Review: Worst Song by a professional musician

Subject: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Blindlemonsteve
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 03:22 PM

This might raise a few surprises,,,, what the worst song you have ever heard, that was written by a proffessional musician...
Mine has to "Having My Baby" by Paul Anka.... oh my god, it´s pure torture...

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: alanabit
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 03:30 PM

We have had this thread a few times. Your candidate was the choice of many other posters!

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: oldhippie
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:11 PM

"Movin' Out" - Billy Joel

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Alec
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:22 PM

"Wiggle,wiggle" Bob Dylan.
Having lit the blue touchpaper I think I'd better stand well back.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:31 PM

To be interesting it'd have to be worst song by someone worth listening to in the first place. So "Wiggle wiggle" is a good choice.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,Ken Brock
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:41 PM

To my ear, I think "Having My Baby" would work in counterpoint to the Pachelbel canon, and maybe the harpsichord break in "In My Life". I don't hae the chops to try it out.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: bill kennedy
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:46 PM

so many - wait there can only be one worst - so my vote is for

the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot

followed closely by Cols Missouri Waters by James Keellaghan

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: bill kennedy
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:46 PM

that's Cold Missouri Waters brrr, it's bad

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:55 PM

I agree empatically with all of the above, except Edmund Fitzgerald, which I think is an excellent song that achieves exactly what it is supposed to, and in a very atmospheric way. I don't Lightfoot was capable of writing a really bad song.

"Wiggle Wiggle" is pretty amazing (I mean in the bad sense), but Bob's done a few really odd ones from time to time. He can get away with that.

"Havin' My Baby" is also my choice for the absolute worst of all time. Go Paul!!!

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,, Bat Goddess at Work
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 04:58 PM

How about just about any traditional song done by a non-folk musician along with the Chieftains?

Linn

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Jim Lad
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 05:03 PM

Barret's Privateers by Stan Rogers.
Oh. I should've kept that to myself!

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: bubblyrat
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 05:09 PM

I realise that this may be tantamount to blasphemy to some of you, but Dougie Maclean"s " Caledonia" always makes me wince a bit . Sorry !!

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Jim Lad
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 05:14 PM

That's alright bubblyrat. You've taken the first step.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,DonMeixner
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 06:00 PM

"The Old Man" and "The Voyage" are vomitous no matter who does them.

Don

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: number 6
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 06:07 PM

"Green Green Grass of Home" by Tom Jones.

biLL

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 07:37 PM

"Horse With No Name".

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Maryrrf
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 07:58 PM

I'll second "The Voyage"!

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 07:59 PM

My Dingaling by Chuck Berry is stupid, infantile and other things I won't mention. I saw old Chuck recently and he had his daughter on stage and sang it with her. I found it even more horrible to witness that spectacle than hearing it had been. And Chuck has written some of the greatest songs in rock n roll. Go figure.
Paul McCartney has written some real crap as well as some of the greatest pop songs of all time. How about "Someone's Knockin at the Door"? "Live and Let Die"?
Sting "Doodoodooodoo Dadadada". Need I say more?
How about Lou Reed? I loved the Velvet Underground, but for some reason the one song everyone wants to hear by them is "Heroin", an excruciating, headache inducing series of aimless sections which increase in pace and volume and just when you're sure it's finally over, Mo Tucker starts banging the redundant drum intro to yet another segment.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 08:04 PM

Any and all R&B/Rock covers performed by (tah-dah!) my favorite and yours...James Taylor.
John

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Ref
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 10:11 PM

Jeebus, the snark is out on this thread. You've gotta differentiate between "worst song" and "song I've heard too often." Being a Unitarian, I'd nominate "Spirit Of Life" in both categories. I know that Dave Barry did a big putdown of Edmund Fitzgerald, but c'mon. First, he's a Republican, which means he approves of Wayne Newton, and second, he was criticizing it as a pop song, which it ain't. And WHAT is the problem with Cold Missouri Waters. Keelaghan wrote it after reading "Of Young Men And Fire." It's a great song in that context. How about no more "This song sucks" unless you can give reasons why?

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Greg B
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 01:00 AM

How about 'Love Will Keep Us Together' by Neil Sedaka (credited
in the tag line by Captain and Teneille)?

Nearly anything by Barry Manilow?

I have to differ with 'Movin' Out' though. It captures some
really distinctive North Joisey-isms, especially if you've
every lived or worked in Bergen (Boigen) and Hudson Counties,
where you'll find Hackensack-ack-ack-ack. It addresses very well the
BS materialism which exists amongst terrible, crowded-together
aluminum-sided bi-level shoeboxes lining the Parkway. There,
guys really did take a second job tending bar in order to trade
in their Chevy for a Cadillac-ac-ac-ac. And if you recall just
what awful superficial pieces of junk Caddies were in the late
70's, the song really takes on new meaning.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 01:02 AM

I'd have to go with "Muskrat Love" and "Having My Baby".

A

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 07:16 AM

'When Did You Leave Heaven?' by the Bob, or ''Laughing Gnome' by David Bowie.

Dear oh dear.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,Mr Red who is toooooooooo polite to cast asp
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 07:25 AM

Well this is the exact situation I trip out Sturgeons Rule

Theodore Sturgeon - Sci-Fi writer par excellance said
nine tenths of everything is crud

and by the same token and equally true is that only one tenth falls into the really good or really gawdawful. But I will challenge your 10% even without you having the information to rubbish my rubbish - if you see what I mean.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: kendall
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 08:01 AM

Achy braky heart, or I love a rainy night. Pure garbage.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 08:06 AM

After The Loving by Englebert Humperdink.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Ross
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 08:06 AM

What about Handels Messiah by the Wombles featuring Valerie Singleton?

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Scoville
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:08 AM

I like "Edmund Fitzgerald", but I'll have to second the vote for "My Ding-A-Ling". What a waste of magnetic tape.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,Peter T.
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:13 AM

Deeply as I revere them, the Beatles, post Beatles, collectively have written more dreck per square inch than anyone I can think of. The grim part is that people kept buying the stuff in dwindling droves.

yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Scrump
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:15 AM

Any cover of a 1960s hit by a 2000s band.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,Dave Hunt
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:15 AM

The late great Kenny Everett had a radio series of the (100?)worst songs ever - and God were they awful - I seem to remember one by Jess Conrad (This Jumper? or somesuch garbage)and the one that came top -(or bottom really) was a song about necrophilia. I do somewhere have a tape of the whole set of programmes - but where it is now who knows - and probably best left there
Dave

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,Bill Kennedy
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:24 AM

"And WHAT is the problem with Cold Missouri Waters. Keelaghan wrote it after reading "Of Young Men And Fire." It's a great song in that context." In what context and how does context matter? Paul ANka wrote "She's Having My Baby" after finding out someone was having his baby. Is it a great song in that context? Keelaghan read a good book and wrote a LOUSY song, horrible lyrics, tortured to accomodate a simplistic rhyme and then ruining a goos song, "Shenandoah" by association, though no real connection between either in terms of events or period, too stupid a song to discuss. Likewise 'Edmund Fitzgerald' badly written, ridiculous instrumentation, a stupid simple meolody.

My vote for another is 'Take her in Your Arms' by Andy M. Stewart -
pure and utter dreck

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,Wayne
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:51 AM

There are many songs that I like mentioned on this thread. Don't know what says about my taste in music!

Gordon Lightfoot is one of the greatest songwriters, I reckon, but he has given us the odd clunker to keep us on our toes (Canary Yellow Canoe? Spanish Moss?? Same Ol' Loverman???)but a few duff tracks in half a century is a pretty good strike rate.

More recently, Bellowhead's horrible version of Flash Company makes me want to punch strangers, and any of the deceased karaoke queen, Eva Cassidy cover versions are dreadful.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Mooh
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:53 AM

Billy Don't Be A Hero by whoever it was. Colour My World by Chicago. Yeah, and Having My Baby. Black Velvet Band by anyone who does it. Any number of new country songs.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Alec
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:54 AM

Paper Lace were the guilty parties, Mooh.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Elettra
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:10 AM

Anything by Bobby Goldsboro, especially "Honey". Ugh.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,Wayne
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:16 AM

Slightly surprised that Seasons in the Sun hasn't reared it's syruppy head yet! Having said that it's parent album is chock full of excellent songs. Decent writer, Terry Jacks.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,porkchop
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:22 AM

"Afternoon Delight"

I get sick just saying it.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Scrump
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:23 AM

The late great Kenny Everett had a radio series of the (100?)worst songs ever - and God were they awful - I seem to remember one by Jess Conrad (This Jumper? or somesuch garbage)and the one that came top -(or bottom really) was a song about necrophilia

I think the latter was "I Want My Baby Back" by Jimmy Cross (where he digs up his girlfriend's grave after she was killed in a car or motorcycle crash).

The Jess Conrad one was called "This Pullover". There was an album issued with the "World's Worst Records" voted by the listeners to the show, and Jess Conrad had two or three tracks on it, more than anyone else.

Actually I liked one or two of them, like the Trashmen's Surfin' Bird, and Transfusion by Nervous Norvus. Maybe I shouldn't admit it but what the heck.

See this site for details of the records played on the shows.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Willie-O
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:29 AM

This thread exemplifies why I don't spend much time around here anymore. Again and again and again someone thinks they're clever by starting a thread to put down "Having My Baby"--which like most of Mr Anka's material is just as awful as everyone says it is. Pointing that out doesn't make for insightful reading.

If you were half as clever as you thought you were, you would start by learning to spell "professional".

Anyone who thinks "Cold Missouri Waters" isn't one of the greatest contemporary ballads, let alone that it's the worst anything: I challenge you to do better with the story. Wait, what's that I hear? Silence? Huh, what a surprise.

Gosh, I'm surprised none of you critical geniuses has gotten to "McArthur Park" yet, at least this time around.

Finally, if you must recycle this thread concept, realize that terrible songs are still being written and broadcast as we speak--by "proffesionals" like Gordie Sampson. "Jesus Take The Wheel" totally cracks me up every time I hear it (too often, even though I avoid those "No Country" stations like black ice or the Bates Motel.) Not only one of the worst songs, but definitely the worst winter driving advice ever!

Pray continue, without me.
W-O

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:46 AM

I Love You Just the Way You Are by What's His Name.

What the lyrics actually mean:

"Don't go trying some new fashion,
Costs me money,don't you know
Keep on wearing those old rags
I love you just the way you are.

Don't want clever conversation
tum tum tum tum tum tum tum tum
Just want someone that I can talk TO
I don't wanna be bothered with what's on YOUR mind.


Plus,he sings flat.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,GordonT
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:02 AM

Little Boxes by Pete Seeger.Usually your hear the live version with an audience of smug middle-class lefties tittering in the background.
Horse With No Name,that someone above mentioned is bloody awful too,because of its pretentiousness.
Black Velvet Band is often murdered because people are under the misapprehension that its an irish song,(its english)so they copy the Dubliners' ghastly interpretation.Its one of those songs that is great to sing - but not always so great to listen to.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Jim Lad
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:03 AM

Willie Oh!: You'd have been far more effective if you could have just resisted the temptation to add one more song to the list.
Hey! I played for Gordie's grandmother a couple of times. His mother and aunts all sing a song "The Night Watchman" (similar theme to "The Curtains of Night"). Beautiful piece of work, as are all of the ladies mentioned above.
Come back Willie. We'll miss you.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Bee
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:49 AM

I'll agree with Willie's choice though - what was Gordie thinking, what with the black ice we get around here! Followed by 'Okie from Muskogee', which I've loathed since the first time I heard it.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: GUEST,Bill Kennedy
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 12:49 PM

Little Boxes is by Malvina Reynolds, not Pete Seeger

W-O if the world NEEDED a 'ballad' (sic) about fire jumpers, any number of people might write a better one, BUT your's is like the republican/Bush argument to the democrats to come up with a better solution to Iraq. It ignores or attempts to divert attention from the problems they created. Someone's ability or lack thereof to write a better song would have nothing to say about the quality of the song itself in question by Mr. Keelaghan, which stinks, in my humble opinion.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: oldhippie
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 06:40 PM

Aw, Ref, I don't agree. I'm a Unitarian also, and "Spirit Of Life" is a favorite. Carolyn McDade is a fine writer. I think the worst song encountered in Unitarian groups, and probably the most oversung, is an African circle chant "Tue Barima".

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Bugsy
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 06:58 PM

TEDDYBEAR!! & TEDDYBER'S LAST RIDE by Red Sovine!

When I used to run a folk club in Perth West Aus, I played "TeddyBear" on the house cassette player just before the break, with a remark like,"If you think that Folk Music has some songs to slit your wrists by, get a load of this!" by the time we got half way through the song half the audience was rolling on the floor laughing.

CHeers


Bugsy

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Teresa
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 07:00 PM

William Shatner's version of "Rocket Man". :-P

I love it,because it's the worst thing I've ever heard.

Teresa

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: fumblefingers
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 07:08 PM

"Transfusion" by Nervous Norvus, circa 1955. The worst rock and roll song ever written or inflicted on the public.

Subject: RE: Review: Worst Song by a proffessional musician
From: Elaine Green
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 07:15 PM

And now for the ultimate blashphemy, and this from a true Dylan fan, who thinks he ranks with Shakespeare and has no other peers.

Here it it - EVERYTHING on Nashville Skyline.

Running and hiding, now!