Lyr Req: The Biggest Aspidistra in the World

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Biggest Aspidistra in the World
From: GUEST,Bulldozia
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 05:58 PM

The first transcription was almost correct:

The colonel says 'That's topping. Now we'll start the big advance'.   

Topping isn't a place, it's a (now almost obsolete upper-class British expression meaning first rate, excellent. Note that Gracie switches from her usual Lancashire accent to a (slightly mocking?) posh Southern one to deliver the colonel's line (note the long second 'a' in 'advance').

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Biggest Aspidistra in the World
From: Snuffy
Date: 03 Mar 11 - 04:35 PM

Sounds to me more like a double F than a double P, so the line could be something like:

The colonel says that coughing/Poffing(?) now will start the big advance

But that makes no real sense either.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BIGGEST ASPIDISTRA IN THE WORLD
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 Mar 11 - 01:36 PM

I have listened carefully to two versions that Gracie Fields recorded, and I don't hear her extending the first syllable of "aspidistra." What she does do, however, is hesitate slightly before "biggest" and then pronounce it with an explosive "b," to great comic effect.

You can hear Gracie Fields' original recording (from 1938?) at YouTube.
another copy followed by SINGIN' IN THE BATHTUB on a 78-rpm EP record.
A piano is the only accompaniment in this version.

I have compared the recorded version to the words that Gargoyle posted, and boldfaced the differences. I have also grouped the lines in a way that makes more sense to me. Now there are only 2 kinds of stanzas: a 6-line verse with the rhyme scheme xaxaxa, and an 8-line chorus with the scheme bzbzcccz, where z is the repeated title.


THE BIGGEST ASPIDISTRA IN THE WORLD
Words and music Will E. Haines, Jimmy Harper and Tommy Connor
As sung by Gracie Fields

For years we 'ad an aspidistra in a flower pot
On the whatnot, near the 'atstand in the 'all.
It didn't seem to grow 'til one day our brother Joe
Had a notion that 'e'd make it strong and tall.
So 'e's crossed it with an acorn from an oak tree,
And 'e's planted it against the garden wall.

It shot up like a rocket 'til it nearly touched the sky.
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world.
We couldn't see the top of it, it got so bloomin' 'igh.
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world.
When father's 'ad a skinful at 'is pub, 'The Bunch of Grapes,'
He doesn't go all fighting mad and getting into scrapes.
You'll find 'im in 'is bear-skin [or "bare skin"?] playing 'Tarzan of the Apes,'
Up the biggest aspidistra in the world.

We 'ave to get it watered by the local fire brigade,
So they've put the water rates up 'alf a crown.
The roots stop up the drains, grow along the country lanes,
And they come up 'alf a mile outside the town.
Once we 'ired the Crystal Palace for an 'ot-house,
But a jealous rival went and burnt it down.

The tom cats and the moggies love to spend their evenings out
Up the biggest aspidistra in the world.
They all begin meowing when the buds begin to sprout
Up the biggest aspidistra in the world.
The dogs line up for miles and miles, a funny sight to see.
They sniff around for hours on end and wag their tails with glee,
So I've 'ad to put a notice up to say it's not a tree.
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world.

It's getting worn and weary and its leaves are turning grey.
It's the oldest aspidistra in the world,
So we water it with 'alf a pint of Guinness ev'ry day.
It's the stoutest aspidistra in the world.
The borough council told us that we've got to chop it down.
It interferes with aeroplanes that fly above the town,
So we sold it to a woodyard for a lousy 'alf a crown.
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world.

[There's also a later recording (from 1940?) with an orchestra accompaniment and this new verse:]

Me brother's in the Army. He's in the 'Ome Defence,
With the biggest aspidistra in the world.
The colonel says at Topping(?) now we'll start the big advance,
With the biggest aspidistra in the world.
When Goering sees it from afar, 'e'll say to his old frau,
"Young Joe 'as got his blood up. War will soon be over now,
For they're going to string old 'Itler from the very 'ighest bough
Of the biggest aspidistra in the world."

[I couldn't find a place called Topping. Am I mishearing it?]

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 11:32 PM

The aspidistra appears to have been a symbol of (lower-)middle-class English respectability. George Orwell wrote a depressing novel (in 1936 -- a depressing year) called _Keep the Aspidistra Flying_, about a poet who sells out to become an advertising copywriter, but that's O.K., because now he can afford to get his wife pregnant. I summarized its plot in the following song, to be sung like an American football song:

Keep the aspidistra flying!

Fight fight middle class!

Rob your brother! Sell your sister!

Up up up your aspidistra!

You can make a life of lying --

You'll be glad you did!

Aspidistra! How we've missed yer!

Time to have a kid!

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: The things you think when you're not thinking! :||

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: richd
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 05:18 PM

This sounds a bit like one i know a bit of from school-

big old bulldog
sittimg on the grass,
long came a bumble bee
stung him up the...
ASSk no questions,
tell no lies,
ever seen a copper
doing up his...
Flies are a nuisance
bees are a curse...

There was also a verse about Shakespere being a man of wit, which had to rhyme with shit of course.

Any one else able to add anything?

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 04:27 PM

Following on from "Ass....pidistra"

There was also the line in High Society, with Sinatra & Crosby

"She got pinched in the ass....tor bar"


CHEERS
Nigel

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 11:20 AM

Here's another example of the "We Will Rock You" cheer that has a profanity avoidance "ask me" line:

"we will we will rock you (small pause) we will we will rock you mud on you face a big disgrace kicking your can all over the place singing we will we will rock you down shake you up like a volcano will erupt buckle your seatbelt step on the gas were gonna kick you in your ask me once ask me twice everybody we will we will rock you (small pause) we will we will rock you
{while singing stomp one foot then the other then clap throughout the whole song}"
-hi; www.cocojams.com 6/29/06

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 10:53 AM

Here's an example of 'profanity avoidance' used in a cheerleader cheer:

WE WILL ROCK YOU
Solo: We will we will rock you, stalk you, pick you up, and drop you Group: We will We will rock you down, shake you up, like a volcano ready to erupt. Buckle up you seat belt Step on the gas We are here to rock your Everybody now
Solo: We will we will rock you, stalk you, pick you up, and drop you Group: We will We will rock you down, shake you up, it's about to erupt. Buckle up your seat belt We'll step on the gas We are here to kick your But one more thing before we're through We will Rock You.
-Shorty; 5/24/2006

http://www.cocojams.com/cheerleader_cheers.htm

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 06:33 AM

LadyJean,

Thanks so much for sharing that version of "There Were Three Jolly Fishermen". I had never heard that version before.

As a child or teen -eons ago-I learned the "Amsterdam" version.
Some camp counselors taught my daughter and her friends the same version of "...Jolly Fisherman" that I had learned. We sang it this way:

"They all went down to Amster-SHSS*
Amster-SHSS
They all went down to Amster-shss
Amster-SHSS
Amster Amster SHSS SHSS SHSS
Amster Amster SHSS SHSS SHSS
They all went down to Amster-SHSS"

* 'shss' is the sound you make when you want to tell people to be quiet. While singing this word in that song [and usually when this word is said in other instances] it is accompanied with the gesture of holding a finger to the middle of your mouth and then quickly taking it away.

-snip-

Note that every verse of that song has a call & response like element in it, though the entire group sang each line in unison. I wonder if non-Black kids also sung it this way?

In the version that I learned and in my daughter's version, the next verse was:

"We must not say that naughty word
naughty word
We must not say that naughty word
naughty word
Naughty naughty word word word
Naughty naughty word word word
We must not say that naughty word.

-snip-

In the 1980s, at a summer camp where she taught, my daughter heard these two additional verse to this song:

We're gonna say it any how
any how
We're gonna say it any how
Any how
Any any how how how
Any any how how how
We're gonna say it anyhow

They all went down to Amster-DAM
Amster-DAM
They all went down to Am-ster-DAM
Amster-DAM
Amster Amster DAM DAM DAM
Amster Amster DAM DAM DAM
They all went down to Amster-DAM

-snip-

****

You know, come to think of it, I always associated the three jolly fishermen with three of Jesus' disciples {I know that this isn't Biblically accurate-but I always thought those fishermen were "Matthew, Mark, and Luke" and I wondered why they had gone off and left John}. Also, I always wondered how those Middle Eastern men knew anything about that city in Holland.

Does anyone know what the original line of that song was?
Maybe DAM-ASS-CUSS was the original distination but am-ster-DAM was substituted for it because the first word was tooo obviously naughty. I mean kids [and other singers] could claim that they were talking about the dams that held back water in Holland when they sang Amsterdam. But what almost plausible denial could they have for repeatedly singing "DAM-ASS-CUSS". It would have been too over the top, and some kids would have gotten punished if their parents or other adults had heard them singing that version.

I have to confess that though I love the Damascus version of that song, for the sake of the kids' "behinds", I won't be sharing it at any game song sessions I facilitate.

Not to mention that I don't wanna get fussed at by those kids' parents and other adults who may not 'get' that we're just having fun with words...

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: LadyJean
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:39 AM

When I was in the Girl Scouts we sang about the Three Jolly Fishermen who went to Amsterdam. The song was such that you sang it AmsterDAM! Amster amster damn damn damn. When my mother heard the song, she said, in her day, they went to Damascus. Which could then be sung damn damn ass ass cusss cuss cuss! Mother was a very elegant lady with silver gray hair and a propah Bahstonian accent. My how she used to surprise people! She also sang about the biggest aspidistra in the world.

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:44 PM

I can't believe that I made a typo when I was pattin myself on the as..nope not there-'cause I was careful not to make a mistake with those hypens..

Oh well, that's it for me.

Best wishes,

Azizi

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:40 PM

not that any of that has anything to do with the price of Aspidistra...

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:39 PM

and btw, I'd blame my typos and crazy use of the beginning but not the ending hypen on it being Mercury Retrograde right now except that O've found that I do that alot [typos and partial use of hypens]..see I did it right this time cause I'm not rushing to get my thoughts down.

Instead of picking on my Virgo rising sign & Virgo mars, I'll blame those recurring typing [blogging?] mistakes of mine on my triple Sagittarius placements.

LOL!!

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:31 PM

Still kinda off-topic:

I'mma blame the Virgo* in me for compelling me to say this about Megan's example of "Miss Suzy Had A Steamboat":

Using kids speak, I think that Megan 'messed up' some of the lines to that rhyme. Why? 'Cause the rhyming is 'messed up' with some of the lines [because of learning the rhyme "wrong" in the first place, or mishearing or misremembering or typos or other folk process reasons.

Here's where I think Megan got it "wrong"*

* based on the rhyming sequence but also on most other examples of this rhyme that I've read [my correction is hypenated:

"flys are in the meadows the bees are in their hives [the park], ms suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K "

"Brocolli makes you smell good, carrots help you say [see], bananas make you constipate and water makes you pee".


* "Virgo" is an astrology reference. People who have Virgo placement[s] are said to be obsessive about details. But you knew that, right?

:o)

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:16 PM

Off-Topic. Sorta

I was struck by Ferrara's comment that "The properly improper way to sing it, as Gargoyle said above, (this is a music hall song after all) is to hold that first syllable -- "the biggest Assss... pidistra in the world."

That comment reminded me of a sub-genre of children's rhymes in which the children pretend to avoid saying profanity or making other 'naughty' or bad references at the end of a line by using a very close substitute for that word or reference in the beginning of the next line.

One line that is widely used in these types of rhymes is "ask me no questions" [though, in children's rhymes I've seen in mostly as "ask me no more questions."] Of course, the word "ask" is a clear substitution for "ass" [meaning 'butt' meaning 'behind' meaning-oh, you know what I mean...]

By far what appears to be the most widely occurring example of this technique is found in "Miss Suzie Had a Steamboat" [which is also known as 'Miss Lucy', 'Miss Molly' or some other female name-'Had a Tugboat'].

"Miss Suzie had a Steamboat" appears to usually be recited while performing partner handclap routines. There are numerous versions of this rhyme. Here's one of my favorites:

"Ms. Suzy had a steamboat. The steamboat had a bell. Toot, toot!
The steamboat went to heaven. Ms. Suzy went to—
Hello operator, please give me number nine,
And if you disconnect me, ill chop of your—
Behind the 'fridgerator, there lay a piece of glass.
Ms. Suzy sat upon it and broke her little—
Ask me no more questions, tell me no more lies.
The boys are in the bathroom zipping up their—
Flies are in the meadows. The bees are in their hives.
Ms Suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K
D-A-R-K, dark, dark
Dark as in the movies, the movies like a show.
The show is like a TV screen and that is all I know.
I know my ma. I know I know my pa.
I know I know my sister with the 40-acre bra.
My mom gave me a penny. My dad gave me a dime.
My sister gave me a boyfriend, who kissed me all the time.
He made me wash the dishes. He made me scrub the floor.
He made me clean his underwear so I kicked him out the door.
I kicked him over London. I kicked him over France.
I kicked him over China, and stole his underpants.
Broccoli makes you smell good. Carrots help you say
Bananas make you constipate and water makes you pee.
My mother is a burglar. My father is a spy.
And I'm the little bugger that told the F.B.I.
Hello, operator. Please give me number 10,
And if you disconnect me, I'll sing this song again!!"

http://blog.oftheoctopuses.com/000518.php posted by megan at March 28, 2006

-snip-

Does this have anything to do with the Aspidistra reference?

Ask me no more questions. I'll tell you no more lies.

:o)

Azizi

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 09:25 PM

"Keep the Aspidistra Flying" I believe was a hysterically funny phrase of the time.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Boug
From: Ferrara
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 09:16 PM

Murray Callahan used to sing The Biggest Aspidistra in the World. The properly improper way to sing it, as Gargoyle said above, (this is a music hall song after all) is to hold that first syllable -- "the biggest Assss... pidistra in the world." They really were very popular plants in Victorian times.

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:52 PM

Correction: "are"="is"

Subject: RE: Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bough
From: Azizi
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:49 PM

That was interesting reading!

I think song parodies are [usually relatively "innocent"] fun.
And searching for or reading about the sources for them are fun too.

Thanks Joe and Gargoyle for finding that information, and thanks Guest for asking the question that started the search for that information.

-Azizi

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BIGGEST ASPIDISTRA IN THE WORLD
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 12:01 AM

THANK YOU - GUEST JOE!

That was an excellent lead - it could get "nailed" soon from your clarification.

FROM: Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
http://www.bbg.org/gar2/topics/indoor/1999wi_aspidistra.html

My first encounter with an aspidistra was an aural, not a visual one. It was an Appell family radio moment. We were listening to an archival recording of the legendary English singer Gracie Fields performing the tune that became her signature hit: "The Biggest Aspidistra in the World." She broke off the first syllable of "aspidistra" with such comic expertise that my parents were immediately roaring with laughter. When I asked my father what all the fuss was about, he replied, "Some kind of plant." Mmm?

Now recognition of the plant makes the song reference even more humorous.

It is perhaps, a parody of but no doubt reference to:


THE BIGGEST ASPIDISTRA IN THE WORLD
Sung by Gracie Fields
Melody - Will E. Haines, Jimmy Harper and Tommy Connor, 1938

For years we had an aspidistra in a flower pot
On the whatnot, near the 'atstand in the 'all
It didn't seem to grow 'til one day our brother Joe
Had a notion that he'd make it strong and tall

So he's crossed it with an acorn from an oak tree
And he's planted it against the garden wall
It shot up like a rocket, 'til it's nearly reached the sky
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world
We couldn't see the top of it, it got so bloomin' high
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world

When father's had a snoot full at his pub, 'The Bunch of Grapes'
He doesn't go all fighting mad and getting into scrapes
No, you'll find him in his bear-skin playing Tarzan of the apes
Off the biggest aspidistra in the world

We have to get it watered by the local fire brigade
So they put the water rates up half a crown
The roots stuff up the drains, grow along the country lanes
And they came up half a mile outside the town

Once we hired an auditorium for a hot house
But a jealous rival went and burnt it down
The tom cats and their sweethearts love to spend their evenings out
Up the biggest aspidistra in the world
They all begin meowing when the buds begin to sprout
From the biggest aspidistra in the world

The dogs all come around for miles, a lovely sight to see
They sniff around for hours and hours and wag their tails with glee
So I've had to put a notice up to say it's not a tree
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world-

ADDITIONAL LYRIC
http://ingeb.org/songs/foryears.html

It's getting worn and weary and its leaves are turning grey,
It's the oldest Aspidistra in the world.
So we water it with 'alf a pint of Guinness ev'ry day,
It's the stoutest Aspidistra in the world.
The Borough Council told us that we've got to chop it down;
It interferes with aeroplanes that fly above the town,
So we sold it to a woodyard for a lousy 'alf a crown.
It's the biggest Aspidistra in the world.


The Biggest Aspidistra in the World!

FROM Black and Grey Radio Propaganda.
http://libraryautomation.com/nymas/radioproppaper.htm#The_Biggest_Aspidistra_in_the_World!

If you ever listen to radio these days, you've probably heard 50,000 watts clear channel. Today, as in the 1940s, it is still the maximum power allowed a US radio station. But in 1941, the RCA Corporation in New Jersey built for WJZ a transmitter 10 times more powerful. When the Federal Communication Commission refused to lift its ceiling of 50,000 watts, the WJZ 500,000 watt transmitter was briefly orphaned. Until the British heard about it.

The transmitter was crated up, shipped to the UK and installed in bombproof headquarters in Sussex. They named it after a song sung by the English music hall entertainer, Gracie Fields: The Biggest Aspidistra in the World!

On the 8th November 1942, this radio transmitter briefly took part in the invasion of North Africa but then it became largely the property of the BBC and white propaganda.

Since Sefton Delmer and PSE had been a major force in obtaining it from the United States, they, of course, wanted to use it. By October, 1943, Delmer had a transmitter and a new station ready for prime time.

Its purpose was to broadcast propaganda to Europe, the majority of which was under German occupation.

Above all, Aspidistra allowed Delmer to broadcast loud and clear to ordinary radio sets all over Germany and German occupied Europe, including to Goebbels' People's Radios.


Nothing to do with the current thread, but found in the search.

BBC - WWII - Children's Lyric
FROM: BBC War Stories http://www.bbc.co.uk/ww2peopleswar/stories/91/a2049491.shtml

Sometimes we would sing a rude song that we knew, such as:

Matthew, Mark Luke and John
Went to bed with no clothes on.
In the middle of the night
John wan-ted to shite.
Shite, shite, shite, it must be done,
So out of the window poked his bum.
Willie Winkie passing by
Smelt the scent and looked up high,
Crash Bang Wallop came the dollop,
Right in Willie Winkie's eye!

Sincerely,
GARGOYLE

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bou
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 08:59 PM

Perhaps it was an aspidistra?

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: Science is a way of trying not to fool ourselves. :||

Subject: Lyr Req: Hang Ol Hitler From the Very Highest Bou
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 05:28 PM

We Will Hang Ol' Hitler From the Very Highest Bough of the Biggest Aberjapcus (sic?) in the World.

Heard many, many years ago on Dr. Demento - He explained that an Aberjapcus (sic?) was a common "parlor plant" from the 1920-30's.

Have spent hours looking for this:

Tried multiple Dr. Dimento's Discography's of radio shows - no luck.

Tried "Spike Jones" - no luck.

Tried various lyric servers, google, yahoo etc. - no luck.

You did so well on that last one Wolfgang - give this a try.