Anthology of heckler putdowns

Subject: RE: Anthology of heckler putdowns
From: GUEST,Colin Holt
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 05:50 AM

What about..

..Ahh! seems we have a wit in the audience... Unfortunately only half of him as turned up tonight !!

Subject: RE: Anthology of heckler putdowns
From: GUEST,Desi C
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 08:29 AM

Not original but the one I use often is "sit down and plug your chair in"
or, "let's have a whip round and buy this guy a life"
or, "are you on your own?" !yes "I'm not surprised"
or, "no don't boo him, I have a soft spot for this chap...it's called a Swamp"
or, "does the nurse know you're here?"
or "ah, I was wondering who the club idiot was1"
or, I had just got up to sing one night and said I'd like to sing you an Irish song, guy shouts "go on Paddy sing an Oirish one" So I said "right this one's for the racist Bastard at the back" got the biggest cheer ever ;)
And Finally this from the old music hall comic Max Wall, he'd been through a rough time with the press over some scandal, guy starts heckling, Max waks slowly over puts his nose up to the huy's head and said "sit down sonny, I've been heckled by experts"

Subject: RE: Anthology of heckler putdowns
From: Sugwash
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 08:55 AM

'Banjo' Barney McKenna: "If there's a price on your head, I'd sell it!"

Subject: RE: Anthology of heckler putdowns
From: The Sandman
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 03:42 PM

Dick Miles, said "When they circumcised you they thew the wrong bit away

Subject: RE: Anthology of heckler putdowns
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 03:44 PM

Don - don't worry, we were hoping you'd do that one!

Subject: RE: Anthology of heckler putdowns
From: GUEST,SRD
Date: 16 Jun 11 - 04:38 PM

Quote:
Subject: RE: Anthology of heckler putdowns
From: GUEST,Floor Zit
Date: 09 Jul 06 - 03:40 AM

First heard from either Blossom or the Bishop of Shinners Rats:

"Listen sonny, I'm a professional, just like your Mother"

I think it was Blossom (with a handful of socks stuffed down his underpants), at the Tramshed in Woolwich, some time in the mid eighties, when they were taking part in a 'Battle of the Bands' as Kohlers Apes, and it was said to a particularly large skinhead who had taken the piss when Blossom picked up a guitar. For a moment the whole place went quiet before dissolving into laughter. Rumour has it that, for one moment, Blossom thought he'd gone too far - as if!
It was the same night that a couple of army musicians from Woolwich Barracks had gasped in astonishment "That's a twelve bar blues! These blokes can actually play!"