Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafesj

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2]


BS: Screw ups...

Bobert 24 Apr 06 - 08:12 PM
GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll 24 Apr 06 - 08:33 PM
CarolC 24 Apr 06 - 09:02 PM
nosluap57 24 Apr 06 - 09:07 PM
JennieG 24 Apr 06 - 09:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Apr 06 - 09:25 PM
Janie 24 Apr 06 - 09:47 PM
Bobert 24 Apr 06 - 10:14 PM
Bill D 24 Apr 06 - 10:20 PM
Ebbie 24 Apr 06 - 10:20 PM
Little Hawk 24 Apr 06 - 10:23 PM
Ebbie 24 Apr 06 - 10:38 PM
GUEST,Eddie from Hull 24 Apr 06 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 06 - 11:25 PM
Little Hawk 24 Apr 06 - 11:42 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 06 - 11:50 PM
Little Hawk 25 Apr 06 - 12:05 AM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 12:07 AM
Elmer Fudd 25 Apr 06 - 12:07 AM
robomatic 25 Apr 06 - 12:29 AM
JohnInKansas 25 Apr 06 - 01:24 AM
NH Dave 25 Apr 06 - 02:23 AM
Skipjack K8 25 Apr 06 - 08:37 AM
Liz the Squeak 25 Apr 06 - 10:23 AM
leftydee 25 Apr 06 - 12:58 PM
Kaleea 25 Apr 06 - 01:22 PM
John MacKenzie 25 Apr 06 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 01:29 PM
Bill D 25 Apr 06 - 01:47 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 25 Apr 06 - 08:53 PM
JohnInKansas 25 Apr 06 - 09:17 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 09:19 PM
Bobert 25 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM
JohnInKansas 25 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM
Little Hawk 25 Apr 06 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 10:17 PM
Sorcha 25 Apr 06 - 10:38 PM
Little Hawk 25 Apr 06 - 11:21 PM
Sorcha 25 Apr 06 - 11:24 PM
Janie 25 Apr 06 - 11:35 PM
Jim Dixon 26 Apr 06 - 07:22 PM
Bill D 26 Apr 06 - 08:04 PM
Bert 26 Apr 06 - 09:24 PM
Bert 26 Apr 06 - 09:38 PM
Bobert 26 Apr 06 - 09:56 PM
Little Hawk 26 Apr 06 - 10:24 PM
Bobert 26 Apr 06 - 10:38 PM
Little Hawk 26 Apr 06 - 10:42 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 27 Apr 06 - 12:33 AM
NH Dave 27 Apr 06 - 01:29 AM

Share Thread
more
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:













Subject: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 08:12 PM

No, no, no, a thousand time no... This ain't about folks but ourselves and some of the goofy things we do...

Like today...

I just installed a lenolium (no, not vynal) floor in a bath I'm redoin' an' rei8nstalled the toilet this afternoon over the new floorin'... Probloem is it wouldn't flush??? Hmmmmmmm???

(Danged, Bobert, you moron, you forgot to remove that wadded up old rag you jammed in the pipe to keep the sewer gases out of the house...)

I did???

Opps....

Worst thing about this is I did the same thing just last year on another project???

So, folks, anyone else got anu screw up tales of woe to share???

Bobert


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 08:33 PM

Wot? Are you bloody stupid? Wot???? You don't use a fecking wadded up rag to stop sewer gases from the loo, you use one o' them "trap" fingies. It's a pipe in a sort of "s" shipe. And if it won't bloody flush I should fink NOT wot wiv a fecking wadded up rag jammed in the bleedin' drain pipe! Wot kind of man are you? You sound loik one o' them types wot walks around wiv 'is knuckles draggin' on the ground and utterin' a grunt now and then when 'e finks o' somefin which ain't often!

I won't be callin' you to fix my plumbin', Bobert. Not bloody likely!

- Olive Whatnoll


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 09:02 PM

One time I wired up the tailpipe on my car (I guess it lost a bracket or something) to a handy pole that I found under the car. Took me a while to figure out what that scraping noise was that I heard whenever the car was moving.

Hey Bobert, do they still make linoleum?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: nosluap57
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 09:07 PM

I thought it a good idea to change the oil right after purchasing my first car at the tender age of 16.

I ran it up on some ramps, and scampered underneath with my trusty crescent wrench. I placed the drain bucket under the first bolt I see, and loosen it, until, some purplish looking liquid came pouring out.

Yep, I drained the transmission fluid instead of the oil....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 09:10 PM

When I was 17 and very naive I thought the electric jug was taking too long to boil the water......

and the lid was broken.......so......

I stuck my finger in the water to see how hot it was.

The water buzzed as did my finger.

Lesson learnt.

Cheers
JennieG


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 09:25 PM

Sorry, I don't remember any of my screw-ups. You need to talk to my wife. She hasn't forgotten any of my screw-ups.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Janie
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 09:47 PM

Well....there was the time I created a geyser of 'Liquid Plumber' (I guess that stuff is lye) trying to unstop the garbage disposal after I had been stupid enough to try to grind corn husks.

And the time I failed to completely shut off the soft-serve ice-cream
dispenser at a restaurant job in college--made the biggest, prettiest 2 1/2 foot high ice-cream tower you ever saw, complete with twirl on the top. It was also the first time I ever was cussed at.

And....getting out of the bath, grabbing the toothpaste, and squirting a nice big line of it onto my armpit.

*sigh*

Janie


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:14 PM

A gal after my own heart, Janie... Been there... Brushed my teeth with anti-fungaside jus' couple months ago...

*sigh*, part B

Bobert


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:20 PM

*IF* I had ever brushed my teeth with Brylcreem when I was 12 years old, I have mercifully forgotten about it now..

I did though, just this past January, build a fancy headboard for our new bed, with bookcases and everything.....making it about 9" deep...then I had to put a piece of plywood on the back to fasten it to the little brackets on the bedframe....so, I measured VERY carefully, cut, sanded, and screwed it on with about 30 drywall screws. Had my son help me carry it upstairs, and slid it in behind the bed and.....

....did I mention up there that I put the plywood on the BACK of the headboard construction? Yep....which made the plywood the full 9" from the brackets it needed to be attached to. The FRONT of the assembly rests against the bed frame. (Like 2 books on a shelf...the front of one rests against the back of the next.)

Only took me a couple of hours to redesign, re-cut and re-assemble it all...and it looks wonderful!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:20 PM

I once grabbed a can of hair spray and blasted my head with it. It was bug spray.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:23 PM

Did you roll on your back and start buzzing frantically and waving your legs helplessly? ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:38 PM

No. I did the classic zooming around the room and bouncing off the windows.

Incidentally, if you ever want to kill a wasp or hornet or another of the winged beasties forget about bug spray. Zap it with 409- the insect will plummet to the floor where you can step on it. True.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: GUEST,Eddie from Hull
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:48 PM

The following is a letter received by the manager of a construction site in Hull, UK:

"Dear Sir,

I was engaged wif me mates in buildin' an 'ouse on your site, and we 'ad more bricks than wot was needed to finish the job. We 'ad a pulley fixed to a beam at the top at the top of the third floor rafters, wif a barrel on a rope, so's we could 'oist fings up and down loik. The rope was tied down at the ground with the barrel at the top floor level. We decided to use the barrel to lower the extra bricks, which was a considerable large lot, they was. It was basically enough bricks to fill the barrel up. I went and stood on the ground whilst me mates loaded the bricks into the barrel.

While I waited, I grasped the rope firmly with me right hand. When me mates shouted that the barrel was full, I untied the knot
'oldin' the line wif me free 'and.

Unfortunately, the barrel was 'eavier than I was, and it started to fall, pulling me sharply off the ground. Bein' startled, I grabbed on firmly to the rope wif both 'ands and found meself ascendin' rapidly skyward. As the barrel came down, I went up. 'Alfway to the top, I met the barrel coming down, and received a severe blow to me shoulder. The barrel carried on down by main force. As it reached the ground I reached the top, jamming me fingers painfully into the pulley and banging my 'ead on the 6 x 6" beam.

Unfortunately, when the barrel 'it the ground, it burst, and the bricks fell out. I was now 'eavier than the barrel, and I started rapidly back towards the ground. 'Alfway down, I met the barrel coming up, and received a heavy shock to my shins.

When I reached the ground, I landed on the bricks, sufferin' numerous painful cuts and bruises. At this point, I must have lost me presence of mind, because I let go of the line! The remains of the barrel now fell again, landin' on top of me 'ead and puttin' me in 'ospital, which is where I am now.

I respectfully request sick leave.

Yours faithfully

Dudley Worrell, Tradesman


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:25 PM

WELL! **I** have never, ever screwed up! I mean, I have done a very few teensy-weensy errors, like firing a 12 gauge shotgun into a dresser in the bedroom or mixing ammonia and chlorine bleach inside a friend's car or trying to pour gasoline out of a gas can onto a smoldering fire or saving time by removing the drain plug in the bottom of the boat before we reached shore, but nothing major. No, my life has been a veritable plethora of non-screwups. And I can truthfully say that even with the exceeding few times I **might** have been in error in some small way or another no one got hurt or killed. Some people used to twitch a lot when they were around me, but I put it down to nervous conditions and over the years fewer and fewer people twitch around me. Of course, several of those that did have since died...through no fault of mine, I hasten to add.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:42 PM

Were you perhaps the captain of the Titanic in your last incarnation, Rapaire? Have you considered getting a job with the French police (a la Inspector Clouseau)? Or planning American foreign policy? ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:50 PM

I seem to remember designing a fortress...the Majeknow or something like that....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:05 AM

Ah, yes...well, it would have worked very well indeed...as long as someone would consent to do a frontal attack upon it! No one did. ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:07 AM

See? I didn't screw up. The German Army didn't play fair.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:07 AM

Not much, only my life.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: robomatic
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:29 AM

Burglers broke in my door one summer evening. I went out to the, as it was then, Eagle Hardware store and purchased a new door, complete with frame. Spent hours and hours taking out the frame that came with the house, then cutting down to size the frame that came with the door. Only the next day did it occur to me that I might have tried taking the new door 'out' of the new frame and put it into the old frame, might have already fit and would have taken a tenth of the time and effort and even looked better.

That's cause I was already tired when I began that job.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:24 AM

Preframed doors seem to give lots of people a problem.

I once bought a brand new house from a contractor with good reputation. I'm sure it wasn't a matter of a "rush job" as the house had been advertised for sale for several months.

About 6 months after we moved in, I noticed that a "gap" had developed between the door frame and the adjacent floor tile. On investigation I found that they had placed the pre-hung door quite neatly into the hole framed for it, but had failed to install even a single nail or other fastener to hold it in place.

Burgler-proof steel door. Massive key-locked dead bolt. Not fastened to a single part of the house.

John


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: NH Dave
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 02:23 AM

I've been very lucky, in that I usually don't really screw up all that often, so that when I do it is a doozey.

    Like the time I was testing emergency survival radios late at niight, when things get really boring, and decided that I really should test fly the small box kites that were used to hoist the antenna for the hand cranked HF emergency radio. There was a fair breeze that night so it didn't take very long to get the thing up 50 - 75 feet. Of course by the time I got back to work the next day rumors had the kite so high that aircraft were being vectored around it.

   Or the time I told a full colonel, who was understandably unhappy about some noisy troops who had kept much of the other people in the billits awake, that if he really wanted to see an animal act, he need look no further than the nearby Airborne folks. This before I learned that the Airborne Wings he wore were not just a youthful fling, but indicative of the several years he spent as an Airborne Lt., before he transferred into the AF, back when you could still do that. Oddly enough, he never held this against me for the rest of the four years we worked together. Of course the remarks were overheard by a nervous MSgt who puckered so badly, that he'll never need wory about hemorrhoids again; and another TSGt with whom I served much later, always reminded me of this misstep each time I saw him for about 20 years, even after we had both retired from the Air Force.

    Of course the best one I have ever heard of, was one that a friend of mine did, when he got up very late one night with that unpleasant itch, tiptoed to the bathroom without turning on the light, grabbed the tube of Ben Gay, vice Preparation-H, and then let out a scream that woke most of the neighbors.

    Dave


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 08:37 AM

I had just laid a new veneer floor in the bathroom, and was drilling the holes for the door sill. I knew there were water pipes somewhere beneath the work area, so I cleverly decided to drill holes where the previous screws had been located.

Why, oh why, did I drill a 1" hole when the old screws were only 1/2"? I drilled clean through the heating water pipe, ruined the new floor, and brought the ceiling below down for good measure.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:23 AM

At the tender and illiterate age of nearly 4, I found I could reach the bathroom shelf and so carefully loaded my toothbrush with the contents of the red tube I found there, which was similar to my tube of Signal toothpaste. Similar only in external issues. The internal similarity ended with colour and consistency.


Ever brushed your teeth with Deep Heat muscle rub ointment?

I don't recommend it.


Even now, 30+ years later, I can't smell Deep Heet or Ralgex without wanting to hurl....

LTS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: leftydee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:58 PM

About a month ago I was building a new work bench and, not allowing for the off-set in my vision due to bifocals, ran a screw through the top and into my thumb. I ran it in so deep that I was screwed to the workbench top and couldn't pull off so........ I had to put the driver in reverse and unscrew myself. Oh, the blood, the pain, the cursing......


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Kaleea
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:22 PM

When only 13, I decided to take my doggie for a romp in a nearby park. It was the first sunny day after several days of rain. There were puddles everywhere when we got to the park. There were also about a zillion gigantic Oklahoma mosquitoes breeding in them with no one around to chew on. My doggie & I were black all over with mosqitoes. After dancing all the way home, I was covered with huge red welts.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:29 PM

More of a screw down than a screw up Lefty!
G..


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:29 PM

...and I mostly certainly NEVER leaned over an industrial-strength paper shredder and got my tie caught therein....

The Colonel/Airborne story reminds me of the time I was asked by a General why I was packing a .45 automatic (loaded) on post. I couldn't tell him the real reason -- that it belonged to Division HQ, that it had been written off the books in 1953 at the end of the Korean War, and that it was in such rotten shape that I couldn't leave it in the Arms Room of the unit I was bunking with because my own inspection team would flunk them over it -- so I told him, "Well, sir, you know some of these motor pool clerks, they get to sloughing off, goldbrickin? Well, when that happens I just put a bullet about an inch from their right ear."

He asked, with a smile, "So what do you do if they do it a second time?" and I replied, "There hasn't been a second time."

He laughed, I told him the actual reason, and he laughed again and said he was sorry he'd asked at all because now he'd have to forget it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:47 PM

and by the way, Eddie from Hull...*grin*...that is about the 327th..(give or take a dozen) ,..time I have read or heard that 'construction' story....it was published in the Readers Digets as having happen in an Apple orchard in Nova Scotia.

Good story, totally apocyphral.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 08:53 PM

Re. the construction story, a search in the music section for "The Sick Note" will give you chapter and verse on the original poem.

Don T.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:17 PM

removing the drain plug in the bottom of the boat before we reached shore ? ? ?

That's the SOP for draining a seriously swamped small power boat. With the bilge hole in the stern, any forward motion creates a reduced pressure around the bung-hole that effectively empties the boat - as long as your engine can run and forward motion can be maintained. Most outboards are intentionally designed for this to work (but try it out in shallow water if you're not sure).

Dropping the plug overboard or losing it in the bottom of the boat ... or killing the engine during the operation without the plug conveniently handy for quick replacement ... Now THAT'S A SCREWUP.

John


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:19 PM

Did I mention that it was a row boat?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM

Wow, Skipjack, that WAS a monumental screw up... Really... And I weren't gonna tell my "honey-dipping" story but seein' as you done drilled thru a water pipe, awwwww, what the Hell???

It was back 'round '72 an' I was workin' for a mainetance company that maintined 'bout half a doze high rise apartment buildin's 'round Arlington Co., Va. and it was winter and real cold... Like, ohhhh, in ther low teens and the wind was blowin' so it felt minus 60 degrees and I get a call from the Jack the Boss...

"We got the sewer backed up to the 7th floor down at Dolly Madison Towers. Get the elctric snake equipement an' get right to it!!!, he said...

So I wok up my housemate, Butch, who also worked for the company and said, "Hey, we gotta get down to Dolly Madison... The drain is stopped up..."

So, we jump in my ol' Volkswagen bus, which just barely started in the cold and froze our way to the maintenance shop to pick up "The Honey Dipper"... Now, fir those of you who don't know about "honey dippin'" there usually ain't much to it... Ya' take these long snakey things and run 'um thru a big old heavy electric machine which feeds the snakes down the drain and eventually comes to the blockage and pushes it into the main sewer line which is big nuff to handle lots of stuff that shouldn't have been put in the drain in the first place... We won't go into them items as Iz had 'nuff problems wid some of the womenz here lately an' don't need no more...

Now that I have tolt you all the basics of honey-dippin' lets get into the heavy duty details of "The HOney-Dipper" and what exactly what we were going to try to accomplish that day... The machine itself is on wheels, kinda like a ewo-wheeled wheelbarrow and weighs, ohhhh, a couple hundred pounds and comes with rolls of snakey stuff that are 'round 50 feet long that you feed into "The Honey-Dipper" and they each weigh in at 'round 75 pounds each...

Now Dolly Madison Towers was (and still is for the poor bastards who have to maintain it) 17 stories tall... Hmmmmm, at 'bout 10 fett per story that accordin' to the Wes Ginny Slide Rule make Dolly Madison Towers, ahhhhhh, 'bout 170 feet tall and guess where ya gotta honey-dip from????...

Give up???

Well, the gol danged roof, gol dang it, that's where!!! Did I mention that it was minus 200 degrees up there on the roof that day???

So Butch an' me put all thet heavy duty honey-dippin' stuff on the elevator and took it to the top floor and then muscled it up the steps to the roof an' got everything in position to get the job done and get the heck outta the cold... Right???

So we feed the first snakey thing thru The Honey-Dipper and then couple the second one and feed it, and the third one and now, my friends the end is indded in sight... Accordin' to the Wes Ginny Slide Rule the last snakey thing oughta have everyone flushin' 's groovin' and us,,,off the roof, warm and happy... Right???

so we couple the last snakey thing to the end of the 3rd one an' hit the go button on The Honey-Dipper start feedin' it thru the machine.... Yes, well be outtta thenArtic soon... But as fate would have it, as the last snakey thing came out the other end.... BANG!!!!.... the couplin' broke and 150 feet of snakey thing was, ahhhh, danged if we knew??? But we did know that it was down in that pipe somewhere 'er, heck, maybe as far as the Arlington County Sewage Treatment Plant???

So I looked at Butch and Butch looked at me an' seein' as I was the one who had answered the phone call from Jack the Boss that morning that made me the supervisor, 'er somethin' so I did what any good supervisor would do and that is look Butch in the eyes, with the bone chillin' wind half blowin' us off the roof an' said, "Sheeeeiiiittttt, Budddy" which purdy much summed up wat I must have ben thinkin' at the time...

Now there are times in a young man's life that define that man's character and I distinctly rememberin' that I could have called Jack the Boss and tolt him what had happened, I could have just jumped the 17 stories to my death or I could try to somehow make chicken salad out of the chicken manure pile that Buth and I found ourselves in that day so....

I send Butch down to the VW bus to get my flashlight and then used it to peer down the pipe to see what I could see and what I saw 'bout 30 feet down was the top of the snakey thing...

Hmmmmmmmm?

"How could this be???" I was askin' myself... "Like, that thing should have found the Potomac River by now???"

So me and Butch sit there on the roof with them Artic winds blowin' fierce all 'round us and neither of us is sayin' a word... We both in someserious soul searchin' and thinkin' an' all that stuff... Tehn I come up with an idea... Seems that since we can see the snakey thing it it must be hung up in the basement of the buildin'...

Now fir folks that don't know about basements of highrise buildings they ain't like Uncle Eranie's basement with the ping pong table and the bar... No, the basement od highrise buildin's is more like the innards of ships... But we make our way down and with a liitl thinkin' figure out 'bout where that the head of the sankey thing might be and we find a "clean out" down there in the bowels of this buildin'.... Now, fir my friends who ain't familiar witha clean out it is a T-Y, meaning it is a T and Y shaped with a treaded part with a cap for, ahhhhh, such situations....

Did I mention that we were now in a room where folks have these chicken wired storage areas with pad-locks on 'um to kepp their golf clubs safe during the winter when some days we so cold that many folks would just call in sick rather than have to walk to their cars to drive to work???

So I sent Butch for a pipe wrench and a ladder and then set the poor boy to uncappin' the clean out...

There are days when there are definate advantages to gettin' the call from Jack the Boss and when he uncapped that clean out I knew that this one day was one of them days... 7 stories of backed up sewage came outta that clean out like a cannon ball from a cannon... I mean, there are no words to experess what it's like to be showered in 7 stories of crap!!!

Well, after what seemed like an eternal shower the the sewage slowed to just an occasional drip and it was then that we both saw that the head of the snakey thing was hung right there in the T-Y... So I figured that all it needed was a nudge with a crowbar out toward us an' I wouldn't have to make that call to Jack the Boss so, poor ol' Butch was soakin' wet so I went for the crowbar and I told Butch to chill (haha) while I got up on the ladder and tried to coax the snakey thing out of the T-Y fittin'.....

Hey, did I mention that I was only like, ahhhhh, 26 years old at the time and 26 years old's ain't as smart as, like, 60 year old's... Just thiought that this would be a good time to make that casual observation...

So, I stuck that crowbar in the clean out and got behind that snake and leveraged it little at a time toward me until I had 'bout 90% of it out with just a little bit still hung in the T-Y fittin'and I knew instinctively that what was going to happen next was outta my hands but it might not be too fun...

"Hey, Butch!!! Better back up 'cause this is gonna be one heck of a show!!!" I yelled as I pried the head of the sankey thing that last 1/4 inch and.........

BANG!!!

SWUSH!!!!

HOLY TOLEDO!!!!!

That 250 pound snakey thing, all 150 feet come outta that clean out in about the most frightfull 5 seconds on this man's life... It come out like a demon as it whipped and thrashed and took on a life of its own... When it fianlly quit its thrashin' I look over at Butch and the poor boy has climbed half way up one of them chicken wire lockers....

Whew!!!

Wish this was the end of the story but it weren't... Here we had an inch of sewage in the basement....

So rather than call Jack, I called a couple buddies, who owed me big time, an' 'bout 4 hours later we had the basement lookin' okay at best... Yeah a few golf bags stll soaked at the bottom but, hey, it's was long time before golf season...

I din't have the heart to ask Butch to go back up on the roof to retreieve "The Honey Dipper" and the empty reels so one of my buddies and I did it, brought it down to the basement and ran a couple lenghts thru the clean out fir good luck, capped it and by now it was beer-thirty... We got all the equipemtn abck into the VW bus 'bout the time the temps got into single digits and headed home... It was dark by then... It was cold... We were both soaked... And for those of you who have ever had an old Volkswagen bus it ain't much warmer in them in the winter than outta 'um...

But I remembered that the half a joint we ahd left in the ash tray that mornin' and fired it up, cranked up a little Poco on the cassette player and that got us home...

Long showers and a few beers later Butch and me and our ladies were sitting 'round jst being happy to have that day in the rear view mirror when the phone rings... It was Jack the Boss...

"How'd things go down at Dolly Madison today??" he asked...

"Piece of cake, Jack... Piece of cake..."

Bobert


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM

No Rapaire, but I can sympathize. I have "carried" several of them (row boats) to shore. Perhaps you're related to my ex-wife's family?

John


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:46 PM

All I can say to that tale, Bobert, is... Holy shit. Be glad it wasn't 25 floors, I guess.

I'm surprised you didn't both run away and join the foreign legion or something.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:17 PM

Hmmm...well, someone who shall remain forever nameless was cutting the grass last summer (it wasn't me, but I'm related to her by marriage) when she hit a piece of rebar! Blammo! and the mower (which is about 18 months old NOW) was no longer cutting grass parallel to the ground. Well, we finish up as best we could and take it to Sears for repair.

Two weeks later it comes back. No charge, done under warranty. In the meantime I've taken the rebar out of the ground.

So someone my wife is related to by marriage is cutting the grass and BLAMMO! The mower hits ANOTHER piece of rebar! Fortunately, this time it happened at the END of the cutting. Off the mower goes again to Sears. This time they charge US $75 because there are broken parts.

But in the meantime I'm prowling around the ground, looking for rebar pegs. And I find a LOT of them! It appears that a previous owner pegged a long-gone fence down with 1/2 inch rebar pegs. I pulled a good dozen or more out, and they varied from about 10 to about 24 inches long. They are currently rusting in a landfill.

But the lady of the house is again cutting grass with the newly repaired mower. SHE hits -- no, not rebar. She hits one of the in-ground sprinkler heads! It doesn't damage the mower, but it does neatly destroy the sprinkler head and water shoots up about six feet into the air. She's soaked, and hearing the cussing I see what's going on and run to cut off the water.

Cutting the grass last summer was an adventure. I can't wait for this year.....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Sorcha
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:38 PM

You guys are killing me! Leaving out the solid fat in pastry crust (twice) hardly counts!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 11:21 PM

My suggestion, Rapaire: Have the entire lawn mashed flat by one of those huge machines with a big roller at the front. Or...dig it all up and turn it into a minefield, and never mow it or use it again. Dogs may still poop on your property, but probably only once or twice.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Sorcha
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 11:24 PM

Native grasses and wildflowers?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Janie
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 11:35 PM

Uhh--Sorch? when did you realize it was missing?


Guys, guys, guys....ain't it good to be able to laugh about some things.... later?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 07:22 PM

In the summer of 1976, when the USA was celebrating its bicentennial, I volunteered to do some work for the Minnesota Bicentennial Commission. One event was an ice cream social to be held on the lawn of the Minnesota Capitol. I was going to be one of the people who dished out the free ice cream for the public, but my first task was to pick up the ice cream from the warehouse of the company that donated it—I think it was Land o' Lakes. I did this on a Saturday; the event was the next afternoon.

It was a very hot day, in the 90's. When I arrived at the warehouse, the manager asked me, "What have you got to put it in?" I said, "The trunk of my car." He said, "You can't put it in there. It'll melt!" Then he reconsidered. "Hey, I know what I'll do. I'll give you some dry ice. We'll just turn your trunk into a cooler." So we loaded up my trunk with maybe 200 pounds of ice cream and several pounds of dry ice.

It worked beautifully. I drove the 20 miles or so back to the capitol, and went directly to the state garage where the trailer was stored which we were going to use the following day as the booth from which we would dispense the ice cream. This trailer was also on loan from the ice cream company. It had been delivered earlier, and its refrigerator had been plugged in so the cooler would be pre-cooled and ready to receive the ice cream. The ice cream was in fine condition and so was the cooler, so I loaded it in.

Then I noticed I still had a lot of dry ice left. What should I do with it? I was a rather conservation-minded person, and I reasoned that if I put the dry ice in with the ice cream, then the refrigerator wouldn't have to work so hard to keep the ice cream cold and we would save the state some electricity. So that's what I did.

It didn't occur to me that dry ice is much colder than the optimum serving temperature of ice cream (-108.4 º F compared to +10 º F – I just looked it up) or that the quantity of dry ice I was putting in might be more than enough to last all night.

Next day, at serving time, the ice cream was rock hard. There was no way you could get a scoop into it. We improvised. For a while we tried hacking off chunks of ice cream with a butcher knife, but even that was hard work, and there was some risk of losing fingers. Fortunately Sunday was also a hot day, and we took full advantage of it. The method we finally evolved was to remove each block of ice cream from its package—it came in rectangular half-gallon boxes—and set it in the sun until the surface softened up a bit, then we would scrape off what we could. It was messy, but we got the job done. And the crowd that came for free ice cream was amazingly patient.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 08:04 PM

I almost forgot this one:

In 1975-77 I worked at The Yard Store in Wichita, Kans. They dealt in all sorts of stuff, as you'd see from the page...but being in Wichita, they had surplus stuff from Boeing, Beech and Cessna to pick thru occasionally. I made a number of trips to Boeing, especially, to get surplus and scrap Aluminum and other sheet metal.

One day the BOSS told me to get out the flatbed truck and HE would go with me to Boeing to get some scrap...(uh-oh...the boss' nickname was Baby Huey, after the BIG animated cartoon character who bumbled along clumsily and caused havoc.)....anyway, we got there, and the BOSS, hurriedly (because he HATED having to pay overtime) 'helped' me throw (not stack neatly) a huge batch of sheets of galvanized iron and a few of Aluminum on the back of the truck.
Away we went....with BOSS driving, since he was BOSS. (He almost never drove that truck). We wended our way thru the Boeing maze ok...slowly, as there was no other way with all the gates and turns...but when we got to the access road leading to the highway, he ummmm...increased the pressure of his foot on the accelerator.....and there was this curve.
"Gary, take it eas..." I tried to say, but I was FAR too late. Centrifugal force will have its way...and several hundred lbs. of sheet metal went schlooooping off the right side of the truck, taking out the 2-3 2X4s that were all he had used to guard things...NO chains, NO ropes, NO metal-reinforced sides..(sitting on the ground back at the store).

He strewed that metal all OVER that road...neatly blocking the entire exit from the plant! "Oh, gosh" I believe he said...and out we clambered, collecting the stuff from FAR more messy circumstances than we had just an hour earlier. This time, after a half-hour of tedious lugging and lifting, I carefully made sure the piles were STACKED, not 'piled in heaps' and 'suggested' that I might drive back....which I did at a pretty slow clip with very slow accelerations.

It made a new story to regale the other guys at the store with about being 'helped' by the BOSS.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bert
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:24 PM

I was between jobs and ended up driving an icecream truck. Well to start with I was given a truck with an American 'Taylor' machine. Now to refill this you just lifted the lid and poured in more 'cream' stuff.

After a few weeks of this they changed over to some Italian machine because it fluffed up the icecream more and you could get more cones from a bag of 'cream'. It was able to do this because it was pressurised and you had to release the pressure BEFORE lifting the lid.

Of course I forgot and just lifted the lid.


**BANG**

The explosion spread ice cream all over the interior of the truck including me and my assistant.

Gave new meaning to the phrase 'Icecream Man'


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bert
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:38 PM

This one wasn't MY screw up but Bobert's story has just refreshed my memory of the incident.

I was working in Bahrain building an offshore platform. There was this control room that was built in the States and shipped out by sea to the jobsite.

As part of my job I had occasion to go into this control room and noted that it came complete with a bathroom.

Now the natives there, seeing this, had used the pot, not knowing (or caring) that it was not hooked up. So it was filled to the brim with the most obnoxious looking and smelling mess you could imagine. Seeing as several forms of dysentry were endemic there.

All went well 'till the plumber had to hook it up to the module. There he was underneath the control room removing the 4 inch plug (or cap, I can't remember which) which was situated above his head.

Of course he got the lot all over him.

The person who told me what had happened was expecting some sympathetic response. All I said was 'He opened a line not checking what it was - He was lucky it wasn't a steam line'


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bobert
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:56 PM

Havin' been there, next time I'll take the steam line, Bert...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 10:24 PM

Speaking of which, I recall a screwup that happened at a zoo in Germany a few years ago. There was an elephant that was sick...seriously constipated. The zoo attendant had given the elephant some laxatives, but with no effect, and it was in clear distress. The attendant positioned himself behind the elephant and forced his hand and arm up its anus to see if he could clear the blockage there. The blockage suddenly did clear, and an avalanche of dung burst out of the elephant which was so sudden and so overwhelming that the unfortunate man got literally buried in a huge pile of it, where he suffocated. He was found dead by other staff, under this humungous mass of elephant droppings. The elephant recovered. The man did not.

True story, as far as I know. I have tried to find corroboration of it on the Net, but without success.

This is what I would call a terminal screwup.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Bobert
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 10:38 PM

Nah, LH, I heard that story as well and seems that the elephant was the one that died of embarrassment of havin' a man with his arm stuck up its butt....

Yeah, looked around and saw a bunch of other elephants lookin' at the specticle an' just fell out dead from the moment...

The man, however, had a severely dislocated shoulder from bein' taken down by the elephant...

Moral of the story...

...don't stick yer arm in no ones butt... Right there in the Bible... I think.... Okay, maybe not... But should be...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 10:42 PM

Now look, Bobert, if you are a vet you simply have to do things like that. It's part of the job, eh?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 12:33 AM

Ya ever preg check a cow? If so, with or without sleeve? (The sleeve is much nicer. Still messy, but nicer.)

I heard or read this, and it's supposed to be true.

A guy was building his own airplane, as some folks do. Using surplus parts he'd done pretty well -- except he had no electrical generator. So he found one, one of those that generate electricity as air rushing under the airplane as it flies turns a propellor attached to a generator. He drove over and bought it.

On the way back, he realized that he really didn't know if it worked or not. So he opened the sun roof on his car and stuck the generator up with one hand and steered with the other.

At 70 mph the propellor turned quite nicely. And it generated electricity quite nicely. Electricity with enough voltage to make you want to drop a forty pound generator, only you CAN'T! You can't even pull your arm inside the car!

Finally, pretty much electrocuted, he managed to work the unit back in the car and fling it into the back seat.

Bad idea. The prop was still merrily rotating and it not only chewed up the back seat, but the roof upholstery and the backs of the front seats as well. Then it bounced into the front passenger seat and proceeded to chew on that. Finally, it fell on the floor and the prop jammed and stopped.

This unit cost the guy five hundred dollars...used. Rebuilding it, repairing the car, and recovering his mental health drove the cost way, way up there.

"But...it seemed like such a GOOD idea at the time...."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Screw ups...
From: NH Dave
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:29 AM

Thank you, Bobert, for reminding me of a screwup of mine that was all my fault. During my early days in the military, we lived in a 55 foot mobile home, caravan for our British friends, which the Air Force towed from base to base for me. When I got back to New Hampshire, I had forgotten just how cold the weather could get, even on the seacoast, and neglected to insulate the 4" plastic pipe that connected the trailer to the sewer connection, so on one of the colder days, it froze up solid. Hot water down the bathroom sink merely came back up in the bottom of the tub, along with some black curds that even I wasn't going to investigate. Nothing would do but to get down underneath the tailer and see if I could warm the pipe enogh to thaw the icy bit. Now you Physics folks out there can tell me that it takes hundreds more units of heat to thaw a small bit of ice than it does to raise the same amount of water one degree of temperature, and I had known that back when I was in school too.

None the less, I bundled up in my AF issue parka, and parka pants, and got under the trailer with a butane torch. Well, as I said earlier, this pipe was plastic and I could see bits of it melting, and small bits of that starting to burn, so I could see that that wasn't going to work. Oh well, like Bobert, there was nothing for it except to disconnect the top end of the pipe from the trailer, and hope I could roll out of the way fast enough to miss most of the deluge . . . I didn't!

So, covered in muck, I removed the other end of the pipe from the sewer, knocked it about enough to get most of the ice out of the pipe, reconnected it, and checked things inside. Once I found that everything was working properly, I put my outside clothes into a water and smell proof bag, and took a long hot shower, paying particular attention to my fingernails and hands.

The next day, I took my bag of pungent outer clothes over to supply to trade them in for some clean ones. I was working on the B-47 bomber back then, which didn't have lavatory facilities other than a 5-6 gallon bucket which we called a honey bucket, that had to be downloaded down a 6' hatch to the ground for eventual dumping, so I knew I could claim that a honey bucket had overturned on me, and get some clean gear from the supply folks.

I walked in and told my sad made-up tale to the supply clerk, and he started to get me some new clothing. His supervisor, a mroe suspicious lot, decided that he had better check the bag to insure that it contained everything I claimed, before issuing me the new gear. I suggested tha he check it down by the end of the counter, but this only made him more suspicious, and nothing would do but he open it up right there.

Well, I stood back and motioned to the other clerk to do the same, as his boss started to open the waterproof bag. When he finally got it open, is was almost as if a small brown cloud had issued from the open end, because he closed it right up again, asked me weakly, exactly what I had in the sack, and issued it to me on the spot.

Dave


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate


Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 19 January 12:09 AM EST

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.