BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 07 - 05:01 PM

New Gate.

It was a stage robbery in the Portneuf Gap in 1865 that started vigilanteism in Idaho.

Yee-HA! Them was the days!!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 04 May 07 - 05:09 PM

It's not that the two Shanes look alike. The other Shane has three peacocks tattooed on his left buddock, a noticible knife scar above his right eye, two missing half fingers on either hand, and a missing front tooth among his distinguishing features.

The other Shane says he has sympathy for his namesake, but says it's not his fault that the cops are not "onto it". He says he has been locked up for a few of the things he has done, and that is clear proof that he is taking responsibility for his actions.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 04 May 07 - 05:11 PM

How is Portneuf pronounced in Idaho?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 04 May 07 - 05:16 PM

Hey, Rapaire, I see that tomorrow is your 4th anniversary as director of the Marshall Public Library. Congrats.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 04 May 07 - 05:37 PM

What's the red domino shaped thing to the north west?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 04 May 07 - 07:50 PM

The red flippin' domino thing is probablly one of them cat houses that they have all over flippin' Idaho...the only flippin' state named after a flippin' ho! She was the guid3e fer Gary Lewis and Guy Clark when they was explorin' out that way. She had the roundest flippin' heels west of the flippin' Atlantic. That's Idaho for ya.

I flippin' near got arrested at the liberry this mornin', but I got away too quick for 'em. I am now at a flippin' Internet cafe, eh? I am just about to hit the road south. The weather is not bad, but a bit flippin' cold, eh? I will try and find a warm spot fer the night with, like, my persenal charm, eh?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 07 - 08:46 PM

I had to look. The red domino-like thing are the tennis courts behind the Universalist-Unitarian Church.

Portneuf is pronounced "portneff" out here, although some people do say "port-nuff", but they're just showing off their French.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,the unseen presence...
Date: 04 May 07 - 10:56 PM

With the aid of his "personal charm" Shane ends up finding a nice warm place to sleep: a pile of rubbish behind the cement factory, near the exhaust fan.

Our hero is due to spend a fitful night tossing and turning as he dreams of rolling extra big joints, drinking from beer bottles that never run dry, and wooing the lovely officer Jennifer Dana in the back of her police cruiser...

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 07 - 02:39 PM

So, they call it "wooing" when you're doing it in the back of the car these days, huh?

That ain't what we called it, way back when. But the "-ing" part was the same.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Alice
Date: 06 May 07 - 11:45 AM

Is this thread on life support?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 May 07 - 02:16 PM

We're all on life support.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 07 - 09:28 AM

Quick, Henry! The Flit!             -- Dr. Seuss.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 07 May 07 - 11:26 AM

I'll take one please.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 07 - 12:47 PM

I have it on EXCELLENT authority that "Shane McBride" was seen yesterday attending Mass at Notre Dame du Portage Catholic Church in Kenora, Ontario.

Granted, the boy might be lost....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 07 May 07 - 02:42 PM

Southern Shane was in Sudbury the other day, did he get turned around when he got chased out of the library? Maybe it was Northern Shane in Kenora (kind of makes more sense for him to be in a church anyway, what with the whole monastery thing). Perhaps the Meeting of the Shane's is drawing near.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 07 May 07 - 04:35 PM

Any projection for next total eclipse of the Shanes?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 07 May 07 - 04:51 PM

One Shane
Two Shane

Red Shane
Blue Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Shane McBride
Date: 07 May 07 - 09:53 PM

I have just found this thread and I want to say that whoever these jerks are who claim to be Shane McBride are pretty obviously idiots.

I am Shane McBride. I was born in Kamloops, BC on August 15, 1977 and served in the Defence Forces (Princess Patricia's). I am also a Sergeant in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police; currently stationed in North Battleford, SK.

My wife, Jennifer, and I have twin daughters and we're expecting our third child this coming September.

I do not suggest that these two fools continue disgracing the name Shane McBride.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 May 07 - 02:03 AM

Oh, take it easy, Mr McBride. This has absolutely nothing to do with you or your family. It's a little Mudcat fantasy, that's all. There are probably quite a number of people alive right now in this world who are named Shane McBride. So what? "Shane" and "McBride" are both rather common names in an English-speaking culture. It's not easy to come up with a name that absolutely no one out there has...unless you invent some weird alien name like Zbarylla Norflewinz Glarpqueezer.

(...and now some smart aleck will no doubt post here, protesting that HIS...or her...name is Zbarylla Norflewinz Glarpqueezer, and he or she has been insulted! Well if so...too flippin' BAD!)

Or as Shane would say..."Flip off, you retread!"

How did you find the flippin' thread anyway? Were you looking at random to see if your name and fame had spread all across the Internet? I bet if you do a search for "John Morgan" or "Tom Stark" or "Mary Wilkins", you'll find all of them out there too...and I just made those three up on the spot.

You're right about one thing though. Those two guys on this thread who say they are Shane McBride are idiots. No doubt whatsoever about that.

Look, if you don't have a brother named Don who works at a service station in Blind River, Ontario, and you aren't in love with a female O.P.P. officer called Jennifer Dana, and you weren't born and bred (sort of) in Blind River, and you haven't been arrested 185 times for minor infractions of the law (plus a few not so minor ones), and you can't roll joints faster than Spiderman can climb an average sized skyscraper....then it's pretty clear that you are not the Shane McBride who appears again and again in this thread and others of its ilk on this forum. And you're not the other one who appears here either. You are neither of those guys. But you knew that, right? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 May 07 - 02:08 AM

By the way, it would give Shane a terrible shock to know that there is an RCMP officer out there who has the same name as he does! Shane usually doesn't relate well to the forces of the law (except for the aforementioned Officer Jennifer Dana of the OPP).

Anyway, I bet you don't have the same middle name as our Shane from Blind River.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 08 May 07 - 09:48 AM

Holy Flip! Talk about your unforseen turn of events.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 08 May 07 - 07:28 PM

The two Shanes we learn to love are actually idiots?
News to me. (Not that there's anything wrong with that).

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 08 May 07 - 11:07 PM

Holy flip! A flippin' MOUNTIE is me? I mean, I'm a MOUNTIE? Or maybe the flippin' blothole enposder is a montie and is tryin' to trap me into syain' sumthing so I cna be arrested and detaned. Well, I'm not in Mayo anymroe. Nope. You couldn't find me in flippin' Moya if you looked under every rock around. So just tell that flippin' Muountie that I'm not here, ok? Maybe he can find that flippin' endposter who says he's me and arest him.

-- Shane McBride (not in Mayo)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 09 May 07 - 06:13 AM

Officer McBride,

Someone once told me that you can't serve in the RCMP and be in the Canadian military at the same time (i.e. reserves). Is it true?
Just wondering.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 May 07 - 09:25 AM

How the flip would I knwo? Besides, I ain't in flippin' Mayo anymore. And I don't think I'm a flippin' Mountie.

-- Shane McBride (not in Mayo anymore)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 May 07 - 01:58 PM

Think of though Northern Shane (who is no longer in Mayo), if you were a Mountie then you and Officer Dana could slap the cuffs on each other. OK, now spread 'em!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 May 07 - 02:11 PM

LOL! (snort!)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 07 - 03:05 PM

"Shane" wouldn't have any idea of what you are talking about.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 May 07 - 03:22 PM

You are going to have to be more specific.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 May 07 - 04:33 PM

Youse people are a flippin' sad case! All of youse. You people got no life. That is your rpblem, eh? If youse had a life...like I do...then youse would not say all the dumb stuff you do. I flippin' pity the hole bunch of you. I do.

I am well on the way to findin' Officer Dana and makin' my perposal to her. I am now in this little place south of Sudbury, and I got a chance to get on a flippin' computer here, eh? I ain't got much time. All's I will say is that when I do find Officer Dana I am gonna put my flippin' cards on the table. Yup. Destiny is mine this time. Beleive it, loosers!

This is Shane...signin' off.

- Shane

p.d. The flippin' BOLTHOLE who says that he is named Shane McBRide and that he is a mountie don't scare me!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Carl
Date: 09 May 07 - 07:11 PM

The girls are out to bingo, and the boys are gettin stinko,
They think no more of INCO on a Sudbury Saturday Night,
Stompin Tom Connors

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 07 - 09:24 AM

"He"'s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Just when you thought it safe to return to the pub....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 10 May 07 - 01:07 PM

Being told by Shane that you have no life. Ouch.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 07 - 02:47 PM

Well, he'd certainly know....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 10 May 07 - 04:18 PM

Stardate 534, Terran Planetary Quadrant, North Ontarian sector of North American Continent:

We are looking about as usual for Earthlings with good genetic material. We will do a sweep tonight in the general area that lies south of the large Earthling city called Sudbury. The Earthlings in this area are mostly quite primitive, bestial, easily frightened and bucolic in nature, and don't believe in us. This makes them pretty easy to handle most of the time, and genetically speaking they are of rather hardy stock, although sometimes they have a dangerously high alcohol content for some reason. We must look further into how this is occurring. Perhaps we can use the information gleaned to further health studies on the home planets.

The Commander has informed me to ready the inspection labs for a new specimen or two. This should be interesting. I wonder which gender of specimens we will aprehend this time? They all look fairly ugly to me, but perhaps not to each other. We hope to get a couple of them to mate this time. It would be most interesting to secure a holographic recording of this rare Earthling procedure.

We await sunset and cover of darkness. There is no point arousing too much unnecessary attention from these primitive humanoids and their noisy aircraft.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 10 May 07 - 04:28 PM

Hey, Mr. Spaceman
Won't you please take me along
I won't do anything wrong
Hey, Mr. Spaceman
Won't you please take me along for a ride

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 07 - 09:08 PM

Fear not, for I, one of the Children of the Lens, will save you! I fear neither thionite nor the denizens of Eddore, and Northern, Southern and Central Ontario will be safe for I am on the job!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 10 May 07 - 09:52 PM

Stardate 534, Terran Planetary Quadrant, North Ontarian sector of North American Continent:

It is a lovely Terran night. We are presently monitoring a stretch of road alongside a wooded area, of which there are a great many here. Millions and millions and millions of rocks and trees. You have to see it to fully appreciate it.

There is an Earthling humanoid stumbling down this road. He is going on the side so as to avoid the big vehicles that pass by. Every time one does, he sticks one of his digits in the air at it. This may be a formality of some kind, but I'm not sure.

This Earthling should do. I shall ready the teleportation equipment and charge up the probes...

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,The Unseen Presence...
Date: 10 May 07 - 10:09 PM

Shane McBride, otherwise known as Blind DRunk from Blind River, is making his sorry way down the highway toward the woman of his dreams. He is somewhere south of Sudbury. It is damp and rather cold tonight. The sky has cleared.

Shane is feeling a bit sorry for himself, because he has not been able to hitch a ride in the last 4 hours.

"Buncha flippin' bums!" he complains. "See if I ever give youse jerks a ride when you need one! Flip! I would give a flippin' beer if someone, anyone would just give me a ride right now. Flip!"

Suddenly Shane becomes aware that there has been an odd vibration in his ears for the last couple of minutes. He looks around nervously. Nothing in sight. The wind sighs through the scraggly trees and brush beside the road. Shane begins to think worrisome thoughts about things he has seen in cheap horror movies. Could there be a flippin' Sasquatch out there in the darkness? Or a flippin' werewolf?

He trudges on. The moonlight has become surprisingly strong, and for the first time Shane realizes that it is tinged with shades of red and deep amber! Very flippin' strange.

"Geez! Must be a flippin' Harvester Moon or somethin'...Hey! There is the moon's shadow, and it's movin'..."

Shane freezes in a moment of sheer horror, turns around, looks up....

Only to see hovering above him an enormous shining orb, glowing with a soft amber-red light that pulsates at regular intervals. A portal is opening in the bottom of the orb, and the humming sound is now filling Shane's ears and vibrating right to the tips of his fingers and toes...

"Omigod!!! FLIP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yells Shane. He bolts for the forest. A beam of golden light shoots out silently from the orb, lifting Shane clear of the ground, despite his desperate struggles. Screaming and cursing and blubbering, Shane is draw remorselessly up through the air into the belly of what is clearly some alien craft.

What will be the dreadful fate that befalls him there?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:22 PM

I'm confused again about how many Shanes there are. Any help?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:25 PM

At least a few, maybe several.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 11 May 07 - 10:01 PM

Stardate 535, Terran Planetary Quadrant, North Ontarian sector of North American Continent:

We have nabbed a very choice specimen of Earthling. He has shaggy facial hair and is noticeably unclean. When first siezed by the transporter beam he let forth with an extraordinary series of auditory utterances, indicating his panic and distress. We have succeeded in sedating him with the paralyzer beam. He is sweating profusely. My goodness, what a dreadful odor! Well, one is forced to get closer than one would want to these unpalatable alien beings in one's quest for scientific knowledge.

Meklor is going to do a mind meld with the being and see if we can discover what makes him tick, if I may use an expression.

We have now ascended to a point approximately halfway between Terra and its moon, so that we may proceed in peace and fully examine this primitive lifeform at our leisure.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:15 AM

Dear me. The mind meld did not go well. Meklor has been reduced almost to a state of nervous collapse, as it appears that most of his mind got sucked out of him in the uneven exchange that occurred! This has never happened before. He keeps mumbling incomprehensible gibberish, twitching, and repeating the phrase "Flip ME!"

It appears that the almost total lack of intelligence in this Earthling acted as a vacuum and it instantly drained most of Meklor's intelligence, reducing him to a babbling wreck. This is not good.

We must attempt to recover whatever of Meklor's awareness that has been sucked into the black hole of this creature's brainless existence.

I shall ready the nasal and anal probes...

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:25 AM

As one of the Children of the Lens, I can tell you that our decision is that you can have him. You might consider an external cleansing with an appropriate agent and dihydrogen oxide; it will improve his odor. Remove (and destroy in a biologically safe manner) his outer integuments first: they are removable and not part of his body. You will know what should not be removed if a liquid containing, among other things, hemoglobin (an oxygen-binding iron-based chemical) seeps or squirts out.

Oh, yes. If, when you are through with him, you feel that you must return him, please give him some sort of removable outer integument. A complete display of non-removable body covering is considered inappropriate on this world. Unless, of course, life is extinct when he is returned.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:33 AM

Not so fast, Lens Child! We have no intention of keeping this disgusting creature. Once the tests are completed and Meklor's mind is restored, back he goes to planet Terra.

We shall clean and sterilize his filthy body by fully immersing it in a strong solution of Agent 53. That should do the trick. Agent 53 can clean up anything.

Meklor is now demanding "beer and smokes". No one here has any idea what to do or what that means. This is very, very bad.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 12 May 07 - 02:52 PM

We have the Earthling more or less clean now, after applying massive amounts of Agent 53. His vestments have been thrown into the disintegrator beam, as they were deemed beyond cleansing. We will supply him with new vestments shortly out of our own supplies. He will look very much better in a close-fitting silver body suit and boots and gloves. His strugglings and frenzied vocalizations have been quite something to witness, and we have made holographic recordings of it all for future analysis.

Meklor is under sedation while we try to determine how to restore him to his normal mental faculties. The last thing he did was to beg for "pizza", whatever that is...

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Canadienne
Date: 12 May 07 - 07:53 PM

ring this number Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 09:46 PM

Oh, drat it, Artixes! Mulian the Serbetes sort of promised that you'd keep him for an example of genetic material gone awry.

Well, I can certainly understand why you don't want to do so.

Try refugating the Meklor mind meld. I think you've run into a simple case of "mental blue event horizon" and refugating should restore 99.999% of Meklor's mind. Whatever's left will be far more than the probee had before.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 13 May 07 - 07:51 AM

Hey Artixes, this thread is not limited to earthlings only. Please recommend us to any other alien species you may encounter. Perhaps every alien race has a Shane of their own? Perhaps our Shane will return to us with alien super powers. Things have changed dramatically - I am now confident we will reach 85 billion by the end of the year. No point in quiting this thread now when the end is so near.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 07 - 09:33 AM

Yes, and vice-versa.