Obit: My Dear Wife

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: jeffp
Date: 10 Jul 06 - 08:06 AM

Bonnie's memorial service was yesterday. It was really very nice. Many memories were shared, many tears were shed, even a few laughs. Just what she had wanted. We were fortunate to have enough warning to discuss her wishes, so that I am confident that we did the right thing by her. The kids and I reinforced our bond and promised to take care of each other.

Thank you everybody for your support. The ones I know and the ones I don't. You represent the Mudcat at its best.

Jeff

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: bbc
Date: 09 Jul 06 - 11:42 PM

I will add my deepest sympathy to you & your family. Words don't adequately express what we want to say when we are confronted by a deep loss.

best,

Barbara

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 09 Jul 06 - 02:45 PM

My deepest sympathy and condolences, Jeff.

Chanteyranger

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: maire-aine
Date: 09 Jul 06 - 02:43 PM

Dear Jeff, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. There isn't much a stranger can say, except that I'll keep you and Bonnie in my prayers.

Maryanne

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: wilbyhillbilly
Date: 09 Jul 06 - 12:41 AM

Our thoughts and prayers are with you Jeff, from "across the pond"



whb

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: georgeward
Date: 09 Jul 06 - 12:26 AM

Jeff,

First. another heartfelt offer of condolence from a stranger (almost...the Mudcat has its own community magic).

As many here know, I lost my own wife (love, lover, partner, best friend...on and on) four and a half years ago. It brought home a hard truth. There's a saying in some hard-nosed twelve-step groups, "I know that I am temporary." It can be easier to accept that, in the end, than to accept the temporariness of those we love, those by whose light we have come to see ourselves and to define our lives and purpose.

The Queen Mother, as quoted by Mr Red above, put it very well: "It doesn't get any better - you get better at it."

Vaughn and I had a favorite quote from the old show 'The Fantastiks': "Without a hurt, the heart is hollow". I never realized I would come to live by it, but I do.

Usually, I just say, "anything good is bittersweet," and leave it at that. Because it is. Something wonderful happens that you would have hardly been able to wait to share with your partner...and she's not there. Something sad or awful happens; you turn around, or reach for the phone at work, and...she's not there.

And a peculiar chemistry happens. You get better at it. The things you shared, and the light she shed never wholly go away. They go with you into places you never thought you'd have to go alone. They go with you into new friendships and new directions. You come to share them in ways you never thought you could.

It is nothing you would ever have chosen. There can be very empty times. Be as wise, careful and gentle with yourself as everyone above has urged you to be. But you do get better at it.

And you carry the light on. Even when you can't believe it, you do.

As the folks above have said, stay in touch with us. - George

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: jeffp
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 11:28 PM

Thank you so much, everybody. You will never know how much you have all helped me. This is the Mudcat Cafe at its best.

Jeff

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: GUEST,darkriver (no cookie)
Date: 08 Jul 06 - 07:34 PM

Jeff,

very sorry to hear of your loss. Although words are inadequate, accept my sincere condolences to you and your family.

Doug

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: open mike
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 10:57 PM

i know of a d.j. who is planning a radio show filled with songs that people might find helpful when a friend or loved one has has cancer.

He is an oncology nurse and is hoping to share music with meaning that has helped bring people thru such circumstances. I hope that you, Jeff
find a way to get thru each day.The Fred Small song posted earlier is a good one--i always thought of it as a kids lullaby, but i see it can be so much more.

If any one knows of music that might be good to include for a radio show, or that has helped them, please p.m. me. thanks

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 08:57 PM

I'm so sorry, my frined... I lost my wife, Judy, 10 years ago this October 2nd... It's tough...

Bobert

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 09:07 AM

My sincere condolences Jeff!

Trite words seem to come very easy at a time like this so I'll just say, in line with Bugsy's message (above), She obviously left a lot of love behind her.

Treasure the memories - All of them

Thinking of you
G-P

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Bugsy
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 05:19 AM

Jeff,

I cannot imagine the pain of losing a partner. I have lost family members, of both older and younger generations, but the thought of losing my wife is beyond comprehension to me.

Below, the words of a song we both love and that I want played if I go before her.

EVERYTHING POSSIBLE
Fred Small,

We've cleared off the table,leftovers saved
Washed the dishes and put them away
I've told you a story,tucked you in tigh
At the end of your knockabout day
When the moon sets a sail to carry you to sleep
Over the midight sea
I will sing you a song no one sang to me
May it keep you good company

You can be anybody you want to be
You can love whomever you will
You can travel any country that your heart eads
And Am know that I will love you still
You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around
You can choose one special one
But the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done

There are girls who grow up strong and bold
There are boys quiet and kind
Some race on ahead, some follow behind
Some go in their own way and time
Some women love women, some men love men
Some raise children, some never do
You can dream all the days, never reaching the end
Of everything possible for you

Don't be rattled by names, by taunts, by games
But seek out spirits true
If you give your friends the best part of yourself
They will give the same back to you

You can be anybody you want to be
You can love whomever you will
You can travel any country that your heart eads
And Am know that I will love you still
You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around
You can choose one special one
But the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done


I hope she had a life that was full and happy and am sure she left a lot of love behind her.

love to you and your family in this, the worst of times


Bugsy

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Partridge
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 04:00 AM

So sorry, the passing of a loved one is hard.
thinking of you,

love

Pat xx

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: dianavan
Date: 07 Jul 06 - 02:23 AM

I can feel your grief all the way to Canada.

Please accept my sympathy.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Kaleea
Date: 06 Jul 06 - 01:47 PM

Jeff, you are in the thoughts prayers of all we 'Catters out here in Mudland. While her physical presence is not with you, the presence of Bonnie in the form of her Love will always be with you.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: GUEST,saulgoldie
Date: 06 Jul 06 - 01:33 PM

Condolences, Jeff. I wish you the best.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: M.Ted
Date: 06 Jul 06 - 12:16 PM

I am so sorry to hear about this--you have my deepest sympathies and warmest regards--

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Carly
Date: 06 Jul 06 - 10:54 AM

My deepest sympathy, Jeff. Hold tight to the memories and take good care of yourself; the pain of this kind of loss never goes away, I know, but it does become easier to bear.

Carly Gewirz

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Anonny Mouse
Date: 06 Jul 06 - 12:37 AM

Condolences and prayers of support and hope from squeeky here; there's no adequate words to express all that could or should be said. The loss of a spouse (and one you were married to such a short time) is tragic. My fondest wish/hope is that SOMEDAY, these demonic cancers that take so many of us will be vanquished. I am truly sorry to hear of your loss.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 06 Jul 06 - 12:32 AM

It's never a good time for someone we love to die. It's awful. The likelihood is you will survive and rebuild your life. You seem to have good friends who will stand with you as you plow through the awfulness. To a certain extent it will help to know that they WANT to help, but the most anyone can do is hold the kleenex. But the friends/family geographically close to you should be warned to watch for signs of shock. That can occur at any moment after the loss for several years. It can take several forms. Ask for help to protect yourself, friends to keep their eye on you, sort of. Eat regularly and well, get enough sleep, do some regular excercise. God bless. Tw

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: kytrad (Jean Ritchie)
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM

Jeff, I never met you, nor your Bonnie, but I feel that I do. In my mind and heart I hold your hand, and hers, and wish you hearts-ease.
Jean Ritchie

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: GUEST,Jaze
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 07:59 PM

So sorry for your loss,Jeff. Take comfort that you have lots of friends and support right here. Take Care.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 06:58 PM

Very sorry for your loss, Jeff.

Elmer

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 06:40 PM

Jeff, I'm sending light and love to you tonight. I can offer no words of comfort to ease your loss, but lots of prayers and support.

love,
Allison

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: van lingle
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 04:24 PM

So sorry for your loss, Jeff. vl

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 01:32 PM

Deepest Sympathy.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: rock chick
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 12:42 PM

My condolences Jeff, when you feel sad think of the wonderful times you spent with Bonnie.

Take care and may your god give you strength.

Shelagh

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Sorcha
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 12:03 PM

I'm so very very sorry, Jeff. My deepest sympathy.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: SunnySister
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 11:44 AM

Waltzes of the heart never end. While you are both on a different dance floor at the moment, you both are still listening to the same music of your souls. In time, you'll dance together again.

My thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry for your loss of Bonnie, Jeff, and the pain of missing her.

-SunnySister
AKA- Deanna

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 10:51 AM

Lovely song, Jeff. My deepest condolences to you in your loss.

Ebbie

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Rutger
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 10:34 AM

Jeff, I've posted to you privately but for the Mudcatters who may not have seen the song that you wrote for Bonnie, I will post it here again - I still remember hearing you sing it, and it says so much about the kind of relationship you have had - and that will never ever go away.

[This is Jeff's first song, written for Bonnie on Valentine's Day]

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?

CHORUS

Would you like to dance, make some sweet romance
Would you take a chance with me?
We'll spin around the floor once or twice or more.
I love you can't you see?
Dance with me.

When I first met you many years ago,
who could tell what would transpire?
Neither you nor I knew as time went by
you would set my heart on fire?

CHORUS

We went our separate ways, while the music played
Some sad and happy tunes.
Before the dance was through I came back to you
And we kissed beneath the moon.

CHORUS

Now if you'll just step into my arms
We'll waltz all around this hall.
Then no matter what the future brings
I'll be there each time you call.

CHORUS

by Jeff Porterfield

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Essex Girl
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM

My sincere condolences. Having been through this 8 months ago I can imagine how you feel. The mudcat family will laugh and cry with you.
Linda

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: SharonA
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 09:23 AM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Jeff. My deepest condolences to you and to the family.

Sharon

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: skipy
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 08:32 AM

I have tears in my eyes for a lady I didn't even know.
Take good care of yourself she would have wanted that!
Skipy

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 08:20 AM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss

sandra

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 08:03 AM

So very sorry to hear this Jeff....love and blessings to you and your family...

Suzi....x

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: kendall
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 07:58 AM

Jeff, thanks so much for that piece of information. I really don't know how to respond except to say that I'm pleased that my feeble attempt at writing served such a worthwhile purpose.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Mr Red
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 07:49 AM

FWIW the Queen Mum said of breavement

It doesn't get any better - you get better at it.

My father died when I was six months old and I observed, though poorly understood, grief for 35 years. Just remember that you have a community here and don't avoid doing the things you enjoyed before. I have seen people cut themselves off and it is not a good idea.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Azizi
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 07:45 AM

I'm sorry about your loss. Your wife sounds like a wonderful lady. And it sounds as though you two had a love supreme. You are blessed to have experienced that.

Please remember to take care of yourself. I'll continue to hold you in prayer.


-Azizi

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Hawker
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 06:40 AM

So sorry to hear your sad news. Much love to you and kind thoughts
Cheers, Lucy

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 06:34 AM

Thinking of you both.
Keith.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 06:26 AM

Condolances from me as well. Hope that knowing you are in so many thoughts will help.

Dave.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: greg stephens
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 05:53 AM

Very sorry to hear this sad news, Jeff
Greg

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: The Barden of England
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 05:47 AM

So heartbreaking to lose a loved partner. My thoughts go with you.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Brakn
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 05:09 AM

Sorry for your loss.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: redsnapper
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 05:02 AM

My deepest condolences and thoughts.

RS

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: GUEST,Kingbrill
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 04:43 AM

So sorry to hear of your loss. Take care of yourself and hold on to the loving memories.

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 04:36 AM

Take care, we're thinking of you.

LTS

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 12:12 AM

Dear Jeff:

One step at a time,mate; keep breathing. This is sad news indeed, and no easy thing. My thoughts are with you

A

Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife
From: frogprince
Date: 05 Jul 06 - 12:11 AM

I'm just another stranger to you, out here somewhere, but I also have lost family members and friends to cancer, some much to young. I wish you strenghth, and the comfort of your family and friends, to see you through the pain of your loss.
                   Dean