Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Nov 06 - 11:00 AM

Please bear in mind that there are certain rules applied to Blitherscrum Barn dances.
1)No sexual practices on the dance floor at it detracts from the natural rhythm of the dances (Also it is not known as 'Come Dancing'.
2)Food is not to be thrown at the ceilidh band, as it may cause the instruments to lose their tune (as well as the performers!).
3)No playing of kazoos on the dance floor.
4)No food on the dance floor as it attracts rats from the brook next to the hall.
Further rules may be published soon

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Nov 06 - 08:48 PM

Blitherscrum Autumn Fundraiser Barn Dance.

Music by 'Full of Themselves Ceilidh Band', caller TBA

Saturday 18th November 06.

Admission by ticket only.

Tickets available from:


Oddfellows Hall only £6.50 inc. hotpot supper.

Ebay. – Make your bids!

Or from touts on the door: make your bids!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 11 Sep 06 - 03:58 AM

One thing that made the food service operation unsanitary is that someone broke into the central kitchen and confiscated all the spoons. They mistook it for the pub next door which was going to hold a session the next day. They thought they were going to be decorated as war heroes.

Chanteyranger

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Sep 06 - 11:27 AM

Campsites such as the indoor one at Blitherscrum are there for a purpose and those who use them should not be complaining about the wooden floors, the toilets or the peeping Toms from the village. Some even complained about the food which they bought and cooked themselves. Using Bodhrans as frisbees has been a feature at Blitherscrum so those who bring them should expect them to get bent and broken. Banjos are the best available thing to use for French cricket so their owners should also expect the same thing. Eddie Baker is after all the local farmer so when the site was sprayed with...with...well with you know what I mean...it should have been expected also.
These things will not be changed so get a life and live with it..

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 10 Sep 06 - 10:05 AM

FESTIVAL FEEDBACK FORM

Please tell us what you thought was good/ bad about the event & add any suggestions on how we might make it better next time.

Please add your comments below:

I felt the fact that the water bowsers being marked 'Not for Drinking' was not at all helpful, since we later found that they in fact contained drinking water!'

There weren't enough Portaloos & 5 out of 6 weren't working at all.

Also I didn't appreciate the coin operated toilet paper dispensers – surely 50p a sheet's somewhat extortionate!

While on the subject of rip-offs, the gazebo levy was most disproportionate – gazebos with roofs: 20lb surcharge while roofless ones were free!

Similarly, windbreaks with walls were charged 10lb per wall while those without were free

More??

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 10 Sep 06 - 09:48 AM

Mr H

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 09:25 PM

Paul,










Thanks for link + explanation.

Hope we can get 2gether 4 a nuvva fab sesh w/end snoo [sic]

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 09:02 PM

Halloween 111 was on t'tely t'nite when I got Back from the Carlton Big Sesh.

Lots of folk had their chips- do u think yours could be one?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 05:14 PM

Elmer Fudd.. the scar is actually your left ear try turning your hearing aid off! They are so annoying when they squeal.
The round object over Blitherscrum was actually the moon.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 02:54 PM

Every single one of my photos from the festival shows a glowing, round object hovering in the sky over Blitherscrum. Ever since the last night there's been this weird scar on my left temple with what appears to be a tiny, rectangular chip of something under the skin. And I've been receiving transmissions of speeded-up accordian music since then.

Do you think there's a connection? Has this happened to anyone else?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 02:41 PM

I don't think it was bosh at all...incredibly like the real thing..until it was burned down by flames blowing over from the bodhran bonfire

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Paul Burke
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 12:44 PM

No, was wrong, misread the source. It's someone else after the pair of them, and a bit of cheap Dali thrown in too.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Chanteyranger
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 12:35 PM

You guys are being totally hieronymous.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Paul Burke
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 12:12 PM

It's Escher after Bosch IIRC.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 11 Aug 06 - 12:09 PM

Paul B.,

your pic of kids playground?

is it Bosch?

its got a representation of Escher's perpetual waterfall in it.

Did M.C. get the concept from Bosch or wot?

Do u kno?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 04:06 AM

Unfortunately there are NO pictures. The photo developing concession was awarded to the local branch of Boots the Chemist in exchange for a bottle of Peabody's Neck Oil (Extra Strength). Just as the last films were handed in the lab caught fire in mysterious circumstances. The Fire Brigade and Police have ruled out the presence of one of the human torches as being a contributory factor and are of the opinion that it was caused by a random lightning strike from a storm they'd had in April. Chief Fire Officer Gerry Widdle says the case is now closed.

Sketches of the blaze are due to be printed in the Blitherscrum Daily Liar on Wednesday week.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Paul Burke
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 03:56 AM

Pictures, SINSULL..
The Camp Site after the rain
Session in the End of Hope
Morris Dancers in the Village
The Children's Playground
The Camp Site at Night
Just having Fun

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 01:19 AM

I would LOVE some pictures, SINSULL! Send them to me and I'll reimburse you. Thanks!

BTW, what are they of?

Chanteyranger

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 10:39 PM

SO...pictures anyone?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 07:04 PM

There was plenty of gas in the indoor camping area..some of the women never stopped making the gas.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 06:40 PM

The Hummers all ran out of gas.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 10:43 AM

Why was the Hummer Workshop cancelled? I went down but no one was there.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,GS
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 09:43 AM

BS stands for Blither Scrum

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 04:56 AM

BS you say? Why Georgiansilver, Blitherscrum is undoubtedly the world's premiere something or other, wouldn't you say?

Chanteyranger

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 05:27 PM

So who will be 'contributing' to next years Blitherscrum thread then?
We need all the contributors we can get.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 07:15 PM

The question I really want to ask is:- Have the censors actually perused this thread at all? have they looked and seen it as a bit of fun but not BS.........there is more BS in this thread than all the BS threads put together!
In the words of the inimitable Jimmy Hendrix..."Hey Joe"   have you seen this BS thread amongst the music?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 07:12 PM

I like a good wine too! or should that be whine?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 06:49 PM

Having sat in my sodding tent with 350 people for 2 hours I think I'm entitled to complain about the squash.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 11:38 AM

Mr Happy, you seem to forget that the exclusion of newcomers at singarounds/sessions is one of the highlights of a Blitherscrum Festival. Performers travel from all over specifically for this so they can then sit in their sodden tents and complain vociferously to any one who comes within megaphone range. The same people can also be seen outside the Whores & Fannies (or is that the Horse & Panniers?)complaining at the exhorbitant price of a half of orange squash. There will be a prize next year for best whinger of the week.

There will be no organised brawling next year. This is a money saving measure as the locals always provide a spontaneous one for free every night anyway.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 10:11 AM

......just got back from the overspill campsite, situated on the main floodplain of the Blitheshire Union Canal.

An excellent idea on the part of the festival organisers to have the campers fashion their own rafts on which to pitch their tents.

As the canal adjoins the river, it was possible to punt yourself,using the handy pole-hire concession, to both sides of the river, thus being able to take full advantage of all the exotic amenities on offer.

Highlights of the festival for the Mr Happy & Fiends World Tour were:

* the very formally directed singaround in Ye Olde Multiplex Cinema Middle Bar, in which Harry & Vicky Gloom nominated all their chums to perform & excluded all newcomers.

This approach completely eliminated any of the competitiveness & smartarse showing off that many travelling folkies are tempted to exhibit, particularly displays of musical & singing competance- both of which were totally absent.


* the allcomers drunken brawl in the disabled ladies portaloo, led by that fine singer & smartarse musician; Darren O'Barbahblacksheep.

'I'll fight any wummun in the house!'


* the Write & Perform your very own Dirge workshop led by Lofty McBrain, part time taxidermist & undertaker; & spoon player extaordinaire!


* the Drink a Metre of Ale + Wet Tee shirt & Trousers competition.

We'll certainly be attending this super do next time- Yippee!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 05:52 PM

Apparently one young lady found the love of her life at this years festival, falling truly, madly, deeply in love with him. However the mans wife says she will never have him as he is hers. She threatened to give the girl a real beating if she came near her husband ever again. The sad thing is that beating up a ten year old only carries the same penalty as beating up an old granny.
One couple wjho were at the festival have since married and are on honeymoon in Blitherscrum saying there is no better place for s......g in the world and they should know! Judging by their performance on the stage on friday night.
Next year I hope to be performing on the first night with a new instrument called a 'bodjo' which is a cross between a bodhran and a banjo....a drum with strings.....made up from items rescued from the fire and the river at this years festival. I will be singing my favourite Dylan song...LAY LADY LAY..not sure why I like it so much but I do.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 08:22 AM

Notwithstanding this year's problems, especially the cleaning bills, Eddy Baker has again been asked to provide the Camp Site to Festival transport. He's hoping that overwintering the waggons in the open will help and is currently praying for acid rain.

Hopefully, if the spider co-operates, the web site will be up and running again by June. Until it is information can be obtained on a postcard.

ALE FORCE 10 is definately off next year as the chief taster has unexpectedly passed away. I think that's what they said, although it sounded more like passed off. The replacement beer will be ALLSLOPS GUT WRENCH

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 05:47 AM

With the ALE FORCE 10 the family planning tent was a bit of a flop... as were many other things

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Rob Henderson
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 05:24 AM

The family planning clinic tent at the back of the beer tent was an excellent idea. Giving out free condoms to stop Blitherscrum locals from reproducing gets my vote. The only trouble was the sign caused alot of confusion and was taken the wrong way (quite literally) by a few festival goers. It read "Family Planning Clinic Tent - Use rear entrance"

No prizes for guessing who wrote that sign.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 03 Aug 06 - 04:10 AM

A sign is to be attached to the knicker press for next yeat asking ladies to remove their knickers before pressing them. Apparently this year's malfunction was caused by a build up of molten cellulite.

In an effort to promote more local involvement, the committee have co-opted a representative from the local Asian Lesbian Action Group to their ranks. Ms Minjita Kaur has accepted the post.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Aug 06 - 03:02 PM

This family orientated event is currently before the family planning committee and they will toss a few coins, chat about logistics and come up with a date...much like they do in most family planning situations. Obviously with the success of this years and last years festivals (in spite of what the press said) we will be carrying on the event every year from now on. There are things which will need adjustment before next year. The toilets need fixing. The hole in the indoor camping area needs emptying and filling with good clean material. The knicker press needs repair. The river needs dredging to get rid of all the reject banjos. The stones used to check the campsites distance from the performance area will need picking up.
Inmates of the local mental hospital need to have their accommodation secured, particularly whilst women are in the laundrette next door.
Details of next years event will be published as soon as possible, not a minute before or a minute later.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 02 Aug 06 - 04:19 AM

Planning is alreday under way for next year's event and the date for your diaries is the 1st September after Bonfire Night which, after allowing for sidewinds, the £/$ conversion rate and the wholesale price of rhubarb, works out to be 35th July to 4th August 1953.

Due to protests from animal welfare groups the sponges next year will have to be man made ones.

ALE FORCE 10 has now been declared a WMD by GWB (Grampian Water Board).

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR FURTHER DETAILS!!!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: The Barden of England
Date: 02 Aug 06 - 02:42 AM

I really enjoyed the dancing in the Ford. How on earth they got 80 of us in that Anglia I'll never know. The best Blitherscrum I've been to.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Rob Henderson
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 07:30 PM

Tips for Next Year:

TIP 1: The Blitherscrum Hi-hat society should not be given an area near the front of the stage as a gratuity present for them filling in for band members that caught dysentery, as they are actually a club for people with very high hats and cant actually play an instrument between them. Also as they cant spell "high" do not get them to write any of the signs for next years event, the amount of people looking for trifle and chocolate cake in Blitherscrum desert really was uncalled for.

TIP 2: Please refrain from burying people who seem to be dead. I spent 2 days of the festival underground after I passed out after a pint of Blitherscrum Breweries very own "Ale Force 10". Only to be uncovered during the festival treasure hunt, where I was handed in for a prize of 2 tickets to next years event. The treasure hunters refused the tickets and have kept me instead. I now live in a shed in western supermare and my new name is "Rommel".

TIP 3: DON'T DRINK BLITHERSCRUM BREWERIES "ALE FORCE 10"

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Trevor
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 11:27 AM

I thought the Waterman-McCartney set was fantastic, the highlight of the weekend for me, particularly when they were joined on stage by Coot Poison, Jim's son. Brought back memories of the last time I saw Bloom Herder at the Sidecar festival in Demon.

And congratulations to Whore and Toast - the yankeeburgers were so yummy I'm glad I was able to eat them twice.

And what's wrong with sponge throwing as long as no-one gets hurt. At least it keeps them out of the playground.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 03:58 AM

Tried to listen to the highlights but, apparently, you can only hear it on a cat's whisker set with dial-up via the operator and holding in button B.

However, I did manage to listen to Tubular Bells. Or was that the ring tone?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 07:07 AM

You can catch the highlights which will be streamed by Blitherscum AM Steam Radio (you can only listen in the morning though)

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Richard
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 07:44 PM

Only saw this thread today. Obvious fun was had by all. Sorry to have missed it.
RB

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 04:13 PM

REVIEW :- This thread has had more BS in it than many of the BS threads....I have truly enjoyed the witticisms and invention of contributors and would again like to thank Chanteyranger for starting the whole thing.
Hope you all enjoyed this "Festival of Wit"
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 03:39 AM

Last day today.
I did manage to get some sleep, despite the howlings of a large black cat. Whilst I was away it seems someone kindly solved the toilet problem in the indoor camping area. There is now a large pit in the corner of the room but please be careful not to fall in.
Have a great day.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 07:33 PM

Just returned from Market Rasen Folk Club...Great evening there (see thread) Looking forward to the last day here at Blitherscrum tomorrow
Off to get some sleep if those randy women will let me.
Night all!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 11:40 AM

The Reverend forgot to mention that he sinks half a bottle of scotch every day which may also add to his longevity.
Today has been one incredible day at the Festival. We had surprise visits from Joan Bayes who brought her banjo and Julie Flixe our 60's icon, David Bony and Bob Dylon. Many have left now to go to Market Rasen Folk Club for the evening as there is a great line up. All are coming back for the final day tomorrow which is so full of promise.
Lots of great songs tomorrow.
Sudan by Leonard Co-op
Goldwatch Blues..The retired.
All I think about is You...Nil-song
Let me go to the mountains...The scalers.
Will you? Hazel O'Conwoman.
Lilac Wine..Elkie pissed.
Half empty...The pessimists.
The Labouring man...Chris Builder.
Too many others to mention.
Please come if you're doin nowt else.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 08:26 AM

""""100""""

Yes, Blitherscrum's oldest resident the Reverend Peeble McStoche, is 100 today. He puts his longevity down to cold baths and a diet of boiled cabbage. The Rev. McStoche gave our reporter this information by megaphone as no one has been near him for at least 10 years. He still lives alone in the hermit's cave.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 07:40 AM

The International Shanty Session is to be hosted by the World Famous Swiss Shanty Crew plus an addition to the dance side is the Dutch Mountain Rescue Team Morrismen.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 06:25 AM

The fishing workshop is being held in a different plaice this year due to the new EU fishing policy. Under the new rules British fish can only be caught by Spanish fishermen sailing Irish boats under the French flag.

There is still a shortage of torches for the procession. Interested parties should apply to the festival psychiatrist.