BS: Adult Curiosity

Subject: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: GUEST,PennyRoyal
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 08:42 AM

Recently I found out that two women I know with hold sex from their partner/spouse as a means of getting things they want or to keep their partner/spouse from doing things they don't approve of. Is it just me, or does this scream CONTROL FREAK and of a doomed relationship? And what does that say about the other person?

Personally I find this inherantly wrong. Why would you do that to someone you supposedly LOVE?

Any thoughts?

PennyRoyal

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 09:08 AM

I agree.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: Becca72
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 09:29 AM

Immaturity and passive-agressive bullshit if you ask me.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: Scoville
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 09:33 AM

Never having tried this myself, I wonder if it doesn't go both ways. I wonder if women who feel powerless in most other aspects of a relationship (i.e. don't feel like they have much say in the finances, in family policy, etc.) use this as a last resort. The flip-side stereotype is the husband who won't give his stay-at-home wife money because it's "his" and he doesn't want her wasting it on herself. Refusing to clean the house, etc., in retaliation directly affects the kids and would probably bring extra criticism on the woman herself. Withholding sex directly affects mostly the husband.

Which is not to say that I don't think it's a childish ploy and degrading to everyone involved, just that without insight into what drives someone down this road, it's hard to tell what's really going on.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 09:35 AM

In any case it's a game being played and it's a sick one. The relationship couldn't have been very solid to begin with.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: Emma B
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 09:41 AM

been done before

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 11:16 AM

"been done before" for a good cause.

Lysistrata might be a good idea in today's world....but not for a little relationship.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 03:33 PM

all marriages are weird. if they work at all. they work if you turn up and contribute your physical presence every day, anything else is an extra. actually i can think of some marriages that work because the two combatants, stay apart as much as is humanly possible.

don't get snotty about anybody else's marriage, if it works for them....who is to say what's right.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: fat B****rd
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 03:42 PM

I am fortunate. My wife doesn't do that sort of thing. If she did I'd rather engage in DIY than mind games.
Then again that's MY marriage, weelittledrummer's last paragraph is fine by me.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: folk1e
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 08:06 PM

Come on you can't leave us in suspense......... Did the man notice?

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 08:08 PM

The women who confided in you must feel so good knowing how well you keep a confidence.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 08:38 PM

Any woman who tries this risks her man going elsewhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 09:52 PM

Sounds like a form of prostitution to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: GUEST,PennyRoyal
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 11:52 PM

Guest 8:08,

   One doesn't care who she tells. The other has no idea I know. I haven't disclosed names so what does it matter? Is it someone on Mudcat? Wouldn't you like to know!

Either way, I can't imagine why you would play such games with someone you love. In fact, I can't imagine that love is involved at all in that kind of situation.

PennyRoyal

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jul 06 - 11:55 PM

Not at all. You sound like a gossip.

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 15 Jul 06 - 12:09 AM

I've always liked what M. Scott Peck said:

'One main reason to get married is for the friction!!'

The hard WORK you must both do to make it work is where the real positives come from (and that friction adds to sex too.)

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Adult Curiosity
From: GUEST,PennyRoyal
Date: 15 Jul 06 - 12:45 AM

Guest 8:08

   Gossip? More like I have never heard of such a thing and was quite taken by surprise. Again, it just doesn't fit into what I consider love. I can understand a disagreement and not feeling close to each other (so no sex is happening) but for it to be a one sided decision and used as leverage, that just isn't love. Call me old fashioned, but if it's not about love, it's not worth having. The power trip thing is beyond me.

PennyRoyal