which probably caused the wearer a certain amount of discomfort).

The kilt is currently undergoing restoration and study at the Musee d'Orkney in Glensgudal, where it can be viewed by appointment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:14 PM

The famous historian, BWL, is acknowledged as the leading scholar on matters relating to the kilt. (It was he who discovered and translated the ancient stone tablets found in the hills above Loch Ness. These tablets revealed that the Picts were one of the lost tribes of Israel. When the tribes went down to Eygpt, the leader of one tribe misheard the instructions. As a result, he lead his people to the English Channel instead.)

But I digress. Back to kilts. Over time, it was recognized that sheep were a lot less treacherous to deal with, and kilts began to be made more commonly of wool. After several centuries it was no longer remembered that kilts were originally bearhide. It was not until BWL published his translation of the first stone tablet that we finally began to understand how the tradition of being bare under the kilt evolved. Over time 'bear hide kilt' and transformed and transposed into 'kilt hide bare.'

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 07:25 PM

The Picts and Chufles were of the Iron Age. Although largely assimilated by the Romans and later the Anglo-Saxons, many of their tool designs are still in use. This may be because in the process of assimilation they discovered the wisdom in seeking strong alloyances.

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 07:04 PM

The Picts were picked by the same people who killed the kilts. In ancient times, kilts were not made of wool, as they are today, they were made of animal hides. To make anything from an animal hide one first had to find where the animal was hiding. More often than not the animal would be found hiding beneath a really nice looking fur coat. At first, people tried to hide under the fur coats with the live animals, often with disastrous results. Fortunately, the DNA of those people is no longer part of the gene pool. More intelligent people were able to figure out that it was easier for them to hide under the fur coat if they first dispatched the animal that was previously hiding there.

It's hypothesized that the first conversation in which the word "kilt" was used went something like:

"Org! How you today hide where Bear hide yesterday?"

"Well, Dorg, being a much more highly evolved example of Homo Sapiens than you and your ilk, I killed the bear and took his hide."

And Dorg, not being the brightest cinder in the campfire, began to refer to Org's new apparel as a "Bear hide kilt".


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 04:23 PM

Are you talking about waaaaaaaaaaaay back, when Moses parted the waters of the English Channel?

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: autolycus
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 04:00 PM

i hope this isn't the staellite thread to MOATs. I don't want that, any other threads satellite. There's enough arson already with satting allight threads.

this iis part one on#f the history and seemed to come in partway thru. Where did the chickens come from. And the Picts. Who pict them, I'd like to know from on eo of the learned historians?

IIIIIIII thought Stonehenge was a funny way of makuing doors swing.

And once again, not only have the Celt cults and Iceni the moon cults have been written out of history, but not a word about us Jews. Are you sure my ancestors weren't giving those chickens grief. Chickens and no Jewish people wielding non-dairy axes ??!! Hard to swallow. Ah, I've just found a Roman printed book, found outside Driffield, saying the same thing.Go on,prove me wrong.


   ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: Janie
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 11:57 AM

The numerous King Henrys of England were a constant thorn in the side of the French. King Henry I (reigned 1100-1135) wrested Normandy back from his brother and began the consolidation of English power on the Continent. (The Norman Conquest of England in 1099 has proved to have been a double edged sword for France.) Henry II (reigned 1154-1189) was also the Duke of Normandy and Count of Anjou. Although Louis VII of Frances fought his dominance, by the end of the reign of Henry II, he controlled more holdings in France than did the French monarchy.

Scholars generally agree that the word 'onery' derives from 'Henri', (pronounced on-ray) which is French for Henry. There is no consensus, however, on what this signified. Some believe the French developed an expression 'He is Henri' to indicate a person was difficult and quarrelsome, as was the French experience of the Henrys of England. Others believe the term derived from the rather randy reputation of several of the English Henrys. We all know of Henry VIII and his many wives. English scholars also know that Henry I was noted for the largest number of illegitimate children of any English king. The count ranges from 20 to 25 illegitimate issue from Henry I, depending on the source one cites.

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: The History of England part one.
From: MMario
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 10:20 AM

A bit later in history - during the reign of Henry III (who was only 9 when he became king) Geoffrey of Montfort invented parliament. The way the sotry goes, Geoffrey, who as any good English Noble of those days, spoke Norman (which is a sorta Britishized version of French- only not really) looked around and thought to himself - "Sacre Bleu! Le Roi est neuf, comment passant? Allez parlez au Mont!" - which, roughly translated means - "holy sh*t! Leroy (his nickname for Henry III) has gotta lotta nerve! (Because - face it, how many adults want to be bossed around by a nine-year-old?) Let's go talk about it on that hill!" So he gathered a bunch of his cronies, lickspittles and other important people and went up on a hill where they couldn't be overheard and decided what they were gonna do.

these little talks became a regular thing - and the "Parlez au Mont" became known (because no one could spell in those days - mostly due to the fact that the Meriam-Webster Dictionary hadn't been published yet) as "parliament"


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