The Genre of Funny English Songs

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Dec 19 - 11:56 AM

Somebody already name-dropped
The Bonzo Dog Doodah Band:

Can blue men sing the whites,
or are they hypocrites?

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,jim bainbridge
Date: 10 Dec 19 - 05:28 AM

I have a repertoire which includes some funny songs- well, some people laugh anyway.
However, at some singarounds, after several dreich songs, I often feel under pressure to redress the balance with a bit of humour. The result is that some people think I'm a singer of comic songs.
So I'd like to place on record that if I get the chance I can be as bloody miserable as everybody else....

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 09 Dec 19 - 04:55 PM

For the purposes of this thread, does "English Songs" include songs in English by Irish song writers? Cos if so, there are many excellent candidates, from Zozimus via Percy French to some brilliant writers who are on the go now, such as Con Ó Drisceoil.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Dec 19 - 09:29 AM

Peeler and the Goat
The Sick Note

And anything by Tom Lehrer (who sang IN English)...

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,Peter green
Date: 09 Dec 19 - 06:44 AM

There are some great funny singer/songwriters in my neck of the woods( South DORSET) Paul Openshaw, Polly Morris and Warwick Slade, to mention a few.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,George Henderson
Date: 08 Dec 19 - 05:01 PM

The Oldest Swinger in Town written by Ed Pickford (claimed once again by Fred Wedlock who I think lost the court case)

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Joe_F
Date: 07 Dec 19 - 06:05 PM

Charlie Piecan.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST, dj stone
Date: 07 Dec 19 - 08:22 AM

No matter how old a prune maybe , it's always full of wrinkles.    Baby prunes ain't half as bad                                       .                                 

Not quite as wrinkled as their dad.

But no matter how young a prune maybe.
It always ends up stewed.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 05:16 AM

Not seen a mention of Stanley Accrington either.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 04:09 AM

(Nearly) everything by Doc Cox, especially in the guise of Ivor Biggun, and later with the Trembling Wheelbarrows.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,LynnH
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 01:44 PM

Never heard (of) Roaring Jelly!!????

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 06:38 AM

Russ Abbot did a lot, including some folk songs by him and his pals as the parody group "The Spanners".

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Sep 18 - 08:47 AM

Bob Cann had a fair repertoire of comic songs as I recall.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,Peter Cripps
Date: 19 Sep 18 - 07:17 AM

I think I heard, many years ago (May have been on 'Folk on 2') at the same time as 'Outboard Motor man' a song about amateur sailors with a chorus @Salcombe, Salcombe by the sea' - anyone remember it?

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Jan 18 - 06:19 PM

There is a whole thread about Joyce Grenfell underway at the moment,
and I see she is named here.
This is a genre which has helped many a person forget about their troubles,
including me west of the Atlantic.
(Flanders & Swann especially)

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 08:12 PM

I don't think there's been a mention of George Formby, though a song he sang, Our Sergeant Major, has been mentioned.

Fame is fleeting. Though not in Lancashire. This case.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE OUTBOARD MOTOR MAN (Graham Penny)
From: GUEST,Dave Sharp
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 07:45 AM

Re: The Outboard Motor Man

I have a recording somewhere of Graham Penny singing this and have transcribed the lyrics below.
The Outboard Motor Man
        By Graham Penny of the Fo’c’sle folk club Southampton)

Come all you outboard motor men, and a story I'll you tell
'Tis of a bold sea captain who to misfortune fell
A trim and trusty fishing boat he set out to acquire
A hundred guineas was the price, the purchase it was hire

She had an engine stout and strong, with power of horses three
A mounted on the transom, it was plain for all to see
Ten foot she was from stem to stern, one of the moorhen class.
Her hull was clinker moulded of stout English fibreglass

Now the captain had two daughters fair, he bade them stay at home
Which made the maidens' hearts to care for the were inclined to roam
So they put on their Brutus jeans and their rugby shirts so gay
And they went on board the vessel all dressed in man's array

Now they launched her in the harbour close by the Mudeford run
The engine started off the went like a bullet from a gun
Well the mate cried out oh captain sir I do fear for my life
But the captain did not heed the mate, for the mate it was his wife

Well they had not been gone but about one hour, I know it was not more
'Twixt Hengistbury and Christchurch tower one quarter mile offshore
When the engine coughed the engine stopped she would no longer go
Fear not fear not the captain said for to safety we shall row

Then up did speak the captain's son, a lad of barely eight
Well I will pull you to the shore if you will navigate
Thus saying o'er the side he went, which caused the mate to weep
But the lad he did not perish for 'twas only two feet deep

So come all you outboard motor men and take warning now by me
Steer clear of shallow waters when out upon the sea
Except you have a brave bold lad a-serving in your crew
Who'll bring you safe to harbour if you should foul the screw

The Mudeford Run, Hengistbury and Christchurch tower are all on\near the coast in the Christchurch area of southern England

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: MartinRyan
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 07:45 AM

The excellent Inishowen International Ballad Seminar has always had a very varied attendance from all over the ----- (insert whichever geographical/political term you prefer for that pleasant group of large islands, including Ireland, off the west coast of Europe). One year, for vaguely agricultural reasons related to either BSE or Foot and Mouth disease, the Scots stayed at home and the English turned up! It took a while to realise the impact of the switch. Let's just say that several of the songs cited above made an appearance for the first time, in my experience, at the sessions...

Regards

Subject: Lyr Add: THE VICAR AND THE FROG (Stan Crowther)
From: Bainbo
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 05:49 PM

If anybody's still interested, two-and-a-half years after the question was posed in this thread, The Vicar and the Frog was written by Stan Crowther. He has a reputation as a fine songwriter, tarnished only by the fact that he later became Labour MP for Rotherham

THE VICAR AND THE FROG

There once was a very, very holy vicar
And he was a-walking down the street
When he heard a little voice say: "Excuse me, vicar,
Help me, vicar," the voice did say.
Well, the vicar looked round, but all he could see
Was a tiny frog sitting on the ground.
"Was it you little froggy, was it you who spoke?
Was it you who spoke when I heard that sound?"

"Oh, yes," said the frog, "Oh, help me, vicar,
For I'm not really a frog, you see.
I'm a choirboy really, but a wicked fairy
Cast a nasty spell on me.
And the only way that I can be saved
From that evil witch," the little frog said,
"Is for someone to take me and put me in a place
Where a holy man has laid his head."

Well the vicar took him home and he put him on his pillow
And there he lay till the break of day.
And lo and behold, now, a blessed miracle -
The boy was saved I'm glad to say.
For there lay a choirboy in bed with the vicar,
And I hope you think this all makes sense.
For there, My Lord, and members of the jury
Rests the case for the defence.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Brooke
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 05:03 PM

'Twas market day in the village
And the crowds 'round the stalls was quite dense,
But what caught my eye was a stall piled 'igh
With musical instruments.

Then up to that stall came a little old man
'Is clothes was all tattered and thin,
But his face came alight as 'is eyeballs caught sight
Of a beautiful old violin.

He 'eld it up to the dealer,
Sayin', " 'Ow much is this one then?"
The dealer replied, "That's a Stradivarius.
It'll cost ya four pound ten!"

"I can't afford that," said the little old man,
And a lump came into my throat.
For him I felt sad, so I gave him what I had,
My only ten shilling note.

A crowd had all gathered behind us
So I quickly went round with 'is 'at.
When I finished I found I'd collected five pound
So I took my ten shilling note back.

Well, we gave to the dealer the money
And this old man, so shabbily dressed,
Picked up the violin, put it under his chin,
And he played like a man possessed!

He played fu-gues and cantatas,
And ora-ta-torios too.
By composers like Johann, Sebasti, an’ Bach,
To mention just a few.

He played waltzes by Strauss and 'Die Fledermaus’
And 'Tales from the Vienna Wood',
And Tchaikovsky's 'Piano Concerto'—
But he didn't play that very good.

The crowd were all hushed as the little old man
Said "I'll now play with dexterity
A well-known tune that may make you all swoon:
'The Flight of the Bumble Bee'."

Well! We'd never 'eard anything like it
As he played whatever he'd said,
But when the crowd clapped, something in 'is 'eart snapped
And down he fell—at our feet—dead.

So we gave back the fealer his diddle (er—the dealer his fiddle),
We took back our money, but then,
"No! No!" cried the crowd, in unison loud,
"We'll bury him, with that vi'lin!"

So 'twas then on that cold Tuesd'y mornin'
We laid the old man to his rest,
And we took that old fiddle, laid it down on his middle,
And we went away feeling depressed.

But the angels all welcomed the little old man
When he stepped into heaven that day;
'Till he took up the bow—o'er the strings it did go
And those angels all howled with dismay.

They put their wings over their ears
As 'Flight of the Bumble Bee' droned,
Three were sure they'd been stung! Six became quite unstrung!
And the other ten thousand all groaned.

The Stradivarius they then took from him
And gave 'im a 'arp instead.
He took one look at it, and then 'is head scratched it
Saying, "By gum, I think I must be dead."

So if you pass by yonder graveyard,
On a cold wintry night you may see
A little old man—with a harp in his hand—
Playin' 'Flight of the Bumble Bee'.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,Chris Jones
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 07:24 PM

An old Benny Hill song starts:-

Twas market day in the village and the crowd round the stalls was quite dense,
But what caught my eye was a stall pile high - full of musical instruments.
Well up to the stall came this little old man - his clothes all tattered an thin,
And his face came alight when his eyeballs got sight of a bootifull old violin.
So he held it up to the dealer and said "how much is this one then?"
"That's a Stradivarius my son and it'll cost you four pounds ten!"
I can't afford that said the little old man, and a lump come into my throat.
I was feeling quite chuffed so in his hands I did stuff a ten shilling note.
By now a crowd had gathered so I quickly went round with his hat.
When I fifnished I'd found I'd collected five pounds - so I took me ten shillings back.

What comes next???????? Argh!!!!
Sad old me can't sleep thinking about this stupid but funny song?
Please put me out of my misery.
(shoot me!)

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 02:59 AM

Do the Barron Knights merit a mention?

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Bugsy
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:15 PM

We were both born in Ramsgate, Kent.

I think my dad would have learned it from his older brothers who would have heard their father singing it. He was a bit of a music hall/pub performer but he died on the Somme when my dad was a few months old.
My dad had a great affection for Music hall songs, especially Flanagan & Allan and Marriott Edgar poetry.

CHeers

Bugsy

Subject: Lyr Add: THE NEIGHBOURS' CAT (Leon Rosselson)
From: Colin Randall
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 03:02 PM

Here, repeated from an earlier thread, are the lyrics of Leon Rosselson's song

THE NEIGHBOURS' CAT
As recorded by Leon Rosselson on "Wo Sind Die Elefanten?" (1991)

1. Those new neighbours, they never mow the lawn.
They're throwing things and rowing from dawn to bloody dawn.
Their drains are overflowing; their garden smells of pee,
And dandelions are growing where the roses ought to be.
They've got five cheeky children, and even worse than that,
The terror of the neighbourhood: a devil of a cat.

CHORUS: The cat, the cat, the neighbours' cat,
Is not at all the sort of cat
That sits contented on a mat.
He's not a cat like that.
He isn't furry, fine or fat.
You wouldn't want to pet or pat
This scraggly, ragged, outsized rat.
The dustbin is his habitat,
The neighbours' cat.

2. Our pussy cats are neutered; they're decent and they're clean,
And they keep respectful silence when they hear "God save the Queen;"
But this one's still uncivilised, a spitting infidel,
With his nightly caterwauling and his nasty moggy smell,
Assaulting our azaleas, urinating on our gnomes,
Demolishing our dahlias; we're not safe in our own homes.

3. He'll claw at our car bonnets; he'll savage dogs and crows.
He spreads chaos and subversion everywhere he goes.
And this really makes my blood boil: he's fanatically fond
Of harpooning the goldfish in our ornamental pond.
We never catch him at it, cos he's underhand and sly,
But we know who to blame when our prize marrows droop and die. CHORUS

4. Now, he's corrupting all our darlings and leading them astray,
Brainwashing them to act in a most unnatural way.
Does he get them high on cat mint? 'Cos they wear a hippie grin
As they leap in front of lorries in a suicidal spin.
It's a shocking situation. Every morning we emerge
To find another flattened pussy laid out on the verge.

5. Have you heard the latest? Things can't go this way.
The rumour is the neighbours' cat has joined the IRA.
Our house prices are falling. It's time we made a stand.
We've got up a petition. This wild cat must be banned.
Yes, burn him for a traitor, this embodiment of sin,
This ruthless agitator; he's the enemy within. CHORUS


Great song, beautifully delivered by Leon. I think the person posting the lyrics was responsible for correcting Leon's possessive apostrophes

Colin


Salut! Live

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 03:50 AM

By the way Bugsy, where are you / your dad from?

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 03:10 AM

That donkey one was on Niel Inness's Rutland Weekend Television- sung by the Fabulous Bingo Brothers.

Once we had a donkey, kept it in the yard,
One night in the winter, it was blowin' hard,
Muvver said the donkey must be cold in the yard,
Bring it in the kitchen, let it have a warm.

In come the donkey, bit me farver's ear,
Took it for a cabbage leaf and broke the chandelier,
Out went the gas
And then it come alight again
Poor farver's ear,
Donkey took a bite again,
Muvver took a knife for to stick it in the ass,
Stuck it in me farver's 'ead and out went the gas.

Auntie Mary can't get at it,
Muvver's sewn me drawers up.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Bugsy
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 03:05 AM

Paul,

Thanks for that mate, i thought that the song would be lost for me forever.

I only remember the verses you have there plus the beginnings of one that went:

Once we had a donkey, kept it in the yard
One rainy evening it was blowin bloomin hard
...............

And one about a butchers and pork pie shop.

I seem to remember that my dad started the song off with the verse about the donkey

Oh.. how the memory fades............


Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 12 Nov 08 - 11:44 AM

"Liverpool Lullaby" by Stan Kelly (aka Stan Kelly-Bootle). Recorded by Judy Collins in 1967 on In My Life. It's a straight lullaby until a line late in the song that cracks me up: "and I'll buy your daddy a brewery".

I think it deviates from being a lullaby a lot sooner than that.

"Sure you are a mucky kid,
Dirty as a dustbin lid.
And when he hears the things that you did
You'll get a belt from yor Da"

Child cruelty!

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Colin Randall
Date: 12 Nov 08 - 10:48 AM

There's some great wit, and even laugh out loud humour, in a few of Leon Rossleson's songs. The Neighbour's Cat and I Didn't Mean It (if those are the correct titles) spring to mind.

From the last century, the pitman poet Tommy Armstrong's song "Wor Nanny's a Mazer" is very funny, and probably not too deep in North eastern dialect to deter outsiders. The Durham coalfield also inspired a lot of clever, funny material in the late 60s and 70s by Johnny Handle, the Northern Front and one or two others - often applying "pitmatic" language to biblical tales. But those may a bit impenetrable to non mackems & geordies

colin
Salut! Live

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 12 Nov 08 - 10:23 AM

Bugsy: I only just saw your post to this thread re Down Came the Blind. I posted it a few years ago- do you have any more verses?

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Flash Company
Date: 13 Oct 06 - 07:54 AM

The Sergeant Major one sounds familiar, I think I heard it sometime in the past but can't remember where or when. (Hey, that could be a title for a song!)
NH Dave asked me for the tune for 'Outboard Motor Man' and regrettably, I can't help him, (Hell, I only used to sing it!). I know it is 'cod 19th Century', but don't have a clue what it is based on. Has anyone else heard it?

FC

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Rowan
Date: 13 Oct 06 - 01:51 AM

The Pawnbroker's Song (which I've been trying to find the words for)
Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet St
and, although it's recitation rather than a song (as far as I've heard,
The ballad of Idwal Slabs

And thanks to whoever it was mentioned Ivor Cutler, whom I've not heard mentioned for years.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Gurney
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 10:53 PM

My favourite was 'Broken-Hearted-Lover's Stew' performed and possibly written by Benny Hill.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,thurg
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 09:44 PM

The old fella (Canadian) used to sing a scrap of some war-time hit, in an affected English accent, and with great emotion:

His medals broke our hearts,
He won them playing darts,
Our Sergeant-Major!


Familiar to anyone?

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 09:07 PM

Lumpytums.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 04:53 PM

Nobody has mentioned Jeremy Taylor yet. "Red Velvet Steering Whell Car", "Jobsworth", "Prawns in the Game" and "Liberal Man" have to be in there somewhere.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 04:27 PM

Sydney Carter wrote a few funnies - for example "Down Below"

The incompatrable "Cosmotheka" didn't write any songs that I'm aware of, but they brought some crackers back to light.

And don't forget their mates Chaz'n Dave (far more famous, though not in the same league - but pretty good). Here is a rather charming video of their Rabbit (Which come to think of it is very reminscent of Jake Thackray's "On agioan,on again,on again"... Thematically, I mean.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: CuCullen
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 04:02 PM

Has anyone mentioned the Bonzo Dog DooDa Band?

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Scrump
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 03:54 PM

And someone mentioned The Yetties, a little more authentic sounding, but still funny.

Authentic in what way? I think a lot of Adge Cutler's songs are pretty 'authentic' too!

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: NH Dave
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 02:51 PM

The Wurtsels, both during and after Adge Cutler-
I've got a Combine Harvester (and I'll give you the key)
Dorset is beautiful
and at least 4-5 more records, as well.

And someone mentioned The Yetties, a little more authentic sounding, but still funny.

Dave

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,Bentley
Date: 13 May 06 - 05:46 PM

No one has mentioned Peter Sellers.Boo Diddy Boo Diddy Boo Diddy Boo Diddy Goodness Gracious Me.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,Gandamak
Date: 13 May 06 - 06:16 AM

Gents

Saw this notice in passing. I have been looking for the words to The Vicar and the Choirboy for about twenty years when I last heard it. Does anyone have the words or know where I can get them.

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: SussexCarole
Date: 11 May 06 - 06:21 PM

Songs written by John "Mitch" Mitchell from Worksop - My Proper name is Clarence - Shirley's Sunburnt Spot - The alcotherapist - Senile Skifflers

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,Ken Brock
Date: 11 May 06 - 06:11 PM

"Liverpool Lullaby" by Stan Kelly (aka Stan Kelly-Bootle). Recorded by Judy Collins in 1967 on In My Life. It's a straight lullaby until a line late in the song that cracks me up: "and I'll buy your daddy a brewery".

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Charmain
Date: 11 May 06 - 05:52 PM

Ha Ha cheers Snuffy - that has to be one of the best funny songs in the English language - cos matter how much you sing it and no matter how annoyed the other person gets they actually can't help laughing at you too - the other of course is "I'm Henry the Eighth I am" similar childhood classic to irritate older siblings with - although beatings can ensue if you take it too far...

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: GUEST,Ken Brock
Date: 11 May 06 - 04:02 PM

Me Husband's Got No Courage In Him

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Flash Company
Date: 11 May 06 - 11:30 AM

There is one called 'The Day the Piddletrenthide Jug Band Hit the Charts', I heard it from Bob Morton of the Union Folk, but given the title, it probably originates from The Yetties. I'll post it when I have a bit more time to spare>

FC

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Snuffy
Date: 11 May 06 - 08:52 AM

The Genre of Funny English Songs
The Genre of English Funny Songs
The English Genre of Funny Songs
The Funny Genre of English Songs
The Funny Songs of English Genre
The English Songs of Funny Genre
The Songs of Funny English Genre
.......

I know a song that'll get on yer nerves ......

Subject: RE: The Genre of English Funny Songs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 May 06 - 06:37 AM

Actually, I have been doing some serious thought about something troublesome with this thread.

The title, I think needs amendment. Should I just rant and rave about it here, hoping for it to be changed by a passing mudelf, or should I PM someone? And just where should I put, sorry send, my PM to ensure the job is properly done, as rapidly as possible?

You see, I really believe that we have a semantic problem in the title, thus the wrong emphasis is being given to the meaning, so should we not change the title to

"The Genre of English Funny Songs"

???

Subject: RE: The Genre of Funny English Songs
From: Crystal
Date: 11 May 06 - 06:00 AM

Most of my favourites have been mentioned! The Yetties did some funny stuff, so did the Spinners.