BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 05:47 PM

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,

Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.

The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,

They say I owe taxes--if that ain't funny

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits

They want the impossible--Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,

They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,

I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

Merry Christmas
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Selchie's SS
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 06:15 PM

My dear little merperson you maybe should stop badgering me. Did you enjoy Bedworth? I was looking at your list only today and wondering a couple of things about you and your hobbies.

If you do floristry have you got a lot of books about it? Have you ever had a go at making silk flowers to go on your hat? You like silver - do you have cute little holes in your ears to hang things from?

I agree that before long the Mummers will be out at the correct time of year. Alas I am no longer part of a mumming team even though I understand there is one in our town. Maybe in the future ..... although as you say this time of year IS somewhat busy. Hope Shakespeare are looking after you.

I shall hopefully be celebrating the season at the seaside on the 21st instead of the 25th (though that is kept too!). Some of us have been around longer than the Christians.

Honest you WILL get some sort of a delivery but when it turns up I cannot be certain (depends on when I find things you would REALLY like and get them in the post). Until then carry on being good - or I will know!

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 08:35 AM

A 20' fibreglass lobster! Just exactly what I wanted.

We may not be home on Christmas Day but you could leave it in the yard of my good friend SINSULL - I'm sure she wouldn't mind it keeping the headless Jesus company..........

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Jacqui's SS
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 08:31 AM

Bugger, sent it to the wrong Scarborough! Getting a 20' fibreglass lobster exported to the old country was challenging enough, getting it returned to sender was a real shock. Guess I'll just deliver it over myself, you in on Christmas Day, honey?

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Selchie - (RH)
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 07:11 AM

My RS Santa's not around on here anymore. I suppose it's a very busy time for Santa & his/her helpers. So I'll be very, very patient & extra specially good. I might even sing a song or two. (Sigh)

If only I could find a few more clues of my Really Superb Santa ~ Wherefore art thou Santa? Working hard for Christmas, packing, delivering? Or partying?   The Mummers will soon be about, the festive season's nearly here.

In patient anticipation.

Rosie S xx

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Joybell
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 04:32 PM

Ohhhhhhhh! Santa. Hmmm? Feeding Rudolph Haggis, again? And waves! I love waves. I could easily find a place for some caught waves.

So Santa, unless you are doing the double trickery thing - you probably aren't Scottish. Do you wear a tartan of red herrings, I wonder? Waves, red herrings, sea-side, Haggis on a stick melting in the Winter sun?
I'm so glad you like to play.
Being especially good. Joy of the Bells.

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: jacqui.c
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 12:09 PM

Not guilty this time Mary - I'm as much in the dark as you are although that laugh does seem familiar.....

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,SINSULL's Serendipitously Silly Santa
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 11:59 AM

MWUHAHAHAHA HA HA HA

Guess again!

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Dusty's Secret Santa
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 11:57 AM

I keep trying, but I'm sorely puzzled: a cryptogram about Woody Guthrie, perhaps? Ah well, I'll keep on looking...the next card may contain a clue, or maybe it won't. At least one word of your verse is right on, by the way.

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 11:35 AM

HMMMMMM A Maine postmarked postcard with silly pictures of Van Gogh. Jacqui has been up to no good, hasn't she?

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,MeganL Secret Santa
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 11:32 AM

Ah......Meg that was a lovely wee verse.

I might put something in the post to give you another clue, but it will have to go tomorrow as I've missed the post,

PS I'm not from Japan

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Joybells SS
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 05:47 AM

Sorry, been busy with the raindeer, Rudolph had a dodgy tummy, but he is better now. Still packing your prezzie.
Hmmmm clues, clues, clues.....
Well I am a big fan of Haggis and tartan! However I also like catching some waves, and lying in the sun. hee hee hee.

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Megan L
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 05:41 AM

weel santa ive been thinking
aboot this wheen o clues
i've spiered fowk fur the answer
but it didny bring guid news

some said ye wir in England
someone even said Japan
but i couldny find a eastern catter
so i guess that they wir wrang

the wans i think might ken ye
are as big a tease as you
they'll no say wha they think ye ur
so noo ahm feelin blue

I'm gonny hae tae spend some time
lukin back at aw yer clues
tae see if i kin catch ye
then it'll mak the mudcat news.


Meg

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: JennieG
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 05:03 AM

Hello Santa.....I've been very very good.......I am trying to be even better........yoo hoo Santa! are you there? Santa?

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: dusty rhodes
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 06:55 PM

Another day another postcard....
Santa certainly gets around....
Oh where for art thou , secret santa....

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,My Guru's Surry-alistic Shelf-Elf
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 06:29 PM

Dear Goo-said,

Glad to see you're back in town. Sorry I had to leave you abruptly in the last post, but my food arrived, and I have a hard time currying your favor and favoring my curry at the same time. They were a bit late in letting us in and in filling orders, as well, and I was famished.

Murray's Surry Curry-In-A-Hurry is rather like Santa's delivery slieghs in that the Bombay Doors don't always open on time. A lot of re-dos. I was actually a Delivery Sled-Elf once, but never again! The only good thing was the Flexible Flier Miles we were awarded.

We do have our secret means of travel which I'm not allowed to reveal, but none even as up to date as Harry Potter, Dr. Who, or even Bill & Ted or the guy in "Back To The Future", and our Union leader Jimmy Half-a (or Half Pint), as much as we look up to him, has not been able to get us an upgrade. So that's why I had to escape from that library like I did.

That's not the first time you "put me on the shelf", so to speak. If you remember one time when you were shopping recently and somebody sneezed and you were looking around to see who was being blessed? Well, it was me up on a shelf standing stock still among some dusty stuffed toys, and I almost gave myself away. I also almost got bought, but that's another story for another time.

And speaking of being put on the shelf, the night I got locked in the Library was the night I was finally supposed to hook up with the beautiful but s'elf centered Meemyse Elf at last to go to the Billy Barty Film Festival in London, but she felt I stood her up. When last I saw her, she was in the company of that gnome, Chompsky. I'd read in a thread they'd said he was dead, but instead....Oh well!

So I guess this weekend I will go to Murray's on a live music night, check out the local action and maybe try to get a gig for our band, tenatively called S'elf Expression for the time being, at least.

I'm glad you've gotten over talking to yourself at the computer, hoping that Santa will be solved and hopefully, I'll be absolved. You might have more aliases than even The Boss.

More presents are being gathered and even possibly one to open early, but that's still in the planning stages. Your big package will have a theme, but I'm not at liberty to hum a few bars of it for you yet.

As always at this time of year, watch this space.

Your Own Scout-Elf,
Elfish Pressently

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Snoozing Santa to the Marvellous Maeve
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 04:45 PM

Well, my dear Santee, your parcel has been handed over to the 'SlowGnome' section of the Fantastic Seasonal Messengers and this Santa is snoozing over a long-deserved glass of Ginger Wine. As I understand it, the SlowGnomes have a reputation of arriving late, so I just hope that they can set up a few more galley slaves so you can open your parcel at the right time, but my apologies if the correct date is missed. Rest assured that it is on it's way to you and I just hope that the documentation passes muster. I shall be keeping my fingers crossed! HoHoHo....

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Barb'ry
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 02:29 PM

Saaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnntttttttaaaaaaaaaaa! Where are you? I hope you haven't drowned on your long sea voyage - well, not before you posted my pressie :-)
ps I have been very good all year and have only told lies once!

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Artbrooks SS
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 12:26 PM

Well hello Artbrooks
Your parcel should be aboard a shiny reindeer towed travelling device and about to touch down on yon far shores. Now, when you get it DON'T OPEN IT TILL CHRISTMAS DAY ok? COS I'LL KNOW IF YOU DO! Also, my stupid elf helpers forgot to wrap one bit so it's just inside the package and you would see it and SPOIL THE SURPRISE!
Anyway, continue to be good as I have spies everywhere - although I have removed the one in your bathroom - just a tad too much information (I suppose the photographs might make me a few quid though..)
love from your shouted out santa

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,FU's SS
Date: 27 Nov 06 - 07:39 PM

Dear Freda,

I was so sorry to hear of your forced labour in the dwarfish caves, but I rejoice that you are able, like Persephone, to return occasionally to more sunny climes. The aforementioned envelope is a little pre-present for you to open when you wish; a reminder of the times when you are not forced to toil below the hill, but are allowed up into our parallel universe.

As I said earlier "A proclamation geographical rather than chronological from your santa. Or is he/she/it just an old windbag?"

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Severn
Date: 25 Nov 06 - 07:32 PM

I hope the trip to a foreign shore helped you in your quest. I'm sure I will be thoroughly delighted with whatever I will recieve.

I gave out the word thay your elves were not coming and that the free liquor was ceasing and dismissed the proceedings. My missing hymnal was returned, and the jolly band of wee rogues has scattered.

I got a thank you note from my next door neighbor with a stamp on it and everything. Maybe he thought that if he brought it over himself, that in the few hundred feet it takes to walk, some angry little creature might kick of bite him in the kneecap.

Some of them DID take it harder than others.

The racoon raconteur seems to have washed his hands of the whole thing. He seemed upset when someone started singing "Dave-ee, Davey Crockett" the last night and left early, but not before leaving a troll muttering about rabies shots.

The elf from nobody knows where was on a binge and did not know where he was from, himself. He'd lost his ID and his memory and one green pointed shoe and the garden gnome couple took him home and said they had contacts and could go through channels to get him back to wherever he belongs. Some local unknown will probably go without a present this year, though. he was in pretty sorry shape.

McGhee and Hash, the House Brownies, alternate between asking for more whiskey and asking me to help pay rehab expenses.

The sprite disappeared quietly to wherever she came from.

After I'd chased everybody out from the courtyard and was walking back toward my townhouse, I saw the possum lying on his back in the roadway with his legs sticking up. "Oh My God!", I thought and ran up to his inert body to see what happened. When I got real close, he jumped up and with a sly wink and a hiccup, scurried off. "Oldest trick in the book!", I muttered as I slunk back home.

Finally, as I was walking back in the door, I stopped to check out what Molly the cat was playfully wrestling around with on the floor. It was kind of hard to tell by now, but it looked like it could've been a green pointy-toed shoe at one time.

Thanks very much, my wonderful Shy and Secretive Santa, and I'll be eagerly awaiting the sledge's arrival with my gift from some exotic shore, at least to you. Hell, I might be living on an exotic shore myself, and just might not be noticing it lately, working all this overtime and all. If you and your elves become less shy and secretive next year, you can be a more active part in the adventure, and a reliable witness that I wasn't making all this stuff up.

People are backing away pointing fingers and whispering, "He goes through a case of whiskey a week and sees 'little folk'!" I know that with all their tacky lights and decorations, they don't really believe in you.

But I DO!

And DAMN, it's quiet around here....

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: freda underhill
Date: 25 Nov 06 - 03:37 AM

hello santa, those squigglings on the gum trees kept me going, but yes, I was off and away, to a far away place (every week between Sunday evening and Friday eve) where I undergo long hours of labour, before coming home to sunny Sydney to sing and cyber.

The slowly sinking sunset is pink and orange tonight, and maybe i could reach up and pluck some, to give you an apricot or peach.. but no, like a carefree vagabond I'm racing out the door to... the Loaded Dog, to hear Danny Spooner fill the room with his throbbing crescendos!

have a good week, santa clues, and btw

thank you for the Very mysterious envelope - should I open it?

f.u.

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,My Guru's Sledgedly Sleuth-sleighing Scout E
Date: 24 Nov 06 - 03:19 AM

Dear Wayzedd,

Curry ship? If our Messenger Elves were sent by sea, our curry-ers would never get our orders here on time, kind of like the service here at Murray's.

Santa says "Tardis, Hell! All I have working for me are re-tardis who I pay entirely too much, but wouldn't know how to use that sort of mode of travel if I gave them one!". I say it would be just what the Doctors ordered (all of them) and that Jimmy Half-Pint and the guys at the union should demand it come next contract....

Hang on.....

Food's finally ready! Mysore something or another. Let me get off my sore feet and try this stuff.

Later,
Elfish Pressently
Scout-Elf

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: JennyO
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 11:07 AM

I haven't heard from my Santa for a while, although I have a couple of ideas about who he or she might be. Can't wait to see if I'm right.

Any more clues or hints or previews, Santa? I'm being good - or at least as good as I can be, considering all the bad influences I have around me - pirates, shanty singers and the like :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Severn
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 10:39 AM

WHOOPS! Jamboree?

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: artbrooks
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 10:35 AM

Santa???? I can't honestly say that I've been good...well actually I haven't actually been bad, at least not seriously....but I haven't heard from you in a L O N G time. Was it something I said?

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Becca72
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 09:57 AM

Yippee! I have been very good Santa. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,TheSomewhat Less Secret Santa of Sandra in S
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 08:26 AM

Dear Sandra, So, even though you cleverly avoided seeing my identity when you received your pressie-box, you HAVE correctly narrowed it down to "America". Yes, I do live in the US. In fact, I live in an area where there are a fair number of Mudcat-folks!

I do miss the snows of the North Pole! When it snows here, I get out my skis, but it melts very soon. Some years there's hardly any at all. *<:o(#

Since we live in opposite hemispheres, we are doing things in reverse order! Having now already received the present, be on the lookout for a card announcing it!

~~ Your Still-Secret, But Somewhat Less So Santa

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Emma B
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 06:56 AM

ooops!

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Emma B
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 06:56 AM

Now we're tied up to the pier

I'll find a pressie, have no fear

Glad you liked the card my dear

Jenny get your oatcake done!

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 23 Nov 06 - 04:43 AM

I just got a card from my "Chrissie Judy," and it's a treasure. Custom printed with Stan Hugill artwork. Thank you!

Chanteyranger

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,FU's SS
Date: 22 Nov 06 - 09:19 AM

Santa Clues, you've been very quiet - not as quiet as some Santas I could name!

Nine days ago you were "in treegued" and "being very good": within the hour (or eight or nine anyway) I regaled you with random (albeit untintentionally anonymous) ramblings on gum trees and goodness.

"No answer" was the stern reply so, like the telegraph boy with his nose turned up, I cycled sadly away into the slowly sinking septentrional sunset. More than a week passed and still no stirrings from my previously prolix Piscean Proserpine - could she be hibernating? Surely not, for although winter is here, it is not there. And the odd post for others kept appearing from her, giving birthday greetings and feliciations, but not giving an unripe fig for her poor Santa waiting patiently for a word. :-(

But fear not, o haughty Helen of Hadean habitats, my time has not been idly spent: even now a small package is winging its way to my subterranean sojourner, a token to be displayed on the occasions when Persephone proudly parades in the serene sunlight of summery southern climes. A proclamation geographical rather than chronological from your santa. Or is he/she/it just an old windbag?

And the main package is ready for assembly and onward dispatch in the care of the boomers.

Santa Clues x

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,MeganL Secret Santa
Date: 22 Nov 06 - 07:59 AM

I try.........:-))

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Megan L
Date: 22 Nov 06 - 06:33 AM

AWWWWW Santa Yer a star ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Becca's SS
Date: 21 Nov 06 - 10:35 PM

Behaving yourself,I trust? The good elfs have been collecting goodies from this fair land. They won't be travelling by sea this year, so there is still time to add a few more if the good reports continue! Your growiing ever busier Santa

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 21 Nov 06 - 09:38 PM

Cooee FUSS, are you okay? Santa Clues, you've been very quiet - I'm still being good, one day at a time..

freda

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,rumanci's Yuletide Faery
Date: 21 Nov 06 - 08:46 PM

Tis complete, the selection is made and all that remains is to get the 'Ole Owl' a wing inspection and then it is up, up and away pulling a custom built sleigh (of course) to rumanci's House
HoHo Hoot!

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Cally Hanna's secret santa
Date: 21 Nov 06 - 04:44 PM

Ho Ho Ho my little Cheshire kitty..... the mail man found you.


SS

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: CallyH
Date: 21 Nov 06 - 05:36 AM

Oh wow!

ANOTHER postcard from my secret santa!

This time with a picture of Portland Headlight, Cape Elizabeth.

Curiouser and curiouser ....



Thankyou santa

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Linda Goodman's suspicious secret santa
Date: 21 Nov 06 - 01:52 AM

I am keeping an eye on you and will decide if you deserve a nice pressie soon

I am always on there secretly
Santa

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Linda Goodman Zebooker
Date: 21 Nov 06 - 12:32 AM

Over a month ago, my Santa said I should be good, or I'd be found out. Well I have been good...probably better than I should have been!

I say I HAVE BEEN GOO... Santa, are you listening?? -Linda Goodman

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Snuffy
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 06:39 PM

Total silence for a whole month, Santa. You must be really, really busy ... I hope

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Ranger Steve's Embarrassed Santa
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 04:44 PM

Apologies, Ranger, for what is about to appear in your mailbox. The elves got tripped up by Homeland Security (that's my story and I am sticking to it).

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: Joybell
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 04:10 PM

Santa? Santa?? Hello! Hello!!

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: CallyH
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:02 PM

oooooooooooh ... this is so exciting ... I got post from my secret santa!!!!

I got a postcard with Graceland on it!!

puuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

This cheshire kitty is griiiiiiinning!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,partridge
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:17 PM

aaw.....c'mon santa just a wee clue

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: GUEST,Dusty's Parapatetic Santa
Date: 19 Nov 06 - 08:06 PM

Well ya know chum, this is a busy time of year for me. I have to get all over the place to make sure that all the boy and girls are being good...or, if they're not, that they have their stories all in place. The problem I'm having is that, since there isn't any snow in Oz this time of year, the reindeer are asking for extra pay to go down there - something about an environmental hazard differential, whatever the heck that is. I could barely get them as far south as Florida without paying off the lazy buggers! Not only that, I can't find my red short-sleeved shirt and knee britches, and the dratted elves sent my sandals out to the cobbler gnomes to be resoled...something about a good deal on tyre treads this time of year. But, we'll figure something out.

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: dusty rhodes
Date: 19 Nov 06 - 07:35 PM

Another postcard , florida this time...
What a tricky santa....

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: maeve
Date: 19 Nov 06 - 06:35 PM

Dear Marvellous Maeve's Silent Santa,

I have enjoyed my three, count 'em, three, lovely postcards. I have indeed been to see the mysterious White Horse once, years ago, with my father. He's been gone over a year now, and your postcard brought back so many good memories! Thank you!

As to my preferred package opening time, we usually wait until Christmas morning. In our families, though, presents occasionally find their way to us several days/weeks after the Day itself, and we enjoy the extended celebration. So no worries if your overworked elves need to mail some little thing a bit late!

Thank you again for the cards,

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Secret Santa Clues and Nudges
From: CapriUni
Date: 19 Nov 06 - 03:57 PM

Dear not so-secret-santa: If that Selkie comes by again, give her the finest fish you can find, on me. Your package arrived just this last Thursday, barely a week after you handed it over.

'Course Selkies are magical, so they probably have a hotline right to flying reindeer headquarters, or something...