 sj |
||
|
||
BS: One Legged Joke Stream
|
|
|
Subject: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST,Nick Date: 09 Mar 07 - 09:25 PM Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'There is a non BS thread above about "Aha She Said and shook her wooden leg" Probably should be down here as there seems to be scant musical connection but I was going to put this response up there and then thought it would be better down here. I may have no leg to stand on here but it makes me think of a punchline to which one attatches various jokes. Or at least it should be. On a slight aside whenever the baroom conversation turns to people with one leg theses are the set-ups for a string of jokes I tell..... What do you call a one legged Irish Girl? What do you say to a one legged Hitchhiker? What do you Call a cow with two legs? What do you Call a cow with no legs? What do you call dog with no legs? Where do you find a turtle with no legs? What do you call two guys, no arms, no legs hanging by your window? What do you call a guy, no arms, no legs under a pile of leaves? What do you call a guy, no arms no legs, flying over a wall? What is the favorite event at the amputee olympics? Why did they cancel the leper hockey game? What do you call a deer with no eyes? What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? What is the difference between Deer nuts and Beer Nuts? I just can't help my self. Finish the joke if you can or if it is killing you email me at NicksterNM@aol.com include the set up(s) and I will reply with the punchline(s). Nick |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Dickey Date: 09 Mar 07 - 10:33 PM What do you call a one legged man in an ass kicking contest? The full quote is "Aha She cried and shook her wooden leg with glee" I haven't the foggiest idea of what it means. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST,Nick Date: 10 Mar 07 - 02:26 PM What do you call a one legged man in an ass kicking contest? 2nd place at best? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Mrrzy Date: 10 Mar 07 - 07:10 PM Nick, I can't PM the answers as you are a guest, so I have to put the ones I know here... but first I'm adding my questions What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake? What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ditch? ...In a hole? ...on your doorstep? ...and when I remember the rest I'll add them in. Meanwhile there are some here I don't know the answer to... Spoiler alert below! What do you call a one legged Irish Girl? Eileen or Peg, depending on whether she has a wooden leg or not What do you say to a one legged Hitchhiker? Hop In! What do you call dog with no legs? - don't bother, it won't come anyway Where do you find a turtle with no legs? What do you call two guys, no arms, no legs hanging by your window? Kurt & Rod What do you call a guy, no arms, no legs under a pile of leaves? Russel Why did they cancel the leper hockey game? There was a face-off in the corner What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea What is the difference between Deer nuts and Beer Nuts? Remind me not to ask you to pass the beer nuts? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: skipy Date: 10 Mar 07 - 07:19 PM Sick thread, Skipy |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST,Number 6 Date: 10 Mar 07 - 08:27 PM How many thousands have (tragically) come back from the Iraq conflict maimed in such a manner of the subject of this joke? Is it considered censorship if this thread is delete? biLL |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Dave the Gnome Date: 11 Mar 07 - 10:17 AM Ban all jokes - most of them are about people and therefore offensive to someone! This thread is neither sick nor about disabled people. It is humour. Poor taste to some but humour all the same. Seen Borat? Seen Life of Brian? Read any Spike Milligan? I suggest you do. D. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: JennyO Date: 11 Mar 07 - 11:45 AM Speaking of Spike..... She stood on the bridge at midnight, Her lips were all a-quiver, She gave a cough, Her leg fell off, And floated down the river. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST Date: 11 Mar 07 - 01:22 PM Yes, it is just a joke about people. people |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST Date: 11 Mar 07 - 01:28 PM Yeah. I'm sure folks would be telling these 'jokes' in front of those folks who've lost limbs. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Dave the Gnome Date: 11 Mar 07 - 01:42 PM Of course I would. I count some people of different abilities to be amongst the most humourous of my friends. Far more enlightened than some of the cowardly, snivelling, poor excuses for humanity that make anonymous posts here. Dave |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Peace Date: 11 Mar 07 - 01:59 PM "Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST Date: 11 Mar 07 - 01:28 PM Yeah. I'm sure folks would be telling these 'jokes' in front of those folks who've lost limbs." Sorry. That was my post. Was without cookie. But I have it now. So it's clear to you then, kiss my ass. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Dave the Gnome Date: 11 Mar 07 - 05:18 PM The only difference it makes, Bruce, is that you are no longer a nameless coward. You are someone who I can respect and can have a sensible conversation with, I hope, so you do warrant a longer answer. Yes, I would tell these jokes in front of folks who have lost their limbs and have done so in just the same way that people of varying abilities have told short, fat, bald and Polish jokes in front of me. No skin off my nose. I could say they are quite 'armless but I had better not... They are jokes, just that. Not 'jokes' with any hidden agenda. Not veiled insults. I was told by a young man of my aquaintance with Cerebal Palsy, sadly passed away now, that he found it very patronising that people felt they needed to shield his sensiblilities. My blind friend, Wilf, gets very angry when people apologise for making any reference to 'seeing' things and takes great delight in taking the piss out of anyone for any reason whatsoever! The thing that all people have in common is that they are all humans. No-one warrants different treatment on the grounds of age, colour, creed, race or ability. Now, back to you I'm afraid. I do find your assumption that I would like to perform homosexual acts with you rather insulting though so I will not invite you to you to kiss my 'ass'. I doubt you could afford it anyway. :D |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Peace Date: 11 Mar 07 - 05:31 PM Sorry, Dave. Was pissed, that's all. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST,number 6 Date: 11 Mar 07 - 05:50 PM I'm the one who posted it. I forgot my 'cookie' ... but does it really matter. I don't give a rat's poop what jokes people tell around the saloon table. My concern is that there are people arriving here on the Cat for the first time, or even existing members of the the Cat who could be experiencing this tragedy themselves, or one of their loved one who has lost a limb. This is a very difficult emotional and physical adjustment. The Mudcat is a public (and I stress public) forum. I think it should exhibit at least some sensitivity and respect. If it doesn't so be it. I dunno about anyone here ... but I wouldn't want to lose limb, or wish it upon anyone. I sure as hell would not think it's funny. All I'm doing is expressing my views. Call me a do gooder, duddley doright or whatever, I don't give a shit ... but at this point in my life I have learned to respect the sensitivities of others, including people I don't know. biLL |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Dave the Gnome Date: 11 Mar 07 - 06:39 PM No apologies needed, Bruce. Friends should be able to air differing viewpoints withoit the need to tread on eggshells. Bill. Don't really know where to start. You say "I don't give a rat's poop what jokes people tell around the saloon table." Does that mean that people without limbs do not go in saloons? Or should not? As to not wishing yourself or anyone else to loose a limb. Do you think that I do? Do you honestly believe that anyone in their right mind thinks that loosing a limb IS funny? You are missing the point altogether. Making a joke of a difficult situation however is a perfectly acceptable way of coping with it. But, as they say, if you need to explain a joke there is no point in telling it. Maybe if you find one legged jokes offensive you should not have opened a thread with such an obvious title. Unless of course you happen to be a moderator and you wanted to see if the thread needed deleting? You are not though are you? D. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Peace Date: 11 Mar 07 - 06:42 PM Thanks, Dave. Back atcha. Hope you're keeping well, and it's good to see you posting again. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Mrrzy Date: 11 Mar 07 - 07:37 PM Back to the thread. What are the other answers? BTW, these jokes pre-date both Iraq wars. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Geordie-Peorgie Date: 12 Mar 07 - 05:45 AM Is PC gettin' oot of hand again! Have the 'Humour Police' been put on overtime? Are we suffering from Iraqnaphobia?? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: jeffp Date: 12 Mar 07 - 08:55 AM My sister-in-law is a double amputee (both legs below the knee) and she tells these jokes. The difference between beer nuts and deer nuts is that Beer nuts are $1.69 and deer nuts are under a buck. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: jeffp Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:27 AM Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:29 AM When dad came out the hosital after his heart atack there no end of jokes about it including plenty from him. Obviously not the same as losing a limb, but humour can be important at these sorts of times. No, sod it! Humour IS important ALL the time. I tell irish jokes all the time. I've even heard someone of mnixed race telling racist jokes. I wasn't sure how comfortable about it I was, but she was laughing. Maybe that last one isn't such a good example cos those sorts of jokes tend to be vicious attacks masquerading as humour, but the first two are certainly true. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Scrump Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:38 AM I used to work with a guy who had lost an arm in a motorbike accident, and we were always making jokes about him being "'armless", etc. He used to joke about his disability himself and would do things like creep up behing you, remove his artificial arm and thrust it in front of you with his real hand, saying "Do you want a hand with that?" (etc.) A blind guy I know is always making jokes himself about his blindness, and is happy if someone (at least, among his friends) jokes about it too. Most people I know with some sort of disability would prefer their friends to make light of it, rather than be afraid to say anything for fear of offending the PC brigade. But I guess there will be exceptions. I hope my remarks above haven't offended anyone here - that wasn't my intention. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: JennyO Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:39 AM To (very briefly) revisit the argument about PC (or not) humour - we NEED humour to help us get through the serious parts of life. There is no malice in that. A few years ago we had a very successful and popular comedian in Oz who called himself Steady Eddy. He had cerebral palsy. His whole act was based around telling "spastic" jokes. He was very funny, and we laughed along with him, not at him. Now, on with the jokes. Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a hole? A: Doug Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on your doorstep? A: Matt Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake? A: Bob And here's another one... Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a letterbox? A: Bill |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST,Pseudolus at work Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:45 AM What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake? BOB What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ditch? DOUG (or PHIL) ...In a hole? (DOUG or PHIL) ...on your doorstep? MATT New Ones ...on a wall? ART What do you say to a hitch hiker with no arms? Which way ya goin? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST,Bardan Date: 12 Mar 07 - 11:07 AM what did the cockney bus driver say to the three headed, one legged, no armed man? 'ello 'ello 'ello! you look 'armless enough, 'op in. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Peace Date: 12 Mar 07 - 01:43 PM When will the 'rape joke' thread be started? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Dave the Gnome Date: 12 Mar 07 - 02:24 PM Benny Hill did it ages ago, Bruce. "Grape! Grape!" "Don't you mean rape?" "No, there was a bunch of them." Sorry - I am very bad...:-( D. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 12 Mar 07 - 05:57 PM Whenever this argument about humour comes up, it calls to mind the episode of MASH in which Hawkeye (Alan Alda) was being interviewed by the media for a program to be aired back in the USA. The journo said "I noticed that you don't seem to take the situation of these wounded men very seriously, and you joke about it all the time in the OR" Hawkeye said simply "Sometimes you have to laugh, to keep from screaming" Kinda struck a chord with me Don T |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: JennyO Date: 12 Mar 07 - 06:55 PM Absolutely, Don. That's it exactly. Maybe the people who complain about these jokes don't deal with adversity that way, and therefore they don't understand, but I know it works that way for many of us, me included. I have a lot of empathy for others - sometimes I think it's too much for my own good. I am always aware that we are all connected. The human condition can sometimes be unbearable, and we use ways that will lighten it. As for the PC brigade thinking it has the right to tell me what I should laugh at - I'm the one who has to get through my day, nobody else - and it's up to me to decide what works. I know what my intentions are - and that's my business anyway. As several here have pointed out, the people themselves who have the disability or adversity use humour to deal with it, and would prefer not to have others tiptoeing around them being over-solicitous of their feelings. so keep 'em coming, folks! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Peace Date: 12 Mar 07 - 06:58 PM Claptrap. I deal with casualties often, some much worse than others. My remarks were not prompted by what YOU call PC. They were prompted by having been there and fuckin' done that. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: JennyO Date: 12 Mar 07 - 07:01 PM Who was that remark directed towards, Bruce? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: number 6 Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:17 PM In reference to the 'Hawkeye' humour ... regardless of it being a movie, tv series (whatever) the subject referred to people working in those conditions ... yes, humour gets those people through their day by day hell, specific to the MASH units ... not for people 'unconnected' to their position in the miseries of humanity. Those pics I linked to ... I'm sure there are some jokes being passed amongst the tragic victims in Walter Reed, and I'm sure there are a lot of tears and emotional scars that will accompany them and their loved ones. I feel for the mother of a victim who is going through the pains and difficult emotional adjustments of having a son or daughter having lost a limb ... maybe she's surfing through the net looking up some begotten anti-war folk song ... comes across the Cat, floats down to the BS (bonzo) section and see's this thread.I don't think anyone of us who has posted to this thread is connected to the sitution of having their child lose a limb. A while back one of my coworker's 10 year old son lost an arm in an accident ... it was very hard for this child to accept not having an arm ... it was a rough time for this family for some months ... really tough time. I know my coworker would have been upset if he came across these jokes on a music forum. Sure, as time passes on he and his son will swap one armed jokes. But I wonder how his son, or one of these vets will feel passing strangers somewhere hearing them swap and laff at 'one armed jokes'? As I mentioned ... this is a public forum accessed by many kinds of people in many kinds of situations ... would your local newspaper post one legged jokes in it .... if not, why not? biLL |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: number 6 Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:59 PM "I'm the one who has to get through my day, nobody else" True ... but just be aware what gets you through your day, necessarily isn't what gets that stranger nearby through their day. biLL |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST,petr Date: 13 Mar 07 - 12:56 PM I used to cry because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.. so I said, Hey! can I have your shoes? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Geordie-Peorgie Date: 14 Mar 07 - 08:43 AM There is a story (dunno how true) about a lately famous UK muso/guitarist who had fallen on hard times AND, through Diabetes, had to have a leg amputated. On hearing the news, another lately famous muso asked him "Do you want to sell your effects pedals" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: able Date: 14 Mar 07 - 09:34 AM Last fall, I was at a gathering of pilots and plane builders in south western Ontario. I don't have my legs and yet I am still building my own plane. I used to fly before I lost my legs, and can't bring myself to believe that I am especially heroic now. When life deals you some lemons, you better get started making lemonade. Political correctness has created a hell of a mess, and I don't want to have anything to do with it. When you do see a person with a disability, did you ever get the idea that they were assessing you, you know, deciding whether or not you could handle their situation. You would be amazed at the number of times I have come up with:- NOPE!!!! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: JennyO Date: 14 Mar 07 - 09:52 AM From what I've seen, able, I wouldn't be amazed at all. I've been saving this thread cos I figured sooner or later it would be deleted. I'm rather surprised (pleasantly) that it hasn't been already. I used to fly before I lost my legs Didn't your arms get tired? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: number 6 Date: 14 Mar 07 - 10:49 AM OK I concede ..... I have overreacted somewhat ... I have nothing against humour in the least bit ... just my concerns about someone floating in from the outside who just might happen to be in a certain difficult state of mind. From most of these post on this thread, and knowing some of the posters It is evident that we are all very sensitive people. biLL |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: jeffp Date: 14 Mar 07 - 10:59 AM Take a look at the other threads in the BS section. And you're worrying about this one offending people? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Peace Date: 14 Mar 07 - 11:23 AM Bader did it, Able. Any chance the License Authority for planes (I have no idea what those folks are called) will let you get back flying, or is that what you're building the plane for? Jenny, thanks for writing. I do see where you are coming from. I can't participate in the jokes for reasons I explained, but I see that you can with dignity and decorum. All the best to you. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Mrrzy Date: 14 Mar 07 - 12:02 PM I heard it as a three-EYED, no-armed, one-legged hitchiker, and the answer was Ay ay ay, you look 'armless, hop in! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: able Date: 14 Mar 07 - 12:31 PM It really isn't a big deal, I already have the registration number for my plane. Down here in south western Ontario, we have a guy named Carl Hiebert who broke his back while hang gliding (WITH PREDICTABLE RESULTS), he even flew through the rockies for an event in Vancouver. Where I have a problem, is the number of people who seem to think they amputate your brain at the same time as they do your legs. I will agree with some posters, there are those who seem to want to wallow in their own misery. I had a damned hard life, and my parents always told me that if I get into trouble, then I better fight like hell, because I was on my own. Baby boomers and their children never had to go through what my generation did, which is why we now have political correctness. I have also noticed that they tend to commit suicide a lot, especially when life throws them a curve. You do realise that suicide used to be against the law, back then, you did it right the first time, or you were charged. There was an upside though, I never heard of a single woman committing suicide. Times have changed. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Peace Date: 14 Mar 07 - 12:46 PM "Baby boomers and their children never had to go through what my generation did" That is out to lunch. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST,ib48 Date: 14 Mar 07 - 04:22 PM paul macartney bought heather mills a plane last week,he got her a stocking for the other leg |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Geordie-Peorgie Date: 14 Mar 07 - 05:28 PM Macca bought Heather her a new top-of-the-range prosthetic leg last Christmas It wasn't he rmain prezzie - Just a stockin' filler. When aah started working for (Anti) Social Services, one of my first experiences was of two wheelchair-bound 'clients' riding round me (the 'new lad') askin' me "How d'ye manage to get aboot wi' nee wheels?" They aall had great senses of humour and never took prisoners with anyone else either |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: GUEST Date: 14 Mar 07 - 06:58 PM Fun thread this!!!!! (not) scroll back to message 9, placed by a GUEST, not good as far as I am concerned, click on the link "people", I'll leave the rest to you. However I helped out many years ago at Stoke Mandeville and there was plenty of humour there, I met loads of people with problems that faced them full on, so I am not knocking this, I just feel there should be a balence. Skipy (with a sensible head on!) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: skipy Date: 14 Mar 07 - 07:04 PM Above was me, cookie fell apart, reset now, seems that everytime that I say anything about a "Guest" posting my cookie takes the piss! Skipy |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: Dickey Date: 20 Mar 07 - 10:44 PM What does a one legged man wear to the beach? A flip flip |
|
Subject: RE: BS: One Legged Joke Stream From: wlisk Date: 21 Mar 07 - 04:53 PM What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef |
