BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Slag
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 04:36 PM

Tell 'em Willy Boy's here.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: robomatic
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 03:39 PM

From The Scofflaws:

*** William Shatner ***

He got a fine tan shirt with an emblem on the chest,
the interstellar girls all like him the best.

Captain of the crew and he knows kung fu
and he did Joan Collins in 1932.

Really just an actor and a genius to boot,
he never gets to fire when the enemy shoots.

Ends each show looking neat and clean
after staring down the barrel of the Doomsday Machine.

I really like the one where he reads the Constitution
after ending all the fighting in the future revolution.

William (Shatner!)
William (Shatner!)
William (Shatner!)
William...

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 02:32 PM

The sheep, as you put it Janie, is not "someone he loved" -- it is clear that it is a ram. The love object must have been the swing set.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Janie
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 02:00 PM

The sheep is obviously quite angry that the swing keeps coming back for more....

Sort of the way some people feel about ol'Bill. Maybe that's why the video came up when I googled William Shatner?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 01:35 PM

The sheep is obviously quite angry that the swing keeps coming back for more, and has no intention of backing down. How the swing feels about the matter is not clear.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 01:18 PM

RAM bo! Do my eyes deceive me, or was that Scotty in the sheepskin?
G.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 01:06 PM

LOL! I wonder who won the final round?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Janie
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 12:28 PM

Some one he loved, on learning of WS's tragic demise.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 11:27 AM

Comedy Central has leaked a bit of the ending where the Boulder police show up and arrest him in connection with the JonBenet Ramsey case. I have always known Shatner was a preeevert...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Jeri
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 10:57 AM

SINS, I've seen the previews, and it looks like it's going to be great. There's that line about what the previous roast of Pamela Anderson and Shat's have in common: neither can act, but they both have big boobs. I think they're being nice to Little Hawk, as he doesn't have a TV.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 10:20 AM

I can't bring myself to start another Shat thread but am amazed that no one (read: Little Hawk) is salivating at the prospect of Sunday's Roast on Comedy Central.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 03:07 PM

Thanks, Amos. It's always fun watching Leonard and Bill pick on each other like that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: GUEST,Neftig
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 02:59 PM

WHOOOOOMP!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: MMario
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 02:44 PM

damn - I fall for this every time.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 02:42 PM

Yep...Shatner's feet held to the fire! Maybe Scottie can beam him somewhere safe.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 02:16 PM

Here ya go, LH. Comedy Central is offering a Roast Of the Ghost of Shatner.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 06 - 12:01 AM

That is unquestionably an excellent quote from Jack London, Amos. Impressive.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Slag
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 04:16 PM

So.......How many Klingons do you want?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 11:06 AM

There are those who claim that William Shatner died the first time he stepped in front of a television camera. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 06 - 12:04 AM

Whereas, at the WSSBA, you find those who never burned at all....


Let me offer you this fine quote from a REAL mentor, Mister Jack London, American author:

I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather
That my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
Than it should be stifled by dryrot.

I would rather be a splendid meteor,
Every atom of me in magnificent glow,
Than a sleepy and permanent planet.

The proper function of mankind is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."


A simple sentiment, but far beyond the ken of your sleepy-planet hero.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 07:36 PM

You should be well aware, Amos, that those who don't know the difference NEVER surrender! Like the Jews at Masada... Like the Japanese on Iwo Jima... Like the SS in the ruins of Berlin...

Or as Neil Young put it: "It's better to burn out than to fade away."

And that's why you find a lot of burnouts at the NYCFTTS.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 06:42 PM

Nothing harder to read than a thoroughly stunned document.


The problem you are going to have, Shatmerites, is the same basic problem Shatner has. Your phasers, which have set to eviscerate, are imaginary, while our guts are quite real. Not knowing the difference, you may as well surrender now.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 06:34 PM

Got my laser printer set to stun.... shame it won't print my bloody documents out!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 01:26 PM

Ha! The battle lines are drawn! Now that you filthy Anti-Shatnerites have come out into the open we shall expunge you UTTERLY! Phasers shall be set on "eviscerate".

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 01:15 PM

MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Superiors? Oh, little Little Hawk, you wot not whereof you speak!! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!! Shatner and all his followers will be as DUST under the wheels of our triumphant chariots!! DUST!! DUST!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 12:52 PM

Heh! A wise choice, Liz. ;-) Anti-Shatnerite types are drawn irrestistibly to the Great Flame that is the talent and persona of William Shatner. They can't stay away. Like moths, they hasten to their doom.

(...that oughta bring 'em out of the woodwork, foaming at the mouth...)

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 12:49 PM

When I find someone superior to me I'll not mess with them!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 12:46 PM

I see that the Anti-Shatnerite forces, led by their deranged Uber-Commandant Amos, are stirring again. An ugly spectacle! When will they "get a life" and learn not to mess with their superiors?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: jacqui.c
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 07:36 AM

No Liz - Pavarotti outbid everyone else for it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 04:30 AM

I suspect it wouldn't be just my lapels that were opening.....

Is his corset going to be sent to the Museum of the Moving Image, or the Science Museum?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: 282RA
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 08:42 PM

If a Vulcan was dying in front of you, believe me, you'd be opening and closing your lapels too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: jacqui.c
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:39 PM

Sins - it's a bit like Bush having the remote control under his jacket to keep him on course. Shatner had his words on the lapels, and the directions for facial expressions as well.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:23 PM

This is as good a place as any to ask: in that movie where Spock is dying of an overdose of radiation or whatever, why does Kirk keep opening and closing his lapels as he watched Spock die. And how does he manage to do it and emote at the same time?

Jacqui - that thing is an embalmed tribble. Not to worry. It's days were over many years ago. Couldn't you tell?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Ebbie
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:05 PM

Ah but Jacqui, he can afford his own cardboard box.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: jacqui.c
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 09:00 AM

'(William Shatner himself has always made me smile. He's like the guy down the street.)'

Ebbie - did you mean the old guy who sleeps in the cardboard box?

What I want to know is, if the beloved Shatner is Daid, has anyone rescued that poor little animal he kept prisoner on his head?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: mack/misophist
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 08:17 AM

"Poor Bill he's daid
Bill Shatner is daid.
See him liein'
Quiet and serene,
   And serene,

Poor Bill he's daid.
Bill Shatner is daid.
And his fingernails
Ain't never been so clean
   Been so clean."

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 07:13 AM

Well why not.. Rigor Mortis set in years and years ago!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 04:50 AM

Regrettably the fat Canuck fraud is not deceased, but merely over here in the UK [not I hope oversexed and overpaid] doing adverts for breakfast cereals. Which when you think of how much like woodchip some cereals are and how wooden Willie's acting is, it's a bit like selling your own children.
Yes sireee Bob "Try Shatners Shucked Shreddies, they're a chip off the old block"
Yup when old Billy Shatner goes for a pee, he calls it hangin' out his shingle, yee haw!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: JennyO
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:04 AM

Well I nearly shat myself when I read this thread title! Tragic, eh?

The thought came to me (probably long overdue) that this thread is a perfect example of why it would be a shame for BS to become members only. Or not. Depending on your point of view.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 11:18 PM

The title 'Tragic, Overdue Death' made me smile. But notice how different its mood when you say 'Overdue Tragic Death'. :) Poor Bill. Poor LH. Poor Bill is daid.

(William Shatner himself has always made me smile. He's like the guy down the street.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 10:48 PM

He IS dead...maybe

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 10:11 PM

Extenuating circumstances coerce me to preclude you from such a
bauble of extravance.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:52 PM

Free William Shatner Rapaire?? Has he been Baker Acted aslo? Can they Baker Act deceased and temporarily crazed people in Canada?

Where is Harg?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:36 PM

S' awright, s'awright, old companion-in-blues. No skin off my nose atall. Now, that writer fella, he seemed quite steamed, so I would advise Missus PennyBristches to lie low for a while and keep her odors to herself a bit, lest she find herself unkindly stretched at law. But, me, I don't have no problem, as I ain't got a dog in the fight.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM

Amos, old buddy, I must apologize to you for the hijacking of your newsworthy thread regarding the passing of Kirk Colbain. Ms. Rutabadger is apparently unable to resist flaunting her old flabby backside in my face, hoping against hope that I'll reach up and pinch it. You know the long awful history between she and myself and I hope you will find it in your kind heart to forgive her. I can't do it, but you are better adjusted than I am. This I know from your fulltime involvement with MOAB.

And where is poor Harg? Has his family Baker Acted him. Do they Baker Act temporarily unstable people in Canada?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:30 PM

Free William Shatner Ringtones are being advertised at the bottom at the moment. And a WS DVD Club!

What more could anyone ask from the undead? Ringtones and a club to beat his DVDs with.

My cup runneth over.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:22 PM

Hey, the "PM" links to posters have been de-mobbed!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: GUEST,J.B. Penworthy
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 08:23 PM

Your scurrilous remarks have been noted, madame, and although I am sure you meant them only as the kind of idle and witless gossip in which you are so well versed, and not as the malicious defamations which they will readily be interpreted to be in any court of law, I am obliged to advise you that they should cease forthwith, to avoid such a gruesome eventuality and its expensive sequelae.

With kindest regards,

James Benjamin Penworthy, Esquire

as advised by

Donaldson and Murray, Attorneys at Law
"If we bring you a suit, you won't find one of your own"
Catering to the Contentious And Their Usual Targets Throughout the English-Speaking World

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 07:55 PM

Now, Tweeeeed... Don't back out of it. You said "kill me now and shoot my remains into the stratosphere", didn't you? Well? I think it's a splendid idea, a simply ripping idea whose time has come! I'm all for it. As for that overweight fellow, Mr Shatner, it is my understanding that he is not dead at all. It's just Amos engaging in one of his obessions, that's all. This J.B. Penworthy, after all, is a hack writer, a gossip columnist with a poison pen. He reminds me of England's own Hector Ballsworthy, he of the Independent Press, always raving on about space aliens, and demonically possessed children in the Cotswolds, and lizard people among us, for heaven's sake! The man is simply desperate for attention. I think that may be Mr Penworthy's problem as well.

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 07:41 PM

WHile it is understandable that our dearly beloved Liddle Harg would be in a state resembling Egyptian river water about this sad situation, I can confirm from personal certainty that he is no longer on the list, if he was ever on it, of actual actors living on planet Earth today.

As for Dutch Elm, it is possible.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 07:37 PM

OK...so I didn't actually bite...just nibble. Bobber still afloat.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 06:57 PM

Yaz Giok, she is a smartass from way back. Always stalking my every move, even to the point of harassing my perfectly serious post regarding the death of William T. Kirkner. She is unscrupulous and aslo completely devoid of scuppers.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 06:48 PM

I believe Penny has a very smart ass!

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 06:45 PM

Dear P.R.
Get stuffed you toothless old wench. This is a funerary thread for god's sake. Have you no couth nor upbringing at all? Phaw!! What a dumbass question....

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 06:43 PM

At last, Tweed, you are talking good sense instead of rot! Please forward your current address so I can tell them where to find you.

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 06:39 PM

Yes of course it's true Sorch. Do you not notice the blaring absence of Liddle Harg who is no doubt searching CheapTickets for fares to Rigel 10.
Little Hawk, if you're out there brother, we feel yore pain.

{{{{{{{HUGGGGSSS}}}}}}}}

My god I am such a friggin' asshole..I did a hug thingy...kill me now and shoot my remains into the stratosphere.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 06:37 PM

Not a chance, Bub. Unlike Jimmy Hoffa, Shatner is still alive. Maybe not kickin', but he's still alive. I wish I was earnin' his paycheck. I would buy a treehouse in Washington State, overlookin' a real nice forested area, retire, and just kick back for awhile. Then maybe I'd take up the search for Bigfoot, just so I could have a hobby and meet some fellow primates. Yeah. That'd be a cool thing to do.

Boy, I gotta go out and rent the last season of "Boston Legal". That show kicks ass!

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 06:14 PM

Sorry...I've been scammed too many times..is this really true?

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: David C. Carter
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 05:38 PM

Beam me up Snotty!

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 05:34 PM

Get Thou a Life!

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 05:26 PM

He's gone to join his old friend Dr Schmock!
G

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 05:22 PM

Yeah! Let's put on a fundraiser for da man. He'll be feeling quite himself again very soon. Debt is a draining thing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 05:01 PM

oh, my! He could easily overcome that with...........wait...death.....oh..thought you said DEBT!

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 04:54 PM

Awwwwwwww

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Peace
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 04:50 PM

A picture worth a thousand words . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Slag
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 04:47 PM

Did anyone ever notice the similarity between Shatner's emoting and the great Daffy Duck bit in a Zoot Suit? If Bill could have just half the dimension of the Duck...

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 04:43 PM

Will someone please make the trek to Little Hawk's abode and hold his hand? 'Preciate it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 04:05 PM

Was it Dutch Elm Disease? Dutch Elm
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: GUEST,Nomad
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:54 PM

I will ananlyze. A N A L Y Z E! AAAAAANNNNNAAAALLLLYYYYYZZZZZEEEE!!!!

Subject: BS: The Tragic, Overdue Death of Wm Shatner
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:50 PM

"We regret to report that Mister William Shatner has experienced a tragic but long-overdue encounter with the Grim Reaper, the one alien force he could not overcome, and has been eliminated from the ranks of living, breathing, walking actors on the face of the Earth.

Over the years his existence among those ranks was often hotly debated, as his talents were extremely thin and marginal. Fortunately, he was able to survive for long periods by consuming his own excess body fats.

Mister Shatner's absence from the roll of living actors was first noticed by members of his fan club who, having spent a week away from their computers while on vacation with some responsible elders, were reportedly found "coming to their senses" and realizing that their revered figurehead was hollow, and devoid of ability.

Experts have since confirmed these observations and his absence from those rolls has been deemed official."

J.B. Penworthy, writing in the current edition of Screen Vogue magazine.