BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 09:40 AM

I've had the cream and it seemed to do the trick. There was an old wives tale that said piles were caused by sitting too long on cold things, is there any truth in this?

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 09:13 PM

Doc...

I went to Sloppy Drug Mart almost directly after the surgery and got the pain thrllers the doc prescribed, as I reported earlier in the thread, as I was anticipating the pain the doc said I would endure. I never took any. Didn't need em. I guess I had a friendly hroid.

Froggy... I ain't bleedin... for near five days now.. but I am still not hopping aboutst yet.

Still an arsehole, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 06:19 PM

'as anyone 'eard from that bleedin' arsehole in Moncton today?

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 03:45 PM

Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy..


Yeah, the last elections!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: GUEST,Doc John
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 06:15 AM

I had surgery on mine over ten years ago; afterwards it was like crapping red hot razor blades. The problem is that the stronger pain killers cause constipation (not good post-op) and the every days ones just don't work. Alcohol's the answer; not applied locally of course. In a proportion of case they do return.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: David C. Carter
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 02:38 PM

Garlic is not an old wives tale.

Over here in France a lot of people swear by it.

I have familly and friends in what used to be the Old Jugoslavia,country people who don't have access to meds,for whatever reason.It's not something we spend our time talking about,but stuff comes up occassionally.LOL.
BEANS and CABBAGE are right out,along with booze and spicey foods.

NEVER TRUST A FART!!

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 02:14 PM

A tip... until you are COMPLETELY healed, do NOT make a big boiled smoked ham dinner with spuds, carrots, green BEANS and CABBAGE.

Never woke myself up in the middle of the night by farting before. OUCH!... OUCH!... OUCH!

Subject: Lyr Add: RING OF FIRE (parody by Laryingospasms)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 12:22 PM

RING OF FIRE
As sung by The Laryngospasms

1. My 'rhoids were gettin' out o' hand,
So I went to see the procto-man.
He said it was no big deal,
A little snip I would hardly feel.

CHORUS: But I woke up with a burnin' ring of fire.
Now I can't sit down 'cause my butt's on fire.
And it burns, burn, burns, the ring of fire,
The ring of fire.

2. He cut, then he cut some more.
Man, my ass is sore.
I'm avoidin' the toilet seat.
Haven't gone in at least a week.

CHORUS: I woke up....

3. You would think, for an extra fee,
He would throw in a colostomy.
When I go, it'll burn like hell,
Like love in a prison cell.

CHORUS TWICE


[This is one of the songs that play automatically at the above web site. There are several more. The Laryingospasms are a group of anesthesiologists, and all their songs seem to be parodies of old popular songs, with new medical-related lyrics.]

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 02:45 PM

Thanks Sev. Not being able to do much is a pain in the ass.

The blood flow has reduced greatly so I'll get my ass in gear with a few weeks and be able to get some shit done without being hassled.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: Severn
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 02:33 PM

Gnu, I'm sorry, but you've just reached that Hemmor Age.

"If I had a Hemmor, I'd hemmor until mourning...."

(Sorry, that was a "Rhoidian Slip").....

Seriously, I hope your hemmoriods are behind you soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 10 - 03:48 PM

Curling is on now. Check CBC for the semi tonight and the games for tomorrow.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: ragdall
Date: 06 Nov 10 - 03:38 PM

rags... ya watchin the curling?

Don't I have to wait until 6:00 pm Pacific for that?

Unfortunately, my son's family is coming in from the Fort for the night and expect me to serve them dinner at about that time. The dinner room is upstairs, the TV is in the basement. I think that my absence might be noticed? Also I doubt that I can convince three young children that curling is more interesting than cartoons so tonight might be a miss. When is the next curling broadcast?

Thanks,
rags

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 10 - 03:27 PM

Garlic... sounds like an old wives' tail.

rags... ya watchin the curling?

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: ragdall
Date: 06 Nov 10 - 03:19 PM

At my local wattering hole, a French geezer said he'd had asteroids and had been told to eat lots of garlic.

This reminded me that years ago a very prim and proper acquaintance told of hearing that a cure for rhoids was sleeping with a clove of garlic inserted in the location. Sorry, I missed the part about the effectiveness of this treatment, I was laughing too hard at the visual this evoked.

If anyone would be kind enough to give it a try and let us know the results, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks,
rags

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 10 - 01:50 PM

Gee... not being able to do any physical activity except slow half hour walks is boring. I've just been arsing around the house since yesterday morn.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: David C. Carter
Date: 06 Nov 10 - 07:49 AM

At my local wattering hole, a French geezer said he'd had asteroids and had been told to eat lots of garlic.It cured him,so he says,but his friends steared well clear of him for a while.His love life took a dive as well.

Bob Dylema.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 10 - 07:19 AM

Thanks all.

No pain. Well, a twinge now and then.

rags... no. I don't think she could connect the clues. She actually picked up two trays and filed those prescriptions with the other completed ones - mine was beside the two she picked up. That's when I coughed.

The nurse had told me to eat fruit and green vegetables, take Metamucil and drink LOTS of water. She stressed the importance of this by adding that my first bowel movement would feel like I was "tearing my insides out". No pain at all. Of course, it could be because I ate fruit, green veggies, Campbell's vegetable soup, half doses of Metamucil and then, at about 8PM inhaled a half a 12 with the works from Vito's and a couple Buds.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Nov 10 - 11:15 PM

gnu...hope you heal fast and well and give yerself a pat on the back for boldly going where none of us, in the threads at least, has gone before. You are like Katie Couric having a probe up her arse on tv to encourage us all to have colonoscopies. I think you should be compensated as much as she..don't know her salary but you have earned it!**bg**

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: ragdall
Date: 05 Nov 10 - 10:37 PM

gnu,
I'm glad that it went well. I hope it heals quickly.

Did the little girl at the pharmacy give you a look when you brought the sanitary napkins to pay for them?

rags

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: Leadfingers
Date: 05 Nov 10 - 10:30 PM

Hope you had a good nights sleep Gnu !!

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: Leadfingers
Date: 05 Nov 10 - 10:23 PM

Mate of mine was in Cornwall - Made a comment to a local about 'visitors' - Emmetts or Grockels ?? Local says " No ! We call them Haemerroids , 'cos they come down in bunches . turn red and are a pain in the arse !"

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: maeve
Date: 05 Nov 10 - 02:57 PM

Feel much better soon, gnu.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 05 Nov 10 - 02:50 PM

Almost 5 hours and no pain to speak of. Although, I do stand up to cough.

Advice for those told they are gonna have one... er, not have one as the case in point.

After it was done, certain things were told to me which should have been told to me BEFORE the surgery...

Get the doc to give you the prescription for pain killers BEFORE the surgery. Driving to the drug store and asking the little girl who takes the prescription if it can be speeded up because you just had surgery, you are bleeding and you don't know when the freezing is coming out doesn't help when she has to deal with more than one customer at a time... I am thankful she wasn't chewing gum or I would still be there. It was only when I coughed loudly that she went to check and found the pain meds sitting in a tray which I had been eying for FIVE MINUTES! grrrrrrrr

Get sterile gauze pads (4"X4"), sanitary napkins, diapers, fruit, green veggies, fruit juices, metamucil, Polysporin (antiseptic salve), suppositories, Sitz bath, epsom salts, baby wipes, and iodine BEFORE the surgery. You may not need them all, but... wait for it... yeeeessss... cover yer ass!

Oh yeah, I called Mum earlier to let her know how things were going. It's a rainy and windy day and she can't get outside for a walk. I asked her if she was getting bored. She said she was just watching TV and puttering and then asked me if I was bored. I replied that I was doing much the same thing... just arsin around.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 05 Nov 10 - 11:14 AM

Why, yes, I have, at 10:20 AM...

Doc and nurse enter. Small talk. Doc washed the blood away (it's been bleeding a few days, which actually hepled relieve the pressure and thus eased the pain) and cleansed the area. He said he was going to do the freezing, which is the usually the most painful part. The nurse said, "You can grab the side of the table if you want." I did, tightly.

About twenty seconds later he asked me how I was doing. I asked, " Did you start yet?" and the nurse looked at me, surprised. Shortly, the doc said the freezing was alomost done... I felt nothing.

He cut. I felt nothing. He squeezed I felt nothing. He "poked and squeezed" which was slightly more uncomfortable than a prostate exam.

I was handed a sanitary napkin and instructed how to use it. I got dressed as the doc was leaving. As I was leaving, I said to the nurses in the hallway, "Well, it's been a slice, thanks." Always leave em laughing.

It's been 1:40h since the freezing and I don't have much pain but the doc gave me a prescription for Tylenol 3, so..... we'll see.

Whack a blood though.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 12:47 AM

Yeah, We had a Pelosi removed....it felt great!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: ragdall
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 10:00 PM

Looks as if there are not many at Mudcat who are still perfect assholes? Er.. I meant "have", not "are". Yeah that was what I meant.

Making this a music thread, I've been humming the song "Colorectal Surgeon" by Bowser & Blue, which, if you are so inclined, you can watch Bowser & Blue perform on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_43f9RzAqMM"

rags

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 05:37 PM

Occasionally, increased pressure on external hemorrhoids causes them to break and bleed. This causes a lump (thrombosed, or clotted, hemorrhoid) to form. You may suffer from severe pain at the site of the clotted hemorrhoid.

A procedure to relieve the pain can be performed in a health professional's office or outpatient clinic. The health professional applies local anesthesia and then makes a small incision where the lump has occurred to remove the clot and reduce pressure and pain. The procedure works best if it is done less than 4 or 5 days after the clot has formed.

If the pain is tolerable, you may choose to wait to see a health professional. The pain usually goes away in a few days. After 4 or 5 days, the pain from cutting and draining the hemorrhoid is usually worse than the pain from the clot.
****************************************************************

WHAT? No, really? Noooooo. NOOOO! Aggggghhhhhh!

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 02:13 PM

Dot... ain't gonna work if there is a blood clot. Only way is a slice and dice.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 01:46 PM

I'll report the findings of my study of the procedure this Friday, hopefully.

Saw my family doc this AM. Told him what the walk-in clinic doc said. He asked, "He really said that?" "Yup, he did."

Same deal but my doc put on TWO gloves. He's thorough, that guy. When I spread them he said, "Oh my goodness." and I took to laughing, along with him.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 07:17 PM

That last was me. Getting computer to behave?? or something...

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 06:41 PM

In 1977 I was having trouble walking properly. The surgeon said we should operate but my dad had that done in '56 and said it was the worst thing ever and really was not totally OK. I went to Adele Davis - YES, I did! Vitamins E and B6 and watch the diet more carefully. No problem since. Colonoscopy a few years ago was clean as a .... whatever!

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 04:07 AM

I wnet in expecting a consultation about surgery. The doctor pointed out that the risks of surgery outweighed the danger of my condition and said he could tie them off which he proceeded to do before I realised he wasn't going to sedate me or even use anaesthetic gel. I waled out of that office in quite a different manner.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 12:30 AM

This is an old thread. It should be noted that Joe Offer has done a few hemorrhoidectomies over the years here at Mudcat. Got rid of several pains in the arse.    ;-D

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: BK Lick
Date: 30 Oct 10 - 10:39 PM

I'd recommend trying this approach before considering surgery.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 30 Oct 10 - 01:28 PM

I did come up with a name... Hemerrogue.

Yes, Hemi was the obvious one. But, even tho it does denote large and powwerful, it would not do this guy justice. To wit, I had thought of Pingpong.

Yeah, I know, WTMI.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 30 Oct 10 - 12:57 PM

WWWWWTMI

I went to the walk-in clinic. Gave buddy a quick history. He put on the glove and dipped the Vaseline. I dropped, bent and spread. He said, "Oh my goodness. You can put your pants back on."

Now, at that point, I was thankful he toof off the glove but I also became a tad concerned. Quite the bedside manner, eh? I got a steroid salve for three imes a day after a hot soak. If no results my Monday, revisit and a little carving may be required.

Told ya.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 07:41 PM

Misread-- strokebrain

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: Jeri
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 06:36 PM

I'd be very surprised if pbn were still interested in this thread after 4 years. I sincerely hope the H-rhoid is long since ectomized!

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 06:19 PM

Pbn, I hope you noticed none of this toidy humor came till you indicated you'd gottem the info you needed. No harm meant.

Shame on 'nu, Gnu! :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: Ed T
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 06:15 PM

I found this funny.

all-i-want-for-christmas-is-a-hemorrhoidectomy

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 05:07 PM

Butt... you assked.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 05:00 PM

AND... I got nothin better to do. SOB!

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 05:00 PM

Spaw, was it Crack Creme or Buttpaste?

Gnu-- TMFI! WTMFI!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 04:59 PM

I got a new little buddy.
Don't gimmie no smiles.
I got a new little buddy.
This buddy is vile.

I got a new little buddy.
He makes me ache.
I got a new little buddy.
Gotta get some me H.

I got a new little buddy.
And I'm feeling blue.
I got a new little buddy.
And he looks blue too.

I got a new little buddy.
I'm feelin sorry for him.
I got a new little buddy.
Doc's gonna give him a trim.

I got a new little buddy.
Doc says just relax.
I got a new little buddy.
DOC THAT FEELS LIKE AN AXE!

HEY... it's FRIDAY night.

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: GUEST,Bruce Michael Baillie
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 04:41 PM

...No but I once wrote a song called 'Haemorroids? I've got piles of 'em?', about a friend of mine who had, his name is Ke.... well maybe I'd better not tell you? The chorus goes:

They're hurting, they're hurting,
me piles are killing me,
I'll have to go to t'doctors and let him have see,
They're hung down like a bunch o' grapes it's driving me deranged,
excuse me while I go and give me underpants a change!

if anybody wants the words...

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: olddude
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 03:00 PM

can't stop laughing GnU

Hey my brother had them something terrible, anyway the butt doctor gave him a prescription cream that the pharmacy mixed up ... they cleared right up ... I will find out what it is called and post it for you ...

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 02:24 PM

~S~... help.

Wednesday, I had too little beer and toooo much home made coleslaw which contained mainly cabbage - over half a cabbage. And cereal, fruit, whole wheat bread, etc. REALLY fucking healthy stuff. Wednesday morning, after, you know, I worked on replacing a door sill and doorsweep AND the pavement was cold. Two hours of up and down and squating and sitting and laying on my side and the very last time I stood up... SOB!

When you google hammerheads lots of "interesting" stuff comes up.

Well... you asked.

BTW... that donut thingy... webmd.com and all the other medical sites say nope.

It even hurts to laugh, which wasn't any fun when I was thinking of names for my new buddy in the middle of the night.

Hey.... olddude... there's a song there... Hammerhead Blues.

I got a new little buddy.
Where the sun don't shine.
I got a new little buddy.
But he ain't no friend of mine.

I got a new little buddy.
Follows me around.
I got a new little buddy.
Now I can't even go to town.

I got a new little buddy.
But every time I sit down.
My new little buddy.
Really makes me frooooown.

I got a new little buddy.....

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 12:58 PM

Gnu,

1) What were you looking FOR in that YouTube search?!?!?
2) Does he use the tool directly on the 'hhroids at the end? Cuz it looks to me like he could.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 12:06 PM

Well a friend of mine, now dead, told me that the follow-up was embarassing. It involved cones of increasing diameters. I leave the rest to your imagination, but they wouldn't let her out till she got to the last and largest :(

Subject: RE: BS: Ever had a hemorrhoidectomy
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 11:46 AM

HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Good one BILL!