BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 12:33 PM

Yeah, well, now the training starts. Are you sure you can drink that much beer?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 09:29 AM

Please do take the test, it's fun! Having been recently accepted for membership myself, I can tell you it is a life-changing event.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 09:19 AM

Take the test, and if you pass you could start the South African branch of the Idaho Legion.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 09:15 AM

Welcome GUEST,Natalie from South Africa. Don't be a stranger (it would be hard to be any stranger than Shane anyway), we always welcome a new face.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Natalie
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 05:42 AM

Hey from South Africa :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Colonel-General Smyte-Withers, Helena B.
Date: 08 Mar 07 - 06:06 PM

Awright, Shane. You're a goddamn little punk, not worth the dirt under the fingernails of a real man. You can't hold your liquor and I'm told by our Canadian brothers and sisters that women run from you, not because of your looks but because of your breath and body odour. I've seen your kind before, BOY: you're a self-centered drunk punk with no self-discipline, a petty thief, and a general leech on society. Back in the Corps you wouldn't last ten minutes because everybody would shoot you to save themselves.

You're a worm, a maggot feeding on the work of your betters. But because I have been asked to do so by Officer Dana, you may take the test again. I've told her she's wrong, but she something in you that might, might be salvageable.

KB, you're in.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 08 Mar 07 - 03:07 PM

Flip! Now that Shane posted his answers nobody will read mine and I spent almost five minutes on it.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 08 Mar 07 - 02:42 PM

Holy FLip! About flippin time, eh?

Okay...ummm...

NAME:


Shane McBride


REAL NAME:


I told ya, flipface!!! SHANE MCBRIDE

Awright... Shane Alistair McBride

Geez....I hate revealin' my middle name, eh? People might laff.


YOUR NAME IN THE STATES:


Shane McBride! What the flip do you think?!


Not that it matters, but do you live in Idaho?    Yes      No    Maybe


NO I don't flippin' lvie in Idaho. Bite me.


Sex:   Male    Female   Other   None   Unsure    Yes, please   No, not now


Definitely male. Totally. Male.


Circle Last Educational Level Attempted:


I been studyin' Don Cherry's phyllosoffy of life. If you mean school, it was grade 10.


Grade School   High School   College   Grad School   More   Less   None


I told ya, grade 10.


1. You are in charge of a platoon which has been ordered to attack a hill defended by ten thousand people who are armed with everything you can imagine and then some. You have 40 people. What do you do?



A. Carry out the mission no matter the costs!



B. Take a vote on what to do.



C. Flip a coin: heads we go for beer, tails we take a nap.



D. Tell the guy who told you to do this dumb thing to go &%$! him or her
self.


C and D. Specially D!


2. Reference: US Rifle, Caliber .30, M-1: What is the name of that little pin that holds the forked rod that goes into the spring? The pin that you're always dropping and without which your M-1 won't work? Do you know? If you do, will you please tell me?


What???? Flipped if I know.


3. What is the maximum rate of fire for the Musket, caliber .69, "Brown
Bess" Model 2? Why should you care? Nobody uses flintlocks
anymore anyway.


I don't flippin' care.


4. Explain yourself. Try to be coherent.


Okay. I am, like, a majorly cool dude who is single, handsome, and good lookin'. I am hung like a moose. I can drink like a flippin' muskie, and flip like a flippin' mad dog. Most people think I am what they wish they could be. I have one brother. He is a jerk, but he makes some money which is good cos we need money. His name is Don. I live in Blind River. Blind River is the culcheral capital of North Ontario and I am its most coolest dude.


5. How would YOU go about putting the Budweiser back in
Clydesdales?


By makin' the Clydesdales an offer they can't flippin' refuse!


6. Can you sing? Should we let you do so? Why?


Yeah... I will sing if you give me free beers and smokes.



7. You've drunk 3 glasses of Devil's Piss, 6 Pink Panty Droppers, and a Purple Jesus or two or three or more. What will you drink next?


Whatever is flippin' available.


8. Physical Examination: Can you pat your head, rub your tummy, and
play the bagpipes, all at the same time?


What?????????????? I...you must be flippin' jokin', right? No!


9. If a locomotive leaves point A at precisely 1317 hours and travels
towards point B at 124 kph, and a second train leaves point B at 1333
hours and travels towards point A at 89 kph, what shithead should be
blamed for putting them on the same track?


Ummmm....ah....okay, I think it should be...

George Bush, eh? Blame him. Flippin' A.


10. Do you speak a language other than English? If so, what? Now
translate the following:


Yeah, I know some dirty words and stuff in French.


    Mert lofrát tinglû, Mers Fluggan. Dejit nørcamt en enciente y camino
Ưstanŋų ber þyatnö finger locamisso Ægonicus nostros. Amen.


That means...uhh... Okay. It means... It means that the shitrat lofts a tingle at Mrs Fluggan, but...she...ummm...

Wait.

It means...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FLIP IT MEANS! GO FLIP YOURSELF! THIS IS A STUPID FLIPPIN' TEST AND ONLY A FLIPPIN' MORON WOULD EVEN TRY TO FINISH IT. I WASTED 20 FLIPPIN' MINUTES ON THIS DUMB TEST BECOZ OF YOU.


This is the end of the test. Turn in your paper. Do not discuss this test with
your classmates, friends, or enemies, or else.

Yeah? FLIP YOU! I am gonna tell everyone I know about this test. I am gonna call the papers about it. I am gonna get a TV crew down here to film it if I can. Ya hear THAT???

Like I said, flip YOU! Who needs the Idaho Flippin' Legion anyways? Not me. I'm doin' fine on my own.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 08 Mar 07 - 02:08 PM

NAME: Puddin' Tame

REAL NAME: The same

YOUR NAME IN THE STATES: censored

Not that it matters, but do you live in Idaho?    Yes      No    Maybe

Sex:   Male    Female   Other   None   Unsure    Yes, please   No, not now

N/A

Circle Last Educational Level Attempted:

Grade School   High School   College   Grad School   More   Less   None

1. You are in charge of a platoon which has been ordered to attack a hill defended by ten thousand people who are armed with everything you can imagine and then some. You have 40 people. What do you do?

A. Carry out the mission no matter the costs!

B. Take a vote on what to do.

C. Flip a coin: heads we go for beer, tails we take a nap. (as long as I get to use my coin)

D. Tell the guy who told you to do this dumb thing to go &%$! him or herself.

2. Reference: US Rifle, Caliber .30, M-1: What is the name of that little pin that holds the forked rod that goes into the spring? The pin that you're always dropping and without which your M-1 won't work? Do you know? If you do, will you please tell me?

Doohicky

3. What is the maximum rate of fire for the Musket, caliber .69, "Brown Bess" Model 2? Why should you care? Nobody uses flintlocks anymore anyway.

42

4. Explain yourself. Try to be coherent.

Anyone who really allows any personal irritation to alienate them from supporting the right of everyone to be seen to be given a fair crack - does not really understand how hard the struggle to ensure this has always had to be.

And I fear that they will only have themselves to blame when they wake up to find they have not only had this right taken away from them - but will have played an active role in this.

5. How would YOU go about putting the Budweiser back in Clydesdales?

Send him to school.

6. Can you sing? Should we let you do so? Why?

No. Yes. Because.

7. You've drunk 3 glasses of Devil's Piss, 6 Pink Panty Droppers, and a Purple Jesus or two or three or more. What will you drink next?

Molson's

8. Physical Examination: Can you pat your head, rub your tummy, and
play the bagpipes, all at the same time?

My bagpipes were stolen.

9. If a locomotive leaves point A at precisely 1317 hours and travels towards point B at 124 kph, and a second train leaves point B at 1333 hours and travels towards point A at 89 kph, what shithead should be blamed for putting them on the same track?

Train kept a-rollin' all night long
With a "heave!", and a "ho!"
But I just couldn't tell her so

10. Do you speak a language other than English? If so, what? Now translate the following:

No. Akkadian

    Mert lofrát tinglû, Mers Fluggan. Dejit nørcamt en enciente y camino Ưstanŋų ber þyatnö finger locamisso Ægonicus nostros. Amen.

"My hovercraft is full of eels."

______________________________________________________________________

I'd like to thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we passed the audition.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 10:07 PM

Good Lord, she did it!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Colonel-General Smyte-Withers, Helena B.
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 09:39 PM

You buncha clowns thing you can be in MY Legion, huh? Well, maggots, here's the deal, so lissen up! You gotta pass this test. Send your results to your representative in your national assembly; it will be forwarded to me.

So, you wanna join the legion?

The Test

Complete this test completely. Do not lie, fudge, fib, or try to wriggle out of the correct answer. You will be penalized for each incorrect answer and possibly for each correct one as well. Do not use diagrams. Do not complete the test by using crayons, pencil, a brush, or anything besides a ballpoint pen that produces dark blue or dark black ink. Answers which cannot be read because of smeared ink, alcohol stains, or anything else will
be counted as wrong. You have 20 minutes to finish and then The Test will self-destruct, probably taking you with it. Begin whenever you feel like it. Be precise and answer everything fully.

NAME:

REAL NAME:

YOUR NAME IN THE STATES:

Not that it matters, but do you live in Idaho?    Yes      No    Maybe

Sex:   Male    Female   Other   None   Unsure    Yes, please   No, not now

Circle Last Educational Level Attempted:

Grade School   High School   College   Grad School   More   Less   None

1. You are in charge of a platoon which has been ordered to attack a hill defended by ten thousand people who are armed with everything you can imagine and then some. You have 40 people. What do you do?

A. Carry out the mission no matter the costs!

B. Take a vote on what to do.

C. Flip a coin: heads we go for beer, tails we take a nap.

D. Tell the guy who told you to do this dumb thing to go &%$! him or her
self.

2. Reference: US Rifle, Caliber .30, M-1: What is the name of that little pin that holds the forked rod that goes into the spring? The pin that you’re always dropping and without which your M-1 won’t work? Do you know? If you do, will you please tell me?

3. What is the maximum rate of fire for the Musket, caliber .69, “Brown
Bess” Model 2? Why should you care? Nobody uses flintlocks
anymore anyway.

4. Explain yourself. Try to be coherent.

5. How would YOU go about putting the Budweiser back in
Clydesdales?

6. Can you sing? Should we let you do so? Why?

7. You’ve drunk 3 glasses of Devil’s Piss, 6 Pink Panty Droppers, and a Purple Jesus or two or three or more. What will you drink next?

8. Physical Examination: Can you pat your head, rub your tummy, and
play the bagpipes, all at the same time?

9. If a locomotive leaves point A at precisely 1317 hours and travels
towards point B at 124 kph, and a second train leaves point B at 1333
hours and travels towards point A at 89 kph, what shithead should be
blamed for putting them on the same track?

10. Do you speak a language other than English? If so, what? Now
translate the following:

     Mert lofrát tinglû, Mers Fluggan. Dejit nørcamt en enciente y camino
Ưstanŋų ber þyatnö finger locamisso Ægonicus nostros. Amen.

This is the end of the test. Turn in your paper. Do not discuss this test with
your classmates, friends, or enemies, or else.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 04:48 PM

Is the question about sex a yes/no or are details requested?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 04:34 PM

Actually, I just spoke with her on the phone. It's mid-week, so she'll be sober and, ah, "awake" until Friday afternoon. She'll be posting The Test, she said, tonight or tomorrow "whichever comes first."

You'll all be pleased to know that a physical examination is NO LONGER required and the Legion will now take your word about your sex. If it is found later that you lied about this, you will not be punished.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 07 Mar 07 - 03:28 PM

So is the Colonel-General out of bed yet, or is it still too hard?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 12:44 PM

First, she has to sober up.
Second, she has to conquer the hangover.
Third, you gotta get her out off bed...and how hard that it depends upon who she's with.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 05 Mar 07 - 09:29 AM

I'm getting a little nervous about this test. Is it knowledge based or more of a first reaction type, trying to get in our heads? I'm not sure I want anyone else to know too much about what goes on in my head. I don't really like knowing too much about what goes on in my head (not that there is very much going on anyway, but still).

I do hope the Colonel-General feels better soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 06:18 PM

I am informed that Colonel-General Smythe-Withers, Number One Head Honcho of the Idaho Legion is currently recovering from a massive headache and stomach upset brought about by the inordinate consumption of ethanol-based beverages. She regrets her inability to post The Test at this time, but will do so as soon as she can stand the sound of a pin dropping onto the carpet fifty feet away.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 05:30 PM

The film was a bit too sugary, I'll have to take your word about the green fried tomatoes. Hey we now have a new thread within a thread thread.

"Will this thread-within-a-thread reach 1000 posts relating to the film Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe"

I wonder if this is the first thread within a thread Mudcat has had? If so it's another first for the 85 billion thread. (9)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 03:47 PM

Sweet? Fried Green Tomatoes (which I have eaten, as you may recall) are not sweet in the least. (8)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 03:40 PM

That's good - but don't expect too much from it, it was a touch sweet for my taste generally. However you may want to vehemently disagree with me after seeing it? (7)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 03:33 PM

I could a copy on hold. 6

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 03:29 PM

Well this post makes 5 but I won't be happy until we've reached 1000 posts relating to the film.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 03:21 PM

Drat! They have two copies but both are checked out. On a positive note, that makes four so now we are only 996 posts shy of a load.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 03:18 PM

We just got three of them back so guess we are now only down 997. It's a start. I will check if our local library has it, back in a sec.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 03:11 PM

I sort of enjoyed the film, if you know what I mean. I think at the time of the great Green Tomato Controversy I requested everyone to watch the film so that we could have a heated discussion about it after. Unfortunately everyone ignored me, costing us a potential 1000 posts by my estimate.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 02:58 PM

Not really my recommendation though I did mention it during the "great tomato imbroglio." Haven't seen it myself. Did you enjoy the film.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 02:53 PM

Haven't tried green tomatoes yet but did watch the film, on your recommendation I think KB.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 02:20 PM

Getting high and mighty on us now? Don't forget, IWTATBM (recently) FFP, I knew you you when. Next thing you know old IWTATBM is gonna be eatin' green tomatoes, and likin' 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 02:10 PM

Anyone know which one of the first 50 posters has been deleted? What's going on? Something's afoot. BDiBR this is your thread; I demand (as one of the first 50 posters on this thread) that you make it your life's work to flippin well find out. Can you contact Jo Offer, he should know?

Best wishes

IWTATBM FFP

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 10:08 AM

I haven't had Post Toasties in a long time. Now I'm hungry.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 09:01 PM

As I posted before my post was toasted, I've notified the Commandant Colonel-General In Command of the Idaho Legion of the desire of some to take The Test. Since this has never before been given over the World Wide Web, she has to give it some thought. She will be posting here in the very near future with her answer.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 04:05 PM

Hey, what the FLIP is this? You're going to let ahtt flippin' IMPOSTER in this Legion deal? While I'm stuck here in flippin' Amsterdam, bumming smokes from people who don't speak any flippin' language I ever heard of?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 03:24 PM

Check it out. There you are, at the bottom of the first page (ostensibly post #50), bemoaning the fact that you were not in the first 50. But now you are!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 03:01 PM

Am I now one of the first 50 posters? Did I understand this right? This IS news.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 02:28 PM

You would be personally responsible for protecting Canada, or at least Blind River, from attack. Usually the attacks come either from the Martians or the Canadians. You also have to be ready at all time to rescue beautiful women from Fates Worse Than Death and/or ride to the rescue of other Legionaires (there aren't any in Canada at the moment) or Bee-Dubya-Ell, whichever comes first.

Holy Flip! I can do this, eh? Speshally the part about rescuin' the women.

The dues are subsidised, so it wouldn't cost you anything.

Flippin' A!!!

Let me know if you want to apply for membership and take The Membership Test.

I am ready, man! I can do this. Idaho Legion here I come!

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 02:15 PM

I always keep my powder dry.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 01:57 PM

Yeah. Just makes me want to sit right down, put a pistolo to my head, and end it all right now... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 01:17 PM

Whew! That reads just like some of the important things I see at my place of employ. I recently ran across this sentence in a press release (it was on the web so I assume it is not propietary information).

"There is momentum behind our digital revenues driven by a widening range of innovative online information products, increasingly embedded in customer workflows."

Isn't that inspiring?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 12:25 PM

Here's a PDF brochure.

It's not fancy, but then neither is the Legion.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 09:35 AM

Sounds like quite the organization you have there. Since Iowa is often confused with Idaho (Ohio, too) I'm thinking this might be good fit for me as well. Any chance I would be considered? Is there a free brochure?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 07 - 09:00 AM

Shane, even YOU could become a member of the Idaho Legion and share in the free booze and smokes (of all sorts). You'd have to pass The Test, but it's not very hard. Being Canadian and hence not a "true-blue All-American citizen of the United States of America" you wouldn't have voting privileges, but the last vote was taken in 1953 and nobody was sober enough to vote so the issue was tabled and never brought up again (the issue was "Should we forgive the Canadians for Molsons or not?").

You would be personally responsible for protecting Canada, or at least Blind River, from attack. Usually the attacks come either from the Martians or the Canadians. You also have to be ready at all time to rescue beautiful women from Fates Worse Than Death and/or ride to the rescue of other Legionaires (there aren't any in Canada at the moment) or Bee-Dubya-Ell, whichever comes first.

The dues are subsidised, so it wouldn't cost you anything.

Let me know if you want to apply for membership and take The Membership Test.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 11:23 PM

No kiddin' eh, Rapaire? Booze and otehr necisitties. Right flippin' ON! That is exactly what I would flippin' do if someone sent me money, eh? Maybe youse guys arent' as stoopid as I thought you was.

The guy in Dutchland lies like a rug! Don't send money to him. He is not me. Send money to Blind River, care of "Shane McBride". I need booze and smokes bad and Don has been hidin' his wallet from me again.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 09:10 PM

It's all a plot by the AntiIdaho Legion, or AIL, to poison young minds, corrupt young bodies, undermine our principles, overthrow the ruling class, suborn our juries, bribe our witnesses, destroy our military capabilities, rot our charitable enterprises, sing off-key, and play out of tune.

The only thing standing firm against this Chaos is the Idaho Legion. The Legionaires and Legionettes hold fast, but need your help.

Send money. They'll only spend it on booze and other necessities.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 05:11 PM

If the current count holds IWTATBM is now one of the first 50 (or at least seems to be). Can a first 50 be retro-active if it wasn't a first 50 when posted? Our future-selves' lawyers may make the Anna Nicole Smith wrangles look like childs play with this one.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 05:07 PM

It seems one of the first 100 posts has been deleted. All the x00 posts are now (x-1)99. Is there some international intrigue at work here? And I just ran out of tinfoil, blast!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 05:01 PM

Is this 1400 now? What happened?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 04:39 PM

Threeche?? Or do I mean 14oo ???

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 04:21 PM

touché

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Canadienne
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 04:01 PM

Couldn't we just "go Dutch"?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 28 Feb 07 - 02:44 PM

The Two Shanes issue rears its head again i see.