BS: But God loves chimps!

Subject: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 08:05 PM

Ya want proof? We're smart, strong, and good lookin'. We're quadridextrous. We ain't monkeys. We did not cause global warming. We can act better than either Ronald Reagan or Johnny Weismuller could in their dreams. God loves us.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 08:09 PM

That's right, as for as you know... seeeeeeee?


Where your Messiah, now?

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 08:12 PM

I remember that cold-hearted bastard well. He did not go down easy, lemme tell ya, but he is on ice now. Anyways, one bad chimp don't disprove my point.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 08:22 PM

Or the smoke.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 08:22 PM

Or worse.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 08:29 PM

You forgot the words -

Too Much Monkey Business (Chuck Berry)

Runnin' to-and-fro, hard workin' in the mill.
Never fail in the mail, yeah, come a rotten bill.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
For me to be involved in!

Salesman talkin' to me, tryin' to run me up a creek.
Says you can buy it, go on try it, you can pay me next week, ahh.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
For me to be involved in!

Blond hair, good lookin', tryin' to get me hooked.
Want me to marry, get a home, settle down, write a book.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
For me to be involved in!

Every day, same thing, gettin' up, goin' to school.
No need for me complaining, my objection's overruled, ahh.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
For me to be involved in!

Telephone, something wrong, dime gone, will mail,
Oughtta sue the operator, for telling me a tale, ahh.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
For me to be involved in!

I been to Yokohama, been fightin' in the war.
Army bunk, army crew, army food, army corps, aah.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
For me to be involved in!

Workin' in the fillin' station, too many tasks.
Wipe the windows, check the tyres, check the oil, a dollar gas.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
For me to be involved in!

Too much monkey business for me!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: GUEST,God
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 08:49 PM

You're right, Chongo. I did a much better job with you chimps than with humans. But, before you let it go to your head, it was the bonobos that I really got right.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 09:31 PM

Chongo, ya know I love ya. But chimp oh chimp, God still salted the chimps with as many jerks as he did humans.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 09:51 PM

Well, ya might have a point there, Rapaire.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 09:52 PM

Chongo.......You're not a chimp! I would never call you a chimp. I've called your buddy the Hawk a broke-dick mamalucca, but I would never call you a chimp.

You're a fockin' chump. Now that's true......not a chimp, but you are a chump.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 10:16 PM

That's like Jackie Gleason accusing someone else of being fat.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 10:22 PM

Bang!

Zoom!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 11:46 PM

Oh yeah.....You're goin' to da' moon Hawkster.....You're goin' to da' moon!   BANG.....ZOOM

Spaw (thanks for the lead in Cluin)

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 11:49 PM

I wonder if you can see Chongo at the office window, mooning you? Pity he's not one of those rainbow-butt mandrills, because they are the masters when it comes to doing that.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 09 Jan 07 - 12:57 AM

Baby, you're the greatest!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Slag
Date: 09 Jan 07 - 01:13 AM

EEEEEE OOOOOOOOO EEEEE AAAAAAAA OOO AAAH E

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Jan 07 - 09:08 AM

Da Mooooooon!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 07 - 09:20 AM

I had a problem like that once after eating a bunch of habenero peppers.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Captain Ginger
Date: 09 Jan 07 - 09:25 AM

Wow! That is an awesome rear, JennyO (the mandrill's I mean). I feel somehow humbled.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Jan 07 - 09:31 AM

Ischial colossity...

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Tweed
Date: 09 Jan 07 - 11:05 AM

God loves chimps?? HAW that's rich Chongo. How could God love the stinking little bastards, who when they ain't masturbating non-stop are busy flinging shit at passers by??

I am fully convinced that you and Larkie Harg are separated by less than a chromosome. Next you'll be telling us that Shatner loves chimps. HAW HAW HAR.........!!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Slag
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 03:04 AM

If Shat-ner were as highly evolved as a chimp, HE would have been the Science Officer!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 03:59 AM

Enough with the chimpist comments. Just remember, two of the little guys fronted Oasis for years, and no-one noticed..........

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 04:04 AM

Hehe...

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: An Buachaill Caol Dubh
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 11:18 AM

Ain't no bars can hold a Colobus Monkey.

We got four little thumbs, man, AND a tail.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 11:25 AM

Boy, Tweed, I'd hate to be in your shoes after making those ill-considered remarks. My advice, man, is this: take a long trip to some very remote place, and leave no forwarding address.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Tweed
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 04:46 PM

Yaz, I know, and I'm ashamed of myself for it. I can't leave with no forwarding address as pore Penelope would not be able to stay in touch and she is crazed enough already without adding fuel to that fire. I fear she is lost to me now though. I heard that she'd gone to Africa to study gorillas and ended up a silver-back's bitch. God help the children obv that union!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jan 07 - 05:55 PM

" God help the children of that union!"

It didn't hurt Ron Jeremy, did it?

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 01:57 PM

I heard from an acquaintance that you were taking my name in vain again on this forum, Tweed. Tsk, tsk. Like a pesky mosquito or some other miniscule and unpleasant form of parasitic life you come back again and again to annoy your betters. Well, I suppose that is all that a parasite has to look forward to in its short and miserable life, isn't it? You fear that I am lost to you now? Ha! Ha! Oh my, that is amusing! As if we ever moved in the same circles...

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 03:13 PM

Tsk, tsk yourself, Penny. You know you get a perverse thrill from the attentions of men of the "lower classes"! Admit it! Winston can't keep up with a hot-blooded vixen like you, can he? We know what happens after Winston passes out from too much gognac each night. We know about the surreptitious visits to low-life drinking establishments populated by unwashed men in dirty workshirts! It's there that you find true satisfaction, isn't it? The smell of sweat, beer and axle grease is really a turn-on for you, isn't it?

You may ridicule men like Tweed, but we all know you have to go change your nickers afterwards!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 03:21 PM

I'd heard rumors that a Certain Marriage was In Trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 03:33 PM

Gentlemen, if you think I am going to waste any more of my valuable time pandering to your prurient flights of fancy here you are entirely mistaken. Go ahead and spin your silly tales. It won't do you any good.

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Captain Ginger
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 03:43 PM

Well hellooo...
Ding dong!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 11 Jan 07 - 04:00 PM

Who's a clever boy, then?

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Wolfgang
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 05:35 AM

Male coercion and the costs of promiscuous mating for female chimpanzees (New article in Proceedings of the Royal Society B)

The link may not be accessible to you, so here is a bit of the summary:

sexual coercion is the probable primary function of male aggression against females. Specifically, we show that male aggression is targeted towards the most fecund females, is associated with high male mating success and is costly for the victims.

Very humane behaviour. Beat her before making love.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 08:15 AM

Well, Ms. P., those "prurient tales" told over at "The Butcher's Arms" in Cheswick have certainly enhanced your reputation. Winnie can spin a tale, that's for certain! No one there would have thought you liked leather corsets and riding whips....

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 08:55 AM

I am not so keen on chimps since I saw the 'Trials of life' film in which a group of wild chimps trapped a monkey and ate it as they pulled it to pieces. I suppose humans can be and are as bad in many ways but we have to live with them.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:19 PM

And humans kill and eat chimps.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:23 PM

No but we allow dogs, whilst foxhunting, to tear a fox apart. Men kill each other for other peoples causes etc etc

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Bee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:28 PM

It's no surprise chimps are our closest relatives - we shouldda evolved from the ape ancestor who spawned the bonobos, definitely. What was Gawd thinking?!

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:34 PM

If Gawd loves Chimps, how come he made them so damn yewgly, is what I wanna know. If I were a doctor, I'd hire Chongo to stand outside my office making people feel sick.

A

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:56 PM

You could be a plastic surgeon and use him in the "Before" picture.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 03:08 PM

(snicker! snort!) Oh, there's gonna be hell to pay around here when "the hairy one" returns.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 03:46 PM

'Sokay, LH. I got a .45 too.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:08 PM

You waiting for the full moon, Hawk?

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:10 PM

Heh! Funny you should mention that...

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:12 PM

2 more days...

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Gurney
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 06:09 PM

There was a young girl from Dundee
who was raped by a Chimpanzee.
The result was quite horrid,
all balls and no forehead,
ate peanuts, and lived in a tree.



No wonder we humans keep them in cages.


Chongo seems fairly civilised though. Is he Scottish?

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: GUEST,Big Ape Louie
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 08:43 PM

Chongo Chimp. That little piece of...you know where the Boss found Chongo? Hanging in his bottom hair after he took a dump. And God might love chimps, but he sure didn't love Chongo, seeing the face He gave him. I dunno why Chongo ain't been around here much lately. Maybe the Boss finally flushed the can.

Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps!
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 03:27 PM

He's shacked up with some little bonobo on the East Side.