BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw

Subject: BS: SinsullAttemptsToKillSpaw
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:31 PM

It was of course all planned from the first and I was possibly just too dumb to see it. It was so easy to be enamored of and to laugh at the many annoying and goofus toys that came my way and I was lulled into a false sense of good humor and friendship.

The singing reindeer and the twisting, vibrating, singing, turkey were both a pain in the ass but somehow cute as well. I should have figured something was up when the Lionel train clocks arrived with their mind blowing, heart stopping, alarm, every hour on the hour. With the number of repairs I have had on my heart it was amazing that I didn't go into V-tac! Other things came along and I was always amazed at their annoyance quotient yet considered them harmless outside of the required shrink visits and mind numbing drugs required to have them in your home.

And then along came the Dancing Chicken. You pressed the button on his wing and he did his little chicken dance which freaked the cats but generally brought a smile to one and all around at the time. He was so cute and funny that he whiled away his off time just sitting on the table or drainboard where one and all might enjoy the occasional dance and cat freakout. The other day he refused to dance and we thought perhaps his batteries were dead and replaced them. But this was where the problems occurred as he was obviously rigged to do us in.

Karen and I were playing a few hands of Rummy at the table. I went over to the corner cabinet and then the stove to check on supper when Karen asked, "Do you smell something burning?" I whiffed and glanced at the stove where the pot roast was happily cooking in the oven and the green beans on the stove top. I was about to say no but then...

KAREN: "Hey! The Chicken's smoking!"
PAT: "Huh?"
KAREN: "The Chicken is smoking!"
PAT(still staring at stove): "What the hell are you talking about?"
KAREN: "I think the Chicken's burning!!!"
PAT: "I'm not cooking chicken."
KAREN: "No you idiot....THE CHICKEN!"

I finally saw things as they were and sure enough by this time a nice little bit of smoke was rolling off of the fox trotting fowl. I picked him up and moved him to the sink, running a bit of water up his ass and onto his smoking battery pack. Popping the batteries out solved the problem but the happy little bird was a goner and so was my confidence that Sinsull was a friend as she had obviously just tried to kill us. But the worst of it was, the Chicken was fried.

We went into mourning realizing that our lives would never again be the same. We had to DO something. Being complete idiots there was but one thing to do. We needed another Chicken. Today, this cousin of our now departed fried fowl arrived and is even more ridiculous. We got him from another site and I see that the linked site is out of stock so he must be a popular guy!

This insanity on our part does not forgive Sister Sinsull. The Authorities will be round to question you I am sure...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SinsullAttemptsToKillSpaw
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:33 PM

Fowl play!

Subject: RE: BS: SinsullAttemptsToKillSpaw
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:39 PM

Damn! You say they're sold out?????????   They can't be! I must have one!

I guess it's off to Ebay again....where I am still trying to obtain an inflatable Hillary Clinton doll...but with no success. (sigh) As for the "Dancing, Singing, Choke-the-Chicken Doll", I bet the bidding goes through the roof on those things.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:41 PM

Good thing about chickens,

you invest a few bucks but you get loads back.




















Buck buck buck ... etc ...

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: GUEST,Little Stack
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:43 PM

The tobacco companies used to force Beagles to smoke but I don't know about chickens

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Jeri
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:45 PM

Chickens got suicide bombers now...

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:45 PM

A scurrilous lie! Beagles love smoking and will do it whenever they get the chance.

(the above statement provided by your local friendly and honest tobacco industry spokesman)

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:50 PM

Available Birds

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:51 PM

I was hoping that was a dating agency

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:51 PM

I was always told that 'choking the chicken' would make you go blind...or grow hair on your palms. NOW it's an industry!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:53 PM

Ah - it's the last resort dating agency then ...

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 06:55 PM

Look, if you want to kill someone, there are better, more efficient ways than this. Somebody should tell SINSULL.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:03 PM

I like the Pig Catapult and the Chicken Chucker myself!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: ranger1
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:08 PM

Spaw, what did you do to that poor, innocent chicken to cause it to commit suicide? As if the poor thing wasn't traumatized enough by Seamus chewing on it before it even got to your house!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:18 PM

Best laugh of the day, thanks

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: GUEST,hg
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:27 PM

Sorry, gal...I can't send you the contract money...

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:40 PM

Spaw, sounds like you put a used battery in the chicken. Be sure that all batteries are fresh. If one is weaker, you'll get an exposion or sparks and heat (I did that with a flashlight once, which is why I know. And if you read the instructions in with battery operated items, they tell you to avoid that situation).

How can you be holding Sinsull accountable for operator error?

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:41 PM

$21.99?
Are you insane? I got the original for $.25 at a yard sale. How did he catch fire? The battery pack or he was sitting on an active burner? I am confused and hurt - I would NEVER send a harmful gift to Karen and the boys.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:42 PM

I am laughing so hard I am crying. How is the singing/jiggling turkey doing?
Love,
Auntie SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:43 PM

Were Paw and the Reg Boys around to witness this? Cletus?

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: folk1e
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:52 PM

You arn't in a certain part of America are you Spaw?
If you were and the chickens batteries got fried you could have ...... KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 07:52 PM

spaw, My sense of humor is often a form of perceptual art, ephemeral and puzzling.

At a large doctor's office complex around noon I saw the name, Dr. Jerry Goldman. MMR EEG... while waiting for the elevator, so I opened the door and said to the receptionist gate keeper in clear ear shot of the entire waiting room, "Tell Jerry that our tee time at Congressional at 12:30 is canceled" and I got on the elevator.

Then at the airport I surrepticiously dropped a small unopenable stainless steel box under my chair in which I had stenciled "Sense of Humor - if lost please return to Homeland security.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 08:03 PM

I think Spaw ius witholding critical evidence -- namely, that he got up late at night the night before to piss, walked through the kitchen in the dark, felt the urge and reached for satisfaction, thinking he was grabbing for Cleigh the possum. Unfortunately, he being old and short on rods and cones, he grabbed the chicken instead, and before he realized his mistake, he had tried blowing up the chicken's ass. A huge exhalation, right into the battery storage compartment.

Well, you may wonder how ole Spaw survives, his breath being as foul and acidic as it is, and the proof of this is that by morning the outer finish on the battery nearest the chicken's cloaca had turned brown. By later afternoon it was liquified, and the consequences of this little midnight meander can be seen in Spaw's accusations against an innocent woman, above.

It is not my business to defame honorable men, but when it comes to accusing virginal beauties like SINSULL of malfeasance, I have to speak up. The facts, good friends, speak for themselves. Spaw is a victim of his own halitosis.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 08:04 PM

Har! Har! Excellent. Millions of other people should do the same.

Good thing they didn't catch you, though, because they DO have no sense of humor whatsoever.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 08:04 PM

Spaw, have you sent one to Sinsull's house, yet?!!

LMAO!!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 08:05 PM

That was a reference, by the way, to Donuel's post above.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 08:42 PM

ROFLMAO.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Charley Noble
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 08:48 PM

Spaw-

It could have been much worse. You could have been plucked!

Which somehow reminds me of my favorite verse to "When Jones Ale Was New":

The next came in was a chicken plucker,
And he was one mean sucker,
Yes, he was one mean sucker,
For to join in the jovial crew;
For he'd plucked chickens from town to town,
Rhode Island Reds to Leghorn Brown,
And he'd plucked them chickens up and down --
When Jones's Ale was new, me boys,
When Jones's Ale was new!

Cheerily,
Charley Chicken

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 09:20 PM

Hmmmmm Somehow something seems awfully familiar about "I wouldn't send a harmful gift to Karen and the boys." Did somethng like this happen before? Notice nothing is said about a harmful gift to the Spaw... Hmmmm?

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 10:31 PM

Were fingerprints taken? Someone could have snuck...sneaked...no, snuck...in and put Improvised Electrical Batteries in the Chicken, turning it into a Chicken of Mass Destruction (CMD). Have you notified Homeland Security? TSA? For God's sake, man -- does Bush know???

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 11:09 PM

Bush was the model for the strangled chicken.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 07 - 11:23 PM

Maybe someone fed it a pretzel...

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 02:10 AM

How refreshing! Gang, I am glad to see the old 'Cat sense of humor is alive and well and I have gotten a lot of laughs at the responses......Thanks!

SRS.....Both batteries came out of a new pack so that wasn't it unless one was defective which I have had happen but that was with a cheap generic brand. Dunno' what happened here but maybe Sins had a point. I have caught Cletus several times fondling the bird and although I never saw more than that, I suppose..............Ohmygawd...that's just too disgusting for words.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Wordsmith
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 03:16 AM

Now, that's what I call razing the chicken!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 03:47 AM

LOL - not only the original post, but - SINSULL - Virginal??????

Perlease!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That lady knows more raunchy songs and double meanings than I've had hot dinners!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 04:19 AM

I expect you'll need counselling after that shock Spaw, maybe even more therapy.
Still there is a school of psychiatry just right for the job, developed in the south, and it's called Freud Chicken.
It's nice to hear of another battery hen being freed from life as an egg laying machine.
Have you considered it might have been Bird Flu [flew]?

Keep on clucking Spaw.

Giok.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: kendall
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 07:56 AM

Spaw, you need to be careful with the battery thing. Remember what happened to the "Energizer Bunny"??? Someone put his batteries in backwards, and he just kept coming and coming...

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 08:46 AM

Just goes to show that you should keep off the chickens from the battery farm. Only use free range.
Quack!!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 09:12 AM

We maiden ladies have a hard time maintaining our dignity amid this crowd. SIGH...

Spaw - have you put in a new set of batteries to see if the chicken still works? It would be a shame to lose him. And Yard Sale season is still months away.

Seriously - there must be a law suit in here. Defective batteries; defective chickens; defective house guests? Go for it. Seriously - had this happened in the middle of the night when you were all asleep you might have made the Darwin Awards.

So sorry, love. I really would never hurt you or the family but Generic Batteries? What were you thinking?

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 09:18 AM

He's been putting things he shouldn't into the chicken Mary; is that what you're trying to say?

G ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 09:45 AM

Ya know, this sorta reminds me about the bright young woman reporter, fresh outa journalism school, who was sent out on her very first interview. She was to ask a grizzled old cowboy what the best cut of beef was.

He cogitated on it, spit some Copenhagen, and replied, "Well, I guess it'd be tongue. Yup, tongue, sure enough. All meat, no fat er grizzle, and right tender."

"YUCK!" exclaimed the reported. "How could you eat something that's been in a cow's mouth??

The old cowboy paused and then replied gently, "Guess you've never et no egg."

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Becca72
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 10:04 AM

Little Hawk...LOL!!!

Thanks for the belly laughs this thread has caused, guys...I needed that!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 10:05 AM

Rapaire-

Would that be the same young woman who snarfed up almost an entire plate of sauted Rocky Mountain oysters, exclaiming "How delicious! What are these?" to the blushing cowhands?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 10:07 AM

Damn! I posted this before providing an explanatory link: Click at Your Own Risk!

CN

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 10:21 AM

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: kendall
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 10:23 AM

Trying to catch the chicken?

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 10:35 AM

Oh no, he'd already caught it Cap'n.
G

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: kendall
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 02:24 PM

Was this pervert also a leper?

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 02:49 PM

Spaw, we heard the Car Talk guys this morning and their story about their old pal, Vito, and the bucket of chicken reminded me of this thread. if you haven't heard it, you can listen in HERE. I think it was near the end of the hour as we missed the first half. Ya gotta hear that story!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Sinsull Attempts To Kill Spaw
From: InOBU
Date: 24 Feb 07 - 06:39 PM

Frankly I am a bit concerned about the 25 cent yard sale dispencing such foul... has anyone called homeland security? Did the fellow who sold you the chicken have a long beard, thin, over six foot tall, answered to the name of Ben... no wonder he can't be found in Pakistan, his new weapon of mass destruction is exploding chickens, cleverly sold cheep at yard sales... as Blackadders little mate Balderick would say... a fiendishly clever plan...

hmmmm....
lor