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Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue)

GUEST,cmt49 03 Feb 07 - 09:44 AM
alanabit 04 Feb 07 - 08:47 AM
Little Robyn 04 Feb 07 - 01:13 PM
Jim Dixon 05 Feb 07 - 10:43 PM
GUEST,. 06 Feb 07 - 09:17 PM
GUEST,cmt49 06 Feb 07 - 11:07 PM
Dave Hunt 07 Feb 07 - 06:43 PM
GUEST,HughM 08 Feb 07 - 08:13 AM
GUEST,cmt49 08 Feb 07 - 09:28 PM
GUEST,Jenny in Perth WA 29 Sep 08 - 01:30 PM
Charley Noble 29 Sep 08 - 06:00 PM
Gurney 30 Sep 08 - 03:27 AM
GUEST,Shields Lad 20 Oct 08 - 05:09 AM
Dave Hunt 20 Oct 08 - 06:13 AM
Little Robyn 20 Oct 08 - 02:44 PM
GUEST,Jenny in Perth WA 10 Feb 09 - 10:22 PM
GUEST 04 Aug 13 - 03:54 PM
GUEST 04 Aug 13 - 04:09 PM
McGrath of Harlow 05 Aug 13 - 02:47 PM
GUEST,Graham 20 Dec 15 - 11:02 AM
GUEST,Malcolm Storey 21 Dec 15 - 07:23 AM
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Subject: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: GUEST,cmt49
Date: 03 Feb 07 - 09:44 AM

When I lived in Leeds in the 70's, a one-armed blacksmith at the Adelphi Folk Club used to recite monologues, with much waving of arm and empty sleeve, including one called the Building of the Pyramids. In this version of the story, the workers toiling on the pyramids were Irish. Moses, after several unsuccessful plagues, finally got it right when he put 'a blight on the Gyp Guiness,' and they had to let his people go.
I remember only one piece of it:

'Now Moses was driving a dumper,
At the site of Pharoah's new tomb.
He said: They should have cremated the bugger -
It wouldn't half have saved 'em some room!'

Anyone remember the rest?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: alanabit
Date: 04 Feb 07 - 08:47 AM

Refresh. This sounds like fun, so I am putting it to the top again, in the hope that it will jog someone's memory.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: Little Robyn
Date: 04 Feb 07 - 01:13 PM

There's a dialect monologue in the Geordie Bible that I heard Danny Spooner do 30 years ago but it's a bit different.
The lads were working on the pyramids...........and they ran out of Newcastle Broon.
Robyn


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Feb 07 - 10:43 PM

The best web site for monologues is Make 'Em Laugh, but I couldn't find one there that fits your description. There are several that mention the pyramids though, or Moses.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyrami
From: GUEST,.
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 09:17 PM

Too good to let this one die.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: GUEST,cmt49
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 11:07 PM

Thanks Jim Dixon for the link to Make 'Em Laugh. From Flanders and Swan to seaside postcards. What a treasure trove!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 06:43 PM

Louis Killen had several bible stories in Geordie - the one about Moses included a bit about the Pyramids - and parting the Red Sea - and much more!...(e.g. An' aae the cuddy chariota an' aae the cuddy chariot drivers gannin' tappie-lappie doon the lonnin.....)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: GUEST,HughM
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 08:13 AM

Can't remember the monologue, but the one-armed blacksmith was Walter Greaves of Craven Forge between Skipton and Kildwick, on the A650 and with the Leeds-Liverpool Canal behind it. At one time the council tried to throw him out of the premises because they were considered untidy. I remember there was a petition raised to allow him to stay. If I remember rightly, it succeeded.
   He was also well-known to cycling enthusiasts in the area and had continued cycling (even long distances) after losing his arm, in a car accident I believe. The arm was amputated just above the elbow and he could use the remaining stump to hold a workpiece on the anvil while hammering it with his other arm.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: GUEST,cmt49
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:28 PM

HughM - What a buzz to hear from someone who remembers him! I think he told me the arm was lost in a battle between motorbike and lampost. He gave me a lift home once (in a car, thannk God). It transpired that the stump could also be used for holding the steering wheel while he reached across underneath with his other arm to change gear. Lovely guy.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE PYRAMIDS (from Stan Hastings)
From: GUEST,Jenny in Perth WA
Date: 29 Sep 08 - 01:30 PM

In Perth, in the 70s and 80s, there was a folk club called the Stables run by Stan Hastings who had a wonderful repertoire of humour. He used to do this monologue and this is it, to the best of my memory. Now he may have changed the odd word along the way, but I think this version is pretty complete! Enjoy it all!


THE PYRAMIDS

In Biblical days, so the good book says, the pyramids grew very big.
The contractor's name was Pharaoh, and he was a right old pig.

He had all sorts of gangsters armed to the teeth, and he paid them time and a half,
With a bonus every Boxing Day, in the shape of a fatted calf.

They roamed the country far and wide, kidnapping women and kids,
And all sorts of Jewish brickies to work on the pyramids.

If your father carried a hod, or your mother drove a mixer,
You could bet the old ones' pension that Pharaoh's baddies would fix her.

You weren't allowed to make a brew, and if they caught you having a sarni,
The 'gyptians would likely do their nuts and Pharaoh would go barmy.

McDonalds and KFC weren't going then, and there wasn't any union,
Just Pharaoh's chargehands with their rawhide whips, and the treatment was something inhuman!

Now Moses was driving his dumper one day, on the site of Pharaoh's new tomb.
"You'd think they'd cremate the bugger," he said. "It wouldn't half save them some room!"

"Oh, Moses save us," his people cried, "from this wicked captive fate."
And Joshua, being a prophet, said, "We'll beat them, in uh … 1968!"

"That's a right lot of help," said Moses, "but don't you take this amiss,
'Cause I've had the hard word from the heavy gang upstairs, and the position, roughly, is this:

Two big angels took me up on the mountain, and they sat me down on a rock,
And they shoved a choc-ice into me hand, it was all a bit of a shock;

And playing their harps, they said 'Moses, don't you give up hope!'
And they showed me a film called 'The Ten Commandments', in colour and Cinemascope!

All our mob came out on the winning end, 'cause Pharaoh's shower got sunk,
'Cause we opened the lock gates on the Suez Canal the night that we done the bunk!

Then the boss upstairs in a vision says, 'It's a piece of cake, Mose, you know.
Just go on the bounce to Pharaoh and say, "Hey, let my people go!"'"

So Moses went to Pharaoh and he caught him on the hop.
He was making plans for a pyramid with a revolving caf on the top.

"Now listen here, mush," says Moses. "You've hung onto us, you know,
But if you saw what happened to Yul Brynner, you'd let my people go!"

"Get outta here!" roared Pharaoh, "or I'll have youse all on nights,
And don't come here with all that fanny about a load of civil rights!"

"Oh, well, you've had it now," said Moses. "This is the bloody finish.
I'm gonna get Gabriel and a couple of angels to mokker your draft Guinness!"

And raising his eyes to the heavens, he called down the heavenly wrath.
From this day forth, the Guinness is flat. On the top there'll be no froth!

It'll never pull out of the barrels. It'll squirt from out of the pumps.
It'll rot in all the pipelines and clog in dirty big lumps."

"On your bike!" roared Pharaoh. "You wouldn't dare curse the ale!"
"Oh, wouldn't we then!" sneered Moses, and all the Egyptians turned pale.

"Hey boss," they said as one, "you'd better let his people go!
For if the old draft Guinness goes on the blink, we'll hand in our whips, you know.

Bugger you and your pyramids! If there's no Guinness, we'll all go slow.
And if he's got friends in heaven, you'd better let his people go!"

"You rats, you cowards!" said Pharaoh. "You shower of yellow gits!
If you had to go and fight a war, I'd hate to be taking bets!

All right, Moses, you've won," he said. "Take all your mob out of me sight.
I'll lend you a couple of lorries. Be gone by tomorrow night."

So they all packed into these vehicles and away the Israelites went,
And Pharaoh, he done a dance of rage on top of his battlements.

Now Aaron says to Moses, "Hey Mo, that was a bit strong.
Would you really have knackered the 'gypt's Guinness? That would have been awful wrong."

"No, lad, I was bluffing," said Moses. "I was bluffing from start to finish.
I couldn't do a thing like that, especially to Guinness!"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyrami
From: Charley Noble
Date: 29 Sep 08 - 06:00 PM

Thanks for posting this, Jenny, from your corner of this very wide world!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: Gurney
Date: 30 Sep 08 - 03:27 AM

I once heard another great Aussie monologue, about a joker who was introduced to the Bible for the first time. He told his mates about it, and the only bit I can remember is "And he slaughtered 40,000 Philipinos with the arsebone of a Jew...."

I'll have to have another look at Paul's site.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: GUEST,Shields Lad
Date: 20 Oct 08 - 05:09 AM

Picking up on Dave Hunt's mention (7 Feb 07) of Louis Killen's Geordie tale of the Pyramids and the flight of the Israelites from Egypt, I first heard this in the Marsden Inn, South Shields, in the late 1960s. I remember the parting of the Red Sea: "There were a waall o'watter on the one side, and a waall o'watter on the t'other...", and the fate of the Egyptians following them: "...aall the buggers was droonded."
Can anyone point me at the whole story, please? I can't find a reference on Louis Killen's own site.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 20 Oct 08 - 06:13 AM

From the above -'and the fate of the Egyptians following them: "...aall the buggers was droonded."

And I remember the ending was -'all exceptin' one poor Edge-eyepshiun, who come a-strugglin' an' a-spluterrin' to the top - 'Help me he cried' and Moses was taaken with pity, and pointing Aarons shot rod at him said --'Droond yer bugger, droond'


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids
From: Little Robyn
Date: 20 Oct 08 - 02:44 PM

That's the way Danny Spooner did it too, back in 1973.
Droon ya booga, droon!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue)
From: GUEST,Jenny in Perth WA
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 10:22 PM

Hi again (actually from Bundaberg Queensland now!)

Recently my Mum died, and while clearing out her things, I happened on an old cassette tape with a recording of Stan Hastings reciting this monologue! So naturally I checked my memory and realise I did pretty well, but there are a few changes. Rather than re-post the whole thing, I'll just describe the change:

Add in between verses 4 and 5 as above:

They'd put 'em to work on the tarmac and they'd leave them on permanent nights
You couldn't go home, and the digs were prefabs that were built on Pharoah's sites

After vs 17 as above, where Moses threatens to mokker the Guiness, this is the correct sequence of couplets:

"On your bike!" roared Pharoah, "you wouldn't dare curse the ale!"
"Oh wouldn't we then!" sneered Moses, and all the Egyptians turned pale.

Then Moses, with a godlike thunder said, "You've brought down the heavenly wrath
From this day forth the Guiness is flat, on the top there'll be no froth!

And any Egyptian that sups a pint, he'll have bad guts, that's no flannel
And you'll all have to go on the Pat and Mick sick, for 6 weeks, with no panel.

It'll rot its way out of the barrels, it'll squirt from out of the pumps
It'll never pour into the glasses cause it will clog in dirty big lumps".


That's it ... as correct as Stan Hastings had it back in the 1980s!

Regards
Jenny


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue)
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 03:54 PM

I think the Pyramids story are various folk-process versions of a script I gave to Jim Irvine at the Marsden Inn about 1964- twin brothers ( and non-folkies) John & Terry Greenwell of South Shields had it from a regular at the Grey Hen, in Harton. Jim did a great job of it, and I think Louis got it from him- I'd hesitate to say it was any kind of 'original' version but the Marsden club was only months old at that time & I think it was how it got into the folk clubs. I still have the script somewhere....
Scott Dobson, a stage Geordie, issued a collection of Bible stories some years later


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue)
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 04:09 PM

Went down well at the folk club


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue)
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 02:47 PM

"Walter Greaves the one-armed blacksmith" - sounds almost mythological...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue)
From: GUEST,Graham
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 11:02 AM

I, too, remember the Pyramids story (I knew it as the 'Flight of the Israelites') at the Marsden Inn, South Shields in the late 60s, while I was a student at the Marine School.
To 'Guest' of 04 Aug 2013: who are you? Did you ever find that script? Will you (or anyone) share it with us, please?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue)
From: GUEST,Malcolm Storey
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 07:23 AM

Johnny Handle used to recite some of the Geordie Bible monologues.

I only recall the lines

Nae straw
Why man how can we make bricks wi nae straw?

Hopefully this will jog someone else's memory.


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