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BS: I'm mentaly ill

Raptor 09 Dec 06 - 01:04 AM
freda underhill 09 Dec 06 - 01:27 AM
Little Hawk 09 Dec 06 - 01:35 AM
dianavan 09 Dec 06 - 02:16 AM
Cluin 09 Dec 06 - 02:17 AM
Ebbie 09 Dec 06 - 02:45 AM
GUEST,patient 09 Dec 06 - 02:48 AM
John J 09 Dec 06 - 03:12 AM
Slag 09 Dec 06 - 03:25 AM
Big Al Whittle 09 Dec 06 - 03:54 AM
Jeanie 09 Dec 06 - 05:06 AM
Megan L 09 Dec 06 - 05:08 AM
Myrtle 09 Dec 06 - 05:22 AM
number 6 09 Dec 06 - 05:56 AM
GUEST 09 Dec 06 - 06:24 AM
autolycus 09 Dec 06 - 07:19 AM
Bobert 09 Dec 06 - 07:28 AM
fat B****rd 09 Dec 06 - 07:33 AM
Mo the caller 09 Dec 06 - 07:49 AM
Jerry Rasmussen 09 Dec 06 - 07:57 AM
jacqui.c 09 Dec 06 - 08:17 AM
Dead Horse 09 Dec 06 - 09:21 AM
Alba 09 Dec 06 - 09:25 AM
Raptor 09 Dec 06 - 09:25 AM
bobad 09 Dec 06 - 10:24 AM
katlaughing 09 Dec 06 - 10:24 AM
John MacKenzie 09 Dec 06 - 10:41 AM
*daylia* 09 Dec 06 - 10:53 AM
Maryrrf 09 Dec 06 - 10:58 AM
Ebbie 09 Dec 06 - 12:45 PM
jacqui.c 09 Dec 06 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 06 - 12:59 PM
SINSULL 09 Dec 06 - 01:06 PM
GUEST,Never Been There...Yet! 09 Dec 06 - 02:04 PM
Janie 09 Dec 06 - 02:05 PM
Little Hawk 09 Dec 06 - 02:49 PM
Stilly River Sage 09 Dec 06 - 03:48 PM
Little Hawk 09 Dec 06 - 05:56 PM
Cruiser 09 Dec 06 - 05:59 PM
Little Hawk 09 Dec 06 - 06:05 PM
Hawker 09 Dec 06 - 07:01 PM
GUEST 09 Dec 06 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 06 - 09:45 PM
frogprince 09 Dec 06 - 09:54 PM
RangerSteve 09 Dec 06 - 10:21 PM
SINSULL 10 Dec 06 - 10:19 AM
Stilly River Sage 10 Dec 06 - 11:58 AM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 06 - 01:57 PM
Stilly River Sage 10 Dec 06 - 07:06 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 06 - 07:13 PM
Slag 10 Dec 06 - 11:41 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 06 - 11:44 PM
Stilly River Sage 11 Dec 06 - 12:09 AM
hesperis 11 Dec 06 - 12:16 AM
Liz the Squeak 11 Dec 06 - 04:57 AM
MMario 11 Dec 06 - 10:27 AM
Little Hawk 11 Dec 06 - 12:28 PM
Pistachio 13 Dec 06 - 04:52 PM
CET 13 Dec 06 - 07:18 PM
KT 13 Dec 06 - 11:44 PM

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Subject: BS: I'm mentally ill
From: Raptor
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 01:04 AM

And Have decided to see someone to help me Deal with my grief and anxioty!

Isn't that great? I'm pretty happy about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 01:27 AM

You are a lovely bloke, Raptor, good luck in dealing with it all.


best wishes

freda


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 01:35 AM

Hey, old pal, at least half the people out there are mentally ill...to some extent. Maybe 3/4 of them. No kidding. It's just that most of them manage to sort of handle it to an extent that it isn't too noticeable and doesn't prevent daily functioning. I've been doing that for years! ;-) I'm here if you need to talk.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: dianavan
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:16 AM

Maybe you're just lonely and sad.

Maybe it will pass.

Try doing something nice for someone less fortunate.

By helping others, we help ourselves.

Works for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Cluin
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:17 AM

Ah, c'mere ya crazy bastard!

*gives Raptor some semi-painful noogies*


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:45 AM

Congratulations on getting to this point, Raptor. I'm happy for you that you are reaching out for help. Good luck- keep us in the loop if you feel up to it. Many of us could use the same thing. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: GUEST,patient
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:48 AM

I was treated for acute depression for several years and managed never to talk about it to anyone apart from my GP, psychologist and psychiatrist. I felt irrationally that it was shameful to be ill in that way. I didn't talk to family or friends about it and still can't. This hindered treatment by drugs and therapy and I still have the problem of wanting to be dead for quite a lot of the time.

I think you've done the right thing to declare your problem it may help any treatment to work. Your friends sound as if they can and will help.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: John J
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 03:12 AM

Accepting you have a problem is a very major step forward.

Asking for help is a tremendous step forward.

Well done, you are on the right road.

Many people don't understand mental illness and they are scared of it. Many do understand and are willing to help.

Very best wishes for your recovery.

John
(Who's wife suffers from depression....well she would, she's married to me!)


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Slag
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 03:25 AM

Or perhaps emotionally ill?? If we are honest, we all have sane moments every now and then but they pass rather quickly. Music helps sometimes! Good luck. Lay down your heavy load.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 03:54 AM

Its one of the great unsaids in our society. go into any room anywhere and about 40% of the people there have had some sort of mental problems.

I know I had depression for a while, its weird trick that your mind plays on you, gives you panic attacks and such. If you've had to cope with loss of some sort - it lies in wait for us. I think accepting that, was the point for me when I started to get better.

After that I could start working on getting rid of some of the physical problems it had engendered. What also worked for me was getting a load of books from the library about the illness. the more I understood about what was happening to me - the less easy it was for my mind to trick me.

loads of people have gone through what you're going through and some of them have written about it. You are not unique.   Its a problem which others before you have had to face, and most of them manage to see it off, and live normal lives.

all best wishes mate!

Big Al Whittle


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Jeanie
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 05:06 AM

With all good wishes to you, Raptor, as you get through this and emerge feeling strong and secure.

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Megan L
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 05:08 AM

Well done raptor there are many of us been down that road in 2000 - 2001 i lost 5 people i loved over that year. I was very lucky i knew the symptoms well and went straight to my doctor. when i told her i didnt want to use drugs she helped me develop my own positive action plan tiny steps forward (Though there were days it was more like a waltz but we got through. Be proud that you are wise enough to get help and rejoice in your individuality.

All the best my dear
Meg


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Myrtle
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 05:22 AM

Me too Raptor, I battle chronic depression and one of the biggest and most positive steps was when I began to realise that it is an illness and not a character defect.

i wish you courage and strength for your journey
and recommend multiple hug therapy!!

Regards, Myrtle.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: number 6
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 05:56 AM

You are at good point ... keep going Raptor.

It is great, it really is.

biLL


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 06:24 AM

40 Mg of Fluoexitine daily - keeps me going - just!


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: autolycus
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 07:19 AM

All good wishes Raptor.

   Very courageous of you to sperak in public about it.

   Seeing a professional is the way. Often, one can't talk with especially family, and sometimes friends because they may be heavily involved in the difficulty.

   As a Gestalt therapist,I wouldn't dream of suggestions;best left to you and your therapist/counsellor.

   Post if you wish,don't if you feel you have to,'cos you do not have to.

   Take care (as you look like you're doing).






      Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Bobert
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 07:28 AM

Sorry to inform you, Raptor, but you probably ain't, ahhhh, techically "mentaly ill" so don't go thinkin' this is gonna get you oughtta work 'er nuthin' but...

...nice try...

But seriously, you may need both some grief counseling and some anxiety management...

Both are fields where there are lots of folks who have tools to get you thru what you've been going thru...

Good luck and keep in mind that there's at least one person here who has been thru it and come out the other side...

...me...

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: fat B****rd
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 07:33 AM

Good luck, Raptor. You have my best thoughts.
Charlie.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Mo the caller
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 07:49 AM

Good luck.
Dont let them put you on drugs till you've tried alternatives.
I've watched the problems causedby drugs - lethargy, weight gain, withdrawl syptoms from 'non-adictive' Prozac, complete zombyism from other drugs.
There was a study said excersise was more beneficial in milld depression than drugs. (Obviously I don't know what would work for you.)


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 07:57 AM

Hey, Rap:

You should feel happy about openly admitting that you are mentally ill (or depressed, or whatever term you want to use.) Accepting that you are ill is rejecting the belief that there is something inherently wrong with you. It's also the beginning of the healing process. I think that you'll find that not being intimidated by mental illness is the greatest weapon against it.

Many, many years ago a lifetime of thinking myself worthless, and seeking some fragile sense of value in trying to please others finally brought me to my knees, and I ended up checking myself in to a pyschiatric ward. Seventeen days later, I was released and came out roaring like a lion. It was downright exhilarating, stepping back into a world that had always overwhelemed me, facing it head on.
All the old problems were there, and I'd created a lot of new ones by going in to the psychiatric ward. But, I didn't care. That was the beginning of a brand new life for me, and I think that you will find the same excitement in yours.

Yesterday, I was talking to my closest friend who is being pulled under by very, very serious problems not of his making. In our conversation, he said, "I'll be alright, because this will pass." And I told him, "You're right, Joe: there are a lot of good days still to come."

And then, I spent the rest of the evening softly singing to myself. A song that I wrote many years ago could have been lifted out of our conversation yesterday:

   "One thing certain we all know
    All things will come to pass
    So when the darkness blinds the light
    We know it will not last

      For the good old days are still to come
      Though the hard times are not over
      For we must wear that thorny crown
      To walk the fields of clover."

And you'll be walking those fields, Rap:

Keeping you in prayer.

Jerry


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 08:17 AM

Good luck Rap - I hope that things go well for you.

Been there myself and have/had friends and family who've walked the path. I hope that you have local friends who can support you when needed.

I would agree that reading what you can about your own condition can help - for me, fear of the unknown was always the worst.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Dead Horse
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 09:21 AM

Ahh. The brain. We come to know it and love it. it gives us all our hopes and dreams and loves in this world.
Then ZAP!
It aint our friend no more.
We find we cant rely on it when it has perhaps been the only thing we could previously rely on.
It usually occurs just when we need it most, too.
All the more upsetting and unsettling.
At least you have recognised the fault.
If only we could re-boot ourselves and run an anti-virus programme.
Pills aint working for me, and the British National Health psycho try atrists are a bunch of w**kers, but at least its fun playing with them for a while.
A proffessional is the only way to go buddy.
Sincere good wishes for you in your your malady.
Get well soon, huh?
The world needs Raptors.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Alba
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 09:25 AM

Raptor...

I wish you every success with your Healing ma Darlin.
Sending you Love and {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Warmest of Blessings coming at ya,
Jude


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Raptor
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 09:25 AM

First I want to Thank everybody who posted here with encouragement.

Second I shall explain that I don't feel depresed or down much at all. My problems are stemming from happiness. I've got a new girlfriend who is Drop dead gorgous, Smarter than me, A concert pianist, A recording artist that toured the world, Caring, Crasy about me, and sexualy inexastible.(i've lost 25lbs and now am in better shape than when in college)

So you see my problem...


For the first time since my wife died Nov. 28 2003 I've fallen seriously in love.

I feel guily for "being unfaithfull"

I feel that sometime soon I will again lose it all.

I feel I don't deserve any of it.


I'm having nightmares about my wife.

I cry uncontrolably without any aparent concious reason.

I'm having anxiety attacks. (scarry shit).
I feel like a right friggin loon.

So I'm getting help. And thats a great thing.

And being a friggin loon just might get me out of work now and then Bobert!

Raptor (the Friggin Loon)


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: bobad
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 10:24 AM

Ah, you don't seem too far gone yet but if you get the urge to dive for fish at least wait 'till the ice melts.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 10:24 AM

That IS great, Raptor! Congrats on finding someone new AND on recognising that you seem to need to work through a few things in order for you to continue on in a healthy way. It seems to me a lot of what you are feeling/experiencing is probably pretty normal for what you have been through and are now going through.

All the best to you and for you,

kat


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 10:41 AM

You're a lucky man Rap!
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: *daylia*
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 10:53 AM

Hey Raptor, here's a little anecdote to help cheer you up a little ... the other day one of my 5-yr-old piano students started "losing it" half way through my oh-so-interesting explanations/demonstrations of the mysteries and intricacies of the Trouble oops Treble Clef.

Eyes glazing over, she was gazing at the fishbowl and suddenly piped up with "Oh you have a FISH! What's your fish's name?" Deciding to humour her a little, I told her I haven't named that one yet -- my last fish was called Mikey though. "Is it a boy or a girl?" she asked. "Gee I really don't know ..." I replied. At which point she seemed lost in thought for a moment, staring away at the fish, then turned to me and confided "I have X-ray eyes, you know." "Oh really?" I said. "Yup! I can see right through your fish's skin. Its a BOY!"   

A bit taken aback, I giggled and said "Wow Maeve, are you sure" "Yup -- he has a penis" she said .... and by now she was staring at me like she'd been at the fish.

"I can see right through your clothes you know" she said.

"Oh, you can eh?" I laughed.

"I can see all of your skin and even your BONES!   And you DON'T have a penis!"

Well, if I was a bit taken aback before by now my brain was on overload. How to respond to something like this?!?   So I stood up, checked my torso out carefully and said "You know, you're right Maeve. I DON'T have a penis, and I'd probably be in real big trouble if I did! Now, could we just focus on our MUSIC? PLEEEEEAAAAAASEE!"

HA! I won't be forgetting that one for a long long time!   And my recommendation, Raptor, on top of all the other good good things you're doing is to spend as much time as possible with children under the age of 6. Their innocence and joyfulness go a long way toward making Life more Liveable!

All the best -- and call me sometime eh?

daylia


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Maryrrf
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 10:58 AM

I don't think you're mentally ill, but I do hope you work through these issues that seem to be blocking you from the happiness which has come into your life. You can't change the past, and what's gone can't be brought back. You have only the present to enjoy in the here and now, and the future to look forward to. You have gone through some rough times (I remember when you posted about your wife's death) and now it seems that there is some happiness in store for you. There is nothing to feel guilty about. I'm glad for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 12:45 PM

An idea: Change your name from 'Raptor' to 'Rapt'. And enjoy it!

Congratulations- may your therapy be swift and successful. You are a good man.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 12:46 PM

Go for it Rap - all the best to you and your new lady.

It certainly makes sense to get any old issues sorted. I would say that your wife would be glad that you have found a new love. If she loved you I'm sure that she would want you to be happy now.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 12:59 PM

It takes guts to go get help when you need it -- I know. Good on ya, dude!


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 01:06 PM

Panic attacks, sudden crying jags, feeling as if you don't deserve to be happy - all symptoms of depression but also fairly normal feelings for your situation.
My mantra: "Guilt is anger turned inward." What are you angry about? Maybe mad at your wife for leaving you?

Please ignore all amateur psychology analysts, me included, and talk to a professional.
Sounds to me as if you have a handle on the problem and need only an uninvolved third party to see you through this.
Be very happy! Many people don't find love even once. You have a second chance. WOW!
SINS


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: GUEST,Never Been There...Yet!
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:04 PM

I think you are only mentally ill if you Do Not give all your love and compassion to the new Lady in your life.

Yesterday is dead and gone. Your wife loved you, now you need to share that love and more with this new light of your life.

Finding a good woman is hard enough, much less one with such musical talents. You have had at least two good women so far! Sure, seek professional help but do not pass this opportunity up.

I think we are all "mixed-up" mentally and those that are able to keep above depression etc. just have more of certain chemicals affecting particular areas of the brain than others. Exercise, prescription medication, and therapy will help. Keep a positive attitude too.

I admire the honesty of the members of this forum. You are not alone Raptor!

You are a brave man. Now be all the man you can be and more.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Janie
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:05 PM

Good for you for taking care of yourself!

I have a theory or fantasy that after people die, they observe their loved ones here in this realm with tremendous compassion and utter detachment.

May you open your heart even more fully to love, and recognize that you have nothing to lose by doing so.

Blessings on you, bird man.

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 02:49 PM

Hmmm. Now I understand. Yeah, falling seriously in love can totally disarrange your life and you're getting caught in some very conflicted feelings there. You figure you don't deserve it! That's heavy. Sounds like you've split into two and one half of you is punishing the other half for being "unfaithful" or "unworthy"...

You know, all I can say about it is this: love is not something to be exclusively owned or hoarded. It's something to be given, something to be shared. To hoard it...to hide it away...I'd say that's almost like a sin. (and I don't even like using the word 'sin', normally speaking)

Accordingly, I don't see that you have anything to be guilty about at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentally ill
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 03:48 PM

Raptor,

It sounds like you've figured out a lot of what your problem is. Being the survivor after your wife's death isn't easy, and now that you're contemplating a new relationship and you know what it feels like to both have and lose that kind of love, you're tearing yourself apart. I've read that having a close friend to talk to can be as good as having a psychiatrist, but in your instance, I think a psychiatrist would be a lot more efficient at helping you through your grief and helping you give yourself permission to love someone new with the same intensity and without reservations (i.e., holding something back to protect yourself in case she goes away, too).

I agree with the remark above about not getting into the chemical treatments until you've tried others. Personally, I have always found "the talking cure" of counselling with a trained professional to be sufficient when I was dealing with depression.

Good luck. And through all of this, don't forget to feed the birds! :)

Maggie (Stilly River Sage)


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 05:56 PM

Raptor will never forget to feed the birds.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Cruiser
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 05:59 PM

Big Raptors prey on Little Hawks....


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 06:05 PM

Not this one. He's too busy with the drop-dead gorgeous women...the ones I always yearned for. Darned guy was born with a rabbit's foot in his mouth when it comes to that particular aspect of life! And I kid you not. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Hawker
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 07:01 PM

Hey Raptor,
Lots of love and luck, hope you get the support and help you need, it sounds like you are half way there. well done for facing it head on and seeking out help.
Kind thoughts, Lucy


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 08:40 PM

A rerun of "The Birds":

A Raptor, a Little Hawk, and a Hawker!


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 09:45 PM

Yes, do get a professional (counselor!) involved. And it is better to talk it all out, but don't shun the chemicals IF they can help the process (not replace, help). Ain't no shame in sayin' "Help me, eh?"


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 09:54 PM

Captain Kendall has had a biological "insult" to his body, and is getting the best of help to repair the damage. You've had an overload of emotional trauma, and you realize you need help to get back to health and happiness. Both of you have lots of people pulling for you, and betting you're going to be fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: RangerSteve
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 10:21 PM

Best wishes. Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Dec 06 - 10:19 AM

A few years back I came very close to marrying a man I adored. We spent every weekend together though he lived in PA and I in NYC. When we finally reached the point of moving in together and setting a date, he went into a tailspin of guilt over his dead wife. A long story but he had a lot to be guilty about.

It ended our relationship.

Get the help you need and keep the happiness that is yours.
Mary


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 06 - 11:58 AM

Sounds like the relationship version of "buyer's remorse," wondering at the last minute if you're ready to move on, to make a big committment. You've described in that sad story a perfect example of someone who should have gotten help and thus avoided that tsunami of guilt emotions at that juncture. I hope it helps Raptor--it probably still doesn't feel good to share that event.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 06 - 01:57 PM

SINSULL - I think I should mention that Raptor doesn't HAVE anything to feel guilty about in regards to his dead wife (as far as I'm concerned). He treated her extremely well during the entire marriage and he loved her deeply. I know this, because I witnessed it firsthand.

He may be feeling guilty, but if so, it's an irrational response in my opinion. Maybe he feels guilty because he wasn't there when she died, and he figures he could have saved her if he had been....but that's NOT his fault! It just happened. There's no such thing as the perfect husband, but he was a darned good one, and a faithful one.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 06 - 07:06 PM

Little Hawk, I don't think anyone is assuming any fault. There is just an irrational (as you say) appropriation of guilt upon oneself, playing "what if I had done this-or-that, maybe death wouldn't have happened" or some similar mental process. Just feeling guilty for being the healthy partner who is still alive.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 06 - 07:13 PM

Yeah, that's what I figure. I've been trying to get in touch with him, but no luck so far.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Slag
Date: 10 Dec 06 - 11:41 PM

Ahh, that we all had such problems! Too good to be true? Pinch me, I must be dreaming! I don't think its so much "buyer's remorse" as it is "I don't deserve this". Here's the truth. We all derserve to have whatever happiness we find. Had it been you that had died (was dying...) wouldn't you have wanted your wife to go on with life? to find happiness? You can be happy with your new lady and still hold fond memories of your first wife. Those are your private memories for all your days and nothing can alter what has been and no shame need be attached. Remember, Life is a series of encounters and good byes. That's the nature of the thing. Again I say good luck to you in coming to terms with your new Life. Good things cause stress too, but you will work it out.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 06 - 11:44 PM

Yeah, Slag, that was sort of my reaction too... (grin)

I've been talking to Raptor tonight. He's doing fine. And he's taking steps to deal with the conflicted feelings that are coming up.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 12:09 AM

I'm sure there's probably a better analogy than "buyer's remorse," but I was trying to come up with a description for what I presume is a rush of emotion, all tangled up, that is what Raptor is describing.

As an aside, but one that may be pertinent, I was trying to buy a house right after my divorce, intending to move a state away, but trying to be close enough to here so my soon-to-be-ex and I could shuttle kids back and forth for visits.

I found a perfectly charming location in the mountains east of Albuquerque, and was ready to sign, but when the seller went wacko at a delay in closing and I had to ask for an extension (the delay occurred because of the incompetent attorney hired by my passive-aggressive ex, and the seller demanded an extra $1000 earnest money AND that each of our attorneys write her a letter assuring her that we were getting the divorce and that I would in fact buy her house. Like we would pay our attorneys to conduct this fool's errand of hers).

The fact that she was so nuts made it easy enough for me to say "I'm not fooling with her because there is bound to be another delay as long as I have to wait on his attorney" but I knew in my heart of hearts that there was more to it--that the prospect of taking my kids away from their father (I didn't want to live in the state, I still don't) was tearing me up, imagining their unhappiness at the move.

I moved to an apartment a mile from the ex, and after a couple of years bought the house I'm in now, about five miles away. This purchase had none of the stress of the last attempt, even though we also had a kind of nutty seller (a family that lives in Jordan in the Middle East with some oddball intermediaries).

Deciding if something is appropriate, or if it is timed properly can add a lot of stress. Buying a house is (should be) less stressful than chosing a spouse. Being sure you are getting it right is necessary, and learning how to accept that what you want is okay is an important lesson.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 12:16 AM

Accepting what you really want is often hard even if you haven't experienced deep loss before. I'm struggling with that right now myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 04:57 AM

What can I say but 'Join the club'....

Live each day as it comes. Each day you wake up and get up is a day better. Sometimes you just need to leave the brain off the hook and go do something totally inane, like feed the ducks or walk for miles and get nowhere. Take care.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: MMario
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 10:27 AM

Sounds like 'survivor's guilt' - and *that* is tricky to deal with. especially if you don't seek help somewhere.

On the other hand - I think I've finally concluded that "Sanity" is nothing but a delusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 12:28 PM

Well put, Mario. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: Pistachio
Date: 13 Dec 06 - 04:52 PM

Best Wishes as you work through this new relationship. Your late wife would probably smile and say "get on with your life, don't forget 'me' but don't let me stop you finding future happiness"
Sideways smiles for you! (:   :) !

Hazel.


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: CET
Date: 13 Dec 06 - 07:18 PM

Mentally ill? I have my doubts, but that's a matter for you and your counsellor. What do I know about that?

What I do know is that you are a hell of a kind and generous person (and a damn good musician too). You deserve whatever good things come your way.

Edmund


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Subject: RE: BS: I'm mentaly ill
From: KT
Date: 13 Dec 06 - 11:44 PM

Raptor, just want to add my good wishes, too. I've enjoyed many of your posts and just want you to know that folks you don't even "know" are happy for you and rooting for ya!


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