BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 09:03 PM

"Switzerland invades Liechtenstein and nobody notices! "

Least of all, Liechtenstein...

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: autolycus
Date: 03 Mar 07 - 06:18 AM

And I just heard some over-the-top Bach from Swiss musicians.

   So it wasn't Liechtenstein with the plan. It's the Swiss.

   And being bankers,I bet they've paid a year's rent on a battlefield already. [Thanks,Groucho.]





       ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: jeffp
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 08:21 PM

You gotta love it! Switzerland invades Liechtenstein and nobody notices!

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 06:06 PM

"Liechtenstein doesn't have an army"!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????

Boy, now I have heard it all. What a bald-faced lie! Those Liechtensteiners are ALL in the army, and they're armed to the teeth. Be prepared for the worst.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 07 - 12:57 PM

It's begun:

ZURICH, Switzerland (AP) -- What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered just over a mile across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

"We've spoken to the authorities in Liechtenstein and it's not a problem," Daniel Reist told The Associated Press.

Officials in Liechtenstein also played down the incident.

Interior ministry spokesman Markus Amman said nobody in Liechtenstein had even noticed the soldiers, who were carrying assault rifles but no ammunition. "It's not like they stormed over here with attack helicopters or something," he said.

Liechtenstein, which has about 34,000 inhabitants and is slightly smaller than Washington DC, doesn't have an army.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 07 - 08:48 AM

Filled with 2 lbs. of Panama Gold it lasted a guy I knew for all of Woodstock I and clear up to 1975.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: eddie1
Date: 27 Feb 07 - 04:54 AM

I have an alpenhorn. I couldn't play it but, filled with 2lb of St Bruno Rough Cut, it has been known to last me for a week-long Folk Festival. For smoking and cooking!

Eddie

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 27 Feb 07 - 04:09 AM

Rapaire, sssshhhhh, don't tell everyone about the beatings they'll think I'm starting to enjoy them!!!!!!!

Hit me with your rhythm stick, hit me, hit me (with apologies to Ian Dury).

But now, I must away to the secret place where the inflatable alpen horn is stored and make it ready to herald the start of the invasion.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 09:36 PM

Yes, with the emphasis on the first beat.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: leeneia
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 09:04 PM

Mingulay, you are so funny.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Mingulay
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 06:45 PM

But, have you noticed that Valduz is an anagram of Du Valz.

Yes, the invasion will be conducted in strict 3/4 time. So, by my incredible powers of deduction this thread can now go above the line. Alimentary my dear Watkins!

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Blindlemonsteve
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 04:30 PM

I just hope the 3 "L" coalition military isnt armed by the Swiss, have you seen the knives they have,,,, we could all get spooned, and have our teeth picked clean, not to mention our toenails trimmed. but i think the scissor attachment would only be for Officers.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 12:19 PM

That's where that oil tanker crashed some years ago. You remember the Exxoff Valduz. Well, the captain was a victim of Liechtensteiner sabotage!

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: leeneia
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 11:01 AM

Liechtenstein - its capital is Valduz.

What is THAT all about?

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Feb 07 - 08:40 AM

"by first taking over the Leicestershire underpant industry "

Sounds like the South Park Underpants Stealing Gnomes' 3 Step Plan for World Domination

1) Steal underpants

3) Take over the world


Part Two..... well, they haven't quite figured that bit out yet....

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 07:18 PM

Canada and the rest of North America isn't involved.

Yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: GUEST,Dickey
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 07:17 PM

I am counting on Sargent Preston and Dudley Do-Right for protection.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 05:41 PM

Mingulay, that's S-Plan, Option B(1)a(6). It's only to be undertaken if the "Chunnel" is ever truly completed AND the port of Danzig has fallen to the power of the Dutch fleet.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 05:37 PM

Well, I'm glad that there are at least a few other people out there who understand the gravity of the threat posed by Liechtenstein.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Mingulay
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 05:33 PM

Fools that you are, the Scheisskopf plan was first mentioned in the foreword to the 1912 edition of "Janes Fighting Drunks" and even then was intended only as a diversionary tactic. The real plan has always been to attack the soft underbelly of Europe by fist taking over the Leicestershire underpant industry and then flooding the market with cheap flannel drawers impregnated with itching powder. Then, when the whole male population had been driven to a mad, scratching frenzy an army of no more than 250 troops under the direction of Field Marshal Erich von Pfennigbanken would cycle calmly over the Alps and free wheel into Trieste disguised as Neopolitan ice cream vendors.

The locals would siezs on the ice cream as a way of easing their burning nether regions thereby immediately transferring the GNP of the area into the hands of the invaders and leaving themselves penniless and unable to mount any sort of defence.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 08:14 AM

Hmmm Rapaire,

I think I saw that in "Soft Beds, Hard Battles"

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 09:57 AM

Documents seen via Google Earth conclusively show that the S-Plan is to be put into effect at 0712. A feint, involved thousands of troops and military equipment, will be made towards France but the actual attack will be straight down the the Italian pennisula; the port of Naples is to be in Liechtensteiner hands before teatime.

It is thought that some in the Liechtenstein military establishment (know at "The Rectangle" from the shape of the headquarters building) consider the plan too ambitious and feel that the time for the occupation of Naples should be pushed back to bedtime.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 11:48 PM

Ah, yes...the dreaded "S" plan! It is named after the great Liechtensteiner Admiral Otto Ingemar Von Scheisskopf, Liechtenstein's WWI era genius of naval design and strategy. Admiral Von Scheisskopf assisted the Imperial German and Imperial Austrian fleets in the design of some superdreadnoughts which could have won the naval war for the Central Powers if they had been built and had ever gotten into combat.

One of them did reach the fitting out stage. The not very well known "Grosser Von Weltschmertz" left harbour in early 1918 and steamed into the Baltic. It was armed with an unprecedented amount of firepower: no less than 30 fifteen-inch guns in an incredible 10 triple turrets! This left the ship capable of no better than 17 knots top speed...but it was felt that the pride of the British Navy would not allow them to run away. They would fight, and the Von Weltschmertz would destroy them, one ship after another, with its mighty guns.

Sadly, this was not to be. The captain of the Grosser Von Weltschmertz made the terribly unfortunate...and in hindsight, reckless decision to train all 24 gun barrels to port and fire a simultaneous broadside! (the 6 barrels in the starboard wing turrets were not, of course, involved...leaving 24 barrels firing at 90 degrees to port)

The ship immediately capsized, rolling over to starboard, and was tragically lost in 800 feet of water, having never met the British navy in battle. 2600 German sailors died uselessly. It was a comparable disaster to the loss of the Swedish galleon "Vasa" in an earlier age, and it put a halt to all further naval construction in Germany.

When informed of the disaster, Admiral Weltschmertz flew into an apoplectic rage. "Idiots!" he screamed. "They should of course have fired a ripple volley, not a simultaneous volley of all guns! Fools! Nincompoops! Morons!"

In a classic passing of the blame, however, the Kaiser and the High Seas Fleet declared that it was all Admiral Scheisskopf's fault and that the design was fatally flawed. "That madman," declared the Kaiser, "has cost us a full year of naval construction for nothing! He should be shot!"

Admiral Von Scheisskopf did the only thing he felt he could do under the circumstances. He blew his brains out with a revolver on the front steps of the Liechtenstein Naval Academy. Thus perished the greatest naval mind of that era...perhaps of any.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 10:14 PM

The Liechtenstein Army has created a Secret Plan called the "Schiesskopf Plan" which will give the country a seaport or two. The "S-Plan" (as it is known) then calls for the immediate surrender and scuttling of the British Navy and replacement of "Rule, Britannia" with "Liechtenstein The Gem Of The Ocean," if copyright obstacles can be overcome.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 09:07 PM

The clock is ticking....

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 12:54 PM

Actually the Number is 423, although that does go via Switzerland...

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: eddie1
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 12:15 PM

Stevie D - is Luxembourg's first name Caroline?
Mingulay - The number shall be 208! (206 was one of the lesser demons. Horace Bachelor is well known as the inventor of mushy peas, curiously enough, the national dish of Liechtenstein!

Eddie

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 03:45 AM

So the number of evil is not 666 but 206. Cunning, very cunning. So, who was Horace Bachelor in reality and is he still pumping out his brainwashing adverts somewhere?

Watch this space --------->   [space]

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: GUEST,Stevie D
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 02:53 AM

Luxembourg must be really small, they had to put the national radio station on a boat.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 02:26 PM

It's always like that. The calm before the storm. It gives me quivering fetlocks just thinking about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Les from Hull
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 01:22 PM

I've been to Liechtenstein. It was quiet. Ominously quiet.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 01:15 PM

Smetana is from Litomysl in the Czech Republic. Are cities now joining the confederation?

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: eddie1
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 12:22 PM

I was wrong about Luxembourg. Must have been having a CRAFT moment (Cant Remember a F***ing Thing!)
Those of us of a certain age will know that Dan Dare - Pilot of the Future, lives in Luxembourg. I know that's true cos I used to listen to his radio show when I was little (under 6'6" anyway).
He wouldn't let anything happen to us.
Unless Liechtenstein have been bribing him with porn - gosh, you don't know who to trust do you?

Eddie

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:54 AM

He thought it was Liech This Stein. It's the only porno they ever produced.... or so they sayyyy.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: autolycus
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:47 AM

Do you mind if i don't ask what you were doing at Erotica 2006?

   And where was it held and when? How did you find out,oh,wait a cotten-pickin' minute - the Liechtenstein connection escapes me.





      Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:40 AM

Skipy, dear boy, I think you should apply a cold compress to your forehead and lay in a quiet, darkened room for a millenia or two for I fear that you are having an attack of the "fets". If this is not attended to with the utmost urgency you could end up with a nasty case of knee trembling and have to have your fetlocks retuned.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: skipy
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:04 AM

I thick I saw some Belgian waffle irons and treacle at Erotica 2006.
Do you think they will invade us in gimp suits?
Skipy
(only 43 weeks & 1 day to go - 302 days!)

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 08:38 AM

According to the World News section in my latest copy of the Isle of Arran Shoemakers Monthly, the three L's have now aligned themselves with the Federation Against the Rutland Takeover (FART) movement and have established a secret terrorist training centre in the abandoned village of Lower Hambleton. The peace and tranquility of rural England is now being disturbed by gangs of foreigners practising their black arts with the use of cunningly converted Belgian waffle irons and treacle.

I fear it may be too late to stop this new menace!!

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Nessie
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 06:02 AM

Botheration, blueclicky didn't work: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6215825.stm shows they've annexed 50 football pitches?!

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Nessie
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 05:57 AM

Few will have spotted their stealth expansionist policy, craftily disguised as 'new technology'

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: autolycus
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 05:26 PM

One of my grandfathers was from Lithuania ,(tho' his birthplace is now believed to be in Latvia - cunning or what?). So some Litvaks are aaallllreeaaaaadddy inside the UK - cunning or what).

   Aaaaaaaaaannnd I'm telling you all this - cunning or what?

   I'm lying low, watching Big Brother (for the handy hints) and listening to Smetana - cunning or what?
















    What was the question again?






    Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: GUEST,Stevie D
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 04:28 PM

Dont know if it helps, but i once went to Italy, they said we went though Luxembourg, and i do remember a motorway service station, they must have had memory erasing technology switched on low power, because i dont remember anything else, dont know if it helps, but it might just be a small brick in the wall that stops the small countries begginning with "L" coalition from invading us.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: eddie1
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 01:52 AM

These guys are obviously craftier than we think! They have to take over the civilised world in a subtle way - if they went for open aggression where would they put the prisoners of war?






Unless.................





They keep us in Austria and get us to commute daily?

Eddie

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Slag
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 01:43 AM

As Slag doffs his chapeau in a grand stage bow he hears the unmistakable rending of a seam in the seat of his emotions and blushingly departs the dais.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 11:12 PM

Your command of dramatic language never fails to delight me, Slag! With men like you at the barricades, we may yet stop Liechtenstein.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 10:35 PM

Rapaire, your lack of culinary refinement is astounding! Nobody eats deep-fried lard sticks anymore! All the finer eateries are serving their lard sticks lightly breaded and sautéd in yak butter!

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Slag
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 10:16 PM

The Liechtensteinian/ Luxumbourgonian Axilaria and Mammalaria reeks as an armpit of instability and yet presents the milk of Human Kine Ness to bewilder it's wooden enemies.

Jack Bauer, where are you , now that we need you??? Thank God we have Little Hawk.

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 09:26 PM

Yumm! Deep fat fried corn syrup! Served with a side order of deep fat fried lard sticks!

Man, you're talkin' REAL food here!

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 09:06 PM

It's about now somebody is bound to post the five year plan for converting English to German. In the US it's a 25 year plan, two decades to educate enough of the population that the rest of the world exists, and the same time on the words.

I hear a group not at all connected with the Lichtenstein Government was caught in West Africa trying to buy the raw ingredients for a truly terrifying weapon, a 300% cocoa chocolate. It will be distributed in target areas disguised in civilian wrappings, such as HEERshy bars, and is the start of a shock and awe campaign to introduce whole states to food that has not been deep fried, nor contains corn syrup. Casualties are expected to be high...

Subject: RE: BS: Liechtenstein's real plan.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 08:50 PM

France tried to rejoin England, I hear.

~S~