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BS: Pardon me Roy,

Peace 18 Jun 06 - 08:19 PM
bobad 18 Jun 06 - 08:24 PM
Peace 18 Jun 06 - 08:25 PM
bobad 18 Jun 06 - 08:26 PM
frogprince 18 Jun 06 - 08:28 PM
Rapparee 18 Jun 06 - 10:04 PM
SINSULL 18 Jun 06 - 10:41 PM
frogprince 18 Jun 06 - 10:59 PM
number 6 18 Jun 06 - 10:59 PM
JohnInKansas 19 Jun 06 - 01:15 AM
GUEST,Art Thieme 19 Jun 06 - 01:29 AM
open mike 19 Jun 06 - 02:04 AM
Jeanie 19 Jun 06 - 02:30 AM
Folkiedave 19 Jun 06 - 02:34 AM
GUEST,Elfcall 19 Jun 06 - 03:27 AM
Declan 19 Jun 06 - 03:59 AM
Morticia 19 Jun 06 - 05:21 AM
catspaw49 19 Jun 06 - 05:33 AM
Liz the Squeak 19 Jun 06 - 06:11 AM
wysiwyg 19 Jun 06 - 06:19 AM
catspaw49 19 Jun 06 - 07:42 AM
Azizi 19 Jun 06 - 07:54 AM
Morticia 19 Jun 06 - 08:00 AM
BuckMulligan 19 Jun 06 - 08:15 AM
Splott Man 19 Jun 06 - 08:32 AM
Rapparee 19 Jun 06 - 08:53 AM
Azizi 19 Jun 06 - 10:12 AM
Den 19 Jun 06 - 10:58 AM
Peace 19 Jun 06 - 11:06 AM
John Hardly 19 Jun 06 - 11:14 AM
Becca72 19 Jun 06 - 11:15 AM
catspaw49 19 Jun 06 - 11:38 AM
John MacKenzie 19 Jun 06 - 11:41 AM
Ernest 19 Jun 06 - 11:58 AM
gnu 19 Jun 06 - 02:09 PM
fat B****rd 19 Jun 06 - 02:58 PM
Bill D 19 Jun 06 - 05:55 PM
John MacKenzie 19 Jun 06 - 06:02 PM
GUEST,khandu 19 Jun 06 - 06:17 PM
Bill D 19 Jun 06 - 07:16 PM
gnu 19 Jun 06 - 07:58 PM
JohnInKansas 19 Jun 06 - 08:07 PM
John on the Sunset Coast 19 Jun 06 - 08:11 PM
RobbieWilson 19 Jun 06 - 08:29 PM
RobbieWilson 19 Jun 06 - 08:30 PM
GUEST,Art Thieme 19 Jun 06 - 09:14 PM
SINSULL 19 Jun 06 - 09:49 PM
jeffp 19 Jun 06 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 06 - 10:23 PM
Cool Beans 19 Jun 06 - 10:40 PM
Liz the Squeak 20 Jun 06 - 03:31 AM
John MacKenzie 20 Jun 06 - 05:17 AM
Liz the Squeak 20 Jun 06 - 07:59 AM
Rapparee 20 Jun 06 - 09:06 AM
Rapparee 20 Jun 06 - 09:19 AM
Tannywheeler 20 Jun 06 - 09:54 AM
Peace 20 Jun 06 - 10:03 AM
John MacKenzie 20 Jun 06 - 10:11 AM
Peace 20 Jun 06 - 10:12 AM
catspaw49 20 Jun 06 - 10:29 AM
SINSULL 20 Jun 06 - 11:40 AM
Bill D 20 Jun 06 - 11:58 AM
bobad 20 Jun 06 - 12:09 PM
Peace 20 Jun 06 - 12:34 PM
Peace 20 Jun 06 - 12:35 PM
clueless don 20 Jun 06 - 01:21 PM
Peace 20 Jun 06 - 01:25 PM
Cool Beans 20 Jun 06 - 02:07 PM
John MacKenzie 20 Jun 06 - 02:27 PM
Bill D 20 Jun 06 - 04:26 PM
Azizi 20 Jun 06 - 04:58 PM
Azizi 20 Jun 06 - 05:19 PM
John MacKenzie 20 Jun 06 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 06 - 05:33 PM
Micca 20 Jun 06 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 06 - 08:00 PM
NH Dave 20 Jun 06 - 10:49 PM
Cool Beans 21 Jun 06 - 09:27 AM
Peace 21 Jun 06 - 09:32 AM
Rapparee 21 Jun 06 - 09:36 AM
Peace 21 Jun 06 - 09:56 AM
clueless don 21 Jun 06 - 11:34 AM
Rapparee 21 Jun 06 - 11:38 AM
John MacKenzie 21 Jun 06 - 12:50 PM
Peace 21 Jun 06 - 01:21 PM
BuckMulligan 21 Jun 06 - 02:08 PM
Peace 21 Jun 06 - 07:38 PM
Liz the Squeak 22 Jun 06 - 03:51 AM
Rapparee 22 Jun 06 - 08:47 AM
John MacKenzie 22 Jun 06 - 09:07 AM
Peace 22 Jun 06 - 09:48 AM
Peace 22 Jun 06 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 22 Jun 06 - 03:58 PM
frogprince 22 Jun 06 - 04:12 PM
Peace 22 Jun 06 - 04:13 PM
Bill D 22 Jun 06 - 04:58 PM
Peace 22 Jun 06 - 05:00 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 06 - 05:25 PM
Paco Rabanne 23 Jun 06 - 05:57 AM
John MacKenzie 23 Jun 06 - 06:02 AM
Peace 23 Jun 06 - 09:35 AM
Splott Man 23 Jun 06 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 06 - 11:12 AM
Peace 23 Jun 06 - 11:29 AM
GUEST 23 Jun 06 - 12:23 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 06 - 04:56 PM
Bill D 23 Jun 06 - 06:45 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 06 - 11:33 AM
John MacKenzie 24 Jun 06 - 12:37 PM
Cool Beans 24 Jun 06 - 01:08 PM
John MacKenzie 24 Jun 06 - 01:30 PM
Bill Hahn//\\ 24 Jun 06 - 06:38 PM
Bill Hahn//\\ 24 Jun 06 - 06:40 PM
John MacKenzie 24 Jun 06 - 06:46 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 06 - 08:41 PM
Alice 24 Jun 06 - 09:04 PM
Bill D 24 Jun 06 - 10:24 PM
JennyO 25 Jun 06 - 11:10 AM
Ebbie 25 Jun 06 - 02:13 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 06 - 02:13 PM
John MacKenzie 25 Jun 06 - 03:08 PM
frogprince 25 Jun 06 - 05:03 PM
Liz the Squeak 25 Jun 06 - 06:06 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 06 - 06:11 PM
GUEST,Art Thieme 25 Jun 06 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 06 - 11:04 PM
SharonA 26 Jun 06 - 03:33 AM
Liz the Squeak 26 Jun 06 - 05:18 AM
Rapparee 26 Jun 06 - 08:51 AM
clueless don 26 Jun 06 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 26 Jun 06 - 11:45 AM
Splott Man 07 Jul 06 - 10:28 AM
Splott Man 07 Jul 06 - 10:30 AM
Peace 08 Jul 06 - 12:13 AM
freightdawg 08 Jul 06 - 12:18 AM
freightdawg 08 Jul 06 - 12:32 AM
JohnInKansas 08 Jul 06 - 05:57 AM
John MacKenzie 08 Jul 06 - 06:06 AM
Cool Beans 08 Jul 06 - 10:19 AM
Tannywheeler 08 Jul 06 - 01:58 PM
Bill D 08 Jul 06 - 02:49 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Jul 06 - 03:32 PM
Peace 08 Jul 06 - 04:03 PM
Splott Man 10 Jul 06 - 08:34 AM
John MacKenzie 10 Jul 06 - 09:02 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 06 - 09:09 AM
JohnInKansas 10 Jul 06 - 10:35 AM
John MacKenzie 10 Jul 06 - 11:35 AM
Bill D 10 Jul 06 - 12:12 PM

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Subject: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 08:19 PM

is this the cat who chewed your new shoes?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: bobad
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 08:24 PM

When I saw the title of your post that line was the first thing that popped into my head....scary.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 08:25 PM

I'm startin' to worry about you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: bobad
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 08:26 PM

Yeah, me too.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: frogprince
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 08:28 PM

'n our Sunny School teacher taught us a new song, "Gladly the Cross-eyed Bear"....


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 10:04 PM

Oh! Oh! I know that one! It's Hawaiian! "Lard on my poi...."


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 10:41 PM

Rudolf, the Red, loves rain, Dear.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: frogprince
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 10:59 PM

All non-Christians got a place in the fire;
Some burn low and some burn higher...


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: number 6
Date: 18 Jun 06 - 10:59 PM

No ... it was Bella the dog.

sIx


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 01:15 AM

And nobody respects "Olive, the other reindeer." ('cept Shel?)

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 01:29 AM

Uh, folks, that pun is on my recent CD called CHICAGO TOWN AND POINTS WEST. It was a story I told to link two cowboy songs. The concert tape we used was from a show I did just about twenty years ago. It was about Roy Rogers... But I was using that line as far back as 30 years.

Day job vu all over again!! ;-)

Love,

Art Thieme
(it's available from www.folklegacy.com!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: open mike
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 02:04 AM

I, also, finished the line before scrolling down!

but i think Rudolph knows rain (as well as loving it)

Abie See De goldfish? 'ell 'em 'en no goldfish. 'Es 'em are.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Jeanie
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 02:30 AM

OS, OAR !
- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Folkiedave
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 02:34 AM

I met a woman in a disco in California. She stole my heart.

I left my heart in Sam Planks Disco.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: GUEST,Elfcall
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 03:27 AM

or the final line to a very old Joke

Rude Olf the Ted loathes train beer!

Elfcall


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Declan
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 03:59 AM

Then there's the one about the man who finds out that his dog has died. Don't look so sad, I know its Rover


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 05:21 AM

We're Rolling a Gong on the Chest of a Slave was my favourite for years but then I transferred my affections to Nellie the Debutante tacked her Punt and said Goodbye to the Sir Gus.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 05:33 AM

Mudcatter khandu is Mississippi born and bred and he comes from the same county where the infamous Tallahatchie Bridge is located. He provided me with some details when WYSIWYG(Susan) was researching the song which was originally done many years ago by the famous Fisk University Jubilee Singers. We've had a number of threads discussing them around here. Quite a history! You may not be familiar with this part of their story, but the infamous '60's song by Bobbi Gentry, "Ode to Billie Joe," is directly linked to the Jubilee Singers.

The story of Billie Joe is based in truth but of course "stylized" to some degree. It is an old story, dating back to the the late '40's when the only daughter of John Hatch, a Mississippi Klansman of some note, was in love with the first black attorney in the state of Mississippi. Jubilee Simmons was the grandson of slaves and his parents had named him Jubilee because they had both been members of the famous Fisk Jubilee Singers, where they had actually first met and fallen in love. He had gone to law school at the University of Chicago and returned to his family's home state of Mississippi, taking up residence in Carroll county in 1948.

Klansman John Hatch's daughter was known to be a bit wild and young Kelli had already incurred her father's wrath on numerous occasions. Kelli was living with two other 22 year old women in the small town of Campton, Mississippi when she met and began dating Simmons. Her father learned of it a few weeks later and came into town drunk with some Klan buddies to hunt down and kill Simmons. Simmons law offices were across from the county courthouse and through an open window he could hear the drunken invectives hurled his way from across the square. He slipped out a back door and went to Kelli's house to take her away and save them both from the murderous rancor of her father and his equally violent "brethren."

Not finding Jubilee in his office the Klansmen split up to search for him and John Hatch went to his daughter's, presumably to beat her or possibly (and probably) worse. He arrived before the pair had left and headed in the back porch door adjoining the kitchen. Seeing him coming, Simmons grabbed a kitchen knife and jumped atop the counter and then onto the top of the refrigerator that stood by the door. As John Hatch passed, he didn't notice Simmons who then jumped him safely from behind and in the ensuing struggle, Hatch was stabbed with the knife. The lovers bagged his body and threw it off the bridge on their way out of town. They were on their way to Chicago when they were arrested in Clarksville, Tennessee and returned for trial in Mississippi. Jubilee represented both and thanks to the testimony of one of the roommates and Mrs. Hatch, the wife of the deceased and Kelli's mother, who had suffered abuse for years at the hands of her husband, both were acquitted and moved to Chicago where he established a moderately successful practice on the south side.

The original song told the story as it was, but owing to legal considerations, the Gentry version was done instead. The original was titled, "The Day that Jubilee the Barrister Jumped Off of Kelli Hatch's Fridge."






















Sorry...........


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 06:11 AM

Spaw - you owe me new curtains..... fried egg sandwiches and that sort of story just do not go together!!!

I must confess to thinking of the cat that chewed as well......

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 06:19 AM

:~)

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 07:42 AM

During World War II, the prisoners of Stalag 15, many of them Allied spies, were attempting yet another daring prison break. On this particular night, Major O'Roarke and Lieutenant Flanagan were chosen to try to cut their way through the bars of the East gate.

They were hard at work when the siren sounded, and the floodlights caught them in the act. As the German officer led them away, O'Roarke said, "We were so careful. How did you ever catch us?"

The German replied,"It's very simple. Somehow, I can always tell when Irish spies are filing."


Spaw -- I love Feghoots.......


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Azizi
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 07:54 AM

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's a cultural thing...

I "got" 'Rudolf, the Red, loves rain, Dear'; 'Gladly the Cross-eyed Bear' and 'I left my heart in Sam Planks Disco'.

However, I'm not familiar with 'Pardon me Roy is this the cat who chewed your new shoes?'.

I'd appreciate it if someone would explain that play on words.

Thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 08:00 AM

Pardon me boss, is this the Chattanooga Choo-choo


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: BuckMulligan
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 08:15 AM

In a less politically-correct era, I believe the line was "Pardon me boy," - which rhymes better with the punch line.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Splott Man
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 08:32 AM

The squaw on the hippopotamus....


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 08:53 AM

As I parked down on the streets of Laredo
As I parked down in Laredo one day
I met a fair maiden who was handing out tickets
She gave me a ticket and then drove away.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Azizi
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 10:12 AM

"Pardon me boy, is this the Chattanooga Choo-choo"

Okey dokey. I get it now.

Thanks. I appreciate your responses.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Den
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 10:58 AM

Leprosy, there are pieces falling off of me
I'm not half the man I used to be
Since I've come down with leprosy.

Done to the tune of Yesterday.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 11:06 AM

Check the balls on that big collie,
Tra la la la la la la la la.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John Hardly
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 11:14 AM

Hold me closer Tony Danza
Count the headlice on the highway.


I am so glad that Jubille and his bride were set free. That story had everything -- intrigue, passion, a nail-biting chase scene, and bullshit.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Becca72
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 11:15 AM

Elton John has great songs for this...

"Someone shaved my wife tonight"
"Don't let your son go down on me"
"Hold me closer, Tony Danza"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 11:38 AM

I think this is the favorite one on Mudcat, told by at least 5 or 6 'Catters multiple times each. One of them even claimed ownership which he didn't have! The guy swore it was an original....it wasn't. But it is the Mudcat Feghoot Favorite:

Another thing you might consider is ordering this tonic or tea or whatever you call it from Mercy General Hospital in Melbourne, Australia. Does a great job of helping the heart to heal if you can stand the stuff. Not to gross you out too much, but this tea/tonic stuff is made from Koala Bears and some other herbs. It's completely disgusting but it works. And when I say disgusting......well, to be frank, there are some chunky little bits and hair and stuff in it. I wrote and asked them if they could at least get the hair and the chunkier bits out and they wrote back saying, "The Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained."

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 11:41 AM

Someone shafted Evelyn from South Pacific.
I must go now as Desmond Dekker tells me Me ears are alight. It's true what the eskimo said, you can't have your kayak and heat it.

There were twin brothers who when their father the chief died were at loggerheads over who should succeed him and become chief.
One brother decided that if he stole and hid the throne he would prevent his brother becoming chief.
However that night there was a terrible tropical storm, and his grass hut was demolished by the wind. The throne which he had hidden in the attic of this hut, fell on top of him and killed him outright.
Which just goes to prove that....................................
People who live in grass houses, shouldn't stow thrones!

Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Ernest
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 11:58 AM

Follow-up to the "leprosy"-variation of Yesterday:

Syphilis, why does it hurt when I take a piss
all I wanted was a simple kiss
oh god, now I got syphilis

as sung by John Morell...


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 02:09 PM

Oh, I've got a brand new pair of underwear, you wanna have a look and see?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: fat B****rd
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 02:58 PM

"Soupacanofrigidlipsticksrambledeggsatrocious"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 05:55 PM

Once there was a marine biologist who loved dolphins. He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day, in a fit of inventive genius, he came up with a serum that would make dolphins live forever!
Of course he was ecstatic. But he soon realized that in order to mass produce this serum he would need large amounts of a certain compound that was only found in nature in the metabolism of a rare South American bird. Carried away by his love for dolphins, he resolved that he would go to the zoo and steal one of these birds.

Unbeknownst to him, as he was arriving at the zoo an elderly lion was escaping from its cage. The zoo keepers were alarmed and immediately began combing the zoo for the escaped animal, unaware that it had simply lain down on the sidewalk and had gone to sleep.

Meanwhile, the marine biologist arrived at the zoo and procured his bird. He was so excited by the prospect of helping his dolphins that he stepped absentmindedly over the sleeping lion on his way back to his car.










Immediately, 15 policemen converged on him and arrested him for.... transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 06:02 PM

Ooh Bill !!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 06:17 PM

Yes, at the same zoo, the zookeepers were excited at the news that they were finally getting a gnu. They had hurriedly prepared a new cage for the gnu. All that remained in completing the cage was a few boxes of tiles that were to be laid. In fact, the boxes of tiles had been placed in a corner of the cage awaiting the tileman. Unfortunately, the tileman had been delayed and the tiles remained in their boxes in the cage when the new gnu arrived.

The zookeepers decided to put the gnu into the new cage despite the unlaid tiles.

Amazingly, the next morning, the tiles were all laid, and it was apparent the gnu had laid the tiles himself.
The evening headlines read:

"Typical gnu and tiler, too"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 07:16 PM

I had a gnu once, got him from an exotic animal farm that was going out of business...he was pretty smart, but he was getting on in years. I had thought he & I could share our time together better if I could get him to learn little tasks like bringing in the newspaper, chasing away intruders and maybe even some stunts like rolling over, playing dead and walking on his hind legs......but it wasn't to be. He was either too stubborn or he knew it was beyond his abilities since he was not young enough....I guess you can't teach an old Gnu dog tricks.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 07:58 PM

>:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 08:07 PM

We have friends who frequently burst out with:

"She thinks I steal cars."

It's apparently an insider reference to her misunderstanding, during courtship, of his rendition of:

She thinks I still care."

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 08:11 PM

The droppings of the Fu Bird can be deadly if you try to wipe them off your person. So if the Fu shits, wear it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 08:29 PM

no, that's a hickory dacquiri doc


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 08:30 PM

that's the feline
say, can I give you a shine?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 09:14 PM

A rather long tale I've posted elsewhere in this forum ends with the musical pun:

Haifa lootin'
Newton shootin'
Son-of-a-num from Barcelona,
Part time plowboy --- Joe !!!

Art


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 09:49 PM

Oh why not??? This should be a 20 minute monologue but I'll make it short and sweet.
The city of Rome was in chaos. An old woman came into the market from the countryside carrying a huge berry in a cart. People marvelled at its size and color. Its fragrance drove them mad. Soon a cult developed around this berry. People came from far and near to worship.
Well, the Emperor was not happy. And he stuck the local magistratee with the job of ending the heresy. By now, loyal Romans are in arms, visiting peasants are ready to revolt and it is a no win situation.
The magistrate picks his way to the front of the crowd. Romans hiss and boo. He holds his hand up and quietly says "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.
I come to seize her berry, not to praise it!"

Flip Wilson circa 1968


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: jeffp
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 10:03 PM

This has been a wonderful trip down memory lane. So many great punch lines to so many horrible jokes! Each of which I've told during my well-misspent life.

To which I can only add:

"He should have quit while he was still a head."


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 10:23 PM

On a very distant planet xenobiologists have found a human-like creature made of solid stone. More than gigantic, it was over 300 meters high and was, according to the instruments, very much alive. However, it only sat in a chair, its chin in its right hand, like Rodin's "The Thinker."

The scientists tried everything they could think of to get some reaction from it, but to no avail. After months of trying, one of them burst out in frustation, "WHY would nature create such a marvelous, living, and obviously intelligent creature which only sits silently??"

It was the first time a question had been asked in the creature's presence. Suddenly, it stood up, arising to it's full height and after a moment's pause replied in a deep, thunderous voice, "It wouldn't!"

The scientist slapped himself on the forehead and exclaimed, "Of COURSE! It only stands to reason!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Cool Beans
Date: 19 Jun 06 - 10:40 PM

All I said was, "How far is the Old Log Inn?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 03:31 AM

Ah... the old favourites...

Now Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervase, for the mild, green, hairy lipped squid.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 05:17 AM

So this rare animal was donated to the local zoo, and they couldn't find out what it was, so it was referred to as the rare animal which in time transmogrified into Rarie.
The beast grew at a tremendous rate and soon was too big to fit in any of the zoo enclosures, and was costing too much to feed.
In desperation they decided that it had to go, so they loaded it on a huge transport plane, which flew out over the Pacific.
Once they were up there a crewman opened the cargo doors intending to push the poor beast out, it demurred, looked out of the door, and sang.




It's a long way to tip a rarie!


Ithangyew.

G.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 07:59 AM

There was this guy who favoured himself as the next 'Le Petomaine'.. his stage act consisted of him passing wind through his lower sphincter in a tuneful manner. He could toot 'La Bamba', the Indian Love Call, 'Stars and Stripes', 'Col Bogey' and many other favourites. As a filler, he would impersonate various items, such as a dog barking, rifle fire, a kitten mewling, a pneumatic drill and, his piece de resistance, a Harley Davidson motorbike.

He took this act all over the world, and they loved him. Many many times he was called upon to do his act in many many countries. He became very rich, women flocked to his side and no request was too much or too bizarre.

Tragically though, in Tokyo, at the climax of his act, something went wrong... Instead of the rich resonant tones of a Harley Davidson, all he produced was a pathetic, whining splutter. He tried again. There was a cough, a squeal and eventually, nothing. In desperation he sought medical advice. He visited all the doctors and clinics he could find in the area, tried all manner of creams, lotions, treatments and medicines, but to no avail, the beautiful sound of a Harley Davidson was beyond him. All he could produce was a clunking, whining sound and then nothing.

At his wits end, he tried alternative therapies. Finally, he appealed to an elderly accupuncturist. The accupuncturist asked him to run through the act, looking thoughtfully at the man when he reached the finale and the pathetic, honking, phut phut sounds that should have been a Harley Davidson. He bade the man lie down over the table and carefully and dilligently inspected his performing sphincter. The accupuncturist selected a long needle from his kit, swabbed the site and inserted the needle. There was a moment of stinging pain and then a feeling of blessed relief. He gave a gentle toot... with confidence he performed 'Old Smokey' and finally, a triumphant, rich, resounding Harley Davidson roar!

"How can I ever thank you?" he exclaimed to the accupuncturist, "That was incredible!! Whatever was the matter? Why couldn't I make the Harley Davidson sound?"

The accupuncturist sucked on his moustache thoughtfully.

"Abcess" he declared.

"Abcess makes the fart go Honda."













I'll get me coat.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 09:06 AM

Oh Danny Boy
The pints, the pints are calling
From pub to pub, and in the mountain glen....


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 09:19 AM

Two scientists were working on the Manhattan Project back during WW2. Now, everyone knows that many different approaches were tried because no one was certain what would eventually work. These two were working on a circular radio wave.

After toiling for months in a tiny, hot, shack in New Mexico one finally jumped up and yelled "Eureka!" He ran to his partner and showed him -- the diagram of a circular radio wave!

"You fool!" said the scientist. "This is not a circular radio wave! This is a naught, a nothing, a zero!" And with that he took the drawing of the circular radio wave, rolled it into a tube and ran it through the pencil sharpener, letting the shards fall to the floor.

They were immediately surrounded by a crowd of carping janitors complaining about the litter. And then, suddenly, there was a blinding flash and the whole area vanished in white heat and a mushroom-shaped cloud!

That's what you get when you have a critical mass at ground zero.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 09:54 AM

My aunt died 1&ahaff wks ago. We had a memorial service, then, several days later, we had the graveside service at the family plot:
my grandfather&grandmother, his father and youngest sister, his brother, and all 5 of his children(incl. my dad) are there together. I've been "down" for almost 2 weeks. Thank you all for this thread. One of the marks of kinship in this family is the love of laughter. I guess you're all cousins...

I admit that my first response to seeing the thread title was to sing the line "Is THAT the Chattanooga choo-choo?" Azizi, it's a song(not as far back as WWI--since the depression, probably. Someone here probably can direct you to writer/date/history, etc.) about a guy happy to be going home after being gone a while. Because (beginning of another verse)"There's gonna be a certain party at the station--Ribbons & lace--I used to call funny-face..." to whom he will get married and NEVER leave home again, if he can help it.

Gotta go catch my breath. Thanks again...Tw


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 10:03 AM

I am sorry to hear about your Aunt, Tw.








Speaking odf old jokes:

. . . and he said, "Forty-seven." The room went completely quiet.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 10:11 AM

It's the way you tell them Bruce!
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 10:12 AM

LOL


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 10:29 AM

Sorry about your Aunt Tanny. Good idea about the lyrics though.....

This song was done in several versions but the most famous two would be Glenn Miller's and Red Foley's with Miller winning that race going away! Miller had a million seller with this song, sung by his singing group, The Modernaires. There are several sites where you can here it. We have had a several threads on it as well.

CHATTANOOGA CHOO-CHOO
(Harry Warren & Mack Gordon), 1941

Pardon me boy
Is that the Chattanooga Choo-Choo
Track twenty-nine
Boy, you can give me a shine
I can afford
To board the Chattanooga Choo-Choo
I've got my fare
And just a trifle to spare

You leave the Pennsylvania station
'Bout a quarter to four
Read a magazine
And then you're in Baltimore
Dinner in the diner
Nothing could be finer
Than to have your ham and eggs in Carolina

When you hear the whistle blowin'
Eight-to-the-bar
Then you know that Tennessee
Is not very far
Shovel all the coal in
Gotta keep it rollin'
Woo, woo, Chattanooga
There you are

There's gonna be
A certain party at the station
Satin and lace
I used to call funny face
She's gonna cry
Until I tell her that I'll never roam
So Chattanooga Choo-Choo
Won't you choo-choo me home?
So Chattanooga Choo-Choo
Won't you choo-choo me home
Won't you choo-choo me home



Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 11:40 AM

Someone better explain the Roy Rogers reference for Azizi. (this should be good - 15 versions of the same bad joke).


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 11:58 AM

Now, I REALLY appreciate the "fart go Honda" story LtS provided us with! That was elegant, well set up, and perfectly phrased. It even had that 'it might almost be real' air to it.

Some of the others require awkward, contrived twists of the language to get to a weak punch line.

I know, I know....we use what we find..*grin*...one of the problems of the internet/WWW is that it is WAY too easy to propagate medicore jokes. Sometimes a search will reveal 23 exact replicas of one story...and maybe a couple that have been polished and tweaked to perfection. (my own up there, about the "immortal porpoises", was only 75% of what I remember years ago...I cheated and found one that came close. It is sometimes told using "young gulls" instead of "mynah", which I don't think is nearly as elegant and I have heard it set in a jungle, and stretched and massaged until the audience is hanging on every word...)

anyway, Liz...thanks for a lovely one!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: bobad
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 12:09 PM

For Azizi:

Roy Rogers had just purchased a new set of boots. Going out one day to check on Trigger, Roy stepped in a pile of ... well suffice it to say that Dale told him to leave his boots outside on the porch until he could clean them up. Roy did so and went inside for dinner. In the meantime a cougar wandering around on the property spied the boots, grabbed them up in his mouth and headed for the wilderness. Roy, seeing his new boots heading for the hills, pulled on a pair of old boots, ran out and saddled up Trigger and headed for the hills to cut off the escape path of the cougar. Several hours later Roy returned, new boots in hand and the cougar stretched over the back of Trigger. Dale looking at the scene in front of her said "Pardon me Roy is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

BTW peace, that comes from a page appropriately titled "Older Jokes For Older Folks"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 12:34 PM

"What paté? That was my stool sample."


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 12:35 PM

Do you think I should have said di Maggio?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: clueless don
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 01:21 PM

I first heard the joke with "Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?" back in the early 1970's, and I've been telling it ever since.

Perhaps this would be the time to dredge some punchlines from the "My Word" back catalogue:

Our roses arose. Is a row Cicero's?

I think they're for 1 AM.

Wait 'til the nun signs, Shelly.

Never undress to meet the Pa of a woman.


Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 01:25 PM

Five dollars, just like downtown.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Cool Beans
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 02:07 PM

I saw that the panties would never fit me, so I took the sports car.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 02:27 PM

Nut screws washers and bolts.
G..


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 04:26 PM

Thursday's your day in the barrel.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Azizi
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 04:58 PM

For bobad:

...Several hours later Roy returned, new boots in hand and the cougar stretched over the back of Trigger. Dale looking at the scene in front of her said..

"That's cat's real cool".


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Azizi
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 05:19 PM

Preview is your friend...

Actually what Dale said is "Roy, that cat's real cool".


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 05:20 PM

That's it lads, tea break's over back on your heads!
G


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 05:33 PM

"Haha! Gotcha again!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Micca
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 05:57 PM

There is a very funny book called " The shy Photographer" by Jock Carroll in which the running theme is they only tell the punchlines of jokes, he often uses them or short oneliners as chapter headings also. One of my faves of the latter type was, bearing in mind the "hero" is a photographer " What did you you give the starving old woman on the park bench?"


"1/100th of a second at f11"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 08:00 PM

That was no lady, that was my wife!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: NH Dave
Date: 20 Jun 06 - 10:49 PM

During the early days of the Viet Nam War, aircraaft control, and threat warnigs were broadcast from highly tarted out EC-121's, Lockheed Super Constellations. Filled with millions and millions of dollars of radar and electronic gear allowing them to see most of the North Vietnamese fighter aircraft flying down in the dirt, to escape detection, and then zooming up to the altitude of the inbound fighter bombers from bases in South Viet Nam, Thailand, and carriers out in the South China Sea. These piston engined and propeller driven relics of WWII and Korea flew in great circles out over the South China Sea, day in and day out, managing fighter forces and warning them of threats from SAMs and Migs attacking them from behind and below. Needless to say, this duty never endeared itself to the men actually doing these body numbing flights, day in and day out, which may have been one reason they sang this song to a familiar tune.

Expicalifragilistic Super Constellation,
If you fly it long enough it'll give you constipation.
McNamara thought it up in a fit of inspiration.
Expicalifragilistic Super Constellation.

Dave


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Cool Beans
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 09:27 AM

So I bit him!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 09:32 AM

Good trade.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 09:36 AM

I can see your house from up here!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 09:56 AM

I was talking to the dog.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: clueless don
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 11:34 AM

I didn't say she was crazy ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 11:38 AM

No, but her aim is improving.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 12:50 PM

Because one of it's legs is both the same!
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 01:21 PM

. . . because he was stapled to the chicken.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: BuckMulligan
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 02:08 PM

and the butler stuck his dick in the mashed potatoes.


If anyone knows the joke that goes with that punchline, I'd be grateful to learn it. I read it, punchline only, in a humor collection by H. Allen Smith, over 40 years ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jun 06 - 07:38 PM

It's a good thing no one stepped in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 03:51 AM

Ah no... but I could have done!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 08:47 AM

I like neither the gleam in your eye nor the tilt of your kilt.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 09:07 AM

Put your hand up again, it's grew some more!
G


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 09:48 AM

"and the butler stuck his dick in the mashed potatoes.


If anyone knows the joke that goes with that punchline, I'd be grateful to learn it. I read it, punchline only, in a humor collection by H. Allen Smith, over 40 years ago."

Buck, I'm stuck on this one.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 09:52 AM

2. mashed potatoes

Mashed potatoes at a party. Part of a larger expression of derision.

"Shit... if I knew it was going to be THAT kind of party, I would have stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 03:58 PM

Well, doc, if you think it'll help I'll dye it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 04:12 PM

Why, what color is it now?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 04:13 PM

Don't have to worry. Fall off in two week.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 04:58 PM

"Nothing queer about Carruthers!"

"But, sir...the men use her to ride to town!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 05:00 PM

Does that calf have a mother?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 06 - 05:25 PM

No, I mean just now.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 05:57 AM

99.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 06:02 AM

Well well


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 09:35 AM

There. there, there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Splott Man
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 11:08 AM

It's all right, I've got my bike outside.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 11:12 AM

Turn her over! Turn her over!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 11:29 AM

Shoot the dog!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 12:23 PM

The hole was smaller and it smelled better.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 04:56 PM

No, no! I swear it's just ice cream!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jun 06 - 06:45 PM

The whole SHOVELFULL?,Miss Kitty?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 11:33 AM

"Well, I might be stupid but I ain't lost."


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 12:37 PM

Standing up in a hammock!
G


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Cool Beans
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 01:08 PM

Well, YOU try wiping your behind with three quarters, two dimes and a nickel.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 01:30 PM

They all gave me a penny.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill Hahn//\\
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 06:38 PM

One more---a little fellow asks his (Jewish mother--tht is important here)---"what is fornication"? Go see your dad--she says.
Same question to dad---see your grandma
Same question---Grandma takes the little fellow into a closet and shows him a beatitful gown---and she says to him, "...boychik---dis is fornaoccasion".

   Baboom---and get the dialect right.


Bill Hahn


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill Hahn//\\
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 06:40 PM

I still loved that cat who ate my shoes----totally forgot that gem.
Along with Ben they cremated him and placed him in an urn the crowd all said a Benny burned is a Benny urned.


Bill Hahn---ba boom once again


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 06:46 PM

I suppose I ashed for that!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 08:41 PM

"Now WORK, you bastard!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Alice
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 09:04 PM

Hey, FOLKS, go back and read Art Thieme's message in this thread. It seems like most of you missed it!

Good one, Art.
I bet you it gave you a jolt to see your line come up on a thread title!

Kudos to you.

Alice


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jun 06 - 10:24 PM

"well, it worked out fine for awhile.. then huntin' season started, and I ain't seen her since."


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: JennyO
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 11:10 AM

"Did you see the size of the dick on that moth?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 02:13 PM

Re the dick and mashed potato one, might that derive from 'spotted dick'?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 02:13 PM

Oh! I just remembered where I left my umbrella!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 03:08 PM

Some arsehole's got my pen!
G


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 05:03 PM

Oh, gawd, they stole my girlfriend, too...


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 06:06 PM

What, you don't have a vase?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 06:11 PM

Many times, but never with a daisy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 10:03 PM

Alice,

Thanks for noticing my post above. Very nice of you. It does seem everyone here skipped over it. I do believe that was one o' my old puns.

Art Thieme


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 06 - 11:04 PM

I caught it, Art. I groaned.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: SharonA
Date: 26 Jun 06 - 03:33 AM

I would have, but they were all at the funeral.

I don't know who he is, but his face rings a bell.
Sequel: I don't know who he is, but he's a dead ringer for his brother.

Now? You want Moo Shu Pork now???


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Jun 06 - 05:18 AM

Rap - good one, but it was a daffodil when I saw it!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 06 - 08:51 AM

Of course I will, but you won't mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: clueless don
Date: 26 Jun 06 - 11:18 AM

Electric Bass solo!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 06 - 11:45 AM

When you get the banjo in the dumpster on the first try.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Splott Man
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 10:28 AM

Green side up!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Splott Man
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 10:30 AM

Bugger it - 1/8, 1/8, 1/8! *








* (That's 1 and 8 as in old UK shillings and pence)


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 12:13 AM

. . . would you please take the dog for a walk?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: freightdawg
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 12:18 AM

An elderly oriental lumber salesman was having some difficulty maintaining his stock of expensive hardwood. No matter how much he ordered it seemed to vanish into thin air. The finest detectives in the country were called in to help solve the crime. After weeks of disappearing lumber and intense sleuthing about the only clues they could find were some small footprints, apparently made by a very young boy. This confused the detectives tremendously as the wood was very heavy and could not have been purloined by such a small criminal. Finally, in desperation the owner vowed to stay up one night in hopes that he could catch the thief red handed. All was quiet until about 3:30 in the morning when the old owner heard the rustle of wood planks being carried off into the countryside. He shined the brightest spotlight he could find onto the culprit, exposing a huge grizzly standing upright and wearing the tiniest little sandles he had ever seen, each bearing the imprint of a small foot. The proprietor surveyed the situation for a moment and then confronted the thief:






"Greetings to thee, little man, boyfoot bear with teak of Chan."


Freightdawg


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: freightdawg
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 12:32 AM

Well, its funnier if you get the punchline right - sigh.

"Blessings on thee little man, boyfoot bear with teak of Chan."

(going back to gradeschool)

Freightdawg.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 05:57 AM

Re: Noticing Art Thieme

We noticed, but we thought if we kept quiet, maybe he'd come back with some more.

(Art's always got a 'nother one, don't he?)


(bait) = "lock moss nesters."


Now SHHHHHHHHH - real quiet.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 06:06 AM

I will now put the bed, back in the cupboard!
G


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Cool Beans
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 10:19 AM

Now, where's that lady with the bad tooth?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 01:58 PM

...Eats shoots and leaves. (Eats, shoots, and leaves.) Pandas--look it up.

Was it Letterman who coined the phrase: "More fun than Human Beings should be allowed to have"? I think of that line many times in this establishment.

Got stuff to do. Gonna try to leav.       Tw


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 02:49 PM

"go ahead, it's your cow"

-----------------------------------------

"you don't think I wanted a twelve-inch pianist, do you?"


-----------------------------------------

and the farmer says..."Well, damn... If that ain't the third gay rooster I've bought this month!"


--------------------------------------------------

"...whadda you mean, kinky? You wanta open the beer, don't you?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 03:32 PM

I'll keep my eye open for you!
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Peace
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 04:03 PM

Sssssssshhh, they're gettin' closer.


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Splott Man
Date: 10 Jul 06 - 08:34 AM

wooden eye?


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Jul 06 - 09:02 AM

When he stood up, his arse fell off.
G


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 06 - 09:09 AM

Okay, where' that Eskimo gal I've gotta wrassle?

Right nut go KAPOW!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 10 Jul 06 - 10:35 AM

...

Wait till he tly leploduce!


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Jul 06 - 11:35 AM

Always make sure to keep your thumbs out of the way!
G


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Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy,
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jul 06 - 12:12 PM

"Ok, thanks, Yank...*snnnniiiiffffff*"

(very old and TOTALLY unPC)


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Mudcat time: 29 September 4:57 AM EDT

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