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29 Mar 07 - 04:31 PM (#2011052) Subject: BS: New jokes From: belter Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'joke 1 President Bush instructs the CIA to get him a private phone conversation with Osama bin Laden. This is not so easily done, but after a great deal of cloak and dagger work, Bush is speaking directly to Osama bin Laden. He asks bin Laden, If I paid you ten Billion dollars, would you agree to disband al kada.(Selling intentional) Bin Laden thinks it over for a long time, and then agrees. Bush says well how about a million bucks, would that be enough. Bin laden flies in to a rage, "I would sell out my brothers for a piddly million dollars." he says. "What sort of man do you think I am?" Bush says, "We've already answered that question. Now we're just haggling over the price." Alternative joke Osama bin Laden calls up President Bush, and asks, "Would you pay me a million dollars to disband Al-Qaeda?" Bush readily agrees. Bin Laden says, "Well, how about ten billion Dollars?" Bush is incensed. He says, "Thats insane! I wouldn't pay you ten billion bucks. Do you think I'm foolish enough to give piles of money to a terrorist?" Bin Laden responds, "We've already determined the answer to that question. Now were just discussing how much." |
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29 Mar 07 - 04:36 PM (#2011055) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: jacqui.c From the (possible) original:- Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds? Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill... Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course... Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds? Socialite: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?! Churchill: Madam, we've already established that. Now we are haggling about the price. (This is a very old joke where the participants vary dramatically from each telling. It's very unlikely though not impossible that the joke originated from Churchill) |
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29 Mar 07 - 04:41 PM (#2011059) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: GUEST,meself Jeesh, Belter, the original joke was far better - it involved a man negotiating the virtue of "respectable" woman ... Would you sleep with me for a million dollars? A million dollars? Well, I suppose I might for a million dollars ... Okay, would you sleep with me for fifty dollars? Fifty dollars! What do you think I am? Well, we've already established that, now we're just negotiating the price. Now I'm not especially fond of Osama, but I hate to see a perfectly good old joke ruined on him. (Sorry!). |
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29 Mar 07 - 04:42 PM (#2011060) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: GUEST,meself ... cross-posting ... |
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29 Mar 07 - 04:43 PM (#2011062) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: folk1e I believe this joke was first atributed to Oscar Wilde ....... God only knows what He would be propositioning a woman for! |
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29 Mar 07 - 04:52 PM (#2011072) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: John MacKenzie A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of the countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?" Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwis and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German." You could have heard a pin drop. Giok |
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29 Mar 07 - 05:15 PM (#2011093) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: jacqui.c Nice one Giok! |
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29 Mar 07 - 05:40 PM (#2011105) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: belter I know the original is better. I'm just taking cheep shots at bin laden & bush. |
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29 Mar 07 - 05:45 PM (#2011109) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: greg stephens I first heard this joke about George Bernard Shaw. It would be interesting to know how far back it can be traced. |
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29 Mar 07 - 06:08 PM (#2011135) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: Georgiansilver Winston Churchill was a great one for quick witted answers and when Lady Astor said to him "Mr Churchill, if you were my husband I would put poison in your drink"...he replied "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it"!!!! |
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29 Mar 07 - 06:13 PM (#2011138) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: GUEST,meself "You could have heard a pin drop." Yes, no doubt ... perhaps not for the reasons you think, though ... |
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29 Mar 07 - 07:12 PM (#2011171) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: The Fooles Troupe After the bomb has dropped, it gets pretty quiet, I'm told - never been there though... |
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29 Mar 07 - 07:24 PM (#2011176) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: skipy Giok, Spot on! Skipy |
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29 Mar 07 - 11:38 PM (#2011366) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: mrdux my other favorite attributed to Sir Winston: Elizabeth Braddock: "Sir, you are drunk." Winston Churchill: "And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober." |
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30 Mar 07 - 05:52 AM (#2011579) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: Flash Company Unfortunately, politicians don't do humour anymore. How many pages in a book called 'The Wit of Tony Blair', Or Gordon Brown, David Cameron or Menzies Campbell? FC |
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30 Mar 07 - 05:54 AM (#2011582) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: The Fooles Troupe I have a couple of various books like that - all blank pages.... |
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30 Mar 07 - 07:11 AM (#2011620) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: Wilfried Schaum Giok, that was one of the best I heard from the other side of the top! And the very best is: history proved it. |
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30 Mar 07 - 07:43 AM (#2011640) Subject: RE: BS: New joke From: HuwG A story related by aviation writer Bill Gunston concerned the early days of the Europan Airbus passenger aircraft. British engineers (then in Hawker Siddeley, before it was merged into BAe) had designed a wing which gave enhanced lift, reduced drag etc. At a huge meeting attended by all the contributors (several hundred apparently), they described the benefits of their design. At this point, someone from the German delegation stood up and began pontificating that, in his view, the Hawker wing would have too short a fatigue life in service. The German spokesman was the great Dipl. Ing. Willi Messerschmidt himself. As he continued to pronounce his criticisms ex cathedra, steam could be seen rising from the British contingent. When he had finished, one of them stood up and said that he had heard that some of Herr Messerschmidt's designs had a service fatigue life of only 200 hours. This scarcely mattered. A Spitfire usually got them first. |