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Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions

DigiTrad:
AUSSIE TWELVE DAYS OF XMAS
THE TWELVE BUGS OF CHRISTMAS
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PARODY)
THE TWELVE DAYS OF MARXMAS
THE TWELVE THANKYOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS
TWELVE DAYS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (ORIGINAL)
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PC)


Related threads:
lyr req: Church Humour Song (12 days/genuflect) (1)
New words for the 12 days of Christmas (64)
(origins) Twelve Days of Christmas-for teaching catechism? (57)
Why 'in a pear-tree?' (60)
Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas... (84)
NewFolk 12 Days of Xmas (8)
Lyr Req: Twelve days of Christmas (drinks) (30)
12 days of Christmas 'Code' song??? qua Catechism (10)
Lyr Add: 12 Days of Christmas - Feline version (7)
Lyr Req: 12 days of Christmas - Canadian Brass (6)
(origins) Origins: 12 Days of Christmas (WWII version-Blau) (5)
Lyr Req: 12 Days of Marxmas (12)
Tune Req: Melody for Twelve Days After Christmas? (5)
Lyr Add: The Taxman's Christmas (5)
BS: Have a laugh- PC 12 Days of Christmas! (17)
Lyr Add: 12 Days of Counting (2000 election) (2)
12 Days of a Mudcat Christmas (45)


scrimnet 15 May 06 - 08:12 PM
Peace 15 May 06 - 08:16 PM
open mike 15 May 06 - 08:21 PM
scrimnet 16 May 06 - 08:33 AM
GUEST,gu2sp 03 Dec 09 - 10:10 AM
Genie 22 Dec 09 - 03:33 PM
Genie 22 Dec 09 - 03:41 PM
Jim Dixon 11 Oct 15 - 08:28 PM
Sandra in Sydney 12 Oct 15 - 01:54 AM
GUEST,Gerry 12 Oct 15 - 04:58 AM
Sandra in Sydney 12 Oct 15 - 09:01 AM
eftifino 12 Oct 15 - 10:53 AM
Steve Gardham 12 Oct 15 - 11:30 AM
Tattie Bogle 12 Oct 15 - 06:09 PM
Tattie Bogle 12 Oct 15 - 06:14 PM
Joe_F 12 Oct 15 - 08:51 PM
Steve Gardham 13 Oct 15 - 03:10 PM
GUEST 23 Nov 15 - 05:03 PM
GUEST 24 Nov 15 - 03:26 AM
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Subject: Lyr Req: 12 days of xmas -parody
From: scrimnet
Date: 15 May 06 - 08:12 PM

Thinking of songs sung as a child, I was reminded of a 12 days song...

5 old bins
4 crawling worms
3 bent pens
2 purple gloves
And an Airfix and an LP

Does anyone remember days 6-12 please!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 days of xmas -parody
From: Peace
Date: 15 May 06 - 08:16 PM

http://forums2.gardenweb.com/forums/load/soil/msg1221255815642.html?2


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 days of xmas -parody
From: open mike
Date: 15 May 06 - 08:21 PM

i am sure we have discussed many many versions of 12 day parodies..
why not use the search engine for the DT and the forum...?
just wait..there will be more additions come december....


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 days of xmas -parody
From: scrimnet
Date: 16 May 06 - 08:33 AM

Thanks open mike, I did search...no matches!

This one seems a bit more peculiar to Northants...!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 days of xmas -parody
From: GUEST,gu2sp
Date: 03 Dec 09 - 10:10 AM

twelve days of christmas that begins my true love gave to me a hand job in a pear tree


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Subject: 12 days of Christmas -My mother said to me
From: Genie
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 03:33 PM

I got this from a recent Portland song circle (which I was not able to attend). DK who wrote the parody, but some of us can probably relate:


12 DAYS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
 
On the 1st day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You've no decent clothes to wear."
 
On the 2nd day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You've put on some weight,* and you've no decent clothes to wear."
 
On the 3rd day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You should get a job ..."
 
On the 4th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You should visit Grandma ..."
 
On the 5th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"No boyfriend yet? ..."
 
On the 6th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You've been smoking marijuana ..."
 
On the 7th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"What's that in your suitcase? ..."
 
On the 8th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"Are you still on food stamps? ..."
 
On the 9th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"Sally's getting married ..."
 
On the 10th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"Esther has two children ..."
 
On the 11th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"Your life is a disaster! ..."
 
On the 12th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"We will always love you ..."


*I would change this line to "You're way too skinny." That's more in line with what a Jewish (or Italian or Greek, etc.) mother would say.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 days of xmas -parody
From: Genie
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 03:41 PM

Then there's the POLITICALLY CORRECT 12 DAYS OF XMAS
(Bruce Brackney,
by way of Vancouver BC Folk Song Soc.'s Three Quarter Times, Feb. 1998)
 
Note:   after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat.   To avoid further Animal American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.
 
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed Midwinter festival, my significant other in a consenting, adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
 
12      males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming;
 
11      pipers piping (including the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union, as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note);
 
10      melanin-deprived, testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system, leaping;
 
9        persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression;
 
8        economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine-Americans;
 
7        endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands;
 
6        enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products;
 
5        golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration;
 
4        hours of recorded whale songs
 
3        deconstructionist poets;
 
2        Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses; and
 
A spotted owl activist chained to an old-growth tree!
 

LOL


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Subject: Lyr Add: A JOYOUS TIME OF THE YEAR (Marty Feldman)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Oct 15 - 08:28 PM

A JOYOUS TIME OF THE YEAR
As recorded by Marty Feldman

Mother's feeling fragile in the bathroom.
Daddy's sleeping drunkenly upstairs.
My oldest sister Anna
Has been sick in the pianna
'Cause she ate a pound of marzipan and six tinned pears (six tinned pears).
Some fathead bought the youngest child a trumpet,
And now he's blowing discords in my ear.
What I spent on my wife's present
Could have bought Mornington Crescent.
Christmas is a joyous time of year.

CHORUS: Fa-la-la-la, fa-la-la-lo.
Plastic berries on the mistletoe.
Come fill the cup with warm fat beer.
Christmas is a joyous, such a joyous,
Christmas is a joyous time of year.

Elsie's started dancing on the table,
Showing such a nasty pair of knees.
My uncle down from Leith
Has just taken out his teeth,
And any minute now he'll sing the dirty words to "Trees" (dirty words to "Trees").
Granny's reading riddles out of crackers
Which are just about as funny as King Lear.
I believe this festive season
Will cause me to lose my reason.
Christmas is a joyous time of year.

CHORUS

On the first day of Christmas my family gave to me:
Twelve pairs of cufflinks,
Eleven snowstorm paperweights,
Ten pairs of underpants with names of drinks on,
Nine pairs of underpants with vintage cars on,
Eight sets of hankies,
Seven pairs of slippers,
Six hairbrushes with imitation leather backs that, when you unzip them, you find a metal comb and a mirror and a nail file and a vicious-looking instrument whose function would appear to be doctoring cats,
Five knitted things,
Four sordid scarves,
Three potted plants,
Two grotty ties,
And Don Partridge's latest LP—
And a subscription to the Jewish Chronicle?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 12 days of Christmas (tech version)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Oct 15 - 01:54 AM

good one, Jim

I posted this on another thread but it really belongs here. I found it sometime before 2006.


12 days of Christmas (techonolgy version)

On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree anyway?)

On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is going on?)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a 10GB database!)

On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Three French users (who, of course, think they know everything)
.. Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all over the net)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)

On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over and over)
.. Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over trivial things?)
.. Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones they are?)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a pointer error?)

On the fifth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Five golden SCSI contacts (Of course they're better than silver!)
.. Four support calls (Ever notice how time stands still when on hold?
.. Three French users (No, we don't have footpedals on PC's. Why do you ask?)
.. Two transceiver failures (If I knew which ones were bad, I would know which ones to fix!)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (Not till next week? Are you nuts?!?!)

On the sixth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Six games a-playing (On the production network, of course!)
.. Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean "not terminated!")
.. Four support calls (No, don't transfer me again - do you HEAR? Damn!)
.. Three French users (No, you cannot scan in by putting the page to the screen...)
.. Two transceiver failures (I can't look at the LEDs - they're in the ceiling!)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (Norway? That's where this was written?)

On the seventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Seven license failures (Expired? When?)
.. Six games a-playing (Please stop tying up the PBX to talk to each other!)
.. Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean I need "wide" SCSI?)
.. Four support calls (At least the Muzak is different this time...)
.. Three French Users (Well, monsieur, there really isn't an "any" key, but...)
.. Two transceiver failures (SQE? What is that? If I knew I would set it myself!)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I really need to talk to Lars - NOW!)

On the eighth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Eight MODEMs dialing (Who bought these? They're a security violation!)
.. Seven license failures (How many WEEKS to get a license?)
.. Six games a-playing (What do you mean one pixel per packet on updates?!?)
.. Five golden SCSI contacts (Fast SCSI? It's supposed to be fast, isn't it?)
.. Four support calls (I already told them that! Don't transfer me back - DAMN!)
.. Three French users (No, CTL-ALT-DEL is not the proper way to end a program)
.. Two transceiver failures (What do you mean "babbling
transceiver"?)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (Does anyone speak English in Oslo?)

On the ninth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Nine lady executives with attitude (She said do WHAT with the servers?)
.. Eight MODEMs dialing (You've been downloading WHAT?)
.. Seven license failures (We sent the P.O. two months ago!)
.. Six games a-playing (HOW many people are doing this to the network?)
.. Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean two have the same ID?)
.. Four support calls (No, I am not at the console - I tried that already.)
.. Three French users (No, only one floppy fits at a time? Why do you ask?)
.. Two transceiver failures (Spare? What spare?)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I am trying to find Lars! L-A-R-S!)

On the tenth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What is that Godawful beeping?)
.. Nine lady executives with attitude (No, it used to be
a mens room? Why?)
.. Eight MODEMs dialing (What Internet provider? We don't allow Internet here!)
.. Seven license failures (SPA? Why are they calling us?)
.. Six games a-playing (No, you don't need a graphics accelerator for Lotus! )
.. Five golden SCSI contacts (You mean I need ANOTHER cable?)
.. Four support calls (No, I never needed an account number before...)
.. Three French users (When the PC sounds like a cat, it's a head crash!)
.. Two transceiver failures (Power connection? What power connection?)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (Restore what index pointers?)

On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?)
.. Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an extension?)
.. Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room tiles in mauve?)
.. Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate dial-in?)
.. Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we have?!?!)
.. Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!)
.. Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I wouldn't be calling!)
.. Four support calls (Put me on hold again and I will slash your credit rating!)
.. Three French users (Don't hang your floppies with a magnet again!)
.. Two transceiver failures (How should I know if the connector is bad?)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (I already did all of that!)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
.. Twelve virtual pipe connections (There's only supposed to be two!)
.. Eleven boards a-frying (What a surge suppressor supposed to do, anyway?)
.. Ten SNMP alerts flashing (From a distance, it does kinda look like XMas lights.)
.. Nine lady executives with attitude (What do you mean aerobics before backups?)
.. Eight MODEMs dialing (No, we never use them to connect during business hours.)
.. Seven license failures (We're all going to jail, I just know it.)
.. Six games a-playing (No, no - my turn, my turn!)
.. Five golden SCSI contacts (Great, just great! Now it won't even boot!)
.. Four support calls (I don't have that package! How did I end up with you!)
.. Three French users (I don't care if it is sexy, no more nude screen
backgrounds!)
.. Two transceiver failures (Maybe we should switch to token ring...)
.. And a database with a broken b-tree (No, operator - Oslo, Norway. We were just talking and were cut off...)

http://www.chucklesofchoice.com/r-jokes/holidays/christmas/12chris009


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 12 Oct 15 - 04:58 AM

Sandra, remember the one I sang at the Dog?

12 chorus singers, 11 murder ballads, 10 Lawson poems, 9 bodhrans boring, 8 Morris dancers, 7 banjos fretting, 6 new guitar strings, 5 cumulative songs, 4 handsome Johnnys, 3 lovely Nancys, 2 fol-der-i-dos, and a floor spot at the Loaded Dog!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Oct 15 - 09:01 AM

which of course could be adapted to any folk club!

sandra


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: eftifino
Date: 12 Oct 15 - 10:53 AM

A public school friend of mine, since sadly deceased used to sing this:

On the First day of Christmas, my Lord did take to bed
My Lord Montague of Beaulieu
On the second day of Christmas, my lord did take to bed
2 Choir Boys and ..........
on the third day of Christmas my lord did take to bed
3 french Nuns, 2 choir.............

Anyone have the rest of it?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 12 Oct 15 - 11:30 AM

eftifino,
I'm pretty certain there's a whole thread somewhere on the Lord Montague versions.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 12 Oct 15 - 06:09 PM

The two song versions that most spring to my mind are Bill Barclay's increasingly drunken version, involving a helluva lot of drink:
Bill Barclay's 12 Days of Christmas
And there's the McCalman's version:
McCalmans' 12 Days of Christmas
Then there are the various monologues about all the birds sh$tting everywhere.....


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 12 Oct 15 - 06:14 PM

P.S. is this not all a bit premature? We've no got past Hallowe'en yet: it's iike all those stores that are already playing Christmas carols in October!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Oct 15 - 08:51 PM

Steve Gardham: Yes, indeed.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 13 Oct 15 - 03:10 PM

Ta, Joe.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Nov 15 - 05:03 PM

12 twight tossers
11 luscious lesbians
10 tattered titties
9 gnarn off nipples
8 hairy arseholes
7 convicted vicars
6 sex starved spinsters
5 queer boys
4 shit house doors
3 French whores
2 dirty drawers
and my Lord........


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Nov 15 - 03:26 AM

I knew it as

Five brown rings!
Four convicted vicars
Three Boy Scouts
Two choir boys
And my Lord Montague of Beauleiu

The late Lord, recently deceased. His car collection was a joy to behold.


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