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BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th

Mo the caller 03 Nov 06 - 06:09 AM
the animal 03 Nov 06 - 06:23 AM
Midchuck 07 Feb 07 - 12:00 PM
bubblyrat 07 Feb 07 - 12:56 PM
Donuel 07 Feb 07 - 01:33 PM
autolycus 07 Feb 07 - 02:35 PM
dulcimer42 07 Feb 07 - 03:58 PM
dick greenhaus 31 Aug 07 - 06:24 PM
Bugsy 01 Sep 07 - 01:49 AM
Genie 01 Sep 07 - 01:56 AM
GUEST,bob 20 Dec 07 - 08:59 PM
dick greenhaus 20 Dec 07 - 10:21 PM
John on the Sunset Coast 21 Dec 07 - 04:02 PM
Irish sergeant 21 Dec 07 - 05:05 PM
GUEST,Slag 21 Dec 07 - 07:27 PM
Jim Carroll 22 Dec 07 - 04:20 AM
Mr Red 22 Dec 07 - 05:33 AM
Louie Roy 22 Dec 07 - 11:03 AM
Cats 23 Dec 07 - 09:20 AM
GUEST,Coachbern 23 Aug 08 - 03:02 PM
olddude 23 Aug 08 - 03:11 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 23 Aug 08 - 03:23 PM
Bugsy 24 Aug 08 - 03:56 AM
Naemanson 24 Aug 08 - 05:41 AM
robomatic 14 Jun 09 - 07:57 AM
Dorothy Parshall 14 Jun 09 - 12:18 PM
Cool Beans 14 Jun 09 - 02:45 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 14 Jun 09 - 06:27 PM
GUEST,Jerry 16 Sep 09 - 08:53 AM
GUEST,Jerry 16 Sep 09 - 09:02 AM
Sawzaw 16 Sep 09 - 09:15 AM
John P 16 Sep 09 - 02:18 PM
Dead Horse 16 Sep 09 - 06:09 PM
Ed T 16 Sep 09 - 07:29 PM
GUEST,Jerry B 21 Sep 09 - 12:29 AM
Donuel 21 Sep 09 - 10:17 AM
GUEST,Jerry 26 Sep 09 - 10:12 PM
GUEST,Jerry 27 Sep 09 - 01:22 PM
theman 27 Sep 09 - 03:37 PM
Genie 28 Sep 09 - 08:02 AM
GUEST,Jerry 03 Oct 09 - 12:21 AM
GUEST,Jerry B 21 Oct 09 - 05:47 AM

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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Mo the caller
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 06:09 AM

You're so old you ought to be posting these jokes on the
silvertops forum.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: the animal
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 06:23 AM

The reporter was so old he'd been on every siege since Troy and stood on so many doorsteps they called him gold top.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Midchuck
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:00 PM

Many years ago, I was reading in one of H. Allen Smith's joke books, about two guys who met after many years, and one asked the other, "And how do you spend your time these days?"

The answer came: "Peeing, and trying to remember the names of my friends."

I distinctly remember thinking that that was funny. Then.

Peter.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: bubblyrat
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:56 PM

After reading all of the above,I am getting worried about this coming October !!I must go & check my birth certificate in case there was a mistake !


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:33 PM

True story
Move over Janet Jackson's left nipple, at halftime this year Prince projected his image of himself holding his guitar like a 4 ft. penis with a curly cue symbolizing testicles.

but that wasn't all...

Prince is so old that he had to put a hydrolic system on his guitar to make it squirt liquid out the end of the neck.

ergo the need for the super bowl committee to have him perform behind a sheet in shadow.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: autolycus
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:35 PM

Hope this hasn't already been done.


   You know getting older when you bend down to do up your shoelaces and see if there's anything else you can do while you're down there.






       Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: dulcimer42
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:58 PM

Recently, I was reading a book about a child in a foster home. She deeply missed a friend of her birth mother, a 61 year old lady who had always baked her a birthday cake, and had done many other kind things for her.    Later in the book, her foster family had taken her someplace where she spotted the "dear OLD lady" whom she had loved so much.   I almost quit reading the book!!! OLD LADY??? at 61??


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 31 Aug 07 - 06:24 PM

It's not true that I sold hot dogs at Custer's Last Stand.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bugsy
Date: 01 Sep 07 - 01:49 AM

No it's not Dick. Bud you DID sell that rotton apple to EVE!

Cheers


Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Genie
Date: 01 Sep 07 - 01:56 AM

Well, some of us are so old we remember when folk music was the newest popular phenomenon!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,bob
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 08:59 PM

Your so old that when you were a kid rainbows were in black and white


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 10:21 PM

Ah, the days of steam guitars. And silent radio.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 04:02 PM

Hey, watch it, buckos! 60 is the new 30; 70 is the new 31. I'm guessing I'll be dead by the new 40.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 05:05 PM

You're so Old that when God said "let there be light." TYou asked "Number one or number two genarator, Sonny?" I'm 52 so my nephews and nieces get me all the time with these jokes. Neil


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Slag
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 07:27 PM

My Dad used to sing a little ditty that went (in part, as this is all I remember):
   
    Oh, I was born ten thousand years ago,
    And I'll whip the man who says it isn't so
    I saw Jonah swallow the whale
    Daniel pull the lion's tail
    And I'll whip the man who says it isn't so.

I believe this was one of those where you sit around and make up verses until the fire burns down (or the beer run out [or both])!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 04:20 AM

My favourite about getting old was recorded from a Welsh miner in the late 1950s.
Three retired miners sitting on a park bench discussing how they would like to 'shuffle off this mortal coil'.
The youngest (65) says, I would like to go up in one of these Sputniks I've been reading about, up in the sky; higher, higher, higher - then burn out - whoosh - that's how I'd like to go.
The second in his early seventies said, "well, I'd like to get into one of these sports cars - 50mph, 60, 70, 80, 100mph, then bang! into a tree - that's how I'd like to go.
The oldest one in his late eighties was silent, so the others asked, "How about you David, how would you like to go?
"Well boys, you disappoint me; you have no ambition".
"Well, how would you like to go?"
"I'd like to be shot by a jealous husband".

Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 05:33 AM

my Grandmother was reputed to have said of her longevity (60 ish at the time) commenting on her own mothers life

"I am older than my mother would be if she was still alive" to hoots of laughter of my parental generation - sadly I was but a twinkle at the time so only have the reports.

And from a Peanuts cartoon "xyz is so old she can remember when digital watches didn't exist....." harsh but plausible.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Louie Roy
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 11:03 AM

In a couple of weeks I'll be 83 and still going strong and when I think of 60 years old that's how old my youngest kid is.At 60 you are just preparing for the next 40


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Cats
Date: 23 Dec 07 - 09:20 AM

It's Heslop's 60th in June. He says he doesn't want a party... just 'some friends round to spend the weekend here and have something good to eat and drink...' The campsite about a mile away is taking bookings already.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Coachbern
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 03:02 PM

She's so old, Shakespeare did HER in the park!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 03:11 PM

You know you are old when:

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 03:23 PM

Sorry, I posted without typing my name....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1mlkLeITt8


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bugsy
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 03:56 AM

I suppose all these comments apply to ME now!

I 60 tomorrow!


Cheers

Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Naemanson
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 05:41 AM

I've got four more years until I turn 60. These jokes are just the jealous young kids wishing they had it as good as we do.

As far as that long paste from artbrooks goes, it turns up every now and then. If I was teaching history I'd make it a project for the kids to figure out how much of it is actually true.

Down through the years this letter has surfaced now and again usually making a point about our society going down hill. Before I was young enough to think it was accurate. Now I am old enough to see the inaccuracies. I hope to be able to teach American history some day and then I plan to make my kids research an accurate version of this. Should be fun.

What follows are my own comments. Mostly I am trying to be light-hearted, not cynical or dismissive. Some of the sentiments are spot on. For example, I have always called an older person "sir" or "ma'am". I have always taken responsibility for my actions.

But, as someone else pointed out already, there are plenty of the items in that list that are anachronistic. Television, penicillin, polio shots, and frozen foods were all available when I was a kid. My generation were the first to have the electronic babysitter (TV). I still remember getting the polio shot in grade school and I have a vaccination scar on my arm from one of the other abuses we had to put up with. You should see my wife's arm. She has two that look like a bullet passed through the limb!

As for gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy, I have to agree. I don't remember when they showed up but some of them are way overdue (gay rights) and some are necessary because the economy sucks (dual careers).

"Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, (not mine) good judgment, and common sense." "We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions." The last one were instilled by my parents. They didn't need religion to scare me into behaving.

"Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege." Obviously the writer doesn't remember the sixties. S/He must have been there! But here is my point. Remember I am 56 years old. I was too young to participate in what was happening!

"We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent." I gotta give him this one. My first encounter with Burger King was after boot camp. Of course, back then the Whopper really was big. Kareem Abdul Jabbar (famous basketball player) needed two hands to hold it.

"Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins." I don't remember incest... *Grin*

"Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started." See my comment above about the sixties. This line indicates just how old this "letter" is. Draft dodging hasn't been a hanging offense since the 70s.

"We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings." Hmm, when I was a kid I used to hear about guys who listened to fine music on the FM band because the clarity of the music beat AM all hollow... and rock'n'roll didn't need to be clear. My first tape deck (reel to reel) came to me from a guy who bought it from a PX in Viet Nam in the mid 60s. My high school had electric typewriters and pirates ALWAYS wore earrings. Didn't know about yogurt though. Yummy!

"We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey." These lines put the writer back into the 40s and early 50s. As a child of the TV age presidents were ALWAYS on TV and ALWAYS interrupting the good TV shows.

"If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk." I get endless fun telling my Japanese wife about this... as we watch our Japanese TV, drive our Japanese car, etc.

"The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam." Actually it referred to what I wanted to do with several of the young ladies I went to high school with. Since then I have gotten old and fat. I'm guessing they did too. Anyone remember the term "submarine races"? I never used that term. I got it from my parents who must have been "making out" before I was born. I wonder, could that have led to my existence? Nah, my PARENTS wouldn't do anything like that!

"Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents." Gotta give the original writer these though I think I remember early instant coffee.

"Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards." I don't remember the cost of these things. The writer could be right. Plus, no matter how often my mother badgered me about writing thank you cards I never seemed to use the mail. Email is a real boon.

"You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon." My first car, in 1972, was a 1967 Mustang convertible that I bought for $950. If the price had dropped that much in 5 years I doubt very much it sold for anything close to $600. I was 20 years old in 1972. I loved that car. I don't ever remember gasoline for $.11 a gallon. It seems to me it was around $.54 a gallon but I might have that mixed up with the price of cigarettes. When I was in grade school my mother used to ask me to walk up to the IGA to buy her another pack. Wasn't illegal then, just frowned upon.

"In my day: "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,       "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store and "software" wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby." Gotta give most of this one to him. I didn't run into "grass" until I joined the Navy. "Coke" as a drug came along much later in my life, not that I used it. I was clean by then. "Aids" were also helpers in hospitals. "He's also right about hardware and software though it still holds for some people I know who refuse to have anything to do with computers. As for the baby thing all I knew for the longest time was that babies tended to have parents but how they got there was a mystery. Finding the truth of that one was a pleasure I still enjoy.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: robomatic
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 07:57 AM

The line between funny and mean spirited is fine indeed


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 12:18 PM

When I was chronologically "60", I was totally unaware that I was meant to be "old". Jokes about age are ageism and as inappropriate in general as racist or ethnic jokes. When friends turn 50 or 60, I send them, or sing to them, to the tune of She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain:
O, it's nifty to be ?? years of age
All the youngsters think that you've become a sage
And the oldsters born before you
Think you're young and just adore you
O, it's nifty....

Most people seem to be upset at these times and need to be cheered on rather than picked apart. Younger people tend to do the picking to make themselves feel better, without realizing they may someday get there themselves -- if they are lucky.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Cool Beans
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 02:45 PM

I'm so old that when I went to the store the baseball cards were out front and the condoms were behind the counter.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 06:27 PM

It is easy to "personalize" a song to the individual.

I have always been partial to the song
Born 10,000 Years Ago

I like the above thread version better than the three in the DT. Probably because I played the Sanburg one first...and never the other three.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 08:53 AM

I'm so old my teeth have wrinkles


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 09:02 AM

I'm so old I remember using Preparation A


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Sawzaw
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 09:15 AM

Frequently recited at retirements and senior birthday parties:

Dr Seus on getting old:

I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh my god, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad - can you tell?
My body's drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years
Have come at last
The Golden Years
Can Kiss my Ass


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: John P
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 02:18 PM

I was in a conversation with some young folks at work about how cool Led Zeppelin was. I said something about how we were all excited when the first album came out. After a short silence, one of my co-workers said, "You remember when the first Led Zeppelin album came out??"


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 06:09 PM

I believe you are in Oz, so......
You are so old you came here on a ten quid assisted passage.
You stole the ten quid and got transported for free!!!

So old.....Captain Cook was still a mess boy.
So old.....was chief wrangler on the Ark.
So old.....can remember when Seven Up was called Two Up


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Ed T
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 07:29 PM

Your so old that the first three ships you took a cruise on were the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry B
Date: 21 Sep 09 - 12:29 AM

You're so old you can remember when blog was a sound you made after too much partying.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Sep 09 - 10:17 AM

You're not so old. The comedian Bill Murry just turned 59 today, 21 September 10:15 AM EDT !
and he doesn't look a day over 60.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 26 Sep 09 - 10:12 PM

You're so old you can remember when Disney was family-oriented.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 27 Sep 09 - 01:22 PM

You're so old you can remember when Baskin-Robbins only had 2 flavors.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: theman
Date: 27 Sep 09 - 03:37 PM

You are so old, your driver's license number is 4!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Genie
Date: 28 Sep 09 - 08:02 AM

Well, maybe the best news about turning 60 is that you are now a SEXagenarian!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 03 Oct 09 - 12:21 AM

You're so old there are Aztec ruins younger than you.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry B
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 05:47 AM

You're so old you no longer buy green bananas.


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