...And I'm Only Thikthteen (breasts & guitars)

Subject: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Bee
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 04:55 PM

You've heard the old joke: doctor with stethoscope says "Now miss, big breaths, and Miss replies "Yeth, doctor and I'm only thikthteen".

So this is sort of music related and sort of embarassing, and directed at any lady Catter guitarists who are well cushioned about the upper bout, so to speak: where do you hold your guitar? As I get more comfortable playing the guitar, I notice I'm holding it either very high on my chest (while seated) or else I'm dealing with a shelf effect which makes it hard to see what I'm doing. Standing and playing is worse. Any advice, observations...sympathy?

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: tarheel
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 05:11 PM

i like the one where the doctor is checking the kid over and says to the kid..."Cough!"
then the kid replies," now doc,i've heard of deep colds in my life,but that was rediculous!"
tar...

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 06:25 PM

Well you could get a dreadnought sized guitar that will stick out further than most breasts. Faith do a nice one called the Saturn - I got 2nd hand one last week for £150,but eveb new they're not expensive. If you're very rich, Gibson do one called a J200.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 06:34 PM

Oh, Bee, have we got a thread for you!! Just CLICK HERE and have fun reading what "Udder Mudders" had to say about this.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: GUEST,Scoville
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 07:55 PM

I'm not particularly, uh, well-padded but I've found actually that a slightly smaller guitar better accomodates female anatomy (I often use my mothers' Guild F-30, which is just a bit smaller and curvier than a dreadnought). That said, I've come to the conclusion that guitars were not designed for women. Mine tends to either squash things or, if I'm wearing one, causes my underwire to bite me.

I don't know if that helps--I never play sitting down.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Alba
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 08:04 PM

I hear ya Scoville, I have a Guild -F30 which I play now and again but especially at Sessions when sitting. It's smaller body accomodates my "bits" nicely !! :>o
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Bee
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 08:23 PM

That old thread is hilarious, thank you. ;-D

Um... weelittledrummer... I AM playing a dreadnaught...

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: jeffp
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 11:03 PM

Well, I'm sure there are a lot of fellas who would like to meet you.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Scoville
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 11:06 PM

Puts me in mind of the time our banjo player broke her middle finger and had it immobilized in one of those aluminum splints. She was afraid people would think she was flipping them off (as if it wasn't obvious that she couldn't help it . . .). Not really the same kind of attention, though, as that which you might get with your female anatomy peeking over your guitar.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 11:24 PM

Well rounded male folkies also ahve a problem, (particularly with bowl-backed guitars) with the guitar rolling off the stomach. This can be alleviated by playing the instrument more alongside oneself than in front of oneself. Presumably the same solution might assist in empowering and enabling the advantaged persons of gender under discussion.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 12:25 AM

I'm still stuck on "causes my underwire to bite me." Conjures up some "mad dog/underwire" images, it does!**bg**

I don't seem to have any problem with my lap dulcimer and my bits.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 12:36 AM

Some decades back, I remember a fine singer-guitarist around these parts who was singing a regular, long-term gig, six nights a week. She got pregnant, and as the months rolled by, of course her pregnancy got a whole lot more obvious. One evening she announced to the audience that this would be her last night singing there until some time after she had the baby.

"I'd keep on going for awhile more, if I could," she said, "but my arms are getting too short."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Scoville
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 01:03 AM

Hey--if you've ever been surprised by a biting underwire, it ain't pretty.

Lap dulcimers are like lap dogs--smaller, easier to manage, and better-tempered.



Ha! This thread was right above the "curtains and bras" one when I posted this. I was thinking either one might solve the problem.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Grab
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 05:40 AM

What does Dolly Parton do?

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 07:26 AM

Reminds me od a thread about reincarnation when Bert said he would come back as a certain lady catter's guitar.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: skipy
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 07:34 AM

Whaterever you do, DON'T put    guitar topless      into goole images with the search filter "off"
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 08:18 AM

Parton's solution

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 10:09 AM

Try resting one foot on a block (experiment with books to get different heights) and see if that doesn't shift the bout of the guitar under your right arm and out of the way. That works for me.

You can buy an adjustable footrest especially made for playing the guitar. However, I use a little thing called a Backrelax (made in Canada) that a friend gave me for my birthday.

At sessions you will often see a guitarist propping one foot upon the other. This is probably not good for the foot that's taking the weight.

You can let the guitar angle away from your body. The front of the guitar doesn't have to be perpendicular to the floor.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: eddie1
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 12:03 PM

Why not buy a Martin from their DD range.
If they don't have one, write and suggest they start it!

Eddie

(Posted while standing up - since reading about the biting underwear, I've been too scared to sit down)

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Grab
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 12:34 PM

Lap dulcimers are like lap dogs--smaller, easier to manage, and better-tempered.

I'm afraid all lap dogs I've ever seen have been nasty yappy little pieces of work that I've been tempted to drop-kick into the street. And sorry, but I don't like lap dulcimers either.

Now a hammered dulcimer is a different matter. But a hammered dulcimer in the lap could give rise to the occasional nasty rebound that probably has male Catters crossing their legs and wincing already....

Graham.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Gizmo
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 01:28 PM

I've been playing guitar for 14 years lady and lass, and being rather developed in the chest department, learnt at a young age to deal with the prob when sitting down - and it explains my posture.

When I sit down and play guitar, I naturally hold it slightly outwards at the bottom, and slouch down with my chest squashed and under it, avoiding the underwire bite. My chin almost rests on top of the guitar body, and I have found the wider the guitar, the more easier to rest the cleavage part of my chest onto the back of the guitar.

This does tend to give a strange angle to the posture though!

The other thing I do, is hold the guitar at a slight angle from the right, and sticking further out at the left.

This is a hard question the more I think about it. I guess my breasts have got a bit more squishy over the years and I've not noticed. Also as my chest grew, I automatically adapted.

Very rarely do I put a beer shelf on top of the guitar - although I reckon it would be a good lifting exercise.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 01:33 PM

Just be thankful that you're not playing an accordion.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: SharonA
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 03:17 PM

Bee, my sympathies... and empathies! My solution is a cross between your "part A" (sitting and holding the guitar high, with a shortened neck strap) and Gizmo's advice (leaning forward and angling the guitar neck outward). Here are the visuals:

I'm on the right in the 4th and 5th pix on this page...

...pix 1, 2 and 3 here...

...4th pic here (close-up)...

...and the 4th and 5th pix here, playing mandolin.

Sure makes it difficult to use a harmonica holder, though -- there's no room left for it!

Sharon (44DD)

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 03:53 PM

Well Gizmo, that sure explains a lot.... I am enlightened!! I just thought you had a strap too tight!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Bee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 06:27 PM

Sharon A and Gizmo, thanks! Great pics, Sharon. Leeneia, I have experimented with foot-raisers of various sorts. I think something like Sharon's solution is what I'm doing, but the guitar is more squarely in front of me.

As for Dolly, my observation is that she wears bras which are marvels of modern engineering, raising her assets to heights unknown in the natural world. She's otherwise a tiny person.

And I avoid underwires like the curse they are - if the lasses cannot make a stand with spandex, then they must needs fall.

Well! Now that's solved.... when your young tomcat stares fixedly into your face from three inches away with a look of total astonishment as you sing... is that a sign you shouldn't sing publicly?

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Gurney
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 04:04 AM

Obviously there is an opening here for an enterprising luthier. A guitar with two inward curves on top instead of one.

I understand that it 'pays to advertise.'


Sorry. Go back to being serious.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Flash Company
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 10:02 AM

There once was a famous detective,
Who said, 'Is my eye-sight defective?'
'Has your east tit the best
Of the tit in the west,
Or is it a trick of perspective?'

I'll get me coat!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 10:54 AM

I knew that girl -- I spent all day traipsing around the County Fir because she said she wanted to get weighed, and when I took her home she said she had a wousy time.

A

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 01:28 PM

"when your young tomcat stares fixedly into your face from three inches away with a look of total astonishment as you sing... is that a sign you shouldn't sing publicly?"

No, it means your cat is fascinated. It's when they yowl in a tone of protest that you have to worry. If you want to test this, try playing a sopranino recorder with a chipped windway. You will soon know what a protesting cat sounds like.)

About fifteen years ago, I got a cat after going without for many years. After she came, I realized that cats monitor all our activities, including speech. (Wouldn't you, if you lived with unpredictable giant creatures?) To a cat, singing is a new form of speech and must be checked out.

My husband is a great one for making sound effects as he tells stories. The cats know the difference between normal speech and a sound effect, and a new sound effect elicits a startled look followed by an assessment "He's not making a threat and he's not dying; everything is all right."

Enough about cats. What kind of music do you like to play? What are your favorite songs? I'm always looking for new ideas.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Gizmo
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 04:04 PM

LOL Liz.

What strap too tight - guitar or bra?

In fact I think some enterprising designer should come up with the ultimate guitar bra - the music players (Please note thatt I am trying desperately to stay out of the gutter) equivalent of a sports one.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Scoville
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 04:31 PM

Or it means you had tuna for dinner.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Bee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 06:25 PM

Leeneia, I'm a middle aged learner, had my guitar for a year now, and so I've been trying to learn all the songs I ever liked that are within my reach, which makes for a mixed bag. I like UK and NA folk, blues, bluegrass, Cape Breton Celtic. The collection of songs I can play now includes the likes of Matty Groves, Two Magicians (tough one!), Wild Goose (Wade Hemsworth), ST. John's Waltz (Ron Hynes), Omie Wise (Doc Watson version, sorta), Peggy Gordon, Springhill Mine Disaster (I'm a Nova Scotian, have to know that one), Rider in the Rain (R. Newman), Tennessee Waltz, City of New Orleans, Voodoo Queen Marie, Philadelphia Lawyer, Streets of Laredo, Saint James Infirmary, and a slew of others, but that'll give you an idea. Yourself?

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: GUEST,jimlad
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 05:50 AM

Bee

Your choice of songs whilst eclectic is absolutely superb Matty Groves,Two Magicians,Sringhill Mine Disaster,Peggy Gordon and some others are in my all time 'top ten'.If it wasn't for the bit of water between us I would come and listen to what I am sure is a melodious voice. I wouldn't join in cos' Cruella-de-Wife says I could not "carry a tune in a bucket".

If you release a CD let me know,I will buy one for starters.

Good Luck Lass

Jim ( Old Bugger)

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:17 AM

I have a guitar but don't play it much anymore. A friend plays it more than I do. When I do play, I use a thumbpick to bring out the bass.

Some of my favorites songs to sing and play, however, are
Stewball was a race horse
Come all you pretty maidens, wherever you be
On top of old Smokey
Beautiful savior
The Water is Wide
Ah, lovely meadows

My voice isn't loud, and I like gentle songs.

Subject: RE: BS: ...And I'm Only Thikthteen
From: Bee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:30 AM

Thank you, Jimlad, but I doubt I'll be producing too many CDs. I like singing a lot, and learning to play was the only way I'd get to sing some of these songs - I'm kinda in Folkie Limbo where I live.

Leeneia, I tried using a thunbpick, but found it kind of painful. My bass line is very soft: I'm still trying to remember to use that thumb. My listeners initially complained my voice was not loud enough, so I've learned to sing louder - in my case it was a matter os shyness. Nice tunes! Although I spent so many years singing children's parodies of Old Smokey that I won't learn to play it.